Chapter 10

OMG, I am so sorry I've been so long updating, I had a bit of a writers block, so I had to change the whole mood of the chapter… I think you'll see what I mean, its a bit different from the others.

After my date with Edward I went straight to the lake to tell mom all about it, I mean I know that she cant hear me, but it reminds me of the days when I was alive and I used to tell her everything.

"Hey mom, I had my date with Edward tonight. It was totally romantic, except that Alice invited herself and Rose too, and made Edward bring his friends too. I thought it would be awkward, but it so wasn't…" I stalled, I still hadn't quite gotten the hang the whole 'one sided monologue' thing, it had been three years, but it still felt strange that mom hadn't interrupted me. I shook my head,

"anyway, we all paired up, Edward was so sweet to me, and I think that Rose and Emmett- that's one of Edwards friends- are going to make the perfect couple, and Alice and Jasper too, except that they cant see that their attraction is mutual…"

I would of continued but to be completely honest it was a little annoying, mom and Phil where in the middle of watching The Amazing Race, and they would constantly shout at the contestants, meaning that my monologue was often punctuated with 'faster, faster' or 'no, you idiot, you took a wrong turn'.

I 'flipped' to watching Charlie, having already decided not to talk to him about Edward, I figured he really wouldn't want to know. But once the image on the screen settled I sat bolt upright and started to run, because I had just seen Charlie getting his freak on with Sue- not something I ever wanted to see EVER.

Having been sufficiently scarred for the evening I headed home, still trying desperately to block out the images that I feared had been imprinted into my brain forever.

About a month forward, B & E have been on quite a few dates already

I ran around desperately, looking for my white flats; I was going out with Edward today and I was already late because I got carried away watching mom and dad (I had recovered to the point where I could look at him without feeling sick), and now I couldn't find my shoes. Of course then I realized that I could just wish for a new pair of shoes. I did that and then 'jumped' straight to our usual meeting place; our first meeting place. I got there and of course Edward was already standing there looking as handsome as ever, if not a little crestfallen.

"Edward?" once he heard my voice I had the satisfaction of watching his face light up as he saw me.

"Bella." He sighed, apparently relieved about something, "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up."

"I'm not that late am I?" I asked, at the same time I checked my watch. I had answered my own question, fifteen minutes late. "I'm so sorry Edward, I got caught up watching my family."

Edward could see I was starting to stress out a little and laid a calming hand on my shoulder,

"Its okay Bella, its not like you meant to."

I felt guilty again, it wasn't the first time I'd accidently come late, once I stood him up altogether, only to realize my mistake an hour later. He was just so wonderful and forginving, he never got mad. I smiled, "So what are we doing today?"

"I was thinking we could have a picnic?" Edward asked as if he was unsure if I would want to go. He should have known better really, that was exactly the kind of relaxed thing I had imagined Edward and I doing.

"That sounds great." I said at the same time as he materialized a picnic basket out of nowhere.

We sat down on the rug Edward had so graciously provided and I relaxed into the curve of his arm.

The date was exactly what I had anticipated, relaxing, laidback, peaceful, romantic, comfortable, and pretty much every other positive adjective you can think of. But as we where finishing up, where I could tell the day was winding down, I could feel Edward's arm tense up against me.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, pulling myself up into sitting position. He too rose up,

"Its nothing, its just I wanted to ask you something, and I don't know if you'll get mad at me." I stifled a smile, I couldn't think of anything Edward would ask that would make me mad at him. "Bella, can I meet your parents?"

My mouth flew open, Edward had just asked the most unexpected question in the world.

Edward must have mistaken my shock for anger because he hurried to explain, "its just that they mean so much to you, and I want to know all the people who are important in your life."

"Umm, Edward…"

"Oh God Bella, I don't want you to be upset or mad, if I'm going too fast then that's fine, we can do this later…or never if you want."

I kissed him gently, letting him feel that I wasn't angry at him, " of course I'm not mad at you Edward, I don't think I ever could be…its just I tend to get a bit upset when I'm watching my parents, and I don't want to embarrass myself."

Edward blinked once and then took my face suddenly in my hands, pulled me into his lap and kissed me passionately. "Bella, showing me that you love your family is nothing to be embarrassed about, its one of the reasons that I care so much about you."

I would have answered his ridiculously romantic statement, but the minute I looked into his eyes I was gone, swimming in the seemingly bottomless pools of green, "Uh huh." I breathed. Edward smirked at me, he may be perfect but I think I was accidentally increasing his ego just a little.

"So can we go see your parents?" he asked to clarify, my answer wasn't much of an answer after all.

"What, now?" I all but squeaked.

"No time like the present." Sung Edward.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm and wished us instantly to the lake.

"Um Bella, why are we kneeling at a random lake?"

"I thought you wanted to see my parents?"

"that's my point, unless your parents are in that lake I don't get why we're here."

"Well they kind of are, the reflective surface acts as the portal thing I see them from." I explained.

"Gosh Bella, that is so you, I thought you just sat staring at a screen for most of the day, but this is so much more…I don't know, earthy…natural…"

"Shut up Edward." I wished for my mom to come up on the lake., "Edward, this is my mom Renee." I sort of introduced.

"She looks just like you Bella." Edward had his arm around my shoulders, and he squeezed my hand. I tried as hard as I could not to cry, honestly I did, but it was no use.

Edwards words had started a chain reaction of memories in my head, and I remembered the countless times my family and friends made the same comment, I remembered the pride on Renee's face when she introduced me as her daughter, and the misery when she gave the eulogy at my funeral; 'Bella was my only daughter, and my best friend as well, everyone used to say we looked alike, and it always made me proud that people could think I was even nearly as beautiful as Bella. Bella, my girl, my little dreamer, my closet romantic, my baby, I will always love you'.

So basically I broke down, I would feel the tears stream down my face, and, through the haze of tears I could see Edwards alarm at my sudden change of mood. He shifted so that he was wrapped around me, and rocked me slowly back and forth, "Bella, Bella, don't cry, what's wrong, what did I do wrong?" he asked frantically.

I dragged my hand over my face, "you didn't do anything Edward, its my fault." I started to sob again, "God, I'm so pathetic, I've been dead for three years and I cant even handle thinking about mom and dad without crying like a baby."

Edward pulled me away from the lake altogether, and twisted around so he was facing me, he lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes, "Bella, listen to me, you are not pathetic, okay. You care about you parents, and that's fine." I shook my head, "Bella, you have obviously have a bond with your parents that I cant even begin to comprehend, and I envy you for that, I don't think your pathetic for it."

"You envy me for it? Yeah, I'm soo lucky that I have to deal with the torment of never getting to communicate with my family. Don't you just wish you had to deal with that kind of pain everyday."

"Don't you think I get it Bella? I haven't seen my family in fifty years, and I cant even watch them." he said, clearly straining to remain calm

"that's different Edward." I demanded.

"Why Bella? Why is that different?"

"Because it was your decision not to go to contentment, you weren't forced to leave them, you let them leave without you." I spat.

"You think I wanted that? I didn't have a choice in the matter." Edward roared.

"You told me that. You said you were too chicken to move on."

"I also told you I couldn't move on even if I wanted to. I thought you understood that, I thought you might even be the one to change that. But I guess I was wrong."

"Edward, I didn't mean it like that…" I pleaded, my anger starting to turn into guilt and I started to worry, I had never seen Edward so mad, I had clearly really hurt him.

"Save it for someone who believes you Bella." He cut me off, "I really care about you, but you clearly don't feel the same and I'm not about to waste my time with someone who cares more about whinging about the fact that she's dead, than she does about me. You constantly showed up late for dates, sometimes not at all, and I tried to understand, I even asked to meet your parents, just so I could get a better understanding of your relationship with your family…"

"Edward…I…" he brushed me aside,

"and then when you start to cry I try to comfort you, and instead you blow up at me because you thing that you're the only one who knows what sadness feels like. Well I have news for you Bella, you're not the only person who left behind a family when you died."
By the time he finished his monologue I was speechless, Edward was standing over me now, yelling, his shoulders shaking with sobs. It was as though he had been waiting to say all this stuff for ages, and then it all started to poor out. How could I combat the fact that he obviously hated me, how could I have treated him so unfairly.
I had acted like he was just there to make me feel better, it had hardly crossed my mind that he might need that too. Edward was right, I was just a selfish girl, and I didn't deserve him.

And with that he disappeared, leaving me curled in a ball by the river, rocking back and forth, he left me, the one thing I thought I could count on just left me.

What had I done? Why did I always hurt the things I cared about?

Oh My Gosh, please don't hate me, trust me, that wasn't what I had planned at all, but it was just one of those things that wrote itself. So I guess I'll have to do some major plot reworking. I have a few ideas for what I want to do, but I'm open to yours as well.
It was getting boring for me writing so much fluff, and it caused the writers block.
If you want I can do the next chapter in Edward's POV?

Also, I will try to update more regularly, but just as a warning its almost exam time for me, so I might have to study

PLEASE REVIEW, even if its to tell me that you think what I just did completely ruined the story

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