The Freedoms Undone

by NoxArkana

Janos Audron, last of the Winged Vampires and the Tenth Guardian. Feared by every living being on Nosgoth and deemed responsible for unspeakable atrocities, his existence was one of solitude, sorrow, fear and horror. He would have never thought that a beautiful creation such as music would make him meet his savior. She was not THE savior. But she saved him nonetheless.

11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Music
Is the strongest form of magic

. . .

«So» Nerissa said with a mirthful smile, «no dark castles hidden in the mountains. No moats, no coffins, no bats...»
Janos smiled as she petted Étienne. The large grey cat had immediately taken a liking to her, while Zoe, always the suspicious one, was currently staring at her while being curled on the spare chair.
«Even if you'll probably do find a bat or two, hidden somewhere, did you actually expect all that? »
«Well, maybe not the coffins. With your wings and all.»
Janos shook his head, still smiling, warm feelings he couldn't quite name making his heart flutter. He almost found it unreal, that he was sitting at the table in his study with Nerissa seated just across it, toying with the blood red apple she'd chosen from the fruit basket. She took a bite out of it, curiously looking around.
«I never thought you'd need a fireplace» she said, eyeing it. «Do you even feel the cold?»
«I... do feel it. Not as strongly as you humans feel it, but I do. Our species must be stronger to fly, the sky is not a warm place after all.»
Nerissa turned her head to look at him and her curls swayed. Her eyes shone bright, their dark color enhancing her perfect skin's pallor. Her dark eyebrows were quirked in an expression of silent questioning.
«But surely the air gets warmer the closer one is to the sun?» she asked, tilting her head to the side.
«No, not really. We could say that the earth is jealous of the warmth the sun offers her, and keeps it within instead of letting it escape into the sky. So the further up you are, the colder it gets... and the more difficult it is to breathe.»
«How is it possible that there is air here, and not up there?»
He shook his head. «That, my lady, I do not know.»
«Stop calling me 'my lady', you overgrown crow» she said absently, turning again towards the balcony.
«Ah, is that how they refer to me in Uschtenheim?» he asked with a smirk, quirking an elegant eyebrow.
«No, it's something I came up with just now. What's his name?» she asked, pointing at the cat in her lap.
«His name is Étienne. The other is Zoe. Do not ask me why those names, they kind of came by themselves.»
«What, did you just start calling them Étienne and Zoe all of a sudden?»
«Yes, kind of, actually. I like to think those are their true names, and they just communicated them to me.»
Nerissa laughed, only to cough as soon as she'd begun. Janos stood up in concern, but she held a hand up to stop him. The ancient vampire waited until the fit had ceased, walking to her as she groaned and clutched her head.
«Sorry» she apologized. «My head throbs still. It won't stop. It's making me dizzy».
«No need to apologize, child. Does it hurt?» he asked.
«Just a little. There's no need of that concotion of yours, its taste does more harm than good» she said with a grin.
He chuckled, a sound that sounded alien even to his own ears, so much was the time that had passed since he'd last heard it. «I know, it's disgusting. It does miracles with aches, though. Maybe you should drink a little more of it, just to be sure.»
Nerissa sighed dramatically. «If you say so. Will you show me around after I do?»
«Of course. Here, drink.»
He handed her a glass goblet mid-way filled with transparent liquid. One could have mistaken it for water, hadn't it been for its foul stench of rotten eggs.
«What on Nosgoth did you put in it to make it smell so?» she asked, both curious and nauseated, taking a sip and swallowing quickly. Janos smiled at her grimace of disgust. «No, I changed my mind. I don't want to know» she cawed, and Janos openly laughed.
She put the empty goblet down and took another bite of her apple, sighing in relief when its sweet taste chased away the foul one of the healing draught.
«I like your laugh» she said suddenly, looking away from him. Janos couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a faint blush appear on her cheeks. The comment made a warm feeling swell in his chest, making his nerve endings tingle, and his feathers bristle. «I know I'll sound selfish... but it... it makes me... feel better. About what happened.»
Janos smiled sadly. He wished she would tell him what had really happened, but he also knew that she would need time. Time to let go of her misplaced guilt and to turn her grief into healthy anger. Maybe, one day, even forgiveness.
But not today.
«I'd do anything within my power to make you feel better» he said lowly. «Know that I'll be there if you ever feel you need someone to talk to.»
Nerissa smiled at him, a sad little stretch of lips that didn't reach her eyes. «Thank you so much, Janos» she whispered. «I owe you... again».
He shook his head. «Don't even mention it. Now, my fair lady, would you like that tour of the vampire's den?» he asked, getting up as he playfully held out a bent arm.
He didn't expect her to actually take it, but it was what she did. Laughing that beautiful laugh of hers, she placed a graceful white hand on his offered arm and smiled. «Since you asked so nicely, my lord» she said playfully.
Janos smiled and led her out of his study, followed closely by both cats. Their steps echoed in the halls of the Aerie, but for the first time since forever, Janos heard another set of steps alongside his own.
It was a beautiful sound. Especially knowing who was making it.
She followed him curiously as he showed her the great balconies of his home, its beautiful, frozen halls with those high, oh so high ceilings, and the hall he himself had helped to build, the one with bloodfountains, bridges suspended in mid-air and the ever-watching eyes. The puzzle still laid there, unresolved, waiting.
«Are those... blood basins?» Nerissa asked quietly, and Janos stiffened.
He should have thought of that -what would she think of him now?
A small part of his mind, the one which desperately craved her company, frantically argued that she already knew what he was, that she'd never said anything of it before, that she'd never treated him as a vampire, just as Janos -just Janos...
But another part of him, the rational one, told him that that wasn't an excuse. He should have never, ever brought her there.
And what then? Let her discover by herself what kind of a monster you are?
«Nerissa... I... I would never-»
A white finger to his black lips silenced his worries.
«You think too much» she said, her low voice echoing in the air. «I only asked because it's... not your style. You're not so macabre.»
He froze even further on his spot. The muscles in his wings were beginning to protest, but he couldn't bring himself to relax them back down.
«We were in a quite macabre state of mind when we built this hall, Nerissa» he murmured.
She comfortingly put a hand on his arm. Janos wondered at the way she touched him -gentle and so natural, as if she had no problems with that at all. Her hand felt cool on his skin, as if she'd just taken it out of cold water.
«You're warm» she said lowly. «They always said that vampires have ice cold skin».
He smiled a little. «Other vampires do. They are dead and their skin acts consequently».
Nerissa lifted her gaze. «So you are... still alive?»
«My heart still beats in my chest, yes.»
The expression on her face could make the stars look as if they were not shining. Framed by dark curls, eyes shining bright and a lovely smile on her lips, her visage was easily the most beautiful thing Janos had ever seen.
«You are a most incredible creature» she said gently.
He chuckled, a sound laced with bitterness. «You have not seen me, Nerissa... not all of me. The things I have done...»
Nerissa turned her head away, looking down where the blood basins were. The light reflected itself on her hair, creating golden reverberations on the soft black locks. The white tunic clung to her body and outlined her curves, generous but not overly wide, graceful and soft.
«I haven't seen all» she murmured. «But that goes for you too, you know?»
Janos' eyes widened slightly and he shifted as she turned, her hand resting on his arm no more. Her eyes spoke of blood and pain, not all directed towards her from others. Sometimes
(maybe more than just sometimes)
it was her directing pain to others. Sometimes, it was the other way around. Sometimes it was another, the bloodied and bruised face that looked from beneath matted hair.
«I've seen how you look at me» she said. «Not the usual insolent look of men. Yours is sweet and sincere... and that is even worse. Because I've hurt my fair share of people too. But most of all, because I can be cruel if I want to be. Because you do not see the monster within, and look at me as if I were an angel that had landed in front of you.
«But I don't have wings, so flying with me won't be easy... because I'm not an angel.» Her head turned away and she closed her eyes. «I'm not an angel.»
«Neither am I, Nerissa» he said lowly. «But do we really need to be angels? It would be so reductive of what we are».
She paused. The silence stretched out until he feared he'd said something wrong, but then she broke it again.
«You're right. We do not need to be angels. It is but another mask... and I do not wish to wear masks any longer». She turned to him. «Not with you.»
«Come» he whispered. «Let us find somewhere less morbid».
Nerissa smiled fondly at him and nodded, following him back and leaving the hall behind. He led her to one of the highest balconies, overlooking the mountains on the other side of the lake. It was silent and peaceful there, with the pleasantly cool wind blowing softly, not yet frozen from the cold harshness of winter.
He gently took the hand she'd rested on his arm, her almond shaped nails brushing his azure skin. He brought it to his lips, a gesture that he knew could bring comfort without being too intimate.
Then why did it feel so warm to kiss her hand like this? And why, while being so warm, did it leave behind the coldness of yearning, of quiet and desperate longing?
Oh, and wasn't that one of the stupidest questions he'd ever wondered?
Didn't he know why?
He knew. He knew.
His treacherous mind had him picture himself holding Nerissa in his arms in mere moments -his wings wrapped around the both of them, those same lips he was covering her knuckles with, closed on her mouth, her eyes covered by her pale lids and his hands in her hair...
It was terryfing.
It was wonderful.
He wanted it to stop.
He wanted it to never stop again.
Janos took a deep breath.
No. She deserves someone young, beautiful, and human. And even if your feeling were mutual, it would be too dangerous for her to be with you. And what life could you offer her? To stay here, in this place, for the rest of eternity? Your burden isn't hers. You have to let her go.
Let her go.
But oh, how that thought hurt. He'd let his guard down, he realized it now, and had fallen, hard, and now the thought of letting her go made his heart constrict and ache.
Oh, my Nerissa, your eyes can make me so selfish...
«Janos...»
He realized he'd spaced out and raised his gaze, meeting the emerald one of his guest.
Nerissa reached up and the back of her long white fingers almost touched his cheekbone in a whisper of a caress, in the same way he'd done, back during their meeting at the lake. Her fingers never touched his face though, coming but a breath away and stopping.
«You took my masks» she whispered. «My masks and my veils... torn at your feet, nothing more than spider webs. The way you look at me...»
Wonder clouded her eyes and she drew her hand back. Janos let her look at him, feeling as she was probing his very soul with those astonishing green orbs, missing the butterfly touch of her fingers on his face. Her eyes slid over his form, taking him in, looking at him in a way that made him feel exposed, vulnerable, and yet safe, warm, and secure.
Nestled on the cool stone floor, their bodies had suddenly found one another, and she now lay in his lap, her back to his chest. In other circumstances Janos would have been uneasy at the closeness, but right then, there was nowhere he would rather be.
«May I?» she murmured. Janos looked down, at those white fingers crowned by long, almond shaped nails, and nodded his head once, eyes lidded and shining golden.
Her soft fingers laced between his own azure ones as she took his hands in hers, bringing them up, exploring. Her fingers traced his, thicker and stronger than hers, ending in long, elegantly curved black claws. Her touch was light, gentle and careful, as if she was afraid to hurt him. No one had ever touched him thus since the Blood Curse.
«I have dreamed of you» he murmured suddenly. The moment the words left his lips, he wished to take them back... but the look in her eyes when she turned to face him told him that there was no need for it. Their faces were just inches apart, her scent of summer eclipsing any lingering doubt and fear.
«Yes, the air was warm, as it is now. You were hidden among the trees of the forest, your eyes dark pools of emerald in the dying light... you were beautiful».
His right hand rose and cupped the side of her face, his thumb brushing her cheek just under her eye. Her skin was soft beneath his palm, the same palm that pulsed with his heartbeat -a heartbeat he felt in his temples, in his chest, in the hollows of his eyelids. The world narrowed, fell away until it comprised nothing but this, the flow of unmistakable attraction between them, their strange mental connection raw with it.
«You are beautiful» he murmured.
Nerissa's eyes fell closed and Janos, eyes half-lidded and golden as ever, leaned in, his heart hammering in his chest as loudly as thunder.
Their lips almost brushed, a ghost of a touch that made their hearts flutter.
The stir in the air came as unexpected as it was unwelcome, and both human and vampire jumped at its sudden tug. Their eyes flew open, meeting in mutual embarrassment, and they hastily wrenched apart, Nerissa's cheeks flushed a pale red that stood out against her pallor. Janos inwardly cursed the one he knew had caused that stir, ripping them apart and causing that unpleasant impasse.
Nerissa smiled faintly. «What was that?» she asked, quickly changing subject.
Janos shook his head, still a little shaken from the almost kiss. Their lips had barely touched, and yet there he was, pupils wide, wings held rigidly and feathers bristled, his heart thundering wildly in his chest...
«I have a suspicion» he said, a little of his concern slipping into his voice. Nerissa immediately noticed it, by the way her eyes sparkled, but decided against saying anything. «I must ask you to retire to your chambers and remain there until I deem it safe for you to come out. I'm afraid he is...»
«I know» she said, smiling that sad little smile that made Janos wish to hold her close once more. «Is he so bad?»
Janos shook his head. «No, child, he is not. I am surprised you actually bothered to ask. Many just stop at his muscle and anger.»
«Thank God I am not like 'many'» Nerissa said playfully. «And besides... you didn't stop at my scars either, did you?»
Janos smiled and led her back inside. He knew Vorador would be waiting in his study, a frown firmly in place on his green-skinned visage, seeking counsel as he had done so many times before.
«I was being serious when I told you to stay in your rooms» Janos whispered. «I do not intend to cage you, but I do not wish to see you hurt. Vorador can be quite... impulsive when it comes to humans.»
«Is that so?» she asked in a mildly amused tone. «I would have never guessed».
Janos chuckled softly and accompanied her to her chambers. There he let his hands linger around hers, unwilling to let them go.
«Nerissa... as for before, I-»
«Ssshh.»
Her voice hushed him softly, with a small smile that could have put the stars to shame.
«Do not apologize for something we both wanted, Janos. You'd spoil the moment and I want to treasure it as perfect as it was. Now go, I'm sure Vorador is impatiently waiting for you.»
And she reached up on her tiptoes, her hands never letting go of his, and placed a delicate kiss on his high cheekbone.
Janos' breath hitched and his wings flared. As their foreheads came to rest against one another, he wished Vorador had better timing than that.
Leaving her like that was the hardest thing Janos had ever done. When he arrived in his study and saw Vorador, though, his regret turned to concern.
«My child» he said softly. Vorador grimaced, as if the words had somehow annoyed him... or had hurt.
«You have the Sarafan at the feet of your retreat» he hissed, thin lips pulled back and fangs in full show. The contrast of the fine lothing and his predatory stance, the pure white fangs against his skin's dark forest green was viscerally terrifying, as were his yellow glowing eyes -the kind of glow of the monsters that live under the bed.
«I am aware» Janos said, approaching him with the same love he'd always showed his short-tempered fledgling, his tone falsely light.
They have burned Nerissa's harp beneath my gaze.
Thank God she'd been unconscious then. He still hadn't told her, didn't know how to. The way the strings had snapped from the heat, the smell of burning wood, the destruction of the very object that had brought them together...
«They didn't know where your Aerie was. What has happened?»
«We both knew it couldn't be kept a secret forever. They would find out, sooner or later. Why are you so upset, my son?» Janos asked, his tone soft.
Vorador snarled viciously. Anyone would have been terrified by the deep rumbling sound that came out of his throat, but Janos knew him well, and knew that growls and hisses weren't -usually- the clouds that brought the tempest. It was when Vorador went very quiet that one needed to be careful.
«Too many alien things are happening» he growled. «First two of my captured children are returned to me by bloody human cattle. Then I get a letter from said cattle in which they write they are the infamous Alétheia and want to seek alliance with me. And last, I hear that the governor of Uschtenheim died on his own sword, pierced through his mouth by the hands of the demon in the mountains. That the Sire I seemingly knew so well kidnapped the fair princess of the city for his own.»
Vorador took a step closer, not expecting Janos to back down -which, indeed, he didn't. The winged vampire just stood still, patiently waiting for the most part of Vorador's anger to cool down. But then Vorador's voice dropped to a low, threatening hiss, and his wings spread slightly in warning.
«How much of those rumors is true?» the younger vampire snarled, rage coming off of him in waves. Janos' wings spread further, feathers bristled, in an unusual display of mingled irritation, worry and exasperation.
«With what intentions do you ask that?» he asked back, voice just a little bit more stern.
Vorador hissed, enraged, and Janos found himself wondering why. It was petty to say, even to think, but didn't he kill and kidnap all the time? It was the reason they'd argued so fiercely the time before. Vorador had just kidnapped and killed the daughter of a lord, and had announced he was going to dump her body on her father's doorstep. He'd said it with a satisfaction that had made Janos want to wrap his wings around himself. The ancient vampire had said that for that one kill, ten vampires were going to die in return, and that had triggered Vorador's anger... an anger, Janos had thought -or maybe just hoped- as he caught his feldgling's eyes, born of guilt...
«So it is true, then?» Vorador asked, incredulous. «Not only you defend them at every turn, you've come as far as to keep one as pet?»
«Do you think so little of me?» Janos answered, more than just a little irritated at the insinuation. «She is no one's pet, as you so sophisticatedly put it, and you of all people should know that I would never keep anyone in such slavery».
«And yet you kidnap her from her own father and bring her here, where she can't escape» Vorador taunted mockingly.
Janos' wings flared out at their fullest in a sudden, uncharacteristically angry manner. Kidnapping? From a man who was going to slam her head into the rocks until her skull cracked open?
«Since when do you pay any heed to what the humans say?» he asked. «None of them saw what I've seen. I did not kidnap her. Nerissa called for help and I was able to grant it to her.»
«Of course» Vorador huffed. «Nerissa? Is that her name?»
«It is.»
The green-skinned vampire seemed calmer now. He had stopped snarling and his breathing was slower. The atmosphere itself seemed cooler, now that Vorador's anger had somewhat subsided.
«I want to talk to her.» Catching his Sire's look, he added: «I will not hurt her.»
Janos sighed. «I know. But you must understand that I cannot trust you entirely with her, as much as I wish I could. I'll remain here, where I can keep an eye on both of you.»
Vorador laughed, the deep baritone sound bouncing on the walls. «Both of us, father? And what could she be capable of, when against a vampire?»
«I do not know. And that's what unsettles me the most.»
Nerissa?
-I'm here. Is everything alright?
Vorador wishes to talk to you. Would you please come in my study? If you're willing to meet him, that is.
He felt her smile in his head.
-Of course I'll meet him. Just give me a couple of minutes.
Vorador, who had watched his father closely and seen his eyes go slightly glassy, had shifted in front of him, stepping closer. Extending a thin fragment of thought, he brushed over his father's mind's surface.
He's... Whispering? But the girl is human...
«Father?»
«She'll be here shortly» Janos said, walking over to his balcony. Vorador just stared at his back and wings, unable to process what had just happened.
«Did you just... Whisper to her?» he asked, stupefied. «I thought she was human».
«She is. At least, the largest part of her is. Beneath her scent, though, you'll find the darker streak of our race.» He breathed in deeply, lacing his hands behind his back. «That was why I told you I do not know what she is capable of. She is able to Whisper just like a vampire, and her skin is colder than the normal humans. She is... unique.»
In more ways than one, he thought, but he didn't say that aloud.
«A sorceress?» Vorador suggested. «Dormant magic suddenly awakening?»
«It could be a possibility. I am not excluding anything at this point.»
«You like her, do you not?» the younger vampire asked suddenly, and Janos' head turned towards him.
Was there even point in denying it? He'd been mere breaths away from kissing her.
And how I wish I had, he thought to himself.
«She must be very attractive» Vorador mused. «It is not every woman that catches your eye.»
She's beautiful. The most beautiful creature I ever laid eyes upon.
«Nerissa is a most fair creature» he said lowly. «And so very young...»
«Age is but a number to a vampire, Sire».
«She's barely reached adulthood» Janos snapped. «I will not-»
«Judging by what I've heard, she's old enough to make her own choices. I suggest you try to... give it a shot, so to speak» Vorador said lightly. «I cannot say I am happy about it... not when she is a human. But I do not want to spoil your chance at being happy, father. Your God knows you deserve it.»
Janos closed his eyes. He wanted to believe him. Badly. But he had too many doubts still, he had to be sure before-
A soft knock came from the wooden doors, interrupting his train of thoughts. He sent a gentle thread of thought to brush over Nerissa's mind and they opened silently, revealing her slightly wary and astonishing figure.
To her credit, she didn't flinch or draw back as she saw Vorador. She did look paler than usual, though, her jaw clenched and her hands gripping the door tightly.
She gave a polite nod of her head to Vorador, but didn't curtsey. As she walked inside, they both noticed the predatory fluidity of her movements.
«Lord Vorador» she said politely, in a quiet yet strong voice. Janos felt a jab of pride at her behavior and hid his smile beneath impassibility.
«My lady» Vorador replied, bowing slightly, not taking his yellow eyes off her. «Although I must admit you surely have good taste, father, I have seen better.»
«Vorador-» Janos began indignantly, but was cut off by Nerissa's laugh ringing in the air. If the green-skinned vampire was surprised to hear that cheerful sound, he hid it well.
«So very sorry to disappoint you, my lord, but you're stuck with me, at least for a while» she said with a smile, looking up at him. «Why do you all have to be so damn tall?»
«You actually found one with a little sense of humour?» Vorador mocked, turning towards his father. «What has come over you, Sire?»
Rolling his eyes, Janos took a step forward as Vorador took her in. He could tell that his fledgling was impressed that she hadn't looked nor acted afraid at his presence, but had outright laughed at his words instead, coming as far as to try and make some sort of reply.
«Janos said you wished to talk with me» Nerissa said, smiling.
«Are you not afraid, child?» Vorador asked, sitting down on a stool by the empty fireplace. «You are a lamb in the clutches of wolves, here».
«Wolves that are pleasant to talk to, at least. No, lord Vorador, I am not afraid of you» she replied with a shrug. «I know it is not the most self-preservating thing to feel, this non-fear, but I do not regret it.»
Vorador smirked. «No, indeed it is not. I must say, though, that I am most curious as to how you came to meet my Sire.»
Nerissa smiled softly as she and Janos sat by the table. «You will find it hard to believe, but it started with a harp. The most prized possession I ever had, and that is now destroyed.»
Janos turned her head sharply towards her. She smiled sadly at him.
«I knew it was in smithereens or ashes when you never mentioned it again. I knew you loved my music, and yet you never spoke the word since I woke up.»
«I should have told you from the start» he said, his voice heavy with sadness.
«You were trying to protect me from the pain. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for your kind intentions.»
«You came to play the harp beneath my father's Aerie?» Vorador asked curiously and, admittedly, also a little bewildered.
She smiled, her white teeth coming into view behind those pale lilac lips. «I did.»
And so Nerissa told their story.

. . .

Authoress' note:
I am a horrible person. So very sorry to have kept you waiting :(
Thank you to all who reviewed! Your reviews were the kick I needed to continue this chapter 3
If anyone's interested in hearing how Nerissa's voice sounds like, I'm adding a link to Lana Del Rey's Once Upon A Dream :) I love Lana and the way she sings, so giving Nerissa her voice felt kind of right :)

watch?v=Qi0dSsZR6E0

I do not own in any shape or form the characters featured in this story -this also applies to the story's image cover and to the quotes at the beginning of each chapter. I only own my OCs and the story's plot.
Comments please!
Have a good day/night and love Legacy of Kain!