This was actually one huge chapter but I broke it into one normal chapter and one long chapter. It kind of progresses quickly and it's kind of a meaty chapter but it was so fun to write and angsty and ahhh
anyway enjoy it the next chapter should be up in like 5 minutes P:
Self harm trigger warning.
Kevin caught the pillow right before it hit him. "No, you're ridiculous for owning this beauty and never using it! Look, you even have the porn channels! That's hilarious." Edd scoffed as he walked into the kitchen to stir the soup and throw in some popcorn. "I think we just have those because my parents order the whole cable package. My family is always away, and I never watch television. Especially not… that." His face flushed. What a strange guy, Kevin was. He barely knew Edd existed a week ago and now he's acting right at home. Edd struggled to stir the soup, a recently carved cut limiting the motions he could make with his wrist. Kevin came into the room. Edd looked the other up and down, slightly disappointed when it appeared that Kevin hadn't put any thought into the way he dressed. Light grey sweatpants and a peach colored t-shirt that had something about the baseball team on it. Edd was a little jealous. Kevin was incredibly muscular, and Edd was sure that most of the athlete's leisure time was spent lifting or jogging. Even his forearms were muscular, long, blue veins were visible from far away. Kevin walked over to the pot, noticing the face Edd made while he stirred it. "What, you hurt or something? I can stir it for you." He said. The air was lighter than the last time Kevin had come over. Their goal was not to study, but to spend time together as friends. The thought made Edd squirm. "Um, yeah, I hit my arm against something earlier, if you wanted to help that would be immensely appreciated." It caught Edd by surprise when Kevin grabbed at his arm. Edd jumped back in terror.
"Good gracious, Kevin!" He yelled, clutching his arm. Kevin's hands had hit the fresh wound. Kevin crinkled his nose, put off by the strange reaction. He shook it off though, and figured the other wasn't touched often or something. "I'm an athlete. I get hurt all the time. I just wanted to see the damage and help if I could." he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. Edd huffed. Great, just great. There was no way out of this without looking suspicious. Nobody had ever pressed him like this besides Eddy, so he was unsure of what to do. "No, Kevin, it's quite alright. I took care of it earlier." The answer seemed to sate Kevin, because he nodded and moved in to stir the soup once more. "It smells so good. I wish we made food like this at my house." He said. He moved to stretch, causing the bottom of his shirt to come up, revealing bare skin. Edd glanced at the top of his pants, a frown tugging at his lip. Kevin was not overweight in any way, but he was heavy, and he was thick. He had defined muscles and Edd could tell that the Redhead was certainly not as thin as he was in middle school. Kevin noticed the other's glance. He flushed, pulling his shirt back down over his pants. As much as he thought of Edd as someone who was normal, the thought of the frail boy's sexuality always lingered in the back of his mind. Maybe it was the high octane, sports driven home he grew up in, but homosexuality reeked of femininity and Kevin was raised to believe it was weak, and wrong. Having been raised in a considerably religious town, many of those around him fostered the idea that being gay somehow made you less of a person, undeserving of compassion or sympathy. It was the entire reason that Edd's life spiraled downwards after outing himself. Kevin clenched his teeth. He saw the gaze Edd had given him, and although he doubted it was sexual or longing, the thought of being checked out by another male made him shiver.
He had never bullied Edd for being the way he was, in fact, he often tried to convince his fellow teammates to back off some days, but it didn't change the stigma that Kevin had grown to know. Edd cleared his throat, bringing Kevin back to earth. "Oh, haha, sorry dude, I spaced out." he said, laughing awkwardly. Edd nodded lightly, and Kevin took note of the other's change in demeanor. Edd ran one hand up his sleeve to feel for a cut he had made a few days prior. Making a mental note of where it was on his arm, he turned to Kevin and smiled. "Well, the soup will be ready in an hour. Wanna watch a movie until then?" The smile on Edd's face prompted Kevin to grin. "Uh, sure, dude. I'm thinking horror." The two boys sat down on the couch and decided on the new paranormal activity movie. While the movie ran, Edd's mind trailed to what had happened earlier. He saw how uncomfortable Kevin had looked when he saw Edd looking at him. Edd could feel tears welling in his eyes. He couldn't screw this up. It was hard enough for Edd to make friends in the first place, but to lose one he had barely had the chance to have? That would hurt worse than not having them at all. Edd let his hand crawl up his sleeve, and began to pick at the scab of the cut he had located earlier. Edd wanted to do more, to run to his room and lock the door and cause real damage. He wanted to cry in the shower and watch his pain run down his body, and disappear into the drain. Edd grabbed the plush blanket near him and wrapped himself in it. Kevin made his heart flutter, and ache. The other male remained oblivious, absorbed in the film playing in front of him. Edd relaxed into the couch, raising the blanket up to his nose. He let the tears fall under the cover of the blanket, eventually bringing himself to stop them.
The stove's timer rang loudly, spooking Kevin enough that he jumped. "Shit! Damn soup!" he laughed, quickly hopping up from the couch and pausing the movie. When the two made their way into the kitchen, Kevin couldn't help but notice Edd's puffy eyes and the dry streaks that ran down his face. Kevin stiffed up. Shit. He didn't mean to make Edd cry. Shit, shit, shit. Kevin clenched his teeth. He was the one who asked Edd to be friends, and now he's gone and made him sad enough to cry? Kevin dished himself a bowl and avoided eye contact with Edd, something that made Edd feel even worse. They both sat at the table, the soup sitting in front of them was too hot to eat. This silence, this uncomfortable air. What happened? Edd wanted to wince, he wanted to cry. He wanted to sob uncontrollably but he was so scared to show that weakness. More than anything, Edd just wanted Kevin to go home, to go away and never talk to him again. At least then he wouldn't have to face him again. Screw Nazz, screw everyone. It was better than the shame he was feeling right now. Edd looked down at his bowl, he had taken such a small portion that the liquid barely covered the bottom of the bowl. He was no longer hungry, and he felt like he was going to vomit.
Slowly, Edd felt himself caring less and less. He had already ruined this friendship by being the way he was. He knew better than to look at Kevin like that, to admire him like that, but he couldn't help it, and now he had ruined everything. "If you'll excuse me," he finally said, getting up from the table and wandering up to his room. Edd slipped off his clothes, throwing them into a pile on his floor. How unlike him. Edd pulled out the pajamas he had had on earlier and slipped them on. He took the bobby-pins out of his hair and pulled it up into a ponytail, and pulled one of his sleeves up to inspect the damage done to the scab he had picked. Normally, Edd would disinfect in right away, but he lost the ability to care. As he pulled his sleeve down, he muttered something under his breath. Kevin, who was on the other side of Edd's door, heard loud and clear, a small, weak voice say "I hope it just gets infected, and then I can finally die."
Kevin's eyes opened wide. No, fuck! Kevin bit his lip hard. He didn't mean to upset Edd, he just reacted normally. He didn't dislike Edd, and still wanted to be friends with him. He fucked up. Kevin looked around, desperately trying to find an answer about what to do. How did such a wonderful day turn so sour? Kevin finally decided on opening the door, to see Edd sitting on the edge of the bed, those toes he had rushed to cover earlier wiggling. Kevin sat next to him on the bed. Kevin never realized how broken Edd really was. Kevin put his face in front of the other's, and smiled. Really smiled. It was warm, and kind. "I don't hate you now, you know. You're not a bad person. You're… you're Edd. Maybe you're gay. I'm not used to having guys look at me that way, but it doesn't bother me. Honestly." Kevin laughed. "I am pretty hot, so.." This got Edd to crack a smile. Kevin noticed the red stain on Edd's sleeve, and moved his hand to touch it softly. Kevin didn't know what he had done to cause Edd to break down this way, but he didn't care. Edd was this way because of him, and it was his job to fix it. "I'm not gonna leave, you know. I'll stay all night, even all tomorrow if that's what it takes. I'm not going to leave you alone. Just like I needed you to save me last night, I'll save you tonight. I promise."
Edd blinked down hard, causing a tear to fall down his cheek. "I'm a mess, Kevin. I'm really sorry." he said, his voice weak and crackly from crying. He used his sleeve to wipe his face, scared about explaining himself. Edd sniffled, before starting. "Well, I'm rough on myself. As rough as other people are on me. I'm thin, Kevin, if you can't believe it." Kevin chuckled quietly, which comforted Edd slightly. "I have to get all my pants tailored. I'm the same size I was 6 years ago around. When I saw your torso, how much you've grown, it just made me a little sad. I wish I could have grown normally, and not like a stick. You look like a football player. I look like the bar that someone like you presses."Edd choked up slightly, and Kevin noticed tears welling in his eyes again. "I'm really bullied, bad. I haven't made a new friend besides Nazz since I moved here in 2nd grade. Ever since I came out, I…" he gulped. "People do that thing. That thing where they grimace when I look at them, or shudder when we make eye contact. The thing that you did." Kevin's mouth opened slightly. He wanted to say something, he did, but it just didn't feel right. He wasn't used to this. The only person who ever opened up to him was Nazz and all her problems where about stupid girly shit and drama. " When- when I saw that face that you made, it made me realize how fragile I am. T-that my existence is based around my sexuality to other people and no matter how hard I try, it's always going to come back to that. It looked like I was going to lose the only chance I've had at a new friend in years before we had even been friends for 24 hours. It's amazing how much that hurts." Edd finished, and he let the tears roll down his face. His neck and chin were soaked, but it didn't matter, he'd take another shower before he went to bed. Before Kevin could say anything, Edd continued. "I know you have no idea what that's like. You have tons of friends, you're popular, and it's really not fair of me to be pushing this on you. I'm truly sorry. It's okay if you hate me. I hate me too."
Kevin put his hand on Edd's shoulder. "I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to react however I did. I want to be your friend and I'm just happy that you trust me enough to open up like this." He might not be the most considerate person, but Kevin was bent on protecting his friends. Their gazes met, and Edd just leaned his head into Kevin's shoulder. It was something he did with Eddy when he broke down. Edd wished that Kevin was Eddy right now. "Hey, uh, Double Dee?" Kevin asked, hesitant to back away in fear of upsetting the other further. Kevin guessed that Edd must have been at his breaking point for a long time, and that he was the one who set him off. After no response came from Edd, the redhead relaxed into the other, and they sat like that for a few long minutes. Kevin's eyes flicked open when he heard Edd's soft voice. "I'm sorry for this. It's not your fault, I guess I've just been suppressing myself for a long time and I finally cracked, I guess. You can go, if you want. I'm not your responsibility." Kevin shook his head. "Like when you don't masturbate for a while!" Edd grinned. "Is that all you think about?" They laughed, before the Redhead let go of Edd and stood up. "You invited me over, and offered to make me cake. Now, I'm not leaving until I get that cake, and you're in no position to be baking, so I guess I'm staying right here with you."