Chapter 10
Santana and Dani were cuddled on Santana's couch watching a movie. Dani was leaning against the taller girl who was playing with her fingers with her right hand, which was draped over Dani's shoulder. Dani had come over when she got home around midnight and now it was around two a.m. Since she got there Santana had been mostly quite and seemed to be preoccupied with whatever was going on in her mind. It was starting to worry her. The last time she saw the Latina like this they were sitting on the floor while Santana stared at a glass of whiskey thinking about her ex. Dani was hoping if she kept quite long enough Santana would open up to her, but it had been two hours and so far nothing.
"San?" Dani finally said after a long internal battle. The Latina continued to stare at the screen blankly and play with Dani's fingers. "San," she said a little louder, still no answer. "Santana!" Dani practically shouted at the girl next to her, but it seemed to work. Santana had practically jumped off of the couch at hearing Dani yell right next to her.
"What is it? Is something wrong?" Santana immediately thought something bad happened judging from the volume and tone of the shorter girls voice next to her.
"Yes something's wrong, with you. What's going on? You've hardly said anything since I got here. You can tell me you know." Dani had turned her body to look at Santana more clearly. She had her left leg folded on the couch and her right leg was hanging off with one hand laying gently in her lap and the other one resting on Santana's arm for comfort.
"What are you doing on the sixth?" Santana asked ignoring the question.
"Um I don't know. I don't like to plan that far ahead. It keeps me from getting too overwhelmed and manic. Why?"
"Nothing important." Santana turned back towards the TV once again staring blankly at it. Dani could see her mind was still at work, but Dani could also see a hint of sadness. It was only there for a split second, but she saw it. It was something important.
"Yes, it is. Now tell me. We have to be open with each other if this thing between us is going to work San."
Santana swallowed and pursed her lips before saying anything. "It's my birthday." She said flatly not looking at Dani.
"You're birthday! That's great San, but why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because it's my 21st birthday and it's been planned for a while now." She answered putting an emphasis on 21st.
"So I'm guessing you plan on drinking then." Dani said more to herself than Santana. Santana nodded and looked at Dani with apologetic eyes.
"Rachel, Kurt, and I are going to go the bar I work at to drink and dance and have some fun. I really want to spend some of it, if not all of it with you, but I don't want to put you in a situation that might make your recovery difficult."
"Oh San." Dani leaned in and gave Santana a soft peck on the lips. "Honey go have fun with your friends. I want nothing more than to spend your birthday with you, but I have no idea what my schedule is like that day. I might be able to work something out and see you sometime before you go to the club." Santana smiled when she heard the proposition. She could work with seeing Dani before going to the club, but she was still a little unsure.
"Are you okay with me going to the club and drinking? I know we've talked about it a little bit, but I wont go if you don't want me too." Santana looked at Dani sheepishly. She didn't know why she felt so bad about drinking when Dani didn't. The old Santana wouldn't have cared at all. She would've gone out and drank even more just because she could, but this new Santana that Dani brought out, made her want to keep Dani comfortable.
"San, it's okay. Am I overly fond of you going out and drinking? No, but I trust you and from what I know of your friends I sort of trust them too. Just no driving and I want you to call me if anything happens and you need me. I wont hesitate to come and pick you up. Okay?"
"Okay. I will be on my best behavior and you can trust the wonder twins. They can be crazy and too overbearing, but they'll take care of me just like I'd take care of them."
"So are we good now? Can we go back to cuddling and maybe some kissing?" Dani asked as she scooted closer to Santana and put her arms around her neck.
Santana grabbed onto Dani's waist and pulled her a little closer. "Yeah we're good. Iz waz hoping I could get some more of my cuddlez on." Santana said before she crashed her lips onto Dani's. Dani breathed in sharply from the contact, but quickly leaned into the taller girl effectively making them fall backwards onto the couch. The two spent the rest of the night in each other's arms on the couch exploring each other's mouths and necks. Before long they snuggled into each other and fell asleep.
As soon as it turned midnight on June 6th Santana's phone buzzed alerting her of a text message. She grabbed the phone off of the nightstand and instantly smiled when she saw the name of the person who texted her.
Dani: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAN! I wanted to be the first person to tell you! Did I make it?
Santana: Awe thanks! Yes you were! :D
Dani: Good! I set an alarm to make sure I didn't miss it. I do need to go back to sleep though. My medicine knocks me out and if I keep texting they're n ot going to mke much since.
Santana: That's okay. It means a lot though. Thank you. :)
Dani: No prolm. Godithg Sannnnnn.
Santana couldn't help but laugh at Dani's last text. She could picture the blonde with her eyes slowing closing as she typed out the message and barely hitting the send button before falling back asleep. As her laughed died down she suddenly came to a realization. She used to do the same thing with Brittany. Every year on Brittany's birthday Santana did whatever she could to make sure she was the first one to tell her happy birthday. The years someone would beat her she would get so pissed off and Brittany would just laugh at her.
The memories pained Santana. It just brought back all the times she did everything she could to make Brittany's birthday spectacular just to end up spending her own birthday without her. Nearly every year was like that. The one birthday that Brittany managed to spend with Santana she spent the whole time on her phone talking to her then boyfriend and when her phone died Santana gave Brittany hers to use because she couldn't stand to see her best friend upset. She was only ever like that with Brittany. She always brought out the softer side in the Latina. Just like Dani.
Santana's mood was starting to darken. All the memories and mixed emotions running around in her mind at once, the voices in her head telling her Dani is the same as Brittany. All the comparisons started running through her head. Both blonde, both twenty, both into girls, one more so than the other, both bring out the softer side in her, both can sing and dance, both are keeping her or kept her a secret, and both would leave her heartbroken in the end. That last comparison is the one that stayed with her. She didn't even bother listing the differences. If she had she might have realized how much of a better person Dani is. Upset and unable to think straight Santana got out her paint supplies and delved into a new painting. When she was done she had a black canvas with a red human heart tilted on its side a little with a cut going down the middle and blood gushing everywhere, her heart being sliced open all over again.
When she was done she put the supplies away and left the painting out to dry. Then she went to liquor cabinet and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. She downed the last fourth of it in ten minutes. When it was gone she changed into her shorts and t-shirt and went to sleep hoping the alcohol would keep her knocked out until it was time to get ready to go out and drink some more.
At five o'clock in the evening Santana finally woke up. She was a little groggy at first and had a slight headache. The curtains were closed and the lights were off so it wasn't bright in her room at all, which she was very grateful for. Groaning she grabbed her phone noticing she had a dozen missed calls, texts messages, and voicemails. Some were from her fellow glee club friends wishing her a happy birthday and some where from some family. Quit a few of them were from Dani. When Santana saw her name she didn't smile this time. She read through them stone faced. Dani had called, texted her, and left her a voicemail. She had a few hours to herself and wanted to spend it with her. She said she had to be at a meeting at five so that was out was now out. She also said she came to the apartment, but there was no answer. Santana could tell she was disappointed and hurt, but she didn't care. To her the emotion was fake. Just like with Brittany. She was glad she missed Dani. She would've just ruined her buzz.
Santana walked over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot, and she just looked angry. Soon that anger subsided into a smirk. The same smirk she used to rule the halls of McKinley High with. Santana lightly chuckled to herself before stripping and getting into the shower.
After she got out she checked her phone out of habit. She saw a text from Dani asking if she was okay, but she ignored it. Instead she started to do her hair and then her make up. Going through her closet she picked out the tightest shortest dress she could find. She put on a black skin-tight strapless dress that just barely covered her ass. Looking in the full-length mirror on her closet door Santana knew the old her was back and nothing and no one was going to change that. Once she was satisfied, Santana grabbed her things and headed out the door to head towards the loft. This was going to be a night to remember or not remember.
Rachel opened the door to the loft and stood mouth agape and eyes bugged out. She was speechless at the sight of her friend.
"Are you going to let me in or not Hobbit? I would've done it myself, but I left my key at home." without saying a word Rachel stepped to the side. She managed to make eye contact with Kurt who was in the kitchen and mouthed "Oh My God!" to him without Santana seeing.
"I know you're talking about me Berry. I can see you with my Mexican Third Eye. Now quite talking about me like I'm not here and lets go. I needz to getz my drinkz on." Santana said turning around to face her friends. Both of them just stared at her, not sure what to make of everything.
"Well it looks like Satan has made an appearance." Kurt said breaking the silence.
"You're damn straight. Well as straight as a flaming homo can be. Are we going or what? I will go without you two?" Santana started to make her way back to the door and smiled devilishly when she heard the shuffle of feet behind her. When the three of them were out the door they headed down to the street to hail a cab.
"So is Dani coming?" Rachel asked trying to ease some of the tension in the cab. Santana scoffed.
"Of course not. Miss recovery doesn't drink remember. She's too good for it. She'd ruin the mood anyways."
"What the hell is going on with you Santana? You haven't been this way since high school. Did something happen between you and Dani?" Kurt asked nearly jumping down Santana's throat.
"Nothing happened. I'm just merely channeling my old self. It's about time she came back. Now can it Porcelain before I unleash Snix on you and we all know how that turned out last time." Kurt and Rachel visibly paled at the mention of Snix. They remembered the last time she came out. The person she unleashed it on ended up in the hospital, but she was so scared of the Latina she never pressed charges. The rest of the ride was silent and Santana relished the feeling of knowing she could still enlist fear in her closest friends.
Before going to the club they decided to get dinner at a fancy restaurant. The place had been booked months ago since it was nearly impossible to get a table. The dinner was a little awkward, but the conversation was kept light. They just talked about work and shows and about some of their glee club friends. Rachel and Kurt made sure to avoid mentioning Dani and Brittany. Right now it was easy, but once the drinking started, it might get a little more difficult. Even though Rachel and Kurt were already twenty-one they decided not to start drinking yet. Santana however ended up having three cocktails by the time they left, but since she ate she was just feeling a little buzzed.
By the time they got to the club her buzz was gone and she was ready to get absolutely plastered. She wanted to make this a birthday she would never remember. Being Thursday and ladies night, Rachel and Santana got in for free. Santana would've anyways since she worked there. She did get Kurt a discount at the door and the bar though. She figured she could be a little nice to them. They were still her family after all. She was able to get Rachel a discount as well at the bar. Upon entering the club Santana immediately veered towards the bar and quickly ordered a Dirty Whore's Bath Water, one of her favorite drinks. It had two of her favorite flavors, green apple and lemon mixed with a lot of vodka. She ordered the same for the wonder twins. She downed hers in two minutes flat and ordered a Gummybear next, something fruity after something sour. She drank that one a little slower, but didn't order another one after that. Instead she found a table and dragged her friends with her and pushed them down into a couple of seats.
"The Drag King show is starting soon. I wanted to get us some good seats," she said as they sat down. The effects of the alcohol slowly started hitting Santana. She was becoming a little more relaxed, but also hornier at the same time. The Latina started looking around the room to see if there was anyone that caught her eye and soon saw a redhead across the room. She knew it was Alison. She still had no real interest in the girl, but she also wasn't planning on going home alone. When they finally made eye contact Santana just winked at her before turning back to her friends.
"Whom did you just wink at?" Rachel asked.
"Alison. She works at the diner. She's been trying to get me to go on a date with her for a while now. I've told her no though."
"So what, are you considering it now?" Kurt asked intrigued. He was hoping he could get his friend to open up a little bit about the sudden shift in her personality.
"I still don't want to go on a date, but I'm not too opposed to a one night stand. Why not it is my birthday?" Santana got up and went back to the bar. She came back with three shots and another cocktail for herself. "Look I know you two are shocked into stupidom right now, but I'd really like for you two to just get the stick out of your asses and join me in getting completely shit faced on my birthday. I just want to have a good time with my friends and maybe a hot piece of ass afterwards." To seal the end of her rant she lifted up her shot glass and waited for the other two to do the same. Once they did, they clanged glasses and downed the hard liquor.
The Drag King show started not long after the shots were taken. Santana and Rachel each gave one of the Drag Kings a tip. Santana had put hers in between her breasts making the King bend down to grab the bill with her teeth. "Wanky," was all Santana said as the bill was taken from its resting place. The Drag King winked before going over to the next person.
After the show had ended Santana ordered another cocktail and headed to the dance floor with Rachel and Kurt following closely behind her. The music was blaring and Santana was feeling weightless and free. The three friends danced together at first. Kurt and Rachel had drank some more and were well on their way past tipsy and towards drunk. So it wasn't unusual to find them getting a little frisky with each other until they found someone else to dance with. Kurt and Rachel both managed to find a hot single guy and Santana found herself grinding up against Alison.
The redhead had been watching Santana all night waiting for the perfect time to get her alone. They hadn't said anything to each other. They just danced. Alison had come up behind the Latina and grabbed onto her hips swaying them back and forth to the rhythm of the song while pulling her closer. Eventually Alison started nipping at the base of Santana's neck. She'd suck and lick her way around on both sides. At one point she managed to find Santana's sweet spot, which made Santana release a moan. Taking this as encouragement Alison turned Santana around and swiftly pressed their lips together. Santana's hands immediately wrapped themselves in the other girl's hair while Alsion's hands wrapped around Santana's waist. The kiss was starting to get heated but before it could Santana was jolted out of her trance when she felt a slap on her arm.
"What the fuck?!" Santana yelled when she turned to look at her assailant, and before her stood a drunk and pissed off Rachel Berry.
"What the hell are you doing Santana? What about Dani?" Rachel yelled at her best friend. She was still in a slight state of shock at seeing her friend making out with another girl when she is supposedly dating someone else.
"I'm trying to get my mack on. So get the hell away from me dwarf!" Santana pushed Rachel just enough to get her to back off. She turned back towards Alison to pick up where she left off, but she was once again met with another slap on the arm. "So help me Berry if you do not stop I will go all Lima Heights on your ass!"
"You are not Brittany." That was all Rachel said before she stormed off with Kurt following closely after her.
Santana stiffened as the sentence played through her head on a loop. "What the hell does she mean by that?" She thought to herself. Alison tried to get Santana to come back to her and to continue what they were doing but instead Santana backed away. "I'll be right back," she said as she walked away went to the bathroom.
When she was in there she fixed her makeup, her hair, and her dress while she went over those words in her mind. "Of course I'm not Brittany. I'm Santana Marie Lopez. The only straight I am is a straight up bitch. I am from Lima Heights Adjacent and I will unleash Snix on anyone who threatens me or anyone I care about. I will drink, dance, and fuck whomever I want. It is my life and no one else's." Santana said to herself, trying to give herself a little pep talk. "Yeah, but Brittany was like that too. Manipulative. Got whatever she wanted. Played with people's emotions, used her "stupidity" to reel people in before completely fucking them over. Everything that came out of her was a lie." "That's not me. I'm better than Brittany. I'm Santana Lopez and I will get what I want without lying and manipulating." Finished with herchoppy and senseless inner monologue Santana left the bathroom to find Alison.
Santana spotted Alison at the bar and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Want to get out of here?" she asked huskily into the redhead's ear.
"It's about time you came to your senses Lopez." Santana took Alison's hand and lead her out the door of the club. The Latina hailed a cab and Alison got in first. Santana was just getting ready to climb in when someone behind her closed the door and hit the top of the cab telling the driver to go.
"What the fuck Lady Hummel?! I was just about to get laid. What the hell is wrong with you two?!" Santana yelled at both of her friends in the middle of the sidewalk. She didn't care that there were still people around listening. She was pissed off and not in the mood.
"What's wrong with us? What's wrong with you? For nearly two months you've been going on about Dani and how nervous she makes you and how much you like her and might want to be with her. Yet here you are about to take some random chick home to bang because you're going through some sort of crisis. What is going on with you Santana? This isn't you."
"'Might' being the operative word Hummel. Of course this is me. This was me back in high school. Don't you remember? I was the class slut. The whore everyone wanted to sleep with, but didn't want to deal with otherwise. A "plaything" if you will. Granted that's all they were to me anyways. I couldn't be with Brittany so why not just fuck the whole football team?"
"But you're not like that anymore Santana. You're a better person now. You've come so far. Don't throw it all away now." Rachel pleaded near tears.
"Are you sure about that Rachel? Don't I usually fuck some random chick at every party? Hell I fucked three in one night at one of the Halloween parties last year. I'm still the whore that nobody thinks that much of. Nobody really wants to be with me. Brittany didn't. Dani wont once she comes to her senses. She'll leave me just like Brittany did. I wouldn't be surprised if you two left too. I'm a Lima Loser and I always will be." Santana hailed a cab and got in before Kurt or Rachel could stop her. She wanted to cry, but kept it all in. She wasn't going to break down, not now. Instinctively she looked at her phone. She was slightly surprised at what she found, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she shouldn't have been.
She had a barrage of texts, calls, and voicemails all from Dani. That girl just would not give up. They all had the same message. Dani wanted to know if Santana was okay, if she needed anything, if she needed her. She was done for the day and could be by her side at a moments notice if need be. All of these messages started at nine and it was after one in the morning. The last one was sent fifteen minutes ago. Santana debated on whether or not she should answer, but in the end she decided not to. She didn't want to deal with the barrage of questions right now. Her mind was a mess and she couldn't make any sense of it at all.
Santana instead wobbled through the complex and up to her apartment. She didn't really feel like crying anymore so she made herself something small to eat, drank a bottle of water and took a pain pill before changing and going to bed.
A/N: Some heartbreak to go with mine. Any feedback would be nice. Thanks for reading.