Within the next couple of weeks, time seemed to slow down significantly for everyone. Dan and Arin fell back into a normal routine of recording videos. And although the temperature had only decreased by four degrees as August turned into September, Dan felt changes happening all around him. The air had become a touch cooler as he walked through downtown Santa Monica with Arin and Suzy, each of them strolling casually with coffee in their hands. The other Grumps (Ross, Holly, Matt, Ryan, Barry and Vernon) were all wandering around separately in small groups. Everyone had agreed to go incognito while wearing various caps, glasses and baggy clothes. It happened to be a quieter day for them anyway, and nobody was stopped by a fan on the street. After getting lunch at a local sandwich place, they were indulging in some fresh air and a bit of shopping for the day. As Suzy pointed at the windows of nearby shops, Dan took a seat at a nearby bench and looked up at some palm trees. He wondered briefly if the leaves were changing color upstate.

Dan had been calling or texting Brian every day to check on him in the morning. Brian always responded, although sometimes no more than a brief greeting. Sometimes he told Dan what he was up to for the day. He had extended his vacation a little bit he said, although he admitted that he wanted to see everyone again. Dan was just happy that he wasn't having anymore strange episodes. Sometimes Brian seemed anxious or sad over the phone, but he listened as Danny shared new song ideas with him. And even though it wasn't ideal, Danny practiced singing occasionally in Arin's basement.

But Dan had realized that he wasn't spending enough time outside when he began to get hit with bouts of sudden claustrophobia throughout the day. He had to stop a recent recording session when he was hit by a sudden panic attack that caused him to run outside. As Arin sat with him on the sidewalk while he took deep breaths, Arin felt guilty. The problem hadn't even occurred to him.

So now everyone spent more time going out when they could. With this came significant mental changes for Dan. He could almost feel his mind physically broadening over time, struggling to find a peaceful balance between himself, his feelings, and his relationship to everything around him. The freedom of wandering around Santa Monica with his friends in itself contained a quality of surrealism. Even with the relief that the open sky above provided him, as Dan watched people and cars pass him along the street, he always vaguely felt like he was in a play. An actor. An extra.

It didn't help that no one seemed to be getting any closer to Dan. They were spending more time with him, sure. He saw the guys more often in the office. He even joined them here and there for lunch or tabletop games. But there was a staleness to everyone's attitude around him. Whenever he spoke with them, it was always small talk. Jokes. Cubical banter. Empty calorie talk. But even if they'd asked him about his day, what could he even say that was so refreshing?

Dan had tried to call his musician friends, like TWRP. They never responded to his calls. They did shoot him a text, saying that they could meet up once Brian gets back. At that point, Dan was too hurt to even reply. He brushed off his feelings to them being busy on tour.

Dan felt that Arin, Brian and Suzy were slowly becoming his only friends. And as time passed, he felt more and more like a burden on them. After his latest doctor appointment, Katie had recommended that Arin begin doing small memory-building exercises with Dan. These consisted of simple things like flashcard memorization, reading and writing specific paragraphs, along with general memory recall. There were no more weird incidents with Katie, although sometimes Dan wondered if there would be in the future.

Arin sat down with Dan every evening to do his "homework" and review what Dan could remember. Both men found the assigned exercises a bit condescending. However, Dan used this opportunity to try and help out Arin, who would work on the Game Grumps agenda and pay various bills while Dan flipped over flashcards at a table in the Grump Space.

After solving some memory tests a few times, Dan stacked the cards, looking at the papers in front of Arin. "Got a busy week?"

Arin sighed, scratching his head. "Not as full as I'd like, actually. I had to postpone our plans for the Youtube Red show, but I don't think the fans will care at all. But right now...I dunno how to fill in the blanks..." Arin's expression darkened, filled with worry.

Dan felt inclined to probe. "So...Brian's been calling you, right?"

Arin nodded. "Yeah- he started asking me for Grumps updates, probably for Steam Train. He really should come back soon."

"You're telling me." Dan slid the cards back into their deck box. "I'm almost 100 percent positive that playing video games is more helpful than this shit." Dan laughed.

Arin smiled at him. "Yeah, I have no idea what Dr. Jackson is thinking. A couple of visual exercises are probably fine."

"I feel like I'm a kid and you're the adult, payin' your bills next to me," Dan said, laughing again. To his dismay, he didn't get a response from Arin. Dan lowered his voice. "Hey...are you alright?"

That was a huge question. Arin shrugged. "Some things have been hard. I dunno...I bet you've heard Suzy crying?"

Almost every other night, Dan could hear sobbing behind Arin and Suzy's bedroom door. Sometimes she was on her own, other times Arin was with her. Dan offered to hang out with her whenever he saw her but each time she had politely declined, leaving to record KKG or retreating back into her taxidermy room. "Yeah, I've heard her...is it the kids at the hospital?"

"Probably. But you know how depression is. There's not always a reason." Arin didn't discuss it further as he looked through the papers in front of him.

Dan stared off in thought for a moment. "I've been sad a lot lately too. I have this constant feeling of, like, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or something."

Arin lowered his papers, staring at Dan. "Dan..."

Dan smiled. "I think it has a reason though. One I just can't remember, probably." Dan looked down. "I've...tried really hard to remember the first two months. I go back to our doctor appointment in February. But there's nothing else."

"That's a good place to start. Don't give up, dude."

"I'm not giving up. I'm just realizing my limits," Dan said sadly, smile disappearing. "Maybe I should move in with Barry again..."

Arin sighed. "Dan, we totally don't mind having you. And I'm sorry if you've felt like, less independent lately. You can do whatever, just...just do it because it's what you want."

~~~

This is what Dan was thinking about as the crew hopped back into their vehicles and drove over to the LA Art Museum to spend the rest of the day there.

One of the installations inside was a dark blue room filled with hundreds of hanging, colored lightbulbs to resemble stars. Suzy murmured in awe. "Oooh! They're like glow worms! I love these kinds of things." As Arin and Suzy continued through the museum, Dan stopped in this room to collect his thoughts. He stood amongst the thousands of tiny stars and reached up to touch one above him. ~What makes me so different from this?~ he thought vaguely before he walked off to join the others.

~~~

The following week, Dan decided it was time to break the rules.

Arin wasn't home; he'd gone to the Grump Space to help Ross record Steam Train. Suzy was at home but she was busy recording KKG. Dan got dressed and tied his hair back, grabbing his shades, phone and car keys from the top of his dresser.

Arin had been kind enough to retrieve Dan's car from the apartment, although he didn't anticipate Dan actually using it. His driver's license had been put on a temporary medical suspension until he took a new test. But Dan wasn't all that concerned about it as he carefully snuck out the back door and around the house to his black sedan in the driveway. ~I'm pretty much just going down the street. And I have my phone,~ he thought. He quickly glanced at the front window. The curtains didn't move. He opened his car door, tossed his laptop bag into the passenger seat and got in. Sparing no time, he turned the ignition and drove away from the house and down the street.

Dan grinned as he headed through the area to a local cafe. ~This is fun, I feel like a teenager again,~ he thought as he turned on the classic rock radio station, turning up the volume. He was both surprised and relieved at how easy it was to return to the wheel- he hadn't lost any skill, nor did he have any issues navigating roads.

After a private kareoke session to Metallica, Dan parked his car in a lot and headed into a small cafe with his laptop bag.

Dan spent the next 40 or so minutes chilling at a small table near a window, sipping a venti chai tea and listening to music through his earbuds while he planned out new NSP song and costume ideas.

While he was working, Dan's eyes met with a wide-eyed, 20-something year old blonde girl who was staring at him from a few tables over. When he saw her, she blushed in embarrassment, then got up to slowly walk towards him. She stopped in front of Dan, playing with her hands nervously. "Um, excuse me, sir..." She mumbled, eyes transfixed on him.

It was then that Dan remembered that he wasn't wearing his hat, his shades still in the passenger seat. He smiled back at her and pulled out his headphones. "Hey there."

The girl spoke softly. "U-uhm...are you Danny Sexbang?"

Dan grinned wide. "Yeah, I am! You must be a fan! It's nice to meet you!" He chuckled and politely held out his hand for her to shake it.

The girl took his hand in hers. Her eyes began to glisten. She shook his hand, then pulled hers away and covered her mouth, looking down. "I'm, I'm sorry...I just..." She looked back up at him and gave a small smile as tears fell down her face. "I-I didn't expect to see you...my name's Emily..." The girl sniffed and looked away a moment in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, heh...but I'm glad you're okay..."

Dan kept smiling and gave a laugh but he furrowed his brow in concern. "Of course I'm okay, but are you alright?"

The girl nodded, although she stared up at the ceiling to try and stop her tears. "Yeah...it's just that, now that I'm here, I don't know what to say..." She gave a small laugh and looked back at Dan. "I love you- I mean, you're so amazing and inspirational, Dan. Everyone's been so worried about you...it's really good to see you!" The girl dabbed her eyes with her hoodie sleeve. "How long have you been out of the hospital?"

"I've been out for a few weeks now..." Dan said with some uncertainty. "It's nice to meet you, Emily." Dan felt incredibly bad for her. "I'm so sorry to make you cry, though. Did you see the update video and announcements?"

Emily shook her head. "There aren't any. My friends and I have been checking all your guys' channels and Facebook and Twitter and Reddit. We haven't seen anything in a while."

Dan's mouth fell open. He felt like he had been smacked in the face with ice. Something began to simmer inside him. Something he had felt before. Deja Vu.

"I'm sorry...there should've been something..." That was all he could say. His hands began to shake as he glanced back at his laptop and selected Youtube in his web browser.

Emily started to think she was bothering him, so she stepped back. "That's okay. Um, is it okay if I get a picture with you?"

"Yeah, of course!" Dan replied, trying to keep his cool. He bend down a moment to grab his phone from his bag. He turned it on- no new messages yet. He selected the camera and stood up. "Okay, do you want it like a selfie?"

When Dan looked up at Emily, she suddenly had a bewildered look on her face. She stared at Dan a moment, then she shook her head, backing up. "I'm sorry, I should let you go...nevermind! But it was nice to see you!" And before Dan could say anything else, the girl fled the cafe.

~What?~ Dan just watched her go, blinking in confusion. "Oh...okay..." ~What was that about?~

She had thought he was still sick. Dan switched gears. His eyes darkened as he sat back down at the table, pulling up the Grumps channel.

New videos were up. But the announcement from a few weeks back wasn't there. ~Of course,~ Dan's inner voice thought cynically.

Of course. It was never posted. And Dan suddenly remembered his first fight with Arin. Why his accounts were locked. Whe Arin had shoved him. And he thought of the second conversation they had. Arin asked him. But he'd forgotten, somehow.

But Arin knew that. ~He fucking knew.~ A sea of anger began to boil, welling up within Dan.

Still shaking, Dan exhaled a long breath and brought up one of their most recent videos. Out of curiosity.

All of the series that Dan and Arin had recently recorded were posted. But as Dan skimmed through a couple of the videos, he realized that the possible time stamps had been carefully edited out. All mention of his medical experiences gone. Deleted.

~Are you fucking kidding me?!~ If it was anyone else's computer, Dan may have thrown his hot tea at it and stormed off. Instead, he did something he never thought he'd do: he glanced down at the comments section. There was an argumentative chain of replies that caught his eye.

"These newer videos are a little weird. Dan sounds different."

"He sounds fine to me."

"These are pre-recorded, right?"

"They have to be, Dan's still in the hospital."

"Wouldn't they run out of material by now though? Don't they only record a month in advance, or something?"

Then the tone of the conversation changed. A new person jumped into the conversation. "I heard _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _..."

Dan stared at this response. There was a sentence there- he could see the words. But he couldn't read them. ~What the hell is this?~ He kept reading the replies.

"No. No fucking way. Dan wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't he? A ton of celebrities would. Hell, I would!"

"But that would mean..."

Another person jumped in. "You two shut the fuck up! Nobody needs this kind of negativity right now! This is how bad rumors get started- take your fucking bullshit somewhere else!"

The rest of the chain devolved into a name calling argument. Dan glanced back at the weird comment. ~What the fuck?~ He couldn't decipher it. But he needed the quick distraction, so he took the time to run the sentence through Google translate.

The message didn't resolve, no matter what language Dan selected. It seemed to be oddly encrypted. ~Whatever!~ Dan groaned and smalled his laptop shut, quickly stuffing it into the bag in frustration. He grabbed it and swiftly returned to his car, tires squealing as he sped out of the lot.

~~~

The Grump Space seemed strangely still today. If a guest had walked in, a cold air of forboding may have fallen over them, alerting their intuition. At first, the cause would be unknown. Then, as they take a few steps, they'd be able to listen. They'd hear a man sobbing. They'd take a few more steps. A discussion going on.

Arin sat at the table with his head in his folded arms as he wept. He was completely choked up, broken hearted. The other Grumps sat across from him. Ross was at Arin's side, with Holly on his other side. Although they silently sat with him, their own faces were flushed and stained with mournfulness. Ross patted Arin on the back. "You did your best, Arin," he murmured. "You did all you could do."

Arin was wailing. It was as if weeks of pent up emotions were pouring out of him. "I can't do this to him!" He cried out. "We can't do this- we tried so fucking hard!" Ross passed him some tissues and Arin blew his nose loudly. He looked at Ross, his face a wet, swollen mess. "I just wanted to fucking believe..." he said between his hyperventilated breaths. "More than anything- I can't tell him!"

"It would be cruel not to, Arin," Ross replied, his expression stony. "He's not stupid- he knows something is wrong."

"I've been completely awful to him," Arin said miserably. He was still shaking but his sobs were lowering. "I...I don't know how to fire Dan. I don't even know how to tell him goodbye. He's Dan. He's my best friend. I can't do this without him..." Arin's eyes welled up with tears. "Game Grumps is over."

Ross rubbed Arin's back. His own eyes were moist. "Tell Dan that he's gone. By tonight. Or...just do what you have to do."

The guest standing in the shadows of the hallway felt like his chest had been ripped open. There were so many things running through his mind. He felt pulled apart in every direction. Nothing made sense. "...Wh-what?" He whispered. His whole body shook. For a moment, he couldn't think or move.

~Run,~ his inner voice said. ~Just leave.~

Dan turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Everyone in the office looked up in surprise. Arin got up and glanced out the window just in time to see the back end of a black sedan speed away.

Arin grabbed his phone out of his pocket- several missed calls and texts from Suzy. He opened one. WHERE ARE YOU?! DAN IS GONE! HE WON'T ANSWER HIS PHONE-

"Fuck. FUCK!" Arin opened the door and ran out, hopping into his car and racing down the street as fast as he could, everyone else watching him go as they stood on the front lawn.

Notes:
Thank you to everyone who is still reading this fic. I have fun writing it, sorry it takes a bit of time.

Thanks again! :)