Chapter 11: Thorn in My Heart

(For Walkure...sorry for the reeeeeallly looooooong wait for this! *hugs* and hope you feel better. Love Spunky)

Renji heard the sound of the bedroom door opening and stirred sluggishly, opening one red-brown eye and fixing it on the man who had entered the room. He watched as the shopkeeper carried a tray to his bedside, waited quietly as Renji sat up, then set the tray in his lap.

"Thanks," the redhead said sleepily, beginning to eat as Kisuke sat down next to the bed.

"You're welcome," Kisuke answered, watching in silence for a few moments as Renji ate.

"How long was I out this time?" the redhead asked.

"Only two days," the shopkeeper reported, "And the good news is that while you were out this time, I was able to figure out how to instruct Captain Kuchiki to direct his reiatsu more efficiently, so that your reiatsu would remain stable for longer."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that instead of needing those reiatsu infusions every day, you will probably be able to go for a week or so before needing another."

"Okay."

The redhead went quiet for a time, looking down at his hands and letting the reality of his situation sink in. Kisuke met his eyes again with a look that told Renji that not everything he had found was good.

"So...there's more, right?" Renji asked, just wanting the worst to become a known quantity, "You're going to tell me there's something weird about that reiatsu thingy inside of me, right?"

Kisuke's expression answered the question before the shopkeeper said a word.

"Kisuke," Renji said softly, "Is that thing going to kill me? Is it going to take over my body or something? What is it?"

"I still don't know what it is," Kisuke confessed, "And I don't know what it will do."

"Great," Renji sighed, "Is there anything that you fucking do know?"

"I know that something has to be done while I study this. And we are talking about for a long time. Some of the studies I'm conducting will be done in days, some in weeks. But a couple of them are studies that will take several years."

Renji released a soft sigh, closing his eyes and setting the tray on the nightstand.

"So...this is the way things will be for a long time, right?" he queried.

"Yeah."

"Where are Captain and Wren?"

"Byakuya had to go back to the Seireitei to handle something for the head captain. Wren went back with him. She said that she figured you'd want time to mull things over. But...while they're gone, there's something that I need to talk over with you...something you didn't want those two to know about your condition. And as much as I know you'll be annoyed having to talk about it, it's part of the investigation and it's something else we need to unravel."

"You know that when they had sex, I was aware of it," Renji said, cutting to the chase.

"You weren't just aware of it," Kisuke went on, "Renji, you were part of it."

"What?" the redhead said, frowning, "What does that mean? I was a part of it? I mean, I was here the whole time. How could I be? What the hell are you talking about?"

"There was a reiatsu flow coming into the lab while you were sleeping that time."

"A...reiatsu flow?"

"Yeah. I captured some of that, at the time, and I have been analyzing it. I determined that some of the reiatsu was Wren's and some was Byakuya's."

Renji's eyes widened.

"Wh-what the...?"

"Those combined reiatsus traveled into your body, guided, it seems, by that concave structure inside you. And after, the reaitsus formed a single cluster, one that is now fed when Captain Kuchiki bonds with you."

"F-fed, you say..."

"Yeah. I don't know for sure. But that reiatsu seems dependent on you."

Renji stared at the other man in silence.

"It has Byakuya's reiatsu and Wren's combined...and it is being 'matured' in your body. And I can't tell you what will happen when it reaches maturity...only that it looks like something more has to happen before it does."

"So, what the hell do we do while you figure it out?" Renji asked softly, "What am I supposed to do while those studies are being done?"

"There's only one way to ensure that there is time to finish the studies and take decisive action before the cluster in you matures. And, because I have no choice, I have already taken that action."

Renji turned his head to look out the window.

"And that was?"

"I sealed your powers and the structure's, so that everything is frozen. You don't have any reiatsu flow...no powers until this is over."

He watched as the redhead quietly absorbed the words, then sighed in acceptance and closed his eyes.

"I've placed a special mod soul inside you so that you have enough reiatsu to function...so you can return to Soul Society. But you cannot, if you go back, allow the Gotei 13 to learn what is wrong with you. Captain Unohana already knows, but she's deferring to me. She won't report it, but...you have to keep other people from finding out. I'm gonna send a report to the fourth division, saying that that you were injured in a skirmish here, and you are recovering. She's going to confirm that she sent Hanatarou to 'examine' you and he will report back that you are going to be fine, but your powers have been affected. It'll be reported as a 'temporary situation.' That will get you the medical leave without the suspicion."

"Right," Renji said defeatedly, "Whatever. just do what you've gotta do. Looks like there's no choice."

"Hey," Kisuke said bracingly, "Keep your chin up, Renji. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and you are going to be just fine."

"Yeah, I know. It just...sucks right now. I hate being in two pieces, especially when one of those pieces is starting things that I don't think I can't finish."

Kisuke met his eyes sympathetically.

"You mean, what Wren and Captain Kuchiki have going on, ne? But, I thought you had feelings for him too. I mean, Wren is a part of you."

"Uh-huh. Yeah. And I admit, I do feel something for him. But you know, there are reasons why I never let it out. Wren doesn't put those limitations on herself. And when we're reintegrated, I don't think I'm gonna be any more likely to feel comfortable having a relationship with him. I just...there's too much reason it's a bad idea."

"Why is that?"

"Come on, Kisuke. you know his clan will be all up in arms about him seeing a guy. They're probably only not shitting bricks over him seeing Wren because she's a girl, and they probably figure a mongrel heir is better than no heir, right?"

"Huh," huffed Kisuke, smirking, "I think you don't give Captain Kuchiki enough credit. He may have lost some of his moxy over the years because of all that happened with his wife. But he still finds a way to skirt the rules when he wants to. And I know what I saw when he was here."

"Yeah," sighed Renji, "He's really attracted to her. I know that."

"Her?" Kisuke repeated, frowning, "I was talking about the concern he had for you, baka! Of course, he is very attentive with your lady half..."

"Kisuke..."

"Sorry, but it's true, buddy. Byakuya is not even trying very hard to conceal it. He's attracted to both parts of you...all of you, Renji. You might want to think about that with all the free time you've got, because, honestly? Captain Kuchiki hasn't shown anything close to that much emotion for another person since his wife passed. And whatever reservations you have about him, you oughta think about the ones that he had to overcome before he could fall for you."

Renji gave the shopkeeper a stricken look and deflated even more.

"Shit...I never even really gave that much thought. I mean, I know he really must have loved her, to go and search for Rukia like he did after she was gone."

"You've got that right," Kisuke affirmed, "Yoruichi used to sneak back into the Seireitei to check up on him. I guess she always had a soft spot for him, because she used to tease him so much and he was a feisty little brat. It was hard for her to watch him go through that and have to hold back from going to comfort him."

"Don't you mean 'going back to torment him?'" Renji laughed half-heartedly, "Kisuke, I hear what you're saying. And you're right. Captain Kuchiki has as much reason as I do to want to hold back from us getting involved. But he's dealt with those feelings and isn't..."

"Yeah," Kisuke agreed, "He dealt with them, and he was so drawn to you that he took a pretty big risk, a chance he wouldn't have before."

"Yeah, you're right."

Renji went quiet, picking idly at the food on his tray, but feeling too sick inside to eat.

"You need to keep up the little reiatsu that you've got," the shopkeeper told him, "Finish that up. Then you can rest some more before going back."

Renji didn't answer, but gave a sigh of resignation and continued eating. He watched out of the corner of an eye as Kisuke left the room, then listened for several minutes to make sure that the shopkeeper was not coming back. Finally, he slipped out of the bed, leaving his nearly untouched food tray on the nightstand. He found his shihakushou and dressed, then climbed out the window and crept away.

His head bent in concentration, Renji opened a senkaimon and passed over into Soul Society. He paused, short of the main Seireitei gates, gazing in the direction of Kuchiki Manor, before shaking his head in frustration and turning towards the Rukongai. So deep in thought that he was barely in control of his steps anymore, he traversed the dusty roadways through the upper and middle districts, before angling towards the very poorest towns that stood in the lower Rukongai.

What am I doing down here again?

I guess it fits since I don't have any powers anymore. My soul broken in half. No reiatsu. No zanpakutou. No place in the Gotei 13. And who knows how long it will be...or if I'll even get my powers back.

Yeah...I fit in here again.

He proceeded down the street, avoiding the weary and hopeless eyes of the street folk, sighing inwardly at the sight of the groups of children roaming about together and looking for vendors who could be easily distracted so that they could steal their next meal.

Lucky for me, I don't need to eat. No reiatsu. No hunger. Great.

He felt tears threaten as he tried to remember the last time he had felt power running through his veins, the last time he'd felt normal...the last time he'd heard the voices of the spirits in his zanpakutou.

"Zabimaru," he whispered, wondering sadly, if he would ever hear their voices again.

"What are you doing here?" asked a chillingly familiar voice, "Visiting your old mongrel friends? No, wait, they're all dead, aren't they?"

Renji stared, unable to make sense of what he was seeing. Then, his features darkened malevolently.

"I might ask you the same thing," he answered in a low, growling voice, "Why would someone like you ever set foot in this place...Masato?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya felt his mind wandering and lifted his eyes to look at Renji's too clean desk and empty chair. The silence in the sixth division office seemed oppressive without Renji's intermittent sighs, sniffs, shifting of papers and occasional questions. He tried to ignore the situation, but as he worked, he found it harder and harder to concentrate, until he could stand it no more. He finished the last of the most critical tasks and uncharacteristically left several reports in his inbox for the next day.

He left the office and stood just outside for a moment, glancing first in the direction of Kuchiki Manor, where Wren was probably sharing dinner with Rukia, then in the direction of the central senkaimon. After several minutes of thinking about it, he turned towards the senkaimon.

I meant to give Renji some space, but I am concerned he is growing too distant. And the message from Kisuke Urahara said that he did not take the latest news well at all.

He thought about the connotations of that and flash stepped faster. He reached the central senkaimon and passed through, barely hearing the Seireitei guards' greetings as he went by. He traversed the precipice world, still at flash step speed, his heart strangely unsettled, and his mind unable to stop seeing Renji's distressed expression. Renji's words, too, seemed to echo oddly in his mind. It was almost as though he could feel the cadence of Renji's aching heart throbbing in his own chest.

I wonder what this feeling is...

The doorway into the living world loomed up before him, and he passed through it and flash stepped down into Kisuke Urahara's underground training area. He touched down in the soft sand, watching as Kisuke paused in the midst of Ichigo Kurosaki's training and gazed at him questioningly.

"I need to speak to Renji," he said simply.

"I thought you and Wren were going to give him some time alone here," Kisuke answered, studying the noble's agitated eyes and lightly sweating form, "Did something happen?"

"I do not know," Byakuya confessed, "I just...had a feeling. Something seems wrong."

"Must have been some feeling, to make you drop everything and burn your thrusters, getting here at top speed."

"I think you exaggerate," the noble said stiffly, causing the shopkeeper to narrow his eyes and shake his head dismissively.

"Really," he muttered, turning back to Ichigo, "Why don't you practice those combinations we were working while I go and take care of this."

"Sure," Ichigo said, nodding, "But, Byakuya, would you like some talking to Renji? Maybe I could talk some sense into him for you."

"Thank you," Byakuya said, catching the substitute shinigami by surprise with the genuine sentiment in his voice, "However, I think that this is something I can handle, Ichigo."

"Sure. Okay," said the younger man, turning back to his practice, "But let me know if he gives you any trouble. I'll come and kick his ass around and tell him what an idiot he's being. It'll be good payback for when he did that to me."

"Hmmm..."

Byakuya followed Kisuke back up into the shop and down the hallway to Renji's room. They paused outside for a moment.

"You were right," Byakuya said softly, "His reiatsu is so low that it almost seems as though he is not there."

"Well, it was either seal his powers away, or whatever that thing is was going to mature. And we don't want that to happen until we know what it is and how it works. There is a lot riding on this."

"I am aware," Byakuya assured him.

He placed a hand on the door and pushed it open gently, his frown deepening as he looked inside and found the room empty.

"Oh boy," sighed Kisuke, shaking his head, "This is not good...really not good."

"Where is he?" Byakuya asked, staring.

"What does it look like," Kisuke asked shortly, "The guy flew the coop."

"What? Why would he do that? Wren and I left...to give him some time to think."

"Yeah?" said Kisuke, "Well, it looks to me like he didn't just need time, but wanted some space too."

"Why would he need to do that?" Byakuya asked blankly, "We weren't planning to bother him..."

"Don't you get it?" Kisuke asked, sighing and shaking his head, "He's scared, Captain Kuchiki. I'd say he's really freaked out. Add to that, his depression over his situation and you get one volatile, confused, runaway redhead."

"I need to find him," Byakuya said, his eyes darkening, "Someone has to talk some sense into him. This can't go on like this!"