Chap. 11

The next day dawned bright and sunny, and we were awoken to sunlight streaming through the window. I was basking in the aftereffects of my pleasant dreams and was ready to start the day. Jane groaned loudly as she opened her eyes before quickly shutting them after only a few seconds. She must have had a restless night, as I had been awakened a few times by her tossing fitfully next to me. Rolling over to face me, she opened one eye and focused on me.

"Morning." -came her curt greeting.

"Morning Jane. How did you sleep?" I asked cautiously, even though I already knew the answer.

"Yeahhhh, not the best night's sleep, that's for sure." She responded. "I might need a nap on the beach later."

"Well Jane, it looks like it is absolutely gorgeous out. I think a nap on the beach can be arranged. If you want to hop in the shower I can pack us a picnic lunch, and then we will head out."

"A shower sounds good. Maybe it will help me wake up. Give me twenty minutes and I will be ready to go." Jane moved to get out of the bed.

"Take your time Jane, there is no rush."

The sunshine and unseasonably warm temperatures made it the perfect day for the beach. We arrived at Revere Beach late in the morning, and set up our things in the warm sand. Jane shook out a large blanket and spread it across the sand and after removing her shoes and sweatshirt, flopped down with a loud grunt. She lay there with her ankles crossed and her hands clasped behind her head, looking like she didn't have a care in the world.

I stood there for a moment, my eyes transfixed on the woman spread out before me on the blanket. My eyes wandered to her long legs-clad in a pair of her favorite running shorts- tanned and toned from the long runs that Jane took nearly every morning. Her feet were well-manicured, with a surprisingly girly bright-purple nail polish on each toenail. Moving higher, my eyes stopped for a moment to appreciate the lean muscle of her torso, and the small strip of tanned skin that was visible as her tank top rode up slightly. Going higher still, my eyes passed her small, but still feminine breasts-lingering for a moment-and moved to appreciate the defined muscles of her upper arms and shoulders. Moving inward, my eyes raked over the beautiful curve of her clavicle, then upwards once again, and I unconsciously licked my lips as I scanned her long and elegant neck. I faltered for a bit when my eyes got a glimpse of the angry red burn on her upper chest, but I quickly resumed my thorough investigation of Jane. Finally, my eyes arrived on her face. Her eyes were shut tightly, but as I scanned over her strong and feminine bone structure, I was struck with how absolutely gorgeous Jane was. It made me actually ache when I realized how beautiful she was.

Jane's voice snapped me out of my reverie. Her eyes snapped open and she held up a hand to shade her eyes from the sunlight.

"Hey Maur, you are standing in my light. Take a seat or move."

I did as I was told, and sat down on the blanket next to Jane. After rolling up my jeans to expose my lower legs a bit in case we wandered down closer to the water, I grabbed a book out of my bag and pretended to read. My mind was working overtime as I struggled to process the thoughts racing through my mind after I had ogled my best friend.

I always considered myself to be open and fluid when it came to my sexuality. Sexuality was a complex thing, linked closely with our biological and hormonal responses. But emotions and feelings also play an integral role when it comes to sexuality. I had heard the phrase "listen to your heart" before in relation to love, but that saying truly baffled me, as the heart is simply a muscle responsible for pumping blood through the body. While I had only been sexually intimate with men before, I had always appreciated the beauty of the female form, and to be honest, was never opposed to trying a same-sex relationship. I understood the interplay between the factors that determined sexuality, and knew that attraction and arousal could be measured scientifically, as many studies had done so in the past.

Logically, if you were to look at my dating history, the data would suggest my preference for heterosexual relationships. One could even use the data to hypothesize my future mate would likely be male. But in that moment, I wanted to defy all logic. Realization upon realization began to dawn on me, and I was suddenly struck with another logical conclusion. Jane was an ideal mate.

We had been friends for nearly a year, and she knew me better than anyone else. She was selfless, loving, passionate, and intense. Her family and friends meant the world to her, even though she would never admit it out loud. She was fiercely loyal, brutally honest at times, and also emotionally vulnerable and tender when situations called for it. There was a tough case a few weeks ago where a six-year-old girl had been abducted after her parents had been killed in their home. When our team had found the little girl, Jane had cradled the girl on her lap for hours at the precinct while we waited for her aunt to pick her up, tenderly stroking and playing with the girl's blonde ringlets. Jane wouldn't let anyone else take her, instead wrapping her arms protectively around the small child, whispering- "It's all right baby, you're safe now."

Before I could wrap my mind around the epiphany I had just had, Jane's voice cut through the silence again.

"Maura, you wanna take a walk down the beach a ways?" Her head turned to the side and she looked at me in anticipation.

Grateful for the distraction, I nodded and we both got to our feet and walked down towards the water's edge before turning to walk parallel to the water. The sand was wet and cold on my bare feet as we walked at a leisurely pace.

I could hear Jane take a deep breath beside me, pausing for a minute before she spoke. "I had nightmares last night. About Hoyt."

"Nightmares are a common occurrence after a significant trauma Jane, it happens. Do you want to talk about what happened?" I cast a sideways glance at her to gauge her reaction.

She opened her mouth to respond, and shut it again. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment then started to tell me about what had happened.

"After I left your apartment that morning I went for a run to clear my head. I must have been really upset because before I knew it, I had run all the way to Newton." -she admitted sheepishly.

"Jane! That's like, ten miles!" I was shocked by her admission.

"I know Maura, it just kinda…happened. Anyways, I realized I didn't have money for a cab back so I sucked it up and decided to hoof it back to my apartment. It took me a few hours, but I made it back by mid-afternoon. Obviously I was gassed from all the walking and running, so I passed out on the couch when I got back into the apartment. I fell asleep right away, and the next thing I knew, the apprentice was pressing a stun gun into my neck and that son-of-a-bitch Hoyt was leering at me from across the room. "

She paused for a moment and brought her hand up to rub her eyes. I shivered at the thought of her alone in her apartment with two serial killers. When her hand came back down to rest at her side, I instinctively grabbed it, giving it a reassuring squeeze. That must have spurred her on, as she continued with her story.

"I think they stunned me, because I woke up in the back of a van. My hands and feet were bound with duct tape. The van wasn't moving, but must have been parked in that quarry at that point. Hoyt was there, and the look in his eyes was fucking terrifying Maura. He said something about this being 'our final game' and he was holding a scalpel. I tried to think of some way out of the situation, but I was so… helpless in that moment. And scared shitless."

Jane stopped abruptly and gripped my hand tighter as my momentum carried me past her a few steps. I turned back around to look her in the eyes. Tears had started to slide down her cheeks and I couldn't place the emotion displayed on her face. It looked like desperation. She grabbed my other hand, and we were now standing face-to-face at the water's edge as the breeze whipped through our hair.

"Maura, I was so scared, but in that moment, all I could think about was what I hadn't done. Places I hadn't visited…things I hadn't seen….and p-people who I hadn't told I love…" -her voice cracked as she finished speaking. She paused to let her confession sink in, her eyes locked on mine, wide with emotion. Tears rolled, unchecked, down her face and her sobs seemed to grow louder by the second.

Instinctively, I pulled Jane in for fierce hug. There was so much that she had left unsaid, but I knew exactly what she was trying to say. Her hands reached out to wrap around my waist and her head dipped down to burrow in the crook of my neck. I could feel the warm moisture from her tears rolling down my skin. My hands slid from her lower back and found their way into her hair, which was impossibly soft, even though it was tangled from the wind. I smoothed down some of the wayward curls and then moved to stroke the back of her neck.

Several minutes passed before Jane pulled her face away from my chest without warning. She brought her hands up to cup my cheeks, and her thumbs rubbed lightly along my zygomatic arches. I shivered as goosebumps began to appear on my skin at such an intimate gesture. She bent her knees slightly and lowered herself to look right into my eyes. Her eyes were full of unshed tears and raw emotion. Those brown eyes flicked down quickly toward my lips, then back up to hold my gaze once more.

As if it was the most natural thing in the world, I moved forward to close the small amount of space between us, and pressed my lips to hers. Her lips were chapped and I could taste saltiness from her tears. Time seemed to slow down in that moment, and before I could process what was happening, Jane began to kiss me back.

A/N - Thanks again to all of you who have been reading this! I hope you are enjoying it so far. Just FYI, I may get another chapter posted by the end of the weekend, but if not, definitely at some point over the next few days. After that, there will likely be a lapse in updates since I will be on vacation. For those of you who are curious where this is going, as I have it planned out, we are a little over halfway through...my goal is 20 chapters or so. As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome.