I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers

And laid entwined together on a bed of clover

Left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness.

-Bright Eyes

I have never enjoyed school.

If I were to be honest with you, it is in my sincere and humble opinion that I've never found it to be much of a challenge. Everything seemed too easy to handle, which is why I excelled in it the way I did. I found everybody inferior but I still put up with them… It's quite amusing to have everybody kiss my ass even though I secretly think they're not worth my time.

Even now, as I breathe a sigh of relief upon hearing the bell ring, I close the clasp of my Louis Vuitton bag and stand up with a pretty smile painted on my face while I prepare myself for the inevitable greeting and general attempts at small talk from the morons whom I called classmates and friends.

It is as if my mouth has a life of its own because I am chuckling and laughing and even flirting (with the guys) with people who are suddenly in my company. We walk down the hallway and Tia (an insignificant twit who wants to be me) suddenly gives an excited squeal while I am in the middle of a story.

Annoyed, I look at her but she only gives me an envious look.

"Isn't that, like, Conner Valmont? It is, isn't it? He's like, so hot!"

My annoyance melts away completely when I realize he was waiting for me by the benches. He catches my gaze and smiles disarmingly, completely oblivious to the fact that almost the entire female population present had begun eyeing him.

"I have to go." I announce and then before they can reply, I walk briskly toward him.

"What are you doing here?"

He stands up and again he smiles halfway. My God, he was completely too fucking gorgeous I swear I could fuck him right then and there. Conner leans down (because he was much taller than me) and kisses my cheek, his hand placing itself on my waist.

"Actually, I was looking for a certain senior but I don't think she's come out yet… Perhaps you might help?" He frowns slightly, looking thoughtful. "She's… this tall, with green eyes and a very bitchy attitude. Some people call her Kathryn, but she also answers to Kate... Although that's only for people who really know her."

"Well… I think I know where she is, but she currently has a meeting so I suppose you'll have to take me along for the meantime?"

He chuckles and I want so badly for him to touch me again that it's making me severely uncomfortable. He doesn't.

"Think I can steal you away for a couple of hours? We never had that dinner."

"It's three in the afternoon."

"It's okay. I never wanted the dinner. I just wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

My hands suddenly feel cold. Alana Vaughn?

But he shrugs. Sometimes I wish he were as easy to read as the others.

"Just stuff."

I enter his rented dark blue Porsche while he shuts the door for me. Like Sebastian, he may have his oddities and he may sometimes be a jerk (although not to me), but he has manners.

The car pulls away from the curb and I steal a look at his profile if only to gain some sort of clue as to what he was thinking.

But there was nothing. No expression except when he realized what I was trying to do. He grins at me, raising his eyebrows as if to say "What?"

I wish I could read you.

He takes me to the gallery where he was going to exhibit his photographs and I realize that it was completely deserted. I would have felt apprehension had it been any other man since I've never liked surprises but with Conner, I only felt oddly excited.

I rub my hands on my arms, shivering slightly at the freezing temperature of the AC. Before I know it, he's wrapped his coat around me in such a gentle manner a part of me wanted to just do it, to just kiss him and have him and never be able to worry about anything again.

"Trade you a secret?" He asks, looking at his hands.

I nod.

"Go first?" He looks at me, his eyes so fucking perfect underneath the thick dark lashes.

"Alright."

He looks at me expectantly and I want to jump him and fuck him in the middle of the afternoon inside that deserted gallery.

"When you came here… At that exact point, at that exact moment, it was like…"

I pause, trying to collect my thoughts.

"After Sebastian's accident, I went to the hospital to see him and he said that he never wanted to have anything to do with me again… I…"

"I felt alone because I lost him and when I saw you that day, it was like… I was safe again."

I'm actually fidgeting. I've never done it before, but I'm doing it now. I don't want to see his reaction, in fact I pretty much feel like I want to disappear completely.

He doesn't say anything for a while and I'm worried that I might have freaked him out. Did I sound needy? Pathetic? Fuck! I never worried about these things in the past. What had he done to me?

"I'm tired." Conner says quietly, his hands find mine and he stops me with my fidgeting. "This is just wearing me out, Kate. I can't… I can't do it anymore."

"Do what?"

"God…" He swallows, his eyes locking into mine. The walls are crumbling before me and for the first time I really see him. "You don't have any idea, do you?"

"Trying to read you is like trying to predict the future."

"I want you, Kate. I want… I want to do things to you, to kiss you and… everything. I just…"

If you have any idea what it feels like to get hit with something that just completely blindsides you, then you'll know what it is like for me at that moment.

"So stop fighting it." I reply, touching his face with my hands the way he did when he came that day I ruined Cecile's life.

He opens his mouth to talk but thinks better of it. As he takes my hands away from his face, he leans in and then our eyes are closed and he kisses me.

The kiss quickly evolves into something else and it was like he had been keeping it inside for so long that it now comes out at such a dangerously sexual pace. I don't even know how I had climbed on his lap and yet here I was, his hand had slipped under my blouse and he'd begun to fondle my breasts, adding to the now searing heat that turned into an almost unbearable ache between my thighs. I tilted my neck back while he kisses down the column of my neck and I grind myself against his crotch, causing him to gasp.

I think I can love him now.

He groans at the act, his mouth was still pressed against my skin. He murmurs my name in a deep voice and I pull him closer to me like we would suddenly be in Madrid where there was no Alana and no Sebastian anymore.

When I move to unzip his pants, he grabs my shoulders and pushes me away to hold me at arm's length.

"Wait." He says, breathing heavily. His normally pale face is slightly red and his pupils are dilated and darkened.

"I've waited long enough. We've waited long enough, Conner." I answer with half shut eyes, my body seems to be moving on its own while I move my hips in a small circular motion, loving how it felt and knowing I wanted more.

"Not here." He bites his lower lip, nibbling on it. I push his arms away and I lick his lips, caressing the back of his neck.

"It's unfair how you make me so horny and then pull away like that." I pout petulantly, watching as he looks at me. I love how he looks at me, I love the undisguised craving in his eyes, and I really loved the way he looked like he was going to eat me alive at the moment.

Screw can. I think I loved him now.

"I just want it to be…"

"Special?" I tease, grinning coyly. "We've already fucked before. I don't think it's really necessary at this point."

It's like I've dug out a particularly bad memory because his expression darkens. He winces like I'm hurting him and I don't know what I've done but I know that I want it to stop. He's even trying to push me away, but I'm not letting him.

"Get off." He shakes his head slightly and momentarily I wonder if he's bipolar. "This is a mistake."

"No!" I shake him enough to rattle his teeth, I'd like to shake the conscience away from him too. I grab his chin and force him to look at me, going so close I can feel his breath against my mouth. "What's wrong? What did I say??"

"I'm driving you back to your place." He tries turning away from me but I slap him hard.

"I want you so badly, don't you know that?" I tell him in a pleading tone, kissing his full mouth over and over again like it will make him stop worrying. "I do, Conner. You… You tell me you'd like to do things to me, well I want that too. I want you. I want you inside me, I want you with me," I press my cheek against his jaw. "So whatever it is, just stop it. Stop fighting it, I don't fucking care about your fiancée."

"Sebastian."

Sebastian. Blue eyes. Blond hair. My Seb. His hands. His mouth. The only other man I could have loved.

"I don't care about him, too." I stroke the now growing hair, wondering when I'll be able to see the large curls I loved twisting around with my fingers.

"You don't?"

God, his voice. It seemed so young at that point.

I shake my head, smiling before I kiss him again. This time he responds, and weird as it may sound, that's just what we do until it seemed right to leave. When I stand up and fix my blouse (which suddenly seemed to have been unbuttoned) and he wraps an arm around me protectively. Like he's worried I might leave or something. I feel like I'm really seventeen at that point, because I feel satisfied and happy and nearly stupidly giddy I had to stop myself from smiling just so I won't look like a moron.

I spend the ride home cuddled against him, worried of the same thing he was. That he might leave. So this is what it feels like.

When we reach the house, I'm glad Sebastian wasn't home. I take his hand and lead him up to my room, and at that point everything else was gone.

My Conner. Mine now.
---

The next day I wake up and he's still there, wide-awake and as perfectly handsome as ever.

"Good morning." He grins at me, playing with my hand.

I just stare at him for a while and wonder if everything that's happened, from Sebastian to Annette to the betrayal, if it's all some sort of path for me to be here with Conner right now.

"It is, isn't it?" I finally reply and he kisses my forehead.

"This is nice."

"It is, isn't it?" he replies, laughing as he repeats my words. I punch his arm and his smile disappears into my neck while he begins kissing me there. It tickles. I try not to chuckle but it escapes my throat anyway, and as we spend the first few minutes of the morning in bed, I realize that I can do without fucking Dean Hargrove.

I am happy now.

I wrap my arms around him and he starts tickling me. The laughter comes out easily now, and I am too tired to hold back. Between fits of laughter and vain attempts to push him off me, I don't hear the subtle knock on my door until it finally becomes louder.

"Kathryn, is Conner with you?"

We both freeze, I in my mid laugh and Conner in attempting to pin me to the mattress.

"Tell me you don't care anymore."

His voice. That voice again, pleading somehow. Didn't he understand at all what he's done to me?

"I don't care anymore." I reply, smiling at his suddenly serious expression while I run my hand over his short hair. "Want to answer the door or should I?"

"I'll take a bath." He props himself up and stares at me intently. I can only look back and wonder. Was this it then?

"Give a minute to tell him to fuck off and I'll join you."

I open the door just as Conner was about to step into the bathroom, only I realize that Sebastian wasn't alone. A startlingly beautiful red haired woman (also known as the bitch stick with breasts and a brain) stands beside him and she catches a glimpse of Conner with the sheets wrapped around his waist.

"Oh, God." Alana Vaughn has a voice that screamed sensuality and I wanted to rip out her throat for it.

The expression on Conner's face at that point... The mild discomfort and guilt contrasted evenly with my stepbrother's indication of utter apathy and I can only glare at him hatefully.

Alana's voice breaks and she tells Conner something in Spanish and immediately his jaw drops open. As she turns on her heel to walk away, he calls out her name. Yells it even.

"Wait!" His voice echoes through the empty hallway but she doesn't stop.

Wait. I grab his arm as he attempts to pass us half dressed, his dark eyes frantic with alarm.

"Kate…" He says, looking at me. "God, Kate… I can't…"

He looks at Sebastian and then at me, "I have to go."

And off he went.

I gape at his retreating figure in silence, feeling something that was akin to crushing disappointment. This ends when I feel Sebastian's hand on my shoulder, like he wanted to give me the comfort that had been months too late. When I needed it from him, he called me a whore. I don't need it from him now.

I shrug his hand away and slap his face.

"What the fuck!"

"You called her! You—"

Slap.

"Fucking—"

Slap.

"BASTARD!"

He backs into my room to shield himself from my attacks, his arms protecting his face. Oh, damn his face. I wanted to claw it off his skull.

"You knew! You knew I had gotten him and you just wanted to ruin it!"

He finally has enough and the roles are reversed. Just like our games in the past, he sidesteps before he catches my arms angrily. His grip signifies his increasing frustration at my violent behavior but I only knee his groin, causing him to fall back on my bed with a pained curse.

"Goddamn you!" He hisses, his face bright red. "Do you honestly think it was only my doing? HE LEFT YOU! I NEVER MADE HIM DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"

"CONNER LOVES ME!"

A wry and twisted smile comes across the mouth I had once kissed and now only wanted to tear off.

"Funny way of showing it, don't you think?"

I swiped my curled fingers across his cheek, effectively leaving at least two deep scratches that turned red in the wake of the attack. Blood. I wanted to draw more from him. To make him bleed and watch him suffer.

"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT IT??" I screech, turning away to wipe the angry tears that have covered my eyes. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED! I HATE YOU!"

His teeth is still gritted but it seems like the pain has subsided. Sebastian sits upright, staring at me as hatefully as I am looking at him.

"You're right, Kathryn. What would I know about it? It's not like I haven't loved you since I really knew you. It's not like I fucking wanted you more than anything else, it's really not as if I had been willing to throw away the first semblance of what seemed to be love just to have you in bed, to be inside you and to have you touch me and say my name while you had your eyes shut and your voice reduced to mere whispers." He laughs harshly, "It isn't like that at all, is it? I wouldn't know anything about loving you, would I? Because you never let me…" His face contorts in a silent fury. In full frustrated mode as he punches the mattress futilely, letting out an angry curse. "Fuck! It isn't like that to you, is it? So yes, you're right. I wouldn't know anything about that. I wouldn't know anything about being jealous of Court and Adrian and every other goddamn moron who got to be with you, because I can't, can I? You'll never allow it. We're related in their eyes, I can never take you out and put my arm around you and kiss you the way I want to. I can never be your date to these stupid fucking charities you organize and the moronic high school dances I laugh at. We can never be a fucking couple, can we? You'll be ashamed of me. You'll just push me away. In retrospect, I suppose you're right."

He stands up, fixing his rumpled clothes and clearing his throat like he just hasn't made a confession that turned me speechless. He has two claw marks that now turned an ugly red on his cheek and he presses a handkerchief against it, staring at me as though he waited for me to continue hurting him.

"You left me." I finally get something to say, and perhaps this wasn't the best of comebacks but it was the only thing I could think of saying. "You're just saying this because of Conner. Typical. You want me now that I've started to want someone else."

Oh, Christ… This time, the expression on his face… Hopeful. Little boy. My Sebastian.

"You wanted me?"

"Of course I wanted you, you stupid fag."

He blinks and then flashes me the most heartbreaking and saddest smile he has probably ever given in his entire life.

"The time we missed." He replies quietly, "God. I hate us for it."

I don't reply.

"Do you think you love him yet?"

I look at my feet.

"He cares for you." He continues. "I've seen him with Alana and he's different when he's around you."

"I know."

"Okay." He nods and I don't move. I just continue looking at my feet like they held all the answers in this fucking world.

"Hey, Kate?"

Kate. There it was again. My hands grow cold at the sound of that nickname escaping from the mouth of a boy who only called me a dirty whore.

"Oh, you're calling me that again."

"Why? I can't anymore? Is Conner the only one entitled to it now? God, you are just unbelievable…" His voice trails off. I turn my attention back to him and I see the large bags under his blue eyes. He looks tired, too.

"I don't want to fight." He replies simply. "Blaine's been calling for you. I think it's about the private detective you sent to find Annette… Only you should have just asked me instead of hiring some two-bit loser to tail her. She's moved back to Kansas and she's dating Trevor again… She's pregnant now."

"What??"

"It's Trevor's." He hastens to add, "We haven't… I mean… We have, but… It's not mine."

Wait. What? I knew she was getting fat. So it wasn't the stupid headband she wore the last time I saw her after all. I would have laughed if Sebastian didn't look so serious. Stupid bitch. I wonder what dear old daddy thinks of her now… And I suppose the amusing thing is, I never had to do anything for her life to fuck itself up. Thank you, God. I may not believe in you but if you do exist, then you must have a very soft spot for me.

"We broke up when Conner came… She…"

I frown. The bet. How she threatened me. Was it because of that?

Sebastian knows me too well.

"It wasn't just you, so don't be too full of yourself. You know that two-week thing? She just… She thought I was cheating. She hooked up with Trevor and they had an affair." He shrugs, "Never mind. It doesn't matter, does it?"

"But… But you told me not to hurt her… You still protected her!"

Sebastian shrugs again, "I care for her. I have my reasons."

"Even though she cheated on you??"

"She violated my trust by even making a copy of my journal. I didn't trust her enough to share some parts of my life that I should have if I claimed to love her. In hindsight, I suppose the trust issue's been fucked up already."

"Why…"

"Why didn't I tell you?"

I nod, silenced.

He smiles that devilish grin of his, "It was fun watching you flirt with the Dean, knowing you were thinking of fucking him just to screw up his family. Well, fun and nauseating. I knew you that if you wouldn't be able to dig up anything on Annette, you'd go after her father. I know about Alexa White, too. Don't you think I would have done my research as well?"

"Sebastian…"

"Do you love him?"

"I… I could."

"Could." He muses. "That's a strong word coming from you. It denotes possibilities."

"But you hate me! Why the hell are you—"

"Go."

I stop talking and look at him, confused.

"I heard you laughing when I was outside your room… I thought it wasn't you because I've never heard you like that before. So if he's the guy, then go. He has issues, but he'll never hurt you."

"But…"

"I've never been a brother to you, Kate. So just this once, I think I'm giving it a try. Go." He hands me the keys to his Jag, smiling again. "I'll be here when you get back."

"What are you…"

"You need to do it. They're probably at the hotel right now."

I wonder if it's a test. The keys feel slightly cold against my palm and his hand lingers for a moment before he retracts it. When he turns to leave, I place a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"Are we… Are we okay?"

"There was never anything wrong with us." He replies before exiting.

Conner.

---

It's easy to find out whether or not they were indeed inside the hotel suite Conner resided in. Even as I slipped in clandestinely, using the key card Conner had given when he arrived to visit, I hear Alana's voice. They were arguing in two languages and I was mostly glad that it was English. I could only surmise the Spanish words to be profanities. It mostly came from her though.

Conner's speaking in English though. I hide behind an empty room and watch as they confront each other. Alana had shoved him and then yelled something with the name Philip, slapping Conner's cheek as though punctuating her sentence.

I once told you that it takes very few things to faze him, but when he gets angry, he can be very scary. The moment she says that sentence, the color drains from his face. Philip. I search my memory for some sort of clue or a face I might remember during my visits in Spain but there was none.

"YOU WHAT!" He yells angrily, his fists clenching. "HE WAS MY FRIEND! WE WERE ENGAGED THEN, ALANA! Hijo de puta!"

Son of a bitch. Or whore, if you literally translated the last word. Son of a whore. I remembered that much from the days when he'd cheekily teach me profanities in Spanish.

"We're engaged now!" She screams back, tears falling down her face. She tries to grab his shoulders but he jerks away from her with utmost revulsion. Whoever this Philip was, he must be a real jackass. "It… It was a mistake, okay?"

"How many times?" He barks, shaking.

"It doesn't matter!"

"YES IT DOES! YES IT FUCKING DOES!" He responds, full of rage.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TURN THIS ON ME?? YOU SLEPT WITH THAT… THAT GIRL!"

Girl? How dare she??

"Her name's Kathryn!" He retorts, "We're separated right now, Alana! You slept with him while we were still together!"

"We're not separated!" She touches his face the way I did and I felt myself burn with jealousy. "This is your fault! You want to know why I slept with Philip? You were gone! You…"

She starts crying and it seems like the anger that had fueled her earlier is now gone.

"You wouldn't let me in…" She whispers pitifully, "I got tired of it, Conner… But it was a mistake…I never… I… I love you, okay? Please just don't run away from me again… I… You just had to let me in…"

She starts beating his chest angrily with futile, ineffective punches as Conner stands stricken. He takes it all, looking sad and tired.

"You couldn't just try… Just… Try…" She whispers something in Spanish and slowly his arms go around her. He begins stroking her hair, soothing her in the same language. I didn't understand anything.

I saw him slightly shiver and I realize that in his haste to go after her, he'd forgotten to put on his shirt. Her hands eventually begin rubbing his back and at first he stiffens as she caresses his scars but then he lets her.

He lets her.

"Conner."

I didn't mean to say it out loud but as the word escapes my mouth, it is loud and clear. They both look at me and suddenly I feel like I am strangely intruding even though I know that I had a right to be there.

He glances at me and then at her, sorrow reflecting in his eyes.

"Kate." He replies and then whispers something to Alana, who nods and turns away from us. As he enters the room and closes the door behind him, he motions for me to take a seat. I look at him like he's just asked me to jump off the balcony. How can he ask me to do that when I feel like my heart's about to jump out of my body?

"You're choosing her." I say in a flat tone.

He sighs, "You don't understand…"

He reaches out for me but I shove him back, taking a step away from him.

"Yes, I do. You're fucking worried, aren't you? Is it because you're a Valmont? You're worried about what people might think? Is it because I'm a minor?" I challenge him spitefully, "I'm turning eighteen in three months, goddamn you! You-you can't make me love you and then choose her! It doesn't work like that! It doesn't fucking work like that! You're not willing to fight for me, you stupid coward!"

I move to slap him but he catches my arm, suddenly breathing heavily. I remember how he breathed the same way when he'd been inside me last night. How could things have changed so much since then?

"I am willing to do anything for you." He replies quietly, his eyes meeting mine and I was sure he was telling the truth. "You say I'm not willing to fight for you? You can't be fucking serious, Kathryn. I am. I would do anything I could just to have you. I'd fucking move here if I have to, I don't give a fuck if my uncle's married to your mother. I don't give a fuck if you're only seventeen either. I love you. I always have."

"Then why…?"

"Ask me why I shaved my head."

"Huh?" I was not expecting that.

"Ask me." He gently lets go of my arm.

"Why did you?"

"You called me Sebastian."

"What? When did I…" My voice trails off. I remember his reaction when I mentioned how he'd fucked me before… How he seemed to have changed his mind about kissing me. Like I'd unearthed a bad memory…

He nods as understanding dawns on me.

"You called me Sebastian… You were kissing me and playing with my hair while we were… You called me Sebastian." He says again. "It's not that I'm not willing to fight for you, Kate. You know it isn't… I love you, and I think you love me. But I don't like sharing. What I want from you, you'll never be able to give."

"What do you want from me?" I ask hoarsely, too stunned to speak.

"You just can't." he replies, frowning like this pains him more than it did when he'd been talking to Alana.

"You're settling." I remark bitterly, "Just because you're fucking scared of—"

"I am not scared of anything."

"Even if I did… do what you said I did, that was last year! I've changed!"

Desperately pleading for a boy to love me. My God. Have I changed or what?

He shakes his head, "Your plan… You wanted to have sex with Annette's father just to screw with him… You wanted me to hurt you afterwards… Make it look real? That's what you said, right? Do you have any idea how that made me feel? You were willing to do something as… foul as that just to get back at him."

"That wasn't about Sebastian! It was about WINNING!" I screech, suddenly wanting to gag his mouth so he wouldn't be able to talk.

"No, it wasn't."

"Is this your way of rejecting me? What, is this some sort of reverse psychology bullshit so you'll make it seem like it's my fault that we're not going to work out??"

My voice reaches near hysteria. All I know is that I cannot lose Conner. I only want him to kiss me and be inside of me, I want him to pick me up at school with that smile on his face, like he knows that I wanted nothing more than to disappear with him and never come back. Screw Sebastian.

"You called me Sebastian twice. You were murmuring it when you were drunk that day."

"I LOVED HIM THEN! I LOVE YOU NOW!"

"Kate…"

He pulls me into a hug but I wrench away from him, slapping and hurting every part of him I can hit.

"NO! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?? I HATE YOU!"

I run. I don't know for how long or how fast I run and I drive but eventually night reaches me. I turn off the engine and stare into the empty darkness of the garage underneath the townhouse. I feel something wet slide down my cheeks and I check the blinking cell phone. Voice messages. Five from Conner, none from Sebastian. Why won't he understand?

I stay motionless in the car as I play his messages. Frantic. Desperate. Full of love and gentleness and apologies. I hated him at that point. He's leaving with her.

About ten minutes later I hear a familiar set of footsteps and the door opens. The light from inside the house makes me close my eyes but Sebastian doesn't turn on the lights inside the garage. Instead, he closes the door and once again we are immersed in the darkness.

"He's gone."

He doesn't talk. He only climbs into the passenger's seat and takes the now silent phone away from me. Sebastian's hand slowly reaches for my wrist and he squeezes it slightly.

"Why am I always stuck with you?" I ask out of the blue and I hear him chuckle.

"I could ask the same question to you."

"Sebastian?"

"Hmm?"

"Whatever happens right now, can we just forget about it afterwards?"

He remains silent, as though contemplating my strange request before he finally responds.

"Okay."

"Do you swear?"

"I do."

"Alright."

I turn and climb on his lap, placing my cheek on his shoulder while I wrap my arms around his neck. If he's surprised, he doesn't show it. In fact, it is as if he'd known I was going to do that because he only kisses my forehead while he holds on to me. I play with his hair and start twisting the strands into large curls.

"Conner." I whisper again and he stiffens. His entire upper body becomes straight and I anticipated him pushing me off his lap but he only stays still.

"Is this what you need?" Sebastian asks, rubbing my lower back.

"Yes." I feel the wetness down my cheeks like warm saltwater. "Yes."

His body relaxes and I continue playing with his hair. He reaches for my neck and pulls me down. I kiss his mouth, his full mouth opening in response.

"Conner." I say again and he slips his tongue into my mouth. I kiss it, my lips wrap around it before he retracts and then his hands wander up and down my back, then he cups my breast through the thin fabric of my dress. I moan and arch my back, shutting my eyes angrily to stop the flow of angry and frustrated tears.

"Do you need me to be him?" He asks, kissing my neck sensually.

"Yes." I reply, half lost in the illusion and the sensations of being against him like this.

"I'm staying with you." He kneads my breast and I feel him harden when I sway my hips against his lap.

"More." I hate myself for doing this.

"I don't want her. I just want you."

I kiss his mouth more than his other parts because it is full and soft and it reminds me of his cousin.

"Yes." I gasp, half sobbing and half disgusted at myself because of what I was doing.

"I love you, Kathryn"

The moment Sebastian says that I stop. I pull away from his waiting mouth and I lean against him, completely exhausted and tired of everything I was feeling.

He understands. He always does.

A/N: So much for Team Conner. Alright I just wanted to thank you guys and I really would reply in length but I have a major exam tomorrow and I just spent 2 hours on this chapter so I'm really sorry but I have to go. Thank you again for reading and I'm glad you like it, and to those of you who said I would get into that writing program, thank you so much! It really means a lot. It took me this long to realize I couldn't ignore this writing thing at all. Geez. For someone who can write perceptive thoughts, I can be pretty damn dense. I guess that's it. I would have had Kathryn go on with the whole scheme but then it would have turned into another one of those stories and I'm trying to stay away from that.