Chapter Eleven:
When I wake up, I expect to be at one of the big hospitals in the city. But instead, I find myself in the infirmary at the agency. And it's not the one for agents who are healing…I'm stuck in a room by myself, with closed windows and doors instead of curtains.
Slowly, I sit up, being careful not to move too much. I can feel the stitches in my chest, but it isn't too painful – the morphine must be strong. Carefully, I place my feet on the floor and stand up. I expect Tobias to rush in and demand that I lay back down, but he doesn't and neither does a nurse or doctor. I walk towards one of the windows and glance out of it. There isn't much going on, only four or five doctors gathered around the front desk and…Tobias.
Tobias is sitting on one of the chairs, his elbows resting on his knees – which shake anxiously. I've never seen him look that worried before. I knock on the window a few times to try and get his attention, but he doesn't hear me.
I need to go out there and talk to him…
Suddenly the heart monitor near my bed starts to go off; beeping nonstop and I hear shouting outside. Tobias leaps to his feet and hurries towards the window. He stops in front of where I'm standing and looks at me. I try to give him a reassuring smile, but then the four doctors from outside are in my room, yelling about some kind of shock and a few other medical things I don't understand.
Then I realize Tobias isn't looking at me – he's looking through me. He's staring at whatever is behind me.
Turning around, I see the four doctors surrounding a body, one of them pressing down on the chest, trying to get the heart to keep beating. I take a step closer and see a head of long blonde hair, splayed around a lifeless face, with a tube stuck down her throat.
My body.
This doesn't make sense. I was shot in the chest; I should either be dead or alive, not in a coma.
The beeping on the monitor starts to slow down again and one of the doctors leaves the room. I follow behind him to where Tobias is standing.
Tobias steps forward, his face looking haggard. He has dark circles under his eyes and his posture suggests he hasn't slept in a long time. How long have I been like that? "How is she? Is she going to survive?" His voice is worn out, but there's still a mixture of panic and hope in it.
The doctor sighs, crossing his arms. "She's stabilized for now, but we can't predict what will happen. At times, it seems like she won't make it but then her body just seems to start fighting." The doctor sounds slightly fascinated. "She's fighting to stay alive and I've never seen anything like it before. It's amazing, really."
I step closer to Tobias and wish that I could reach out and touch him, comfort him. Of course I'm fighting to stay alive. I have to stay alive. I owe it to Tobias and Christina. Christina. God, I can't let her lose someone else.
Tobias looks into my room, now completely clear of doctors, and if I didn't know better – I'd guess that he was trying to find a smile. "She's strong. She's always been strong."
The doctor nods. "Extremely strong, I might add. I'll keep you updated on her. Just go back upstairs and get some sleep. She'll still be here later."
He shakes his head. "I'm not going to leave her side." The doctor tries to argue, but I guess he knows it'll be impossible.
"You are so stubborn…" I murmur, shaking my head at Tobias. If only I could actually speak directly to him and actually touch him – I'd have hit him for going this long without sleep. Sure, agents were trained to go long periods of time without sleep, but not four days. He's so stupid.
"Eaton!" We both turn around and Lauren is walking towards him, looking tired and worn out herself. She's wearing a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt. She stops in front of Tobias, and I move away from her a little bit. She glances into my room. "How is she?"
Tobias crosses his arms over his chest. "Stabilized. The doctor says she's fighting." A smile, tired smile shows on Lauren's face.
"Of course she is, she's always been strong." Well apparently everyone knew I was strong. "Anyways, we've been interrogating Eric for the past few hours. Not much has come out of him, but we've learned enough to know that he was the one who re-created the serums and that the guards that were taken down were pretty much the last of Matthew's lackeys." He nods, his jaw tightening.
Tobias shoves past her and starts to head out of the infirmary and for the steps. "Eaton! Eaton, stop!" Lauren calls from behind him, but he's angry and nothing will stop him from whatever he's planning.
He makes it down six flights of steps and then shoves open a door. Two guards are standing point in front of Eric's cell. Eric, who looks beaten and bruised, stiffens at the sight of Tobias and then smirks, sinking down onto his bed and leaning against the cell wall. "Well, look who has finally left his poor girlfriend's side."
Tobias nods to the guards, who can't argue with him because of his ranking, and they disperse, heading towards the command unit in the middle of the room.
He steps towards the cell bars, but I stand a few inches back. The sight of Eric makes me nervous and worried.
"Have you come here to deliver me to my punishment?" Eric seems completely and utterly calm for someone who thinks he's going to die shortly.
I look at Tobias, and he shakes his head. "No. I'm not authorized to do that. Not yet, anyways." He steps closer to the cell. "But let me tell you something. Tris is hooked up to goddamn life support, and if she doesn't make it out – neither do you. And I won't put a bullet through your head to end your life quickly, oh no, I'll torture you to death. I don't care how long it takes."
Honestly, I don't think I've ever been as scared of Tobias as I am right now. He has never looked so angry or terrifying.
Lauren's behind us, panting. "Agent Eaton! Step away from the prisoner and leave. Now." He steps away and then heads back out of the room. I'm about to follow him when I hear a familiar voice.
"Beatrice…" I freeze up, turning around.
"Mom." My voice is barely a whisper. "Mom, how – how can you see me? Oh, God. I'm dead, aren't I? I died. No, I can't die!"
My mom steps closer to me and places her hands on my shoulders. Her hands feel warm on my arms and I start to cry. It's been so long since I've felt her touch and warmth. I reach out and pull her into me, hugging her tightly. Every thought of death and Tobias fly out of my head. All I can focus on is hugging my Mom. "I've missed you so much, Mom."
She pulls back a bit, looking at me. Her hand caresses my cheek, wiping away tears with her thumb. "I know, sweetie. But I've been right by your side since I left." She smiles. "And I've never been more proud of you. But Beatrice, you need to fight through this. You can do it and I know you can. You have people who love you that need you alive." I shake my head.
"I want to be with you and Dad."
"Oh, sweetie. We'll be right here, but you have to live. For Caleb and Christina." Her smile lightens even more. "And Tobias. You know how much it will kill him if you die." She kisses my cheek once. "I love you."
And then she's gone and I'm standing back in one of the training rooms. With Tobias.
It's the room where I was practicing in before we left for our last mission; the practice bag is still in the center of the room.
His hands are balled in fists and he's breathing heavily. Suddenly, he's kicking the bag and punching it as hard as he possibly can. After his sixth punch, the bag topples over, split open. He collapses to his knees, covering his face with his hands. His knuckles are split and bleeding and I wish so much that I could comfort him.
I kneel down in front of him and try to place a hand on his shoulder, but it just slips through.
The door opens and Christina walks in, shutting the door behind her. "Tobias, Jesus." She kneels down where I originally was and I notice then that her face is puffy and her eyes are bloodshot.
God, I wasn't helping anyone.
"I need her to live." He drops his hands, but keeps his focus on the floor. "I can't live without her…she can't leave me – can't leave us."
Christina places a hand on his shoulder. "I know, Tobias. Trust me, if she dies, I don't know what I'll do – I'll probably go out of my mind. I've already lost Will. I cannot lose her, she means too much to me. She's my only family."
Family. Caleb. Caleb!
I leave the room and start running back to the infirmary and to my room. Caleb's sitting in a chair next to my bed, his hand on top of mine. He's hunched over, dark circles under his eyes.
Yeah, I'm definitely screwing with everybody else's health now, too.
"Beatrice…I know, I know you probably can't hear me. But I want you to know that, that I love you. You're my baby sister and I can't lose you. Not after we've lost Mom and Dad." His voice is quivering, a few stray tears leaving his eyes. "I remember bits and parts of what I did at…at Jeanine's building. I remember leaving Dad behind to join her and I remember you…" He takes a deep breath. "I remember you breaking into the building and attacking me. Calling me a traitor and hitting me. I don't blame you. I would've done the same in your position. God, Mom and Dad must absolutely despise me. I'm such a terrible brother, leaving you behind. I should've been there for you. I should have always been on your side after Mom and Dad died. It was my responsibility to look out for you, and now look at you." He can't stop crying now, and it's the first time since Mom and Dad's funeral that I've seen him completely upset. "If you live, I promise to be a better person. I promise I'll be a better brother; I'll even start working for the agency if that'll help you trust me. Just please, Beatrice, please live. You can pull through this, I know you can."
He leaves the room and I'm left, staring at myself. I need to wake up, I know that. But I don't know how to.
Christina comes in and takes Caleb's seat.
"God, Tris, you look ridiculous." She tries to laugh, but she's sniffling, trying to holding back tears. "You can't do this to me, Tris. You cannot leave me. I need you here. I need you." She's sobbing by this point and now I can't stop crying.
It's so frustrating not being able to let them know I'm right here, hearing and seeing everything. I want them to know I'm fighting – at least, I think I'm fighting. I will make it back to them.
She takes my hand in hers and holds it tightly. "I need you to be here for me when I make stupid decisions. I need you here for me like you were when Will died. You helped me get through it. It hurts still; it still hurts so fucking much. But that won't amount to the pain that I'll feel if I lose you. I've known you my whole life and we've gone through everything together and I don't…I can't live without you. Please, Tris, just…stay."
She gets up to leave and once she's out of the room, I hover over my body.
"Wake the hell up!" I lean over myself and look down at my unconscious face. "You need to wake the hell up!" I go shake my shoulders, but just like with Tobias, my hands slip right through.
I collapse on the floor, covering my face with my hands. My body shakes with uncontrollable sobs.
I just need to wake up. Wake up for Christina and Tobias and Caleb. Wake up to prove how strong I am. I need to wake up to live.
Suddenly, a bright light takes over my vision. I don't see the hospital room anymore or the hospital bed – just a bright white light. No. I'm not ready to die. I can't die yet.
The light keeps getting brighter and brighter and as it does, I feel warm spots on my arms, like multiple people are trying to pull me into the light.
I guess I'm not strong enough to survive this. I guess everyone was wrong and that I'm not a fighter. Maybe…maybe fate's telling me it is time for me to go.
I give up trying to urge myself to wake up and let the warm hands pull me towards the light. As I get closer to the light, I hear a voice, say my name. "Tris…" It's like an exhale
And then nothing.
So i got this up a LOT earlier than i ever thought i would (who's proud?)
But lease don't hate me for this chapter!
As I was writing, i kept getting different ideas on how to end this chapter. And this ending just kind of came to me at last minute, and I kind of liked it.
And don't worry, I'm not done the story just yet. I have maybe another chapter or two in me.