I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated. There were so few readers that I decided to focus more on my other stories. When I saw someone recently add this to their watch list, I went back and finished this chapter which I put aside a long time ago. I may or may not continue with this, so I want readers to be aware of that. Feedbacks/favorites/watchers always help.

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I was glad to get out of that dress. It might have been a premium quality article of clothing, but I just wanted to throw it and the memories away. It made me cringe inside whenever I was reminded of that night; I felt like a whore.

I mean... I wouldn't hesitate to use my body for such purposes if it were for a good cause, but that most certainly wasn't. I don't know... seducing a guy so that he would sign a contract he otherwise wouldn't... Zinnes most certainly would be outraged when he learned he'd be had. I lost a lot of self-respect for what I did. Neither of us benefited from that.

The only thing that allowed me to keep my head up was that it was for the Republic.

I went to Alek's quarters shortly after my return. Without even knocking, I went in and tossed the datapad on his desk to prominently display my discontent. I then turned for the door, but was stopped. "Glad you're back. One of Mr. Zinnes' associates just sent me a communiqué expressing some degree of concern over certain aspects that his client did not agree to." He took the datapad and looked through, chuckling. "You must have been... very persuasive."

I frowned at him. "I've had enough. I've hated this whole thing from the beginning. I won't do your dirty work anymore."

He got out of his chair and gently placed his hands on my shoulders, as if that would comfort me. "I'm sorry. I know it provides little comfort for you, but this made a difference. It takes courage to demean oneself..."

I scoffed. "I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about cheating out Zinnes."

He looked discombobulated. "Is that what this is about?"

"Yes!" I shouted as I threw my arms out in anger. "All of it!"

I tried to leave again, but he pulled me back and guided me to the chair opposite his desk. I refused to look at him, but he remained calm and civil. "You have every right to be angry at me. I'm sorry."

I sighed. "Does it not make you the least bit guilty that you lie, cheat, steal, and deceive to achieve your goals?"

He took the datapad and replayed the audio confirmation. 'I, Han Zinnes, have read through and agree to the terms of this contract.' He scrolled through the terms of the contract. "He apparently must have read through this before making such a bold statement. This hasn't been tampered with and followed all contract regulations. He signed a legal contract."

I frowned. "You know damn well that it was a cheap shot. If he knew I changed it when he was asleep, he would not have agreed to any of it."

He sighed. "Alexandra, the contract he signed is not unfair for him. He will be compensated for the ships he loses and the services they provide. He simply will be disappointed that he couldn't capitalize upon an opportunity to make a substantial profit. The Republic can now rely on the freighters he has provided, further reducing the number of lives that will be lost in the first few months of the war."

I sighed in disgust. It didn't really matter whether or not one cause was righteous or not, I knew I cheated Zinnes using a dishonest tactic. I used my body as a weapon and achieved a bitter victory for the Republic.

He set the pad on the table and intertwined his fingers as he continued justifying himself. "I'm sorry I put you up to this, but you did well. Some may think less of you because of it, but I recognize that it took a lot for you to get this."

I shook my head. "No one is to hear about it... ever."

"About what?" He answered.

I took a deep breath and stood up. "One last thing: everything you're doing... it doesn't break the laws of the Republic, but it breaks the spirit of everything the Republic and the Jedi stand for."

"We don't have the luxury of abiding by the traditions of the Order or the laws of the Republic anymore, Alexandra. We've given both the Council and the Senate as much time as possible to deal with the situation, but they failed. If they had done what was necessary to reinforce the Republic, then we wouldn't have had to defy them."

I shook my head in disgust. "Is that all you ever do is blame the Council? When you do something illegal, it's not your fault... the Council left you no other choice. When you deprive a world of resources to fortify two... you say that you saved more lives than if you tried to protect all three." I raised my index finger to him. "What gives you the right to choose who lives and who dies?!"

Just as I turned to storm out, he said something that didn't fit his over-inflated ego. "We don't. Revan and I are very well aware that people are going to die... and their blood will be on our hands. Do you think we are ignorant to this?"

"Oh please! You two are practically calling yourselves Republic saviors!"

He frowned and stood before me in an intimidating manner. Being over two meters tall, Alek overshadowed me like a giant. I did not tilt my head back, instead keeping my eyes level with his chest. "Revan and I are doing what must be done. The Mandalorians seek to conquer and destroy. The Council seeks a peaceful resolution, but one will not come. The Republic is weak and the Mandalorians know they do not have the strength to repel an assault. If we do not help them, the Republic will be overrun and the Jedi Order will be gone. All that our ancestors have accomplished in the last 10,000 years would be destroyed. That is what we are trying to protect. That is what billions of Republic soldiers will die trying to prevent."

My anger hadn't diminished after hearing those words. They were little more than emotional blackmail. "Fine speech, but you're trampling upon the very thing that our those brave men and women are out there trying to protect! Does that not mean anything to you?! You're both just trying to play hero."

"Alexandra... many have already died because of what we've done." He paused to emphasize his next words. "We're just doing what has to be done. They're stupid for making us heroes. If they want to, it's only because they're too stupid to help themselves." He stepped back and gestured to himself. "I know who I am; I'm a monster. There is no place for either of us in the Republic or the Order anymore... you don't need to tell me that; I already know." He stared at me for a moment before turning away. "Alexandra... there is no blood on your hands. You've caused no damage; Revan and I can bear the responsibility for any deaths that come about when war breaks out." He sighed and looked back to me. "You've helped us greatly and I appreciate what you've done, but if you're unsure of what we're doing, you can still walk away, knowing there is nothing on your conscience."

I started breathing heavily and felt... trapped. "That's not so. It wouldn't have mattered whether I shot a victim or gave the weapon to the murderer. I would be just as responsible for any deaths that come about because of this."

He nodded and then took the datapad with the Zinnes contract and offered it to me. "In that case, you may destroy this if you like, but realize that if Zinnes isn't happy with the agreement, we can't make a case without this. The freighters would not be available to the Republic anymore, but at least you know that the deaths which come about won't be on your hands." He reached over the desk to grab another datapad. "Here. You can cancel the deal for those scrapped parts. We'd have..." he scanned the content on the pad. "...twenty two fewer cruisers to add to the fleet. Do you want to ensure every ship in the Fleet is up to code even if it means we'd have fewer vessels?"

I looked at both datapads and couldn't escape the irony of everything. Words had become my weapons. The very thoughts intended to shield the Republic from Mandalorian blasters came to intimidate me. It terrified me as to just how much could change if I cleaned up my mistakes, or if I just set those pads down and turned away.

I looked at the second pad with a purchase that could add up to 22 more vessels to the Fleet. What made me hesitant was knowing those starship components recovered from Raxis were old. The Republic routinely replaced starship modules once they reached the end of their lifespan, even when there was nothing wrong with them. The contract was to salvage old components and install them onto ships in the Republic's mothball fleet. It was a quick and easy way to add warships to the fleet, but those old vessels were not going to be reliable and could prove dangerous to the crews. The worst thing for them would be to have a shield emitter burn out in the middle of a battle or to have a cooling unit fail when a reactor was at critical pressure.

It would have required too much capital to equip up-to-code systems for all those ships, but I also knew that the Republic's Fleet was drastically short in warships... they needed every cruiser they could get operational, no matter how antiquated it was. The dilemma I faced was whether it were better to have soldiers lives depend on defective systems, or leave civilian lives inadequately protected.

I stared at the datapads and Alek just nodded before sitting behind his desk again. "Like I said, you have the right to undo everything that you've prepared for us if your conscience is bothering you, but just realize that lives will depend upon fuel bought off the black market, old warships, the illegal funds a Senator invests into defense, the generous donation of freighters from a wealthy individual... just keep that in mind before you decide."

I stared at him as he went back to his work. I had been mortified at what I did... that I took on so much responsibility and got myself trapped in a prison of consequences. All those people I've negotiated with in the last week were going to affect millions of lives through illegal activity, deception, and other dishonorable actions. Some would have benefited, but others would suffer... I had a part in all that. It was one thing to know that I had the option not to take action, but with the power to undue it all... it was terrible.

This wasn't like facing the consequences of an action... nothing had been carved in stone yet. The problem was that I could easily choose one outcome or the other. I had gone to great lengths to arrange meetings, finalize contracts, prepare fundraising schemes, steal resources for the upcoming war... prostitute myself... I didn't like any of it, even if they were just clever misdemeanors intended to achieve a greater end. I sighed weakly and set the datapads back on the desk before leaving.

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What happened to me? A month ago, I never would have associated myself with individuals like Alek. I never imagined I could be an activist for war, but I was. I regret that I ever got involved, but I didn't have the gaul to stand against Revan at that point. All I had to do was turn over a few stones and show the Masters how Alek had been going behind their backs and those of the Republic. They might have forgiven me... they might even have congratulated me for going against those two. Why didn't I?

I suppose that in my heart, they knew what had to be done. I also knew that they had gone too far, but what kept me from turning to the Council? I was afraid... I was more afraid to hear Alek admit that he was a monster than if he told me he was a hero. For some reason, he was more intimidating for being in control than when I thought he was guided by a false sense of righteousness.

Maybe that was what scared me so much about them... unlike the unstable, undisciplined, and uncontrolled enemies Jedi often faced, those two were devious and willing to go to any lengths in order to achieve their goals. Even I had been intimidated without even realizing that I was already been trapped in a prison of fear. I would have been responsible for any deaths as a result of my activities... there would have been blood on my hands. I could not undo everything because the Mandalorians were coming... it was imminent.

Revan seemed the only solution to the threat, but he and Alek seemed more dangerous to have as allies than enemies... who was I kidding? I didn't want anything to do with them at all! Why then did I not just walk away? I was already involved. With war all around me, I had to back a side.

History's judged ever so often by what was known in the present, but people often neglected to recognize what was known at the time when an act was taken. When Alek first extended his offer, I was so intrigued that someone was brave enough to stand up to the Mandalorians... I couldn't say 'no.' As I learned more and more about what they were willing to do in order to achieve their goals, I felt less and less comfortable helping them.

With the Senate's 'declaration of war vote' coming up, I needed guidance. And there was only one person who I could turn to. I had to tell Master Kavar.

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It was not exactly forbidden to interrupt the High Council during a session without an appointment, but it was rude to do so. Despite what was customary, I felt my dilemma was serious enough that they could spare Master Kavar for a while.

When I walked down the hall towards the Council chamber, I heard the chatter of the masters as well as that of Ithorian diplomats. Given the unlikelyhood that they were debating a critical issue with the Ithorians, I went in and drew all their attention.

Of the Council, only Masters Vrook, Vandar, Zez Kai Ell, and Kavar were seated. In the center of the chamber were three Ithorians, an ambassador and his staff. It was routine for only a fraction of the Council to be present for such meetings, but I would have imagined the issue in the Senate would demand the entire Council be gathered. I had expected them to be debating the war, but that wasn't so.

I stepped just far enough in to clear the doorway and bowed to them. "Please excuse me Masters, but could I..." As I spoke, he stood up. "...speak with... Master Kavar?"

"It's alright." He looked to Master Vrook and took a bow towards the Ithorian ambassador. "Please excuse me Ambassador Habat. I have a matter to attend to. I may not be back before your business here is concluded."

The Ithorian ambassador replied "Of course, Master Kavar. Until tomorrow, I bid you farewell."

"Thank-you." Kavar spoke while walking along the outer ring of the chamber and around the chairs towards the doorway. I stepped into the hallway and he went by, gently placing his hand on my shoulder to walk beside me. "Why don't we go to my office?"

"Look, I don't mean to drag you away from..."

"I know. You wouldn't have disrupted my schedule unless something were troubling you." He gestured me to lead the way. "And if something troubles you, it's best to face it out of public eyes."

I was very troubled, but more so because I didn't know how he would react when I told him that I went against his wisdom and continued following Revan and Alek. There I was, crawling back to him, unsure of myself and well-entrenched within their plans. There he was offering his support as though I deserved such consideration.

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Master Kavar brewed a pot of Echani Fire Tea shortly after my arrival. He and I made some casual conversation for a few minutes before he gave me the first cup of the potent drink. I always held the scolding-hot liquid under my nose with my lower lip against the cup. The steam that flowed in and out with my breath was relaxing.

He poured himself a cup and moved his chair from behind the desk to the opposite side so he could sit beside me. "You know that it made Master Negato uncomfortable that you turned to me when you needed guidance more often than you did him?"

I nodded with the cup still near my lips and my eyes closed. "It's hard to explain. I trusted his wisdom more than my own, but I always preferred going to you when I needed advice."

"Why was that?"

I held the cup in both hands and lowered it so I could face him. "When he spoke to me, it was usually as a Master to his apprentice. You treated me more like an equal than as a student."

He shrugged his shoulders. "You weren't my student. If you were, that might have been different." He and I shared a moment where we both thought of what might have been. "I seriously considered taking you for my Padawan, but the demands of being a Council member were too great for me to handle. As much as I would have enjoyed training you during that little time I had to spare, I thought it was in your best interests to have a master who would make you his first priority." He took a sip of tea and reacted when it burned his tongue again. Although he fought to maintain his composure, I could tell that he was suffering.

I chuckled at his reaction. "Why do you think they call it 'fire' tea? You really don't have to heat it up at all, actually."

"It's hard to know whether it's the spice, or if the liquid is genuinely boiling your flesh."

I smiled and leaned my head back. "It's part of the experience. If you can't tell if the liquid is 50 or 99 Celsius, you might very well injure yourself by downing it like a shot. You might easily see someone react to iced tea like it burned and then when the spice wore off, realize it was ice cold." I chuckled and dipped my finger into the liquid to tell it was safe before I took a sip. It burned like I had swallowed liquid fire, but it was just the spice. I knew it wasn't actually harming my flesh, which was why one could learn to enjoy a cup.

"I really enjoyed teaching in my earlier years. I take it that you didn't enjoy having Vrook's apprentice this last week."

I sighed. "What gave it away?"

"She did."

I raised my head. "Kalin?"

He nodded. "She came to me late last night. She was very worried about you."

I didn't answer.

He used reverse psychology. "If... you're uncomfortable talking about..."

I interrupted. "No. That wasn't the reason why I sought you out."

He looked at me like Alek had. "Were you and Kalin talking about the same thing?"

I let my head hit the wall behind me. "Master... I think I've done something... I don't know how to get out of it."

A long moment of companionable silence came between us. "What happened?"

I let out a deep exhale. "I've been helping Revan and Alek."

He let out a sharp exhale, almost as if angry. "Tell me."

I shook my head as if to show him my innocence. I had not harmed anyone... yet. "I haven't done any damage, but if I don't do something... I could end it now... I thought that it made sense..." I started crying, trying to come up with the right words. Then when I stopped trying to sugarcoat it, they came out. "I don't know what to do!"

He leaned over and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. Softly, he whispered to me "It's alright... just calm down."

I breathed heavily and slowly pulled myself away from him. When I was calm enough to speak, I started confessing. "Master... Revan is organizing the Republic for war. He's organizing resources, political figures, and preparation of warships. Most of their activities are illegal."

He let out a long, slow exhale. "And you helped them?"

I hesitated to answer. "Not... exactly. I've been given the responsibility of providing resources. Fuel, starship components, shipyard contracts, factory modifications, weapons upgrades..."

He interrupted. "Yes. I get the idea. What's Revan doing that's the problem?"

I shook my head. "Much of the fuel intended for the first strike is going to come from the Core Worlds and hijacked tankers. Revan has arranged deals with Senators to permit mining operations near inhabited settlements. Shipyards are receiving contracts to rush the refitting of old ships... at the risk of the lives of their crews." I realized that I didn't tell him anything he hadn't already known. "Alek said that the Republic is not ready for war and is not prepared for an invasion. If the Mandalorians attack, the casualties on the Republic's side could be as high as 10% before any serious opposition could be deployed."

Kavar looked forward and lowered his head before realizing just how many lives that would have been. "Ten percent? How did Revan come to that figure?"

I sighed in frustration. "Ten percent is optimistic, I think. That is based on if the Mandalorians strike first, only 9000 obsolete Republic warships are operational, and if the Mandalorians take vital worlds with resources... He also took critical hyperspace routs into account. 42 worlds could be cut off at three critical hyperspace junctions."

He remained silent.

"What they said made sense. I thought that if I just helped the Republic add a few more warships or transfer funding to upgrade a factory complex... that there was nothing wrong with it. Two dozen warships may not be much, but they might be able to make a difference to a single system."

Again, he remained quiet.

That silence was making me even more uncomfortable. I turned my head to the right only to see the side of his face. "Kavar, say something."

"What do you want me to do?" He asked.

I exhaled loudly, as if in panic, and stood up. "Master, I don't know what to do. I need your guidance."

He didn't stand from his chair, but he did look me in the eye from where he was sitting. "I know how much you hate hearing that I told you so; I won't. What exactly happened that brought you to me?"

"Nothing... but I've had an impact on a number of events that are supposed to happen when the Republic finally is at war with the Mandalorians. What Revan does after that, I don't know."

He stood up, as if to gesture for us to leave. "Why don't you come back with me and tell the Council what you do know? We have questions that you may be able to answer."

I let out another exhale and shook my head. "I don't think I can trust them anymore. The Mandalorians draw ever closer, but they're too afraid to act."

"It's not fear holding them back."

I snickered at the rationale. "Yeah... as if the Mandalorians aren't enough, they're worrying about some other enemy that might or might not even exist. That sounds reasonable."

"Alexandra... we are already facing a war on two fronts. One are the Mandalorians, but the other are forces dividing not only the Republic, but I fear the Order as well."

"Because of Revan?" I asked.

He nodded. "Revan is dangerous."

"He is trying to save the Republic, but the Council refuses to work with him."

"We tried. We did everything we could to come to a reconciliation with him, but Revan would not accept any compromises... he wanted supreme authority. That was not something we would give him."

I shrugged my shoulders. "That's it? That's why Revan went rogue?"

"He is not a typical Jedi. If you think Master Vrook is arrogant, Revan is beyond that. We would gladly work with Revan, but he has been gaining support from all over the Order. The problem we face is that if we were to go to war, the Council needs to have the entire Order united. That requires Revan following our lead. If we were to pledge our aid to the Republic in any kind of war, and if Revan doesn't accept our authority, we risk weakening the Order at a moment when we must all fight for the same goal." He turned around and moved his chair behind the desk again. "You don't mind if I catch up on some work, do you?"

I shook my head weakly. "What exactly are you doing?"

He briefly flashed the data pad at me, not enough to recognize the content, but he told me what was on it. "The senate wants my input on the prospect for war. If it passes, it would leave several systems open for invasion before any military action could be taken to protect them. The idea that he would encourage the Republic to declare war at a time like this... it doesn't make sense."

"You're talking about Revan?" I asked.

"Yes. This deviates from the kind of thing Revan would do. He would never inform an enemy in advance of an attack... he must have something else planned."

I put my head on my wrist and pretended to ask him a question I already knew the answer to. "What if that's his plan? What if he's trying to goad the Mandalorians into striking first?"

Kavar looked up and considered what I said, but dismissed it. "What he does is anyone's guess. Don't forget that this vote is not a war with the Mandalorians in itself. It's to protect Cathar and Serocco. The Mandalorians have little reason to invade those systems, only that they aren't members of the Republic. If the Republic intends to protect those worlds, then the Mandalorians would have no reason to invade; they would simply attack the Republic."

I saw the wheels turn in Kavar's head as he had come to the same conclusion I did a while back... what attracted Alek's attention. I decided that, for the sake of trust, I could not keep it secret any longer. "Master, I think that this whole operation is meant to provide resources the Republic needs to defend the systems along the Outer Rim Worlds. If Revan were to mislead the Senate into providing enough ships to defend Cathar and Serocco, then he would redirect those ships to defend the Republic Worlds that are currently unprotected."

He gave me an odd look that I couldn't quite determine. "What are you talking about?"

"You had been given a battle plan about a week ago. Do you remember that? You said it was full of flaws."

"Yes, what about it?"

"It was a cover for another plan that involved redeploying Republic ships from those two systems to fortify several Outer Rim worlds. It would take weeks to mobilize the Fleet to counter a Mandalorian invasion if it just happened. By mobilizing the Fleet early, it would take only days to create a defense for otherwise unprotected planets."

He stared at me for a rather long moment, but then appeared to lose interest. "I think that that the best thing to do is wait and see where this goes."

I have heard those words repeated so many times that I couldn't stand hearing them again when I asked for real advice. "We can't wait anymore! The vote in the Senate is tomorrow! Once that happens, there will be no going back!"

He stood up and gestured me to relax. "Calm down... just listen. I don't mean we do nothing." He sighed and brushed his hand over his hair and to the back of his neck. "I'm going to be speaking on behalf of the Jedi tomorrow in the Senate. All we can do is wait and see how that goes. When events start to unfold, then we can take action. Until then, we should not seek to trigger a war we know the Republic isn't ready for. Does that make sense?"

I sighed and nodded. "Is there anything I can do? Anything at all... what would you do if you were in my position?"

He looked deep into my eyes, probably recognizing that I've been under a lot of stress and that I needed to be away from the tension of Coruscant. He probably was worried for me and wanted to have me somewhere where I could find peace. "Alexandra... there's a transport headed for Dantooine this afternoon. I think you should take that transport and go."

"Go? You want me to leave?"

"I think you need to be somewhere else right now. Dantooine has been your home for a number of years. I spoke with Master Negato a short while ago and he believes that Coruscant itself has been having an effect on you. I think that it would do you good to be away from this place for a while."

"It's not Coruscant that's the problem, it's the Mandalorians. Leaving won't change that."

He looked at me, concerned, but spoke very confidently. "I think it would. You may not realize it, but Master Negato knows you much better than I do. He has been your master for how long?"

I sighed and looked away. "Four years."

"Four years. I think that if you are troubled, you should return to Dantooine. It's much more isolated and easier to center oneself than here. I also think that you should seek guidance from Master Negato and not me." He suggested.

"Master, I don't think now is the best time to start soul-searching. I also have never felt that I could turn to Master Negato when I was lost. You always seemed to understand me."

"I'm flattered that you'd say that, but I'm afraid I can't help you with this. The best I can do is point you in the right direction. You two may not have been close, but Master Negato knows you much better than you realize." He stood up and held my shoulders to encourage me to go. "And I think there are others on Dantooine who would like to see you again as well. That's what I would have you do."

I stared at him for a long moment, thinking of the last time I and Master Negato spoke. Despite our differences, he had been my master all those years and he likely knew better than I about what to do. I did trust Kavar and if he pointed me towards Master Negato, that was a direction I would follow.

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Author's note:

I know that this really doesn't progress the story, but I wanted to give some insight about the way people think when they have to make a difficult choice. Alexandra finds it more difficult to act when she considers throwing away the fruits of her efforts. Ultimately she could have undone everything that she was responsible for, returned to where she was before ever helping Revan; but then she would have been responsible for any deaths which came about. Unlike before, it was only her conscience that stood in the way of resources that the Republic military would need. It genuinely would make someone feel trapped if they can't make a choice that won't affect a lot of people.