Your husband is dead.
It felt like a thousand knives cutting into her soul.
Had they not been winning? Was Jaime Lannister not their prisoner?
Did any of it matter now? Her love was dead. The father of the children she had borne and the one she carried. His head taken from him, and their daughters held captive by his murderers.
You promised me that you would return Ned. How can I do this without you?
Be strong for Robb. Be strong and get your girls back. Be strong for your sons who are alone in Winterfell, Bran who never even said goodbye to you or his father. Be strong for the child in your womb. The child who will never know its father. Be strong for revenge.
Robb had been quiet at the news. He was becoming so much like his father, holding his thoughts and emotions to himself. She wanted to hold him but did not, lest his bannermen think that their Lord was weak.
They were going to Riverrun. The home of her childhood. The place where Robb was born. Now he was returning as a Lord instead of a babe. Both times the country had been at war. Both times she lost men she loved. Both times she prayed for peace. Both times the cost was too high.
At least she would see her father and brother again soon. Being with them again would be a sweet relief even in the midst of despair.
It was a few days after learning about Ned's murder that she went to tell Robb of her pregnancy. She was showing easily enough if her gowns were close enough to her body, but she could still feign otherwise with loose layers. It was late when she entered his tent. He looked as though he had not slept in days.
"Mother," he sighed upon seeing her.
She favored him with a brief smile. "I have good news that I want to share with you."
"We will be at Riverrun soon and with family."
"Yes," she agreed. "But that is not what I meant." She swallowed hard as the baby kicked. You gave me a gift Ned... "Your father... I carry your father's child."
He stared at her, shocked and confused. "How? When? Truly?"
She nodded and tears escaped from her eyes. "Just before he left for King's Landing. One last child." She took his hand and placed it on the swell of her stomach and the baby kept kicking for him. His eyes filled with emotion and wonder as he looked at her. He always was amazed when she let him feel his brothers and sisters kick inside her.
"This child is hope for the North," he murmured. "Why did you say nothing until now?"
"I did not want to worry anyone."
"Did father know?"
She shook her head sadly. "I did not want him to worry for me..."
He embraced her tightly as a sob escaped her lips. "I will avenge him mother. I swear it by the old gods and the new. When we reach Riverrun we can announce your pregnancy to all my lords. They will be happy to hear good news in such dark times."
"Yes, I think that there will be much celebrating."
Eventually they arrived at her childhood home. It was just as she remembered, though it no longer brought her joy. She was helped out of the boat and onto the docks, if her helper noticed her belly he said nothing. From there she went to see her father. He was lucid, but his health was failing. It broke her heart to see him as he was lying there in abed.
That night Robb held a council. Renly had declared himself King, they had learned. Catelyn urged them to seek peace but her plea fell upon deaf ears, they wanted blood, not peace. Then as one the people declared Robb the King in the North. They learned that she carried Ned's last child and they cheered for the unborn prince or princess. They sent ravens to Winterfell declaring her sons to be princes, the boys who she missed with all her heart.
She also sent word separately to Rosalyn, charging the secret princess with the safety of her boys. She had almost told Robb that his bastard siblings were in truth his trueborn cousins and lawful heirs to the Iron Throne. She could not tell him now, not with his people declaring their independence. Perhaps Ned had been right; in order to keep the children of Lyanna and Rhaegar safe they could never tell a soul.
Time passed as her father's health declined and her child grew bigger and stronger within her. The river lords were leaving them one by one to return to their holdfasts, trying to harvest what remained of their crops. Robb decided to send Theon to Pyke to seek the help of the Iron Born, despite Catelyn's warning that it was a bad idea to have Theon sending the message.
She worried about her daughters in King's Landing and feared the worst for Arya, of whom no word had been mentioned since before Ned's imprisonment. The younger of her two daughters was nearly ten. The thoughts of her children made her cry. She longed to hold them each in her arms and keep them all safe. However her children were spread throughout the world now, and there was no way to keep them all with her.
It was about three moon cycles after Ned's death, and a few days shy of Arya's tenth birthday, that she went into labor. The day was dreary and rainy, without a hint of sunlight. Catelyn was breaking her fast with Robb and Edmure when she felt the contractions begin. Robb, her young son whom she called king, was suddenly more anxious than she had seen him since he was in Winterfell. He is growing up too fast, she reflected.
"Call for the maester and midwife," she said calmly. "I will retire to my rooms."
"Will you be fine to make it there mother," Robb worried.
Edmure laughed and clapped his nephew on the back. "You sound more worried than she was when she birthed you. Escort your mother to her chambers and I will get the maester and midwife, your grace."
Her brother walked away laughing while Robb took her arm and walked with her to her rooms. When the maester arrived Robb was asked to leave. He joined Edmure down the hall and paced anxiously, awaiting news of his mother and his brother or sister. Her labor was relatively short. A few hours of pushing and shouting and the babe made its way into the world with a lusty cry.
"A son my lady," the maester said as he cleaned the child up. When she was delivered of the afterbirth and cleaned up, he placed the baby boy in Catelyn's arms.
Catelyn smiled down at her new son, with tears brimming in her eyes as she looked at his face. "A Prince of Winterfell. Please, send Robb and my brother in."
"Of course my lady."
She studied her youngest son's face as she waited for them to return. As she watched his blue eyes open and close she reflected upon the births of her other children. Robb's birth had been the most difficult and longest, Bran's the second most difficult. The other children had all come in their own times and ways with varying degrees of difficulty. Arya was quiet at birth. Rickon and Sansa cried louder than this new babe. How strange it seemed to her that her first and last sons would be born at Riverrun where she had been born. Both born when the danger of war was upon them. Both born when their father was gone. However, Ned Stark wouldn't return to hold this son.
Robb entered the room and looked at them with a nervous smile. "A boy," he asked upon entering.
"He has my eyes and your father's hair," she replied softly, tears slipping from her eyes. Ned... She missed Ned. He should have been there to see his child. She could see tears in Robb's eyes as well when she passed his newborn brother into his arms. Her brother Edmure gave her a kiss on her head.
"Have you thought of what to name him," Robb asked as he laid a finger in his brother's hand, marveling at the tiny fingers.
Catelyn met Robb's eyes. There could only be one name for her newborn son. "Eddard, he shall be named for his father."
Robb smiled and returned his brother to their mother. "A good name. I will tell my people that a new Prince of Winterfell has been born."
She was soon left alone with her babe Eddard, who would never know his namesake. Over time her youngest son became her best companion. She visited her father, and spoke with her brother and uncle, but Robb was often too busy to talk. About a month after Eddard was born Robb came to see her. He was quiet at first, unsure of what he would say.
"I need someone to treat with Renly. I need it to be you."
She looked at him incredulously. "Did you not see your infant brother? He is but a month old, and still needs me. Have you not seen your grandfather who is dying? He needs me too."
He sighed deeply. "I need you. I need you to be the one to treat with Renly because I have no one else who will know what to say to him. You I trust to do this."
"And will I bring my son with me?" Her voice was cold. She knew that he needed her but so did her babe.
"There is a woman among the cooks who recently gave birth, she can nurse my brother. I need you to do this."
She had never been more furious with her first born than at that moment. She couldn't believe that he would do this to her. They fought hard about the matter; however, in the end she went out of duty.
It was three long, hard months from the time Catelyn left Riverrun until she held her infant son again. Her milk had dried up during her travels. When she held her son he cried for his nurse. It took a while before he grew accustomed to her again. Holding him felt so good; she felt briefly whole again as she gently cradled the infant Eddard. She could not help but still feel angry at Robb still for stealing that time away from her. Time that she would never have again.
The wet-nurse who was caring for Eddard was a young woman of common birth. Her name was Daisy; she had borne a child around the time Eddard had been born but the child died. She was a gentle, simple girl, a baker's daughter and a baker's wife. Her husband had died fighting for Robb during the battle of the Whispering Wood. She was apologetic to Catelyn for her son being slow to warm up to her again. At first Cat resented her but in time Catelyn found that she didn't mind the girl's company. It was nice to have a companion, and the girl was very good with little Eddard.
Daisy and Brienne, who had run with her from Renly's camp, were Catelyn's constant companions, they and baby Eddard. Her only time away from the three was when she went to see her ailing father. She found herself wanting news of Robb and her brother Edmure who were away warring. She found her solace with her babe.
Catelyn found that she could hardly pull herself away from the boy for any length of time. He was an easy tempered child but already strong willed and quiet like his father. By far Sansa and Bran had been the easiest of the babes, always smiling and laughing. Arya and Rickon were the strongest tempered and most difficult of the children, how true that was even as they grew. Sansa and Bran were her dreamers, Arya and Rickon her wild ones, and it seemed Robb and Eddard were her noble warriors, born and raised in battle.
She often wondered if Ned's bones had made it safely back to Winterfell yet. That was the hardest shock of returning to Riverrun, to see the silent sisters guarding the bones of her late husband. She wished the gods would return the dead. She needed Ned back in her arms. She wanted all of her children back, her husband alive and with her, and her Lord father healthy instead of dying.
Notes: Ned :( This chapter was once really short... now it's over twice the size and better. (expanded 8-20-14)