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My people!
According to the news, the 'Taliban should join peace process'. Well, first off... I really like this news thing where people apparently write newsworthy things for everyone to read. You people really have come far! It is a far cry from the town crier and the occasional traveller you talk to. From all the land, everyone can read and hear and see what is going on and, most of the time, why. My question is: why, if you have all that power right at your finger tips, do you spend your energy and gold on stories athbout the uncouth utterings of barely clad harlots who pretend to sing or people whose only cliam to notoriety is that they shocked the already severely jaded sensibilities of my people? Why, I ask you? Why?
Secondly, those Taliban sound like pretty bad guys. Why have a peace process in the first place? Merlin says it will be too difficult to kill them all and also something about every culture being worthy that I don't understand. Of course not every culture is worthy? Look at Mercia! They killed indiscriminately, were without honour and if their king was even more inbred, he'd be a sandwich! Anyway, I really don't see why men who repress an entire populace and force them to worship like they do should be allowed to remain unchecked. At least some of our soldiers are there helping out. I feel a fierce pride for them and their hard work. My royal salutations to prince Harry, who served there with distinction. I shall certainly offer him a high position in the royal court, when his grandmother finally yields to fate and hands over the reins to me. She will simply have to see sense some day.
I do not like his father overmuch. He looks like he should have been buried years ago and Merlin says he has some very weird ideas about healing. At first, I thought it was good to heal with herbs, how else would you go about it? Then, my servant explained the medicine is very different now and also that those herbs and other things are diluted more often than there are stars in the heavens. Amazingly, this Charles still expects it to work, or work even better. Well, my people, how to put this.. I do not suffer fools gladly.
Talking about healing. Does anyone know what a police call box is? The best healing, miraculous healing in fact, that I ever saw did not come from my court physician but from a rather strange, foppish man who suddenly appeared in the court and fought of a monster. He said it was alien and alien to our lands it surely was. This was in itself nothing unusual. Magical monsters appeared on a roughly weekly basis and that was the only time some stranger turned up to kill it for me. He called himself The Healer, wore very strange clothes, more like what is normal now than what was customary in my time, and kept laughing and making snide remakes. He disappeared as suddenly as he came. One of courtiers later confessed he had seen a big blue cupboard with the words Police Call Box on it. The healer... the healer who? Merlin is no help. When I asked him, he just spit his cornflakes accross the table and disappeared into his bedroom.
Curses, I am all fired up. Far too energetic and a bit jittery. I have no idea why, or it could be the fizzy beverage I just consumed. I comes in a can made from what looks like a very thin form of tin and is silver and blue. There is an angry cow on it, for some reason. Merlin keeps three or four in his cold cupboard usually. Maybe I shouldn't have had them all.
Anyway, thank you for sending me some more money. I shall need a whole lot to run a proper court, when it finally comes to that. Money isn't worth a lot anymore. The most basic things take numbers of pounds (pounds? why? that's a weight!) higher than I care to count to for fear of losing place. Since having seen The Queen's (for now) Palaces, I have decided I want to live in Windsor Castle. I will have to take out all the glitzy stuff and the overdone finery, make it a proper castle again. I am sure that will take a ton of pounds as well. So, don't forget about my kickstarter thingy for setting up the true royal house.
That leaves one big problem for me. What am I going to be king of? There are so many countries and parts of countries and sets of them, it boggles the mind. How on Earth did you guys allow it to happen that Ireland is part of your country but only in part? Why? It's far too complicated. Islands all over the place, countries split into parts that have different names for no real reason... At first I thought I'd be king of only those people who speak the same language but Merlin showed me a map, in the form of a ball for some reason, and showed me how much work that would be. Then again, Scotland is part of the country right now and they don't really speak the same language, do they?
I might have to go for the entire planet. A planet, in case you don't know, is the word for all the land there is, even if it's off the map. With all the needless fighting going on, people need a wise king who can lead them to long life and prosperity.
But that all will have to wait until Merlin and I return from our voyage to the land of the vikings. I see no reason to leave my lands and you, my people, but Merlin says it has been 'booked' and can therefore not be stopped. Does anyone know what magic this is? Well, I shall leave you in the noble and able hands of Elizabeth, second of that name for three weeks.
Wes þu hal!
your king, Arthur
A/N: Keep sending me suggestions for what Arthur has to write about on his blog. Anything goes, his royal highness will have an opinion about it.
Many thanks to the people who sent in their suggestions this time. I try to use them all. If I've forgotten something, send me a note.
Remember people: reviews are love. And good for my ego. And you love my ego so it all boils down to the same thing. Please please please review. I beg on my knees, humbly. Well, no not really. Once I've published this I'll go have a beer but you get the idea.