CHAPTER 11:
As House limped through the doors of Princeton Plainsboro with his backpack over his shoulder, he stood there for a moment talking in all the sights, smells and faces he left behind him when he entered Mayfield. Silently he thought to himself, there's no place like home. Leaning at the entrance desk was Cuddy. On seeing him walk through the doors, she smiles and stands before him.
"Welcome home." She says.
"Thank you." He says. Then he says sarcastically, "Now where's my welcome back present?"
"We need to talk." She says seriously to him.
"I bet we do. Your office no doubt. Bet you've got a big surprise waiting for me….are they red lace or black lace?"
Taking a firm, serious tone she answers, "House…."
Sensing her uneasiness, House says to her, "After you boss."
They enter Cuddy's office with House following behind her.
Cuddy then goes to her desk and signals to House, "Close the door."
"I think I'm liking this already." He looks at his watch. "It's only 9AM and I'm already scheduled for a spanking."
"Sit." Cuddy says firmly to him.
Doing as he's told, he takes a seat in the chair across from her as she sits behind her desk.
"House, I have good news and bad news for you."
With praying hands he says, "Please tell me I don't have to do clinic duty."
"You don't."
"Yes!" He exclaims as he pumps his fist. "Did I tell you how much I love you?"
"I wouldn't get too excited right now."
Now concerned, House questions, "What are you talking about?"
"House, I am so sorry to do this to you, but I have no choice. Until the review panel meets to discuss your case, you are hereby temporarily suspended from practicing."
House starts getting a bit annoyed with her, "This is a joke, right?"
With a distressed look on her face, she tells him, "House, my hands are tied. I had to file a report with the Board of Medical Examiners concerning your situation. By law I am obligated to do that."
Angry he says to her, "So what the hell was all of this? You bring me here, dangling the prospect of me getting back into practice like a piece of meat, then tell me the meat is spoiled. This is low Cuddy...even for you." He tells her, pointing at her.
"House, it was not my intention for things to happen this way. I thought you might get a pass, since you are the one who took yourself out of the situation. But it didn't happen that way."
"So…what…me coming back here was just your way of parading me though here like some circus sideshow?"
Trying to keep her cool, knowing what House has been through, Cuddy says to him, "No, that was not my intention. I wanted to get you back here, because I know you would have gone stir crazy sitting at home, wondering what was going on here, driving Wilson and I nuts with a thousand questions."
"And what the hell am I supposed to do? Help the nurses give sponge baths? No thanks." He gets up to leave.
"House!" She calls to him. He stops, facing the door not looking at her.
She says, "Please listen to me for a few minutes."
He answers her sharply, " I think I've heard enough." He starts to walk out. But again she stops him with her firm words of angry emotion.
"This is your career, House! This is not some game we're playing. You can lose your job….your life! Do you really want that to happen? Do you really want to throw it all away because you are a stubborn pain in the ass? You're not making a sacrifice to save some patient's life, because you are the patient! It's time to make the sacrifice to save yourself."
It's quiet for a moment as Cuddy's words sink into House's mind. With his back still turned, he takes a deep breath knowing his future is on the line. He turns around to face her and asks, "What do I do?"
As she begins to answer him, he sits back down in the chair.
"The review panel is having an emergency meeting this afternoon. It will probably be suggested that you enter into the PAP program." She tells him.
House rolls his eyes, "Oh God."
"I know you'll hate that, but it will be the only way you can keep your license to practice without it being on your record. All of it will be kept confidential. It's for your own good House. The Professional Assistance Program will not only help you maintain your sanity, but keep you clean."
"And how long will I have to endure that crap?"
"The minimum is usually five years."
"Can't I just have you and Wilson continue lecturing me? That's torture enough."
"As much fun as that would be for us, it isn't exactly what the board wants. Chances are you'll be on a temporary suspension pending the reports from PAP. Once they and the medical board have gotten confirmation and proof that you are fit to practice again, the suspension will be lifted and you'll probably be put on a probation period with supervision."
"How long could this take?"
"You're looking at possibly three to four months."
Again House rolls his eyes, "And what do I until then? Sit at home and entertain myself?"
"I am going to make the suggestion to make you my assistant. You won't be near patients. You'll just be helping me do odd jobs."
"So, I get to be your whipping boy. Not my cup of tea unless you've actually got a whip and a leather outfit to make it worth my while."
"It's this or spending your entire day watching the Playboy channel."
Sarcastically he says, "Don't make the choice so easy for me."
"Trust me…my breasts are better and they're real." She jokes. Then she gets serious, "Please House. This is your only shot at getting back into this hospital, because there isn't much more I can do for you."
"Fine….but make sure you come to work wearing a push up bra and a tight skirt…at least then I can enjoy a nice view while I'm in hell."
He gets up and Cuddy says to him, "I'm so sorry, House. I'll see you this afternoon at the panel hearing. In the meantime, why don't you go see your team? They've missed you."
With his hand on the door he says to her dejectedly, "Don't you mean Foreman's team?" Then, he pushes the door and walks out of her office.
Cuddy is left standing there with a distraught look on her face, because not only is the situation killing House, it's killing her too.
Later on that day, House finds himself in front of the Medical Practitioner Review Panel. Aside from Cuddy's presence on the panel, it is also made up of four physicians and three health care service members. One of the physicians begins to speak.
"Dr. House, we are here to review your case regarding your leave of absence to enter into the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital. Upon reading the reports provided by Mayfield, we are aware of your condition regarding your experience of hallucinations, delusions and opiate addiction. After discussing your case we are prepared to submit to the New Jersey State Board of Medical Examiners a proposition regarding your situation. In that proposition, the panel will recommend that you enroll in the New Jersey Professional Assistance program for a minimum of no less than five years for at least twice a month until such time as the PAP team feels your progress is satisfactory. The PAP team, at their discretion, may lessen your visits to once per month. During that time the PAP team will conduct evaluations of your progress regarding your condition and will report those findings to the Board and all parties involved in your employment at Princeton Plainsboro. If the Board deems your progress satisfactory and you have proven yourself to be a fit medical practitioner, then it will be with their approval that your license be reinstated and you be allowed to practice medicine. During the waiting period, Dr. Cuddy has made the suggestion that you serve as her assistant. This request will be submitted under the following conditions; you are not allowed to go near patients or consult on any medical cases. Your medical privileges will also be temporarily revoked. Thus, you will not be able to sign for tests or prescriptions for any patients. Access to any confidential medical records will be denied. You must report directly to Dr. Cuddy and stay under her supervision during your period of suspension. Dr. House, do you understand all that I have explained to you?"
With mock sarcasm, House says, "Not sure I got it all…do you think you can go over it again?"
Cuddy shoots him a stern look. On her look of annoyance, House says, "Yes, I got it. I can't breathe, sneeze or spit on the patients. I have to stay in my own bubble. At least I have less chance of contracting the swine flu then."
Cuddy bites her lip in frustration.
"Good." The physician says. "This concludes our meeting."
House quips, "So glad we did this."
The physician turns to Cuddy and says, "Good luck having his license reinstated."
As they all exit, Cuddy catches up to House, "Must you be an ass to everyone, especially during a time like this?"
"If I weren't an ass, then people would still think there was something wrong with me. Figured I wouldn't leave anything to question."
She stops him by standing in front of him. Then asks, "You really enjoy driving me crazy, don't you?"
"Hey, if I'm going down, you're coming with me….which reminds me…..Thursday good for our date?"
She gives him an annoyed face and walks away. As she does, House stares at her ass with a grin on his face and says, "God I missed that ass."