A Life Rescued
Part 2
Chapter 11 – The Passage
(Please read and review, it makes us better writers.)

Disclaimer: The world of Terabithia belongs to Katherine Paterson and her publishers.
I'm just playing around in it for a while. No profit was, or will be received from this story.

NOTE: Some of the narration in this chapter is taken from the Virginia State Family Life Education (FLE) program, better know in colloquial terms as sex ed. If human anatomy and biology bother you it may be wise to skip this chapter, but you will be missing a couple very important events. There is nothing gross, crude, or inappropriate – in my opinion – within the chapter below and the story will continue to have a TEEN rating.

Late winter and early spring passed speedily for Jesse Aarons, the only remarkable event being an offer from Virginia Tech's Art Department, Dr. Gilbert specifically, to purchase Jesse's drawing of his house. The letter came addressed to Jesse's mother, since the artist was a minor, but she immediately called her husband and son over to read it together. Initially, Jesse was reluctant to sell the drawing, he knew it was probably the best he had ever done and had been planning to frame it and hang it in his room. But the offer the University made was too good to refuse, Jesse ultimately made his decision, and asked his parents if they thought he was making the right move. He was surprised to hear them both defer to his judgment. "It's yours, Jess," his father said. "And the money'll help you go to one of those fancy Art schools that doctor told you about."

He was right, Jesse knew, and he would be meeting with some artists late in April to decide which he would take lessons with, and they were all expensive. College even more so. With the help of his parents, he drafted a letter to Dr. Gilbert accepting the offer. Two weeks later he received the check. The following day, Mrs. Mason took Jesse aside in art class and told him the University had donated a huge assortment of used equipment, paints and other supplies worth a small fortune. She gave Jesse full credit for the bequest, but knowing his modesty she also promised to keep it secret.

The first Friday evening in April, a week before his twelfth birthday, Jesse was watching a video with Leslie, as had become their Friday night routine. Although still early, May had fallen asleep on the couch with her head on Jesse's lap and her favorite stuffed animal, Lamby-Pie, clenched tightly to her chest. Joyce Ann, the baby, was tottering around and around the kitchen table where her parents were playing dominos and engaging in an unusually colorful discussion about what veggies to grow in the garden that year. But the single most weighty contribution to the peace and harmony that evening was the absence of Ellie and Brenda who were double dating with boys from Lark Creek High School. Jesse was perfectly happy with this, as it spared him the embarrassment of having to constantly apologize to Leslie for his sisters' rude remarks and childish behavior.

Earlier that evening, Mr. Aarons had picked up the video his son had requested, guaranteeing the My Girl debacle of months earlier would not be repeated. The movie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, was recommended by Mikey Sellers, but Jesse should have been more observant of the boy's amused expression when he accepted the suggestion. Even Jesse's father looked at him with curiosity as he handed the movie to his son. Leslie, however, said she had heard it was a good flick and the show started after dinner dishes were cleaned up.

It turned out that the only thing the movie was good for was putting all three spectators to sleep. By nine o'clock the three kids were dozing on the couch with the two older ones slumped over against each other, Leslie's head resting on Jesse's shoulder and his atop her head. Mr. Aarons picked up May and took her to bed while Mrs. Aarons turned off the TV.

"Wa-Wazzup?" Jesse muttered when he heard his mother removing the video from the clunky old VCR. He sat up, not realizing he was being used as a pillow, and Leslie keeled over, her head landing on Jesse's lap opposite of where May had been moments earlier.

"Maybe you should walk Leslie home, Jess, I think she's had enough for the day." Mrs. Aarons stepped over and raised the girl into a seated position where her head lolled back and forth until she sputtered into a more conscious state a few seconds later.

"Hey, Les, time to go. You awake?" Jesse prodded his friend.

"Mm-hmm…that movie was terrible, Jess," she said, still half-asleep and yawning. "I think I'll pick out the next one. I couldn't stand the girl who was always chewing gum."

"Uh, yeah, she was totally weird."

Jesse stood and pulled Leslie up; she proceed to flop, still not fully awake, against him. Laughing, Mrs. Aarons helped rouse her more until they were able to get her jacket on. Then Jesse walked Leslie home.

Shuffling down the drive, Jesse felt Leslie's hands on his shoulders and her head thump down hard on his upper spine. "Cut it out, Les, I can't walk like this," he griped. Eventually his friend was able to stagger the last hundred yards to her house with only the assistance of her arm around Jesse's waist, and his around hers. With a barely audible thank you and a short shake of her hand, Leslie entered her house and, Jesse assumed, headed directly to bed.

Turning back, Jesse berated himself for snapping at his best friend. He had noticed, over the past couple months, that there were subtle changes taking place between them. They were neither bad nor worrisome, more unexpected and challenging – maybe even a little interesting. He found a more comfortable familiarity growing between himself and his friend, particularly when they bumped into each other or touched hands. In the past, these occasions would set of alarms in Jesse's brain, except on the rare instance when Leslie would deliberately take his hand for comfort, or they would fall into an 'automatic hug,' as Jesse had mentally defined the embraces they shared.

Tonight, Jesse considered, walking Leslie to her house with my arm around her waist, felt… good. The hip and waist were not parts of her anatomy on to which Jesse had ever placed his hands, except a year earlier when she was drowning, and he certainly didn't feel the same now as he did then. And her arm around him seemed to have left a scorch mark across his back.

Shaking his head to distract himself from wandering into thoughts that were so terribly unfamiliar, Jesse, for the first time in his life, looked back upon the evening as more than just hanging out with his friend. He wondered if this was what a date was like. No, he reasoned, a date is when you ask someone out and do something together…and it usually ends with a kiss. He decided that it wasn't a date, yet.

This line of thinking, however, prompted Jesse to again mull over his relationship with Leslie, particularly what it was and where it was going. Such questions were working their way into his consciousness more frequently, usually retreating swiftly back to whence they sprouted – a dark spot in his brain he was quite certain he would never fully understand. But more recently these thoughts were lingering, demanding attention.

As he slowed his gait home, two words kept popping into his head: like and love.

Jesse was finally beginning to become aware of the feelings associated with love, or more precisely, feelings associated with loving someone outside his family. He had known for a long time that he liked Leslie, even to the point where he was comfortable admitting to himself that he liked her a lot. They talked freely about anything, (though not yet everything,) shared their fears and hopes, studied together, and were completely comfortable in each other's presence, as friends. It was Leslie who had shown him Terabithia, and opened his mind to all sorts of possibilities he had never before experienced, in fantasy or real life. He was certain, too, that it was Leslie's presence in his life that had stirred his recent explosion of artistic inspiration. She was, in every sense of the term, his best friend. And until recently the fact that she was a girl did not modify his affection towards her.

But that was now changing.

He found himself more aware of Leslie's gender and how it was so different than his own: emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Their Christmas gift exchange was just one of the times he saw her as something more than a 'girl.' She was changing in ways that no longer evoked fright; now she stirred up curiosity. And while winter was not the best time of the year to notice physical changes in a young woman, spring had arrived. Without a heavy coat and sweater, Jesse was seeing more of the growth his friend was experiencing. He also found it difficult not to look at her at times.

Jesse had graduated to speculating if his like of Leslie was becoming a love of Leslie. And the idea that this may be happening didn't scare him as much as it had in the past. What annoyed him was that he was only eleven, almost twelve, and there was no timetable for him to consult that would show when and how the various stages of a relationship should progress. At times he thought he would never be able to love Leslie, other times that it couldn't happen soon enough.

And the idea of kissing her was not quite as gross as it had once been – another change he was curious about.

In her bedroom, at the same time, Leslie was about to pull her shade closed when she saw that Jesse was barely moving on the road back to his house. He had his hands in his pockets, but he was looking up, though not as someone would gaze at the stars. She wondered if he was thinking of her. She hoped he was thinking of her. Unlike Jesse, Leslie felt no doubts or hesitation with her awareness of love, but the waiting for Jesse to show he felt the same way was driving her a little crazy.

But there had been some changes, she admitted happily, especially over the last few weeks. She would catch him looking at her more, even if some of the glances appeared unfocused. Jesse was definitely becoming more comfortable being physically near her. When they sat together he no longer moved to the far side of the couch. But while she had not pushed physical contact between them, it was, at times, maddeningly difficult for her not to take his hand, or touch his arm when they were together. Their occasional embraces would often send tingles down her back.

As she watched Jesse disappear into the night she was disgusted with her inability to stay awake earlier when walking home, for she was quite certain that Jesse had put his arm around her waist.

But probably just to keep me walking…

These were all things she kept in her diary, and read and reread, over and over, sometimes every night, even falling asleep with her face mashed against the black leather-bound book.

Another change in her life was that Leslie's strained relationship with her mother had much improved in the past month. They had reverted back to being friends as well as mother-daughter, and her mother had added one important part to their renewed bond: as the child developed inside her, Leslie's mother told her more about being a mother and the physical changes it entailed. But there were times, too, when Leslie felt her mother was actually warning her of something, and so she tuned her out, usually to think about Jesse.

A voice made her jump. "Is Jess still out there?" Mrs. Burke asked from the door to her daughter's room.

"He just left; it looked like he was thinking about something."

"Or someone, perhaps?"

Leslie shrugged.

There was a long pause. "Les, we need to talk. I need to…to tell you…"

"Mom, please, not tonight, I'm half asleep," the daughter said, sounding every bit the way she felt.

"Ok, Les. Maybe tomorrow?"

Leslie shut the shade. "Sure, Mom."

Judy Burke stepped silently back into the hallway, closing her daughter's door. It was the third time she had tried to talk to Leslie about it, and the third time it hadn't work. Leaning against the wall, tears of fear fell for her daughter. She's so much like me in that respect… Wiping her eyes dry with the sleeve of her robe, Judy walked back to her bedroom and lay in bed with her husband who was making notes about his next book idea.

"First print should arrive tomorrow," he said, but didn't notice when he wasn't answered.

Early the next morning, Jesse Aarons awoke stunned; he couldn't recall the last time he'd wet his bed. Then, as he recalled the dream he had awoken from, he knew that wasn't what had happened. Embarrassed, apprehensive, confused, worried, anxious, and disgusted – all at the same time – Jesse slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb May, and went to the bathroom. Less than a week before his twelfth birthday and it had happened. He'd been warned by the movies and booklets the school had provided in fifth grade and earlier that year, he just never really wanted to believe it would be like this. In fact, he didn't know how he wanted it to be. If he had anything to be thankful for, it was that it had happened on a Saturday morning and he had plenty of time to shower and take care of the…mess.

Returning to his room after cleaning up, he went through stacks of school papers until he found the booklet for which he was searching. Jesse climbed back into bed, attached a book-light to the thin booklet, and started reading.

LARK COUNTY PUBLIC SCHOOLS
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION
GRADE SIX PROGRAM DESCRIPTION

Sixth grade Family Life Education lessons include Mental Health Education and Human Growth and Development. Mental Health Education lessons are included in the health education curriculum Ready, Set, Go for Good Health. In addition, Human Growth and Development, which covers topics such as puberty, reproduction, sexually transmitted diseases, and abstinence, is offered as a separate unit that is taught in gender-separate classes.

Skip all this part . . . . Here it is!

Grade Six Instructional Objectives—Human Growth and Development Education

6.1: The student will explore the physical, emotional, and social changes that occur during puberty and relate personal hygiene to these changes.
Descriptive Statement: This includes a review of physiological changes introduced in fifth grade and a brief examination of psychological and social changes, including mood swings, changing family and peer relationships, and increasing interest in romantic relationships…

Yikes!

Ways to cope with these changes are addressed, including proper diet and exercise and talking with a trusted adult such as an adult family member, teacher, counselor, or member of the clergy. The relationship among bodily changes, good personal hygiene and positive interactions with others is emphasized.

Ok, ok…

6.2: The student will review the structures and functions of the male reproductive systems and how these change during puberty.

Descriptive Statement: Instruction includes the structure and function of the reproductive organs, including the testicles, vas deferens, urethra, penis, and scrotum.

I knew I should have read this better…

2007 – 2008 Grade Six FLE Program Description 2

6.3: The student will expand prior knowledge of the process of human reproduction.

Don't need this…

6.4: The student will study basic facts about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Or this…

6.5: The student will identify reasons for avoiding premarital sexual intercourse.

Ugh, or this…

The program addresses some of the concerns of pre-teen girls, including variations in the rate of physical development, menstruation, mood swings, acne, body odor, gender relations, and the onset of sexual feelings. Using realistic drawings, the program highlights the anatomical and physiological changes in the bodies of both girls and boys during puberty and illustrates the male and female reproductive systems. (Shown to both boys and girls in gender-separate groups.)

Thank God!

Grade Six Documents – Human Growth and Development Education
Boy to Man, Third Edition. Chicago, IL: SVE and Churchill Media, 2002.
7.1: The program addresses some of the concerns of pre-teen boys—concerns about height, mood swings, awkwardness around girls, sexual feelings, and acne. Using realistic drawings, the program highlights the anatomical and physiological changes that accompany puberty, including erections, nocturnal emissions…

Crap, there it is.

Jesse flipped through the material and found section 7.1. Making himself comfortable, he began to read about what had just happened to him.

Ok…

Ok…

EVERY MONTH! He groaned silently. Sheesh!

At this point Jesse wished, more than ever, that he had an older brother to talk with. He read on.

Nocturnal emissions may or may not be accompanied by erotic dreams, and also the emission may happen without erection. It is possible to wake up during, or to simply sleep through, the ejaculation in what is sometimes called a "sex dream".

"OH MY GOD!" Jesse exclaimed, much louder than he thought he had.

"Be quiet, I'm trying to sleep," said May in a slightly annoyed and thoroughly sleepy voice.

The rest of the section spoke about the mechanics of what had happened, which he read with only slight interest, because it was what he had seen earlier that disturbed him the most.

…they may… be accompanied by erotic dreams…

In an embarrassed rush, Jesse collected everything he'd just pulled out and buried it as far out of sight as possible. But it wasn't enough, because there in his mind, so obvious that someone with any perception could have seen it if they looked in his ear – or so he felt – was the dream he'd been having about…her…his best friend…Leslie, when it happened. He tried desperately to forget the images of the two of them at the beach…running, holding hands…embracing…kissing…and then...

STOP IT! You don't feel that way about her, you perv, half his conscience seemed to be shouting.

YES YOU DO, ADMIT IT! You've wanted it since you saw her in that Christmas dress! Another equally powerful part of him countered.

Dressing quietly, Jesse decided to go for a run. He really didn't have any plan about where to go or what to see, he just wanted to leave – leave the morning behind. Fortunately, dawn had broken, and although deep spring weather was still a few weeks away, the air was calm and not too chilly. He jotted out a quick note about where he was, stretched, and took off. Passing the Burke's house, he shivered, recalling images that made him feel filthy and guilty.

It had been a very long time since Jesse had run to take his mind off something; he usually used the exercise to help clarify his thoughts. As he jogged the old familiar paths and back country roads, he was again able to lose himself in the physical exercise, and even the pain he experienced in his legs and chest (it had been months since he had run more than a couple miles) helped distract and soothe his mind.

He lost track of time, pushing himself relentlessly until he knew he had to stop. Then he went just a little further and leaned against a fence at the top of a hill to rest. When he looked down and saw Boxley in the distance he realized he had run nearly six miles, far more than he'd ever done at one time. He also realized he had to return home to do his chores, and Leslie was coming over to hang out, their new and less childish term for playing together.

I can't do this, I can't do this…

All the things he had thought of the night before, walking home from Leslie's house, had seemed logical, calm, and normal. Now this! He started walking back to keep his legs from cramping, wishing he'd brought some water, his thirst was becoming almost painful.

Much later that morning, Jesse was checking the animal trap in the greenhouse when Leslie arrived. She greeted him with a cheerful hello and asked if she could help.

"No, thanks, I'm just finishing," Jesse responded, intentionally not making eye contact.

"Ok. So, what do you want to do today?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I just said that, didn't I?" Jesse snapped.

"What's wrong with you this morning…and why are you all sweaty?"

"None of your business, and I was running, if that's ok with you."

He finally looked at Leslie, still standing in the doorframe, and felt ashamed. It must have been very obvious that something was wrong because when Leslie saw his face she immediately walked up to him.

"Jess, what's wrong? I can tell something's bothering you."

As if I could tell you, ha! "Just had a bad night, that's all."

"Oh, well, ok." Patting her friend's arm she sat down on an empty barrel and waited while Jesse placed the hose and spade back in their proper place.

"Uh, I have to get a shower. Want to wait inside?"

"Here or your house?" Leslie asked playfully, determined to cheer Jesse up. But it didn't work. "Jess, what's wrong?" She moved deftly around her friend and blocked the doorway to prevent him from leaving.

"Move, Leslie, it's nothing you could help with."

"Try me."

Not likely! "No!"

"Jesse Aarons, stop being a jerk!" Leslie barked, refusing him the exit.

"Come on, Les, I have to…omph," Jesse stumbled backwards; Leslie had pushed him back hard.

"Jesse, stop being difficult. Let's go for a walk. If you feel like telling me what's wrong, ok. If not, that's ok, too."

"Yeah, sure," Jesse said in defeat. Maybe there's something she could say to cheer me up. "I'll change my shirt and be back in a second."

"That's better," Leslie said as Jesse disappeared into the house.

A short time later, they were walking down the path that ran beside the creek, deep into the woods. As they had discovered, the path continued on for about two miles before disappearing into the undergrowth, and the creek forked north and south around a small hill. Neither had said much, though Leslie noticed that Jesse was calmer than before.

"Feeling better?" she ventured.

"I guess."

"Jesse, is something wrong at home?" Leslie took his hand and stopped as she asked the question. She noticed that her friend was not returning her touch and let go.

"No, everything's fine." There was a definite bitterness to his answer.

"I don't believe you. You don't act this way for no reason, Jess."

"Look, Leslie, I just don't want to talk about it, ok? You can't always fix me, you know."

They resumed their walk, again in silence, but Leslie had gleaned one thing from her friend: whatever was bothering him was about himself, not his parents or sisters. You can't always fix me…

"You're right, Jess. Sorry."

"'S all right."

But it wasn't. Jesse felt like he had to talk with someone about it, but certainly not Leslie. His only other real choice was his father, and for a moment he thought it might actually work. Fear and embarrassment, however, had other plans for that notion. Sighing, Jesse pointed to a spot on the embankment to the creek and the friends sat wordlessly together.

Leslie noticed that Jesse had intentionally seated himself next to her, right next to her, but stared ahead, saying nothing, doing nothing, hands folded under his chin and elbows on his knees. Her friend was obviously troubled and Leslie reached her right arm around Jesse's back and rested it on his shoulder. She herself was surprised at the action; it had not been a planned deed. Then Jesse responded, too, which startled her even more. He turned towards her and rested his head on her shoulder; he then placed his left arm around her back with his hand on her waist.

They sat there for a long time, neither speaking nor moving, but for an occasional pat by Leslie on Jesse's shoulder or a stroke on the side of his head. It reminded Leslie of a time more than a year before when she sat in the family room being comforted by her mother. She remembered precisely why she needed to be held, too.

You're not a little girl anymore, Les, you're becoming a woman…

After perhaps a half-hour, Leslie gently raised Jesse off her shoulder and moved so they could see each other better. In her best friend's eyes she saw unshed tears, on his face was a look akin to despair. It moved her, and she automatically placed a hand on his cheek.

"Jesse, I'm always here for you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

Leslie leaned forward and rested her forehead on Jesse's; they watched each other for a few seconds before closing their eyes. It was, to both adolescents, the most intimate moment they had ever shared, both physically and emotionally. After a few seconds, they mutually pulled closer and embraced.

At that instant, Jesse finally began to understand some of the differences between like and love.

After dinner that same evening, Leslie told her mother about her time with Jesse and how he seemed troubled about something. It was the first time in months the daughter had felt she could share with her mother something intimate. There was no resolution for Judy Burke to share with her daughter other than, perhaps, Jesse experiencing one of the moments in his life when he just didn't understand a feeling or situation. She reminded Leslie, also, that she too had had her share of times when nothing seemed to make sense.

"Did you feel like you could tell Jess about them?"

"Well, sometimes, but not always," Leslie admitted.

"I think you'll find you both have thoughts and feelings you don't understand, especially over the next few years. Adolescence isn't just getting taller, your body is changing, a lot."

"I know. It's just that Jesse had never had a hard time talking to me about anything."

Judy Burke sat up and held her daughter's shoulders firmly. "Les, think about what you just said! I'm certain there are things in your life you don't share with Jess. Why do you think he would be different?"

"I-I don't understand, Mom."

Thinking carefully, Judy selected what she thought was the easiest example for her daughter to understand. "Les, you love Jess, don't you?"

Blushing instantly, Leslie nodded. Her mother noted with curiosity that she had never blushed before when she had admitted her feelings for Jesse.

"Have you told Jess how you feel about him?"

"NO! I-I couldn't! I want to…but…"

Smiling, Mrs. Burke touched the end of her daughter's nose. "I'm sure you do, but the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we don't tell even our closest friends everything."

Leslie smiled. "Ok, I think I get it."

"Are you sure? Why haven't you told Jess that you love him?" her mother asked with sly grin, tickling her daughter.

"I guess, because, uh…" Leslie Burke was seldom at a loss for words, but this was one of those times.

"There are probably a lot of reasons, Les. Maybe it's partly because you want to be sure he feels the same way as you. Or because love means a lot more than like. But whatever the reasons you have for not telling him are your reasons. You need to respect Jess's choice to not share this thing with you. Did you tell him when you had your first period?"

"NO!"

"See? There's something that has forever changed your life, but you didn't share with him. It doesn't mean you aren't his friend, it doesn't mean you're being dishonest. It was just something you didn't feel…like…" Judy Burke stopped and gave a little chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothing, Les, I just remembered something. I have an idea. Next time Jess brings this thing that's troubling him up, suggest he talk to his doctor. Don't worry, it's nothing bad but sometimes people will open up to their doctor even before their spouse."

"Ok, I guess I can do that. Thanks, Mom." Leslie hugged her mother and then made a statement. "You wanted to talk to me about something yesterday."

"Yes, I did. And I do, but now isn't the time." Kissing the top of her daughter's head, Judy Burke bid her daughter goodnight and went off to bed.

Jesse did not bring up his 'problem' again, but Leslie noticed that he was more distracted than usual in school the next few days. He said it was nothing; Leslie doubted that, but did not press him.

Friday was Jesse's twelfth birthday and he had asked his parents to invite the Burke's for dinner and to celebrate with them. It was the first time in years that his parents had guests for dinner, but they both seemed to enjoy the prospect of entertaining, even his father, who worked his jaw before saying that it was about time to invite the new neighbors over. Of course, it meant that the entire house had to be cleaned, which earned him the wrath of his older sisters, but Jesse didn't care at all. His mother took care of the recalcitrant teens.

At school on Jesse's birthday, Scott Hoager, who had been ignoring them now that his cast was off and he could limp around more easily, seemed to be focusing on tormenting fifth graders. If anything, this irritated Jesse more and Leslie had to physically restrain him from attacking the bully.

"What's wrong with you, Aarons? Your girlfriend has to protect you. Doesn't want to see your face punched it?" Hoager and a couple of his other bully friends laughed and Leslie tried to pull him away. But Jesse wouldn't retreat. He had had enough, even if he had promised Leslie he wouldn't do anything. Besides, he told himself reasonably, I'm not going to do anything physical…

Leslie watched with concern as Jesse walked towards the troublemakers. Then she noticed something: Jesse was no longer shorter than them! She knew he had grown a few inches since school started, but… Wow!

Hoager's cronies seemed to notice this, too, and backed off as Jesse faced them. He leaned over and grabbed the front of Hoager's shirt. Whatever he said was lost in the background noise of the playground, but it was obvious from the look on the bully's face he wasn't going to be bothering them any more – or at least until he grew a few more inches himself. Jesse released the shirt and pushed Hoager back. And it was over.

"Let's go, Les, I have a headache," Jesse said. Leslie could tell it would turn into a migraine shortly as she had become used to the signs. Even before they reached the clinic Jesse was starting to moan in pain and had to close his eyes.

"Almost there, Jess."

Entering the office, the school nurse, Ms. Kendrick, knew what Jesse needed, and after double checking his medication authorization pulled out the bottle of Clonidine he had sent in months earlier. Leslie guided him to a cot and he had the meds in him shortly thereafter.

"Happy birthday to me," Jesse quipped a few minutes later as the meds began to take effect.

"Feeling better?"

"Guess so."

"Ms. Burke," the nurse called over her shoulder, "next period starts in five minutes."

"Ok. Jess, I have to go, I'll see you later, ok?" There was a mumbled reply. "Hey, I almost forgot: what did you say to Hoager to make him back off?"

"I'll tell you later, need to sleep."

"Ok, bye."

"You had another migraine today? Jess, you need to tell us when it happens."

"Sorry, Mom, I forgot."

"Go write it in the notebook. Don't forget to put down what you ate for breakfast and lunch."

Grumbling, Jesse left to do as he was told, returning a couple minutes later just as Leslie was arriving. She was carrying a smallish rectangular box, colorfully wrapped and with a fancy bow on the top.

"Hi, Jess! Happy birthday," she said, running over to him and giving her friend a quick hug. "My Mom and Dad will be here at six, Mrs. Aarons."

"Thank you, Leslie. I appreciate you coming early to help. Jess, would you and Leslie set the table? Use the blue tablecloth on the counter."

Working together, Jesse and Leslie prepared the table and helped Mrs. Aarons with a few other odds and ends. While working, Jesse's mind was racing furiously. He had forgotten that he wanted to give Leslie something on his birthday, just as she had for him the previous October. His cogitations distracted him greatly and Leslie had to fix every other place setting to make sure it had only one knife or spoon. She found Jesse's distracted state rather amusing. Jesse did not; there was simply nothing he had that he thought she might want.

At a quarter to six, Mr. Aarons come home from work, after a quick hello to his family and guest he ran upstairs to get cleaned up. May was sitting in a corner of the living room finishing the last strips of newspaper she was pasting together to make her brother another birthday decoration. Leslie noticed she had two of her Barbies assisting her.

She also noticed Jesse looking happier than he had moments before and assumed it was the rebound he sometimes had from his migraine meds. At one point Jesse caught her watching him and gave his friend a big smile that left her blushing. Another time he came up to her and remarked about her outfit, something she couldn't remember him doing since Christmas. It was so different from the way Jesse usually attended to her. Not that she didn't enjoy it.

The dinner was a rounding success and Jesse was unusually talkative, so much so that the teens hardly had a chance to say anything rude. Leslie wondered if this was Jesse's plan. Dessert was the traditional cake and ice cream, but this part of the evening left Leslie feeling a little down. She recalled her birthday six months earlier and the still unfulfilled wish she had made when blowing out the candles of her own cake. Tonight, just before he blew out his, Leslie saw Jesse glance at her.

Did he wish for the same thing I did? Leslie wondered. I doubt it.

The gifts followed dessert and when the family presents were finished, Mr. Burke presented Jesse with a first edition copy of his last book, One Plus One Equal Three, complete with a personal note from the author and his two illustrations in the second chapter. Over the past four months Jesse had nearly forgotten about the book. He was delighted with the gift and thanked Mr. Burke effusively.

Leslie's gift was a hardcover, four book set of the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Jesse and Leslie had been reading parts of The Hobbit together on some of their Friday evenings together. He turned to Leslie and gave her another big smile, mouthing thank you. Again she noticed something in his expression that was very different and she couldn't help but blush.

With the birthday events winding down, Mary Aarons dragged her two eldest daughters into the kitchen to clean up, a move that left both girls giving Jesse a threatening look. Judy Burke joined them. The two fathers walked off to the Burke house to look at a problem they were having with their well pump, or so they said. Joyce Ann was watching May play with her dolls. Suddenly, Jesse and Leslie found themselves alone and with no distractions. Jesse thought it might have been planned that way, but he was not complaining, so he and Leslie went out to the front porch and sat on the swing.

"Did you have a nice party?" Leslie asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yes, thanks. I'm really glad you and your parents came."

They made small talk for a few minutes, swinging gently in the cool night air. When Leslie shivered and rubbed her arms, she nearly jumped out of her skin: Jesse had put his arm around her and pulled her closer. "Warmer?"

Leslie was too startled to say anything and just nodded. There had been many times, even recently, when they sat together and it was cold. This was the first time Jesse had ever put his arm around her on his own. Eventually her voice returned and they continued talking about nothing in particular, until Leslie brought up what happened in school that day.

"What went on between you and Scott Hoager? I thought he was going to pee in his pants." Both kids broke out in laughter at the image Leslie's comment evoked. But Jesse didn't answer, he tried to ask a question of his own.

"Les, I was…uh, wandering about, uh, something," he started haltingly. Leslie noticed he was shaking a little and wondered if it was from the cold, or something else.

"What's that?"

"Huh?"

"What are you wondering about?"

"Oh, yeah. We're friends, uh, right?"

Leslie gave him a curious look and smiled. "I hope so." As if to emphasize her point she brought a hand up and softly patted his, the one resting on her shoulder.

Jesse cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. I was wondering…uh…"

"Again?"

"Huh?" Jesse's voice cracked.

Leslie started giggling but stopped quickly, sensing she was making Jesse more nervous. "Sorry, Jess. You were saying…?"

Neither had really looked at the other since Jesse had put his arm around Leslie, but she could tell Jesse was nervous and felt awkward.

"Um…thanks for the books…and for coming over."

This time Leslie had to concentrate to keep her humor from showing. "You're welcome, Jess, I wouldn't have missed it."

"Les, um, are we…are we friends, or…or more than friends?" Question finished, Jesse heaved a great sigh, obviously having been terribly anxious.

Now it was Leslie's turn to word her statement correctly, and she found it was much more difficult than she thought it would be. Of course, she had always thought – always hoped – that Jesse would come right out and proclaim his love for her, but that suddenly seemed like a very silly, very immature expectation.

She turned and smiled at Jesse, "Yeah, I think so."

"Think so…what?"

Oh, good grief! "That we're more than friends."

"Good."

Leslie couldn't believe what she had just heard. Good? Good?! He made it sound like he just received a new Bratz doll in his McDonald's Happy Meal.

How is your toy, little boy? Oh, it was good.

She had a sudden urge to kick Jesse Aarons, hard, in the shin. Then she noticed something that changed her mind: Jesse had put his other arm around her and was turned her way. Her breath caught.

"I didn't get you anything for my birthday, Les."

Jesse was looking at her as he never had before. Leslie had a very difficult time saying something, but thought she might have squeaked out, "That's ok." She turned to face him better. Then Leslie realized she was holding her breath and her heart was pounding painfully.

It's not supposed to be like this! She told herself. Or… maybe it is.

"No, it's not, I-I have one for you. You-You won't… punch me or anything, will you?"

WHAT? Leslie was completely befuddled, but it only lasted a second. Jesse leaned over, before she answered, and in one swift, inexperienced, slightly off-target move, kissed his best friend. Then he pulled back, cowering very slightly, and watched apprehensively for a reaction.

Leslie was too shocked to immediately return the kiss, and it would have been awkward, in any event. Jesse's kiss had landed partly on her upper lip and cheek, she wasn't even sure if his lower lip had touched her at all. But it didn't matter, it didn't matter in the least! She broke into what she thought must have been a wildly insane smile, feeling happier than she ever believed she could be. Urges she had been suppressing suddenly sprung out of nowhere and it was painfully difficult to do nothing more than return a quick buss on Jesse's cheek and pull him into a tight embrace.

"Uh, so that was ok, right?"

You've got to be kidding! "Yes, Jess, it was perfect," Leslie said, and meant it, instantly disregarding the mechanical deficiencies of her friend's first kiss. She could feel his smile against her cheek.

"Ahem!" came an adult sound from the yard, followed by what might have been a deep giggling noise.

Jesse and Leslie tried to stand up so fast the swing slipped out from under them and they landed painfully on the deck. Two men were standing to their right, about ten yards away, both broke into fits of laughter, howling, nearly falling over.

The kids were rescued seconds later when their mothers ran out to the porch to see what was going on and found their children on the ground, untangling arms, faces bright red. The men, now trying to control themselves, wore woefully inadequate apologetic looks. It was not difficult to figure out what had happened, either, especially when they saw both men holding a single, nearly empty bottle of what looked like Jack Daniel's Whiskey, both trying to move it out of sight, an effort made difficult by their obviously inebriated state and that they were each pulling it in the opposite direction.

Leslie had never heard her mother yell at her father like she did at that moment, neither had Jesse heard such an exchange between his parents. In seconds, Judy Burke had marched her husband off towards their house; she could be heard yelling at regular intervals for the next two or three minutes. Jack Aarons knew he was in hot water and walked, stumbled actually, into the house, pausing by the kids just long enough to wink at his son. There was a lot more shouting after he entered, though Jesse's mother took a moment to stick her head out the door, apologize for her husband, and guarantee no further interruptions.

"That was weird," Jesse said quietly, obviously affected by what had happened. He stood and offered Leslie a hand which she immediately took, coming to her feet directly in front of Jesse, just brushing against him. She shivered again, but not from the cold. The excitement of the kiss had not completely worn off her either, and she was hoping for another, but she could tell it would not be a good idea. Jesse was showing signs of acute embarrassment, and even though it was not because of her, Leslie knew it was because of the kiss. She was able to break through the muddle of her emotions and realize Jesse, though having made a big step, was still not ready for… whatever was next, a hazy and vague stage in their friendship which even Leslie herself had trouble defining.

"Thanks, Les. This has been my best birthday ever."

"Mine, too...uh, I mean the best day."

The friends found themselves holding each other again, briefly, before Jesse broke away and sat again on the swing. Leslie followed, a sublimely happy smile on her face, hands folded in her lap. Jesse had one more thing to say.

"I told Hoager that if he ever messed with my girl again, I'd beat the crap out of him. I hope you don't mind."

"You told him...you told him...I was...your girl?" Leslie asked incredulously. My alternate plan!

"Yeah...well, you are, aren't you?"

Leslie closed her eyes and was suddenly certain that there was a God listening to her requests. "Yes! Thank you, Jess, I...I...I…"

"You sure are stuttering a lot tonight," Jesse said, smiling. Leslie smiled back, but didn't tell him why she was so happy, figuring he would find the answer on his own.

An hour later Judy Burke heard the front door open and shut. "That you, Les?"

Her daughter's face peeked around the family room door. She was smiling. "Hi. I'm going to bed, Mom. Night." Her face disappeared.

"Just a moment, Leslie." The face reappeared. "Have a nice time?"

"It was wonderful!"

Judy found it easy to imagine why. "And did you get your wish?" she called after Leslie again, her face having disappeared a second time. Slowly, it reappeared, smiling even more.

"Yeah."

Her mother smiled, too. "Good night, sweetheart." When Leslie was well out of sight, and she'd closed her bedroom door, Judy Burke buried her face in her hands, she had to talk to her daughter.

This time there was no denying it: he was beginning to regain some control over himself, or over what he had become. The mind of thirty year old Jesse Aarons had finally begun to register long dormant sensory inputs, though not as he expected would happen. Every sensation passed through a barrier that seemed to cause him some sort of mental pain. He had the impression he was fighting to experience anything, and over time he became certain of this idea. What it was, who it was, seemed obvious: he was fighting the barriers of fear and despondency he had built over the years. There were probably other things, too, but they could wait.

The last time he had experienced something, he knew it was about Leslie Burke, an enlightenment that gave him hope to press on. He finally knew she was alive. And if she was alive, he reasoned, then he had to have been successful, at least in part, with reaching back in time to his earlier self. This is good, isn't it? He pondered.

As his consciousness continued to register events, he began to understand what each one was, and it frightened him. His senses had become merged and entered into his mind through a single conduit. Feel, taste, smell, sight, and hearing were no longer distinct aspects of a bodily experience, but neither were they completely void of meaningful information. He knew that at some point he had touched Leslie and had been touched back. But whether it was a caress or a slap he had no clue. Sight was the hardest to understand because the sense came across as waves of color and smell and even a deafening noise. He likened it to trying to see an individual pixel of color on a television screen while being accosted by a deafening rock band; it was to distracting to be able to focus.

Should I try to make myself known to…myself? He thought. He was quite certain he was in his earlier self. Should I let myself die out, if I even can? Leslie was alive, and that was all he had set out to do. He knew his own personal life was gone, he could never exist as a corporeal person again. Could I co-exist with m younger self, he wondered. That idea was appalling for he feared he might destroy another life.

No, Jesse, you've done what you set out to do. It's time to let go… But how? He suspected that when the mind he existed in now was dead he would also die. But that could be years, decades! I could try to communicate with myself, but then I'd probably get my younger self sent to Western State Mental Hospital.

Mentally sitting down to think, Jesse recalled another important part of his existence: how he got where he was. The Dark Master…he's still here, somewhere.

An indeed he was. The hold he had placed over the older Jesse Aarons was far too powerful for the boy or adult Jesse to break. Allowing the older Jesse to have a peak at his world had been a stroke of genius, the malevolent being mused, it will make my part that much easier.

Steeling back into the recesses of younger Jesse's mind, the Dark Master began to merge selected memories from both Jesses. Finished, he released another of the holds he had created to prevent the older Jesse from breaking through. In seconds he knew it had worked. He smiled.

This is going to be so much fun.

This time the entire house heard it. In seconds, everyone but Joyce Ann was standing at Jesse and May's bedroom door; their mother holding the terrified nine year old, their father trying to wake Jesse up. The nightmare, so carefully crafted and planted was all the more powerful thanks to the events of a few hours earlier.

Mrs. Aarons sent the girls back to their room with May and strict instructions to listen for the baby. The older girls, themselves deeply shaken, nodded. The mother also noticed that it was the first time, since the accident a year before, that the two teens showed any concern for their brother.

With the others now gone, Mary Aarons went to her son's bed and sat beside her husband. Jesse seemed to be floating in and out of a terrifying dream and couldn't be woken up. When the next fit came upon him, both parents were moved to tears with frustration and concern. At the start and end of each cycle, before his screams became unintelligible, they could tell it had to do with Leslie dying: he was reliving her near death as if she had actually died.

"Should we take him to the hospital?" Mary asked her husband.

"I don't know. I'm sure they could sedate him. I…I just don't know!" Jack pounded the headboard in frustration and the board split down the length with a loud crack. Jesse junior seemed stunned for a moment, shaken out of his dream, but then slipped into another one of the uneasy lulls between outbursts.

"Mary, go call the Burke's. Tell them what's happening and see if we can bring Jesse by on the way to the hospital. Maybe seeing Leslie will calm him."

It was the best idea either parent had had and she ran off to make the call. Bill Burke, sounding more than a little hung-over, answered and listened until his wife took the phone; she said to come right over. While Mr. Burke quickly threw on some clothes, his wife woke up Leslie, telling her that she needed to go to the family room. When her mother left to get herself dressed, Leslie, still not fully awake, stumbled into her father in the upstairs hallway. As they walked down the steps together, he told Leslie what he knew about the problem.

Minutes later Judy Burke opened the front door and Jesse's father carried his limp son into the house. Mrs. Aarons went directly to Leslie and explained what was happening.

"Leslie, we can't get him to wake up or understand us, he…he seems the be having a dream that you're dead. Would you try talking to him, please? It might calm him."

Without so much as a nod, Leslie went over to sit with Jesse and his father. The next round of terrors were about to begin, she was warned "Watch out, he thrashes about when he really gets into this." A purple bruise on Mr. Aarons' cheek proved the statement true.

Leslie repositioned herself at Jesse's head and spoke to him. His groans might have stopped for a second, but it was hard to tell. Leslie took his hands and held them tightly, feeling Jesse's muscles tense as he tried to pull away.

"Jess, it's me, Leslie. Can you hear me? I'm right here, I'm ok. Jess? I'm here." She began repeating the words, only raising her voice when Jesse started screaming. With tears now pouring down her face, too, Leslie kept trying to break through. Suddenly she did. Jesse stopped struggling and appeared to settle, muttering something unintelligible.

"Good, Jess," Leslie continued, moving her face down near his ear so only he could hear her words. "You're ok, Jess, I'm here…I'm always here for you."

Again Jesse's body seemed to relax further. He reached a hand up and found Leslie's arm. "Les?"

She smiled back. I'm here, Jess."

"No, you're not, YOU'RE DEAD!" and he pushed her away, but did not return to his hysterical state. He was just crying, curling up in his father's lap. All five of the onlookers could tell he was truly certain Leslie was dead. They looked at each other. "Mary, let's get him to the hospital," her husband finally said, unable to endure seeing his son in so much anguish.

"Jesse, wait," Bill Burke put a hand on his neighbor's shoulder. "Why don't we let Les talk to him some more? If he really believes she's dead this may be the best way to make him understand it isn't so."

Jesse looked to his wife for direction; Mary shrugged helplessly.

"Ok, Leslie, would you try again, please?" Mr. Aarons asked.

"Sure," was all she could say through her sniffles. She moved back, sitting again by her friend's head, and talked. Some of her words were muffled by her own sobs, but Mary noticed the first sign of her son's improvement after only a few seconds: Jesse's hand was searching for Leslie, as if he had to touch her to believe she was still there. Mrs. Aarons took his hand and guided it to Leslie's. She, in turn, held it and then moved it to her face. They could all tell there was recognition when Jesse moved his hand to the side of Leslie's head and touched the left side of her scar. She spoke for another minute or so and then Jesse suddenly rolled off his father's lap into a sitting position on the floor and opened his bleary eyes.

"Where am I? Les…why are you here?" He looked at his surroundings. "Oh, wait, why am I here?" Leslie slipped down to the floor on Jesse's right, his mother was on her son's left. When Jess turned to Leslie and hugged her, his choice for comfort was not lost on the four adults.

Judy Burke returned to bed a short while later. Jesse had fallen peacefully asleep, leaning against Leslie who was showing signs of nodding off herself.

"Bill, can we stay for a while? I want to be sure Jess is over this?" Mary asked.

"Of course, I should have offered. Let me get you some pillows and blankets." As he stood up, the other adults could tell he was not a man who held his liquor well; he weaved a bit as he walked up the stairs.

"Mary, why don't you take the truck home? I'll stay here with Jess…and," he looked down at Leslie who had fallen asleep. "It'll be dawn in a couple hours, I don't think the Burkes would mind if we stayed until then."

"Not at all," Bill Burke said, descending the stairs, struggling to hold an armful of bedding. "You go, Jesse and I will take care of the kids."

Smiling, Mary thanked their neighbor and then gave both men a stern look. "Not another drop, either of you!" And she was gone.

"That's a riot!" Bill Burke laughed mirthlessly, rubbing his head. "I spent the first two hours after we got home puking up all that JD you fed me. I'm going to be so sick later."

Jack gave one of his rare deep laughs. "Go drink a couple glasses of cold water. You'll feel like pukin' again, but if you can keep it in you'll feel better when you get up. I know."

Bill gave him a skeptical look, but took the advice. Later that day he wasn't sure he felt any better than he would have. The bottle he'd found had been given to him a decade earlier and never opened. Neither he nor his wife drank anything but an occasional beer or glass of wine, and he had no plans to have hard liquor again in this lifetime.

It was well after dawn when Judy Burke came down the stairs to an interesting scene in the family room. She quietly went back up to her office and picked up her digital camera. After adjusting the settings for the yellow-tinted morning light she napped a number of pictures of the four people sleeping on the floor, including one with a particularly high blackmail value of Jack drooling on his pillow. Her husband, she saw, was sprawled out (or passed out, she wasn't sure which) on the other side of the kids. Jess and Leslie were both on their stomachs, deep in sleep; Jesse was snoring lightly. He looked like nothing had happened to him a few hours earlier, but Judy knew it wasn't true. She knew something was wrong with Jesse.

No one has nightmares like that.

Saturday, April 12, 2008
Dear Diary,

Yesterday was the best day of my life. JESSE FINALLY KISSED ME! He was soooo cute - and it surprised me. And he says I'm his girl! I'd say I had died and gone to heaven, but I don't believe in heaven, not just yet. IT WAS WONDERFUL! But I have to be honest, I think Jesse needs to practice kissing a little more…hahaha. Maybe I can help?

Dad and Mr. Aarons saw us when it happened and started laughing. I've never been so embarrassed in my life, but Mom and Mrs. Aarons came out and took care of them. Jesse and I sat around for another hour, just talking. We even held hands when it was almost time for me to go home. I don't think either of us wanted the day to end. I know I didn't.

Unfortunately Jesse had a horrible nightmare a couple hours later and his parents couldn't wake him. They were really frightened and brought him over because they said he was dreaming I had drowned last year. I was able to calm him and we fell asleep on the floor of the family room with his dad and mine. When (my) Dad woke up he looked a little green, Jesse's father was giving him odd smiles, like he was enjoying my father's color.

Mom and I are off to Roanoke today to buy her maternity clothes. She said that Jesse was going to his doctor to get checked out so I won't be seeing him most of today. And I miss him. :-(

Gawd! I'm starting to sound like those pathetic eighth grade girls now.

Note to myself: Don't get sappy.

Revision 1.1, April, 2008