Thanks everyone!
And remember if you have any suggestions just say them im pretty sure I can work from there
Lalalala
I know I put Renesmee before in here but I skip around a lot…
Bella's pregnancy-
Bella-I HATE THIS DEMON CHILD!
Edward-We offered to take it out of you like THIRTY SEVEN TIMES.
Bella-DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID? I LOVE THIS BABY.
Edward-I HATE IT WHEN YOU GET BI POLAR ON ME!
Rosalie-Get away before she changes her mind…don't worry you can kill her once the baby's out.
Edward-Fine.
-Jacob enters the room-
Jacob-WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EAT?
Bella-I'm pregnant you dumbass.
Jacob-Oh good I thought you just got fat.
Edward-Jake, come outside with me.
Jacob-Are you gonna rape me?
Edward-Do you want me to…
Jacob-No.
-Jacob and Edward go outside…holding hands…haha okay they don't hold hands-
Jacob-What do you want fagget?
Edward-I need you to have sex with Bella.
Jacob-Why?
Edward-I DON'T KNOW. That dumbass Stephenie Meyer told me to say it. (A/N-nothing against her)
Jacob-Fine…damn stop PMSing.
Edward-STOP CALLING ME FAT.
Mike-I don't think you're fat…
Edward-Didn't you get kidnapped by Michael Jackson?
Mike-I escaped.
Edward-How?
Mike-He threw me off a balcony…
Edward-So that was YOU.
Mike-YEA YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
-Edward kills Mike for the second time-
Jacob-Let's go back inside. I can hear Leah's thoughts and I'm SICK of seeing Sam naked…damn who knew girls were so horny.
Edward-I do.
-they go back inside-
Jacob-PISS OFF BLONDIE I NEED TO TRY AND RAPE BELLA.
Rosalie-Damn…fine.
-Rosalie and everyone else leave-
Jacob-Soo what do ya say bella?
Bella-HELL NO. I'VE BEEN FAT FOR NINE MONTHS AND I WILL LOVE THIS CHILD OR SO HELP ME GOD.
Jacob-You've only been pregnant for three weeks…
Bella-Shit…what the hell am I drinking…miracle grow?
Rosalie-Who told you…
Edward-You dumbass she didn't know…NOW SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO LIVE.
Bella-DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.
--
A/N-So yea as you can see…I need ideas!
Please review it might help me think funnier-yes that is possible…