"I'm ruined beyond repair, is what I fear...And if so, in time we'd both be wretched and bitter."
"I know people can be mended. Not all, and some more immediately than others. But some can be. I don't see why not you."
"Why not me?"
- Charles Frazier, Cold Mountain
The knife flew from his hand, slicing through the air with a deadly accuracy. Natasha ditched her bag before diving backwards into a handspring, her limbs taught as her body completed a full revolution, the knife clattering uselessly to the floor. Having regained her footing the spy exploded forwards, leaping onto the counter top she raced forwards, dropping down as another piece of cutlery was launched at her. Sliding off the edge of the counter her legs wrapped around the Winter Soldier's torso as she bore him to the ground before ploughing her fist into the assassin's jaw.
Meanwhile Steve had barrelled into Victoria, shielding the blonde with his body he glanced back towards Natasha and James, the red head seemingly holding the upper hand.
"YA ne to kto vy dumayete chto ya." Natasha ground out, her thighs squeezing harder, her knee braced against the Winter Soldier's mechanical arm as she planted her full weight against the man trapped beneath her.
"Zapadnaya shlyukha?"
"YA tebe ne vrag." Natasha growled, her hand reaching behind her back as she pulled out her concealed weapon. Turning off the safety she aimed the handgun at the assassin's head. Easing herself up slowly she kept her weapon trained on James as she took several steps backwards.
"What is your name?" The red head questioned, switching back to English her eyes narrowed in caution with her head cocked to one side as she surveyed the man in front of her.
The simple question seemed to stump him momentarily before a twisted snarl corrupted his features, a litany of profanities pouring from his lips like a vitriolic benediction.
"What is your name?" Natasha repeated, her voice harsh. "You're not in Russia anymore. You're not with HYRDA. Now tell me, what is your name?"
The assassin stumbled, his eyes screwing shut as the desperate urge to sling vile Russian curses in her direction eased. Clenching his fist he glanced towards Natasha's left and saw two faces filled with concern as the man did his best to shield the blonde woman.
"Your name." Natasha demanded, her voice unforgiving and the assassin's attention was back solely on the red head.
"Bucky…." The Winter Solider shuddered, before straightening himself out and addressing Natasha once more. "James Buchanan Barnes, born March 10th 1917."
Natasha sharply exhaled; a look of relief flooded her eyes before she regained control of her disloyal emotions, the impassive mask she wore so well firmly reinstated.
"Can I put the gun away?" Natasha questioned wryly, holding both hands up in surrender, her index finger uncoiling from around the trigger.
"Go ahead…" James muttered, slumping against the granite work surface as he clutched his brow.
Untangling herself from Steve's grip Victoria quickly snatched up a tumbler and filled it with water, passing the glass towards Bucky her knuckles brushed his arm.
"Thanks…" the man muttered shakily as he took a sip of water.
"Better?" Victoria asked doing her best to keep her voice level.
"A1." James replied softly, his blue eyes passing warmly over Victoria before he downed the rest of the water. "Sorry about that…" The man continued as he glanced towards Natasha.
"You've done worse to me before." Natasha replied curtly just as Steve and Victoria took a collective wince.
Bucky swallowed hard, "I…"
"At least you didn't have an assault riffle with you this time." Natasha commented mildly as she buttered herself a slice of cold toast.
"The world's most feared assassin reduced to using cutlery." James laughed somewhat awkwardly. "Seriously, Natalia…"
Victoria only just caught the slight stiffening of Romanoff's shoulders as she took a bite of toast.
"Natasha. It's Natasha now," the red head answered firmly, her green eyes suddenly wary once more.
"Right, of course…. Sorry." James muttered, his eyes dropping to the floor, his hand unwittingly nudging against Victoria's. On reflex the blonde's fingers wrapped around Bucky's before she gave his hand a small squeeze, hoping it would go someway to reassure him.
"So." Steve started, his eyes flitting warily between Bucky and Natasha.
"I'm going to settle in," Natasha said abruptly as she grabbed her previously discarded bag. "Nice to meet you Victoria." The red head called out to the blonde, her lips curling up ever so slightly giving no sign as to how she knew who Victoria was before she slinked out of the room, leaving only the traces of her enigmatic smile behind.
The trio stood in the kitchen, breakfast seemingly put on hold as Victoria bent down to pick up the shattered remnants of porcelain, congealed egg sticking to the shards of plate. Dumping the broken crockery into the sink Victoria continued her task, resolutely ignoring the burning desire to ask Steve, and James for that matter, just who the red head was.
"Her name is Natasha Romanoff." Steve suddenly voiced, as if he was acutely aware of the thoughts that were currently tumbling through Victoria's head.
"Oh." Victoria nodded mutely as she began rummaging in the cupboards for a dustpan and brush.
Noticing what she was doing the super soldier took the plastic brush from out of her hands. "Here, let me…" he muttered quickly before clearing his throat and elaborating further "She's ex KGB. Used to work for SHIELD. An Avenger."
"Ex KGB…" Victoria mused softly, finding some antibacterial spray and wiping down the counter tops, Bucky for his part was picking bits of egg out of his hair. "I'm pretty sure the KGB was dissolved in the early 90s…"
"So?" Steve asked, as he wrapped the shards of broken china in plastic bags and placed them in the bin.
Victoria sighed, her eyes flicking towards James who had stacked the remaining bits of crockery by the sink. To start pointing fingers at a woman she hardly knew and someone Steve clearly held in high regard perhaps wasn't the wisest course of action to take.
Screw it – she thought.
"She's what, early 30s at the most?"
Steve frowned.
"For some reason, I don't think the KGB were employing 10 year olds." Victoria muttered softly. "None of you thought to ask the question before?"
"It's rude to ask a lady her age." Steve replied, his tone suggesting it was half way between a question and a statement.
"She isn't in her 30s." James suddenly spoke up, his voice heavy as he avoided making eye contact with Steve.
"What do you mean?" Steve queried, his eyes trained towards his friend.
"When I was with the Soviets, I was taken out of the freezer when they needed me for a mission. But there were occasions when they got me to train new recruits…"
"The Red Room?" Victoria asked, seeking clarification.
James nodded, "Yes. Don't ask me what year it was, but it was before HYDRA took custody – so before the dissolution of the USSR. She was at least 15 when she began training with me."
"She's been lying." Steve suddenly voiced, his mouth a hard line.
"Does that surprise you Steve?" Bucky questioned fiercely. "Look, I'm sure she had her reasons. My memories are hazy at best so all I can tell you is that I remember a young girl called Natalia Alianovna Romanova, I – the Winter Soldier – trained her for a while…"
"That's all you remember about her?" Steve prodded, his eyes thoughtful.
Bucky frowned, his hands gripping the stone counter top as he struggled to find the right words. "I think I met her once after the Red Room and before DC."
"What happened?" Victoria enquired, her voice calm and forgiving.
"I fired a bullet straight through her." James whispered softly, his eyes downcast as the overwhelming urge to vomit surged through his body.
Victoria remained silent, her hand reaching out to squeeze Bucky's forearm.
"All HYDRA had to do was implant a suggestion she was disloyal to Mother Russia and she was suddenly the enemy," the ex assassin continued, his voice full of empty humour. "Seeing her face must have triggered something – triggered my programming."
James' voice was bitter, his eyes a raging sea of unchecked emotions. It was with startling ease that he slipped back into the Winter Soldier's mentality, the imperative to kill or be killed would always lurk at the back of his mind. Constantly scratching as he fought to reassert his identity, as he struggled to make something of himself in a strange world so utterly alien yet startlingly familiar. The constant to-ing and fro-ing between the heartless killer the Soviets had so easily manufactured and the scrappy kid from Brooklyn raged within his chest, ripping his heart into a chaos of jagged muscle and ribbons of blood. As to who would win? It seemed that his life was balancing on a knife-edge. The number of times his metaphorical switch had been flipped due to the most innocuous of things already seemed too high. The price he had to pay too great for whenever he slipped into on of his messy transgressions.
Glancing towards Victoria, he studied her reaction; as usual he failed to see any traces of pity or disgust. The familiar calm that James had grown accustomed to when he was in Victoria's presence swelled in his chest as she sent a small, private smile in his direction. Clint's words rang in his head, was he being selfish? It didn't take much internal soul searching to come to the conclusion that yes – he was. There was nothing that the woman was gaining from their relationship, the whole thing was ridiculously one sided and not for the first time James wondered why she would want to help a broken reprobate such as himself. What did she see worth saving when all that he was, was irredeemable.
"You better clean up," Steve suddenly voiced pulling James from out of his reverie. "Pepper and Dr. Banner have got some options for you about external help…"
"You mean a shrink?" Bucky asked shrewdly.
"We're not necessarily equipped to help you in all the ways you need…." Steve cleared his throat. "Professional help can only make things easier, right?"
"Right," the brunette nodded his acquiescence, his voice somewhat hoarse. "Thanks for breakfast doll."
"You did most of it," Victoria smiled gently, her brown eyes suddenly heavy.
"You'll soon learn that I am a man of many talents," James grinned, earning a spark to flair in Victoria's eyes.
"C'mon Buck." Steve muttered and despite the situation the Captain couldn't help the smile that tugged on his lips. "Thanks for breakfast Victoria."
The blonde shrugged casually, "Don't mention it."
Having finished clearing the mess in the kitchen, the knife James had lobbed at Natasha the last thing to go in the dishwasher Victoria headed towards her room. A shower and change of clothes would go someway to shake her out of the sudden wave of melancholy that had hit her. Observing James dip back into the Winter Soldier's personality as a third party was utterly terrifying. When he had attempted to choke her Victoria had been more preoccupied with prolonging her life, the sheer panic at not being able to breath taking over. But seeing the man who only seconds before had been joking with her about scrambling eggs lose any semblance of a personality as he became a blank void, intent only on killing, was entirely unnerving.
Pushing the door to her rooms open Victoria stumbled over the threshold, drifting into the living room she turned on the news, the volume down low as she kicked off her shoes.
"You're lucky I didn't want to kill you." A somewhat amused voice sounded out from the corner of the living room.
"Jesus Chris!" Victoria yelled, jumping round to face the intruder.
"Didn't they teach you to check a room before you go in it?"
"I didn't think I needed to." Victoria bit back, expelling a stream of air through her nose as she glared at Clint. "I'm staying with 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes' remember?"
"You can never be too careful." Barton shrugged carelessly before leveling what could only be called a glare at the blonde. "You read the file?"
"Yes."
"And you saw the display in the kitchen?"
"Yes."
"And you're still here."
"Yes." Victoria bit back, her voice hard. "I'd never abandon someone because I'm scared."
"You sure you're not just stupid?" Clint shot back, an annoying smirk curling at the corners of his mouth.
"What do you want me to say? One look at his baby blues and impressive pectoral muscles and I'm suddenly blind to the fact that he's a clear and present danger? That I am stupid, that I'm reckless? I'm not going into this situation without being aware of the facts – you made sure of that. So whatever decisions I make, I make as a competent adult. Everyone deserves someone to believe in them."
"And you believe in Barnes?" Barton questioned, walking towards Victoria – examining her.
"Yes dammit. I don't know why and for the life of me I don't know why you seem to be so insistent on convincing me that I shouldn't. Have a little faith Barton because the whole damn world sees you as a hero and you owe them that much."
"They shouldn't…" Clint began, frowning in consternation.
"They should – after New York. And I'm sure after however many other covert missions you've been a part of." Victoria argued emphatically, squaring her shoulders as she attempted to subvert yet another complex.
Victoria's phone buzzed in her pocket, pulling out the contraption she flipped to her messages.
"Dammit."
"Everything alright?" Clint asked, an unfamiliar sense of concern punctuating his words.
"Yeah, fine." Victoria muttered distractedly. "Work."
"Well, you're a better person than most Ms. Miller. I'll leave you alone now." The Avenger gave the blonde a small nod before backing out of the room.
"Yeah, go and creep around someone else's bedroom."
"Gotta find a way of keeping sharp somehow," Clint called back and Victoria could almost hear the smile in his voice.
Already the sun was setting over the horizon and Victoria was stuffing her clothes into her hold-all. Growling in frustration she threw a pair of jeans on the bed, somehow she couldn't manage to make everything fit, despite seemingly having the same amount of clothes as she'd arrived with. Shuffling into the living room she flung herself onto the sofa, the leather squeaking beneath her hot skin. Reaching for the remote control she began rapidly flicking through the channels. Sitting mindlessly in front of the television as she only half absorbed the latest situation comedy was an infinitely more appealing activity than packing.
Rolling onto her side Victoria turned up the volume, admiring the chiseled jaw of the photogenic lead just as he delivered a joke a little bit too on the nose before sending a startlingly white smile down lens, a knowing wink towards the audience at home followed. A sharp rap at the door jolted her from the respite she had just managed to find.
Sliding onto her feet and answering the door Victoria revealed James, a gentle curve of the lips gracing his features as he leant against the door jam.
"C'mon. You're gonna break me out – tomorrow I start my comprehensive program of physical and emotional rehabilitation. My last night as a free man."
"I'm not going to become an accessory to you breaking out of the building Barnes." Victoria replied sardonically as she pushed her mussed hair from out of her eyes.
"Not the building," James huffed. "Where's your sense of adventure?"
"I must have misplaced it," the blonde muttered dryly, nevertheless she let Bucky take her by the hand and towards the elevator.
It was no surprise when James pulled her towards the roof terrace, another clear night had set over New York and the compulsion to be outside was proving too much for Bucky Barnes.
"Hey Jarvis?"
"Yes Sergeant Barnes."
"There are speakers outside right?"
"Yes Sergeant."
"Could you play Stardust by Artie Shaw?"
"Of course sir."
Entwining Victoria's fingers with his James lead her out onto the decking, the soft melody already filling the outdoor area, the gentle rise and fall of the clarinet hauntingly bittersweet in the warm night air. Softly placing Victoria's right hand on his left shoulder, his right arm snaking around her waist just as their spare hands clasped together James moved them further out, the cool breeze tickling Victoria's skin.
"I'm pretty sure I used to be good at this." James muttered softly, slowly pulling the blonde against him as he led her in a simple dance.
"James, I have to go back to DC tomorrow…" Victoria licked her lips as she volunteered the piece of information. "Work stuff's come up. I can't exactly say no."
For a moment James remained silent, still swaying them in time with the music, his grip on her tightening slightly as he rested his chin on the top of her head.
"You were never gonna be here for ever were you?" His voice was hoarse, clearing his throat James continued. "You ain't gonna make this a good bye now are you?"
"So long?" Victoria whispered as she leant backwards, her brown eyes meeting his blue.
Bucky smiled, a beautiful crooked smile that met his eyes and lit them up with such heart breaking tenderness that Victoria wasn't quite sure how to breathe. The weight of their shared experience was suddenly crashing down on her, the lungs in her chest expanding and contracting all at once as she attempted to gather her bearings. The clarinet reached a swelling crescendo and Bucky still continued to move them, their eyes fixed one each other with such searing intensity Victoria wasn't sure if her heart had stopped beating altogether.
She didn't know what it was, maybe it was the music, maybe it was the dark hunger that suddenly flickered in James' eyes but as if compelled Victoria lifted up her arm. Placing her hand against James' jaw she muttered a sigh of contentment at the contact, he hadn't shaved and the pads of her fingers relished the feel of stubble beneath them. Skimming a gentle pattern across his cheek Victoria forced out a slow breath, she could feel his arm tight around her.
Tracing their way down Bucky's neck Victoria's fingers eventually found their way to his collar, wrapping the fabric firmly around her digits Victoria pulled. James leaned towards her with very little resistance and in an instant their mouths met. And with the sudden jolt of contact Victoria's heart kicked against her chest, pounding against her ribcage as she felt both his arms encircle her, lifting her off the ground and pulling her closer towards him. James' lips were soft and pliant beneath hers but their kiss was chaste, a brief moment of such bright intensity and suddenly it was gone.
Falling back to earth with a slight jolt Victoria let her fingers loosen their grip on the man in front of her. Shivering ever so slightly she couldn't help but notice the lack of warmth now she no longer had James pressed against her. Bereft of the man's touch Victoria stumbled backwards, easily catching her James smiled an open smile.
"Wanted something to remember me by doll?"
"Something like that."
A/N: First off the translation for the bit of Russian at the beginning:
"I am not who you think I am."
"A Western whore?"
"I'm not your enemy."
I was debating whether I should write it in Cyrillic or phonetically, and when I say write, I mean copy and paste from Google translate.
Couple of things, I think there is a conflict over Bucky's date of birth, at least according to the MCU wiki. Another issue over births, it's stated Natasha is ex-KGB, in CA:TWS her age is 'confirmed' as being 29. The KGB was dissolved in '91. This makes next to no sense to me, unless Natasha lied about her age in her 'official' records or the KGB in the MCU continued as an actual thing after the collapse of the USSR.
There will, I think, be a bit of action (maybe, depending on how well I write it) in the coming few chapters.
That aside I hope you enjoyed the chapter and as always would love to hear what you think in the form of a review.