Chapter Eleven
Joey was anxiously waiting for Roxy to get home. Charlie had wanted to stay with her but Joey had insisted that ending things with her was something she needed to do by herself. She'd promised to phone as soon as it was done and Charlie would come and get her and they could be together. They'd kissed each other goodbye and now Joey was waiting to do the deed. She was terrified. She was worried about breaking up with Roxy even though she hadn't truly wanted to be with her for a long time. And she was frightened of being with Charlie. In the back of her mind, she was afraid of things not working out, or worse, of something happening to Charlie. Joey had a habit of bringing bad luck on good people that she cared about, or driving loved ones away and she didn't want to do that this time. All she had known for five years was Roxy and the way she handled things and all she had known prior to that was how her father and brother had handled things, which hadn't been much different. To change her world and let Charlie in, Charlie who was so gentle and loving was a big step. And to change it based on a handful of stolen kisses... the magnitude of the risk she was taking threatened to overwhelm her.
***
"You look happier," Ruby observed when Charlie came bounding into the Surf Club.
The youngest Buckton was playing pool with her friends but stopped when she spotted her sister. Charlie grinned.
"She's going to leave her and be with me!"
Ruby broke out into a delighted smile and pulled her sister into an embrace. Charlie had been moping about in a fretful state for days now and it was driving them both crazy. It was wonderful to know that this girl, who Ruby had only ever seen fleetingly was finally allowing herself to be rescued. And Ruby knew that Charlie would take care of her. Charlie was nothing if not strong and gentle, caring and faithful and she always had been.
"That's so great," she enthused.
"I'm just going to the Diner to check with Leah that it's okay for Joey to come and stay," Charlie said.
***
Joey tensed even further when Roxy came through the door, dumping her bag on the dining room table and shrugging off her coat.
"What's going on?" Roxy asked, immediately noticing Joey's bags, packed and piled neatly in the corner.
Joey hovered nervously nearby.
"I'm leaving you," Joey said, trying to sound strong.
Inside she felt like she was dying. She never thought the day would come when she would be saying these words. All she could do was keep Charlie's beautiful face in her mind.
"Excuse me?" Roxy replied incredulously.
"I'm leaving you," Joey replied.
She hoped that Roxy couldn't see her shaking.
"No, you're not," Roxy said, dismissively. "Don't be ridiculous."
She pushed past her into the kitchen and began to rummage through the fridge. Confused, Joey followed.
"I mean it," she said.
"No, you don't! You can't leave me!" Roxy said sharply. "I own you, Joey!"
"Not anymore," Joey replied.
Roxy glared at her. Joey swallowed, regretting telling Charlie that she could handle this by herself. She couldn't.
"I will always own you, Joey," Roxy said. "You're nothing without me. Don't ever forget that."
"That's not true," Joey said, attempting to sound bold.
"That cop's got into your head, hasn't she?" Roxy realised, closing the fridge and striding towards Joey who was suddenly rooted to the spot.
Joey fought off a wave of panic.
"I'm right, aren't I? It's her? She's got you thinking that you can be someone, hasn't she?" Roxy demanded, grabbing hold of Joey's wrists and pressing her against the kitchen counter.
"It's nothing to do with her," Joey lied, feeling frightened.
"Well, she's wrong, Joey," Roxy said. "You're nothing without me. I built you up and I can take you apart. I will take you apart. Don't you dare leave me."
She let go of Joey and returned to the fridge, leaving Joey in utter turmoil about what to do. Joey took a breath and closed her eyes. She conjured up Charlie's face and the memory of her kiss. Comforted for a moment she stepped forward once more.
"I'm still going," she said.
"Don't you listen?" Roxy snapped, whirling round again.
"Charlie and I are going to be together and there's nothing you can do about it!" Joey insisted.
Roxy paused. Then she smiled.
"If that bitch dares to take you away from me, I will hunt her down and put her through the kind of pain she's never even imagined," Roxy said darkly.
Joey froze.
"And having experienced the kind of thing I'm capable of, Joey, do you really want to put your precious Charlie through that?"
Joey swallowed, unable to speak.
"Well? Do you? Do you want her to get hurt?"
"She… She's a cop. You can't hurt her. She'll just… she'll just arrest you."
Roxy just laughed.
"Cops aren't superheroes, Joey. Didn't some policeman just get murdered here a few months ago? Are you that naïve to think that she's untouchable?" she asked.
Joey felt sick.
"So, are you selfish enough to put her at risk? Or are you going to stay with me?"
"I… I'll… I'll stay with you," Joey said, feeling utterly defeated.
Roxy smiled.
"Great. You call her and tell her it's off and that you don't love her anymore. And I'll cook dinner. Consider it a treat."
***
Charlie picked up the phone on the first ring.
"Hey! Did you do it? How did it go? Are you okay? I've spoken to Leah and everything's cool with you staying. And Ruby's excited about meeting you properly. And I'm all set to come and collect you whenever you're ready. And I'm so excited. And I'm sorry; I'm talking a mile a minute. I…"
"Charlie!"
Joey cut her off.
"Sorry," Charlie apologised.
"I can't do it," Joey said, fighting tears.
Charlie felt like her world had come crashing down around her.
"What?" she said weakly.
"I can't do it. I'm sorry."
"Why?" Charlie managed.
Suddenly the house seemed too small. The walls of her bedroom began to close in around her. She had spent the best part of the afternoon making space in her wardrobe and drawers for Joey's stuff, ready to welcome her into her home, to make her feel comfortable and safe.
"I just can't. I'm sorry."
"What's she said to you?" Charlie wanted to know.
"It doesn't matter," Joey told her.
"It does, Joey. Earlier you were all set to leave her and be with me. Tell me what's changed. What's the problem?"
"Charlie, please…"
"Joey! Why won't you be with me?"
"Because I don't love you!" Joey snapped.
***
Joey burst into tears at her own lie and hung up the phone. She couldn't believe she'd had to tell Charlie that she didn't love her when in all honesty, she had grown to love her more than anything else in the world. But she knew that if Charlie thought there was any hint of feeling there, she would keep pressing the issue, she would keep coming back and that would mean she would be unwittingly putting herself in the firing line. Joey couldn't bear for Charlie to be in danger, not for her. Sometimes it was necessary to be cruel to be kind and this was one of those times.
***
Devastated Charlie let her phone drop onto the floor. She didn't even have the energy to cry. How could Joey do this to her? What had happened to change Joey's feelings? Everything had seemed so genuine before. It had only been earlier that afternoon that they had been making out on Joey's couch. The way they had kissed and touched had meant so much to both of them. It didn't make sense that Joey didn't care about her anymore. Neither of them had said the L-word until now, until Joey had said she categorically did not love Charlie. To hear that, hurt. To hear that Joey didn't love her and wanted to stay with Roxy, a woman who was a violent cheat, was destroying her. She couldn't bear it. Sighing heavily, she looked round at all the spaces she had made in her room for her soon-to-be partner. With a wave of anger, she pushed over her dresser. She ripped her clothes off her hangers and threw herself on her bed, pounding her mattress until her fists hurt. Then she collapsed in tears. After several minutes catching her breath, she sat up and collected together her thoughts, deciding once and for all that if Joey didn't want her, then she didn't want Joey. She was sick and tired of trying to save someone who didn't want to be saved. It was too much energy, too much hard work. Everything she had ever tried to do for her, Joey had thrown back in her face. She had had enough.