THE OUTSIDER

by Iland Girl

"For those without 'purpose'."

A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction

I don't own anybody but Erin, Auntie, and Brayden... for now...

Chapter 10

"Family"

"One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family."
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

(Erin)

"Wow, I am never leaving this house again!"

I'd never eaten such a delicious meal before! Ed stared at me, surprised to see the speed I ate at. Winry laughed.

"Look Ed, somebody who can eat faster than you." She deadpanned with a smirk. I slowed down then, my cheeks turning pink.

"Ah! I'm really sorry! I haven't eaten food this good in years though! It's nice to have a home cooked meal." I said, looking to Pinako in thanks. She just chuckled before she continued to eat. Armstrong making huge statements about the homey feeling around us... and successfully killing said mood.

While eating, I glanced at Al propped up on a chair to sit at the table. A pang went through me when I realized why he hadn't eaten in front of me before.

Supper went by quickly, Winry telling me stories about the Brothers and her in their adventures as kids. Al and Ed would put in comments, and for a little while, I could see it. The warmth of the house wasn't made by a furnace, it was there because of the warmth they spread to each other.

They were a family.

I excused myself from the table, nobody really taking notice. Pinako nodded to me as I put my dishes in the sink. I had told her I would clean them up later. Then I made my way to go outside. Once there, I walked down the porch and sat in the grass. It was quite warm tonight, but the cool wind was welcomed on my warm skin. I sighed, lying down completely to stare at the stars.

Something that never changed.

I smiled, voicing all my findings as I looked through the constellations again. It was so lovely to just sit and think. Then my mind wandered to the dinner table, and I could remember home. At first I just thought of how horrible of a cook Auntie was, laughing a little as I recalled the last concoction she had made, but then my mind wandered to Mom and Dad and Uncle, about how they used to sit at the large kitchen table too. The six of us would eat together every other night, then Auntie and Uncle would walk down the street to their house.

Mom would take Bray and me upstairs, often putting us in our separate beds. Despite this I always woke up next to bray, whether he climbed in to my bed or vice versa. Mom would always sing us to sleep. Brayden would be out like a light, I would pretend to fall asleep. Instead I would stay up, signing the song softly until I fell asleep on my own.

I gulped, sitting up when I felt a lump in my throat that wouldn't budge.

Mom... Dad... Uncle... they were all gone. Auntie tried to be strong by smiling, while Bray just denied the fact that he even remembered them sometimes. He coped by pretending to be okay. Though I was different.

I let my pain fester, I had relished in the good, and cried during the bad. But I refused to forget these people, because they made me who I was today.

"Hush, Child, wait until morning." I sung, remembering Mother's voice as she sung it. "Sleep, now, babe you're still growing."

"And the night's moon watches you sleep.

So long as you don't make a peep.

Hush, Child, I'll be here waiting.

For you, to, wake in the morning.

When the suns glow bathes you in heat.

I'll be right here waiting as you sleep.

Hush, Child, wait until morning.

Sleep, now, babe you're still growing.

And the night's moon watches you sleep.

So long as you don't make a peep."

I hung my head as I stopped singing, the memory of Mother's smiling face embedded in my mind. I could remember that warmth whenever she sung to me, deep in the back of my mind, I knew I'd never forget such a warmth.

"That's a catchy tune, where did you learn that?"

I looked behind me in surprise. Ed was standing on the porch. A smile broke out across my face as he hopped over the railing and walked up to me. He sat down beside me, and I just looked up to the sky.

"My Mother sung it to me when she put me to bed." I said, glancing out of the corner of my eye to see an odd emotion flicker across Ed's face. I didn't want to say more, but I couldn't stop talking about her. "Whenever it was a clear night, Mom would take me outside to look at the stars."

"The stars?" Edward asked, sounding genuinely interested. I nodded, smiling at him.

"Yeah, Mother was always fascinated by them. They looked so tiny and insignificant, but up close they were a huge mass that could incinerate you. She was always fascinated by them. She would tell me all about the constellations..." I trailed off, almost forgetting the boy sitting next to me.

"I can see why you would look to the stars, I guess. It's a clear reminder of your Mom, but it still..." Ed trailed off. I had a feeling he wanted to say, 'But it still hurts to remember her'. For some reason I couldn't picture him talking out of a guess. He must miss his Mom too, but I doubt he saw things form the same perspective.

"Actually, I look at the stars not just because of her, but because they are a constant." I admitted, making him look up at me.

"Constant?"

"Yeah," I said, looking back up at the sky. "A lot of things have changed, I've met new people, made new friends, and even lost a few things along the way. With so much changing, it's nice to see at least somethings haven't changed."

I looked back to him, smiling.

"Don't you agree?"

He looked at me, seeming a little surprised. Then he relaxed into a crooked smile, then looked to the sky as well.

"Something the same, huh?" He asked rhetorically. I kept smiling as I stared at him, bathing in the moonlight, before I glanced at his missing arm.

"It hurts," I began, making him look back at me. A sad atmosphere taking me in. "To remember my Mom."

He looked away.

"But... I'd rather feel that pain, than forget. Because it meant she was here, she loved me, and she lived with me. Equivalency, right?" I ended softly. Ed gripped the grass roots with his left hand, his muscles clenching.

"You know," He began, his teeth gritted. "I'm starting to wonder if you were right."

My eyes widened, why was he saying this?

"Ed..."

"People die, and for what? What have they gained?" He asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked to the grass. "What have we gained? We've lost our Mother, we lost her, and what did she get in exchange for losing her life? What did we get for it? I don't understand anymore, when it comes to things like this I start to question equivalency."

It was quiet for a moment, but then I fingered at my locket. It jingled a little, the only noise other than the wind sweeping by us.

"I'm... not sure what you gained from losing your mother, perhaps something you can't see, like character," He snorted at this, looking unimpressed. "But the dead, they have gained something Ed." I said softly. He looked at me at me, and I looked into those eyes. Calmly, my grey orbs matched his gold flames.

"What could that be?" He asked, as though not expecting a real answer. A soft smile broke out across my lips, of course you gain something. It was the one thing keeping me at terms with the loss of my parents.

"Quiet."

He gave a small, shaky breath at that, his eyes impossibly wide. Then I looked away.

"The dead have no worries, no fears. They have nothing to think about except the quiet. It's what awaits all of us. We were given life, something no one but a mother could give. And we live with the notion that, one day, it will be taken back. But until it is, we use it in whatever way we deem fit. It's unfortunate that it's sometimes taken premature, but alas, if we knew when it was going to end, would we live life the way we do right now?"

Quiet, something everyone longed for, but didn't realize it was promised to them in the afterlife. Peace and comfort, it was all right there. So instead of asking for it, I would push ahead, into tomorrow.

"That, is the ultimate exchange. We live, so we must die." I said, thinking of Mother and Father, praying they were resting together.

For I had plenty of time for rest when I was dead.

"You really think so?" Ed asked, sounding unsure. For a boy who radiated confidence, this was unnerving. I turned to him, seeing he hung his head too.

"Yeah," I said. "I think that, your Mother, and mine, they're both at peace. They're both safe from any harm."

We sat there in the field, I'm not sure how long, but the moon had moved across the sky by the time I had noticed time passed me by.

(Erin)

Breakfast was the same as dinner. A warmth filled me as I watched the trio squabble. It was adorable really, I enjoyed watching them. Memories of my brother and I resurfacing once again.

Rubbing my eyes, I figured a nap would be good afterwards, since I'd only slept a handful of hours. Ed looked a little tired too.

"What about you, Erin?" Winry broke in suddenly. I perked up, my eyes opening more as she looked right at me. "Did you ever get into a lot of trouble as a kid?"

Of course I did, I got in a lot of trouble, but I was smart enough to leave clues that Brother did it. A smile pressed on my lips as I remembered one particular memory.

"Oh yeah," I began, faintly laughing. "When I was... ten.. I think... I was going to school with a lot more fortunate kids. Sometimes I would ask Mom if I could get the same toys they had. She made one rule. We had to save our own money to buy it, but if we could afford it it would be ours." I laughed a little, remembering how Brayden found the short cut, buying a broken PS3 and fixing it to work again, then using the left over money to buy games. "We learned shortcuts though, we'd take old and broken toys and fix them like new. In a way, we learned to appreciate everything we had."

I paused, giggling.

"There was one time, Mom was sick, so I took her car for a spin. I ended up breaking something and tried to fix it. Well it worked... for about two days... turns out I had mixed up some parts and the whole thing broke down in the middle of nowhere! Mom had to fix it up on the side of the road! Thank god she was a mechanic. She got so angry... But I always managed to play innocent and point to my brother." I thought of how Mom shouted at Bray when she found oil marks on his clothes and none on mine. Bray got revenge though by dying my hair in my sleep. "I guess Bray got the mechanics gene from Mom, not me."

"You have a brother?" Winry asked, perking up even more. I grinned, Bray's face resurfacing.

"Yeah, he's something. He's always trying to insist 'Brothers watch their Sisters'. Even though I'm the older sibling." I said, stuffing an egg in my mouth.

"Where is he now?" Al asked, both he and Ed staring at me. I swallowed, before continuing.

"Home."

When I didn't add on, Winry seemed to understand right away, the conversation picked up again. Looking down at my food, I suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore, so I excused myself before heading upstairs to nap.

(Erin)

"Resembool looks the same as when we left, right Brother?" Al asked.

"Yup, same old boring rural landscape." Ed said.

I glanced at the two, sitting in between Al who was still in a box, and Ed who was lying flat on my other side.

"Isn't that good though? Knowing everything is right where you left it?"

Ed and Al both glanced at me, but I just closed my eyes as a soft wind blew. My hair brushed past my scar, but I felt no need to hide it. The faint smell of cut grass and standing water caught my nose. I loved the smell, reminiscent of home.

"I guess." Ed said without much behind the words. I opened my eyes to see him sitting up now. His arm would be ready tomorrow, but the boy was getting anxious, sitting around and doing nothing.

"It's nice to know your home is intact, I'd hate to see it gone." I said, but when I was met with quietness from even Al, I knew something was up. Glancing between the two, I noticed both were looking down.

"We burned our home down when we left." Al admitted. My eyes widened, I hadn't expected that. Yet I could, with nobody there, it would only stand as a painful reminder nobody would be waiting for them there.

If Auntie and Bray weren't at home...

Sighing, I stood up, then turned to look at them. They both looked up, I chuckled crossing my arms and shaking my head.

"Morons, home isn't an actual place," I then knelt down and pressed my palms to each other their chests. Ed looked flustered, while Al made a small gasp. I closed my eyes, thinking my home. "Home isn't a house, a field, or the place you rest. It's where someone is waiting for your return. It's where open arms are always your welcoming. Home is where your loved ones are."

I opened my eyes and looked up to the Rockbell house not far off. A smile played at my lips.

"You boys, your home is still very much alive."

Ed and Al looked at each other, then at me. A small grin spread across Ed's face, Al making noises of agreement.

"Then what about you, Erin?" Al asked, making me zero in on him. "Where is your home?"

"Far away, yet just out of my reach." I said, closing my eyes again. The memories flooding a little too painfully.

"There's something that's been boring me," Ed began, looking at me when I opened my eyes. "You said you needed alchemy to get home, but why Alchemy? What is it you can gain from using it?"

It was quiet for a moment, my hesitation evident as Ed looked away then.

"Never mind," He muttered, looking a little put off. "But hey, I've got something for us to do!"

"Hm?" Was my amazing reply. Ed grinned as he brushed a small patch of dirt flat.

"Well, if we teach you the basics it'll save you getting a boot in the face by our teacher." Ed said as he began to draw a circle. I paled, this teacher sounded scarier than even Uncle.

"Al showed me the basics while we were waiting for you at East City," I began, brushing my own dirt patch away. He glanced at Al, who laughed a little, before pressing down on the now completed circle. My eyes widened as he built a small castle with such minute detail. A smile spread across my lips at that, but then Ed looked at me.

"Your turn!"

I gulped, feeling nervous as I looked down at my own basic circle. Closing my eyes, I pressed down on the circle. A warmth spread through me, like warm flames liking my core. I felt something inside of me stretch, as though it had never been used. What was this thing? It felt so... natural, like walking, but it felt like I'd never used it before. Like a new born learning to crawl.

Opening my eyes, I smiled down at my creation.

Three figures were standing with their backs to each other, forming a close knit triangle. I smiled, looking down at my figure, one of me, but the faces were more like a rag dolls. I wasn't able to do the minute detail like Ed.

"That was really good for your first try!" Ed said, looking down at the figure of him, then glancing at Al's. "Very good..."

I snorted.

"You're just happy because I made yours as tall as Al's... shrimp."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TADPOLE?!"

Feeling daring, I continued to tease.

"Tadpoles eat you for breakfast!"

"Oh yeah?! Well at least they can see me you two dimensional hag!"

Oh that got me going.

"I'm the same height as you! I dare you to take those platform boots of yours off and prove me wrong!"

"Please! I way taller than you! I checked!"

This made me pause, a confused look probably storming over my glare.

"Uh, you did? Um... when?" I asked, trying to think of a time he could've actually measured us together. No timing came up in my mind. Ed paused too, looking to the sky.

"Come to think of it, I don't think I ever did..." He said thoughtfully. Wait so did he forget when he did or actually lie about that whole thing? I glared again, prepping to run for it.

"Looks like your height's not the only thing short about you."

I booked it to behind Al as Ed tried to tackle me. Ed pointed an accusing finger at his brother.

"Al! You traitor!"

"Don't look at me! I'm stuck in this box!" Al cried, but I just smirked, sticking my tongue out at Ed. That really got him going, as we ran in circles around Al. He chased me for a good hour, that is, until I damn near died of exhaustion. Ed didn't even look tired! However, just before he could catch me, Pinako came out onto the porch.

"Alright kids, Ed, it's time to reattach your arm and leg." She said, but when I noticed Ed pale, I had a feeling this wasn't going to be good.

Author's Note!

Hi guys!

...

Oh... I see, there's just some crickets here... Sigh... I was hoping people liked this story... guess not...

On the bright side for me, I'm going away for the weekend! This is awesome for me because that means I get to take a break from this story! When I get back I'm probably going to do a lot of editing, so I probably won't 'update' this story for another week.

Well, not like I have any readers... seriously, my reader's box comes up as one person reading these chapters. Whoever you are, you rock by the way! I may post onnneeee more chapter, but that will be it for a while!

So rate and review!

Now excuse me while I go huddle in the corner for a bit and cry.

Cheers!

Iland Girl