Notes TEN. Seriously. Ten.
Previously on Notes: Alice, being crazy, duck taped Bella to the trunk of the Volvo to keep her from letting Edward out. Alice sprayed something on Edward's Volvo, which will be revealed in the next chapter. Carlisle is on his way to the house, because Edward, being a tattle-tale, told him what was going on, and Charlie appeared. MYSTERY!
Also, I've gotten multiple people telling me that it is, in fact, Duct tape, but I still like Duck tape better, so I will continue using that.
Disclaimer: Once upon a time…There was a girl who didn't own Twilight. Her name was Llama mama23. She was sad that she didn't own Twilight. The end.
Also, I kinda backed myself into a corner with this chapter…I wrote the last part of the previous chapter with no idea how Charlie would fit into this, it just occurred to me and I wrote it. So, bad planning on my part. Sorry if this seems a little strange.
Bella's Point of View
Charlie's expression was one of intense confusion. Not just normal confusion where you usually have some idea of what's going on, but the type of confusion where you understand nothing. At all. The bright pink oxygen mask was still firmly wrapped around my head, making any attempts at speech useless. Charlie meandered towards me slowly, his eyes looking around as if trying to understand the strange scene in front of him.
"Bella? Why are you duck taped to a car? And why are you wearing that pink thing?"
"Could you please take it off me?" I asked him, my words sounding like a garbled mush of words through the mask. I was hoping to delay his questions while I tried to think of an excuse that made sense. Nothing did.
Somehow he managed to understand me, and his hands fluttered around uncertainly, looking for a strap of button that would free me. After many failed attempts, most of which were quite painful for me, the stupid hunk of metal was finally yanked from my face. I breathed in some fresh air, relishing its sweetness.
"What's going on, Bells?" Charlie asked again. "I come over to bring you some clothes for your sleepover and I find you duck taped to a car." I gulped, frantically trying to think of something that made sense. Just as I opened my mouth to say something that probably wouldn't make any sense whatsoever, there was a loud banging noise from the trees across the field.
Carlisle's POV (About a minute or so beforehand)
I couldn't help grumbling to myself as I took the turnoff to our house, hoping that my children would hear me. I'd driven this way so many times that I wasn't even paying that much attention to the road, but I quickly slammed on my brakes when I saw a white blur run up to the car and stop right in front of me. Alice.
"Alice, what on earth is going on? I get a text message from Edward in the middle of my surgery. You've all gone crazy. Oxygen masks? Duck ta—" Alice quickly ran up to my door, yanking it open and pulling me out, cutting off my reprimand.
"What do you think you're doing, young lady?" I asked, putting on my condescending father voice.
"We have a problem, Carlisle. Right after I saw you on your way, I had another vision of Charlie making a detour to bring Bella some stuff for her 'sleepover'."
"Why is that a problem?"
"Because he beat you here! Right now, he's trying to get the oxygen mask off Bella! When he does, she's going to have to explain, and you know what a horrible liar she is! She ends up telling him the truth." She had a point; I'd met toddlers that could lie better than that girl.
"Again, why is that a problem? So he finds out that we're a little crazier than he thought; no big deal. You don't mean she tells him the truth?"
"No! But it's a very, very big deal! There's not much time! To sum it all up, he arrests Emmett for abusing his daughter, and while he's taking him into the station, the sun comes out! Emmett can't get away, and goes all 'sparkle, sparkle'. Charlie finds out what we are! We have to stop Bella from telling him anything!" She started dragging me towards the house, where I could hear Charlie asking Bella what was going on.
"The only thing we can do that I see working is making Charlie think that this is all a dream. Jasper is nearby, and when I give him the signal, he'll put Charlie to sleep. But before that, we have to be crazy! He has to believe that he dreamed all this!"
Alice quickly pushed a pile of clothing into my hands.
I unfolded it as we were running, and stopped dead in my tracks.
"You have got to be kidding me, Alice."
"CARLISLE!" She screeched at me. I started running again, throwing on the outfit as I ran.
"You have to wear that because earlier today, Charlie went to the elementary school to talk to them about bullying. They were watching Tarzan when he got there, and they refused to turn it off. So he had to watch the rest of the movie. It makes sense that he'd dream about it. So you're Tarzan."
I sighed. Only me…
"Emmett, Rose, and I will be coming out later. This will work, as long as it's like a dream. Human's have crazy dreams these days, so just try not to make any sense."
We were now at the edge of the forest that surrounded out house, and I could clearly see Bella trying to come up with something that would make sense.
"I personally think it would be more convincing if Bella was Jane. Act like Charlie stole her or something."
Alice motioned for me to go, and whispered as I passed her "Don't forget the chest-banging thing! Tarzan does that all the time!"
(Again, I wanted to apologize for this. I think it's funny, but I have a strange sense of humor [and a strange love for Disney movies; hence the whole 'Carlisle is Tarzan thing]. My pile of death threats is building every day, so I just wanted to finish this and get it out there. And remember, dreams don't make sense this is supposed to be rather confusing. Again, very, VERY sorry about this.)
Bella's POV
I blinked. When you see your boyfriend's father walk out of the forest looking like a caveman, there's not much else you can do.
I blinked again. Charlie turned completely to look at the oncoming Carlisle-man and I heard Alice's voice whispering to me, even though I couldn't see her.
"We have to make Charlie believe that this is a dream. Carlisle is Tarzan. You're Jane. Tell him he needs to rescue you!"
Carlisle pounded his hands on his mostly bare chest, letting loose a jungle war cry.
"You take Jane. Me not happy with you." Carlisle advanced on Charlie, who was looking like he might faint with confusion. I cleared my throat, hoping that my acting skills hadn't deserted me.
"Tarzan! My hero! Come save me from this crazy baboon!" Alice had said he needed to believe it was a dream. Dreams never made sense. I wondered why Alice had chosen Tarzan, of all the things that Carlisle could pretend to be. And why was I Jane?
"Jane! My dear gorilla! I so happy you're not dead." A snort of laughter stuck in my throat. Gorilla?
"I'm not! I wish I was dead! The cabbage ran away from me! How am I supposed to live without it? My life won't be green enough without it!" Cabbage? I questioned myself.
"A cabbage? It's too green! You don't need it! You have me! I'll turn green!" I choked back another laugh. This was ridiculous.
As I was about to answer with another remark that made no sense, Emmett emerged from the trees. His hair was blue.
"Chief Swan! Thank goodness! I was flying through the woods, and then this little pixie came, and then my hair turned blue! I simply demand that you arrest her!"
I began to worry about Charlie. His eyes couldn't possibly get any bigger, and he was looking around at all of us like he couldn't believe what he was seeing; which made perfect sense, given the situation.
Then Alice scampered out of the trees, dressed in a red Tinkerbell costume.
"Dear Sir, I don't know what this buffoon-ic man has told you, but I'm sure he was lying. I would never, not if I lived one hundred years turn someone's hair blue!" I think Alice just wanted to do this for fun. And I think she planned it. Did she really have all these costumes lying around? Tinkerbell? Tarzan?
Charlie looked back and forth between Alice and Emmett, still looking as flabbergasted as it is possible to look without your eyes actually falling out.
Then Rosalie walked out of the trees.
As soon as she was within everyone's view, she promptly threw herself down on her stomach and pounded her hands into the ground. Charlie, being the kind and caring soul he is, walked over to her and knelt down by her side.
"What's the matter?" He asked her. I wondered what he was thinking right now. Did he guess that he was dreaming?
"It's not fair! All I wanted was a Llama! And that stupid Jane came and took it away from me!" She pointed a perfectly manicured finger at me, still sobbing into the ground. Her distress was very moving; I almost believed it.
"Jane! How could you take her Llama!" Charlie stood in outrage, unable to resist defending the blond beauty.
Then he swayed on his feet a little, and his eyes drooped closed. Emmett quickly moved over to him and caught him as he fell; fast asleep.
Jasper stepped out into the open and there was a brief moment of silence before Carlisle's voice echoed around the clearing.
"Who started this?" Standing there in his Tarzan-outfit, he glared at each member of his family, somehow still managing to look terrifying.
"I'd hate to inconvenience any of you, but do you think that someone could let me out?" Edward's furious voice came from under me.
I was the first one to go. I couldn't help it. I tried to hold it in as long as I could, but a loud burst of laughter finally made its way out. My laughter set off Emmett, who was followed by Alice. Feeling all our hysteria, Jasper started laughing. Soon everyone was laughing, the echoes bouncing off all the trees and reverberating back to us until we couldn't tell the laughter apart anymore.
As the hysterics started to die down, I heard a car coming down the drive way. It was Alice's Porsche, and Esme stepped out of it, a load of grocery bags in her arms.
She looked at the situation in front of her, from her husband in a Tarzan-outfit, to Tinkerbell Alice, to the blue-haired Emmett holding Charlie off the ground, to me still duck taped to the trunk.
"What on earth is going on?" She demanded.
We all started laughing again.
I can't believe I wrote this. Seriously. This is even stranger than 'Vampiric Peaches'. I hope you didn't despise it and think I'm a total freak now! PLEASE review! This is the strangest thing I've ever written; I'm rather insecure about it.