Taken for Granted Chapter 11: Fade Away, a beyblade fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own the cast and characters from beyblade. I just use them in fun and familiar ways.

Chapter Eleven - Fade Away

When I'm stressed about something, I like to take Gypsy on a run. It's sort of an escape. The wind in my face, the sound of her hooves pounding against the ground, squashing my fears. However, this time it just didn't seem like it was going to work because the fears were chasing me, like shadows haunting my every move.

I urged Gypsy to run faster and listened to the rhythmic whoosh of her breathing as she lengthened her lope. I had been at this for a good half hour and my ass was quite nicely numb but I wasn't planning on easing down. If I did, everything would just weigh down on me and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to think and with the bitter wind whipping at my face, causing my eyes to water, I had no fear of that.

The ground passed me by, dizzyingly fast underneath Gypsy's hooves. Music screamed in my ears because I didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted to lose myself in the speed, the exhilarating rush of riding again and my music. Of course, I wasn't quite galloping but I was cantering and the creepy thing was that I could almost feel Kai's disgust because it echoed my own. My fear was still ruling me despite trying to escape it.

"You can't run forever."

I hissed and concentrated on blocking out Mystels' voice and concentrated on the looming hedgerow. The field was running out and I knew I'd have to rein Gypsy in before trying to do the turn. I don't do fast corners, I keep having images flashing in my head of overturning vans.

I pulled on the reins, whispered soothing words as Gypsy slowed her trot to an easy gait, and I blew out a breath, easing back into a sitting position rather than the bent over the house jockey look. Less wind resistance but you still look like the hunch back of Notre Dam. My back cracked and I stretched it, teasing out the tense muscles. The clouds above me were punctured by blue sky but there was still the possibility of rain, maybe even snow but it was too early in my opinion. Of course, if I said that to Hiroshi he would automatically point out that we could have snow at any time what with the way the weather has been lately. Nevertheless, snow on Halloween was just wrong. Rain I could live with, snow would ruin the entire atmosphere. I had to put up with singing Christmas carols at school, which was bad enough but snow? No way!

"Nothing's going to happen to me."

Why wouldn't he leave me alone? Didn't he understand I wanted to be alone? That's why I had climbed instead of listening to him!

"Ams."

I scowled and reverted to an age-old tactic used to shut up Mystel Devine. I turned up the volume of my earphones and sang along, singing louder the more he tried to speak. "Walk on; streets on fire; caged in with razor wire; shot down; living in the DMZ."

"AMBER!"

Sulkily, I pulled Gypsy around, noting the way that she dancing nervously, ear pricked, pivoting at each sound while her eyes darted here and there to see where the presence was coming from. "You're scaring her." I informed him quietly.

"Then get down and talk to me, Ams."

"I don't want to." I muttered, turning my gaze to mountains that were looming over the flat land before me. It was weird to be smack dab in the valley with the hills on each side of me, like sturdy centurions guarding the town of Ballykuten. It was some how reassuring and safe, and yet, there was a danger in those hills.

Mystel let out an exasperated bark of laughter. "Ams, I'm fine. I just said I felt a little weird."

"On Halloween, you say you feel weird on Halloween. How do you know that means nothing? You've been complaining about feeling weird and tingly. That isn't right. You shouldn't be feeling anything. You're dead."

Mystel flinched and shoved his hands in his pockets, averting his eyes. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have mentioned that he was dead. But the fact was, he's dead and a spirit and this is the night when the veil between the two worlds is at its weakest and what if he's pulled away to the spirit world. I don't know anything about things like this but I don't want to lose him. And he's saying there's something wrong on the one night of the year that things are bound to go wrong. Doesn't he realize he's ruining Halloween for me?

"What if you're passing on?"

"There's no light, Ams." He joked.

I scowled at him. "Maybe you're not going to heaven."

"I was a good person. I still am a good person."

"Hmph!"

"You've been hanging around Hiwatari too much."

"Screw off!" Was my pithy reply but the fact remained, he might be passing on and I didn't want him too. I wasn't ready for him to just as I wasn't ready for him to appear in my life as suddenly as he had. It had been so bizarre too.

It had been July, hot and sticky and I had been at home alone, wallowing, as I tended to do when left alone. When I had things to do, I was fine. I just threw myself into it, body, mind, and semi-soul. But that day I had nothing, my friends had been at the twelfth. I hadn't the need to go since I had quit the band after Mystel had died. All of that would just remind me of him. So I quit and I'd stayed at home while everyone else went to enjoy the festivities.

I had been feeling weird all day, off, just like today and since I was restless, I'd rolled off the bed and yanked open the door. As I'd walked through the door, and out to the landing, I'd saw a flicker, a shadow impression of a person my size but I put that down to the fact that I had been watching TV and then the shift in the lighting. You know usual stuff people use to explain the unusual.

However, when I came back to my bedroom, Mystel was standing in my room. Mystel, my dead boyfriend was just standing there looking around the room with interest. What followed was not one of my finest performances. I freaked caught between relief at seeing him and absolute shock that my boyfriend was a ghost.

But that was neither here nor there, I got over that soon enough and I enjoyed having him around. Everything is so much easier with him here but for how long? The thought always plagued me, but I didn't really take much heed to it. Sort of like, I know I'm going to die but for the moment, I'm too busy worrying about other stuff to live my life in fear of dying. Now, though, maybe I would have to take things just a little more seriously.

The thunder of hooves in the distance caught my attention and I groaned. My life is now complete. Not only is my boyfriend -who's dead- moving on to the next life or whatever but now I'm about to get reamed by my boss's son who really doesn't like me.

"He's like a blood hound… or a wolf."

I whimpered loudly and it definitely sounded pitiful to me as I mimed banging my head against a wall. "What does he want now?"

"You're cute when you're whining."

"I'm not whining; I'm plotting on what's the best way to kill him and hide his body. There's a bog around here, he could sink in and never reemerge. In fact, we could fix it so it looked like he fell from his hors-" I broke off appalled by what I'd just said. Sure, I didn't want to go to work but… I shuddered.

"You're not working today, are you?" Mystel asked, shuffling his feet and looking up at the sky.

"I'm not. At least I wasn't the last time I checked. I don't know what he wants."

He came closer, moving well with his horse. He really should have entered those competitions; he probably would have won.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"If he won, then I wouldn't have!"

"Well, there were things that you were better at but at dressage, he'd be good. I mean, let's face it, you were crap when it came to dressage."

"So were you. You giggled at everything."

Yeah, I laughed so hard at Hazel Michael's that I nearly fell off Gypsy, which hadn't won me any brownie points but I found it funny that she stuck her nose in the air and it didn't help that across the ring, Mystel was mocking her when the judge wasn't looking.

"Sure, blame me."

"I didn't see anyone else mocking her." I pointed out. "Besides, I was just pointing out that Hiwatari would probably do well in that event. He's all posh and stuff."

"He's not posh, just arrogant."

"I was trying to be nice." I muttered, digging out my phone and holding it to my ear in case I happened to say something that Kai heard. Then I would hang up when he came closer. "Oh shit, he's slowing down. He's so gonna talk to me. Make him go away, Mystel."

Mystel chuckled and dispersed. I growled and turned Gypsy to face Kai. If I were lucky, maybe he would just walk… nope. Eye contact established. WOOT! Honestly, I don't get this. Whenever he isn't around, I actually think he's an ok guy, I've said so but then… well he shows up and he immediately just gets on my nerves!

"You have foot balm."

Yeah, Kai is the king of small talk. He engages the women in the local supermarket with his witty repartee and quirky phrases. NOT!

"Hello, Amber. How are you today? Oh I'm fine Kai, how's yourself!" I mocked but received only a cool glare. No one damns you with a look like Kai can. I mean, Brooklyn glares at me a lot with his 'I'm not amused' looks but Kai, Kai sears you and makes you want to cower in a corner. I hate that! "You know someday, you'll actually greet someone without even thinking about it, and they'll fall over with shock."

"Do you have foot balm or not?"

I shrugged. "What kind?" Am I just supposed to read between the lines? Because there's nothing there to read!

"Cashel's injured her foot on barbed wire. If you have something to treat it, it would save us a trip into Strabane."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah sure, there's some at home." I wheeled Gypsy around and clicked my tongue, inducing Gypsy into a slow moving stride. I caught Kai's narrow look and scowled. "What?"

"You're still afraid of her."

"I'm not afraid of Gypsy, I'm afraid of falling off. With good reason."

Kai snorted and there was a tinge of disgust to it. I hated him. I bet I'm older… no wait I'm not older than he is. He's older than I am by a good couple of months. Mum told me he passed his driving test the next day. He's the only person I know who did that. Brooklyn failed his first one but passed the second. Tala hasn't even gone for his, he still uses his provisional, which is good for two years, and then you have to do the theory again. But Kai, he gets a pass. I don't know how he did it. Probably scared his tester into passing him. She was probably just a poor little old lady who cowers in her rocking chair, jumping at every creak in her dark old house waiting for another visit from the Devil child.

"Shut up Kai. You know nothing."

"That's a good horse you have and you're wasting her talents."

As if hearing him, Gypsy's head shot up, her ears pivoted towards him, and suddenly I noticed that the horses were inching closer. Really crafty and sneaky. I didn't even realize until my leg almost brushed Kai's. With a growl, I jerked her away to the left a little to continue moving down the hill without having to worry about knocking into Kai.

"You know, if you were galloping, she wouldn't be able to do that."

"He was in on it too!" I snapped back.

"A good omen, though." He murmured thoughtfully.

Thrown, I glanced at him. "That they'll breed well?"

"Hmm. But it'll have to be controlled."

"Shit yeah. These two would probably kill each other out in the field. Way too spirited."

Kai scratched his cheek and frowned at me.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I bit back a growl. Another annoying thing that I'm coming to recognize as a Kai thing. "I wish you wouldn't do that, it's damn irritating."

Kai simply shrugged and we continued on in a strangely comfortable silence only commenting on various things we noticed about the horses and our surroundings.

Twenty minutes later, I entered the house, having left Kai out by the stables where Gypsy was kept at night. The house was silent since mum was on duty and Hiroshi was out working. Bryan was slouched in front of the TV watching the news.

"Hey."

"Who was that?" Bryan asked and I knew without asking that he was referring to Kai. I don't know how he does it but he always seems to know when there's a boy around me. It's disturbing.

"Kai. Nicolai's son."

Bryan nodded but he still shot a considering look towards the door. Probably wondering if he would have time to get out there and threaten Kai before I returned.

"What does he want?"

"One of the horses has a gash on its leg from barbed wire so he's asking to borrow some of the stuff I got from the vet for Gypsy." I muttered as I rooted along the top of the cupboard for the key to the shed. "Where's Shahero?"

"In her bedroom on the phone to her brother."

Oh. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask which one since she has two only for me to remember at the last second that Shahero has only one that she'll voluntarily talk to. Ricky. As far as I can tell -I haven't met him, he lives in Japan- Ricky seems dead on. He's got a fiancée named Riley and a year old son, Taro, and is a pretty easy going, laid back guy who's involved with some sort of gang. Who knew? Ethan, the older brother, is a serious guy with a stick up his butt who despairs of his family, is disdainful of his little sister and is only cared about by his wife and father. His two other siblings mock him whenever he's mentioned. I don't think they really like him too much.

"Are you going out tonight?"

He nodded. "Probably. You?"

"I'm going to Londonderry to see the Fireworks and after that, who knows?"

Bryan frowned, twisting in his seat to get a better look at me. "I thought you were going to see Mariah?"

That was the original idea. "Mariah got grounded for breaking curfew so now she doesn't get to hold her party."

Bryan said what I was feeling. Well, snorted but I knew what he was saying. I mean, Mariah knew that breaking curfew was an instant grounding. If she had seriously wanted to host this party, she wouldn't have risked staying out past curfew.

Oh well, I get to go to Londonderry, which was what I wanted.

"Well be careful." Bryan advised.

I pocketed the keys and headed back out of the house and into the cold air. I found Kai by the stables, stroking Gypsy's head while Traveler butted him gently. Ok, see this is what bugs me. Aren't animals supposed to know things about humans? Aren't they supposed to see inside a person to know whether they're evil or not, even if the human acts all nice? Because all the animals I meet, seem to like Kai. So does that mean he's an innately good person who wants people to think he's evil? And what's the purpose of that?

I strode past him and over to the shed door. It was thick and wooden, once painted green but the paint had long since flaked off. Slotting the keys into the padlock, I unhitched the lock and pushed open the door, bending down to run my hand over Sheba's head as she tried to stick her nose in my crotch. Really, she would be so much better doing that to Kai, he's male after all unless Sheba bats for the other team. You never know.

Heading over to the medicine cabinet, which was screwed to the wall, I unlocked it and scanned the contents. All sorts resided in here from sheep doses to salts for the sheep's feet, penicillin to syringes and other bits and pieces that were important for lambing. The chemical scents mixed with the earthen floor, the musty scent of dust that clung to the cobwebs. The single bulb that swung from the rafter lent a dull glow to the windowless room, lingering on the glittering trails of snails and the granite crystals embedded in the dank, moldy wall.

I felt Kai come in behind me, eyes sweeping over the corrugated tin roof and the electric tools that were placed along shelves above the workshop.

"What is this place?"

"It acts as a workplace for Rory or Hitoshi. It's got all the tools to mend fences and cut logs and that kind of thing and because it's padlocked and has a study door, it's a safe place for the pharmaceuticals." I answered without thinking.

I finally found the salve on the top shelf where everything seems to be when you're short and can't reach it but I tried anyway. Who knows, maybe this time I would be lucky and by stretching I might grow taller. Not.

Finally, I closed my hand around the small tub and shrieked! Something just brushed my back! Oh god, a bug. I hate spiders, I hate wasps, and I particularly don't like things that have legs, antenna, tiny little bodies and wings that don't contain feathers are another bad thing. Like moths. I despise moths with a fiery passion.

Suddenly I noticed that the brush wasn't a brush anymore but something tracing along the base of my spine. Oh god, Kai's touching me! And that's a very vulnerable area. I mean that's where you get jabbed when you're having an epidural. And it was this thought about the needles that made me break out in goose-bumps, not the fact that Kai was trailing his finger over the base of my spine, just above the hem of my trousers. For a split second I froze. Complete and total brain freeze. What was I supposed to do? The guy was running his finger over my back! A guy who, for all extents and purposes, doesn't seem to notice my existence unless he has to. So why was he touching me? And why did it feel so strange?

Mystel had touched me. Loads of times. There had been a lot of touching with Mystel but my skin never felt on fire with him. Well not with such a simple touch anyway. I mean my bones felt like they were melting. I was gripping the shelf with a white-knuckle grip in order to keep my knees from giving out. I suppose most of the reaction came from the spot Kai was drawing on. In other words, if anyone should poke or touch me just to the right of the base of my spine, I will give a very violent reaction. Sometimes I squirm, sometimes I freak out just because I sense someone's hand just near it. I don't like that spot being touched.

However, this was different. I didn't like it but at the same time, I didn't dislike it. It was as though there was a line of fire just where Kai's finger was stroking.

"You have a tattoo?" Kai murmured and in the soft glow of the single bulb and the closed atmosphere of the shed, his voice seemed intimate, like a caress. Halloween, it'll do weird things to your system.

He drew his finger away and with his body heat gone, I suddenly felt very exposed to the cold air though there was still a lingering warmth along that spot. I sank to the soles of my feet and turned to him, disliking the fact that I was flushed and suddenly very uncomfortable with this man looming over me. Frowning, I thrust the container into his hands.

"Here."

"Thanks." He grunted, shoving it into his coat pocket and then he pushed his fingers into his jean pockets. It was then that I noticed what he was wearing, though I have no idea why I was noticing these things. They were hardly very vital notes. He just looked very comfortable in his black windbreaker, blue jeans and scuffed work boots. His spiky hair was ruffled by the wind and his cheeks were tinged from the cool air. Though, how he can withstand the elements and not have a weather beaten face is beyond me because his skin looks perfectly flawless. Tit.

"And no, I don't have a tattoo. Shahero was bored in class and decided to draw on me."

He considered that for a moment before doing that whole head-nodding thing before his eyes met mine with a secretive glint in those very warm brown eyes. "Pity."

"What's a pity?" I asked wearily, knowing that I was looking suspicious and petulant but hey, I was feeling suspicious and petulant.

"It's not a thing; it's a feeling, Benson. Pity means to feel sorry for someone."

I frowned at him for a second, replaying that conversation in my head to make some sense of it. Suddenly it dawned. "Oh ha, ha. Maybe you should try stand up comedy. Because maybe if you stand up, you'd actually be funny."

I turned but not before I caught sight of his lips tilting upwards which was pretty much a smile for Kai, at least when he was in my presence. I'd seen him grin at Miyami but he always seems so serious and sober around me. I don't understand it either. I make people laugh. Always have. Usually it's at me and very rarely is it with me but they still laugh. He barely cracks a smile. Shit head.

I slammed the door shut on the cupboard and a sharp explosion of pain sliced through my finger.

"SHIT!" I hissed and cursed, pulling out my damaged finger and gently examining it. Blood welled in between the flesh and the nail, all around my cuticle and I cringed on seeing it. I'm not squeamish at the sight of blood and it doesn't make me faint but still, I don't like seeing it. I cursed again and with each throb of pain, I felt my eyes well. How embarrassing to be caught crying in front of Kai. Of all the people in this damn country, why him?

That thought was cut short when his warm hand closed around mine as he lifted it to get a better view. Initially, I made to yank my hand away. I mean, that's my gross blood, I didn't want him seeing it or the way my finger was shredded. It just needed a plaster, that's all but still, he brought it up to his face and with careful finger movements, he turned it this way and that to examine the damage.

Then with no warning or even with warning I doubt I would have been able to do anything, from the moment his eyes met mine I was entranced- he slipped my finger into his mouth and I nearly collapsed. It took every ounce of will to lock my knees into place and when other places began to throb with each stroke of his hot, moist tongue, -Oh god!- I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood but I was damned if he was going to know about that injury. Vampire that he is, he'd probably try to lick... Oh goddess. My eyes fluttered but sheer will kept them from closing and in turn, I stopped myself from giving into the strange pleasure that was beginning to hum in my blood.

Suddenly he pulled out my finger and the erotic contrast of the cool air stinging the finger that had been previously inside his heated mouth was nearly my undoing. I wasn't used to this extreme reaction. I had been with Mystel for all of my teenage life but had never felt this volatile mix of emotions. I knew that part of me was attracted to Kai, had been for some time but this, this was insane. You did not feel like this just because someone had sucked on your finger. Technically no one should be sucking on your finger! Not someone who couldn't stand you, that wasn't on!

And it wasn't fair. Mystel could be taken away tonight and the last memory he would have of me was of Kai sucking my finger and me reacting to it. It just wasn't fair. I wasn't cheating on him. I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. I had no control of my body or the way it seemed to want Kai.

Before I even realized it, tears were slipping down my face. Hot, fat tears that I couldn't stop from falling even as the first sob threatened to choke me; I tried to swallow it back. I didn't want to cry, not in front of Kai. He wouldn't understand. No one could.

"Amber, don't cry."

Mystel's heart wrenching plea just made things worse. Everything in me ached from trying to keep the pressure from releasing. I was nearly crippled from the pain but I didn't want to cry.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him. He shouldn't have had to see that. I should have done something. Anything. Instead of staring at Kai like a damn deer caught in car headlights.

Suddenly, without me even noticing, I was pressed against Kai with his arms around me. This time though, I wasn't going to give in without a fight. However, as I tried to pull away, Kai's grip tightened on me.

"Stop it!" He growled harshly and the shock of the sound, the anger in his tone had me going stiff.

I sniffled miserably and thought for spite of rubbing my nose on his fleece but I wasn't that petty. I pulled away and glared at him, while I dashed away the tears. "Sor-ry." I snapped back bitterly.

He glared at me before motioning to my hand. "That's what my mum always did. Sorry if I upset you."

Well put like that... Still, my finger! Then again, he wasn't doing it to arouse me, I knew that when he was hugging me. It was strictly to clean the cut or whatever. "Don't be such a fucking prick. I've had a really bad day."

"And that's a reason for breaking down?" He mocked disgustedly.

"I'm thinking that hitting you might be a better idea. Plus I'd feel so much better. Do you wanna oblige?"

He nodded but somehow, I didn't think he was agreeing with me. Instead, when he finally looked at me -all the disgust and anger was gone, replaced with a quiet understanding. "Do you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

I shook my head but I offered him a grateful look. I knew, he knew about Mystel but I wasn't ready to divulge the part of Mystel being a ghost to him. Nevertheless, I was grateful, now that my brain had caught up. How else did someone stop me from crying? Sympathy didn't work but being a jerk sure cut through the weep fest.

"It's nothing. Just a load of crap building up. I'm sorry you had to witness it. It happens from time to time."

"Hn." Yep there's that little grunt people are growing to love. "Did you have counselling?"

Ah for fucks sake. "I do not need counselling."

"You're the one who freaked over a bit of blood!"

"You put my finger in your mouth!" I shot back.

"It was either that or risk you getting an infection." He drawled quietly. I didn't like it. His voice slid down my spine. In the small hovel that was the shed, everything seemed more intimate which was probably why I had reacted so violently to Kai. The surprise and the sensations were all heightened by the closed space. Eureka!

"You might think about talking to someone."

"I do. Sometimes it just gets on top of me. I'm trying to live a normal life and feel normal but there's the part of me that's pointing out that Mystel's dead and they're warring each other. My emotions are like a battle ground and it's just so hard." I broke off hearing my voice hitch. I gulped back the emotion trying to clog my throat.

"If you told Miyami and the others, you wouldn't have to pretend to be cheerful all the time. They know something's wrong."

"I just want to go back to being the old me. I miss her."

Kai sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Might be easier, if that wall against your emotions came down."

"You don't know me, how can you act as if you do?" I demanded because I didn't understand the frustration leaking off him. He had nothing to feel frustrated about. I lost my boyfriend and I'm the one that has to continue living without him.

"Because I see glimpses of her peeking through when you're not paying attention. When you're caught up with your friends, she breaks out just a little and then you wall her back up and replace her with a false version. Everyone can see that you're holding back."

I shook my head. No. That wasn't true. I wasn't holding back. I wanted to be normal again. But I couldn't be. I had lost Mystel. How could I just go back to being who I was when the person that made me her, was gone?

"You can't hide behind Mystel's death forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to realize that you're not dead and move on."

To you? As if! I glared at him, putting every bit of disgust I could muster into the look before I turned on my heel and headed for the door, opening it and waiting for him to leave.

"You're a piece of work, Ember. Doesn't matter what I say, you'll find a way to take it wrong."

"My name's Amber, not Ember."

"That's what I said." He spluttered as he flushed, obviously realizing that he had tripped up in his hurry to retort something back. Smug satisfaction flared and a smirk played on my lips even as he glared at me, then the venom died and he shrugged.

"Ember suits you better."

Oh, that's nice. I'm really beginning to dislike him with everything inside me. "Why because it's a lump of coal?" I asked.

"No, because you're always blowing hot and cold."

"Ember's don't blow hot and cold, neither do I."

He leaned into me, eyes darkly focused on mine. This guy has obviously never heard that even wacko's like me have personal space. "Watch an ember sometime, Benson, it flares and it dies. Just like your temper."

"My temper is constant, thank you very much."

Kai simply shook his head and chuckled wryly, almost satirically. "Is it just me or are you prickly with everyone you meet?"

I returned his mocking look with one of mock surprise. "No, I like most people."

"So I'm just the exception."

"Don't flatter yourself. If anyone else was as much of an asshole as you, then they'd get the same treatment from me."

"Thing is, I haven't even done anything to you."

I stared at him. "Um, no offence to your memory or anything, which is clearly faulty by the way but since day one, you've been horrible to me. You've indifferent, annoying and you picked on my friend because he's gay. Plus you drag me into your schemes to hide from Mingin', I mean Ming-Ming," I struggled not to smirk at the self-satisfied look on his face. Probably thinks he has another convert. "Whose only crime, by the way, is to like you which is probably a big mistake on her part because you're constantly mean to her."

Kai exhaled loudly and leaned back, folding his arms while still holding the tub of balm. "Don't flatter yourself; I act that way to everyone."

"Like an antisocial loner? How do you have friends then if that's how you treat everyone?" I suddenly demanded; wanting to know what went inside this boys head. Honestly, he's the most complicated person I knew. Though I didn't know many complicated people. Mystel was pretty simple. Brooklyn is easy to work out. Mariah and Mattie, well I lose no sleep over their motivations. But Kai just... I growled realizing that I was spending too much time thinking about him again!!

"Look, just take your stupid balm and piss off."

He muttered something under his breath that I didn't catch but the tone gave me a feeling that if he were to express his thought physically it would have been with an eye roll. He turned and walked out of the shed with Sheba following him. I stayed where I was listening to the clip-clop of Travellers hooves as he left.

Mystel materialized beside me and sighed. "Well that was intense."

"Shut up." I whispered beginning to feel my cheeks burn as my finger began to tingle.

"The guy was just trying to help."

"By sucking my finger?" I demanded, rounding on him.

"The only person dwelling on that is you, Ams. And stop pointing your finger at me, it's disgusting."

"Hey! That's my finger you're talking crap about. It's sore, swollen, and bloody… and yeah, it's disgusting. I should get a plaster before it gets infected with spider spawn or something. Ew, think about that. Spider eggs fall in before it heals over and then in a couple of days they hatch and crawl out from under your scab… I think I'm going to be sick."

"That idea wouldn't work anyway. Spiders tend to carry their eggs around."

I didn't care. Right at that moment I was being bombarded by horror movie scenes of spiders coming out from under my scab and… I legged it out of the shed and shut it behind me. Mystel materialized again and rolled his eyes.

"Ams, you didn't lock the medicine cabinet."

"You know this is where your ghostly skills would come in handy, if you had them. I don't wanna go back in there. It's a bad evil place," I mumbled, suddenly hit by an image, I brightened enthusiastically. "Like that cave in FFX-2 underneath Mushroom rock road where everyone gets taken over by spirits. That's what happened to Ka-Hiwatari Jnr."

"You're demoting him again?" Mystel drawled with a definite resignation to his tone.

I nodded cheerfully. Yeah my enthusiasm leaves something to be desired since I seem to find morbid things more interesting than normal things but hey, being possessed would make such a good excuse. I wonder if Anne would buy it. Then I shook my head. Better to try it on Shallow, he'd at least get a laugh out of it before giving me detention.

In the distance, the church bell rang out the time and I sighed. Five o' clock. In 2 hours, I'd have to go so it would make sense for me to at least have a shower and get my hair straightened before I had to go. I was heading towards the house when I heard Mystel's sigh and I knew he wasn't happy with me ignoring what had just happened with Kai and me in the shed. But excuse me if I wasn't feeling oh so comfortable talking about something that seemed so intimate to me but was purely practical for him. Asshole.

I sat in front of my computer, running my fingers over the keys as I conversed with many multicultural people. On the couch, Bryan was slouched with his eyes glued to the TV. Every so often, he would grow bored with the current program and would promptly switch it over. This was getting on my nerves because I was half heartedly trying to watch something. Him, jumping from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch to Neighbours was seriously confusing me because last time I checked, nobody in the suburbs of Australia pointed and zapped pop tarts. Though I'm sure, they would love to.

"Amber do you want some lasagne?"

I nodded then realized that I was behind the wall and that Hiroshi would need X-ray eyes to see me. "Yes, please."

"Bryan, could you please ask Shahero if she'd like anything?"

Bryan grunted and rolled off the sofa and ambled out to the stairs. My attention was piqued by the flashing of a small rectangle on the bar at the bottom of my screen. Pulling up the window, I recognized the address as Miyami's.

Long live red heads says:
Hey, you excited about tonight?

Logan Echolls is hot!! says:
I suppose so. No, I am. I just have no idea what to wear.

Long live red heads says:
Logan Echolls is hot. But his real name is Jason.

Long live red heads says:
Besides, stick on a pointed hat and a wart and you'll be fine.

Logan Echolls is hot!! says:
OK first up, the actor who plays Logan could be a total dweeb, I happen to like Logan as a person despite his dickhead qualities. And second, I so don't think you're going to be sticking on a pointy hat and wart for your costume.

As I waited for Miyami's reply, I turned my attention back to my unused window where I usually spent time. Pulling it up, I logged into the chat room I usually loitered around. And there was Ash probably working on some college homework while waiting for someone to talk to him, the loner!

Em: Happy Halloween!

Ash: It's been Halloween for ages now, in fact, it's kind of over.

Em: You're such a killjoy, where's Riley?

Ash: Probably at school like normal people usually are. What's up with you? Still going out tonight?

Em: Seemingly so and I don't think it's going to be much fun. The lord of Hell will be there and he's now sexually assaulting me.

Ash: Lol. You wish.

I frowned at that. Well that was nice. Any other guy would be offering to beat the shit out of blue boy but oh no, not Ash. He was far more interested in doing his homework, dick!

Long live red heads says:
Hey, do me a favour?

Logan Echolls is hot!! says:
Do you a favor or do you as a favour?

Long Live red heads says:
Your wit kills me…

Long live red heads says:
With its lameness!

I rolled my eyes and had to chuckle. Whatever you deal out to Miyami, she just shoots back at you. You have to admire the girl for that. She's got balls… actually I don't get that phrase. I mean, pointing out whether or not someone has balls seems kind of tasteless because contrary to people's opinion, someone's loins do not contribute to their courage. And why balls? Why not something of feminine origin -though I'm struggling to think of another name for a woman's ahem that isn't vulgar and am failing miserably. But my point is that women are just as brave and gutsy as men, they just show it in a different way.

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
So what exactly is this favour?

There was silence from the Miyami side of the conversation and I was guessing that this favour was going to be extremely hard on me. Suddenly the computer beeped.

Long live red heads says:
MSN Kai for me and tell him to meet us at the green at seven fifteen!

She wanted me, Amber Benson, to msn Kai Hiwatari? Um, what's wrong with this picture? Oh, I know, Kai is her friend. She's the one who invited him!

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
Why me? You can do it.

Long live red heads says:
I can't, I have to put this dye in my hair and then get ready for tonight. I don't have time. Besides, he's not online yet. Just in case he comes online while you're on, could you tell him? I'll text him but I'm not sure if his phone is on. Just do it, please.

This seems so wrong. I just had the guy over here sucking my finger and now I have to voluntarily talk to him on MSN- Oh key point. The reason I never know when Kai is on MSN could possibly be because I don't have his email address!

Long live red heads says:
Here's his email address: KaiNHiwatari and you know the whole hotmail thingy.

I scratched my cheek as I stared at the very uninspiring email address. And he wonders why people like Ming-Ming are able to email him? He might as well have a sign, 'Kai's email box, right here!' Seriously, you'd think… no you wouldn't think that Kai would come up with something better because, oh, yeah Kai has no imagination at all.

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
I hate you!

I watched as a big fat pair of red virtual lips pressed up against my screen and then was followed by Miyami saying good bye in her usual light hearted yet dramatic way -very Marilyn Munroe-esque without the blonde airhead attitude.

I sighed heavily and tapped on the contacts tab, entered Kai's email and hoped he was one of those people who was suspicious about adding strangers. I mean how obvious was my address: nak3dbabydanc1ng. I blamed Mystel for that one, he came up with it while I was lying on my bed staring out the window. I basically gave him free rein to come up with my email address and that's what I got along with a very interesting password that I was never giving to anyone.

I moved back to my chat room conversation while Shahero shuffled into the room, hair still damp from her shower. She headed for the kitchen and she and Hiroshi began to chat in soft murmurs.

Em: So how is Abby?

Ash: So you're talking to me again?

Em: Sorry, I got drafted to do some crappy shit.

Ash: Like?

Em: Riley says you're hanging out with Abby? You must be pysched.

Ash: Psyched? As in the film with the shower scene?

I stared at the screen for half a second…

Em: Yes, that's it.

Ash: No I'm not psyched. I'm perfectly sane. And it's not a date or anything. Just a group of us hanging out. What about you? How's everything on your end? You still angry with those boys for hurting your gay friend?

Em: A little. Not so much.

Ash: Really? I thought you were.

Had I given him that impression? Because I wasn't angry with them just disappointed I guess because they had seemed pretty decent only to turn out to be complete jackasses. I just didn't like that side to them but since part of me could understand, I couldn't really hold it against them. Besides, Oliver didn't want much fuss made. The parents had stopped their ludicrous calls for him to be expelled and while he was still very much a social outcast, things were cooling down. Tala's friends didn't sneer at him or make any wise cracks but they did become wary when he came near them. They didn't sit near enough in class nor did Oliver do PE anymore but it was better than it had been.

Kai and Miyami still talked during classes whenever Oliver wasn't around and even when he was, she would go over to talk to Kai, sort of to reassure him I guess. They would have these deep discussions about god knows what, though more often than not, Miyami would leave frustrated. Tala and me, well we still met up on the moor and things between us were settling. I was beginning to like him so much -strictly platonically- that I began to miss him when he couldn't come to school due to his migraines, the curse of being a genius. So often, my days off from work were spent at his house getting tutored for Math and playing on the PS2. Kane and Aspin were back to their regular 'I need some Aspirin'; 'Get a life Pain' conversations. Everything was like it should be, or so I'm told.

Em: No, I can understand, I guess. I mean how many gay people are there in Ireland. I mean you see homosexuality on TV but that's TV, no one expects it to turn up in their school yard and when it does, it's this big deal. Like a flu epidemic.

Ash: You're doing your brat speech again, I can just about hear it.

Em: Considering you don't know how I sound, that would be very hard to imagine.

Ash: Considering the way you type, it really wouldn't. I imagine a female lilt with a gravelly undertone.

Em: You what? I'm just gonna bypass that sentence and pretend you didn't just try to describe my voice. Oh did I tell you, Mum made me clean my room. Again. That's the third time this week.

Ash: Maybe if you had just cleaned it right the first time you wouldn't have had to be told the second and third time.

Em: I hope you know I'm glaring at you! See that's what Hiwatari said and I glared at him too.

Ash: I'm starting to like this Hiwatari guy. He seems very level headed. You should date him.

Em: …

Ash: Lol. That's right, you're keeping yourself pure for me.

Em: You were abducted by aliens. I'm so sorry for not believing Riley when it's so clear you were. Dude, are you ok?

A large fist knocked at my screen and I winced. Gotta stop saying Dude. Must stop referring to people as Dude. Must sound sane, reasonable and intelligent, not like some reject surfer from the mid eighties.

A box from MSN scrolled up and I'm ashamed to say I felt a strange fluttering in my chest when I didn't recognize the screen name. You are mine. I clicked on the MSN screen and checked the address and sighed. Oh boy.

I made the move to contact him but before I could even type out a simple hi, this popped up in angry red writing.

You are mine says:
Who the fuck are you and how did you get my address?

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
No wonder you're such a hit with the ladies, Kai, with that sort of greeting I don't know why I just don't melt into a puddle.

You are mine says:
Who is this?

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
And boy is that such a possessive statement. So alpha male and dominatrix.

You are mine says:
If you won't answer I'm deleting you.

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
How quickly you forget the girl who's finger you just sucked!

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
Miyami told me to tell you to meet her at the green at 7:15 tonight. And don't worry, I'll delete your address so that Ming-Ming and Oliver won't find it.

You are mine says:
Benson.

Logan Echolls is hot! says:
And Bingo was his name-o! Gotta go Kai, important people to talk to, hair to wash, the usual.

Without anymore words I click on his screen name and deleted him but deliberately forget to block him just in case he ever wants to talk to me… like that will ever happen. But if I kept his email address, I knew I'd be tempted to at least pay attention to him when he logged on, even if I didn't talk to him. It's like at school, I'm always aware he's there even when I don't particularly want to talk to him.

Ash: Where did you go this time?

Em: I had some business to take care of for a friend of mine. Aw, did you miss me?

Ash: No, I found a way to entertain myself.

Em: That sounds so wrong! Mental images.

Ash: You're sick. And you can't get mental images when you don't know what someone looks like. Anyway, I have to go. Chat to you later.

Em: Sure. I have dinner ready anyway. Tell Riley to email me, I haven't chatted to her in ages.

Ash: Will do. Goodnight.

Em: Goodnight.

I closed down the window and shut down the other stuff I was half heartedly involved in. After shutting down the computer, I headed into the kitchen just as Hiroshi was dishing up the grub.

"Get your hand off my leg!"

We are supposed to be going to Londonderry to see the fireworks. We're supposed to be having fun. However, instead we're sitting in a car, in the dark empty car park outside the Church of Ireland, listening to Shahero berate Hitoshi for being a lecherous tool! This is my idea of fun. The sad thing is that I really want Hiwatari to show up because he has Tala in his car. Last text message told me he's about five minutes away.

That was five minutes ago. He so should be… yikes, Hitoshi really is pretty touchy feely.

"Do you want me to castrate you? Because I will do it with great pleasure!" Shahero vowed darkly.

Shahero had wanted to sit in the back, obviously to get away from Hitoshi but he had insisted she sit up front. Never mind the fact that I could get car sick in the back, that obviously isn't important in situations such as these where Hitoshi just wants to get close to Shahero. Which is scary and strange because she hates him. And Shahero doesn't seem to hate many but she loathes him. Makes me wonder what he did to her, but a couple of gropes too many and I was getting the gist.

"Where the hell is Hiwatari? Did he get the 7:15 memo?"

"Delivered it personally." I quipped and slouched back in the car, watching my breath fog as I gazed up at the pricks of starlight piercing the midnight canvas.

"Well it's seven twenty now."

"He can read, I'm so proud."

I snickered at Shahero's scathing tone.

"I bet the teachers are ecstatic."

"Yeah they were thinking they'd never get rid of him, he'd be the first geriatric high-schooler."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one, especially when Hitoshi glared at her for the jibe at his age. He is actually two years older than Shahero. She skipped a year and he had to repeat one, yeah, she's gonna hold that one over him.

Mystel appeared in the middle of the seat.

So?

"Hiwatari's 4X4 just turned down the road, he'll be here in two minutes tops."

Did they stop off somewhere? And what about Miyami? She's the one who bloody orchestrated the whole deal.

"She's trying to convince Russia to come, but Russia would rather go to the pub and get drunk."

Sounds about right.

Well there's Hiwatari now, I thought, as the 4X4 rolled into the car park, crunching gravel under the tires. Doors opened and slammed shut as the lights remained on, illuminating the figures that stepped out. Striking as ever, lean and well built, Johnny, Tala, Enrique and Rei all made quite an impression on a girl. It made sense why they were the BMOC's at school.

A creak from the seat in front of me drew my attention long enough to kick it when Hitoshi leaned over to murmur something in Shahero's ear that made her flush, hiss an insult before she stormed out of the car, slamming the door hard enough to make the car shake. Heaving a sigh, I opened my door and stepped out into the cold October air.

How are you feeling Mystel?

"I'm…" He broke off when I pinned him with a look and he sighed. "I still feel out of sorts but I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Benson, in future don't kick my chair!" Hitoshi growled as he unfolded himself from his seat and stretched himself to his full height, closing the door behind him.

Why does everyone call me Benson? I mean Mum gave me a first name for a reason.

"It must get confusing with all your cousins."

Exactly. You'd think that, but no one said that people behind the gap have brains. Well the girls obviously do but the boys are all-

"Hey Benz!"

I think I lost a couple of valuable inches when Tala's arm landed along my shoulder, forcing me down under the weight. I could feel him beside me, solid and warm and because I was freezing my ass off, I turned into him and hunched my shoulders, frowning at the scratchy material of the shirt he was wearing.

"Why are we standing out in the cold?" Shahero demanded irately, scowling at her feet as she hugged herself to stay warm.

"We could share body hea…" Enrique's enthusiastic offer trailed off as Shahero silenced him with a glare, but I think it was the death glare from Hitoshi that really shut him up. "Never mind." He mumbled and I instantly felt bad for him. Out of all the boys, he seemed to be the weakest of them, well maybe not the weakest but certainly the youngest. The others were taller than him, or bulkier. They were more imposing than him and were much broodier than him. But they were a group none the less.

"Grow a spine, Enrique." Johnny muttered with a roll of his eyes and then he groaned. "Where is she?"

Everyone's eyes were suddenly on me and I shrugged. "Do I look like her keeper?"

"Well you told Kai that Miyami said to meet here at 7:15."

"So I say a lot of things on MSN, I also told someone I'm 5ft 7" model with double G breasts. Your point?"

Shahero chuckled but covered it quickly with her hand when everyone glared at her, bar me because I found their expressions pretty darn amusing too.

"Double G? That's the size of Claude's head right?"

Unable to help myself, bombarded by the image of Claude with a bra on his head, I burst out laughing. And now everyone's eyes were on me. The resident lunatic! Yippee!

Kai rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. Tapping one button, he held it to his ear. Looks like he and Miyami do a lot of talking if he has her on speed dial.

"So how did you get Kai's email address?" Tala asked as Kai wandered away to get some privacy. Johnny and Enrique were sniping at each other, Shahero had inched closer to the red headed Scot to get away from Hitoshi while Rei tried to distract him with a normal none perverted topic.

"Miyami gave it to me with the precise orders to tell Kai to be here at 7:15 as soon as he came on line. Which I did and then I deleted him."

"Why did you delete it?"

"Um, because it's called a friends list. We're not friends."

Tala rolled his eyes. "You're a strange girl, Benny."

"Hmph."

"What are you dressed as exactly?"

I looked down at my rather haggard outfit and sighed. I was dressed as a something dead, maybe one of Dracula's freaky ladies I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I had put a lot of eyeliner around my eyes, my face was paled with talcum powder and I had tousled my hair into a chaotic mess. I had put on a rather oversized sweater belonging to Bryan with the sleeves cut off and the neckline ripped. I had on a pair of shorts too -no need to flash anyone- but they were hidden by the top. And to finish off the outfit, I'd pulled on a pair of fishnet tights with the feet cut off onto my arms and a pair of sheer black tights with my black All Starz finished the crazy look.

"Couldn't think of anything. I mean, seriously the only things in my head are manga, anime and computer game characters and none of them are remotely suitable for dressing up as at Halloween. Though it would have been cool to dress up as Tifa because all I needed were skater shorts, white tank top, apron tied on backwards and my All Starz but then again, no one is going to point to me and say 'Oh there's Tifa.' Not unless I shoved tissues down my bra. Which I wouldn't do because that would chafe… Enrique why are you staring at me?"

"You said bra." Tala explained as though it were the most natural thing that Enrique would be staring at me because of the word bra.

"Seriously?" I thought about that for a moment before: "Bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra; bra; bra, bra bra; bra, bra-"

"Why is Benson saying bra all the time?"

"Amber stop saying Bra!"

"Bra, bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra, bra; bra, bra-"

"Hey! I think Enrique's brains just melted!"

"First Enrique would have to have a brain and second, Benson stop saying Bra." Kai growled as he walked up and cuffed Enrique around the head. I moved closer to Tala in case he decided to do the same to me. Well you never know, the guy did suck my finger. He shot me a bemused look and I had an unnerving feeling that he had read my mind.

"Would you prefer if I said Brassier?" At Kai's dark look, I exhaled loudly. "Alright then. Hey Enrique, do you have the same reaction if I say dick all the time?" I wondered cheekily.

"Or jocks? Boxers? Wood?"

I giggled as Shahero joined the teasing and Enrique grew steadily more disturbed.

"Leave Enrique alone." Kai sighed heavily and leaned back against his car. "Miyami will be here in five minutes."

"Gee, we're never going to get a spot now." I sighed mournfully. "I'm just too short to see over the big people's heads."

Shahero grinned at me understanding my sarcasm but the boys didn't seem too impressed. Explain to me, again, why we're going with them? They have, like, zip personality! Oh right, they can drive. We can't. We need to get Shahero behind a wheel.

"Ugh, you guys are no fun."

"Are you drunk?" Kai finally asked.

I frowned. How can I be drunk without the presence of alcohol? It ruins the whole drinking thing! "No! Do I look drunk?" I challenged tilting up my face so that I could look him squarely in the eye. Bad idea. Look away!

"You're acting strange."

I rolled my eyes. This from the guy who complained that I was acting too depressed now I was acting too chipper so I must be drunk. Typical male attitude! "I'm not drunk. I'm just feeling better than I usually am. And I'm cold and I'm bored and I have to entertain myself somehow and since I don't have something dangling between my legs, I can't do that!"

"Well you do have something else between your legs and I bet you can have just as much fun with that!"

I flushed getting Johnny's meaning immediately and suddenly I wished I hadn't made any illusions to masturbating but I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up. Because usually Mystel would say something like that when I was being crude and force me to cool off on the vulgar front.

I pulled my thumb out from between my teeth to apologize. "Ok, sorry that was crude."

A car swerved into the car park and Aspin all but fell out of the passenger door. "Oh god," she gasped. "I've never had car sickness before but now seems like a good time to start." She mumbled, bent double in the middle of our wide circle.

"Miyami's driving that bad?"

"Why do you even let her drive?"

"It's her car." Aspin snapped back as Arista climbed easily out of the car, eyes still glued to her game boy. Obviously she'd been too lost in the world of Mario to notice that Miyami had been attempting to kill them.

"She's had three lessons." Shahero muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"Where's Sonia?" I found myself wondering as Miyami got out and checked her hair in her compact.

"She's got a house party to go to. Now get in." I balked as she motioned for me to get into her car.

Aspin lifted her eyes to mine and shook her head ominously. "Amber, for your own sake, don't."

"Miyami's a good driver."

"Thank you Arista, you're officially my favorite cousin."

"Yay!"

"Miyami get in the jeep." Kai ordered.

Miyami opened her mouth to refuse only to quell under his look and with a sigh, her shoulders slumped as she dragged her feet over to Kai's car. "Someone take my keys." She mumbled and Shahero plucked them from her hand.

"Oh, no. Shahero give Johnny the keys." I muttered, Shahero doesn't know how to officially drive at a speed that's higher than first gear. Which means she's miles ahead of me on the driving thing, I can't even get it out of neutral.

"Shahero give Johnny the keys, you're going in my car."

"I am not."

When Hitoshi leaned over to whisper something in Shahero's eyes, she went bright red and furiously gave Johnny the keys before stomping back to Hitoshi's car.

"Don't give that jerk the keys to my car!"

I watched the whole scene play out in front of me with great amusement. Did they always act like this or was this the magic of Halloween? Then my thoughts broke off as I was yanked sideways over to Kai's jeep.

"If I have to go with Kai, so do you."

"No I do not!" I snapped back petulantly and she stared me down before I eventually caved. "Fine. But I'll make you regret it. I'll annoy him so much that he'll crash and you'll die young and a virgin too!"

Miyami gasped in horror before she became smug and I suddenly thought she was going to announce that she wasn't a virgin in which case I'd naturally have to ask who she did IT with. "Kai is unannoyable!"

Oh. That's what has got her so smug? Jeez, she really doesn't know Kai very well. "Well we'll just see about that!"

"Bet!"

I won!

The car journey basically consisted of this:

Me: KAI!

Kai: …

Miyami: (whispers) Good boy Kai. See, unannoyable.

Me: (whispers) That's not a word! (out loud) Ka-ai! Kai-pie. Ooh, I like that name.

Miyami: Oh, that's cute. Kai-sempai.

Me: Huh? (completely confuzzled.)

Miyami: Weren't you shortening the term sempai and adding it to his name, sort of in respect?

Me: (scoffs) No! Pie as in Steak and Kidney pie.

Miyami: Oh. Not so cute.

Ten minutes later-

Me: Kai-pie! I need to go pee. (car slows.) Oh wait, no I don't. (car speeds up) No wait I do!

Tala: You can't pee in the middle of a town.

Me: Why not though? Why can't I just go up to someone's house and demand to pee in their toilet?

Tala: Because…

Five minutes later-

Me: Kai-Pie. Oh, look his ears are going red. (clapping)

Miyami: (hammering feet against floor in frustration, obviously noticing my annoying brilliance)

Me: (gasp) Flintstones!

Me and Miyami: (hammering feet against floor, miming Fred and Barney in their car travelling to work)

Me: Kai and Tala can be Betty and Wilma.

Miyami: Who're you?"

Me: Obviously with my black hair, I must be Fred.

Miyami: Is Kai Wilma?

Tala: Watch the road!

Me: Duh, no. He's got blue hair, see!

Tala: Stop pulling Kai's hair! You're gonna make us crash.

Me: Well duh, Wilma what did you think I was trying to do?!

Twenty minutes later-

Me: Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

Kai: Amber get your head back in and close that window!

Me: I feel really queasy.

Tala: (sympathetic) Maybe you shouldn't be looking at the lines going by.

Kai: You're going to get that thick head of yours knocked off!

Me: Nngh. I'm gonna throw up.

Kai: Not in my car.

Me: It's ok, I'll stick my head out the window again.

Kai: Put that window back up!

Me: Down! (push button) Hey! Did you lock the window? You ass! I'm gonna throw up in your car now! And it'll smell of puke. Put the window down!

Kai: Right that's it!

Me: Uh-oh. Mimi, are you awake? Mimi, I think I won. Oh god, he's gonna kill me. Mimi, wake up!

At this point, Kai had pulled over into a petrol station and with a thunderous expression, he proceeded to get out of his car and he strode over to my side of the car. All the while I was struggling between giggling breathlessly and trying to regain some sobriety before Kai really killed me. At least if he killed me, Tala would be a witness and… actually he probably wouldn't testify against Kai since I think I had thoroughly pissed him off at this point too.

There were no more thoughts as Kai ordered me out of the car and grabbing me by the shoulders, he began to demand if I would behave for the rest of the journey. It was very hard for me to answer seriously that I would -after all, I had won my bet- when I was trying very hard not to giggle.

Then he stole my humour by swearing that if I said one more thing to him, he'd drop me at the next filling station and I could find my own way back home. Very nice indeed. So with much sobriety, I crawled into the back seat.

Me: I win.

Miyami: (nods with awe) You must teach me, oh wise sensei.

Me: Indeed, grasshopper, someday soon I w… Shutting up now, Kai.

So finally we reached Londonderry and were able to soak in the atmosphere of the maiden city. It's like a really tame version of Mardi Gras or how I imagine it. People in loud costumes, sparkly wigs, big seventies shoes, pointed hats and the works; all heading under the bridge to the waterfront where the barge is with the fireworks. Already the Foyle River was shimmering under the orange street lamps. In the distance, in the hills that loomed over the town, bursts of light shot up sporadically into the air as families had their own displays. If it weren't for the dots of light, the streaks of coloured jets and just the vague silhouette against the dark night, you wouldn't know there were any hills behind the buildings.

I wandered along the pavement beside Tala, taking in the elaborate costumes, the mundane ones and the numerous Harry Potter wannabe's and grinned. This was Halloween for me. Sure, the parties at the Parkers were always fun but there was always something special about the rare trip to see the amazing Londonderry fire works. Well ok, sometimes they weren't really that awesome but still, it was the atmosphere. It reminded me of a time when my parents were together. They used to always take me. I spent all day looking forward to it, sitting on the windowsill waiting for Dad to come home from work. Then we'd all go, it was like a ritual, one I hadn't been in the mood to continue when my parents split.

It was hard to make out where we were going in the dark but the throngs of people made it clear where the pavement was, just getting past them was a little difficult.

"Excited Benz?"

I nodded, unable to contain the butterflies in my stomach. It was pathetic but it was true. I loved Halloween. "Now I just need a toffee apple." I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces. "Where are the others?"

"I think they passed us when Kai pulled over in St. Johnston."

I got the obvious dig and made a face. "I'm sorry about that but me and Mimi had a bet. I had to win it."

"I just don't see what you have against Kai. He's really not that bad once you get to know him. You've got him pegged as Satan Incarnate."

"I don't have anything against Kai." I mumbled because I was beginning to see just how childish I had been in the car.

"Yeah well I doubt he thinks that."

Yeah like Kai cares what I- No, everyone cared what another thought of them, even when they said they didn't. It's human nature and I had been a serious bitch to Kai. Trying to tell myself that that was how the old me acted was a farce because the old me didn't purposely make people's lives a misery. The old me made jokes about herself to make others laugh. The old me could be petty but with reason. Kai hadn't given me one reason to act like a brat. If I was uncomfortable around him that was my own fault. He may not like me but at least he was never horrible to me so what right had I to pick on him? With a sigh, I made a mental note to apologise.

"He just gets on my nerves."

"Why?"

Tala sounded genuinely shocked by the fact that Kai annoyed me and yes, I could sort of see why. He didn't exactly set out to annoy anyone the way I did but still he did annoy me. He was always so…

"Amber are you going to hit me?"

I blinked and looked down at my hand which was indeed in a fist… Yikes. "I was thinking about throttling Kai." I answered sheepishly.

"Why? What has he done to piss you off so much?" He shook his head, almost as though he didn't want to hear my answer which I could understand I guess. Here's this new girl your trying to befriend who has for no particular reason, decided she hates your best friend since childhood. I could definitely understand his actions.

I blew out a breath and pressed my lips together, struggling for a good answer. "It's not him, or anything he's done it's simply that by being Kai, he's annoyed me. I don't understand it because he's not actually annoying but there's something that just makes me wanna…" I trailed off, I just couldn't explain it logically but that was normal for me. I never made sense to anyone, people just simply expected it.

"I'm sorry Tala, I'm not trying to put you in the middle of anything but something about Kai just gets under my skin. I'll try to be more mature about it. It's not even his fault. It's not as though he does it deliberately." I said the last part to myself, almost as though trying to convince myself that Kai had done nothing wrong and I was being unjustly mean but my god, he was frustrating. Then there was the fact that he sucked my finger!!

Tala jerked his shoulder and his arm came around me further, pulling me into the length of his body and I felt incredibly comfortable. It was strange that Tala was the first non male member of my family that I was quite happy to be cuddled against. Usually guys tried to get a girl close because they wanted to get to another base with them, there was none of that with Tala. Maybe with other girls he did that but never with me.

Sometimes I wondered if I should be insulted but most of the time I felt good about it. He didn't expect anything from me that I wasn't willing to give. Kai on the other… well he was not in the same boat. Sometimes I got the feeling he wanted something then other times I was so sure that he didn't want me in his life. If he would make his damn mind up my life would be so much easier.

We meandered through the crowd and pushed through clusters of people, all talking about random things such as current affairs, family troubles, school and the upcoming events. It was as I was pushing my way to the rail where the best view was, that I realized it was just me and Tala. I knew that Kai had dragged Miyami off because I saw him literally drag her off.

"Hey, do you know where Johnny and the others are?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Kai appear in the crowd behind us. He directed the question to Tala with a grin on his face that made me wonder at the answer.

Tala shook his head. "No, why?"

"They're in the fucking pub."

Tala rolled his eyes. "Seriously? What the hell? What was the point of coming here if they just were gonna sit in the pub. Sure, there's pubs at home."

"Well that's where he is. He just texted me."

Miyami shoved through the lines of people who shot her disgruntled looks, but she didn't seem to notice, too caught up in her own thoughts. Though the funny part was that Miyami, being quite tiny herself, was shoving and shouldering people out of her way. Something I would never do because I have the power of a twig in my upper body. But go twig power, it makes me oh, so bendy.

"Are we gonna meet up with them, then?"

I frowned. I didn't want to go to the pub. I came here to see the fireworks. That was why I came here, if they were just going to go to the pub then, in all likelihood, I would go too but the fireworks… If Mystel was here he'd follow through with the initial plan. The thought of beer wouldn't lure him away. I missed Mystel so much!

"The fireworks are starting." Tala informed us both and the crowds pushed forward because the fireworks are easier to see when you're underwater(!) "We'll go after. Ok?"

Almost as soon as he spoke, the first burst of light shot into the word and exploded into fantastic motes of light that illuminated the sky. It was shortly followed by more little bullets of light that exploded in the night, greens and reds that intermingled before they fizzled out. I watched each display with baited breath as many of the children did and enjoyed the brilliant colours.

Each whistle and bang followed by the gasps and exclamations of surprise sent a shocking thrill down my spine which was strange because I'd never had a physical reaction to fireworks before. Not like this anyway but then again, I had begun to appreciate life more since Mystels' death. It made me wonder if he enjoyed them as much or did it remind him of times when he had come to see the fireworks as a child. Did he miss that part of his life? I didn't dare ask.

Suddenly something wet hit my nose and for a second, I worried that it might be a drop from the river in front of us. The dirty, muddy, full of crap river until another drop hit and then another and soon we were being pelted with big, fat drops of rain that soaked into our clothes and ran along our scalps.

A universal groan of annoyance moved through the crowd but I ignored it, concentrating on the lights in the sky. A pressure eased off our backs and I realized that many of the parents were taking their children back to the car, unwilling to get them wet or cold. But we stayed where we were, staring up at the sky and nudging each other when a particularly good firework illuminated the night sky. Up on the hill opposite us, roman candles were shooting into the sky from private displays. A reminder that we weren't the only people in the whole of the county at that moment in time though it seemed as though we were.

After half an hour, the fireworks died off with an impressive burst of noise and light as it filled the night sky, overwhelming the velveteen darkness. It didn't fail to take our breaths away but the shortness always left me feeling slightly disappointed. When I had been a child the fireworks had been so big and bright and magical and now… now they were a package of chemicals that exploded colorfully. They lacked something. I guess that was part of growing up, you lost a love for all that was wistful and young. Still, I liked them well enough. It just didn't fill an evening.

I turned away as the crowds began to disperse and looked to them. "What now?"

Miyami rubbed her hands. "Pub?"

"Pub." Tala answered.

We shuffled down the street, not minding that our clothes were soaked through, our hair was limp -except for Tala's that seemed to remain in the same old shape… I have no idea how- and Miyami still looked as perfect as ever. If I was a jealous person, I would possibly hate her. Good thing I wasn't a jealous or vain person.

"So are you dressed as Jubilee or what?"

Miyami looked down at her searing yellow jacket and the Doc Martin boots, long black t-shirt and leggings. She was also wearing a pair of pink sunshades which is perfectly natural to wear on a dark Halloween night. "Yup."

"Cool."

"Well Arista suggested the game character theme."

"Yeah running around with a bikini and my hair braided didn't strike me as fun."

"No one said you had to be Rikku. Your idea for Tifa would have worked just fine and Shahero as Yuffie…" She trailed off as though it made perfect sense and didn't need to be debated anymore.

"I like my dead girl look."

"I don't think dead people look like that." She replied breezily. "They have way more style than credited with."

What say you Mystel?

Mystel materialized beside me and placed his arm around my waist, a strange feeling since I knew he couldn't really walk beside us but he gave the illusion that he could and I have to admit it disturbed me. Why was he still playing at being alive? Didn't that make things harder for him?

"You saying you haven't noticed my style?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. Yeah Mystel was really stylish tonight. He had seemed to discover how to change his outfit and was now wearing something vaguely Egyptian. Navy pants, t-shirt with a white linen tunic over it encrusted with gold at the collar and a reddish pink sash and belt. He even had pixyish shoes to go with it in the same red color. The big gold hoops, the gaudy gold bracelet and the gold mask completed the outfit.

I had to admit it was slightly bemusing to see him in full Halloween get up when Tala could only manage a seventies disco white and orange jumpsuit and a pair of earphones with a microphone attached and Kai couldn't manage anything at all. He was just dressed in his usual black ensemble. But he looked good so I guess that was the intention. He was probably planning on pulling a girl tonight anyway and looking like a dork would so scupper that plan. Unless the girl was Ming-Ming because I'm betting he could wear a chicken outfit and she'd still be happy.

We crossed the street making a rather cranky driver pamp his horn before we headed up the street towards mainstreet.

"So what pub are they in?"

"The Tavern." Kai answered.

"And that is where?"

"Up in the square." He answered leading us through the crowds of people moving like the tides, ever flowing to and fro. Pumpkins were sitting out side various establishments but they lacked the spookiness you saw in the American films. They didn't have faces and they lacked the lights, they were just pumpkins. Kind of sad actually that they were cut from the earth just to rot outside a hairdressers.

In the windows there were 'Happy Halloween' signs and paper skeleton's hung in the doors while other such decorations in the traditional colours were strewn here and there to make the scene more interesting. We moved up a side street that led onto the main street which had been closed off because of the festivities and the copious amounts of people who lined the streets. The presence of the PSNI was noticeable as they stood or wandered through the crowds with their stoic expressions and hands clutching their radio's in apprehension of any sort of problems.

"Shit look at them!"

We followed Miyami's finger and grinned at the sight of people on stilts dressed in clown outfits, witch ones and demons to boot. They were either blowing bubbles or tossing confetti down on top of people. On the street corner, a statue in silver and white was posing in for a photo with a group of teenage girls in skimpy outfits. It's Halloween, we live in Ireland, they're so going to be sick in the morning.

"Hey, are any of you going to Jordanstown?"

I shrugged. "When's that?"

"Next week."

I glanced at Miyami. She shrugged. "I guess if it gets out us out of class it can't be that bad."

"Ok, we're in."

"Kaye says she's only allowing those with four honour subjects to go."

"Ah sure then, we're ok."

Miyami nodded. "I've got four. Ams has just about got four."

"Ha, ha. My four chosen subjects are honours and so is English. I could be doing Honours Irish but it's a balls."

In front of us, Kai nudged Tala and motioned to something ahead of us. Another stilt walker but he looked a little stunted.

"Hey, look at this guy."

"Shit he's huge." Miyami whispered and I zeroed in on him, blinking in awe when he came closer. The guy wasn't on stilts.

"What height is he?"

"About seven foot."

"Yikes. Sucks to be him."

"Be careful you two, wouldn't want him to stamp on you. He might think you're ants."

"Says he who's not quite six feet. Aren't you kind of tiny Kai?"

"I am six foot."

"Minus an inch." Miyami snickered.

"5ft something… Kai you're tiny."

Tala chuckled. "Now girls don't be insulting his dick, that's just rude."

"You been looking Tala?"

"AMBER!"

I glanced over at Miyami who was bent double with laughter.

"Benson is there anyway to shut you up?"

"Sorry my batteries are rechargeable."

"I wasn't asking about your vibrator."

"KAI!"

I swallowed the chuckle and felt my face burn. Arrogant bastard. "I don't have a vibrator."

"That explains why you're such a frigid bitch."

OK, now that was uncalled for and beside me, I felt Miyami sober up while Tala shot him a dark look but Kai didn't seem to care, instead he just pushed open the door of dark red building. We followed him but I damn well wasn't pleased about it. What the fuck was his problem? Was he still pissed about the thing in the car? Because that happened an hour ago. Talk about holding a grudge!

Frigid? I wasn't frigid. Frigid implied that I was unresponsive to sex and how the fuck would he know anything about me during sex? Or it meant I was lacking warmth… sure it was a cold night but I'm not a cold person. And he's one to talk about frigidity anyways. The guy barely cracks a smile.

I entered the bar and looked around, enjoying the rusticity of it. People were standing by the bar, leaning against the rail that separated that area from the seating area behind. The lighting was gloomy and the walls were a dark red which just made the place seem cozier. From the stereo the Killers were singing 'Jenny was a friend of mine' from their album 'Hot Fuss'. We walked past the bar and moved towards the back where the area opened up into a seated area with a small stage in front of an empty fireplace. Books and guitars were attached to the stone wall above it. Looking up, I caught sight of feet through the railings which hinted that there was a top floor as well. Stairs led off at two points, one to the upstairs and another to the toilets.

We caught sight of Johnny sitting around a table with the others in front of the stage. Seemingly, despite everyone of them, bar Hitoshi, being underage, they had managed to get themselves drink. Glasses of beer and empty ones too, a couple of bottles of coke which probably had come with vodka and a few alcopops littered the table.

There were no seats around the table, in fact Shahero was sitting on Aspin's lap while Arista was on Sonia's and Ian and Enrique were sharing a stool. I crossed to Shahero and took a sip of her blue WKD.

"Hey, how did the fireworks go?"

"Aye, grand. You're probably seeing a few fireworks yourself."

She grinned. "Nah, not drunk enough yet."

I rolled my eyes. The fuck if I was carrying her home tonight. She could get Hitoshi to do that, he looked sober enough and not happy with it but he was driving so, tough shit on him. I'd reward him by letting him take care of Shahero. Not that she'd be happy about it but I wasn't planning on being in any better form.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Her blue eyes narrowed and I shrugged, looking up when Miyami tapped my shoulder and motioned to an empty booth hidden in an alcove by the stairs. I nodded and told Shahero where I was going, only to see her grab her drink and follow us.

"Because you're of age."

Kai growled at Tala but eventually nodded as I approached to stand beside Miyami. "What do you all want?"

"Vodka and lime for me." Miyami shouted over the music.

"I'll have another one of these." Shahero held up her drink and Kai nodded, turning to look at me.

"No thanks."

"Pineapple Bacardi." Shahero answered for me as I moved to sit in the booth. I didn't want him buying me a drink. At this point, I didn't even want to talk to the asshole. Shit, I hadn't even been mean to him. He was just being a malignant jerk.

"I'll go help you." Miyami offered and basically dragged him off.

I moved to sit opposite Shahero in the booth before grimacing. The seat was wet. Oh well, Kai could sit there for all I cared. I moved around to sit beside Shahero and noticed her look. "The seat's wet."

"What's wrong with you and Kai?"

"He called me a frigid bitch."

"He didn't mean it Amber." Tala said as he slid into the edge of the booth opposite us. He was randomly tapping on his phone and muttering something with a shake of his head.

"It sounded like he did. I'm not frigid. And he knows I'm not. In fact he's the only person who fucking knows anything and he-" I broke off, realizing I'd said too much. But it was the truth. Kai knew about Mystel, the whole story so why had he been so goddamn cruel to me about my attitude?

"I'm going to kill him."

Yeah, like that would help. I shouldn't even be bothered by his words. They were just words and it wasn't like Kai was my favorite person. But I thought we were beginning to get along and now this. What was wrong with him?

"He was just lashing out. You insulted him first."

"No I didn't. I simply pointed out that he had no room to talk about height. So what if the guy was seven foot-"

"Seven foot? Did he stamp on you?"

"Fuck you Shahero."

She flashed a grin and I felt some of my temper edge away. The guy had been pretty tall. Extremely tall in fact. Like giant tall. I was half the size of the guy, almost. That's not a good size to be.

Miyami and Kai returned with bottles and glasses. Setting them down on the table Miyami ushered Tala up on his seat and Kai dropped down in the seat beside ME! Me! ME the girl he just insulted! The one who is still pissed off with him. It's obvious that this guy doesn't have a brain!

I inched closer to Shahero and tried to ignore the line of warmth against my left thigh which seemed to be the most sensitive at that moment in time. Miyami scowled and rolled her body to glare down at the space she was sitting.

"This seat is wet."

Shahero jerked a shoulder. "Once you have enough drink in you, you won't even notice."

Miyami considered that before nodding and taking a gulp of her drink. Sometimes I just don't understand this attitude. Sure I don't mind the odd alcopop and I do enjoy the buzz but I never get out of my mind drunk. I did once and spent the entire time falling over myself or having a slanging match with a bush or laughing at my finger. It's really not that inspiring.

"One, two, one, two."

"Three, four; Say it with me now. Three, four."

I couldn't help the snicker that trembled through my body as Johnny began to help the vocalist testing the mike with his counting.

"Oh god, not again."

"What not again?" I wondered as Miyami rolled her eyes.

"Johnny is going to spend the entire night comparing his band to them. Last time, they completely put the bassist off."

"The guy was a robot. You cannot be in a rock band and have no personality."

"Too bad, Kai."

Kai looked over at me before sipping his drink coolly and continuing his conversation with Tala which I couldn't hear because they were bent close together and talking in low murmurs. Every so often, Tala would break away with a laugh before sipping his drink and moving closer.

A flicker of movement caught my attention and I looked up the stairs at the group coming in from the fire exit. Yay, people I recognize!

"Hey!"

The leader of the group raised a cool brow before leaning over the banister behind Miyami's head. "Hey. How're you?"

"Not so bad. Yourself?"

"Ruin, don't you know you're supposed to dress up on Halloween? Oh wait, that is your costume."

Ruin shot Tala a baleful glare. "What are you? A Bee Gee's Reject?"

"With his voice he could certainly pass for one." Brooklyn snickered as he joined Ruin at the banister, which surprised me because I didn't think he and Ruin were together but then again, maybe they could still be friends. Go them and their mature outlook.

"Brooklyn, don't you have a blonde to fall on somewhere?" Shahero asked with barely concealed venom.

O-K. This is a rather awkward conversation. Brooklyn dismissed her comment and looked at me. "You ok?"

"Fine, yeah."

I nodded as Ruin motioned to Brook that they were going to find a seat, she looked over to me and waved before she headed down the stairs and meandered through the tables. Man she's cool. I wished I could have an ounce of her dignity but alas, I would always be known as the oh so chipper one.

"Do you want a lift home tonight?"

I froze. Oh shit. Do I stay here with my friends or go with Brooklyn who… well I feel really comfortable with?

"She's fine. Kai'll give her a lift home, right?" Tala spoke up, looking to his spaced out friend who glanced round the table, lingering on my face for a moment longer than necessary before he nodded abruptly.

That decides it. Brooklyn it is. "That's ok, Kai, I don't want to put you out or anything."

"Sure Hitoshi is going to be leaving me home." Shahero pointed out, her voice going bitter on Hitoshi's name.

"You can crash at Kai's." Miyami offered. "We always do."

"Ok, sure Hitoshi will be leaving me at Kai's. It won't be putting anyone out if you tagged along."

"I know but…" What was I supposed to say? I couldn't choose between them. I knew they didn't like Brooklyn but I did. Oh god, I'm going to wash my mouth out with soap and water but I did like Brooklyn. I wasn't happy about it but Brooklyn was someone I could trust. He had been there at a crucial time in my life. I couldn't just pick someone over him.

I could feel everyone staring at me and I was beginning to really feel uncomfortable. In fact I was beginning to feel light headed and sick. Not a good combination with alcohol swimming in my blood.

"Let her go with him." Kai growled without looking at any of us, instead he just stared moodily into the remainder of his beer.

"Will you be going soon?"

Brooklyn shrugged rubbing his chin. "I suppose in an hour or so. Why you tired?"

"I kind of am."

He nodded. "Fine. Come over when you wanna go."

"Thanks."

He moved off into the crowd, nodding and bending over people he knew to talk to them while the band started up playing something by REM.

"Amber, are you sure you don't want to crash with us?"

"No… I um…"

"Leave her alone. If she doesn't want to hang with us, then leave it." Kai growled.

Why do I think I've pissed him off? I shouldn't have. He's the one who always, always makes me feel unwelcome around him and his friends. He called me a frigid bitch, not the other way round. He sucked my finger! Not the other way round. In fact I've been darn nice to him and he's been nothing but a jerk and now he's upset that I don't want to hang around with him? What does he expect? I'm not mother Teresa and I will not take shit from anyone… except maybe… I dunno, I'm sure I've taken shit from someone but not from Kai 'I think I'm so good' Hiwatari. Who's middle name is Nicolai. Yeah, I know his middle name… I need to stop knowing things about him.

"It's not that. It's just I rarely ever see Brooklyn and I hardly get to talk to Ruin because you all treat like crap and I'm sorry, but I think Ruin's dead on and Brooklyn and I have known each other for years. He was my boyfriend's best friend, I think that means I know him just a little better than you all do. So excuse me, but I'm going to talk to him." I stood up and grabbed my drink, turning and waiting for Kai to get up. He did and moved out of the booth so I could pass him with ease.

"Are you always going to choose your past over your present?"

I froze as Kai's hot breath tickled my ear as his deep voice reverberated through my body. I shook off his comment and headed for Brooklyn's corner booth just as Miyami asked Shahero about my boyfriend. Oops. Probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Oh well, I'll deal with that once I get back to school if I have to. Right now, I was more interested in hanging out with Brooklyn and Ruin who were sitting with Garland, Li Tanaka and Hitoshi funnily enough. Not your most usual group.

"You decided to join us?"

"Hey!" I greeted them chipperly, waving to Li and causing him to roll his eyes. Years and years of annoying him at every sleep over, school afternoon and summer -basically every day of his life- had caused him to become weary of me. Too bad. But he's bound to have missed me. Imagine months without me in his life. It had to be desolating.

"Hey Li!"

"Amber. How are you?"

"God so formal, Li. Once upon a time I was just like your little sister."

"You still are like my little sister. You're both crack heads."

"LI! That's just cruel. I have at least two more brain cells than Mariah does." I exclaimed making a 'v' gesture with my fingers.

"She sounds so proud of that fact." Hitoshi murmured to Brooklyn who smirked.

"I am proud." I retorted, rolling my shoulders and resisted the urge to scratch the phantom itch between my shoulder blades. "Is Hiwatari glaring at me?"

Brooklyn nonchalantly lifted his gaze to sweep the room before he took a drink from his pint glass and nodded. "Yeah. Why?" He asked not even bothering to look at me, but instead focusing on the people moving towards and from the bathroom stair case.

"He seems to have taken it personally that I came to sit over here." I grumbled.

Brooklyn rolled his eyes and shifted closer to me, motioning for me to lean in. "Be careful with him. He's… Just be careful around him."

Um… K. Before I could form a response to that a familiar song burst from the guitarist and I perked up. "Hey, Brook do you know that song?"

Brooklyn frowned then nodded with a roll of his eyes. "Yeah, we tried singing that once." He explained to the table who all listened which was interesting. Brooklyn really seemed to be respected amongst these people. It was strange and at the same time, seemed natural. During his teenage years, he was rather awkward, prone to his dark moods but he has this natural grace that people tend to admire. He always had this natural skill and everyone envied that but he never did himself any favors when he was conceited about his talents but he seems to have mellowed since Mystel died. I guess death puts a lot of things in perspective.

"Key word, tried."

He snorted amused. "Yeah it was pretty embarrassing."

I grinned and then looked up when Ruin nudged Brooklyn who looked over the room. He looked to me and motioned to look as well.

"Is that Mariam Magee?"

I frowned at the bluenette sitting on Kai's knee and nodded dumbly. I didn't expect anyone to be that cosy with Kai. Maybe they were dating. He certainly seemed to have no problems with her being there and then his eyes met mine and I looked away. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"That's her. How does she know them?"

"She was in the year ahead of us." Ruin informed me. Oh right she went to boarding school. I never linked Tori Comprehensive with Mariam for some reason though I knew it had boarding students. Ming-Ming was one.

"So she was in your year Hitoshi?"

Hitoshi leaned over the table and I had to repeat what I said over the music before he nodded. "She and Kai dated for a year and then broke up, they're still friends though."

I nodded processing the information. This was good. Mariam was my friend from Band. Technically she was more Mystel and Max's friend than mine. But through them, I got to know her better and our friendship grew from there. But since she dated Kai, that meant I might finally figure out what went on in his head.

I snuck a glance back and as though she felt me looking, she met my gaze and her face lit up. She beckoned me over and I shook my head, which got awkward when I noticed the rest of the table had turned to look and see who Mariam was talking to. With a sigh, I got to my feet, told Brooklyn were I was going before I walked back over to the table.

"Amber! Lovely Amber." Mariam must have had a couple of drinks in her. She's only this jovial with alcohol, the rest of the time she was a kick ass bitch who wouldn't dream of hugging me. Though I had to admit, her perfume was nice.

"Where's Mari?" Oh so tipsy. She always called Mariah, Mariah because she joked that Mari had been her nickname first, her being older than me and Mariah being younger still.

"Grounded at home."

"Really? I'll have to have a word with Li-Li." Really, really tipsy.

"Li-Li is over there."

"So? Oh do you know my friend Kai? And that's Miyami, and Shahero and that guy there is Tala and this is Kai!"

I waved mindlessly at them, really unable to drag my gaze away from really-really-tipsy Mariam.

"OH! Brooklyn!! I can see Brooklyn!"

Oh god, Mariam's voice should not squeak like that. "Considering he's just sitting over there, I'm sure you can."

She reached up and tugged me down to her, almost smashing my head against Kai's nose only he moved at the last second so instead he was breathing on my hair and Mariam was talking to my chest. "Do I like Brooklyn?" She asked in a stage whisper.

"I don't know."

"Neither do I. Sometimes I don't like him. Oh-" Oh not another 'Oh'.

Miyami was chuckling in the corner while Shahero talked animatedly to her about something. Suddenly a hand closed about my waist and I was pulled down onto Tala's lap. Hello!

"I was getting fed up looking at your ass."

I angled my head to glare at him. "Are you complaining about my ass?"

"No it's a cute ass but I didn't want it in my face."

Before I could reply Mariam bellowed: "Good, you and Tala make a great couple."

Oh god. I turned and covered my burning face with my hand. This is so beyond awkward. This is why I never talk to drunk people unless I'm drunk and since I'm rarely drunk… well you do the math.

"You should kiss her."

I looked startled at Tala who grinned but when he leaned in, I pushed him gently back. "I don't think so."

"Why not? Don't you like Tala?"

"Yeah in a friend way."

"Oh. Someone needs to kiss. Everyone will be happy if they kiss."

"How many drinks have you had?"

Mariam contemplated this then shrugged. "Not enough. The night is young."

"It's like after eleven."

"Yeah but eleven is young. We're eighteen."

"You're eighteen. I'm only seventeen."

"But that's years older then eleven."

"Maybe you should cut down 'Riam." Kai commented, taking the bottle she was waving about gently from her hand.

She nodded seriously. "Wanna dance?"

"There's no dance floor." He replied, outmaneuvering her hands that were trying to grab him to pull him out to dance. He batted one away and glared at her but there was a patience to it. "You don't like dancing Riam."

"I had a bad week at college. My lecturer hates me. I don't like Dublin. It's so big and… Amber, why do I never see you anymore?"

"I moved to Ballykuten Mariam and you're in Dublin."

"Dublin is such a hell hole. Capital city my arse."

"Well if you want to call your arse the capital city then ok." I gave her two thumbs up and Tala shook with laughter under me.

Mariam nodded determinedly then pushed up from Kai, lurching slightly towards the booth I had been sitting at. Poor guys were going to have to put up with a really drunk Mariam. I felt bad for her. It's not good that she doesn't like her university.

"What's she studying?" Kai asked me.

"She's at the teacher training college."

"It's too bad she doesn't like it." Tala mused.

"Yeah but it's only the first term. Maybe things will get better after a while. Technically I just don't think she likes the crowds and there are more girls in that school than boys and Mariam and girls never really got along." That's not to say that Mariam's a slut, she's anything but. She just has a brother and male cousins so she's just more comfortable with boys. So am I to an extent.

"How do you know her?"

"She's from Rathglen."

Wow my voice just got really deep and smooth. No wait that was Kai. My bad. I turned to berate him when I caught his expression of concern. I looked over my shoulder to see Mariam dash up the stairs and I sighed, getting up to chase after her. God knows what could happen to her.

An hour later, Brooklyn pulled up to the Rathglen cemetery gates. Why were we here you ask? Because after holding Mariam's hair back for her while she upchucked, I took her down and Hitoshi offered to drive her home. Shahero taking my place in Kai's car. It was as I was turning to head back into the pub that I saw Mystel standing on the pavement with a worried expression. Just as I was about to ask him what was up, he flickered once, twice, three times then was gone. Just gone.

I couldn't hear him. I couldn't see him. I couldn't feel him anymore. He was just gone.

So I had righteously freaked out big time, before I ran into the pub to get Brooklyn much to the concern of my friends. I mean a crazy woman runs into your pub bawling her eyes out, you'd get a little worried too. However, Brooklyn calmed them down and offered to take me home. Not impressing Tala or Shahero who were adamant that I stay with them until Brooklyn said Mystels' name to Shahero. She had backed off and took the others with her.

To be honest, we didn't know where to look for him but something in me kept hinting at his grave. I didn't think it would hurt to investigate so Brooklyn and I got into his car and he drove us the half hour trip to Rathglen's graveyard. Which was where we were now, staring at the prim white country church, the brown oak doors, black iron gates and white washed wall.

"Can you feel him?"

"Honestly… no." I whispered, trying to keep myself calm but it took effort. Everything inside me was clawing at me, ripping me to shreds, demanding that I release the emotions pounding at me. I folded my arms across my chest in an attempt to stop my ribs from shattering under the overwhelming emotions. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms but it wasn't enough to beat back the bone chilling numbness sweeping through me. If Mystel was gone, what would I do?

We stepped through the gates, the creaking sound echoing through the empty cemetery cloaked in darkness. The only light came from the pale moon that was edging out from behind a cloud and the orange lights in the grass that were angled up at the church. I swallowed hard, not liking the atmosphere or the way goosebumps prickled my flesh. During the day this place is so tranquil and lovely but tonight it was cold and sharp.

"What if he's not here?" I voiced the question that had been plaguing me during the journey. What if he was gone forever? I didn't think I could cope losing him again. Not so suddenly. I knew he would have to go sometime but not now. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

"There's not much point thinking about that." Brooklyn replied grimly as he led me around the side of the church.

My feet slipped on the wet tarmac and somewhere close an owl hooted while a bat fluttered through the night sky. It was so strange to be here at night. Especially on All Hallows Eve. I inched closer to Brooklyn for security. He didn't seem at all spooked until he came to an abrupt halt. With hope warring against fear, I stepped around him and stared at where Mystels' grave was positioned beside his grandparents.

I felt the tears rise, felt my chest constrict violently as I stared at the empty space. Hesitantly I stepped forward, scanning the near by graves but there was nothing. Mystel was gone. He was really gone. And I was left behind.

"Is he there?"

A whimper passed my lips as I felt my heart break all over again and I fell back against Brooklyn. How could I tell him that Mystel was really gone? After everything, he had grieved Mystel but I was the one who hadn't let go. I was the one who made him believe Mystel was there and now… now he would have to grieve his friend again. All because I couldn't just keep it to myself. I felt a shudder wrack his body and I turned in his arms as he held me tightly. A swell of grief washed over me, sweeping me along in its undercurrents.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't stop the tears.

Mystel was gone. Mystel was really gone.

"Uh, Amber, I think something's wrong."

I looked up at Brooklyn, then slowly turned to look at what had made him pale so significantly. Oh god. "Oh my god."

Mystel stood before me in front of his graveyard looking distraught as he stared at us with beseeching eyes. "I don't know what's wrong?"

"You're…"

"Oh my god."

"I don't Gods going to be able help." Brooklyn bit out roughly, his voice choked with emotion.

Mystel just continued to stare at us. "I'm…"

"Yeah you're…"

"Alive." I whispered, breaking away from Brooklyn to approach him slowly, sure my eyes were playing tricks. It had to be just wishful thinking but he looked so solid and I could feel his presence not in my head but here in the graveyard. "Oh my god."

"Stop saying that. What's going on?"

"I don't know, Brooklyn." I snapped peevishly. I didn't know anymore than he did. I had just been grieving my boyfriend's death again and here he was, standing in front of us looking as alive as I was. Oh wow. "Wait a minute," I started, whirling on Brooklyn. "You can see him?"

"Considering he's standing right there." Brooklyn growled, eyes flashing. I didn't know why he was so pissed then again, believing his friend's a ghost and then seeing his friend pretty alive would have been a shock to anyone I suppose.

"Oh wow." I whispered looking back at Mystel. He looked so good. So alive. So bright and shiny that I just had to touch him. I reached tentatively afraid he would disappear. As though sensing my fear, he caught my hand and I jolted at the heat of his hand. It was so firm and large and warm. So warm with blood and life.

Another whimper passed my lips and I covered my mouth embarrassed but oh… I sucked in a shuddering breath and continued to greedily take in every nuance of him. He was trembling and his eyes were shimmering with tears. Oh god.

I suddenly was pressed against him, nuzzling his neck, breathing in the scent of him and feeling the length of his body against mine. He felt so good. So alive. I keep saying that but since he had been dead for almost nine months, I think I had a reason to. His skin was so soft and smooth and hot and his hair, I loved his hair. I squeezed him tighter and felt him reciprocate before he nudged me back and sought my lips. Mmm… The kiss was just as I remembered and had longed for, for so long. Sweet, fresh and deliberate without being forceful. His hands were feather light on my waist as he held me to him, no need for pressure, no fear that I would pull away. Not that he had to worry, I eagerly responded, tasting every space of his mouth, nipping at the firmness of his lips. My Mystel.

We broke apart for air and the sound of him breathing was like music to my ears. I nuzzled his shoulder again to stop him from seeing the tears. I didn't want to ruin the moment. He was alive. A sound behind me caught my attention and I looked over my shoulder. Brooklyn stood there awkwardly and my heart went out to him. I caught Mystel's look and nodded, moving out of his arms -though it was so hard- to allow Brooklyn some space.

He looked nervously between the two of us, almost unsure what to say or do before Mystel smiled at him and that was all it took. In a few strides, Brooklyn had him wrapped in a hug that made my heart ache. I had spent so much time believing I was the only one hurting but Brooklyn was probably worse than I was. Mystel had been his brother as well as his friend, and seeing him there hugging Mystel and shaking violently, I realized that everything I had felt, Brooklyn had felt too but he hadn't had the luxury of being able to talk to Mystel the way I did.

But that brought other questions to mind. What had happened? Why was Mystel… alive? I saw him die. I was there when he fell. He couldn't just come back from the dead. It was impossible. But I held my tongue. Now wasn't the time to ask these questions.

"How did this happen?" Or maybe it was, I thought dryly as Brooklyn pulled back to stare down at Mystel. "How are you here?"

Mystel shrugged and moved over to the gravestone with his name engraved. Now that's morbid. I mean seriously, that's pretty insensitive. Reminding us he's dead while being alive? Tit. "I don't know. I just felt so strange and light-"

"Considering you were a ghost, that's not such a big difference."

"Yeah and you were pretty puny as a human." Brooklyn added and I knew he was trying to lighten the moment, though there were still traces of tears on his cheeks but I didn't see them. Nope, they didn't exist at all.

"Oh that's very mature." Mystel said with a roll of his beautiful blue eyes. "Anyway the last thing I remembered was seeing Amber on the street and then… well I woke up here."

"Like that?"

He nodded. "Like this."

"Does your neck hurt?"

He shook his head. "Actually, I don't feel much. I don't feel cold. I don't feel hungry but I would kill for something to eat. I miss food. I miss tasting food. I would kill for some food."

Brooklyn rolled his eyes and pulled out a bar from the inside of his white jacket. Oh and Brooklyn dressed up for Halloween. White three quarter length jacket and white trousers with black wings. Reason? He's a fallen angel… Uh, don't ask. It was Ruin's idea. Supposedly Garland had been dressed as a body builder, I didn't really notice that. He had on a tight fitting tank and loose black pants but that didn't scream body builder to me and Li was some traditional Chinese dude with sandals and a lot of bandages. Again, don't ask.

He handed Mystel the chocolate bar which he unwrapped feverishly before he took a bite of it, closing his eyes in pure bliss.

"Great, when you're through having your orgasmic experience, would you finish your story?"

I snickered at Brooklyn's dry quip, flushing when Mystel met my eyes. Then I sobered when a thought occurred. "Why didn't we see you earlier?"

"I hid. Seemed like the logical thing to do. I couldn't exactly go wandering about, Ams, people think I'm dead."

I refrained from saying that he was dead. Though technically now he wasn't. How were we going to explain this?

"How long will it last?"

Mystel frowned at Brooklyn's question but it was a reasonable one, one that did need an answer. "You think it won't last?"

Brooklyn sighed with a shrug. "How long has it been since you woke up here?"

"Twenty minutes now I guess, maybe longer."

Brooklyn turned his wrist to look at his watch. "So you changed around midnight?"

"You think it has something to do with Halloween?" I blurted out, unable to stop myself. That was a pretty farfetched leap to make by our levelheaded Brooklyn. "Don't get me wrong, I believe there's magic in Halloween but to change Mystel into a living, breathing person?"

"Maybe he's not quite living and breathing. I hate to point this out but your grave is undisturbed."

"Meaning?"

I frowned, trying to figure out what Brooklyn was trying to tactfully point out. Oh. Oh! Right, usually when a corpse was raised from the dead, the grave was messed up. You see evidence of this in Buffy and most especially in The Crow where Eric comes back from the dead to avenge his and his wife's murder. However, somehow I found it difficult to believe that Mystel was coming back from the dead to avenge himself. I mean, he died in an accident. And he wasn't a vampire either. "So you think his body is still down there?"

Brooklyn shrugged but I got the meaning. He did think that, he just didn't want to say so in front of Mystel.

"So you're saying that he's not alive? That this isn't real?" I stalked over to Mystel and yanked him to his feet and shoved him in front of Brooklyn. "Doesn't he look real to you? Doesn't he feel real?"

"I'm just trying to see this for what it really is. I don't want you two getting your hopes up."

Mystel ducked his head and I wanted to hit Brooklyn for disappointing him like this, then he sighed heavily. "I guess Brooklyn makes a point. I don't feel like this is real. Something feels off to me. Maybe this is a gift while the spirit world is close. Maybe this is my chance to say a proper goodbye."

"Then your parents should be here and other people too."

"I don't think I have much time."

"This sucks."

Mystel chuckled softly but that didn't disguise the pain in his eyes. He had wanted to believe that it was real, that he was alive but people didn't come back from the dead. Not even special people who didn't deserve to die.

"Why would someone, say a higher power, allow you to come back now? I mean, you've been haunting me for ages and… Why have you been haunting me?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just… I was just here one day. I don't remember anything before hand apart from the day I died."

"So there's no pearly gates?"

He jerked a shoulder looking suddenly lost and confused. I caught his hand and rubbed the soft inside of his wrist with my thumb. I couldn't stop touching him. It had been so long since I had.

"Would you stop nuzzling him?"

"He smells good and warm." I muttered embarrassedly, pulling back from Mystels' neck to glare at Brooklyn.

Mystel chuckled and slipped his arm around me which was nice but I couldn't hold his hand anymore. I scowled and reached over for his other hand, causing Brooklyn to roll his eyes. "You're worse than before."

"Shut it."

"I just don't get why you came back. I understand you didn't get to say goodbye but you're more vocal than most ghosts and you're completely visible to Amber who's never seen a ghost before in her life so it's not as though she's got any special powers."

"I was his girlfriend."

"Yeah and I was his friend, his brother and his parents adored him. You're not more important than we are. We miss him just as much."

Hello, little green eyed monster!

"Maybe I do have a reason for staying around."

"What?"

"I just don't know."

"Fine, we find out."

I scowled at that. "No, we don't. If he doesn't go back to being a ghost, then fine, we'll look. If he does go back to being a ghost, we so will not."

"Why not? Don't you want to know why he's sticking around?"

"I don't care. Point is he's here and if you find out why, he'll go. I don't want that, you insensitive prick."

"And while he's stuck, you'll grow old and die and leave him on his own."

"So I'll become a ghost too."

"Amber!" He growled while I shivered as a nippy breeze picked up, blowing through my still damp clothes. "Let's discuss this in the car. It'll be warmer there."

Who died and made him the leader? I leaned into Mystel as we walked back around the church, casually looking out for cars but this late at night it was rare for anything to come down this road.

"You smell nice."

I chuckled softly at Mystel's comment before stiffening when he gasped. I grabbed him as he stumbled, hands falling in front of him to catch himself if he fell. "Mystel!"

Brooklyn whipped round and came back to us, taking Mystel over to the church to sit him down by the wall.

"Is he dying?" Oh please don't let him be dying. I don't want him to die. Please don't let him die. Not again.

Mystel shook his head and held up a hand. "I'm ok… I'm-" He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. "Okay. I'm ok."

"What happened?"

"I dunno. It just seemed the closer I got to the gates, the more out of breath I became and these spots started dancing in front of my eyes and it was just like before."

I exchanged a worried look with Brooklyn. Shit hell. What were we going to do?

"Sounds like we're not leaving the graveyard."

"But we can't stay here all the time. Mystel can't stay here forever. People will get freaked out."

"If there is a man upstairs, this seems like a really stupid situation to me." Mystel sighed, slumping back and resting his head against the pebble-dashed wall as stared up at the sky. I sat down beside him.

"Yeah, the least he could have done was give you an instruction manual."

"I thought you didn't believe in the man upstairs."

"Piss off Brooky."

"Don't fight."

"Right, we're wasting time. Ok, so Mystel turned into a pumpkin at midnight, no wait that was Cinderella. Ok you turned human at midnight. You can't leave the graveyard and… what is the point of this?"

"To say goodbye."

"No, that's not the point. There's something we're missing."

"If there is a big plan, which there probably isn't, Benson. You're reading way too much into this."

"Just like I was imagining Mystel haunting me. Well he's sitting right there so tell me if I'm imagining him!"

"Fine." Brooklyn bit out before stalking away and swinging back to us. "But I don't think there's any hidden motives. We've just been mixed up in a freaky little scene and-"

"My god, you think we've crashed and are now hallucinating in our coma's."

Brooklyn's eyes darkened and I knew coma was a bad word to say. Mystel jerked a shoulder drawing our attention back to him. "I didn't hallucinate in mine, but I heard you two talking to me. And mum and Dad. They're not so close anymore. I've been watching. They blame themselves and each other. They won't communicate."

"Oh! Maybe you came back to tell us that… no wait you could have told me that before. How come you never told me that?" I glared at him peeved before dismissing the question with a wave of my hand. "Ok, so maybe it's Brooklyn you have something to say to. Do you want something from him?"

Mystel shook his head in pure bewilderment. "Maybe it's just a freak Halloween thing."

"If it's one of those Halloween Midnight things, then it'll be over at one."

"Like the man in the mirror?" There's this folklore that if you look into a mirror at midnight on Halloween with a candle, you'll see the man you're going to marry. Since I'm freaked about seeing anything in a mirror on Halloween, I have not tested that theory and am unlikely to. Too many weird things have been happening recently to risk it.

"If you want. So that gives us roughly 10 minutes before you… well do whatever you're going to do."

"Don't die." I growled.

Mystel smiled weakly at me and sighed. "I don't know what's going on. Part of me just wants to… I just want some kind of closure. If I'm dead, then I want to move on. I can't remain in limbo forever."

"But you're with me."

"You won't always be satisfied with that. You need more."

Brooklyn shot me a look as I went to retort and the words froze on the tip of my tongue. It was unfair for Mystel to have to watch me move on while he stayed in the same place, or limbo.

"I guess you're right. But there must be a reason you're not moving on Mystel. I guess we have to find out what it is."

"But how? Where do you start?"

"I don't know." I reached up and stroked his cheek the way I had wanted to for so long and he smiled at me, one of those beautiful smiles that made me warm inside.

"We'll figure it out." Brooklyn mused as he settled himself down onto the ground beside us.

Silently we sat there, each of us holding Mystels' hand as we gazed up at the night sky. Lost in thoughts of what was going on, we didn't notice the time slipping past us until Mystel groaned.

"Oh no."

Not again. It was too soon. Far too soon. Couldn't he have another hour? This was hardly enough time. I had things I wanted to do. Things I wanted to say.

Mystel grimaced and pressed a hand to his stomach. Brooklyn rose to his hunkers, watching Mystel fearfully. I shifted onto my feet as well, crouching low to keep an eye on Mystel. Maybe if we both held onto him, he wouldn't be able to leave us. He couldn't change into a ghost with both of us holding him, could he?

"This isn't fair."

Brooklyn and Mystel looked at me, probably as surprised as I was. I didn't even realize I had spoken until the words popped out of my mouth and then suddenly, they were there hanging in the air that tasted of rain. Mystel silently nodded, getting to his feet with Brooklyn's help. He shuffled over to me and his arms came around me, as I hugged him as though my entire life depended on hanging onto him, which I guess it did.

"I know." He whispered into my hair, tickling the strands on my neck. I choked back a sob and gripped him tighter. "Things will turn out for the best. We just have to be positive."

"Well I can at least rely on you to be that." He was the most upbeat person I knew. Even death didn't get him down. That had to say something.

"Three minutes."

Mystel tilted my head up and kissed me hard on the mouth, so hard my lips vibrated with the force of it. I kissed him back before he broke it quickly.

"I miss you." I whispered against his lips.

"I love you." Already he was beginning to feel strange in my arms. I backed away from him and allowed Brooklyn to give him one of those manly one arms hugs complete with back slapping.

"Take care Brook and try talking to her."

"I don't know-" At Mystel's pointed look, Brooklyn sighed and rolled his shoulders gallantly. "I'll try."

Should I tell Arista that Brooklyn's being advised by a ghost to talk to her? Or should I just tell her that Brooklyn wants to talk to her? I should probably tell her nothing. It's their problem after all. Instead I have my own ones, such as my beautiful, gorgeous boyfriend fading away before us. Silver trails of tears slid silently down Brooklyn's face and I could almost hear his heart breaking again. Poor, poor Brooklyn.

I looked down as a hand gripped mine and I looked up at Brooklyn and tightened my grasp to try and offer him some comfort as Mystel began to disappear before our eyes. I was choked by the tears that threatened to fall, biting my lip to suffocate any sobs that wanted to break free. It hurt to see the wall through him. It hurt to see him become more and more transparent.

And then with a small wry smile, he was gone. Just gone. After so long, after everything he was finally gone and- What would I do now? How was I supposed to just go home and pretend everything was normal again? Mum had brought me to Ballykuten in the hopes that all the memories wouldn't haunt me but here I was losing Mystel all over again. And I just couldn't cope. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Why now? I wasn't ready yet. Didn't anyone understand that? I needed Mystel. He was my everything and I had him even after death and it still wasn't enough. Maybe it never would have been.

Maybe that was the point. He never did get to say goodbye to us. Now that he had, I guess, his life was finally over. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

"You ok?"

"Not really." I whispered, unaware that my voice could sound so soft and tiny. I felt empty and cold and so lost, abandoned I suppose but I couldn't tell Brooklyn that. I had pulled him into this mess, it really wasn't fair to him but it seemed like such a good idea at the time. I obviously never thought the whole thing through, too pleased with the fact that I had Mystel back and now we were both suffering from his loss. Again.

A cloud eclipsed the moon and cast the grave into gloomy darkness but still we stood there, even as the rain began to fall, first one drop, then another until a soft curtain was shifting over the countryside around us.

"We should probably go."

"Yeah." And it was as if it hadn't happened or maybe it was because we were both too numb and in shock to talk about it. We turned slowly back towards the gate, our feet making scuffing sounds against the slippery wet tarmac. I shivered slightly as the breeze picked up and wet rivulets trickled down my scalp and my face. The entire graveyard felt empty and void of life. The dead don't have a presence, well not the truly dead.

"What do we do now?" I wondered as I strapped on the seatbelt.

"We go back to the way thing were." Brooklyn replied.

"And you can just do that? Move on and forget what just happened? It's not fair. He was human for just another hour and why? Who controls those things?"

"Amber, just leave it." Brooklyn ordered, switching on the ignition and slipping the car into the first gear, before he lifted the handbrake and eased the car away from the cemetery.

If you believe in God, you could say it was part of his grand scheme. Doesn't he have one for everyone? It would just be easier to complete if he would give everyone an instruction sheet. But if you don't believe in God then what? Something, a higher power somewhere is controlling things and they, he/she, whoever, helped Mystel come back in the first place and in turn helped him become real and solid for that one hour. Mystel certainly didn't do it. He didn't even know how it happened.

And why? What was the purpose? There must be a reason, mustn't there? It just seems so unfair that someone was playing with our lives, or emotions for kicks? Or was there? I just didn't know what to believe. Everything just seemed so pointless and unfair. How did I just go back to normal after everything that had happened?

"You just have to go on, Ams."

I whipped round and there he was sitting in the middle of the back seat, arms propped on ours and eyes watching me soberly with the hint of a smile.

"MYSTEL!"

What?!" Brooklyn's head looked round so fast I'm sure he snapped it before he yanked the car onto the shoulder of the road, catching the bottom on a large sod of grass. "

"He's back." I choked out, drinking in the sight of my ghostly boyfriend. I glanced over to Brooklyn and watched his eyes scan the backseat and my heart broke. He still couldn't see him. Why? It wasn't fair to Brooklyn. Didn't he deserve to see Mystel? Why did he just have to act on blind faith?

Then Brooklyn's eyes seemed to focus on the spot where Mystels' head was and his face turned as white as a sheet. Oh god. He could see him. I could swear it.

"Can you see him?"

"NO!" Brooklyn snapped out a little frantically, snapping back around in his seat to clutch the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip.

"You can!"

"No I cannot. This is not normal."

He really could. This is great. This is amazing and judging by Mystel's gaze he couldn't quite believe it as he stared at his best friend.

"Hate to break it to you, but we're not normal. And you handled your dead best friend coming back to life for an hour better than you're handling seeing his ghost."

"Stop calling him dead!" Brooklyn shouted.

"Um, Brooklyn, I kind of am."

Not kind of, you are dead.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it."

Yeah that was true. But Brooklyn could see him. Maybe that was the reason he came back to life so that he could become a ghost that Brooklyn could see. Maybe it was like a leveling up thing.

"I'm not a pokémon."

I saw Brooklyn cringe and sighed. "Look, Brooklyn Mystel can hear my thoughts so yeah, he's going to blurt out random things. I thought he was a figment of my imagination so I got into the habit of thinking things to him but…" He couldn't be in my imagination because Brooklyn could see him and he was solid for an hour. I grinned and began to clap giddily. Unable to help the emotional outburst. Then I sobered.

"How are you feeling anyway?"

Mystel seemed to consider that for a moment. "Honestly, I don't know how to feel. I suppose it will hit me in a few days. I was human and I could feel and touch and now that's all gone. I miss it and I feel like I've been hard done by but at the same time… Amber, I think there's a reason I'm here. There has to be."

"But what is it?" Brooklyn finally asked, turning round after parking the car and putting on the hazard lights.

"I don't know. Yet."

"Well usually ghosts come back because they have something left to do."

"But what have I left to do? I basically achieved anything I wanted to. I found love, everyone wants that no matter how cynical they are. I was happy. I got good grades. I had a good relationship with my parents."

"Your parents. Maybe you've come back to get them to communicate again."

"I guess. But like you said, I could have gotten you to do that before."

"It never occurred to you that to pass over you would have to make them happy again." Ok yeah, even to me that sounded a little too Walt Disney to my ears but what else could it be? "Oh I don't know."

Brooklyn sighed and rested his head back against the head rest. "It just seems like it should be a little more complicated than that."

"Fixing a marriage is complicated. Look at my parents."

"Yeah but… Maybe you're right."

"You're just trying to make it more important than it might need to be. Maybe it really is as simple as fixing their marriage and Mystel gets to move on." I really didn't like the idea of that but he couldn't haunt me forever. I would eventually grow up and die and- "Hey maybe I'm going to die and you're here to guide m- OW! Fuck you Brooklyn."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that!"

My face grew hot under his violent cold words and my arms felt sore and bruised under his strong grip but dumbly I nodded, vaguely understanding in the back of my stunned mind that he was upset with my careless -but perfectly plausible- words.

"She didn't mean it Brook. You know Ams, she always speaks before thinking." Mystel soothed the savage beast and slowly his grip eased and I slumped against my seat feeling severely berated. It wasn't as though I meant to upset Brooklyn. I honestly didn't. I didn't know he'd react like that to me dying.

"You don't get to cop out like that Benson and if you even think of taking the easy-"

Oh hello. "I'm not thinking of committing-"

"way out. You're not the only one who-"

"suicide."

"You think of killing yourself?" Mystel demanded, eyes wide and shocked. I gaped at him then stared at Brooklyn. Surely he wouldn't. He couldn't. Oh god. How hadn't I known.

"I did. But I'm over that now."

You don't get over thinking about suicide. If you think about it once, it's like a cancer that eats at you and though you might beat it, there's always the chance that it might come back. And Brooklyn had this cancer and he never told me. How could I not have noticed? Because I had been too wrapped up in my own world. My own grief, my surprise that Mystel had come back, my new school and new friends and I had abandoned him. I was worse than Mystel. He didn't have a choice. I did. I was a horrible person.

"Look, I'm not going to kill myself."

"No, you're not. Because I'm going to be watching both of you so that both of you have a long life with families and everything I wanted. If I can't have it, I'll live vicariously through you two."

Maybe that was why Mystel came back, to make sure me and Brooklyn didn't follow him into an early grave. If so, that was a pretty good deal. At least he could keep an eye on Brooklyn and he'd have someone else to keep him company. But I'd miss being the only one who could see him. It had made me feel special but what ever made Mystel happy made me happy. And in the end that's what mattered.

Forty five minutes later, Brooklyn dropped me off at my house and for the first time in a long time, I went to sleep on my own because Mystel wanted to do some catching up with Brooklyn. I guess me and my little teddy pj's can't compete with boy talk. But somehow, I would find out what made Mystel come back and I'd do whatever I could to help him out. He'd do the same for me. There was no room for selfishness, not if it hurt one of the people I loved.

Yeah, I know this is beyond late but... I'm sorry. This is an extra long chapter so you should be happy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Review please and let me know if you understand anything that I wrote.