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Disclaimer: Dbz is owned by Akira Toriyama and not by me. I am just a humble writer...
*Happy reading!
CHAPTER 10: Guilt
Everything was on fire! All the buildings and people were engulfed by flames. I shrieked in horror. I desperately tried to put out the flames with my ki, but it didn't work; the flames consisted out of a peculiar darkness that I couldn't extinguish.
I started crying as I tried to save people's lives. But it was too late; there was absolute no survivors; thousands of mangled corpses of humans and animals were lying in piles all around me. The sight was nauseating and a stench of death and decay hung in the air. I held my breath, to impede myself from getting sick. I had to get out of here.
I ran away from the violent sight in front of me, not concentrating where I am going. Suddenly I was flying through the air like a paper plane, doomed to crash; I tripped over something. I landed on my back with a thud. Ugh, I felt how it crunched due to the fall. My eyes travelled to my foot, I felt something light cling to it; probably what made me trip and fall.
My eyes widened in horror as I saw another corpse twisted into an unnatural position; it's sleeve curled around my ankle. I quickly untangled the piece of fabric around my leg and backed away on my butt with still widened eyes as soon as I was relieved from its death grip.
Dad?
I stopped and was not just sitting on the hard, cold ground. I studied his figure from the distance, making sure that it was in fact my father. The mangled corpse was impossible to identify; it was horrible massacred, but when my eyes rested on his hair I knew instantly that it was indeed my father; nobody had hair like that except for Goku.
What happened to you father?
I got back on my feet in haste and ran as fast as my aching legs could carry me away from that horrific scene.
After I ran, what I guessed was about five miles, I stopped out of exhaustion. I crunched down with my hands on my knees as I panted. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and steady my mind after that brutal image I just witnessed. After I stopped shaking out of shock after a few more minutes, I perceived my surroundings; wanting to identify my whereabouts.
I recognised this place, I realised when I stared flatly at the large dome-formed building in front of me. I think I have been here before. I walked closer and saw a dust-covered sign. I floated up to the high pole and brushed the dust away with my sleeve; a few letters started to jump out of the dust. I brushed more intensely until every character became visible.
I rubbed my eyes, making sure that I wasn't imagining things.
Capsule Corporation.
My mouth fell agape. How did I get back on earth?
I rushed into the familiar place I have spent a good amount of my childhood, but nothing. The place was abandoned.
I scurried the rest of the planet, in search for some sort of life; I wanted answers! I stumbled onto a girl in her teens coughing violently. I could see something red shining on her hands thanks to the limited light the moon emitted. Blood...
I rushed to her side, excited that I found another living being. I tried to aide her with medical assistance but as soon as she turned around and I got a good look at her physical appearance, I gasped. Her black hair flowed down to the small of her back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing a blue knee-length cheongsam-dress with red arm bands and shoes, white socks and a red sash. Her exposed arms were muscular in built.
This girl was the living embodiment of Mother. But this can't be my mom; she is in her early thirties, not in her teens. When our eyes met I realized that it was Gomih.
She had grown; gotten a lot older, she was maybe sixteen. I smiled, she was the spitting image of our mother; but a few key features like the eyes, mouth and skin tone were clearly that of my fathers'.
"Gomih?" I asked with a stunned expression. I extended my arm towards her, wanting to feel if she was real.
She slapped my arm away with disgust. "Why so shocked, brother?" She sneered; her voice was raspy after all the coughs. I flinched at the malice in her tone. "You don't even recognise your own twin, tsk, tsk, wait till mother hears about this." She scowled at me; her eyes filled with hatred. "If you did not abandon me andearth, this," She waved her hand violently around her, "would never have happened." She spat.
My throat started to burn as tears welled up in my sockets as my eyes rested upon the disaster. "Gomih... I...I"
"Save it! Full of apologies, just like Dad! And look where he ended up." She yelled. I winced as I thought back to his almost unrecognisable corpse I saw just a few minutes prior. Her voice turned softer, more accusing. "Why did you leave me Gohan?" She asked; more hate building up in her eyes and voice. "Why?" She repeated, louder.
I couldn't get my mouth to function; I couldn't locate my voice.
"Yes Gohan, answer your sister; why did you leaveus behind. Why did you leave us to fend for ourselves?" I recognised Mother's voice instantly; it was full of blame.
"I...I didn't know, I didn't mean to..." I stuttered.
"Oh please!" Piccolo came into view; rolling his eyes. "You never cared about anyone other than yourself; you didn't even care enough about us to keep on living." Ouch… That wasn't true!
"Such a pity you are already dead. I would have enjoyed ending your miserable existence myself." Vegeta also joined the blame-parade.
I got dizzy by the intensity of the accusations. Tears fell freely from my face as I started to sob. "Oh cry-baby is going to cry." All the z-fighters, including Krillen, Tien and Chautzu, who just appeared out of thin air, mocked simultaneously.
"Please..." I begged, closing my eyes in the hope that they will stop.
Dad appeared right in front of me, glaring at me. He had a black halo on his head. "You disgust me!" He spat. "The only regret I have on earth is having you."
I backed away from their burning glares and I sat on my heels throwing my hands defensively over my ears; I didn't want to hear this anymore. I can't bare this!
This is not real. This is not real. I started chanting to myself as I rocked backwards and forward...
…
I woke up in cold sweat, clutching my throat; I couldn't breathe. I was distraught for a moment; not knowing where I was; but as I took in my surroundings, I remembered. "I need to talk to them." I said determined to myself.
I threw the blankets off my body and got out of bed in a rush. I flew to Magisterial's chambers and knocked loudly on his door. He arrived almost immediately; looking confused and wearily down at me. "Gohan?" He asked and rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing up at 2am?"
"Sir, I wanted to ask for a favour..." I trailed off; my voice cracked as I remembered scenes from that horrendous nightmare.
He raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "What can I do for you my boy?" He said and gestured for me to come in.
His home was very cosy. A fire crackled away in the centre of the room and warmed the area up nicely. His living room was furnished in a medieval fashion; the wall was plastered with dark wood, and dark oak furniture decorated the den. A few relic weapons like swords, spears, battle axe's, daggers and mace's claimed the walls with some portraits.
"Sir, I have been dead for almost a year now, and I was wondering if I could contact my family somehow. You did say that you had the power to send me back to earth so I presume you will have the power to allow me to communicate with them?" I asked, in one breath, in the kindest voice I could mutter.
Magisterial's eyes filled with pity. "Gohan, I know it is hard to be separated from one's home and family, especially on your age, but it is unorthodox for the dead to communicate with the living."
"But you said yourself that I am not dead; I am between life and death." I argued, desperate to get a 'yes'.
"Yes, but that was before you made the decision to stay and train with me; as soon as you agreed to my request; you became fully dead." He explained.
"Please sir" I begged desperately. I got on my knees. "I beg you! They need to know that I am alright; I need to know that they are alright!"
He sighed. He was wavering. I held my breath as I waited for his answer.
"Very well" he said after a long silence. "But there are limitations: I will allow you a ten minute visit to earth; you will have to be frank, and you can only talk to one person. Deal?" He extended his arm out for a shake. I got up on my feet again, smiling. I took his hand in my own and shook it fiercely. "Thank you sir!" I exclaimed happily and hugged him. His eyes widened; shocked by my sudden burst of affection, but he did return the hug.
"Okay, off to bed. We can arrange the meeting tomorrow after breakfast."
"Will do" I said excited. I ran back to my cabin waving at Magisterial as I departed.
I ate my breakfast in a hurry and rushed to Magisterial's chambers where he was already waiting for me. "Remember Gohan, you only have ten minutes to talk to one person you desire." He repeated sternly. I nodded, remembering what he said last night. "Good. Now close your eyes."
I closed my eyes and I felt his hand rest softly on top of my head. I suddenly felt dizzy and peeked through my eyes, feeling a change in scenery. Fresh earthly air filled my lungs as I breathed in. I smiled at the familiar musky scent of myplanet. A slight mountain breeze caressed my cheeks.
My home! I forgot how much I actually missed this place. Smoke was rising out of the chimney; Mom must be cooking. Oh how I miss her food. Stop stalling Gohan I scolded myself. You only have ten minutes, make them count!
I searched for the person's ki I wanted to see, and located it very easily. Thank goodness she was alone! I reached her in a matter of seconds and she dropped the firewood she was carrying as her eyes laid upon my figure.
I smiled at her warmly. She frowned in confusion and rubbed her eyes; making sure she wasn't dreaming. "Gohan?" She whispered in disbelief. My smile grew deeper. "Hey sis" I greeted her with a brilliant smile on my lips.
She flew to my side instantly and hugged me tightly. She got taller I realised. She was now nearly a head taller than me. Sigh, eleven forever.
Her body started to shake violently next to mine. "I thought that I was never going to see you again." I stroked her hair softly, comforting her. She pulled back and looked me over. She laughed. "I am taller than you." She bragged and stuck her tongue out at me. I laughed, now that is the Gomih I know!
"Where have you been?" She asked with big concern eyes. She examined my body thoroughly at every possible angle, for any sign of distress. She let out a relieved sigh when she noticed that I wasn't hurt or damaged.
Her eyes rested on my halo. "You are dead?" She asked confused. "But when we asked the Dragon to revive you, it said that you were neither alive nor dead. What the hell is that about?" She attacked me with more questions.
"It is a long story." I said, not wanting to explain everything to her now. She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. So seriously, where have you been?" She asked again. I rubbed the back of my head.
"Well..." I hesitated.
"Spit it out!" She yelled impatiently. I smiled; I wonder who got Mom's temper?
"I am not exactly allowed to tell you." I finally said. Her mouth fell open in agitated disbelief. "You aren't allowed to tell me?" She repeated. "You just waltz in here and expect me to..." She stopped mid-sentence with widened eyes. "Blink three times if you are being held against your will." She said slowly and stared intently at my eyes.
I laughed. "Oh how I have missed you, so what new has been happening in your life?" I asked, trying to change the subject subtlety and curious about the events in her life I have missed so far.
"Oh no mister, I know what you are doing. You didn't answer my question, stop changing the subject." I sighed; she was like a hungry chiwawa with a bone.
"I am not being held against my will." I answered her.
She looked a bit disappointed. "Not?"
"Yes"
"Yes?" She asked even more confused.
"No." I said shaking my head.
"No?" She asked again.
This is impossible! "No I am not being held against my will!"
She frowned angrily. "Then why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
"I did" I contradicted.
"No you didn't"
"I did, Ugh!" It's like arguing with a rock.
I wish I could stand here and senselessly argue with my sister like this forever, but I had something to say. I interrupted her cheerful banter when she grabbed my hand, wanting to take me to Mom and Dad.
"Wait, Dad is alive?" I asked confused.
"Yeah, duh, and he has been trying to find you for the past year. It's the first time he has been home in a year." She frowned as she noticed my halt. "What are you doing? Let's go! Mom and Dad will be so excited to see that you are back!"
I slowly tore my hand from her clutch.
"Gohan?" She turned her head askew and looked at me with sadness in her eyes.
"Gomih, I am not here to stay." I gave her a few seconds for the words to sink in.
"Then why are you here?" She asked abruptly.
"I came to tell you to stop searching for me. I will never be able to be wished back with the Dragonballs, so don't waste your time." My words sounded so cold. "You should carry on with your lives as if I never existed." That part hurt to say. I was holding back sobs the entire time, not wanting Gomih to discover my true feelings.
Tears welled up in her eyes. She stared intently at the ground. "So you don't want to come back?" She choked out confused; the words did not make sense to her in that order. My gaze fell to the floor as I felt the unpleasant feeling of guilt returning. I chewed over my words, wanting to find the perfect words to explain. "It's not that I don't want to come back," I started explaining, "If earth wasn't such a danger magnet things would have been different." I looked intensely in her eyes and put my hands on her narrow shoulders. "I am doing this to protect you guys."
She scoffed and rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Of course little brother has to do the noble thing and put everybody's needs above his own." She shook my hands of her shoulders and threw her arms in the air agitatedly. "Think about yourself for once!" She yelled. "Be happy..." She pleaded softly and took my hands in her own.
"If you are safe I am happy..." I contradicted her statement.
Her mouth fell open. "Will you please stop talking like that? You are not forty-years old for goodness sake! Be a child, be eleven years old!" Her eyes flashed rage. "Act your age, dammit!"
A weird feeling settled in my stomach. I looked at my hands: they were starting to get transparent. Gomih's noticed my confused look and followed my gaze; her eyes also settled on my transparent body. "What is happening?" She asked in horror. I frowned in sadness; not so soon!
"My time is running out." I answered.
"Tell everybody to stop searching for me." I begged.
She grabbed my arm. "Tell them yourself" She pleaded, but couldn't nudge my body anchored to the ground. I threw my arms around her neck for the last time. "I love you sis! No matter what happens remember that." My voice got softer and softer with each word. I could feel her warm tears dripping onto my shoulder; I closed my eyes. "I will always protect you, no matter what. Goodbye." My voice cracked as I muttered the finals words; the heavy sad feeling was choking my throat. I have always been terrible at goodbyes. I felt my body travelling through space, back to Magisterial's realm...
(Gomih's point of view)
I felt his body disappear under my grasp; I desperately tried to get him back in my arms, back in my embrace, but it was too late.
My nose began to run, my eyes began to water and it would have been like allergies if it weren't for the lingering heavy sad feeling building up in my throat; choking me. I stood there in the woods for a while, crying my eyes out. I thought I already cried myself empty the past year, but looks like there were still a few tears left.
I pulled myself together; the reality of the situation started to sink in. Gohan was here. "Gohan was here!" I said aloud and ran to my house. "Mom, Dad!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "He was here! He was here!" I yelled as I burst into the kitchen.
Mom and Dad looked at me with concern. "Who was here?" Mom spoke up hesitantly as she dried the dishes. "Gohan... I saw him with my own eyes!" I exclaimed happily.
Their faces turned sad as they looked at each other in despair. Why weren't they happy? Why weren't they jumping up and down in joy?
"Why aren't you happy?" I asked my thought aloud.
They shared that concerned expression again. Mom dried her hands in her apron and walked towards me. She led me to the coach and I sat down, confused by her behaviour. "Honey, we know it is hard to deal with the death of a brother, especially a twin on your age..." She put her hand on my leg. I frowned at her. "Mom, where are you going with this?" I asked. Dad interjected when he saw that Mom was struggling to find the right words. "Sweetheart, what you mother is trying to say is that it is normal to make yourself believe that you saw something you really wanted to see..."
"Are you saying that I hallucinated?" I asked, interrupting him, understanding what they were talking about now. "I didn't!" I yelled and stood up. "He was real, I could feel him!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "This isn't like last time!"
"Okay, sweetie, what did he say?" Dad asked slowly, as if he were talking to a mentally challenged person. "Well," I thought back to our conversation. "He said that he wasn't allowed to say where he was located, but he did say that we needn't worry about him, he is safe and he wants you to stop searching for him, Dad." I said.
"Gomih," He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "We will arrange a meeting with someone for you to talk with, about your feelings. It will help, trust me." He said in a soothing voice.
I shook his cold hand from my shoulders and stared at him in disbelief. "There is nothing wrong with me Dad!" I spat. "Why don't you believe me?" I yelled as new tears started to form in my eyes. "Don't you care about Gohan? Don't you care about your only son?" I backed away from them.
"Of course we do." Mom interjected with tears in her eyes. "How dare you question it?"
"You are the ones not believing me!" I sneered and ran to my room. I couldn't look at those traitors' faces for one more second. I slammed my door shut behind me and sobbed on my bed. How could they be so cruel? Why don't they believe me? Do they really think I would lie about something so major?
Dad knocked on my door. "Can I come in?" He asked politely.
"No!" I yelled. "Go away!"
He ignored my cries flatly and entered my room; he sat next to me on my bed. I wiped away my tears and looked straight into Daddy's big kind eyes. "Daddy, I promise, I didn't make this up. Gohan was really here." I tried again, hoping I could get through to him.
His eyes filled with despair; he is not going to believe me, isn't he? Wait!
My eyes widened as I realised something. "I can prove it." I said happily as I got a pen and a piece of paper from my desk. Dad looked at me in suspense, I could see hope well-up in his eyes. I started drawing the symbol I saw on the back of Gohan's gi. Thank goodness I examined him! After a few minutes I was done. I stared proudly at my masterpiece. I am a good drawer. I turned the sketch to Dad. "Do you recognise it Daddy?" I asked. "I saw it on the back of Gohan's gi." He looked at it from every possible angle. "Nope," he finally said. "I have never seen this symbol in my life." My heart sank. My last hope; gone, flushed down the pooper.
Dad's eyes lit up. "We could ask Dende." He suggested excitedly. "I am sure that if this symbol exists he will know about it."
I smiled, hope returning in my heart. "Let's go!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. My expression grew somber. "But how are we going to get past Mom?" I asked deep in thought. Dad put his arm around my shoulder with his two fingers on his forehead as he smiled down at me. I smiled back. Instant transmission, duh!
We arrived at the lookout in seconds. "Dende?" I yelled desperately. Dende came out of the lookout's throne room. "Goku, Gomih, what a nice surprise" He greeted us. "What can I do for you on this fine evening?" He asked as he saw our eager expressions.
"Dende..." Dad spoke up. "Do you. By any chance, recognise this symbol?" Dad gave my drawing to the earth's guardian.
He examined the symbol for a few seconds, recognition lighted up in his face. "It is a symbol of one of the high Kai's." He said. He looked at us confused. "What are you doing with it?"
We explained the whole situation to him.
"So what you are saying is that Gohan is located where ever this symbol originates from?" He finally asked after our vivid explanations.
We nodded in unison.
His face turned sad again. "Guys, we still can't revive him. If Gomih is telling the truth about this symbol," He said pointing at my sketch, "we are dealing with forces more powerful than you would think." He looked down. "I am sorry guys but we are in over our heads."
I wanted to cry again; everyone is always so negative! I took a deep breath, my breath came out shaky. Dad put an arm on my shoulder, noticing my distress. I smiled weakly up at him and he gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.
Dende looked up at us and smiled. "Gohan did say that he will return again, didn't he?" He directed to me. I forced a fake smile. "Uh, yeah, he did." He smiled back. "You see, we will see him again in no time, without unnecessarily stepping on anybody's toes, especially a high lord's."
I nodded with a fake happy expression planted on my face. Ugh and when will that be huh? I am not going to wait years to see my brother again! I yelled inside my mind. I will do anything in my power to get him back, even if it means stepping on some people's feet!
I hugged Dende goodbye and Dad transported us back home, just in time! Mom burst into my room with refreshments. Dad and I shared a look of relief. I told my parents that I didn't want to be bothered, they respected my wished and let me go to bed early. I stifled an evil laugh. Let the scheming begin!
I will find you brother... I swear!
(Back to Gohan's point of view)
I opened my tearful eyes slowly and saw Magisterial stare back at me with a concerned expression. Stifling another sob I swung around and left, heading towards the training field, leaving a confused and worried sensei and Draco in my wake.
Draco followed me to the battlefield where I stood motionless. He put a reassuring paw on my shoulder, encouraging me to talk about my feelings. Since when does Draco care about my feelings?
I stood there, trying to form words that would sufficiently express my despair, but instead a sudden weakness overwhelmed me. Tears formed unwittingly in the corners of my eyes and they dripped down my face in rivulets. My shoulders began to shake violently and I covered my face with my hands, trying desperately to muffle the sounds of lamentation. I sank to the ground and hugged my legs to my body while I buried my face in my lap.
"I am a bad brother." I finally said after a long silence.
Draco didn't say anything; his presence was soothing enough. "I am abandoning my sister when she needs me most." I continued through the sobs. "I left her alonein that cruel world." I spat at myself.
"If she is anything like you, I am sure that she will be fine." He tried to sooth me.
"I don't want her to be anything like me!" I yelled. "I am a horrible person."
Draco hovered awkwardly, uncomfortable and at a near total loss of what to do. I sensed Magisterial's ki nearing us. He walked forward and knelt on the ground in front of me and rested his hands on my shoulders. "Gohan" He tried to grab my attention. I ignored him, not wanting comfort; I don't deserve comfort! "Gohan, listen to me" He tried once again. I lifted my head and rested it on top of my knees, looking him in the eyes; I didn't want to be disrespectful to my sensei.
"You are not to blame for any misfortunes your friends or family may receive in the years to come when you are not there." He said slowly. "You are the reason earth is still in orbit. You are the reason that all its inhabitants' hearts are still beating. You are a hero!"
I shook my head slowly, not agreeing with his statements. "What kind of hero abandons his loved ones?" I choked out, my conversation with Gomih still fresh in my mind.
"A noble one" He said. "You were selfless enough to put the needs of others' above your own. There aren't a lot of people like that out there." He lifted my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Listen to me; you have to sort out these negative emotions. I don't want to see you go down the same path as Raphael." His voice turned serious. "You sacrificed your entire life and well-being for your people. That is not abandonment; that is a noble sacrifice. Never forget that. You are the reason they are alive and not in Other World right now." He smiled at me. "And you will probably be saving the day again in no time; earth willget another beating by a villain to strong for your friends to handle in no time. And then you will get to go back and show them what you are really made off!"
I nodded in confirmation and wiped my tears away with my sleeve. That is true. I actually felt a lot better and motivated after our talk.
"I know it is hard for you to control your emotions, being a Saiyan hybrid. All your human emotions are heightened because of your mixed Saiyan DNA, and it is harder to control, but you have to teach yourself to focus on all the positive emotions like hope and love instead of all the bad ones like guilt and hate. Then you will thrive. I am not going to lie; it is going to take some time, but you will get control over your feelings. I know you can."
I let out a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
"So go wash up and we can continue our training, today I want to teach you instantaneous teletransportation."
My eyes lit up. "Instant Transmission?" I asked unsure.
"You know the Yardrats' technique?" He asked, impressed.
"I am familiar with it; my dad knows it."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Impressive, but my technique is far more advanced than their primitive version."
I ran to my cabin, determination set in my paces. From now on I will be different. I will not feel guilty about the past; I will work hard in the present so I can save and protect the future. Nothing is standing in my way but me.
I am my worst enemy...
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Hello again! I hope you liked the chapter (a lot of sadness in, I know! sniff sniff)
I hope you will review! I love seeing the inner mechanisms of your gorgeous minds! :D
Anyhoo, have a wonderful week!