ELEVEN: SWAY

Second weekend in February, they were at a hotel near the lakes. Monster hunting, apparently. Hadn't even left the fucking room yet. Willow was shit at cover stories.

Leaning over the side of the bed, Faith dug through her holdall, then turned back round again.

"Wasn't exactly sure if 'hanging out and screwing' qualifies …"

Willow looked at her, smile as big as, well, the box Faith slid onto her lap. "You didn't have to … but, yeah, of course, it totally qualifies."

Faith returned a smile of her own, relieved to be rid of the sick feeling in her stomach. That there was no overwhelming sense of The Wrong Thing to Do, the threat of which had kept her lurking outside the doorway of the store for at least fifteen minutes until Dawn told her to stop being a spaz:

"It doesn't have to 'mean' anything. It's just a nice thing to do. Plus, I'm pretty sure that girl behind the counter's about to call the cops …"

"I don't think so," Faith had said with a sneer, but she went inside anyway.

Like, who the fuck would hold up a candy store?

On a dare, one of the newbies drew a picture on Faith's locker with a black sharpie: a frowny face, with the words I IZ GROUCHY YO! scrawled underneath.

"Second I saw it, the waterworks started," said Faith as they walked through the gates into the cemetery. "Now that was disappointing."

Willow grinned. "Buffy said she thought the girl was gonna wet herself, so, you know, coulda been worse."

"Man, I'm tellin' you, some of them … B tell you about those two Valentine's cards she got?"

"With the fangs drawn on?"

"Yeah. I mean, sure, it was pretty funny, but you know who's telling them all this shit, right? Fucking Andrew."

"You think so?"

"Well … probably. All that 'Dark Slayer' crap, that's definitely him, like I don't have enough of that shit to deal with … except I think in his version, I've got a smaller waist and bigger tits. Made himself scarce when I was in Cleveland, so I guess that's an upside."

Willow gave her a sympathetic smile. "If you like, I can talk to Giles. Or, you know, turn the little weasel into … well, an actual little weasel someone could accidentally stomp on."

"Offerin' to fight my battles for me? That's … kinda hot."

"Here to help."

"Thanks, but I'll deal. Tryin' to be philosophical about it. Figure as long as the little fuck's head's still attached to his shoulders, it means I've grown."

That raised another grin. "So, what happened to the newbie with the sharpie?" Willow asked, holding out the bag of chips in her hand.

The Slayer shook her head. "No, thanks. Uh … made her take it off with some cleaner from Xander's workshop, plus clearing away the equipment after training for a week. That was for the caving in under no pressure."

"Man, you're such a tyrant."

Faith chuckled. "Well, daring escapades aside, they know to keep it dialed down, sure, but it's not like some of them never get mouthy or whatever. Just the other day, one of them's like, Don't you ever read any proper books?"

"What were you readin'?"

"One of Xander's 'graphic novels'. I was only lookin' 'cause he left it in the rec room. It was pretty fuckin' graphic too. Have to show it to you sometime." Faith raised an eyebrow and Willow smiled.

"You know, I kinda envy that a little," said Willow. "Not the comic porn, I mean. The mouthy-ness and the other stuff?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean, they're all really sweet, so it's not like they run screaming or anything … I guess I just thought the Slayer spell was gonna be the big thing that'd make the new ones all, 'Hey, she did this awesome thing for us! She can't be bad!', which, on the surface, sure, but there's always just this underlying … thing." Willow looked at her. "In other words, I think it kinda made it worse in a way."

Faith looked back at the woman who helped them with college applications and jacked up their laptops, gave them hugs and baked them cookies. "You mean, 'imagine what she could do if you did piss her off'?"

"Yeah, that."

"Guess sometimes irony kinda sucks that way."

Willow shrugged. "I don't blame them – I can't even blame Andrew for it – but, yeah, kinda sucks."

They paused at a trash can so Willow could ditch the now-empty bag of chips, then continued along the path.

"Hey, did B tell you what she did with those cards?"

Willow shook her head.

"Stuck them on that notice board behind her desk, then called them all in for a 'meeting' on Monday. Didn't say a word about it, just stood in front of that board, talkin' about weapons or some shit, cool as fuck. Man, you shoulda seen their faces …"

"Aw, you're bein' all sweet about Buffy again. That's so cute …"

"No, I'm not. One cool thing, Willow, that's all."

"So, is there a lesson there I should be takin'?"

"Not particularly. Can't be wise and insightful all the time. You want a lesson … I dunno … maybe 'fuck 'em'?"

Willow smiled. "I'll take that under consideration. Thanks."

They stopped outside the crypt.

"Okay," said Faith. "Reckon there's about a dozen of them in there. You take out six – no more – and I'll get the rest."

Willow nodded. "Stop at six. Got it."

Inside, Faith watched the other woman turn half the nest into dust in little more than the time it took for the door to swing shut behind them, almost as quick as it took Faith to get her stake out even. One vamp after another while they were running around like crazy, diving for cover, no less. Fingertips crackling with energy, black eyes gleaming, Willow turned to her, grinning wide, more or less evenly split between Look what I did! and Look what I didn't do!

No sweat, no fear. Just the aftermath to live with now.

Two days later, Faith gave one of the newbies ten dollars and told her to crank call the number she handed her.

The girl looked at the scrap of paper and blinked nervously. "But, isn't this —"

"Hey, ten bucks'll pay for your next few issues of Teen Queen Scene."

"Uh … that's not even a real thing."

"Whatever. Just do it or I'll … go all Dark Slayer on your ass."

Eyes wide, the girl bobbed her head up and down and left the locker room.

Later that afternoon, Faith was sitting on the back porch steps when the kitchen door opened and Willow came out.

"The refrigerator's still runnin'. You know, in case you were interested?"

Back still turned, the Slayer frowned. In retrospect, she should have probably waited a bit longer and made sure she'd get something more original for her ten bucks.

She looked over her shoulder, saw that 'box of candy' smile.

Then again, there was a reason it was a classic.

Buffy finally got around to asking Faith about 'that thing' she said 'in the gym that time'.

"About Willow … and me? 'Cause unless you know something I don't, I really don't think …"

At first Faith pretended not to remember. Then, when she did 'remember', she told Buffy that, no, she didn't know anything, she was just shootin' her mouth off, didn't mean anything by it. Buffy seemed happy enough with the crappiest explanation for anything ever and that was that.

Of course, it was a lie … but not really, since it didn't seem to matter much anymore who or what anyone might have wanted back in the day. Sure, Faith's thoughts still drifted that way every so often, but that was then, this was now and, while the Chosen One might still have some hold on ... well, practically everyone within sucking-the-same-air distance, things had changed.

Because, by now, Willow … belonged to Faith wasn't the right way to put it. Outside of really specific sexyfuntimes, that sounded kind of creepy and weird. Maybe it was more like a library book situation, except Faith wasn't ready to put Willow back anytime soon, overdue, stamped or otherwise.

From behind her computer, she looked across the office at Buffy, sitting behind her own desk, trying to balance an eraser on the sharp end of her pencil. They'd finished up that week's paperwork fifteen minutes ago, and were waiting for the newbies to clear out of the gym so they could do some sparring before dinner.

"What's another word for 'belongs'?" Faith asked.

The eraser tumbled onto the desk. "You mean like the verb? Like, when you own something?"

"Uh, yeah, but not really."

"Um, well, I guess you could say, like, something's in the right place, like this stapler belongs on my desk." Buffy raised her eyes in thought. "Or, you know, like when something just feels right …"

Faith frowned and sat up a little.

"Is that the one?" Buffy asked.

"Uh … sure. Whatever."

Buffy squinted at her. "Are you doing a crossword?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Somethin' like that. Thanks."

The other Slayer smiled a pleasant little happy-to-help smile and went back to balancing her eraser.

Faith went to pick Willow up from college after a late night at the campus library. Willow was standing outside, drinking coffee, talking to one of those cute, preppy-looking chicks with a headband and a blazer and Bass Weejuns that matched her sweater.

Willow got in the car.

"Your friend need a ride?"

"No, I don't think so."

"D'you ask her?"

"I mean, she's got her own ride."

"Right." Faith glanced back at preppy-chick, then pulled away from the curb and they left the campus.

At three o'clock in the morning, Faith accidentally woke Willow up by turning on the lamp beside Willow's head and repeatedly prodding her on the arm, then holding her nose shut until she opened her eyes.

"Listen, I've been thinkin' …"

Willow snorted and rubbed at her eyes and yawned. "Huh?"

"That whole seein' other people thing …"

"What … uh … there's a 'seeing other people' thing?" Willow sat up a little and yawned again. "Well, sure, I guess we never really —"

"Yeah, I'm thinkin' I don't wanna do that."

"Uh … okay … were you doin' it before?"

"No, I'm just sayin'."

"So, you're sayin' you don't wanna do that thing that we haven't been doing anyway?"

"Well … yeah, I guess so."

"Okay. Let's keep not doing that then. I'm gonna go back to sleep now …"

"Most of them are kinda redundant, considering the texts we've already got in the library, but twenty bucks for the collection …"

Willow started to sift through the pile of books on her bed, stuff she'd picked up in a second-hand store in Albuquerque, stories about Gods and Goddesses from different places, lots of freaky rape and death shit, like Persephone and Hades, and Kali drinking blood from headless corpses on the battlefield.

"Wicked gross. Those are your buddies, right?" Faith was lying across the bed on her stomach, idly flipping through pictures of Cronus wrestling with Zeus then, a couple of pages along, eating his own offspring.

Willow shrugged. "Well, we don't hang out over mochas ..."

Faith looked at her, shook her head. "Jesus, Willow, that's fucked up." Laughing, she closed the book again and dropped it back onto the pile.

Willow started to clear the books onto the floor, pausing to peer at the cover of the last one, something about Greek myths with a picture of a guy looking into some water. "You know, some people claim it's the ultimate expression of narcissism – two women. Like, too much interest in yourself ... that way."

Faith snorted as she sat up. "What a crock. How about jerking off? That's gotta be more about digging yourself than makin' it with another chick, right?"

"Believe it or not, there's a similar theory along those lines too."

"Christ, can't fucking win then." Faith grinned, suddenly picturing a grim nod of agreement from the newbie with the Hillary Clinton boner who only listened to 'women-centered electro-punk'.

It was almost midnight when Willow drew the shade over the window and let Faith undress her, let her eyes, fingers and mouth map out all the differences between them. They weren't the same, not even close. Willow didn't need to use Faith's darkness as a cautionary tale, didn't look at her and simply see the road not taken, or a shadow of the things that she couldn't have.

She drew a soft breath through her teeth as Willow pushed her shirt up and her tongue traced a damp path along the scar on her gut. Remembered a time when she was nothing, when she'd had to force herself into another body before she could even pretend to be an actual person. Now Faith thought she might be something else again. Something more than just the other and less than what she'd tried to be.

And, fuck, if she wasn't beginning to want things she thought she might have a chance of getting, even if she couldn't explain to herself what they were.

Maybe she wasn't there yet, and there was always a chance she might never make it, but more and more, Faith could feel herself becoming a real girl.

Hanging out in the dining room with Buffy and a pitcher of margaritas while Willow was visiting her folks over the weekend and Xander was running some 'Second-Tier DC Superheroes Night' for the newbies.

("How come Xander never visits his folks?"

"You haven't met them. No one should ever visit those people, trust me."

"Heard from your dad lately?"

"Nope. Probably somewhere in Europe banging another secretary. I don't care."

"Maybe he's been tryin' to get in tou—"

"I don't care.")

Faith considered the question. Not that carefully. "Truth."

Buffy looked disappointed. "I thought you'd pick dare."

"Not much I haven't done, B, so not much point."

"But, I was gonna make you wear a flower in your hair."

Faith swallowed her mouthful of tequila. "That's it? Seriously? I'd look hot with a flower in my hair."

"While you were training your girls on Monday. It was a really big one too."

Faith nodded approvingly. "Fair enough. Too bad I didn't pick 'dare' then. And I'm not gonna pick it now."

The pout came out. "You're no fun."

"Tell ya what, see how loaded we get and maybe I'll slip up and choose it later."

"I'm not gonna get loaded."

"Cool, more for me then." Faith glanced at Buffy's glass. Her third – almost gone – which meant there was a good chance she was already on her way to loaded whether she liked it or not.

Buffy leaned her elbow on the table, rested her chin in her hand. "Okay, tell me one thing you're too embarrassed to tell Willow."

"Sorry?"

"Truth. You know, Truth or Dare?"

Faith looked at the other Slayer.

I almost threw up in the toilet the night before Valentine's Day.

I don't like it when she isn't happy.

Every now and then I have messed-up thoughts about a certain other … people.

I worry sometimes I'm not smart enough for her.

Out of everyone I know, I like her the best.

When she's not around, I feel lonely.

Faith sat up, cleared her throat. "I jerked off when I talked to her on the phone last night."

Buffy's hand fell to the table with a thump. "God, Faith, I can't believe you just told me that!"

Faith couldn't believe it either. Fucking moron. She should have just picked 'dare'.

"Jeez, I wish I was loaded …" Buffy looked at her, pissed off, curious, maybe not unsympathetic. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Faith looked back and, all of a sudden, felt like crying. "I don't know."