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Chapter Eleven: Distractions
My mood stayed under its dark cloud the whole ride home. I slammed the door of my truck angrily, ignoring the attention-seeking rustling coming from the trees. I was really not in the mood for another exchange of threats with Paul, and I held a halting hand towards him as I walked back into the house with my one bag of groceries. There had been a lot more on my list, but it would have been a cold day in hell before I would have spent extra time in that store with Jake and the life-stealer.
Leaning back against the front door, I drew in several calming breaths before Charlie's voice reminded me I wasn't alone in the house. Billy shot me a tentative glance as he wheeled into view, nodding solemnly and pressing his lips together.
"Bella," he said. "It's nice to see you again, sweetheart." The pained look on his face made my hackles rise, but I couldn't bring myself to lash out at Billy. No matter what, he was Jacob's father and he wanted the best for him, and that clearly wasn't me. I gave him a half smile and leaned down to wrap my arms around his neck in greeting.
"I'm glad to see you too, Billy," I replied, only half-lying. "I come bearing snacks." I held up the carrier bag and proceeded to make my way into the kitchen, placing my purchases on plates and into bowls and bringing them back out to the last two men in my life that didn't make me want to tear my hair out. Billy reminded me of Jake, sure, but more than anything he reminded me of wisdom, strength and family. Billy was a second father to me, and no amount of hurt would make me want to give that up.
The truth was, I missed him. I missed the Pack and La Push and I really missed Jacob, but it would be a long time before I'd be able to admit that out loud. At that moment, I was still hoping for a miracle that would help them catch Victoria and let me get on with my life. Staying here meant seeing them and seeing them meant missing them. I was holding out hope for an 'out of sight, out of mind' strategy, even if it hadn't really worked with the Cullens when they left.
My steps froze on my way up the stairs. The Cullens.
I hadn't so much as given them more than a passing thought since everything had crashed around me. It struck me that the grief and heartbreak I expected to feel from giving them up was just not...there. Less than two days ago, I'd been engaged to Edward, with only the slightest doubts that I was doing the right thing. If Charlie hadn't been killed, I could honestly say that I would have followed through. I would probably be planning a wedding right now, mourning the loss of Jake as my best friend and praying I made the right choice. Here, though, in this reality, it had been months since I'd actually thought of Edward, and having both sets of memories warring in my brain, I realised I felt most connected to these ones. That moment, all those months ago when I surrendered to Jacob and my love for him, and the subsequent weeks where I just uncurled my fingers from the ledge and let myself fall for him had given me a second life, a new outlook that showed me that the world didn't end just because Edward left me, and if anything, loving someone else could be easier than I imagined. When I was with Jacob, it was like the part of me that was missing was patched up.
Then the imprint happened, and a brand new part was ripped away, and I didn't think I had it in me to risk letting it be healed again. What's the point, when someone else will come along to poke at the stitches? I'd prefer a life as the walking wounded, with protective walls around myself than be riddled with holes that festered with every new heartbreak.
Angrily, I sighed as I threw myself face-down on my bed, scanning my bookshelf from where I lay in the hopes that there'd be at least one novel that didn't make me want to throw up on the pages. There wasn't.
I rolled over on my back, trying to tune out the short, sharp barks emanating through the window. Whatever Paul wanted, he'd have to wait. I had some prime wallowing time scheduled for this evening, and I wasn't going to give it up so he could make a nuisance of himself. He wasn't getting the hint, though, and I grunted frustratedly, walking across the room and peering out the window. I glared as the silver wolf wagged his tail and pawed the air. The cute puppy-thing so did not work on me.
Unlocking the window latch, I slid my ipod dock from the desk to the ledge, pointed the speakers right out the window and scanned the playlist for the least Paul-like artist. Bingo.
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend!
Paul's wolf froze and cocked its head to one side. I narrowed my eyes through the glass at him and smirked. Told you I'd get you back for that.
He shook out his large head, ruffling his ears and glared right back at me, letting out another bark. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head 'no' and upped the volume on the dock. He could take his punishment like a man and be done with it. I fished my cell out of my sweats, plugging it in on the charger before I hit the repeat button and headed back to the bed for more life-sucks-for-Bella time.
After the fifth rendition of Avril's catchy masterpiece, I heard a tapping on the windowpane, that I first mistook for the beginnings of rainfall. It was only when they became more forceful but sparse that I sat up to investigate. Paul – the human variety - stood once again in my back yard, covered only with a pair of tattered cut-offs. They weren't even fastened and sat on his hips loosely, looking dangerously close to exposing him again. He had a handful of pebbles in one hand and was in the process of throwing another one when I heaved up the window fully.
"What do you want?" I snapped, turning the volume down slightly. I figured he would have got the hint that I didn't feel like talking already, but I guess some people needed it spelled out for them. He shrugged, his lips turning down at the corners in a gesture of indifference.
"I'm bored," he said. "I've been sat here since you left earlier. Jake was in town so there was no need to patrol there. I've just been staring into space and enjoying the musical interlude and I realised that we didn't get to finish our conversation earlier."
I raised an eyebrow, genuinely wondering what the hell he was referring to, and musing that this was the most he'd ever said to me in all the time we'd known each other. It seemed to me, like Paul was up to something, but for the life of me, I didn't have an inkling what it was. All I could remember from our encounter before was his unabashed nakedness and feeling like my face was on fire. I couldn't even be sure there had been an exchange of words as once again an image of Paul's exposed crotch flashed in my mind's eye. I groaned involuntarily. I was going to have to try to actively repress all memories of that... thing.
He smirked knowingly and rolled back on his heels with his fists pressed into his hips. He was posed like Superman, for Christ sake. "Reliving the moment, huh?"
I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Reliving the horror, more like." His overconfidence really rubbed me the wrong way, but for once I welcomed trading insults with someone who wasn't easily offended. "What conversation are we talking about?"
His jaw clenched momentarily as he studied me, and I got the impression he was either debating whether I was feigning my ignorance or wondering whether or not to remind me. After several pretty uncomfortable moments – Paul Lahote's eyes were pretty intense on a good day, never mind when you were under his close scrutiny – he took a breath and relented.
"About Leah. About what she said about me."
My head jerked back in confusion. "Leah? She barely talks about you. What does it matter anyway?" I said, genuinely perplexed. Just then, my cell started vibrating loudly on my nightstand. I took one look at the screen before I shut it off. I was in no mood to answer Mike right now, and especially not with a wolf eavesdropping. When I got back to the window, Paul let his gaze wander around the yard for a few moments before speaking again. Confessing even the slightest thing to me seemed to pain him almost physically.
"You know about... about us, right?" he asked, his voice dropping lower than was probably necessary. It was early evening but the street was deserted, and Billy and Charlie were yelling at the TV like Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets.
I shrugged a shoulder. "She said you two hooked up once, before you phased. That's it. Why?"
"That's all? She didn't tell you anything else?" he said, agitatedly holding his hand out, palm-up before him.
"Shouldn't you be able to see whatever she says next time she phases? I thought there were no secrets in your big happy family," I said, trying not to sound too sarcastic.
"Just humour me," he replied, a look of pleading dawning momentarily over his face.
I shrugged. "She said she was drunk. That it was fun but she regretted it ever since you both made the Pack."
A flicker of something that looked suspiciously like disappointment flashed in his eyes before he looked away. His posture tensed up again, and when he looked back at me, Paul was once again there.
"Damn right it was fun," he said, jutting his jaw up towards me proudly. "Let me know if you wanna find out first-hand, Swan. Just call me Healer of Broken Hearts."
I shook my head in annoyance, wrinkling my nose at the smug look on his face. This guy was unbelievable. "I'm good, thanks," I deadpanned. "Besides, I don't think anyone's heart was healed by your diseased di-"
"Hey, look, Quil's here!" he said, cutting into my tirade. Something told me it was more to change the subject than to shield his Pack brother from any unsavoury speech. I'd heard Quil talk more than most, and some of the more choice phrases that came out of his mouth would have a sailor blushing. Whatever was going on with Paul and Leah, it wasn't public knowledge, and it would be a long time before that changed.
The chocolate wolf loped into view, casting looks between Paul and myself and back again. He sat on his haunches, tail flicking out behind him suspiciously as his tongue lolled out. Quil wanted to know what was going on.
"We're just talking. Quil," I said irritatedly. "Why is everyone so damn interested in my social life?" It had started to wear thin weeks ago, and I waited for the moment when he phased back to bombard me with useless questions, just like they all did. I really appreciated everything they were doing for me, but did they have to be so nosey while they did it?
Quil narrowed his eyes at Paul and let out the slightest of growls. The human of the two scoffed obnoxiously in reply and raised an eyebrow.
"Please, as if I'd ever see you as a threat, Ateara," Paul sneered, getting a visible reaction out of Quil when one large paw stepped towards him and the growling increased. I looked anxiously around the area. It was getting dark out, but not so dark that someone would miss the two large wolves fighting each other in my back yard.
"Guys, cool it. I've got neighbours, you know!" I hissed, turning the volume of my ipod down even more. Quil looked up towards me apologetically, his large eyes lingering on my face for a little longer than was necessary. He looked curious and a little concerned, but seemed to snap out of it as soon as it registered he was looking at me any certain way.
Paul smiled triumphantly at him and turned to leave, but not before looking back over his shoulder at me and calling out: "Don't forget my offer, Snow White..." as he unzipped his cut-offs and yanked them down, exposing his naked butt to me for the first time. I was no less embarrassed than earlier. I heard a loud chuckle disappear off into the trees, followed by off-key singing.
"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend! No way! No way..."
I narrowed my eyes in his wake, grunting in anger and slamming the window down without so much as another word to Quil. This was not over.
I groaned in frustration as I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. The Newtons had somehow convinced me that getting paid double for a shift was reason enough to give up my Sunday morning, and for the life of me, I couldn't recall why I'd ever agreed. I padded drowsily towards the bathroom, feeling my way through my morning routine half-heartedly. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I started to realise the reason I'd been wearing make-up lately. I looked like shit in the mornings. I needed all the help I could get.
A little concealer under my eyes and a small amount of eyeliner made me look a little more awake, but more than anything, it made me look less like myself. I kind of liked that. Maybe Bitch Bella had been on to something.
My steps faltered just after I locked the front door behind me, toast frozen mid air and travel mug forgotten as I took in the sight of Embry, looking peeved and less than enthusiastic to be spending any time with me, leaning against the driver's door of my truck. I schooled my features into a look of indifference and forged on, studying the tense look on his face and how he refused to meet my eyes. He held out one hand, sighing and scanning the street vigilantly.
"Keys," he almost barked. I frowned in response, taking another bite of my on-the-go breakfast and waiting for him to look at me. After a few seconds of silence, he did just that, raising an expectant brow.
"I'm perfectly capable of driving myself to work," I retorted, walking towards him and placing a hand on the door handle. He muttered something under his breath and shook his head. "What was that?" I asked irritatedly.
"I said I knew you'd be impossible," he replied, meeting my gaze again. "Look, Bella, I wasn't supposed to tell you, but the red-head bitch was back last night; Quil chased her off but she came closer than we'd want. Just let me drive in case she decides to make a re-appearance and you end up wrapping your truck around a pole."
A stab of fear made its way through my gut and into my chest, and before I could even think, the keys were nestled in Embry's hand and I was walking dutifully towards the passenger door. It was a few minutes of silence, me scanning the windows fearfully as my heart thumped painfully against my ribs. It felt like my lungs were going to explode..
"So I hear you and Hair-Gel are an item now," he said, his eyes flicking towards me for a second before they went back on the road. I turned to look at him properly, but his demeanour gave nothing away.
"His name is Mike. So what if we are?" I asked. I had no idea where he would have gotten this information, but I wasn't going to admit to any of the guys in the Pack that my love life had been ruined by my inability to get over Jacob.
Embry gave a half-shrug. "Just wondering, it seems a little out of character for you," he mused, and I would bet my college fund that he was hiding a smirk under that calm expression.
"Why, because he's human?" I sneered. I felt like we'd had this conversation already. He seemed to ponder on this for a few seconds before replying.
"Not that, but because any time you mentioned him, you made him sound like a total dweeb. I didn't have you down for a hypocrite," he said. I opened my mouth to reply, but could think of nothing.
"I don't say 'dweeb'," I replied lamely. It was the best I could come up with. Embry didn't bother to hide the smirk this time.
"But you do think he's a douchebag?" he asked, slowing down for a traffic light. I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering how he knew this when I never once recalled discussing Mike with anyone in La Push.
"No," I retorted, "He's a nice guy, and he's liked me for a long time. What does it hurt if I go on a few dates with him?"
Embry laughed softly, shaking his head and looked in the rear-view mirror. Directing his attention back on the road. I waited impatiently for him to answer, and folded my arms. He ignored the petulant look on my face and I sighed, looking out my own window. He still wasn't speaking, and I shot him one last glare before looking away again.
"Because you're settling. Come on, Bella. 'He's liked you?' Doesn't sound like the beginning of an epic love story," he replied, taking me by surprise. I was out of snarky answers, so I shook my head. Embry pulled the truck back into traffic and the next minute ticked by in silence. Before I knew it, he was pulling into the parking lot at Newtons.
"Just because you've been hurt doesn't mean you should go for the safest option. And just because he's human, doesn't mean he can't hurt you."
"I'm not settling," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I wanted out of the truck. I wanted to get away from him and his stupid theories about my fears and my love life. Who did he think he was, talking to me like that? He barely knew me. I barely knew me. "And it's none of your business, anyway. How do you know I don't really like Mike, huh? Maybe we got on really well on our date?"
Even I didn't believe the crap I was spouting. The look on Embry's face told me he didn't, either.
"Fine," he said, holding up his hands defensively. "What do I know?"
I stuck out my jaw defiantly and looked out the front of the truck. Crap. Mike was outside the store, about to open up for the day.
"Oh, there's your boyfriend now," Embry said, feigning excitement. I fought the urge to smack him, knowing what his jaw would probably do to my hand. "Why don't you go over there and lay a big ol' kiss on him, since you like him so much," he dared.
"I- we don't..." I wracked my brain for excuses as to why I wouldn't kiss a guy I was dating but fell short. My brain was so not alert enough for this, for him.
I narrowed my eyes at him before slamming the door behind me and stomped towards Mike, who was looking at me with a mixture of hope and fear as I stood in front of him. I took a deep breath and leaned in... but I couldn't do it. My hand hovered over his cheek for a millisecond before I rested it on his shoulder, patting awkwardly.
"Good morning, Mike," I said, refusing to turn round and see the look of triumph on Embry's face.
Mike mumbled his 'hello' before unlocking the shop-front, turning the lights on and beginning to set up for the day. An awkward silence was the order of the day between us as we got busy stock-taking for the summer period.
It was only when Embry came at noon, dangling my keys off one finger with an infuriatingly smug expression that I something dawned on me.
"You forgot these in your quest for kisses," he said, trying not to laugh.
I pulled the keys off his finger, biting my lip to hold in the sarcastic retort and I realised, right then, that I hadn't thought about Victoria all morning.
A/N: So I haven't updated in a while, but had a lot going on in RL that was kind of more important, namely one of my best friends moving to the other side of the world. Goodbyes really suck, don't they?
Anywho, a special thanks for this chapter goes to Meliz875, who is Embry's biggest cheerleader, and if I'm doing him an injustice, I just know she'll fight his corner. Thanks so much for being my voice of reason, sweetie.
So I know a lot of you have picked up the tension between Bella and Paul – hopefully you'll see now that it wasn't all it seemed, he's got a few secrets of his own.
Hope you liked Embry's little appearance. :)