A/N: I wrote these before the newest chapter came out, so please excuse any discrepancies with the plot, since really, none of these are correct because they are made up as the story goes along and don't fit into canon.

26. Mighty Morphin' Mutton Chops

Juha Bach, or the man who had taken on the name, hit the ground with a quiet thud. His left arm and the majority of his torso had been completely erased by the almighty power of Yamamoto Shigekuni's bankai. There was no way he would be able to make it out of this alive. No powers of the Quincies could repair destroyed organs or body parts. His confidence had proven deadly, and just like so many of his subordinates, he had fallen pray to the powers of the Shinigami. He cursed them, cursed them all, inside his head. But there was only one thing he could bring himself to say, before the last vestiges of life left him forever.

"I...I wasn't strong enough...I'm sorry...Juha Bach-sama."

Yamamoto's eyes widened. 'What did he just say?'

Suddenly, Juha Bach's body became enveloped in some sort of white light. However, the light began to shrink, focusing itself entirely from his facial hair, his mutton chops. The light started to transform into a flame, rising higher and higher, like a beam. Yamamoto continued to stare on, unsure of what was going on. However, he could sense something. Something dark and powerful within Juha Bach's mutton chops.

The white flames started to manifest into a new form; a human body. First, an arm emerged. Then another arm. Then a leg, and a second leg to make a pair soon afterward. And then a face emerged out of the light, and Yamamoto gasped. This man...he looked so familiar, and yet, Yamamoto could not recall his name. As the mysterious figure fully took on form, the light vanished, leaving Juha Bach's corpse on the ground with no mutton chops to speak of.

"I," announced the man, "Am the real Juha Bach."

Yamamoto cursed himself for his foolishness. He should have known it all along; the true villain...was hidden inside the facial hair. It was so obvious!

27. Why Use Japanese Honorifics When You're Supposed To Be German?

Juha Bach looked around. He was standing in a room of infinite emptiness. He sighed; he really had died. He had failed the true Juha Bach-sama. However, he knew he couldn't waste the rest of his eternal damnation by moping over a few cracked eggs. As a Quincy, he was practically obligated to try and make the best out of a horrible situation. He started walking.

It was barely several minutes (although, considering the situation, it may really have been hours or years) before Juha Bach came across a strange door. It looked like a design similar from one of the old European countries he had traveled through in his youth. Juha grabbed the doorknob, and turned it. He peeked inside. It was a room like an old English bureaucrats, and two men sat in large armchairs while wearing suits and drinking tea. Exotic birds were perched on their shoulders.

"Cheerio!" called the man with silvery whiskers. Juha quickly slammed the door shut. That was Yamamoto's vice-captain, he was sure of it. The other one was Byakuya Kuchiki. Juha Bach started running, glancing over his shoulder now and then to make sure they weren't chasing after him. He figured they would probably want revenge for their deaths, and right now, Juha wasn't in the mood to fight anybody.

Suddenly, he came to another door. This one was rather plain, but it had a picture of a cartoon horse's face on it. Curious, Juha opened this one.

Inside this room, he saw As Nodt, Quilge Opie, Driscoll Bersci, Berenice Gabrielli, Jerome Guizbatt, Nanana Najahkoop, the mohawked subordinate, Loyd Lloyd, Asquiro Ebern and Luders Friegen all together. They were doing something that their leader could not possibly fathom.

"Hey, sexy lady! Op...op op op...Oppa Gangnam Style!"

Juha shut this door as well. That was even more frightening to witness than those two Shinigami dressed like English gentlemen.