Chapter 11: I can't make you love me

Disclaimer: Any character you recognize I do not own.

AN: Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right, just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't

- I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt

Somewhere in Honolulu...

She lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling.

She wills herself not to give in to the urge to call.

The sound of the doorbell jarred her out of her reverie. She considered not answering because she's tired and she looked a mess. But then she realized that it could be her cousin, with word about him and so she hurried to answer the door.

Chin's expression made her heart beat violently inside her chest and her fingers tightened unconsciously on the door frame. "Steve?" She makde herself say his name.

Her cousin sighed heavily before he gently pushed his way inside the house.

"Chin?" She asked, trying not to panic at his lack of answer.

He closed the door and led her to the sofa and then made her look at him. She braced herself for bad news and tried to fight the nausea that threatened to overcome her.

"He's back."

The words don't make sense to her. He's back? "What?" she whispered in confusion.

"He's back. Steve's back on the island."

She thought maybe it was the shock…because as soon as the words came out, her vision suddenly dimmed and everything faded away.

When she came to she was in bed and Malia was the one she saw sitting next to her and not her cousin.

"How do you feel?" Her cousin-in-law asked as she laid down the book she'd been reading on the side table.

"Foolish." She answered wryly when she remembered how she'd fainted at hearing Chin's words. "Where's Chin?" she asked as she sat up.

"I sent him to get me ice cream. I figured you could do away without the hovering."

She smiled at Malia's answer. "Thanks."

"Kono…"

She tensed at Malia's worried tone. "I'm fine…just…I forgot to eat earlier…" she offered an excuse.

The older woman sighed heavily as she rubbed her swollen tummy. "Chin is worried about you."

"I know. But I do take care of myself. I do."

She was grateful that despite the apparent doubt on her face, Malia just nodded in acceptance of her explanation. "Do you remember what happened? What Chin told you?"

"Yes. He's back." She tried not to let any emotion be heard from her voice.

It is then that the older woman reached out to touch her hand. "Are you okay with that?"

She knew that Malia was asking more than what her question implied. So she smiled to reassure her. "I'm not leaving again…"

The hand holding hers tightened in relief. "I'm glad. Chin…"

"I'm sorry for worrying you both." She whispered an apology again. "I just…I had to…" She struggled to explain.

"I understand."

"Is…is he okay? Have you seen him?" she couldn't help but ask. But the other woman's hesitation made her nervous. "He's hurt isn't he?"

Malia nodded.

"Chin?" She hated herself for asking.

"No…he told me he wanted to…but no, Steve was already hurt when your cousin saw him."

Her relief at hearing that it wasn't Chin who hurt Steve was short lived however when she realized something else. "He's been hunting WoFat…"

"That's what Chin thinks. He was shot and Max had to cut him open again…one of the wounds was infected…"

"One of the wounds? How many times was he shot?" She can't help the note of hysteria from creeping into her voice.

"Twice. He's resting now. Danny's with him."

"I…Okay…" She felt foolish about her reaction. After all, when she sent him away months before, wasn't she supposed to stop worrying about him already? But then again, the fact that she was back in Hawaii at all belied that. Because the minute she realized that he'd been missing, she'd flown back almost immediately, frantic with worry. The months that followed as they chased down lead after lead all but broke her. And now that he's back and hurt…

"Do you want to see him?"

The question threw her. Did she?

Dare she?

And so she lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling.

And wills herself not to give in to the urge to call.

On the other side of the city...

She lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling.

And wills herself not to give in to the urge to cry.

She'd known the truth for months but she just didn't want to accept it. So she had pretended that things were the way they used to be. And she'd told herself that she was okay with having only what little is left over of his feelings for her. Months ago, that hadn't been so hard to do because even though she'd seen the cracks on his façade, he'd cared enough to make an effort for it not to happen that often. Months ago, when he'd called her again, she'd fooled herself into believing that she had only been a blip on his radar and that he'd finally realized that he belonged with her.

But that was then…before they'd been taken. Before he'd come back all broken and in pain, with eyes lost in a place she had no idea how to reach. But she'd tried. She'd tried so very hard because despite herself, she loved him. So even though he told her he had nothing else to offer her she'd foolishly told him it didn't matter. And so she would come…whenever she could…whenever he allowed her to.

When he disappeared she'd almost gone out of her mind. She used every means at her disposal to locate him to no avail. And so the minute she heard that he was back, she'd been on the first plane to the island. She'd been so glad to see him that she didn't really even care that while his lips had smiled at her, his eyes had reflected bitter disappointment that it had been her and not…

And when he'd taken her to bed later that night with a ferocity that surprised even her, she'd convinced herself that it had meant more to him than physical relief. That she meant more to him…

But when it was over and he'd fallen asleep, she heard it…

Her name…

Whispered in a soft sigh…

Spoken so tenderly…

Lovingly…

Longingly…

It was then that she truly realized the futility of her fight.

But what can she do? She didn't want to give him up.

And so she lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling.

And wills herself not to give in to the urge to cry.

But they both fail.

Because minutes later someone startles at the sound of ringing with tears in her eyes.

As somewhere else, someone else waits for the phone to be picked up.

AN: Okay, so I've always planned to write Catherine's POV somewhere in this story but couldn't quite figure out where and how to incorporate it. And then I heard this song and it suddenly just came to me and wrote itself out while I was in the middle of coding. I know it's short so I think I'll most likely post another chapter in a day or two (or three) to make up for it (and move the story along).

Anyway, starting this chapter, I'll respond to comments/questions in this section instead of individually (as an experiment - since you know, I can't seem to find the time to do so) and see how it goes.

JJP9 / Martha Smith-Jones / TV-Fanatic97 / Shani8 / bushy4 / Sidalee / Tiana-P/ francis2 - I'm glad you liked reading about Danny and Chin's reactions and that they didn't come out as OoC.

Harleyzgirl – I hope this chapter explains where she was while he was AWOL

fangirl - As for how many more chapters this story will have, I had originally thought it to be 15 so let's see if I can manage to stick to that plan. =)

Guest1 – Yeah, Danny's a real character =)

Guest2 – Thanks. I'm flattered.

Thanks as well to my silent readers (and those who've commented in previous chapters but aren't included in the above list. I truly appreciated all your input. Till next update.