Chapter 11

Jacob reassured me that facing the others in the pack wouldn't be a humiliating experience. He explained that although they already knew everything that had happened between us, and they had been able to see it through Jacob's memory, they will be discrete. "They all have things they wish they could keep to themselves, too. We just respect each other's privacy as much as possible."

"I know… It's just really embarrassing. I just wish some things could be kept secret. Are you sure they won't say anything?

"I don't know that they won't say anything… you know how they are. Quil especially. He's been thinking about seeing you without a shirt for a long time." Jacob winked at me.

I felt the blood rush to my face and nearly turned around to head back to the car. But Jacob grabbed my hand and let me into a clearing. In the center was a small fire, burning blue and green from the salt water. All of the guests were surrounding the fire, having conversations amongst themselves. Jacob was right about who would be attending, except for one. Leah, Harry and Sue Clearwater's daughter, sat just outside the main group, looking out to the ocean. She didn't look our way when we walked into the clearing like everyone else did. Something about her face looked sorrowful, but I couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was.

"Nice shirt, Bella! I think Jake has one just like it!" Jacob was right, Quil was the first to tease me. Sam smacked the back of his head, shutting him up.

Jacob squeezed my hand a little, looking apologetic, but said nothing. He sat beside Sam on a log they were using as a bench and I sat down in front of him. Wrapping his arms around me he pulled me back to him, so that my head was resting on his chest. Everyone else had gone back to their conversations, leaving us with a small measure of privacy.

Jacob leaned his lips down to my ear, and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "Tonight the elders are telling us the legends of Verus Diligo… imprinting. I really wanted you to be here with me. This will be the first time we hear this part of our history." He sounded sad, "I want you to remember Bella, I love you. No matter what, I will always love you."

I looked up at Jacob in time to see him glance at Sam, a distressed look on his face. Sam turned back to Emily and squeezed her hand gently. The gesture was simple enough, but the emotion behind it was obvious. Sam loved Emily, and she him. It was like their worlds revolved around one another, and no one could ever deny their undying affection. I had never seen two people more in love.

A small ember burned in my chest, briefly taking me back to my misery. The look in Sam's eyes reminded me of the look I thought I saw Edward give me when we were in his meadow on our first date. That look of eternal love.

Only it wasn't eternal. It wasn't even real. I pulled myself out of my sadness, impressed that I could do so. It helped that Jacob's arms were still wrapped tightly around me, holding me together. I placed my hand in his and turned to kiss his neck. My unease was quick enough he didn't even notice.

Billy and Henry showed up, then, triggering a silence across the group. The moved to stand beside Sam, on the opposite side as Jake and I. It was an unspoken announcement that the meeting was set to begin.

"Tonight," Billy began. There was an aura of power and strength in his voice that I have never noticed before, "We tell the story of Verus Diligo… Imprinting." Again I noticed that Leah looked unhappy. She wasn't looking at Billy or Harry like the others were. Her gaze was still focused on the ocean.

Harry took over the storytelling. "Verus Diligo means quite literally true love. We do not know if it is a component of our transformations, or from our tribe ancestors that allows us to search out our Verus Diligo, but we do know that it has been a part of our history for many, many generations. Our ancestor, Q'wati was the first to tell the story of his Verus Diligo. Q'wati was a transformer, part wolf and part man. He lived many years defending his tribe, never seeking love. He saw his transformations as a impediment, having no true form, and did not wish to father children who would do the same. He was the only wolf in his generation. There were no critical threats in his time, and he saw no need to continue the wolf."

Once again Billy began to speak. "Q'wati began traveling to other native tribes, searching for men to help us work our land. On one of these trips he met a woman named Arima. Arima was Q'wati's Verus Diligo."

"Q'wati described his love to Arima as a compulsion. He didn't know her, but he loved her and needed her like water, like shelter, and like food. He would give his life for her. Arima was married to another man, a very dangerous man, among his tribe. Q'wati killed Arima's husband, so that she could return with him to our land. He married Arima, and they birthed six sons."

"When Q'wati and Arima met, they fused a bond deeper than any promise or human law could defy. Q'wati, who had lived three human man's lives, stopped changing into a wolf, and began aging with Arima. Many years later, when Q'wati and Arima were far aged, they died together, in their sleep."

Harry picked up the story, "It has been many generations since anyone has experienced Verus Diligo. Some thought it was only an old tale told to young lovers to convince them not to marry. But now, when we face more of our enemies than ever before, we find that the legends of Verus Diligo are true."

It surprised me when Sam stood up. Sam was several years older than most of the pack, but he was far from being considered an elder. He moved to stand between the two tribal leaders and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he reached out to Emily and motioned for her to stand with him. "When I met Emily I knew immediately that I was to spend every day of my life with her. All the things that held me to this earth" he paused, taking a deep breath. He looked as if he was remembered a horrible crime, or a bad nightmare, "ceased to be significant. She was my one, my only. From that second, I loved her. Her life meant more than my own. She is my Verus Dilago."

"With imprinting, which we have come to call what happens when we find our Verus Dilago, there is no defying what is meant to be. The immense happiness that both sides of the love feel is overwhelming. But there is also a dark side. Before fate stepped into my life, and brought me my Emily, I loved another. I promised her the world. I promised her forever. And I had to break every promise I ever made to her."

A quiet sob broke me away from Sam's speech. I looked up to see Leah, still staring out into the ocean, with tears streaming down her cheeks. All of the others were looking at Sam. No one else noticed Leah's cries. I wanted to get up, to go to her. I wanted to help her.

I started to move toward her, but Jacob held me tight. I looked up, prepared to protest, but the sympathy in his eyes stopped me cold.

The others noticed Leah's heartache, but they knew this part of the story. Leah had been Sam's other love. The one who ended up heartbroken.

Sam's speech continued, but I could no longer hear him. My eyes stayed locked on Leah, my heart aching for her. I wanted to be angry at Sam for what he did to her. It wasn't fair. But I knew first hand that loved did not always make sense. Love was not always rational or understanding. Sometimes love was a monster.

I thought of the way I felt for Jacob, and all the things he'd said to me. He promised to love me forever. He promised to always come back to me. He promised to never leave me.

But none of those were promises he could make.

At any moment of any day, another girl could walk into Jacob's life and cast me aside. He could leave me, just like Edward did. All the love he has for me could be taken away. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The Edward hole in my chest was hurting again, like the embers of a long burning fire. But now it was accompanied but a whole new pain, a fresh burning that felt like the fire itself was going to burn my heart out.

I could be left alone, and broken. Not able to breath, not able to feel. I would just be an empty shell, stripped of everything that mattered in my life.

I tried wrap my arms around my chest, to hold myself together, but Jacob's arms were still laying over my shoulder. They no longer felt safe, no longer felt reassuring. Instead it was like a restraint, holding me down, making me endure the pain.

Jacob's voice, saturated with grief, broke me out of my waking nightmare. "Bella, do you want to take a walk on the beach with me?" I could tell he was expecting me to say no.

And I should have said no. I should have gone home, crawled in my bed, and prayed that it was all a nightmare. But instead I nodded my head, and I let him lead me away from the bonfire.

We walked for a long while, saying nothing. My mind raced, a millions miles a second, but no coherent thoughts would form. There were questions I knew I needed to ask, but I couldn't get the words to make sense in my head. Jacob said nothing, he just walked beside me, not touching me. Eventually we made it to the same piece of driftwood that we sat on when I first came to forks and I flirted with Jacob and he told me scary stories.

Jacob sat on the log and dropped his head into his hands. He was so upset that I immediately wanted to hold him and comfort him. I wanted to tell Jake that everything was going to be okay, and that we would get through it together. But I couldn't find my voice. And I didn't want to make more promises about our relationship that we couldn't control. Instead I sat down beside him and leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Bella," he looked up at me, tears streaming down his face. I placed one hand on his face, wiping away his hears. He said nothing else. What was there to say?

We sat on the driftwood bench, our spot, I thought, for a long while. When the sun had finally set and the skies had gone completely dark I began to stand. "I need to get home, Jake. Charlie's going to be worried about me."

"Wait, Bella, please… It doesn't happen all the time. The legends all say that it's really rare. Please… don't leave me. Not over this. We just started dating, and I know I'm not perfect but Bella, I love you. I don't care what our ancestors say, there is nothing that could stop me from loving you. I feel something with you… It's like I'm drawn to you, but it's not like what Sam was talking about. It's like I do have a choice and I want you. Only you. Sam is with Emily because he has no choice. I want to marry you, and have babies, and grow old. When I close my eyes you are the one I picture doing those things with. There's never been anyone else for me, Bells."

I couldn't think. I knew I wanted the same things Jacob did, but at any point his choice could be taken away. Sam didn't chose to hurt Leah, but it happened. "Jake, I can't go through that. I won't survive it." I thought of the look on Leah's face, having to see Sam on the reservation and know that she is still in love with him.

I couldn't look Jacob in the eyes. My heart was breaking all over again, but only it was worse. When Edward left, I had Jacob to turn to. But if Jacob left me, I would have no one.