Of Dorks and Blockheads

by Ballz Mahoney

Once again the Peanuts gang is forced to go to summer camp. This year however they are forced to attend the same camp as a group of kids from a certain cul-de-sac. Obviously things don't get off to a good start.

11. Chapter 7

Of Dorks and Blockheads

by Sean Mahoney

The Great Ed!

Chapter 7

They're From Lemon Brook, Charlie Brown!

It isn't right. That's all Thibault could think since his miserable stay at this camp had begun. He had tried to establish himself as top dog and it all came crumbling around him. Nobody respected him. He was left to rot at the hands of those foul Kanker girls. Both groups of campers would have nothing to do with him.

He seethed in hatred as he walked through the woods. Patty and Violet, those no good bimbos never liked him. He hated how much influence they wielded. Bitches like them had no place keeping an alpha like him in check; their kind was only good for two things anyway. They had quickly sank their harpy like fangs into the necks of the popular crowd of these Peach Creekers too. That dumb jock Kevin would do anything they asked. And that other piece of foreign trash that came to Marcie's defense.

Thibault entered the boundaries of the camp grounds, he watched as some argument was occurring with that butch cow, Peppermint Patty, and the Ed boys. The Ed boys were fairly marginalized as well...especially the short one. Thibault had paid attention to Eddy. He seemed to have lot of anger pent up inside. And if anything he said about his brother in his angry rantings to the other kids were true, he could make for a very useful "friend".

Thibault watched as an almost bald kid in a yellow shirt with a black zigzag tried to defuse the argument and his blood boiled. That stuck up, jackass. Thibault absolutely loathed Charlie Brown. Everything about him: he was an utter phoney. A stuck up phoney that tried to garner people's sympathy by playing the victim. A little turd that went through his whole life with two loving parents and a group of friends, never really knowing how crappy life was. Yet there he went, bitching about how much life sucks to be him, how nobody likes him, blah blah blah. And for God's sake it works! Even if they don't realize it, all those sheep eat it up. Even the ones who are supposedly cruel to him! I'm the only one who see's that asshole for who he really is. He watched as Peppermint Patty and her toadie Marcie tried to cheer Charlie Brown up after Lucy or Eddy had told him to back off (he didn't pay attention to who it was). Their existence spat in the face of how things aught to be. He reminded himself that he had yet to pay Marcie back for that fist to the face that day on the baseball field. One day, when she's all alone and mouthing off at me again, she'll get the back of my hand. That'll shut her up. He smiled at thought. His ideas on what he wanted to do to his former coach were worse.

He shook off those thoughts and focused. Today was going to be different. All of the morons at this camp forgot one little tidbit at orientation that he held onto. Peach Creek and the two schools from his town weren't the only schools sending kids to this dump of a camp. There was one more: Lemon Brook Junior High. The three star players of the football team, The Lemon Brook Lumpers, to be precise. Three burly, angry, and most importantly: stupid ogres of boys. Their leader as it were, just so happened to be related to Thibault by blood.

…...

Peppermint Patty sighed in depression as she watched the small group of kids gather around a poster that one of the staff had put up that morning.

The Midsummer Night's Ball

An Outdoor Night of Romance and Festivities

Sally and Jimmy were both yapping excitedly about it. "This is what I've been waiting for this whole camp you know? It's a shame it's still a few weeks away, but I suppose it gives me something to look forward to amidst all of these dreadful bugs and bruises that this camp seem to give me."

Sally was also beaming, "I just know that my Sweet Baboo will whisk me off my feet that night. He'll make it a night worth remembering!"

From across the camp Linus yelled, "NO I WON'T! AND I'M NOT YOUR SWEET BABOO!"

Jimmy shook his head, "Forget about that guy Sally, he's got a few screws loose if you ask me! Go solo with me and Sarah! It's going to be a blast! Besides any guy would be dying to get with you I'm sure."

Sally smirked, "Even Linus?"

Jimmy sighed, "You do have a one track mind. Anyway you should see the suit I brought for it! Bright white, polyester! It really is the most chic thing I could find, I'm sure it'll just dazzle you!"

Sally nodded, "Cool, I brought a nice dress." She shook her head, "I think my brother forgot to bring anything."

Jimmy frowned, "Well I don't mean any disrespect, but I don't think that's going to matter. Your brother doesn't seem the type to go to these things."

Sally agreed, "Yeah, he's too nervous to bother asking anybody out." Peppermint Patty's heart sank a little bit more, hearing Sally say exactly what she was fearing. Charlie Brown wouldn't want anything to do with this, the fear of rejection would be too much for him. And he certainly wouldn't think about asking her.

Peppermint Patty sighed and walked away, passing an angry looking Rolf who was watching the Sally/Jimmy pair and muttering about Mountain Sprites.

Peppermint Patty couldn't help but mutter, "I'll never be good enough for him anyway."

"What was that dude?" Peppermint Patty snapped out of her funk to find that Nazz, her arms crossed and an annoyed look to match, had overheard her. "Don't tell me you're still hung up on all of this. I told you to tell him how you feel!"

Peppermint Patty growled, "That's easier said than done for a girl like me, alright?!"

Nazz sighed and shook her head. "C'mon dude, we're taking care of this now." She grabbed Peppermint Patty's arm and began to drag her towards the the camp's entrance. "Let's go, I saw him sitting around by the camp's entrance."

"Let go!"

Nazz smiled, "Come on, at least give it a shot. You'll both be so much happier!"

Peppermint Patty frowned at the blond but began contemplating her feelings. Maybe with Nazz's bubbly personality as backup she'd maybe manage to say what she felt.

…...

Charlie Brown watched nervously as Kevin and Eddy went at it. He was supposed to have met with Linus at the camp's entrance, since they heard that a bus from some other school was going to be coming in. Apparently Eddy had heard the same thing and was planning scamming the new campers somehow; Kevin of course, decided to get in the way and some things were said leading the two boys to fight.

Linus walked up to Charlie Brown and stole a quick glimpse of the fight and offered an unfazed, "At it again, eh? These Lemon Brooker's are really going to love their fellow campers."

Charlie Brown asked, "Lemon Brook?"

"That's the name of the other school coming to this camp. They start a week after us."

Charlie Brown nodded, "Ah, do you know anything about them?"

Linus responded, "Apparently they are pretty close to Peach Creek."

"You think the kids here would know them?"

Linus shrugged, "Beats me."

After a few more moments of watching the fight, which Kevin of course was winning, Charlie Brown saw that a bus was indeed approaching. Charlie Brown hoped that his first impressions with this group of kids would go better than with the ones from Peach Creek.

As the bus pulled up, Peppermint Patty and Nazz also approached the two boys. Nazz frowned, looking at Eddy and Kevin's fight, "Do they really need to be doing this now?"

Linus muttered, "At least the people from Lemon Brook will know what they're in for." Nazz however, did not hear that.

"So Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty here has something to tell you!" Nazz informed him, cheerfully. She nudged Peppermint Patty, who was looking down at her sandals. After a moment of silence, Nazz nudged her a little more forcefully and whispered, "C'mon dude!"

Peppermint Patty looked up and took a deep breath, "Oh yeah, so you've heard of that Mid Summer dance thing?"

Charlie Brown, "Oh yeah, I think. I was probably going to sit it out though."

Peppermint Patty chuckled, "Yeah...seems kind of stupid right.. ow!" Nazz nudged her again. "Well what I meant to say was-"

"Haha!" Eddy's cackle interrupted them, he had managed to throw Kevin off of him with enough force that it knocked the wind of him. "Serves you right shovel chin! Now if you don't mind me, I got some suckers to fleece!"

Eddy rushed to his feet and greedily stood by the bus. Kevin, cursing, muttered as he sat up and watched the door of the bus open. Charlie Brown saw the bus rock as whoever was in it was getting off, in fact, he could even swear that he had felt the ground vibrate.

Three of them walked off the bus. They were the largest, most muscular Junior High students Charlie Brown had ever seen. From the looks of it they would even dwarf Ed in size. Their arms were like tree trunks and each of them wore a scowl on their face that inspired fear in Charlie Brown. Each of them were wearing a purple football jersey with the word Lumper written under a picture of a lemon.

Nazz whispered, "Oh no...this...this is really bad..."

"LUMPERS!" Eddy and Kevin screamed in unison. Eddy tried bolting away from the giants, but tripped over Kevin who was scrambling to get up. It took the new students a few moments to process who the two boys were but once they did, Charlie Brown saw a look of pure rage on the face of the monsters.

"COBBLERS!" The largest of them roared. The other two stomped their way towards Kevin and Eddy, who instinctively hugged each, shaking in terror. One of them grabbed Kevin who began pleading, "That game was ages ago! Please! Let bygones be bygones!"

Charlie Brown, Linus, and Peppermint Patty were both bewildered and nervous. Linus whispered to Nazz, "What's going on?!"

Nazz, her voice shaking, replied, "Those guys, they're the quarterback and two running backs from the Lemon Brook Lumper's football team. They're our team's chief rivals."

The Lumper who had Kevin scanned the area before spotting a flagpole protruding from one of the camp's buildings. He marched over, pulled up Kevin's underwear and hung him from the flagpole.

Peppermint Patty nodded, "Man, you guys must really cream them all the time if they're that angry with you."

Nazz shook her head, "We've never won once against them. They just really hate us."

Charlie Brown figured Kevin hanging from his underwear, struggling to get down, would be a Christmas present for Eddy in any other circumstances; but it looks like things were going even worse for him. "PLEASE! LET ME GO!"

The Lumper holding Eddy brought him to the rear of the bus. The Quarterback walked over and opened the back door. With a grunt he carried out a large wooden barrel...filled with Lemons. Eddy screamed as the other brute restrained him, "No! NO! NO! Please! I'M A MINOR!"

The Quarterback then filled the palm of his hand's with lemons, which given his size was quite considerable, and stuffed them into Eddy's mouth. Charlie Brown and his friends watched in horror as Eddy gagged on the Lemons.

Linus whispered in terror, "These guys are monsters!"

Nazz nodded, "There's nothing we can do for these two right now, but we got to get out of here. They won't do anything to me or Patty...I've never seen them touch a girl but you guys..."

Linus nodded in agreement, "You don't need to tell me twice Nazz! Come on Charlie Brown!"

But there was one more student on that bus. One who they hadn't noticed at first due to being paralyzed with fear. But the moment she stepped off the bus Charlie Brown couldn't keep her eye off of her. The vision of beauty who he admired from a far for years. The girl he had pined after. The woman who moved away one day before he could ever admit his feelings to her.

The Little Red Haired Girl.

Linus and Peppermint Patty took notice of her when they saw that Charlie Brown wasn't following them. Linus thought aloud, "Hmm...I knew Lemon Brook sounded familiar. That's the school that she had moved to a few years back."

Charlie Brown looked at her, in a trance, "She's even more beautiful now."

Nazz turned around and asked anxiously, "What's going on?"

Peppermint Patty sighed, "My worst nightmare."

…...

The arrival of the Lemon Brook campers had caused mass panic in the camp, at least with the Peach Creek campers. Linus thought it was a little funny, in a bitterly ironic way, this was the first time he had seen all of the Peach Creek kids working together; even if all they were accomplishing was hyperventilation. Most of them seemed to turn to Double D to come up with some sort of plan, though he was so anxious that he could barely get a sentence out. It was understandable, Linus supposed: the kids from Lemon Brook were indeed brutes and they certainly seemed to have a vendetta against Peach Creek.

Linus strongly believed that none of this was his problem. He'd just stay away from the Lemon Brook kids and they wouldn't have cause to trouble him. After all, somebody had to listen to Charlie Brown go on and on about the Little Red Haired Girl.

"It's like destiny Linus! I never thought I'd see her again. I thought when she moved away I'd never get a chance to speak with her! But now I have another chance."

Linus sighed and mentally braced himself...he was going to have to listen to this for the next few weeks. Charlie Brown constantly pining over the Little Red Haired Girl. Of course he'd never actually do anything about it. Linus remembered when she did move away, how Charlie Brown stood there contemplating to himself if he should do anything while she drove off. Linus was so frustrated he flipped out on him, calling him out on his wishy-washiness. Linus had never gotten that angry before and would never so again...well except for that all fake Great Pumpkin thing a few days back. Still, despite the inevitable annoyance it would cause, Linus was Charlie Brown's best friend and he needed to support him.

"So Charlie Brown, when are you going to talk to her?", Linus asked unenthusiastically.

Charlie Brown took in a breath of air an smiled, "I think so, I think I'm finally ready!"

"Come on Charlie Brown you nee—Wait what?!" Linus had not expected that.

Charlie Brown nodded, "Yeah. You see when I was hanging out with Nazz I realized maybe it isn't so ridiculous for a girl to like me. And even when Nazz didn't want to date me, it wasn't the end of the world or anything. Not everybody is out to make me miserable like Violet and Patty."

Linus raised an eyebrow, "Am I talking to the real Charlie Brown?"

…...

After putting some distance between themselves everything that was happening with the Lemon Brook students, Nazz found Peppermint Patty again, who was sitting on a park bench just blanking staring into the crowd of the panicking cul-de-sac kids. The Lemon Brook Lumpers were still by the buses, torturing Eddy and Kevin. It seemed like none of the adults even bothered to intervene. The red haired girl that seemed to put Patty into such glum mood had made her way into the main campgrounds. She watched as Violet and Patty, surprised to see her, went over to talk to her.

Nazz turned to the crestfallen girl next to her, "Hey, are you like alright?"

Peppermint Patty sniffed, Nazz noticed that she was trying to hold back tears, "That's Heather...she used to go to school with Charlie Brown but moved a few years back. Chuck's been madly in love with her since before I ever knew him. He hasn't seen her in a few years though. I thought she was just a thing in the past...but with her around I'll never have a shot with Chuck."

Nazz frowned, "I'm so sorry. They must have dated or something right?" Nazz felt bad for Peppermint Patty, but she also realized this could be good for Charlie Brown. If he and Heather were so in love it must of hurt him greatly when she moved. Maybe that's why he has such low self confidence.

Peppermint Patty moaned, "No it's not like that! Chuck's never even talked to her! He just worships the ground she walks on! He obsessed with her, it's creepy even! He doesn't even call her by her name, just 'The Little Red Haired Girl', like she isn't even among us mortals!"

Nazz wasn't sure to say, she just put her arm over Patty's shoulder. Patty continued, "Look at her, she's so beautiful! Look at how plain Patty and Violet look compared to her! I can't even compare to that! I look like a troll or something!"

Nazz frowned, "Don't say that!", but she certainly agreed with Patty that this Heather was pretty. Nazz didn't like dwelling on it, but she knew most of the guys she knew had the hots for her...that might change with Heather around. She saw Charlie Brown approaching Heather as well. Violet and Patty said something that made him blush and they started laughing.

Peppermint Patty sniffed, "What's he doing...no...he's not going to actually...!"

Nazz frowned, "It looks like it, I'm really sorry..."

Charlie Brown blushed at whatever Violet and Patty said to him but he shook it off and began ignoring them. He walked past them to Heather. Nazz then saw that he had attracted the attention of one of the Lemon Brook Lumpers. He was stomping off towards Charlie Brown, his fists clenched and teethe gritted.

"Oh no! Patty it looks like Charlie is in trouble!"

"What?"

"I think Heather already has a boyfriend!"

…...

Charlie Brown had finally gotten up the courage to say something to the Little Red Haired Girl. He shoved past Patty and Violet and introduced himself. And now with the giant from Lemon Brook looming over him he regretted it immensely.

The football player's eyes were bulging, his fists were clenched, and his nostrils were flaring. Charlie Brown flashed a very nervous smile, "Oh...hello..."

The mammoth roared, "YOU CHATTING UP MY GIRL KID?!" Charlie Brown scanned the area, the whole camp was watching him. Everyone was paralyzed with fear. Even Violet and Patty seemed to be genuinely worried. The Lumper yelled again, "ANSWER ME YOU BALD FREAK!"

Charlie Brown began slowly backing away, "Oh no..no..no..we're just old friends..."

The brute grabbed Charlie Brown's shirt by the collar, "THEN HOW COME I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YA?!" The Little Red Haired Girl at this point tried to tell her boyfriend to stop as his two friends walked over, chuckling deeply. Both Kevin and Eddy were following from behind them, at a safe distance of course, aching in pain. The Lumper Quarterback glared at Charlie Brown for a second, then put him down. "THIS IS YOUR ONE WARNING KID! IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT HEATHER AGAIN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. I MEAN –LITERALLY—KILL YOU!" Charlie Brown did not doubt it.

He was dropped to the ground and nodded nervously, stuttering that it would never happen again.

"I wouldn't trust that snake for a second, cuz." Charlie Brown's heart skipped a beat. Thibault had approached the Lumpers, quite casually.

The quarterback laughed, "Ah Thibault! I forgot you'd be here. Dad told me I'd probably run into you here! Hey guys! It's my little cousin, Thibault."

One of the other Lumpers rubbed his hair, "Hey buddy! How's it going!"

Thibault laughed...something Charlie Brown thought he never had seen before, "Aw come on guys...I'm not that younger than you. We're in the same grade. He looked down at himself, "I guess I'm just from the shallow end of the gene pool." That cause a nice laugh from the four boys. Charlie Brown had also never heard Thibault ever use self-deprecating humor.

Thibault's cousin glanced back at Charlie Brown, who was quivering in anticipation, "So this kid's a snake, huh? I don't like snakes very much Thibault."

Thibault sneered, "That he is. This little weasel has been stalking Heather for years. He watches her as she eats, worships her garbage like keepsakes."

Linus yelled, "Hey that's at least a minor exaggeration!"

"SHUT IT TWERP!", Thibault's cousin bellowed. Linus backed away very quickly. Charlie Brown glanced quickly at the Little Red Haired Girl, she was blushing. "HEY!" The quarterback picked up Charlie Brown up again by the collar. The force of it made him choke for a second. "YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER AGAIN!"

Thibault continued, while combing his slightly messed up hair with his fingers, "Yeah. This kid is a real piece of work. He thinks he's better than us. Comes from a nice little middle class family. He does nothing but stick his nose down at hard working folks like us. He'd steal Heather away from you the first second he got."

Violet spoke up, "Hey, Heather's not some prize to be won! Why don't you guys stop beating your chests for a second and see what she has to say about this."

The Little Red Haired Girl looked very nervous. Charlie Brown stared at her, pleading for her mercy with his eyes. She frowned at her boyfriend and told him to STOP.

Thibault scoffed, "She's a woman cuz. Her heart's too soft. Give this guy an inch and he'll take a mile.

Violet growled, "You both make me sick!"

Marcie also joined with Violet, "Thibault stop it! Please!"

But that was enough, the Quarterback threw Charlie Brown towards his friends who held him in place.

Charlie Brown took one look at The Little Red Haired Girl, who frowned at him guiltily. She then turned away. He saw Marcie crying and Violet and Patty yelling at Thibault to stop. He saw that Lucy was holding a ferocious Peppermint Patty back with all her strength, "Stop it Patty, they'll kill you!"

Then the pummeling began and the world went black for Charlie Brown.

…...

Ed was through allowing this to continue. He had always been terrified of the Lemon Brook Lumpers. Every time they showed up to his school they would pulverize him and all of his friends. Charlie Brown was his newest friend, and he had enough!

"YOU FOUL BEASTS! GO BACK TO THE FARPLANE FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!"

Ed charged, head first, towards the Lumpers, who were still punching the now unconscious Charlie Brown. He heard Rolf also exclaim, "YES NINCOMPOOP! ROLF WILL ASSIST YOU IN DRIVING THESE OPPRESSORS OUT OF OUR CAMP!"

"Yeah! Go Big Brother!" Ed had to smile for a second at the cry of his little sister's approval!

He felt his head crash into something, he was used to that sensation, he had done it at least thrice a day for the past ten years. He saw he had succeeded in knocking one of the Lumpers down. Causing them to drop Charlie Brown.

"Yeah enough of this!" The kid with the piano had yelled, Ed couldn't pronounce his name. "Keep your hands off of Charlie Brown you creeps."

Ed smiled, more and more the campers approached the bullies in a circle. Rolf stood in the front, triumphantly, "We have organized against you foul ogres! You will stand down or will fall in glorious combat!"

The Lumpers glared at the kids, until Thibault laughed, "Come on cuz, you're not going to take this crap from a dirty immigrant, are you?"

"HELL NO!" The quarterback picked up Jimmy, who had mustered up all of his courage and joined the rest of them and tossed him full force into Rolf. The circle of kids quickly broke. Ed stood his ground, but quickly had his face shoved into the dirt.

"You god damn retard! That was a cheap shot!" Ed then felt a sharp pain in his pack. He howled in pain.

…...

The chaos of the fight had allowed Peppermint Patty a moment to elbow Lucy's stomach, breaking her from her gasp. She made a mad dash for Thibault, who was occupied laughing as the Lumpers shoved Johnny's head into the camp's tire swing.

She pounced on him and began wailing. She was going to give Thibault ten times as much as the Lumpers gave Chuck. Thiabult screeched out in pain.

It seemed like an eternity. Peppermint Patty thought of nothing but her hatred for the little weasel. Eventually though she felt something restrain her. One of Lemon Brook Lumpers had her in a bear hug. She tried rabidly to break free, but her strength was drained from her vengeance on Thibault. She took stock of the situation; the situation had diffused, but it didn't seem to have gone well. Ed, Rolf,and Charlie Brown were knocked out. Snoopy was trying to pull Johnny out of his predicament. Linus was hanging from a tree by his blanket. Jimmy was crying with Sarah and Patty comforting him. Eddy, Double D and Kevin were shaking in terror. Marcie and Violet had secured a first aid kid and were trying to patch up the wounded, starting with Charlie Brown. She saw the Lucy was also being bear hugged by a different Lumper. Peppermint Patty had to smile a bit, once things were really heating up Lucy must have joined the fray.

Thibault spit out blood while on the ground. His eyes were mad with anger, "For god sake! Beat the hell out of this bitch!" He pointed at her, "DO IT NOW!"

Thibault's cousin shook his head, "No way! You don't hit girls!"

Thibault growled, "Oh COME ON!"

His cousin's face grew stern, "You don't hit girls!"

Thibault pouted, "Oh fine!"

One of the Lumper's guffawed at Thibault, "Haha! Man you let your ass get beat by this chick!"

Thibault shouted, "Shut it!"

Normally Peppermint Patty would scream at these sexist assholes for their derogatory remarks against her gender. But she was tired...and they were making Thibault look like an idiot so she took that as small consolation.

…...

The lack of adult supervision, which for so long allowed the campers a great deal of freedom, had now ironically choked it from them. The Lemon Brook Lumpers, with Thibault holding leash, were rampant. Everybody had to endure wedgies, swirlies, and other forms of torment. The Lumpers made good of their oath to let no physical harm come to any girls, though they were still utterly boorish and sexist in any of their dealings with them; and this was all when they were in a good mood. Should any guy upset them, they would be mercilessly beaten. If it was a woman who did the deed, they'd either say something incredibly lewd or if they connected a guy to a specific girl, would pound him to grovel, such as one time when Nazz called them out on their behavior. They had always associated Kevin with Nazz from their dealings in the past; thus Kevin was once again their victim.

The only time the campers were afforded the faintest hint of safety was during mealtime, when there were some adults to supervise. That isn't to say that sometimes one of the Lumper's meals would never end up in somebody's face; but compared to everything else, that was quite bearable. Usually the football players, with a bored Little Red Haired Girl and Thibault in tow, would spend every meal loudly discussing their previous victories against other school's football teams.

Kevin and Eddy, setting aside previous differences, decided that this would be the time to deal with the camp's predicament. They gathered a brain trust to decide how best to deal with the situation. Both Kevin and Eddy knew they didn't have any ideas, so they turned to Double D, Linus, and Marcie to try and think of a rational solution to this problem. Various other campers stood in anticipation as the triumvirate deliberated each meal.

After about three days, the group finally came up with an idea: a desperate idea. Marcie announced, "As we have all seen, the Lemon Brook Lumpers are just too strong for any of us to best physically."

Linus nodded, "But they do have a weakness." He sighed, "If you consider their one shred of human decency as such."

Double D, who looked the most anxious of the bunch, quickly added, "But desperate times call for desperate measures!"

Kevin complained, "Will you nerds get on with it?!"

Marcie scowled at the boy, "I'd hope that you'd at least show a little patience for this. But either way we know that they will not hurt girls. Not that keeps them from being chauvinist pigs, but it's a start."

Eddy was losing his patience, "That's all well and good, but how does that help me?! I'm no chick!"

Lucy elbowed him slyly, "Could have fooled me pipsqueak."

That allowed for some nervous chuckles from the group, though they were all far more interested in a solution to their problem than making fun of Eddy, who merely grumbled, "Don't call me that..."

Double D continued, "So with that said, our best chances at driving them away would be to unleash something terrible upon them. Something they wouldn't be able to fight against."

Kevin yelled, "C'mon Double Dweeb, quit stalling!"

Linus stood up and stoically said, "We are going to call on the Kanker Sisters".

That statement caused something of a commotion in the group. Enough so that the Quarterback of the Lemon Brook Lumpers turned his head towards them for a moment.

"Ssssssh you idiots." Lucy urged.

Eddy was not at all pleased, "Are you guys insane? We can't put ourselves at the Kanker's mercy!" He turned an angry eye towards his friend, "Double D, how could you agree to this!"

"Please Eddy, your voice...we're still trying to run a covert operation here", Double D urged. "In any case I suggested it."

Eddy was aghast, "What is wrong with you?!"

Double D insistently shushed Eddy once more, "Think about it Eddy. These jocks aren't going to hit any girls. The Kanker's are the toughest girls we know. Their terrible tactics will be unleashed on them and they'll be powerless to do anything about it. With any luck, they'll leave."

Eddy grit his teeth, "You realize they aren't going to just do us this favor. There's going to be a cost...and we're the one's who are going to have to pay up!"

Double D frowned and nodded, "I know. I'm willing to make that sacrifice for us and everybody else." Double D cocked his head over towards the Lumpers. They had just stuffed Pig-Pen in a trash can and dumped their food in and drink in it.

"Here's an extra coat for ya!" One of them yelled.

Double D nodded, "We can't live like this. This is worse than the Kankers."

Eddy glanced around at everybody, he wasn't completely convinced, "Ugh...well...fine...but we still have to contact them! And I am NOT volunteering this time."

Marcie pleaded, "But you Eds are the best...um..."

Eddy finished, quite annoyed, "..bait?"

Marcie blushed, "Um...well.."

"Forget it! Find another sucker!"

Lucy stepped forward and grinned devilishly, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you Eds are off the hook."

Double D did not like the glimmer in her eye, "Are you sure Lucy?"

She pat Double D on the back, "You've done enough sweetie." Double D blushed, "No, I think I have somebody better suited for this. "SCHROEDER!", she screeched across the lunch room

The boy was sitting on the other end with Rolf and Nazz, talking with a very unhappy Pig-Pen.

"LEAVE ME ALONE LUCY!"

Lucy huffed a sigh of annoyance and turned to Ed, who was watching the scene blankly. "Ed, be a good boy and fetch Schroeder for me."

Ed smiled, "Can do boss lady!" Lucy whistled for a moment while checking her finger nails. She smiled as she heard Schroeder yell some obscenities at Ed. Ed brought him over, slung over his shoulder and dropped him in front of Lucy.

Marcie explained the situation to him, Schroeder of course was not too receptive to his role, "Why do I have to do this?! Make the Eds!"

Lucy grabbed a hold of his arm and said sweetly, "That's fine honey. The next time the Lumpers beat you up, I'll be there for you. I'll tend to your wounds and pat you on the head. We'll talk about our future, our marriage, our kids-"

Schroeder gagged a moment and yelled, "Alright stop! STOP! I'll do it! I'll do it!" As quietly as they could the group thanked and cheered for Schroeder. He shook his head and muttered, "I hate you all."

…...

Schroeder left that night, right after dinner towards the Kanker's trailer. Johnny and Snoopy arranged an information be set up that night. Woodstock was to follow Schroeder into the woods and wait. Once he saw that Schroeder's negotiations with the Kanker Sister's were complete, he was to contact a group of friendly thrushes that lived in the area. The birds would then contact each of the campers, informing them to head to their designated meeting place, the equipment shack, to hear Schroeder's news.

As Schroeder made his way through the woods, Woodstock perched on his shoulder. It was rather odd for Woodstock, he never had much to do with the boy. He did always enjoy the music he made from afar.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. The only help I have is from a dumb bird", he sighed.

Woodstock dug is talons into Schroeder's shoulder and glared at him, "Oww! Ooow! Sorry! Sheesh..."

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Schroeder asked, "Why am I doing this Woodstock? Is this really worth it?"

Woodstock chirped a response to the boy. He of course had no clue how to respond to his inquiry; Woodstock preferred to keep away from the painful drama that love could bring. Luckily he could say anything to Schroeder since for all his fluency in the language of Beethoven and Brahms, he was woefully behind on bird.

Schroeder groaned, "It's just Lucy, she's so annoying all the time! If she just gave me some space once in a while I wouldn't be so cross with her all the time. Ugh! Beethoven didn't have to deal with this."

"IIIIIII IIII IIIIIII III IIII III IIIIIII", the bird responded, quite sarcastically.

"But these Kankers, man, they're evil I tell you..." Woodstock sat quietly as Schroeder pondered to himself. Schroeder turned his attention to the little birdie, "Do you think I'm too stubborn for my own good?" Woodstock just shrugged, as mentioned before, he really didn't know this boy all that well.

It was at that time they reached their destination; the yellow glow of the indoor lights were enough to confirm it. Garbage was scattered around a fifty foot radius of the trailer. Schroeder allowed himself one last despairing sigh. Woodstock pat the back of his neck with his wing; it really was all he could do. Schroeder extended his arm out for Woodstock to hop onto. "Remember the plan. Once you see me exit, send word to the thrushes." Woodstock saluted to Schroeder who extended his arm upwards towards a tree branch overlooking the trailer. "Wish me luck. I'll need it."

…...

It was well past midnight by the time the campers were awoken by the thrushes. They had sneaked out of their barracks, one by one, and met by the shack. They were careful not to awaken the Lumpers, Thibault, or the Little Red Haired Girl. Double D was visibly nervous at the meeting, "If any of the staff catches us we'll be in huge trouble!"

Pig-Pen smiled, "Yeah, maybe they'll send us all home, that would be a real shame, huh?" Double D conceded that point.

They had waited impatiently for at least a half hour. Sarah complained, "Can somebody please explain to me why we're relying on a network of birds? Have we all lost our minds?"

Johnny took offense to that, "They did a great job of organizing this!" Snoopy nodded sternly in agreement. "Schroeder is just taking a while to get back." The group began arguing once again, everybody being in a rather foul mood given the circumstances.

It wasn't until Schroeder returned, ten minutes later, that they settled down. His face was covered in lipstick, his hair was completely disheveled, his shirt even torn. He did not look pleased.

Eddy laughed, "Looks like somebody got lucky!" Double D couldn't help but face palm at Eddy's lack of tact.

Schroeder, who looked slightly mentally unhinged, could only laugh back, "Yep! And you're next!" Eddy's grin disappeared. "You guys are the prize that the Kankers are claiming!"

Eddy shouted, "You bartered us to them!"

The pianist smirked, "You're darn right! I've done my time! You're the ones they really want!"

Eddy turned and glared at Double D, who was beat red, "I told you! 'Desperate times' huh?!"

Ed was shaking, "Not good, not good! Kankers Bad! Help Ed!"

The other kids however, were not to interested in the Ed's dilemma. Charlie Brown asked, "So they agreed?"

Schroeder nodded, "Yes, at around eleven in the morning. The red haired one said" he deepened his voice, "'We'll roast those jocks early and then have a nice romantic lunch with our boyfriends.' Then the other two started giggling...then they turned their attention to me again."

Peppermint Patty hit her fist to her palm, "Great! We'll let those psychos take care of the Lumpers then. This'll be great!"

Eddy moaned, "Easy for you to say!"

…...

"C'mon, I can't be the only person here who wants to see what's under that hat of yours, kid." Thibault sneered at a struggling Double D. One of the Lumpers decided to grab his hat off his head to see whatever he was hiding. Double D instinctively grasped the edges and through force of will managed to keep a hold onto his cap while the Lumper shook him around.

"You may take my life, but you'll never take my dignity!" Double D shrieked.

The quarterback chortled, "Is that so you little dweeb?"

As was the norm when the Lumpers were involved, the rest of the campers were spread out as far away from the action as possible. They were all whispering to each other, hoping that the Kankers would show; an idea they never thought could have been possible.

The lumper holding Double D gave another sudden jerk, "C'mon you little maggot! Let go!"

The quarterback was highly amused, "Looks like you found your match." Double D was quivering in equal measures of fear and exhaustion, but he would not budge.

Sarah, who was standing near Charlie Brown was quite worried, "I always wanted to see what was under that cap, but not like this!"

Charlie Brown mused, "Nobody deserves what they're doing to him."

The Lumper groaned, "Just give it up you for God's sake."

Double D whimpered, "N-n-no! Never!"

Charlie Brown felt utterly hopeless watching the scene. Double D was being put through so much and he wasn't doing anything. Nobody was. It was hopeless, nobody was able to stand up to these Lemon-brookers.

Suddenly he felt something squeeze his arm. Sarah had excitedly grabbed it, "Look!", she pointed off in the distance. The silhouettes of three figures were approaching the Lumpers. Sarah let out an ironic chuckle, "Never thought in a million years I'd be happy to see them.

…...

Double D felt his finger's giving way. He wouldn't be able to keep his grasp on his cap. To add to all of the punishment these hooligans had put him through, he'd now be forced to reveal his embarrassing secret to everybody, including these thugs.

A voice called out, "Get your dirty hands off of Double D!" Double D's first instinct was to recoil in fear; Double D recognized that voice quite well. His eternal stalker and tormenter, Marie Kanker. He saw that all three girls were approaching the Lumpers: Marie and Lee were cracking their knuckles, May had a slingshot drawn on the football players. Marie continued, "I'm the only one who can touch him!" She winked at Double D, "I'll have you free in a jiffy, dreamboat."

Double D hit the ground. The Lumper holding on to him let go. He scrambled to his knees and in a crawl, rushed as far away from the two parties as possible.

He turned around to see that Lee had taken charge, she was in the Quarterback's face, "Well, I'd have never thought I'd see the Lemon Brook Lumpers here! This ain't your turf. Get out now!"

May snorted, "Yeah! Or else we'll have you running back to Lemon Brook like little babies!"

The Lumpers stood their ground but said nothing.

Marie sneered, "You guys hurt Double D. Nobody hurts Double D!"

The Lumper who was holding him scoffed, "What's it to you?!"

Double D had made his way towards his two companions. Eddy was biting his fingernails in apprehension, "Do you think the Kankers have a chance?"

Double D nodded, "The Lumpers won't try and hurt them. That's the whole plan."

Thibault apparently had begun to also recognize this, "For God's sake, don't stand there! Beat these assholes up!"

The quarterback scowled, "I told you Thibault, we don't hit chicks! It's just not right man."

Double D smiled for a second, until he noticed that Thibault began chuckling, derisively at his companions. "Girls? Girls? Hah! You got to kidding me." The Kankers eye Thibault suspiciously. "If these are girls, they're the ugliest, manliest, butchest chicks next to Peppermint Patty! Trust me, they're guys!"

Marie smirked, "Oh issat so?" She reached towards the bottom of her shirt. Double D quickly averted his eyes, "Maybe you guys need some proof."

Lee interrupted, "Oh for Pete's sake Marie, no one wants to see that!"

The Quarterback looked again at Thibault, "See, that one's name is Marie."

Thibault shook his head, "Well clearly he's from Europe." He glared at the Quarterback, "Nothing but smug Euro-trash."

Lee smirked, "Alright, fine." She turned to her sisters, "I think we need to teach these guys some respect, huh 'guys'."

Double D's eyes widened, the Kankers were making a huge mistake, "They are gir-"

Eddy grabbed him and gagged him with his arm, "Shut up Double D! Stay out of this! We don't want to get involved!"

The Quarterback spat in the direction of the Kankers, "We don't like foreigners around here!"

May laughed, "Oh well 'Sucker-Blue' and wee-wee!"

Lee grinned, "Let's do this!"

Lee and Marie rushed the Quarterback, knocking him to the ground. Double D couldn't help but smile. He looked around, he saw that the other campers were beginning to cheer for the Kankers. As the other Lumpers went after the two girls, May pelted them with rocks from her slingshot.

After a few moments though, the two Lumpers managed to pry Marie and Lee from their leader. He then took the two by their heads and slammed them together, knocking them out cold. Double D winced at the sight of it.

Ed whispered, "Oh no! They're going to team up on May!"

Double D watched in horror as the three football players approached May. Alone against the three of them, she was no longer an imposing figure. Double D noticed that even Eddy seemed to look worried for her safety. They grabbed her, tossed her slingshot aside, and with a swift backhand, knocked her to the ground. Then they began kicking her as she cried in pain. She curled into a ball and shivered as they kicked.

Double D's fists were clenched, "This is sick. This is absolutely sick!" Something overcame him and he walked away from Ed and Eddy.

Ed cried, "What are you doing! I don't want you to die!"

"Lumpy's right Sockhead, get back here!"

Double D shouted, "Look at us, cowering in the shadows while these brutes are maiming somebody! A young girl to be exact!"

Eddy looked at Double D as if he was possessed, "SHE'S-A-KANKER!"

"I don't care! We should all be ashamed!" He looked over towards Pig-Pen and Peppermint Patty who were standing nearby, "I'm going to distract them, drag the Kankers to safety!" The two took a deep breath and nodded. Double D ran towards the discarded slingshot.

He began firing on the quarter back driving them towards him. He noticed from the corner of his eye that Peppermint Patty and Pig-Pen moved into position. He kept firing.

The Quarterback was seething with anger, "You didn't get enough from ten minutes ago! This time I'm going to do more than just make you shake you little wuss!" Double D braced himself for a triple beating. However he saw a rock smash into the head of a Lumper. They recoiled in pain and turned towards the other side of the camp. Linus was swinging his blanket over his head. He launched another rock in their direction. Double D was happy that somebody else was taking action.

The other two Lumpers went off in his direction. Linus had managed to mitigation Double D's beating, significantly, but it still was not going to be pleasant. The young boy closed his eyes as the Quarterback picked him up from off the ground.

…...

Thibault rubbed his hands together in excitement. The Kankers were being dragged away by the other kids, completely and utterly defeated. His cousin and his friends were making mincemeat out of Double D and Linus. The other campers were watching in terror.

Thibault had finally gotten what he wanted. Thibault controlled this camp.

…...To Be Continued...

A/N: I suppose I have a thing for really obscure villains. From Peanuts we have Thibault and Joe Agate, who I admit have way too big of a role in my stories compared to their canon appearances. The Lemon Brook Lumpers from Ed Edd n Eddy are even worse. They can't even really be called characters. Since they are very obscure, if anybody wants to get to know any more about them, they appear in the Ed, Edd, n Eddy episode: Tight End Ed.