Author's Notes:
Been watching excessive amounts of Kaichou wa Maid-sama! and I now feel like a squealing teenage girl. Not kidding, in all the fluff scenes I was screaming and yelling at the screen when some idiot character interrupted a kiss scene. Mental disorder? I agree, too!
And to answer deeb0123456789's comment from three chapters ago (sorry) Kisame does know about Madara. Look it up on Narutopedia or Narutowiki. This takes place after Sasori dies, but remember, I'm rewriting it to match how I think Naruto should turn out, so things will be different.
I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! SOO MUCH! I ADMIRE YOU ALL!
If you are reading this… DON'T JUST ADD IT TO A LIST! ADD IT TO A LIST AND REVIEW! Haha, I got to use all three button things… Italics, underline, and bold. I happy… for the next three seconds… Yep, it's gone now. Bleh.
ENTER PLOT! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, why the hell would I still be here, writing about it?
After another shower, Fallyn flopped down onto her bed, deflated to the fullest extent of the word. After re-cleaning the kitchen (a few ninja-idiots decided to stomp all over the floor with their damn dirty shoes… No one left unscathed), she had exhausted every persuasive ability from bullying to hands-and-knees pleading in order to get Kakuzu to be some groceries. The damn cheap bastard only let her buy enough for one meal. She'd have to steal his wallet later.
Dinner had been impossibly hard- nine servings of leek soup. Peeling fifteen potatoes was definitely not enjoyable. And she had to wash all the dishes.
Tomorrow was Day 2 of cleaning the entire base. When she was finished she would be able to train. She doubted that that would be any easier.
Ever so slowly, she drifted off to sleep.
Itachi was stuck in Pein's office. He really hated it there; it was always so dimly lit, and it smelled like wood polish and old paper.
"What is it that you needed, Leader-sama?" he asked, trying to finish this meeting as soon as possible so he could go to sleep.
Pein stared at him, noting the man's discomfort. Screw him, he was going to drag the meeting out longer now.
"I would like you to read this. Zetsu went into the Sand village's library vaults and found this scroll." He reached into a drawer and produced a simple scroll decorated in swirling patterns of black lacquer. Handing it to Itachi, he watched as the other man unrolled and scanned over its contents at superhuman speed.
Its contents shocked the red-eyed man, and he looked up at Pein with question in those deadly eyes. The pierced man noted the Mangekyou and started forming a new plan in his head based on that and the contents of the scroll.
There would be no way he wouldn't succeed with those two weapons.
His plotting was interrupted by the sound of Itachi's voice.
"Is this true, Leader-sama?" All traces of discomfort had disappeared from his voice, and the smell of Pein's office was no longer as sharp in his nose. This matter was too important.
The orange haired man looked at Itachi with all seriousness. "Yes. It's true. Now, I am sure you already are aware of this chance, but let us plan…"
Fallyn woke up on thee floor. She did not remember any falling, but maybe that was because she was so exhausted.
Unfortunately, the ache in her shoulder and back from sleeping in an awkward position made her wish she had woken up, no matter how tired she had been.
Rolling over, she slowly eased herself into a sitting position and sighed in ecstasy as her spine cracked. Massaging her neck and cracking that, too, she finally felt that she had just enough energy to stand.
In the mirror, she finally took time to appraise her hair. It was spiky, but it looked… interesting. In a good way. It was nice to know that she would no longer have to put a lot of effort into her head.
Sighing, she entered the bathroom and did necessary morning duties before slipping on her beloved Converse (which, in her new religion worshiping Chuck Taylor, were what a rosary or crucifix was to other religions) and entering the silent hall.
Some of the other members' doors were cracked open slightly, which was the signal we had all come up with last night that specifically meant "All objects that I would never ever ever want you to see have now been carefully hidden in a place you will never look so you are free to clean it because I am too much of a lazy ass to do it myself." Granted, the last part she had added on herself, but it went without saying that they knew it anyway.
She hoped that Kakuzu didn't hide his money too well. But that was like asking an owl to jog at noon*.
Creeping to the kitchen, she retrieved her cleaning supplies and stared loathingly at the empty cabinets. Her stomach groaned to show its protest, but she quelled her hunger and returned to the Room Hall(nickname), she stared challengingly at the cracked doors.
Switch to Demon Maid mode.
Nothing was safe from her wrath.
Deidara experienced the breath-taking feeling of stepping into his bedroom when Fallyn had just finished cleaning. By now she had completed every room whose entrance had been granted to her, and the sounds of surprise could be heard as the other members assessed their rooms.
"Holy shit… You can see the floor," he said, voice muted by pure amazement. Staring wide-eyed at his living quarters, he could hardly believe that this was his.
Fallyn watched triumphantly as the blonde ninja walked around his room, cobalt eyes wide, taking in every inch.
"Where are all my cloth-" he began, but she cut him off with a smug smirk.
"Washed," came the short, proud reply. She called out other such answers as similar questions were heard from the hallway.
She exited the hall, answering questions about the exact locations of certain objects as she left. She couldn't help but feel extremely accomplished now that her first challenge had been completed.
She had put on some muscle in the short amount of time she had been doing this, too; hauling around many corpses (courtesy of Hidan), large amounts of explosive clay that could detonate at any moment (courtesy of Deidara), and many other horrors. She was no longer skin and bones- she was lean. She nearly, nearly did a victory dance when she thought that.
Shaking similar thoughts out of her mind, she started down the hall.
Now she had to go bug Pein about money for food.
Itachi had stayed in Pein's office all night, going through it all over and over again. When he was finally released from the man's presence, it was all he could do to keep himself from either collapsing on the spot or dashing to his room. Surprisingly, he managed to stay composed.
He was an Uchiha, after all.
He pulled on the door at the same time somebody pushed it, and narrowly dodged a head-on collision with none other than the one they had just been discussing; the Jinchuuriki.
She gasped and nearly tripped when the door was wrenched out of her grasp, but caught herself just before she went face-first into the stone floor. Good thing, too; it was not very dignified to fall on your face in front of the leader of a criminal organization and a high-class ninja with Cheater Eyes.
Itachi ignored her completely and continued down the hall to his already immaculate room, leaving her watching, bewildered, as he left.
Shaking her head, she turned around to face Pein, who was staring at her curiously.
"I have a favor to ask," she said calmly, crossing her fingers discreetly that he would give his consent. "Can you go bully Kakuzu into actually buying enough food to last more than one meal?"
Pein, resisting the urge to snicker at the 'bully Kakuzu into buying something' part, smirked slightly and said, "Maybe. Have you finished cleaning their rooms?"
As she nodded, he couldn't help but gape slightly. He would check later.
Looking up at him with large, pleading eyes, Fallyn was nearly on her knees begging. She really wanted to breathe air that was not musty or earthy, because it felt like she was inhaling soup. Air soup did not taste good.
Sighing, he muttered, "Fine. Show me where he is."
She clapped her hands together and grinned before prancing out of the room and down the hall.
Shaking his head, he slowly followed after, not believing that this girl was the one that all his plans depended on.
"No."
"Kakuzu…"
"No."
"Kakuzu."
"Never."
"Kakuzu."
"Why the hell should I?" said the exasperated masked man, who, in Fallyn's opinion, was having a fit worthy of a five year old.
"Because people need to eat," hissed Pein, who was not pleased to have one of his subordinates question him.
Grumbling, the odd-eyed man slumped his shoulders on defeat and sent a glare worthy of Itachi towards Fallyn.
Who knew such mood swings were possible in a man like Kakuzu.
"Fine," he said, but before Pein could say anything, he said, "But there's a limit to one hundred ryo."
The orange haired leader could only gape slightly and look at Kakuzu with a bewildered stare and furrowed eyebrows. Fallyn was pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head.
"Just… sad. Sad. An S-ranked criminal, reduced to a five year old's antics. That was just… pitiful. No," said the girl, not even looking at him. He was about to launch himself at her when Pein's voice stopped him.
"She's right. You have more than enough money to spare some for food. May I remind you that that money belongs to the Akatsuki?" he said calmly, though he was staring poison-dipped daggers at the other man.
"Whatever," Kakuzu mumbled under his breath, and looked over harshly at Fallyn, cocking his head in the direction of a large corridor, indicating for her to follow. She obliged cautiously, wary of the temperamental man.
Pein watched them leave, and hoped that she wouldn't piss the murderous man off and end up dead.
Fallyn ran in front of Kakuzu and spun around, arms wide. They were standing in a large, grassy field, and the sun was directly overhead. Soft breezes sent ripples and waves through the grass, and made Fallyn's silky Akatsuki cloak whipping around her. She hadn't bothered to button it up, and it flowed around her like a soft fabric stream. They were surprisingly comfy.
"Baka girl, act your age and walk like a normal person!" hissed Kakuzu, glaring at her. She faced him, arms still spread-eagled and grinned playfully.
"Nah, don't feel like it," she said in a bubbly voice, and started to run through the grass again, vaguely resembling a large black bird.
Or a dragon, thought Kakuzu, and smirked a bit at the irony.
His musings where interrupted by a happy scream, which could be deciphered as "FRESH AIIIIR!" followed by a ridiculous amount of childish laughter, and he was surprised to feel the corners of his mouth turn up slightly, stretching the stitches on his mouth. It was soon gone, replaced by an inward and outward glare at his body for betraying him.
He had not smiled for years.
"Alright," said Fallyn in a businesslike tone, clapping her hands and rubbing them together, causing Kakuzu to roll his eyes. Ignoring him, she continued, "I promise I'll go easy on the food."
He doubted that.
It took less than an hour to gather an appropriate amount of vegetables, fruits, breads, rice, etc. They scraped by with the bare minimum of things they needed to last for a week.
Fallyn didn't know if she was going to enjoy these future shopping trips with Kakuzu or not.
Surprisingly, he wasn't as terrible as she would have expected about purchasing goods. He would occasionally scold her for not haggling lower prices for certain items, but other than that he just stood by and paid for the things she had chosen. Very passively. She felt like he was judging every thing she bought and making a mental note. She felt like a criminal.
On their way out of the market in the nearby village they passed several stalls for different sweets, and Fallyn couldn't help but look at the colorful sugary things, causing Kakuzu to roll his eyes for what was definitely not the first and definitely not the last time. HE sighed in relief once the exit was in sight, but right as he was about to make a break for it with the bags his arm was grabbed and pulled in front of a mochi stall.
"What the hell, baka girl! What do you want?" he said angrily, yanking his arm away from her small-handed grip.
Ignoring his temper tantrum, Fallyn looked up at him, an immense smile on her face, hands waving erratically, and said in a giggly voice, "Look look look! Aren't they adorable? I've never had mochi before!"
At closer inspection of the colorful blobs, he recognized the vague, round shapes of small Zodiac animals in serious chibi form. Sighing heavily, he looked at the girl with an exceedingly irritated and questioning look.
She stared at him, and they locked gazes for a couple moments before the amber-eyed girl poked the tall man in the forehead.
… Yes, poked him in the forehead.
His irritated look immediately dissolved into one of pure shock. With wide green-red eyes he gaped at the girl, and she grinned mischievously. "C'mon, Kazu-san, let's get some mochi for everyone. You can spare a couple ryo, can't you?" she said, her tone obviously showing the effort of restraining her laughter.
The S-ranked criminal whose forehead had just been violated continued to gape.
"What, are you worried that they're going to make fun of you for doing something nice?" she said, still grinning, and shook her head. "I'll tell them I took money from your pocket. That okay?"
Kakuzu finally regained the use of his voice, and said, "What the hell, girl?"
Laughing outright, she said with a glint in her eye, "Aw, is the little S-ranked criminal sad because someone poked him in the forehead? Really, it wasn't that big of a deal. So let's buy some mochi!" And she turned to face the bewildered shopkeeper who had been forced to endure the whole odd conversation.
Shaking his head, Kakuzu removed his wallet with evident reluctance.
"When will we tell her?" asked Itachi in his monotonous voice, staring expectantly at Pein.
They were meeting in one of the unfurnished caverns, desperately trying to avoid Madara. The orange headed leader knew when he was near, and they had been forced to move locations for the safety of their plans.
Pein contemplated for a moment, then decided and said, "Tonight or tomorrow. The earlier she knows where her loyalties lie the faster we can get her away from Madara's influence."
Nodding his agreement, Itachi bowed slightly and turned to leave.
"We're baaack!" called Fallyn, and giggled when it echoed. She hoped she had woken someone up.
She did.
"Bitch," came Hidan's raspy sleep-voice from down one corridor, "No one gives a shit."
She laughed, and took the bags that Kakuzu had been carrying to the kitchen. The masked man shook his head and walked down the hall to his bedroom, exhausted.
In the still immaculate kitchen, Fallyn was unpacking groceries. She was nearly finished when she felt another presence enter the room.
Turning to face this unknown figure, she found herself inches away from a swirly orange mask.
"Hello Fallyn-chan!" screamed the man-child, nearly shattering the girl's eardrums.
One hand covering her abused appendage, she replied with a strained smile, "Hi, Tobi. What's up?"
"Silly Fallyn-chan! The ceiling is up!" he replied, pointing.
Stepping sideways, out of his direct contact, Fallyn robotically continued putting groceries away. "That's not what I meant, Tobi. But anyways, look what I got for you!" she said in a fake happy voice as she produced a bag of sweets.
Squealing, the lollipop-faced man launched himself at her, and she narrowly dodged the oncoming assault of one hundred and twenty three pounds of man-flesh. Landing with a thud on the floor, Fallyn thought she had escaped it.
Oh, how tragic it is that she forgot she was dealing with ninjas now.
He was standing again in less than an instant, twisting to face her. Something sinister was emanating from his person and she couldn't help but curse softly at her mistake.
Here comes Madara.
"Why, hello there, Jinchuuriki," came the voice from behind the mask, though it had deepened considerably to a low baritone. It sent an unpleasant shiver down her spine.
"Dammit, I have a name. I have a name and you know it. Why the hell won't you use it?" she said as defiantly as she could, though it quivered slightly.
Smirking behind his obnoxious mask, Madara hissed, "Fine, Fallyn-chan."
That was even worse. Her body was wracked with shivers, and she shook her head.
"Never mind. What the hell do you want?" she said, and now the quake in her voice was evident. It only made the other man's smirk widen.
"I want to tell you something important." Watching her face for a reaction, he was pleased to see that her eyes were fearful and wary, and he noted the movement as she backed up a small step.
With a little added volume and drama, he said, "Some certain people have been keeping the secret of your purpose here." Something else was now hinting in her eyes; curiosity.
Gotcha, he thought, and his red eyes glinted.
"Who's keeping it a secret?" she asked cautiously, her eyes never leaving the hole in his mask. Which, by doing that, could possibly be her downfall. Damn Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.
"Why, who else but Pein? And Itachi, of course. They don't want you to know what they plan to do, or you'll try and escape."
Now she was extremely curious. She needed to know anything that could be that important, even if it was coming from this deceptive old bastard.
"Tell me," she said in a false commanding tone, though she was still being wary of everything she said, in case it would tip him off.
Turning his back to her, he held up his hands and shrugged. "Oh, I don't think it's really necessary for you to know," he said in a taunting tone, and the smirk on his voice was obvious in his voice.
"God, stop with your sadistic screwing around. It's annoying." She glared at him, fully aware of his body language.
Slightly annoyed.
Shit.
"I can do whatever I want, girl," he hissed dangerously, whirling around to face her, Sharingan glinting. And for a moment, Fallyn was almost as scared of him as she was of her parents. Which, really, was how it was supposed to be.
Turning back around as if nothing had happened, Uchiha Madara said, "You're the new vessel. They'll seal the tailed beasts inside you. And once they achieve their plans-" he stopped suddenly. She looked up at him, encouraging him to continue, only to find that he had disappeared. Sighing, she lowered her guard for a moment, thinking that he had finished with a cliffhanger.
Oh, was she wrong.
Leaning back, she intended to hit the wall.
Walls aren't supposed to be warm and muscular.
Heavy but thin arms encircled her, and she felt the older man's breath tickle her ear. Instinctively tensing, she winced and shivered as he whispered into her ear, "They'll kill you."
Then he was gone, and Fallyn slumped to the floor, the man's body warmth singing her skin.
After dinner, everyone was sitting around the table and playing cards. Fallyn discovered a hidden talent; she was really good at all card games. Luck or skill, it was rare that she lost, and she had earned enough ryo to last her for a while.
After her eleventh win, Hidan slammed his cards down onto the table and said, "I'm tired of losing to this bitch. I have no fucking money left." He stood to leave, but was pulled back into his seat by his partner.
"What the fuck do you want, Kakuzu?" he said impatiently, glaring at the man.
"She has a surprise, and I'm not letting anyone leave until it is all gone because I spent a lot of money on it." He stared pointedly at Fallyn, who grinned and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving several curious members alone.
When she returned, she did not only have the box of mochi but Konan as well.
"Look what I found!" she stated proudly, and Konan, confused, gave everyone a little wave. The blue haired woman turned to face the one next to her and said, "Oh, and I brought some clothing that might suit you better than Pein's." Gesturing towards Fallyn's ridiculous ensemble, she raised her eyebrows slightly. The other girl blushed a tiny bit and looked down, embarrassed.
"Thanks," she mumbled, and Konan nodded. She took her seat.
"Okay then," said Fallyn, and passed around clean plates and chopsticks. She slid the box onto the table and opened it for all to see.
"…Mochi?" said Deidara, "Wow, I haven't had that in ages, un."
"Ooooh, they're so cute!" squealed Tobi, making Fallyn wince as she was reminded of the earlier event.
Everyone took one of the colorful treats, and Fallyn couldn't help but smile as she watched nine S-ranked criminals (yes, Zetsu was eating it as well) eat a sugary dessert in the shape of adorable little animals.
They all spent a while eating the treat, laughing and transferring good natured insults, basically being twenty year old men and women. Which seemed weird, because these were the heartless serial killers that didn't seem to have any normal emotions.
Well, I guess they are human, she thought, nodding sagely to herself.
Fallyn could admit, it was really nice.
"Have you gotten all of the locations?" said Pein from behind his monsterous desk. He was staring thoughtfully at the blue haired woman before him.
"Every one except for the Eight Tails, Pein," replied Konan cooly.
"Good. Then after she's been halfway trained, we can begin."
"Halfway trained?" asked Konan, confused.
"Yes, halfway. One learns faster when their life depends on it, no?" he said, smirking slightly.
"Oh, so now you're fine if she dies in a battle."
"No, we'll save her. At the last moment, of course, just in case."
Rolling her golden eyes, Konan replied, "Of course. Alright, I'll take my leave now."
She turned and left.
"Okay, so here's a shirt, and some pants, understuffs, gloves, shoes," said Konan, plopping the items on the bed as she listed them.
Fallyn knew the basics of these ninja's clothing expectancies. Easy to move around in. Only one pair of clothing, two at most. You were lucky if it was anything fancy or pretty.
Fallyn was lucky, in her opinion. There was a tank top not unlike the ones ANBU members wore, and the pants were just the normal shin-length cloth. The gloves were black and fingerless, with metal plates carved with the Akatsuki cloud on the back. The underwear was… underwear.
She slipped into the bathroom with the garments, and it only took her a few moments to change into the simple clothes. When she emerged, Konan nodded approvingly.
"Just one thing is missing," she stated thoughtfully, and she turned around to grab Fallyn's Akatsuki cloak off of the hook it was hanging from. Handing it to the other girl, she watched carefully as she slid it on.
"No no no. Better idea," she said, and fastened two of the buttons at her waist. Sliding the sleeves off her shoulders, she let it hang, folded in half, around the girl's waist.
"Perfect," she said, nodded her head.
Fallyn thanked the blue haired woman and watched as she left. Then she turned into the bathroom to look in the mirror.
She was pleased, not because she thought it looked good, but because she felt like an Akatsuki member now. A ninja. Someone who belonged to the Naruto world.
When she returned to the larger portion of her room, she was surprised to see that she was no longer alone. Standing in the center of the room was Uchiha Itachi.
Fallyn was surprised for a moment, but it quickly passed and she said in an unfazed voice, "Looks like someone has never learned how to knock."
The red eyed man ignored her comment, and stared at her calmly.
Uncomfortable under his scrutinous gaze, she fidgeted and shifted from foot to foot nervously. "Um, can I help you?"
His eyes finally seemed to come into focus, and he stared at her with a slightly disapproving look. Well, at least that's what it looked like, but it seemed that that was one of his default expressions.
"Do you know why you're here?" he said suddenly, piercing gaze making her waver slightly.
"Um… not really… Because I'm the Eleven Tails Jinchuuriki, right?" she said, Madara's warning flashing through her mind. She didn't know which one she had to look out for more, Itachi and Pein or Madara. Madara was a pretty daunting person, but Itachi with his new eyes and Pein…
"But do you know they reason?" he said patiently, as if addressing a child.
Slightly annoyed, Fallyn responded in the same tone, "No, because I was kidnapped and usually ones who are kidnapped don't know the proper reason for their abduction. But I can guess; to assist you in collecting the other biju?"
He snorted, and said, "Well, I would imagine that with the feeble information you have been provided with wouldn't really inspire any logical guess, so I give you some credit."
Fallyn couldn't help but be reminded of her conversation with Madara. Where was the normal emotionless You-are-not-worthy-of-my-words Uchiha Itachi?
He continued, not waiting for any kind or response, "You do hold an extremely powerful demon, yes, but you are also a vessel."
"A…vessel?" said Fallyn, aware that Madara had used a similar word.
Dear God, he wasn't making it up.
"We can seal all of the Tailed Beasts inside of you, and the Eleven Tails should be able to sustain the power of the Ten Tails. It will be much easier to control it," he said, gesturing with his hands. His mouth started to twitch up in a slightly deranged grin.
Fallyn was freaked out, but she managed to sputter, "And what will happen when you've achieved your goal?"
Shrugging, he replied nonchalantly, "That's not up to me," then grinned, a large, mentally unstable grin.
And then Fallyn was gasping on the floor, having been freed from the genjutsu.
"How unfortunate that your extreme amount of chakra makes it difficult to keep you under even the Eternal Mangekyou's genjutsu," said an emotionless monotone voice, and she listened as his quiet footsteps crossed the room and calmly shut the door., leaving her with only one thought running through her mind;
Who's telling the truth?
Ending Notes:
*I give all credit to the hilarious genius Demetri Martin for the analogy.
AAAAAH! DOOOONE! I'm so sorry guys, I am a terrible person for not sucking up my laziness and taking the time to write the PLOTTIEST (haha new word) CHAPTER EVER.
Oh, and I have two things to recommend to the dear readers who read the Author's Notes (which you should, there is a lot of interesting/important background info here).
1. The lovely, amazing, and talented singer Emilie Autumn. LOOK HER UP ON YOUTUBE, AND LISTEN TO ALL HER SONGS BECAUSE SOME ARE DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS. She is a Gothic singer whose songs can range from rape songs (God Help Me and Thank God I'm Pretty) to murder songs (Let the Record Show, Gothic Lolita [hilarious and disturbing song], 306, and others) to awkward (I Know Where You Sleep) to sad (Mad Girl, Ever, The Art of Suicide, and others) to hilarious (Marry Me and others) to just plain disturbing poetry (Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches and others). I really REALLY recommend her.
2. The book The Everafter. It's a really good book with an interesting new take on what happens after you die.
And just to let you guys know, I'm not doing a love triangle, so the Kakuzu moment was just supposed to be pointless cuteness and the Madara moment… well… That's just kinda how I imagine him. Sadistic sex-deprived old man. Yep.