James paced the floor of the CIC in anger.
That bastard Admiral nearly got them killed. He really wanted to give him a piece of his mind. The moment Shepard had fallen down the walkway as it gave way under the attack, and soon after, floating off in the zero-gravity, had seriously scared him. The friendly geth, Legion, had grabbed him and the quarian, but Shepard had been too far from his reach and only just managed to grab a hold. As she'd climbed into the geth fighter's cargo hold he could see her pale face even through her visor, her eyes haunted.
He imagined her reliving the moment she was dying in space. She had enough shit going on without being reminded of that up close and personal.
Then he saw two of the quarian admirals making their way through the ship towards the CIC.
"Your unilateral strike endangered us all! I should charge you with treason," came the voice of Admiral Raan.
"I was within my authority as admiral of the Heavy Fleet!" defended Gerrel.
James practically growled.
Just then Shepard emerged from her talk with Hackett, Tali at her side.
"And what of Shepard? And Tali'Zorah?" argued a disgusted Raan.
The two admirals were now slowing as they neared Shepard.
James crossed his arms, hoping Shepard would ream him out, though personally he'd like nothing more than to punch the bastard.
"They escaped unharmed! Shepard, the mission parameters changed. You're military. You understand that."
James watched her anger manifest in her closed fist.
"I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw safely!" Shepard said sharply.
"The-" was all Gerrel could say before Shepard punched him right in the stomach. James couldn't help his mouth falling open. She actually punched the quarian admiral! Then he came to his senses and inwardly cheered, whilst outwardly smiling in pride. Go Lola!
"Admiral, you jeopardized your mission and your people! Get the hell of my ship!" Shepard shouted the last part loud and clear. James had never seen her so angry, and damn she was sexy!
Gerrel, sensibly, just straightened gingerly and left. As he hobbled through the airlock, James smirked as he saw Joker in the cockpit doing a fist pump of joy.
"Shepard, I understand you're angry-" Raan tried to placate Shepard.
"If I didn't need your fleet…" Shepard warned.
Then she stalked over to the elevator where James was now standing. He went in with her and once the doors had closed she 'RRAAHHH'd' in an outpouring of tension. James just grinned at her.
"Better?"
She took a deep breath.
"Much," but then her shoulders slumped, and her eyes fell down to the ground. He noted how tired she looked too.
"Hey," James said softly, moving in front of her and placing his hands on her arms. "Talk to me."
"We don't need this, James. We need the Quarian fleet, not another war to deal with," she sighed.
Before James could open his mouth the doors opened at crew deck and Alenko paused in the entrance. James let his arms drop and decided to exit there.
"I'll catch you later, Lola," and he groused internally about the damn Major turning up every time he had her alone….then he admonished himself for being selfish, and hoped like hell that Alenko was giving her the balm she needed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx
James sat beside Alenko and Tali, anxiously watching Shepard running towards the Reaper.
Towards
.
It was insane, but he got why she was doing it, he just hated the fact he was on the sidelines instead of being by her side.
She was fearless as she started aiming the targeting gun at it while it began to turn towards her, it's red beam charging up to fire at her. She waited until the last second before she dived, and they all let out breaths as she regained her footing and targeted again. The ships above had a target and fired, and though it damaged the Reaper, it wasn't enough, so she started again. The scarier thing was that the Reaper was closing in on her too. It was nearly on top of her now, and she'd have less time to target, but she kept at it, dive, up, target. His nerves were in tatters until another air strike took it down, and it stayed that way.
"WWOOOO-HOOO!" James yelled, and this time he was joined by Tali, Alenko grinning. He sat back as his adrenaline leached away, trying to catch his breath, while Tali jumped out to join Shepard.
James stumbled to his feet behind Alenko and Legion and they met up with Shepard on a ledge overlooking the Reaper.
The damn thing was talking to her. The usual spiel about their fight being futile and how the Reapers were their salvation. Then it died away. Legion was busy doing something techy and James heard that bastard Admiral, calling for a strike against the weakened Geth. Legion was begging Shepard to help them, and he wondered what the hell the robot was expecting her to do.
Shepard looked stricken. She was being made to choose between the Geth and the Quarians.
James watched as she battled within herself. He looked over at Alenko, surely he'd help her out - support her somehow, because he was a Spectre too right? He could help with the big decisions like this, but it was clear from the man's face he was at a loss. James cursed to himself. She wouldn't survive this guilt, and he moved to give her his opinion, so she could share the burden.
When push came to shove, no matter how unfair the Geth had been treated, they weren't organic. Sure, they'd come far, much like Edi, reaching something akin to real life, but they were still machines. In theory they could be rebuilt.
Standing in front of her now, she looked up at him and he saw a determined look steel her face.
"No. Nobody else dies today. Legion, keep going." Her voice was strong.
"Shepard?" Tali questioned uncertainly.
James was sure she wouldn't doom Tali's people but he didn't understand what she was doing.
Shepard activated her comm.
"All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The Reaper is dead. Stand down."
"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority," Tali added in back up.
"And mine as well," came Admiral Koris' voice.
Thankfully, Shepard had sent Garrus, Tali and Liara to rescue him when his ship went down, while she, James and Alenko had gone with Legion to bring down the Geth nodes - an uncomfortable few hours of standing in Alenko's company, making small talk, while they watched over Shepard's inert form inside the geth module, while wondering what the hell was happening inside her head - and now the peace-minded Koris was there to support Shepard.
"Negative! We can win this war now! Keep firing!" The bastard Admiral Gerrel was still causing trouble.
"Sixty percent," informed Legion as he continued his download that would give all Geth free will.
"The geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking they'll wipe you out," warned Shepard over the comm.
Would she really let that happen? He tried to understand her thinking, as she continued.
"Your entire history is you trying to kill the geth. You forced them to rebel. You forced them to ally with the Reapers."
Now James understood. She would always stand with those who were innocent, no matter who they were, and in this instance they were the geth, but she was sure as hell going to give the quarians a chance to do the right thing.
"Eighty percent," Legion stated.
"The geth don't want to fight you. If you can believe that for just one minute, this war will be over.
You have a choice. Please. Keelah se'lai."
James waited with bated breath, alongside Shepard and the others.
"All units… hold fire."
James' jaw fell open at those words coming from Gerrel. She'd done it! He looked at her now and she was the picture of relief, allowing a small smile to light her face, as she turned to Legion.
"Error. Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required."
James had no idea what the meant but he didn't like the sound of it, and he watched Shepard's face fall into a frown.
Legion turned to Shepard.
"Shepard-Comamander. I must go to them. I'm…I'm sorry. It's the only way."
Oh no. James watched the machine suddenly drop and Shepard gasped, her hand reaching out, as it thudded to the ground. She turned away and James wondered how much more this woman could take. Legion may have been a machine, but to Shepard it was more like a child trying to understand the world. Then he wondered why Alenko couldn't see her pain, wasn't offering her solace, or was he so stuck in maintaining an appropriate behaviour on the field that he could just ignore it? Seemed so. So James rested his hand on her shoulder in support, and she absent-mindedly reached up and placed her own on top of his.
"Shepard-Commander."
A geth prime approached and addressed her, and she stepped towards it, looking so hopeful as she spoke.
"Legion?" Then the hope vanished as it corrected her with an apology, and offered assistance to the quarian people.
James still couldn't believe what Shepard had achieved.
Tali was talking to her now,and they sat together looking out at the horizon. Tali thanked her and then removed her mask. James was itching to see, but he refused to intrude on the moment, so he contented himself with memorising Shepard's profile, against the background of the setting sun. Stunning.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
James was sitting at the poker table, more happy than he should have been, given the hell that had descended.
The galaxy was finally coming together, Cortez was moving on and was currently enjoying himself up in Purgatory, and - he looked down at the cards in his hand - and he had an unbeatable hand.
Yep, enjoy the good times when you can.
Then he was distracted from the table in front of him by the sight of Shepard passing, her attention on her omni-tool, oblivious to his presence.
He tried to focus on his game but he found his eyes searching for her again, shifting in his seat slightly to get a better view. She was talking to someone in her earpiece as she stood at a terminal.
"Hey, Vega! Make your bet, already!" groused the guy opposite.
James returned his gaze to the table. He really needed to get a grip.
"How about I double it!?" James added his chits to the pile with a flourish. He was rewarded with some winces.
"I'm out," moaned the turian next to him.
"I'll meet ya. So, come on, Vega. Show us what you got," said the guy opposite, as he laid down his cards.
It was a decent hand but James had it in the bag. His smile was huge as went to lay down his winning cards. Then his eyes flitted back to Shepard for a moment, and his heart jumped into his throat.
A batarian had a gun against her head! He couldn't believe his eyes, his cards fell to the floor as he leapt out of his seat and across the table, over the railing.
"HEY!" he shouted angrily, pausing a short distance from the two.
The batarian hardly spared him a glance. Please don't let this be happening! Damn it! He had no gun.
"Stay back, human. This has nothing to do with you," the batarian sneered.
"It has everything to do with me, asshole. She's with me."
James' hands fisted, but he felt completely powerless. He was supposed to protect her, and he'd failed big time.
"It's okay, James," Shepard spoke up, her voice calm.
"Balak, we're the best hope for this galaxy. If you care about your people…" she left the rest to the batarian to work out. James could see the hesitation in his posture.
"….Aagh!" Balak expressed his anger as he reluctantly lowered his gun, hate radiating from him. He turned and walked away from her, passing James with a glare.
"Our ships are yours," he growled over his shoulder.
James felt shaky now the situation had ended. He could have lost her!
"Shit, Lola! You okay?"
Her face was a scowl as she watched Balak walk away. Before she could respond a C-Sec officer ran over.
"Shepard! Are you all right?" the woman asked, her own face pale.
"Fine. You won't have any more trouble with those codes."
So she'd been helping the officer out, James lamented. Did she never stop working?
"Is that…Do you want me to arrest him?"' the officer indicated to the retreating batarian.
Shepard fixed a murderous gaze on Balak's back.
"I want you to put a bullet in his head…but we're all making some sacrifices today. Let him go. Spectre authority."
"Understood, Commander. And thanks." The officer left.
Shepard finally looked at James.
"I'm fine, really, James. Thank you."
She rested her hand on his arm and moved off toward the elevators.
He sighed. Well, he'd just aged ten years.
He looked back to the poker table, the game had moved on in his absence, the other player having taken the winnings the minute James had dumped his cards. He gave another sigh. Looks like he'd also made a sacrifice today.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x
He stared at the message for the hundredth time. He still couldn't believe it. He should have been overjoyed, and he had felt a touch of pride, but it was tempered by his uncertainty of his own worth. He didn't know if he could do this. He didn't know if he was good enough. He needed advice and there was only one person he wanted to go to for that, but he was loathe to intrude on her time, she was so busy with everything. Then he realised that it was going to drive him crazy if he didn't deal with it, and he quickly typed out his own message and sent it to Shepard before he could change his mind.
Within five minutes she surprised him by inviting him up to her cabin.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
James strolled into her cabin and suddenly felt self-conscious. The last time he'd been in here, she was about to be taken into custody. It felt like a life-time ago.
"Hey man, how's it going?" he then swore at himself in his head. Yeah, real smooth, Vega.
"Good James. You?"
"Good. Good."
He made a show of looking around the cabin so he didn't have to meet her eyes. Hm, deva ju.
"Wow. So this is what I can look forward to when I get my own command." He studied the tank, still full of colourful fish, the now extended ship display, and noticed that the desk, still covered in way too many data pads, was now missing the photo frame. So she hadn't replaced it.
"You want your own ship, James?"
"Yeah. Maybe one day, when I'm old and I can't fight worth shit anymore," he couldn't help jesting with her and he half-laughed as he said it.
She went with it.
"You just come up here to make fun of your Commander?"
Maybe she has his picture by her bed now, he wondered, uncomfortably.
"Sorry, Lola."
He approached her then, and tried to organise his thoughts.
"I guess… maybe I've got some things on my mind. I wanted to get your opinion on something."
"Shoot."
Given what could have happened to her earlier, he didn't find that amusing.
He went on to ask her about N7. Someone had sent a commendation to N7 and he was unsure about taking it. He still had reservations about his ability to command - born from his time on Fehl.
"What went wrong?" Shepard asked him, gently.
"What didn't go wrong." His hand went to his head.
He recounted the mission. His unit was betrayed by a Cerberus agent, within the colony they were protecting, who was working with the collectors. He'd killed the man and destroyed the collector ship, but it had gotten ugly and they lost most of the colonists and all but one of his squad.
She could see his guilt coming off him in waves. She knew what that felt like.
"You can't blame yourself for being put in a tough situation. And if you were promoted, then something must've gone right."
"Sure, but-"
"If you'd saved them all, would things have worked out better?"
"I…" James faltered then. "I don't know. I don't think so." She was right, he thought. If he'd saved the colonists he'd probably still be here with the N7 commendation in his hand, just without the guilt.
"The right choice is usually not the easy one," she said sadly.
"Yeah." They shared that mutual understanding again.
"Did you know that before you joined the N7?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.
"Yeah. That's why I was asked. And it's why they asked you. There's not a single N7 who hasn't sacrificed either themselves or their soldiers, at some point."
"Would you have done the same in my position?"
He didn't know why he'd asked a question he already knew the answer to. She'd do the opposite.
"No. I would have sacrificed the data to save the lives…but then, I've always been more emotionally tied to the situations I find myself in. It's probably what makes you a better soldier than me."
James' eyes widened at her statement, then confusion furrowed his brow.
"That batarian - on the Citadel? He was a terrorist I came across, trying to send an asteroid into Terra Nova."
'Holy shit." James shook his head in disgust.
"I let him walk so I could save the three hostages he had. There's no telling how many lives he's taken since then…. You focused on the bigger picture, the path that would have ultimately led to saving more lives - had things not worked out on the collector base, that data would have been instrumental…. I have more respect for you than you realise, James- being able to take those hard decisions. I've always taken the easier option - easier on my soul, anyway - until I was given no choice with the Alpha relay. I don't know how you did it, but it was the right decision, James."
James quietly contemplated her shocking confession.
"So you think I should accept?"
"Assuming we survive this, that's a no-brainer. You're a damn good soldier, James. Don't waste that opportunity."
"I'll think about it. Seriously. If you don't mind, maybe don't mention this to anyone else."
"Of course not."
"Gracias."
His brain was swimming, with a new-found pride in himself. Shepard had twisted those uncomfortable doubts and guilt, and formed it into something positive. He could believe in himself again - because she had shown him that his decision was born from strength of mind.
Once again conscious of where he was he quickly added, "Well, I think I better get back to the hangar." Then he couldn't resist.
"Things here are just a little too soft for me."
His eyes flicked to the bed and he faltered as he noted a frame beside her bed. She had replaced it.
Shepard grinned at his cheeky comment.
"The bed's a lot harder than it looks."
She couldn't believe she'd just said that. Brain before mouth, Shepard.
James almost lost it at her slip-up, and used it to his advantage, stepping closer to her.
"Are you flirting with me, Lola?"
She just crossed her arms in front of her and gave him a 'the look'.
"I'm going, I'm going," and he held his hands up in surrender. Inwardly, he really was surrendering. She was out of his reach.
"Thanks again, Shepard."
"Anytime."
Shepard watched him walk away and wished he'd seen through her façade.