Chapter 11
Queen of Hearts
"Gwen?"
Gwen mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, placing her pillow over her head.
She felt someone poking her side, over and over again. Finally, she sat up in bed and turned switched her lamp on.
"Mordred?"
The young boy was sitting at her side, looking conflicted.
"Your hair looks funny."
Gwen quickly patted her hair down, embarrassed. Did he really just wake her up in the middle of the night to insult her hair?
"What is it, Mordred?"
"I need your help."
Gwen raised an eyebrow.
"With what?"
He reached behind him and handed her a folded piece of paper.
As she unfolded it, she noticed Mordred was blushing. In fact, she didn't think she'd ever seen him look quite this flustered before.
"You want to try out for the school play?" she asked, smiling. "Mordred, that's fantastic! I didn't know you wanted to act."
"I'm not!" He looked down at his hands. "But Annie really wants to be cast in the play. And Annie's my friend so… I said I'd try out with her."
Gwen resisted the urge to smile.
"That's really sweet, Mordred."
He narrowed his eyes. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Witchcraft."
Gwen giggled. "I promise you, I can't cast spells. If I would I would Accio myself a milkshake."
"I think Accio is the best spell! Next to that luck charm…"
"Felix Felicis!"
He smiled. "I guess you're not that bad if you read Harry Potter."
She'd take "not bad" over "I hate you" any day.
"What exactly do you need my help with?"
"I've never tried out for a play before," he admitted. "And when I was spying on you, you told Mr. Handsome that you used to do school plays when you were younger."
She wanted to re-emphasize that spying was not okay, but she thought better of it.
"I was in a few school plays when I was your age! In fact, my dad taped all of them if you want to see."
"Really? You'd do that for me?"
Gwen ruffled his hair a bit with her hand. He gave her an odd look.
"Okay, maybe we haven't reached that point yet," she mumbled. "But of course I would! I'd love to help you out in any way I can."
He narrowed his eyes. "What's in it for you?"
"Nothing! I just want to help you."
"I'm only asking you because daddy doesn't know how to act either and Auntie Morgana is away. "
"I understand that," Gwen said. "But I still want to help you."
He looked confused, but he continued. "I… I also need help with my lines. There's a couple of scenes they want me to read. And… and there's a song. I don't know how to sing…"
"Well you're in luck! I love to sing. And would be happy to teach you."
He looked up at her. His eyes were brighter than she remembered, piercing, honest. It was easy to forget just how young the boy was.
"Why…why don't you hate me, Guinevere?"
"I know we've had our differences in the past," she told him. "But I've never once hated you or thought you were a bad child. You just love your father and don't want to lose him. I can understand that. I lost my father and would do anything to get him back if I could."
He gasped. "What happened to him?"
Gwen got out of bed and picked the photo off of her dresser.
"He was in a bad accident when I was 15 or so." She handed him the photo. "This is my favorite picture of us, the oldest one that I have. And the only one I have with my mother."
"There's a boy in this one too!"
She smiled. "That's my older brother, Elyan. I think he's your age in this picture."
"You're so small! And cu—I mean… you're short."
"I must have been three or so." She leaned over and pointed. "That's our living room."
"I really like the colors!" He sounded really excited. "Red and gold are my favorite. And green."
"I love green too," she said.
They sat in silence for a moment, examining the picture further.
"I'm sorry," Mordred said suddenly. "I'm sorry you lost your father and for thinking you wanted to hurt me and my father. I… don't think you're a witch."
"Thank you, Mordred. That means a lot to me."
"And…and I guess… I guess I kind of like that you're my nanny." He played with the hem of his Transformers nightshirt. "You don't think I'm a monster."
He paused for a moment, deciding something. He moved his hand towards her, brought it back, and then tried again.
Finally, he leapt into her arms, securing his hold on her waist.
She was stunned at first, unsure of how to react. After a few moments, she returned the hug, placing her arms around his tiny shoulders.
"I think…I think I'll let you be my friend." The silk of her nightdress muffled his voice. "But you must promise me you won't take daddy away from me."
Gwen gulped. In truth, she would never try to take Arthur away from Mordred. But when the young boy found out about their relationship, she doubted he would see it that way.
"I promise."
She felt guilty, but she was telling the truth, wasn't she? And who knew when he'd open up to her like this again?
"You smell nice." He pressed his head into the curve of her side. "Like strawberries. I like strawberries. Daddy does too. I wonder if mommy smells like strawberries… I don't even know what she smells like but I hope she smells like you."
He was getting drowsy, she could tell. She knew she promised never to ask Mordred about his mother… but she couldn't help but be curious. How was it that his mother was still alive, yet he didn't know what she smelled like.
"Mordred, what does your mother look like?"
"Daddy never told me what she looks like. All I know is that she's really pretty and smart and she loves me. Daddy says that it's compilicated. They live apart and she travels the world and that's why she can't see me. But my mommy loves me. And I love her and I'd love to see her."
Gwen tried her hardest to hold back the tears. She didn't understand. And if she didn't understand, it was hard to imagine how Mordred could.
She had so many questions, but she remembered the fear in Arthur's eyes when she'd asked, the anger she'd elicited from a simple mention of her. She decided her respect for their privacy was stronger than her curiosity. One day, she hoped Arthur would open up to her about it.
"She sounds like a wonderful person," she found herself saying.
Her words elicited no response. She looked down at the boy. He was asleep, the ghost of a smile on his face as he clung to her.
Carefully, she lifted him into her arms and carried him back to his room. She pulled back the covers and placed him under them.
She gazed upon his sleeping face. He really was a cute kid. She would go as far as to say he was innocent. In some ways, he was.
This is how mothers must feel, she found herself thinking as she gingerly brushed the hair from his face.
She paused for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.
"I'm glad we're friends, Mordred."
She stood up and tiptoed away, careful not to make a sound.
If she had veered right as she headed back to her room, she would have caught Arthur Pendragon, watching the scene in disbelief.
"Is that a kid, playing the rock?"
Gwen and Mordred were sitting in front of the big screen tv, watching her 5th grade rendition of "Sleeping Beauty".
"That's my brother, Elyan." Gwen giggled. "He wanted a part in the play so he could keep an eye on me. But…Elyan can't act."
"He looks really angry!"
"You'll see him get even angrier when Prince Phillip arrives."
Elyan had not been too happy when Gwen had gotten the part. Especially since Gwaine was cast as Prince Charming.
"You guys are up early. It's seven o'clock!"
Arthur strolled into the room, still wearing his red plaid pajama pants and white t-shirt.
"Shh, Daddy! We're getting to the best part! This is one of the scenes I have to do."
Arthur raised his hands in defense, but stayed quiet. He plopped down in between the two and focused his attention to the screen.
Ten-year-old Gwen was sitting under a "tree" wearing a grey dress with a black corset talking to several "animal friends."
"Well he's tall and handsome, and soooo romantic!" Said little Gwen grinning and clasping her hands together. "We walked together and talk together… and just before we say goodbye, he takes me into his arms—"
"—and then, I wake up," Older Gwen finished for her.
"Shh! Don't spoil it!" Mordred said, hitting her lightly on her knee.
"They say if you dream a thing more than once, it's bound to come true!" She leaned into her animal friends. "And I've seen him so many times!"
"You don't have to watch this, you know," she whispered to Arthur. "It's kind of embarrassing…"
He watched as she pranced across the screen, talking to her pretend prince. She looked just how he'd imagine little Gwen to look. Her smile was exactly the same.
"Why wouldn't I?" He smiled. "You were a really cute kid."
"You know Surge," said "Prince Phillip', "There's something strange about that voice. It's too beautiful to be real. Maybe it was some mysterious being? A wood sprite."
Arthur squinted. Was that… it couldn't be…
"Gwen," he said, cocking his head to the side. "Who is that playing the prince?"
"Gwaine," she said, shaking her head. "He was quite the character. I wasn't the least bit surprised that he got the part."
"Gwaine Leopold?"
"Yes…" she said slowly. "Why, do you know him?"
"I work with him," Arthur said, chuckling, "He's the CFO of Pendragon Inc."
"No way…" she turned to look at him, flabbergasted. "I mean… I always knew he was smart, but he's a bit of a troublemaker. Though I haven't seen him since he dropped out of my high school."
"Oh that hasn't changed," Arthur said, sighing. "A bit of a womanizer too. But I would be lying if I didn't say he was a valuable member of the team. He's brilliant."
"He was my first boyfriend," she said, smiling. "When he dropped out, he said he'd make it big. And he said he'd come back for me when he did. I guess he was right about one thing…"
Arthur gave her a skeptical look.
"Gwaine? Really? He doesn't really look like your type."
She shrugged. "Back then, I didn't have a type. But seeing how he's a CFO, I suppose he fits the profile of "my type", don't you think?"
"What is your type?"
"Apparently, ridiculously high-profile men," she said, giggling. "Whodathunkit."
"SHH!"
"Right," they said.
"But don't you remember? We've met before," Gwaine said. "You said so before. Once upon a dream."
He started singing and Arthur snorted.
"That sounds exactly like the kind of line Gwaine would use."
Gwen hit him lightly. "Give the kid a break! He's barely 11."
The two kids sang together, dancing around the stage together as the lights grew bright and the orchestra began to play. He could hear Gwen's voice, pure and clear as a bell, echoing across the room.
"Gwen…. you're amazing…" he whispered. "So talented…"
She blushed. "Ah… not really. I just really like to sing, that's all."
Mordred nodded. "She's really good, isn't she daddy?"
"Yes, Mor," he said. "She is."
"Oh stop it, seriously." She bit her lip. "You guys are just really nice."
"Oh no," Mordred said, turning back to the screen. "If you were really bad, I'd tell you. But you're not! Do you think you could help Annie with her part too?"
"Sure," she said, still blushing, "If it's alright with her parents."
"Parent," Mordred corrected. "Her father works with daddy. I think he'd say yes."
"Seriously, does everybody work for you?" Gwen asked.
"That's right," Arthur said. "Leon does have a child. Ninanne."
"That's right! But she likes to be called Annie!"
"Ah, I see," Arthur said. "I'll ask Leon. You're right, I'm sure he'll say yes."
"Yes!"
Mordred jumped up and gave his father a hug before running to the kitchen.
"Stay away from the Rocky Road!" Arthur called after him. "You can't have ice cream for breakfast!"
Gwen lifted the remote and pressed the pause button.
"Either I'm still asleep, or Mordred… was actually being nice to you for a change."
"I don't understand it either," Gwen said. "We had a bit of a heart to heart last night."
"I know. I was kind of eavesdropping on you."
The apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
"Kind of?"
Arthur looked sheepish. "I set my alarm for 3am every morning and check to make sure Mordred is in his room, asleep. I checked last night, but he wasn't there. I panicked."
Her face softened.
"You're a really great father, Arthur," she said, placing her hand over his. "I don't know if you're aware."
He sighed. "There's a lot of things I could do better."
"Like not have a secret relationship with your nanny?"
Arthur sighed. "There's that. I don't even know how I'm going to tell him. But I know I'm going to have to at some point. I can't stand lying to my son."
"Believe me, I don't like lying to him either," Gwen said. "He only now started liking me. I don't want all that to go away. I'm rather enjoying being friends with a seven-year-old, as sad as that sounds."
"For a long time, he was my only friend other than Merlin," Arthur confessed. "I used to spend a lot more time with him before my father retired and gave sole responsibility of the company to me."
"You can still make time," Gwen insisted. "You went on a date with me. Don't tell me you don't have time to spend a day with your son."
"I know." Arthur sighed. "I messed up last time. But when I watched you two last night, I realized there is this huge gap in his life. I haven't completely been there for him these last two years. I'm going to fix that. I think the company can deal with me not being there one day a week. Nimueh, Gwaine, and Percival can pick up the slack."
"You're taking Saturdays off?"
"Yes. I think the company is in a good place. Even if it wasn't… I have enough money to last me a long time. My son is much more important."
She nodded.
"Uh, about last night," she said, her voice hesitant, "You must have seen me ask Mordred about his mother again. I know you don't like me asking… I just… I can't help but ask. If I'm dating you, at least for the time being, Mordred is a part of my life too… and his mother…"
Arthur held up a hand. "You don't have to apologize. Just understand that… I'm not quite ready to talk about that now. I haven't spoken about her in many years."
"I understand. I don't expect you to," she said, squeezing his hand. "I just don't want you to think I'm going behind your back when it comes to your son. I want to be completely honest. Especially since you're still my boss."
"That's right. I am still your boss. I keep forgetting that little tidbit."
"I mean, you still pay me once a week, so I don't think you're that fuzzy on the details," she added. "Though it feels as little weird, doesn't it? You being my boss."
"I know," he agreed. "But you have to admit, it is kind of…hot."
She rolled her eyes, blushing. "You're such a man. Don't tell me you have an employee fetish."
"Not until I met you."
She blushed harder.
"You know," she said, clearing her throat, "If this continues, past the month, I'm going to have to get another job… maybe even get my own apartment."
"I know." He looked slightly dejected. "You could, you know, apply for a job at my publishing agency."
"Nepotism," she said simply.
"I would recuse myself from any decisions made on your behalf. The higher-ups really liked your piece, the one you did when you took a tour of the agency."
"Really?"
"They thought it was very witty," Arthur said. "I told them they had no idea. That you are the epitome of wit."
"That doesn't sound like recusing yourself, Arthur." She sighed. "But thank you. It means a lot to know that I did well on something. I just… I can't stop working for you here just to work under you somewhere else."
"I'm sure you'll still be working under me no matter where you work," he said, wriggling his eyebrows.
"Do you always have this dirty of a mind at 7am?"
He chuckled. "You walked right into that one. I had to go for it."
She rolled her eyes. "But I'm serious. Eventually, I'm going to have to get another job."
"Alright. Just know that I'll write you the most glowing recommendation letter the world has ever seen."
"I'd be fine with that," she said, simply. "You've got to use your resources sometimes, right?"
"Daddy?"
Gwen and Arthur instantly sprang apart, turning to look at the young boy.
"We're out of rocky road."
He was holding an empty tub of ice cream in front of him, chocolate smeared all over his face.
Gwen laughed.
"Are we now?" Arthur said. "I wonder where it went. I could have sworn I bought a new tub only yesterday."
"Voldemort ate it."
"Is that so?" Arthur stood up and grabbed the tub, inspecting it. "Since when has Voldemort been a 7-year-old kid named Mordred?"
"I'm sorry daddy! I just really wanted some ice cream…"
Arthur knelt in front of his son. "Let's spend the day together, just you and me."
"Really, daddy?"
"Yeah," Arthur said, ruffling his hair. "We haven't seen much of each other lately. I really miss spending time with you. We can go anywhere you want."
"Wow! Is this what happens when I eat a tub of ice cream?"
"No," Arthur said. "I'm still taking away your crayons for that."
"Aww, shamrocks!"
"Can't pull the wool over my eyes, Mor. "
Mordred looked up at Gwen, then back at his father.
"Isn't she going to be lonely?"
Gwen was touched. Never in a million years did she think that Mordred would consider her feelings.
"I'll be fine," Gwen said. "You go have fun. I'll find something to do. It is my day off after all."
"I want you to come." He said simply. "Daddy doesn't know the first thing about having fun."
Arthur pressed his hand to his chest. "You wound me, son."
"If you're both fine with me coming, then sure. I'd be up for doing something fun."
"Great!" Mordred jumped up and down. "Because we're going to the beach!"
"Mordred, it's nearly November…"
He held up a hand. "When it's your turn to pick, daddy, you can go anywhere you want."
"You had better listen to your son," Gwen remarked between laughs. "He sounds like he means business."
Before Arthur could say anything, Mordred was off like a rocket.
"We're literally going to be the only people crazy enough to go to the beach this time of year," Arthur said, placing his head in his hands.
"It'll be alright," she said, squeezing his shoulder with one hand. "You see how happy this makes him? And it's in the high seventies today! You never know."
He stared at her for a second, thinking.
"Still think you're not part of the family?"
"I'm his friend," she said, simply. "I'm glad for that. I was beginning to think he'd always think ill of me. I was grateful we'd gotten past the point of constant bodily harm."
"I told you," Arthur said, encircling his arms around her waist, "You are impossible to dislike. I honestly can't think of a single thing I dislike about you."
"You clearly haven't known me that long, then." She grinned. "I'm really annoying and self-righteous. Extremely naïve. Crazily optimistic. Just ask your friend Gwaine and he'll tell you all about it."
He pulled her closer and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck returning the kiss in full.
"Gwaine is an idiot for ever letting you go." He nuzzled her neck with his nose. "Even a fifteen-year-old couldn't be that stupid."
"You even told my yourself that you went for the obvious." Her voice was breathy, and she bit her lip to stop herself from moaning. "I was a geeky drama kid with hipster glasses. You do the math."
He walked her into the couch, her body making a soft thud as she landed on the cushion. He kissed her again, trailing his hands up her sides.
This time she did moan.
"Uhh…Arthur," she said, in between kisses, "We…shouldn't be doing…ah… this here."
He stopped, hovering over her for a second.
"Er…right," he said, rolling off of her.
"Not to say, that I wasn't… enjoying myself," she added, sheepishly. "I just think it's a little reckless, what with your son being upstairs and all."
"I know. I'm stupid." He ran a hand through his hair. "I couldn't help it. I haven't had a chance to kiss you these last few days."
"It's difficult with Mordred around," she said, pointing upwards. "Which is why we need to be a bit more… creative."
"His bed time is at nine," he mused. "I've just been coming home late these last few days. But this week should be better."
"And we're taking it slow, remember," she reminded him.
Arthur chuckled. "We both seem to be horrible at that."
"I mean, it'll happen when it happens, but I don't want to rush into that." She glanced up at him. "Like you said, I want to take my time with you."
She leaned in and kissed him softly this time.
"You're not making this easy."
She smiled.
He jumped up. "I'm going to go get my stuff ready. You should too."
"Good idea!" she said, walking ahead.
Arthur watched the sway of her hips as she walked in front of him, still in her nightgown. He gulped.
He was going to have to add "cold shower" to his to-do-list.
"Merlin, you might want to lift your collar a bit."
Merlin gave his mentor a confused look. It wasn't like Gaius to give fashion advice. In fact, the old man didn't have the right to; Merlin had spent nearly ten minutes convincing him that he could not, in fact, pull off a fedora.
Gaius sighed. "I was under the impression that this was a hospital, not a high school."
Merlin's expression didn't change.
"Oh for heavens sake!" Gaius reached over and adjusted his protégé's shirt. "You've got a love bite."
Merlin blushed, refusing to look at him.
"I gather you are still having relations with your patient?"
"Relations? Seriously?" He cringed. "But yes, we are in a relationship. A serious one at that."
Gaius looked at Merlin for a long moment before speaking. "You know I think of you as my own son, Merlin. I really care about you and want to see you succeed."
"I have succeeded," Merlin said, simply. "I went to one of the best medical schools in the country. I was chief resident and everyone's favorite attending. What more could you want for me?"
"I want you to be respected." Gaius looked around the cafeteria. "Don't think there haven't been rumors about you and the girl—"
"Her name," Merlin said, his eyes suddenly steely, "is Freya. And I think you'll find that I don't care what people think about me in this place. I've already made enough enemies, what with the whispers of nepotism on your part. "
"Then you're a bigger fool than I thought, Merlin," Gaius said, his voice slightly raised. "As a doctor, you're going to need the respect of your staff. You'll struggle without it."
"Gauis," Merlin said slowly, "I understand that you're trying to help, but you can't stop me from seeing her. I love her. She means everything to me and I refuse to let her go."
"You're going to have to."
Merlin closed his eyes, placing his face in his palms.
"Don't you think I know that? But as long as I have a choice, I'm not letting her go. We love each other. You don't just leave the people you love to further your own ambition. If my respect dies with Freya, then so be it. I wouldn't respect myself if I left her."
"Merlin, listen—"
"No, you listen," he said, standing up. "You've been the best father anyone could ever ask for, Gaius, and I thank you for helping me refocus after Morgana… broke my heart. But you can't always protect me. And most importantly, you cannot tell me how to live my life."
"No, I can't," Gaius agreed, "But I can definitely suspend you from working for the time being."
"You… Gaius… you can't do that."
Gaius stood up to his full height. "I have no problem with the girl, Merlin. But I cannot have you compromising the professionalism of this hospital—"
"You can't do that! I have been an exceptional doctor. And Freya isn't even my patient! You already made sure of that!"
"I'm doing this for your own good. Either you stop seeing this girl, or I suspend you until she is no longer a patient at this hospital."
"Gaius, please," Merlin pleaded. "Don't do this—"
"CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! Floor 4, room 423!"
"That's Freya's room!"
"Merlin, wait!"
Merlin didn't listen. He ran as fast as he could, out of the cafeteria, and up the stairs. He was not in peak physical condition by any means, but adrenaline was his friend.
As much as he had prepared himself for this moment, he knew he wasn't ready for it. He couldn't lose her. Not now, not ever.
"Freya, please hold on!"
He reached the fourth floor and bolted through the halls, nearly knocking over some of the nurse staff on his way.
When he reached her room, he burst through the door. There were already a few doctors there, surrounding her. He ran to her, pushing past them.
He heard the deafening sound of the heart monitor flatlining.
"Why isn't anyone doing anything?"
"Dr. Emrys, she's gone…"
"No, no she's not." He grabbed the heart paddles. "Charge to 200!"
"Dr. Emrys—"
"Charge the fucking paddles to 200, Galehut!"
"Right, sir."
He pressed the paddles to her open chest and her entire body arched, before flopping down, lifeless.
"Charge to 300!"
He pressed the paddles to her chest again. No change.
"360!"
No change.
"Charge again!"
"Dr. Emrys, I think we should—"
"CHARGE AGAIN!"
There were tears streaming down his face now. He couldn't control them. He had to save her. He had to. There was no way their story was ending this way.
"Don't you dare leave me," he whispered before pressing the paddles to her chest again.
He heard the tell tale signs of sinus rhythm from the heart monitor.
"Good job, sir," said Galehut, breathing a sigh of relief. "I thought…"
"Me too," Merlin said, gripping the hospital bed.
"You're supposed to call it after the first 360."
"Is that right, Pellinore?" Merlin stood up to his whole height. "Would you rather I had let Miss Du Lac die? You're clearly fresh out of med school. Sometimes you have to bend the rules a little and use your discretion."
"Well, if you ask me," The blond resident said, smirking smirked, " I don't think we should take advice from a doctor who screws his patients instead of treating them."
Merlin lifted his fist and tried to strike Pellinore, but a hand caught his fist before he could do so.
Lance stood before him, his face stony. "Freya wouldn't want you to get fired on her account," he told Merlin, lowering his fist to the ground.
He turned towards the crowed, glaring at Pellinore.
"In my experience, posturing does not make you a better doctor. You ought to show Dr. Emrys a little more respect. He can make your life hell if he really wanted to," said Lancelot.
Pellinore blanched. "Ah. Sorry Dr. Emrys… I…"
"Just get out," Merlin hissed.
The young resident didn't have to be told twice. The rest of the medical staff followed suit, some furtively looking back at the pair of men.
"Thank you, Lance," Merlin said. "I honestly don't know what got into me."
"You saved my sister's life." He placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I can never fully show my appreciation for that. Except in my own small way."
"She's not out of the woods yet," Merlin said, solemnly. " For her to go under cardiac arrest… my guess is that she doesn't have that much longer."
"How much longer?"
Merlin sighed. "It's hard to tell. Anywhere from a week to two months."
Lance ran his hand through his hair. "I can't lose my sister, Merlin. There's no way I'm just going to stand by and let her die."
"What're you going to do?"
"Don't worry about me," Lance said. "Stay with her. I'll be back."
Merlin nodded and didn't ask anything further. He wondered what Lance could possibly be planning. There was nothing he could do for Freya at this point. Nothing short of performing a miracle.
"Merlin."
"Gaius," Merlin said, turning to address the older man.
"What you did just now—"
"I understand what you mean now, Gaius," Merlin said. "My feelings for Freya are compromising my composure. You could at least do me the courtesy of holding the I told you so until I've recovered from that."
"I was going to say you were brave." Gaius walked over and embraced him. "You saved her life, even though the situation must have been paralyzing for you. I don't think I would have been able to do that."
"Thank you, Gaius," Merlin said, pulling away from him. "But I think you're right. I'm… I'm going to take some time off, so I can spend more time with Freya."
Gaius nodded. "I think that would be wise, Merlin."
"I'm also going to ask Morgana if I can rent out her apartment while she's away. It's much closer to the hospital and I can get here in an emergency."
"Merlin—"
"Gaius, she's not going to be living there," Merlin reassured him. "And even if she was, it wouldn't be a problem. We've both moved on."
"Merlin, I've known you since you were a baby," Gaius said. "I'm certain you're not over it. I have no doubt that you love Freya. I can see it all over your face. But I still suggest that you stay away from Morgana. I know a part of you still loves her. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces again."
"Morgana is a dear friend, Gaius," Merlin said. "I understand that you're trying to protect me, but I know myself. Morgana and I… we will never be what we were. Not only that…I love Freya and I would never betray her."
"Just be careful Merlin," Gaius said, giving up. "That's all I ask of you."
"I will, Gaius," he promised.
Gaius nodded and glanced at the bed behind them. "I think she's waking up. I'll take my leave."
Merlin nearly sprinted towards her, collapsing in the chair next to the bed.
Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around the room, slightly panicked.
"What happened?"
She placed her hand over her open hospital gown and then looked at Merlin.
"I didn't… pass out… while we were…"
Merlin chuckled. "No, that was nearly two hours ago, remember? I was helping you readjust you hospital gown—"
"—and then we somehow ended up in the shower," she finished, grinning. " I never thought I would find a use for those hand bars."
"You didn't need to readjust your hospital gown, you know," Merlin admitted. "I kind of made that up."
"I know you did," Freya said, giggling. "You've used that trick like five times, Merlin."
"Hey, it works, doesn't it?"
"I suppose so," she agreed.
"You might want to cover yourself up lest something happen again—"
"Merlin… what happened to me?"
Merlin sighed. He hadn't wanted to tell her this just yet. He wasn't sure he'd come to terms with it himself.
He entwined his fingers with hers. "Your heart stopped. For a full minute. I brought you back."
"Oh, Merlin," she said, grasping his hand. "That must have been really hard for you."
"Understatement of the year," he said. "It felt like... my soul was being ripped out of my body. I didn't… I didn't know if you were coming back to me."
"But I did." She gave him a soft smile. "You brought me back."
"But I can't do that forever, Freya," he said, wiping away a stray tear from his eye. "I won't always be able to bring you back. One day, I'm going to lose you forever. And… I'm not entirely ready for that."
"No one can ever be ready for that," she told him. "Merlin, I know I don't have much time. I can feel it. Even though I want to live, I know it can't be. All I want now, is to spend the rest of my days with the people I love."
She pulled him close and kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears on his lips.
His arm snaked around her waist as he climbed over the railing of the hospital bed and positioned himself on top of her.
"Merlin," she said, between kisses, "You're still on call, remember?"
"I've taken leave." He kissed her again before rolling off to her side, his hands still encircling her waist. "I shouldn't be working when I feel like this. I should be spending my time with you."
She moved closer to him, placing one arm over his waist and the other under her pillow.
"I love you," she said. "God, I love you so much. I hate that I'm hurting you like this. You and Lance, who still thinks he can save me."
"Shh." He said, smoothing down her hair. "Let's not think about that right now. Right now, all I want to think about is you lying next to me."
She snuggled up to him, smiling.
"And that you look unbelievably hot right now," he added.
"Liar."
"You've got that sexy bed head look about you," he continued. "Though, I do think your hospital gown needs readjusting."
She smiled, closing her eyes.
"Nice try."
"We're here, young master."
"Woohoo!"
Charles pulled in around the corner of the beach as Mordred pressed his hands excitedly against the glass of the limo.
"Thank you, Charlie." Gwen smiled at him from the backseat. "You sure you don't want to join us?"
"No thank you, Miss Leodegrance. I've got a couple of errands to run. I hope you enjoy your day."
"Thank you, Charlie." She eyed Mordred as he started opening the car door. "We had better go before Mordred explodes from excitement."
As she hopped out of the car, the young boy ran in front of her, shovel and bucket in hand. Gwen turned to look at Arthur.
"So I take it he's never been to the beach before?"
Arthur shook his head, stepping out of the car and closing the door behind him.
"I was always afraid that I would take my eyes off of him for one second and he'd drown or something. As a single father, I wasn't willing to take that chance."
"I can't even imagine what that feels like," she said, her eyes fixed on the young boy jumping around in the distance. "I've always been in awe of single parents, like my father. It sounds really difficult."
"It is," Arthur agreed. "But your child becomes your motivation. You know you can't fail, and sometimes you get paralyzed with fear, but eventually you find the strength to do it."
They finally caught up to Mordred, who had since stripped down to his swimming trunks. He was sitting in the sand, and seemed to be using his pail to build a sand castle. Gwen and Arthur dropped their beach bags on the floor next to him.
"Daddy, this is the beach," Mordred said, without even looking up at his father. "You've got to wear your swimming suit or you'll embarrass me."
Arthur sighed.
"If there happens to be a camera on this beach—"
"Daddy, you have to!" Mordred turned towards him. "I want you to have fun. You can't have fun in your work clothes."
"If it makes you feel any better," Gwen added, "I haven't been the beach in over seven years. Plus, I'm not exactly the most in shape person. Last night I finished a bag of mini snickers."
Arthur chuckled. "Thanks, Guinevere. That actually does make me feel better."
He hooked his fingers under the hem of his shirt and slowly lifted it off his head. Then, he removed his slacks, revealing crimson swim trunks with little golden dragons.
It took all of Gwen's courage not to let her jaw drop. She had expected that Arthur had a nice body. However, whatever image she had in her mind paled in comparison to the real thing. His muscles were long, lean and defined and, at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to run her fingers down each and every one. It should have been criminal to have such a beautiful body.
"That settles it." She crossed her arms over her stomach self-consciously. "My clothes are definitely staying on."
"I'm sure you look fine, Gwen."
That's the problem, she thought. I may look fine, but you look like a Greek sculpture.
Sighing, she slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and lifted it off her head.
Underneath she wore a bright yellow and white polka-dotted bikini that appeared to be made for her body. And what a body it was. He didn't understand how she could hide that so well under her clothes.
"Wow," Arthur whispered.
Gwen blushed and reached into her bag to retrieve her towel and umbrella.
"I don't understand you or Alvarr," she said, shaking her head. "I'm nothing special."
Her words shook him out of his stupor. "Alvarr? What does he have to do with this?"
She was determined not to meet his eyes.
"He was hiding in closet one day when I was changing," Gwen said. "He told me I had a 'hot little body' under my clothes. I didn't invite him into my closet. In fact, I don't even remember why he was in there."
She could see the cogs turning in Arthur's head and she mentally slapped herself for even bringing up Alvarr. Letting that man into Arthur's house was definitely not one of her finest moments.
"I can't believe I trusted him," she found herself saying. "In retrospect, it was incredibly stupid of me. I just thought… since he was Morgana's boyfriend."
"Don't worry, Gwen," Arthur said, squeezing her shoulder. "I'm not angry about that in the slightest. How could I be after what he did to you?"
"That's the thing that gets me," she said. "When he tried to… I got the impression that he was doing it to hurt you. Like he didn't want to do it. I even think… he wouldn't have gone through with the entire thing. The point was for you to see it."
The pieces were beginning to fall in place for Arthur. Alvarr suddenly coming back into Morgana's life, sneaking around in Gwen's closet… he wanted dirt on him…
"Gwen," he asked, suddenly, "Where did you put that picture? You know…. The one Morgana took of us that one morning."
She blushed. "I… er… I stuffed it into my nightgown."
Bingo.
"Why?"
She looked worried. For a moment, he was tempted to tell her everything. But he realized he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. What if she didn't want anything to do with him?
"No reason," he said. "I was just wondering."
She gave him a strange look before sitting down on her towel.
"See, Daddy?" Mordred pointed at the sun. "The sun is out! There are lots of people here. I picked the best day to go to the beach."
"You sure did, Mordred. I'll never doubt your judgment again."
Something came flying at his chest and he caught it before it hit him. He could hear Gwen giggling from her towel.
"It's sunscreen," she said. "You guys should put some on."
Arthur nodded and walked over to his son, who was busy building his masterpiece.
"Daddy!" Mordred squeaked as Arthur rubbed the sunscreen over his back, arms, and belly. "That's cold!"
"It's to protect you from the sun, Mor," Arthur explained. "You don't want to turn to barbeque out here, do you?"
"But I like, barbeque…"
"Here." Arthur handed the sunscreen to his son. "You can put some on me too. Payback."
Gwen couldn't help but smile as she watched the two, father and son. It made her feel out-of-place, that she was somehow intruding on these precious moments. At the same time, it made her think of a happier time in her life, when her father and brother were her entire world.
"Done!"
"Thank you, Mordred."
Arthur walked over to Gwen, who gave him a confused look.
"Sit up," he told her. "It's your turn."
Gwen gulpled, but did what she was told.
"Ah," she said, turning her back to him, "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."
Without warning, she felt the cold lotion being squeezed onto her back, and his soft hands rubbing into her skin. He moved his hands slowly over her back, touching every surface. Her breath hitched in her throat as his hands circled around to the bottom string of her bikini top, lightly brushing the undersides of her breasts. She was certain that was no accident.
His hands returned to her mid back, and his fingers massaged the lotion into her skin, deeper and deeper. Her back arched as his hands slowly descended down the curve of her spine to the very base of her back.
"Thank you."
Her voice sounded higher than she intended. But how could it not? He'd turned a simple act of putting sunscreen on into something incredibly sensual.
"My pleasure," he said, his own voice huskier than usual.
"Gwen," Mordred called, "I need more sea shells for my castle! Daddy, come help me build it!"
"The little prince beckons," Arthur said, holding out a hand for her.
Gwen took his hand and he pulled her up. His hand remained on her arm for a few moments and she looked up at him, her eyes questioning.
He pulled her a little closer, so that her upper body lightly brushed his chest. He leaned over and pressed a light kiss to her forehead, while brushing his thumb back and forth across her wrist. Her eyelids fluttered, reflecting her surprise.
"What's this for?"
"I…just felt like doing it," he said.
She smiled, leaned forward, and returned the favor, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
"We'd better get going," she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment. "Mordred doesn't like to be kept waiting.
"Right," he said, releasing her.
She stood there for a moment, unable to wipe the smile off her face. She wasn't used to this. It felt… nice.
The sound of her cell phone pulled her out of her reverie. She leaned over and rifled through her bag for a moment before her fingers grasped the hard plastic.
LANCE calling…
She panicked for a moment, almost dropping her phone. Lance? Why on Earth was he calling her now of all times?
She glanced over at Arthur, who was helping Mordred carve out the towers of his castle. His son was in awe, placing his little hands on his father's thighs as he watched.
"Yes?" she said, still looking at them.
"It's so good to hear your voice, Gwen."
"It's… it's good to hear from you too, Lance," she said hesitantly. "But I don't understand… I never thought… you'd call me again for a long time…after what I did to you."
"Gwen," he said, "I…need to see you."
"Lance, what's wrong? You sound horrible…"
"I just… really need to see you. Could you come to New Hope hospital later today? Room 423?"
"Lance, why—"
"Please?"
He sounded so incredibly broken. It was jarring for her. She was so used to Lancelot's calm, reassuring voice. It pained her to hear him sounding… almost desperate.
"Alright," she sighed. "I'll come later today. I just wish you would tell me what's going on—"
He hung up.
She placed her phone back in her purse, feeling completely and utterly confused. It didn't make any sense. Why would Lancelot call her now? What did he need her help for?
"Gwen! Seashells!"
She started walking towards the shoreline, her mind working on overdrive. She knew she couldn't refuse Lancelot. But she couldn't help but feel anxious. She was not ready to face him again, after what she'd done. Not only that, she was sure when she saw him again, all of her feelings would come rushing back. She didn't want that. Not now. Not when she was only beginning to understand how she felt for Arthur. That was scary enough for her to deal with.
"I'm on it Mordred!"
Right now, she wouldn't worry about it. She'd take things one step at a time.
Merlin laid in bed, Freya pressed against his chest, his arms encircling her waist. They had just given her some meds and she was completely knocked out.
Despite all his pleading, the doctors would not let him stay with her 24/7. He knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. Instead they would allow him to stay with her for 14 hours, the rest of the time he would be forced to go home, and hope that her status did not change drastically while he was away.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. His fingers glided over the buttons, typing in the number he had long since committed to memory.
"Merlin?"
"Hi Morgana. Did I wake you?"
"Wake me?" She giggled. "Merlin, it's nearly 1pm. You didn't wake me."
"Don't act so surprised. You used to sleep in until 2pm some days—"
"Because Uther wanted me to go to piano lessons," she finished for him. "But he always felt horrible about waking me up. I knew exactly how to play him."
You knew exactly how to play everyone, Merlin thought.
"Morgana," he said after a long pause. "I was wondering… could I stay in your apartment for a little while? Just for the next few weeks or so."
"Sure," she said slowly. "May I ask why?"
Merlin let out a huge breath, pulling Freya even closer.
"Morgana…she's…Freya doesn't have much time left," Merlin said, his voice cracking a bit. "Your apartment is closer to the hospital than Gaius's. I want to be near her in case of an emergency."
"Oh, Merlin," she said softly. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Of course you can stay in my apartment. If you need anything at all, just let me know."
"I need her to live." He sighed. "God, Morgana, I can't imagine a life without her. She's my entire world."
Though Morgana knew this was how he felt, hearing it from his lips did not make it any less painful. But she wasn't allowed to feel this way. She had given away her right years ago.
"Do you remember what you told me, the night my father died?"
"No," Merlin admitted.
"You told me that it was going to hurt and that I would always feel that pain," she told him, "But that one day, I'd be able to wake up in the morning and simply remember my father rather than mourn him. You told me I was strong and that you were certain that I would pull through—"
"How do you know that?" Morgana said, tears in her eyes. "I can't feel anything but pain right now. I'm completely numb."
"Because I have faith in you." He pulled her close, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as she cried into his chest. "And because you don't have to do this alone. I will always be here when you need me. You just have to promise me you'll let me be there for you."
"I promise."
"I'm glad we've been able to mend our friendship over the years," Morgana said, after recounting the moment. "And my biggest regret, is that I didn't listen to you back then. I didn't let you be there for me. If I had, things would have most certainly turned out differently."
"Morgana—"
"I want to be there for you," she said, cutting him off. "If you'll let me. I know you can't stay in the hospital all hours of the day. They're going to force you to come home, and you shouldn't be alone. I want to be there for you, if you need to talk, or you just need company."
"I don't want you to pity me."
"I don't pity you," she said. "However, regardless of how strong you are, Merlin, you're going to need support. Just say the words and I will fly back from Milan. I have a few months of vacation time that I haven't used."
Merlin thought about her proposal for a moment. A million red flags were popping up in his head. He had never intended to share the apartment with her, given their history. But then, she had pinpointed his greatest fear. He imagined himself sitting in silence in her apartment, lost in his own dark thoughts.
"I need you."
He hadn't expected to use those words, but he couldn't deny the truth of them. He didn't just need a friend. He couldn't lean on Arthur, not now, not when the Pendragon heir was finally happy. He needed Morgana, for her complete understanding, her soothing voice, her calming embrace.
It took her a second to collect herself. She never thought she'd hear him say those words to her ever again. He'd used them before but, back then, he'd been speaking of another need entirely. She appreciated it more now, after everything they'd been through.
"Alright."
"Morgana, we can't…I won't…"
"I understand," she said. "That's not why I'm doing this, Merlin. "
"Why are you doing this?"
Because I still love you.
"Because no one should have to go through this alone," she said.
"Thank you, Morgana. I really appreciate this." He paused, not knowing what else to say. "I should probably go. Let me know when your flight is coming in."
"Alright, Merlin," she said. "Stay strong. For Freya."
"I will."
He shut off his phone, placing it on the nightstand beside the bed.
Morgana sighed, sinking lower into her white padded couch. She truly was a masochist of the highest degree. A psychiatrist's wet dream.
"Morgana, who was that?"
Leon walked into the living room, a towel tied around his waist.
"Merlin," she said.
"Is he okay?"
"He's having a rough go of it lately, but I'm sure he'll be okay."
He didn't question her further, and she appreciated it. He always seemed to know when to stop probing.
"Come on," he said, grasping her hands and lifting her off the couch. "Let's get you out of this hotel. I have the feeling you could use some fresh air. Maybe some gelato?"
"Mmmm," she said, leaning over to kiss him softly. "Sounds good."
"Just let me get dressed."
She hooked her finger under his towel, leading him slowly to the couch.
"The gelato will still be there in a few hours."
"Hours?" Leon squeaked.
Morgana simply pulled him down and kissed him again, simultaneously undoing his towel.
Leon was good to her and he truly loved her. He was more than she could have ever dreamed for herself.
And she just knew she was destined to screw it up.
"Just look at this masterpiece!" Arthur exclaimed, gesturing towards the finished sand castle.
It had taken them just under an hour and a half to finish. But it had totally been worth it.
"I have to admit, it's pretty impressive," Gwen said. "I especially like the sea shells as spires. Nice touch."
"You just like them because you picked them," Mordred said.
"Guilty," Gwen said, smiling. "But you have to admit, I picked the prettiest ones I could find. I took my job very seriously."
"As did I," Arthur admitted. " It took me ages to get the architecture of the towers just right."
"And I filled the moat!" Mordred said proudly. "And watched Daddy to make sure he did his job right."
"And how did I do, Mor?"
"You're the best castle builder in all of Camelot!" He hugged his father. "And Gwen, you were okay, I guess. But your seashells are too girly."
Gwen sighed.
"Everyone's a critic," she said.
"Alright, now for the best part," said Merlin standing up and backing away from the castle. "Ready?"
"Please don't tell me he's going to…"
"Geronimoooo!"
Mordred leaped headfirst into the castle and Gwen watched with horror as it crumbled into several small pieces of hardened wet sand.
"I'm glad I got pictures," Gwen said, surveying the damage woefully.
She smiled as she looked through her phone. The pictures had turned out great. In her favorite picture, Mordred sat on both her and Arthur's shoulders a huge grin on his face. It warmed her heart. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be part of a family.
Suddenly, the picture disappeared and was replaced by a text alert message.
Lancelot again.
Please come now. Please.
Mordred got up without missing a beat. "Time to go in the water!"
"Ah, ah, ah," Arthur said, grasping his son's shoulder before he ran off. "There's no way I'm going to let you go out there by yourself."
Mordred sighed. "Fine, daddy. But you've got to hurry!"
Arthur turned towards Gwen. "You coming?"
"I'm sorry Arthur," she said, quickly reaching over to collect her things. "I have to go. It's Lancelot… I think something's wrong. I just…"
Arthur held up a hand, silencing her.
"It's okay, really," he said, smiling. "Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you need anything. I'll call Charles to come and pick you up.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're leaving?"
Gwen knelt to Mordred's level. "Yep. I'll be back later. If I get back early enough, we can start working on your singing."
"Yes!" He jumped up and pumped a fist in the air in excitement. "Thank you!"
He rushed over and ruffled her hair. Gwen laughed, returning the favor. Perhaps they had reached that point in their relationship.
Arthur looked back and forth between the two of them.
"What's that about?" he asked.
"Inside joke," she said, winking at his son.
"Alright," Arthur said, sounding confused. "We'll be fine here. Just… promise me you'll come back to us… to me."
She nodded. "I promise."
He watched her as she turned her back and continued packing. At the moment, he wanted to tell her not to go, to stay with them. Even though he had stolen her away from Lancelot, he still didn't like the guy one bit. He didn't trust him with Gwen and he would do anything not to see her get hurt.
But, regardless, he trusted her. And regardless of how much it hurt him, he knew he was going to have to let her go.
Lancelot placed his head in his hands. He was used to being on stage in front of thousands of people. Why on earth did he feel nervous talking to one woman?
Because he was about to shatter her entire world with just a few words.
"Lance, can you come in here?"
Freya was calling him from her room. The sound of her voice made his heart swell. He had almost lost her today. Never before had he seen her arrive so close to death's doorstep. It motivated him to do what he thought it would take months to do.
"Yes, Frey," he said, walking towards her.
"Lance," Merlin said, nodding. He was sitting on the bed, working on a crossword puzzle.
"Merlin," Freya said, looking at him. "I've figured out what I want for dinner. Could you drive by the Thai Diner and get some Drunken Noodle."
"I thought we were eating dinner later—"
She gave him a stern look that promptly shut him up.
"Right, er," he said looking back and forth between the siblings, "I'll get right on that."
He hopped off the bed, stumbling as he rushed out of the room and turned the corner.
"Lance," she said, once she was sure he was out of earshot. "What are you doing?"
He gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"
Freya turned around in bed and pulled a black folder from under her pillow.
"Where did you get that—"
"It doesn't matter where I got it," she said calmly. "I'm just wondering… how you got a hold of it. Is everything in this folder true?"
"What does it matter if it's true?"
Freya made a noise of disbelief. "Lance, what happened to you? This doesn't sound like you at all."
"Freya, I don't think you understand," Lance said. "I'd be willing to do anything to save you, even if it means losing my honor in the process."
"Who is making you do this?"
"It doesn't matter who," he said, "If I do it, you'll get on the clinical trial. I could buy you another few years, maybe even more!"
"I am dating the adopted son of the chief of medicine," she said, laughing wryly. "Merlin knows nothing about trial, I asked him. Gaius too. It's not real!"
"You don't know that—"
"Lance, just listen to me!"
The tone of his sister's voice surprised him. She had always been assertive, but he had never known her to shout at him. She had always been able to make her point at a normal volume.
"I did what you asked. I haven't given up," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "But I think there is a difference between wanting to live and being delusional. There IS no clinical trial, Lance. Someone is messing with your head to get to Gwen. You NEED to STOP this."
"You can't know that for certain," he said. "If there is a little chance that I can save you, I'm going to take that chance."
"The doctors say I have a month at absolute best," she said. "Think about it. The clinical trial, if it existed, would take months! I'm already at stage four. There's nothing they can do. You need to accept that."
"Give me the folder, Freya," Lance said.
"If you give her that folder," she said, glaring at him, "Don't come into this hospital to visit me. I don't want to see your face."
"You'll hate me, but at least you'll be alive," he said walking over and grabbing the folder from her.
"And this Gwen woman," Freya said, sitting up, "Do you really think she's going to come back to you after you do this? Just let her be happy, Lance. Let her be happy with Arthur. Because, if you're willing to do this to her, then you don't deserve her anyway."
Lance felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He secured the folder under the crook of his arm.
"Goodbye, Lance," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I really hope it's all worth it."
He turned away from her. Looking at her tears was too hard for him. Since their parents died, he made a promise to never make her cry again. Today was the first time in nearly a decade that he had broken his rule.
As he left the room, he collided into a soft body. He reached forward and prevented the person from colliding with the ground. His folder landed on the ground with a resounding thud.
"Gwen," he whispered.
It was strange, but in the last few weeks, he'd forgotten the effect she had on him. Her eyes were much wider and brighter than he remembered. Her lips were of a softer pink than they had been in his dreams. He could feel his heart speed up in his chest as his eyes trailed her, from the crown of her head to the soft curves of her sides.
"I rushed over here as fast as I could," she said, putting her bag down next to her feet. "You honestly terrified me. What's going on with you?"
"Gwen," he said, releasing her arm, "I've been a mess these last few days. The doctors told me my sister will most certainly die within the month. I wasn't expecting her time to run out so soon."
"Oh, Lance," she said, "I'm so, so, sorry."
Her eyes filled with genuine concern. It always baffled him how she could be so honest, so completely real.
She reached over and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. He stood rigid for a moment, before wrapping his arms around her and resting his head atop hers.
She was warm and soft and, in her arms, he instantly found comfort. He could feel the walls he'd worked so hard to build crumble in an instant. He collapsed against her.
"She's my little sister," he said, his voice cracking. "I've spent my entire life protecting her. I can't lose her. Not now. Oh god…"
"Shh, it's okay," she said, reaching up to stroke his hair with her hand. "You've done well. And I know it's hard, but… you have the benefit of knowing in advance. You can spend this last month with your sister and appreciate every moment that you have with her."
He slid to the floor, pressing his face against the soft planes of her stomach, his arms still planted firmly around her waist. He was crying silently, the wet tears seeping through her beach dress.
"This," Gwen added, kneeling down to face him, "is not your fault. Horrible things happen all the time and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. I've lost my entire family. And not a day goes by where I don't think of them. It would be so easy to lose myself in despair, to blame my self for their deaths and disappearances. But that would be pointless. The best thing I can do for them… is live the best life I can. And never forget them."
She had singlehandedly pinpointed the cause of his inner turmoil. He did feel as though he failed his sister, that he should be the one dying in hospital bed, not her. At the end of the day, she was his little sister and, despite all his best efforts, he had not been able to save her.
It's not my fault, he repeated in his head. I… I can't save her…
The thought was devastating… but also incredibly revealing.
Gwen lifted his chin with her hand and looked him in the eye. As he looked at her, he wondered how he had been able to let her go. She was beautiful, loyal, and caring. Willing to be there for him and have faith in him, even if it made her feel uncomfortable.
He'd already forgiven her for kissing Arthur Pendragon. He'd pushed Arthur in her direction, pushed him to make his confession. The relationship he had with her was an intricate web of lies.
The only truthful aspect, he realized as he looked into her eyes, was his love for her.
"You're going to get through this," she said, grasping his hands in hers. "I know you can. But the most important thing for you to do right now, is be there for your sister. She needs all your love and support."
He loved her.
"Just let me know if you need anything." She gripped his hand tighter. "I'm only a phone call away."
He stared up at her, unable to form words.
Instead, he simply placed his hands on the sides of her face, leaned in, and kissed her softly.
But it wasn't like before. She pulled back almost immediately, pressing her fingers to her lips in surprise.
"Lance…"
"I apologize," he said, placing his head in his hands. "I had forgotten about our arrangement. I'm just a little dazed from today's events."
"I completely understand," she said, rubbing his back in a circular motion. "How about we get some fresh air? My treat?"
Lancelot nodded. It was all he could do right now. His mind was reeling with both disappointment and confusion.
She reached over and picked up the folder from the ground.
"I think you dropped this," she said, handing it to him.
He stared at the folder in her hands, wrought with indecision for a moment. It was this folder that had brought them together in the first place. This folder that he had believed was the key to saving his sister's life. It had the potential to change everything.
"Thank you," he said, taking the folder from her.
Freya gave him a warm smile from the hospital room and he instantly knew he was making the right decision. No matter how determined he had been, he now realized he wasn't willing to lose his sister on a gamble.
"What are you feeling like?" Gwen asked, "Mexican or Indian?"
He wasn't willing to lose her just yet either. Not yet.
"Indian," he answered, smiling for the first time that day. "Definitely Indian."
Looong chapter! I think my guilt of not updating for so long manifests in longer chapters. This was definitely Freya's chapter. She really is the moral core of the story, besides Gwen, and I love her. There wasn't a lot of Arthur in this chapter, but I figured since the last chapter was their first date, I could dial it back a little and focus on some of the other characters. But the next two chapters will be filled with Arthur/Gwen goodness, as well as Arthur's reaction to the Gwen/Lancelot kiss.
As always, please let me know what you think! Your thoughts mean the world to me .
-Hime
:: This chapter was inspired by the song of the same name by Juice Newton::