Chapter 11

"Obsession, Withdrawal, and Relapse"

My first meeting went as well as could be expected. It was my turn to speak, so I didn't have to do much other than explain the presentation I prepared. It detailed exactly how this quarter was expected to go. In addition to that, I had planned the TTA to the millisecond. Everyone on the board of directors had a specific place to be just about every second of the day. Each person could expect their itineraries by the end of the week. After that was over with, and everyone had left the board room, Alice looked over to me with an encouraging smile.

"You've still got it, honey."

"Oh yeah, how so?" I groaned, flipping my notebook closed and gathering the rest of my things.

"No sleep, no problem," she cheered.

"I can't keep this up, Alice. I'm going to keel over any second."

"Just make it through today. You can go home and sleep at five if you want."

"You're such a good cheerleader," I jested as I walked past her for the door.

"Rah-Rah-Shish-Boom-Bang!" Alice sang, her hand suddenly landing on the sorest part of my body. I stopped, straightened, and turned my head over my shoulder to look at her, a grimace smearing across my face. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" she cooed softly.

"I. Hate. You." I whispered before taking off through the door towards my office.

I could hear her soft cackle in the background as I marched forward. She caught up with me a few seconds later, stifling a grin and trying to move along with the conversation.

"So, Jazz got a promotion at work," she announced.

"Wonderful. So what does he do now? Watch other people listen to teenagers complain about high school?"

"Bella . . ." Alice chastised.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Alice. I'm just a little cranky this morning - if you couldn't tell."

"He's been at the same school for over five years now. It was a big raise for us; a raise that means I can go on maternity leave sooner."

"Oh," I sighed as the gravity of her announcement hit me.

Oh.

That's right. Maternity leave. Alice was pregnant. She was telling me she'd be leaving a helluva lot sooner. "Oh, Alice. That's wonderful news. I'm really happy for you two."

"God, there's so much to do. The guest room has to be converted to the baby room, obviously. There's cribs to buy and walls to paint. I'm so excited about this, Bella. I think I'm gonna wait until the delivery to know the sex of the baby. You know? Make everything unisex," Alice jabbered. All she could think about was the baby, and all I could think about was what Edward meant by telling me I should be nervous about tonight.

What should I expect, whips and chains?

The thought made me laugh, and as I brought my hand to my lips, I looked to Alice, who evidently had said something that didn't deserve a chuckle.

"Bella, were you even listening to me?"

"Of course I was."

She crossed her arms and stamped her foot at me as we reached the door to my personal sanctuary. "No, you weren't. I asked you if you would mind going color hunting with me this Saturday, to which you laughed in response."

I nodded my head as I opened the door and took a few steps in. "I'm sorry. I'm just not very lucid today. Accept my apology, and yes, I would love to go color hunting with you on Saturday."

"It's settled then." She flipped some files in her hands and took a few steps closer to me, eyeing the wince on my face incredulously. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I muttered, leaning against my desk for support.

"Okay then, moving on to this Friday. Are you prepared for Dean's banquet?"

"Flash cards written, presentation backed up and then backed up again. The memory card is right here, the CD is at my house. Honey, I was born ready."

"Are you going to be able to stand there for ten whole minutes without keeling over from exhaustion?"

"Alice, I'll be fine. Is Jessica ready?"

"She sent me the final copy of her portion this morning. So far, so good. I also took a look at Paul's report on sales. That needs some work, but it's almost there."

"Great. I'm sure you can help him out with that, can't you? What time am I supposed to be there on Friday?"

"Seven. I'll arrange for the limo to drive us," Alice explained. "Are you about ready to head to lunch?" I nodded in response and Alice gave me a warm smile before turning to retrieve her things from her office. While waiting for her return, I debated taking a look into enemy territory. Just one tiny little peek wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

I told him I wouldn't be in here at all today, so there'd be no reason for him to be looking my direction. There was practically no risk of me getting caught. My fingers ran the outline of the curtain, pulling it slightly to the left as my curious eyes violated the promise I'd made to myself.

He was sitting behind his desk, his jacket thrown casually over the back of his chair. He scratched the back of his head and stretched both arms before leaning back in his chair to relax. The outline of his muscles on his arms and chest were enough to make me start panting. A twist of my stomach told me that no matter what I should be "nervous" about this evening, it would be a blast, and I couldn't wait to see what it was. His chair started to swivel in my direction so I snapped the curtain shut quickly out of fear that I would be caught spying on his office. I couldn't risk someone walking in and seeing me in such a precarious disposition.

"Ready to go?" Alice chirped from outside my door. I nodded and forced my stubborn feet to move her direction, eventually continuing down the hallway and into the elevator. "You should try warming lotion. Trust me. It works," Alice whispered once we were alone inside the metal box.

"Yeah, I noticed how you didn't answer that question about Jasper. You little minx," I teased. We both giggled for a few minutes until she nudged me with her elbow in response. As the doors opened for the lobby, we walked through the crowded space and circled the revolving doors. It wasn't terribly long until the company limo pulled up in front of us. Alice climbed into the back seat first, and as I got in behind her, I stole a glance across the street. I was half expecting to see him standing there, preparing to follow me, but there was no one. Just the normal hustle bustle of crowded New York City streets. I sighed and slowly sat down on the plush leather seats, pulling the door closed behind me.

"Jake and Rose said that they would meet us there," Alice explained.

"Have you told them yet? About your spawn?"

She laughed and covered her mouth with her hand. "No, I was planning on doing that today. Act surprised. I don't want them knowing that I told my best friend before my own flesh and blood."

I nodded my head in agreement, obviously understanding how that situation would end. Rose would get pissed, and Jake might never talk to Alice again. "I'll do my best."

"Thanks."

"Did you remember to bring the contract she is supposed to sign?" I blurted in an anxious tone. This meeting was almost pointless without that signed paperwork.

"Of course, love. I've got it covered," Alice assured me.

God, love her. What was I going to do when she left me? This whole her-being-pregnant thing was really throwing a wrench in my plan for us to take over the world.

Forty-five minutes later, Alice and I found ourselves stepping out of the limo to enter this really fancy Italian restaurant. Jake and Rose were already standing outside waiting for us. Jake had his hands in his pockets, idly admiring each male that walked by as usual, while Rose, with her cellphone glued to her head, screamed at someone on the other end as usual.

"I told you Jane, I don't care what you do! Just have it done by the time I get back," Rose hissed into her phone before slamming it shut. " . . . stupid twit." Rose shook her beautiful blond head and looked our direction, her eyes lighting up at the sight of me. It had been almost two weeks since I'd seen her, and we simply weren't used to that. We used to spend everyday together. "Hey guys! How are you?"

"Ugh . . . we've got some catching up to do," I groaned, throwing my arms around her for a hug.

"Jake was telling me something along those lines. I can't wait to hear the entire story," Rose replied in her annoying, high pitched, "I-know-you-did-something-bad-and-I'm-about-to-tell-mom" tone that had never faded with age or maturity. It had been the same tone since grade school.

"You talked?" I shouted at Jake, punching him in the bicep.

"Did you really expect me not to? She's the only one who can talk sense into you." Jake retorted with a return playfully slug to my shoulder.

A square table at the back of the restaurant seemed to be the perfect spot. The waiter dropped off our menus, but that proved pointless to me. I already knew what I wanted. Mushroom spaghetti, Caesar salad, and bread sticks. (Fuck Atkins, carbs are the shit!)

Drink orders underway, Rose turned to me with death stare. "So, how long have you been screwing the Cullen?"

"Ugh, God," I groaned, shooting Jake an angry look for having been such a big mouth. I spent the next twenty minutes filling her in on everything that had happened up until this point, including some things Jake and Alice had no idea about, such as a brief depiction of what happened last night concerning a poker match, getting ditched, and then brutally woken up only a few hours later. "I'm exhausted," I concluded as I looked back and forth between Rose and her younger adopted brother.

"Is he married?" Rose instinctively asked.

"No, I don't believe so. I think Wikipedia would have mentioned that. Actually, it didn't say much about his love life at all," I elaborated.

"You're basing your information off a Wikipedia site?" Jake snorted.

"There wasn't much else to look at, only webpages where his research was cited or accredited," I answered, somewhat defensively.

"Look, Bella. This isn't a smart idea. I mean, you know how powerful the Cullens are, and if you get caught, you can kiss your career goodbye," Rose sternly added.

"You don't think I've thought of that?"

"Then why are you still screwing around with him?" she countered.

"I'm pulled to him, Rose. Like he's my match or something."

"Oh, that's horseshit!" Alice threw into the conversation.

I shot her an ugly look. "Hush up, you! Things have obviously changed since last weekend," I hissed, pointing to my swollen and bruised rump.

Rose took a deep breath and crossed her hands over her forehead. "Isabella, I have never once given you motherly advice, nor have I ever told you what to do with your life. You've always seemed to have a good head on your shoulders. But I am strongly advising you to end this arrangement . . . tonight. Do it before it begins to hurt."

"So, let me get this straight. He spanked you . . . with a ping pong paddle?" Jake interrupted with a huge grin.

I nodded twice.

"Kinky," he added with apathy.

"Not helping," Alice said. It looked like she was going to say something else, but Rose interjected.

"Let's think about this rationally, Bella. Let's put aside all romantic, fluffy, stupid feelings I'm sure you've got going on right now, forget that he's a pretty face with apparently exceptional bedside manner. Focus on the facts. He's your enemy, your competition, and you say he pursued you?I don't know what Dean's talking about because the last time I checked, CI was doing extraordinarily well. It's going to be a close quarter, Bella. The only logical explanation for his persistence is that there's something to gain from the situation, and you have something he wants terribly," Rose explained, pausing for effect. "The number one spot."

My eyebrows raised in response.

"Suppose he were able to take just a small percentage of clients from you," she continued, "perhaps two or three big accounts. He could dominate that gap in a heart beat, couldn't he?"

"From the looks of her today, it sounds like he pretty much dominated that gap last night, didn't he?" Jake joked.

I couldn't help but laugh at that one.

The waiter chose that moment to come back with our drinks and take our orders.

"Where does he live? Why haven't you been to his loft, yet?" Rose asked.

"I don't know. Somewhere two floors up. He says we can't go there because of his roommate, that it will compromise the arrangement," I explained.

"Well, fuck that." Rose snorted. "I say you go scope it out."

"I'm planning on investigating it tomorrow. I'm going to ask that blond kid who works in my building where Edward lives."

"Good, and after you do that, you need to end it," Rose suggested sternly.

"Rose, I've been fighting with myself for a week and a half now. I can't . . . I just can't say no to him."

"Imagine if this goes public, Bella -" Alice cut in.

"I've thought of that as well. Look, if anything happens that compromises us . . . we'll stop it."

"If it's that easy, why haven't you stopped it already?" Rose took a drink of her lemon water and raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows expectantly. "What makes you think that the longer you go through with this, the easier it will be to break away when the shit hits the fan, which you know it will?" Rose and her magnificant foresight. How could she know that the shit would ultimately hit the fan? Well. . . I suppose she had it right. This secret of ours couldn't possibly last forever. Nothing ever does, especially anything good.

"A wolf only gnaws it's own foot off when it's chained to a rock. It doesn't do it just because it ultimately will be chained to said rock," I challenged.

"But if that wolf knew that not having a foot would keep him from being chained in the first place -"

"Wait, I'm confused. Who's the wolf?" Jake blurted.

"I'm the wolf," I explained, looking back to Rose, who pursed her lips and shrugged defiantly.

"You know I'm right," she said.

"Regardless . . . things don't seem to be a problem now," I blubbered, instantly realizing the idiocy of that statement once it had left my lips. Just because they weren't a problem now doesn't mean things won't eventually fall off shit hill, and land in a huge pile of angst, awkward business outings, self destruction, and sleepless nights.

"What happens when you fall in love with him?" Rose brought to my attention.

"Who says that's where I'm headed? You know as well as I do that sex does not always equal love," I argued.

"I read an article a few days ago about the mating habits of the prairie vole," Rose started.

"What?" I stifled a giggle and took a sip of my water as well. "What in the hell is a prairie vole, and what does it have to do with my sex life?"

"They're like these little mice that live out in Arkansas or something. They also happen to be one of the whole three percent of species that are monogamous. Anyway, these researchers have found out that when these voles mate, their brains produce dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin, the same chemicals that are released when humans have sex. These chemicals also happen to be those released when snorting cocaine, or shooting heroin, for example. It's the same kind of feeling, the same kind of rush. If you release these chemicals repeatedly with the same person, you're bound to develop some sort of "addiction" to it and to that person. Sex evolves into love, and love is the most addictive chemical reaction your brain can have.'

'The article went on to explain the three stages of addiction, Bella. Obsession, withdrawal, and relapse. They, then, compared these stages to those of a typical relationship. Lust, romance, and long term commitment. Sound familiar? Lust to obsession, withdrawal to romance, and long term commitment to relapse. Guess what they found out? The more you fuck the same person, the more you become addicted to them, whether they're right for you or not, really whether you even like them or not. That's why so many women are trapped in relationships they don't like with men they no longer love. If they could just keep their legs closed long enough to withdrawal completely, perhaps they'd have a fighting chance. But you, Bella, you need to be prepared for the next step when that happens, and it will scientifically happen. I see where this is going, and so far, it doesn't look good for you. Either you fall in love, and he breaks your heart. Or the story goes public, and Jenks forces you to break your own heart. The woman always takes the fall, Bella."

"I'm doing a pretty good job at keeping my heart guarded, thank you."

"Yeah, it certainly looks like you are," Alice joked, giving me a poke in the ribs.

"Well, thanks for the sex-ed lesson, Dr. Ruth. I'll keep that in mind," I jested, looking from Rose to the empty space in front of me.

"Bella . . . please be careful. I got you this position. I don't want to look like an ass if you mess it up."

"Oh, well if that's the real reason for your concern, why didn't you just say so to begin with? I'll end it tomorrow," I sarcastically responded.

"I'm not only watching out for my own ass, believe it or not. I'm watching out for yours as well, however swollen and stinging it might be," Rose acidly replied.

"Let's just move on, huh? There are two reasons why we're here today, neither of which have to do with my love life." I rolled my eyes at her and redirected my attention to Alice.

"I know I have to sign the contracts, what's the other reason we're here?" Rose inquired.

"I have some news," Alice started, looking nervously from me back to them.

"Well, come on then. Out with it," Jake insisted, waving his hands at her.

"Jazz got a big promotion at work. They've almost doubled his salary," Alice hesitantly began, taking a sip of her tea.

"That's great. What are you going to do with the extra cash?" Rose asked.

"I'd buy a yacht," Jake added, leaning back in his chair to cross his arms.

"Have a baby," Alice quietly responded.

My jaw dropped in fake surprise, but the look on everyone else's face was absolutely priceless. Rose was more shocked than anything else, while Jake simply smiled and started to laugh. "What?" he snorted. "Are you serious?"

"We're pregnant," Alice elaborated with a giant smile.

"Have you told Mom and Dad?" Rose instantly said.

"No, not yet. I was planning on doing that next, once I had your blessing," Alice explained, seeming taken aback by Rose's immediate response.

"Oh my God," Jake yelped with excitement instantly throwing his hand over his mouth in amazement.

"Wow, congratulations," Rose bellowed, rising to walk around the table. She threw her arms around Alice's neck and embraced her lovingly. Jake was next, almost on the verge of tears himself. I gave Alice a wink and a tiny hug, just so she knew I would keep our secret. They didn't need to know that I knew first. It didn't matter anyway. Alice had told them before her parents, and that's all that counted. The waiter eventually brought our food to our table while the excitement of Alice's news only intensified.

We spent the majority of the meal talking about their plans, and how Alice wanted to do the baby room. Of course Rose had a problem with waiting until the birth to know the sex, while Jake seemed enamored and immediately went to work on writing down baby names. It was evident that Rose was happy for Alice, and wanted nothing but the best for her. But deep down, I knew Rose was eternally jealous. She longed for the relationship Alice had with Jasper and was tired of being alone, though she never really found someone she felt compatible with. She was constantly in a catch twenty two; she hated getting to know people, yet she longed to know somebody.

A huge salad and a plate of mushroom spaghetti firmly resting in my stomach, the banter eventually rounded back to my love life.

"Okay, I'm putting it to a vote. We're going seventh grade on this shit. Round robin, let's go. I vote get rid of him before you spiral out of control," Alice said, looking to Jake sitting to her right.

"I say if he makes you happy, he makes you happy. Keep screwing him. I haven't seen you this tired in weeks. A long night shows, and honey, the long night was worth it. Fuck his brains out," Jake replied, giving me his suggestive wink and smile.

"What? Five days ago you were all about fucking some stranger at a club, and a half an hour ago, you were sitting there babbling about "Rose talking some sense into me." Now you want me to stick it out with him?" I protested.

"That was before he brought out the wanton slut we all knew was hiding inside of you. Five days ago, you were all Oh-I-need-to-break-up-with-him-I-need-to-end-it. Now, you're all Yeah-he-beat-me-with-a-paddle-and-I-liked-it. Sex that great is not something you should throw away just because you're scared," he continued.

I turned my attention to Rose and crossed my arms. "And you?"

"End it, Bella," she stated firmly.

"Well, being that I'm the only one who has any real say in this, I vote to stick it out . . . if only to find out what he's up to. Suppose he does have something to gain, suppose I catch him in the act."

"Suppose that hurts you more than anything else he could possibly do," Rose added. "Suppose you love him when you find out he's stabbing you in the back. What then?"

I shifted my gaze to Jake who smiled and shot a wink my direction. "Don't listen to these hags, Bells. This one's pregnant, and the other hasn't been laid in years."

"Hey!" Rose groaned, smacking him on the back of the head. "I get laid. I just don't have relationships. . . and for good reason. The sex gets boring after about a week."

"What if the sex were only getting better?" I asked with a snort.

"It doesn't matter. An enemy is an enemy. How well do you know him, Bella? Like really know him? Perhaps you need to do some spying yourself. I'll call my friend over at the Department of Defense. Do you want me to pull his background information?"

"What? Rosalie! That's ridiculous, not to mention illegal," Alice protested.

"How much would that cost me?" I replied, completely ignoring Alice's outburst all together.

"A well marinated steak with that sauce you used to make all the time," Rose responded quickly.

"Wait, Bella. That's a little extreme. You don't need to see that," Jake interjected.

"It probably doesn't say anything juicy anyway. Besides, who's to say he hasn't already seen mine? The man sure knows a lot about me."

Rose's eyes perked in interest. "Such as?"

"A freakish amount. It's as if he's been spying on me for years or something."

Rose crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. "Isabella Swan, you might have something there."

"Get me the file," I demanded.

"See, this is why you don't have relationships, Rose. Your buddy at the Department of Defense throws their dirty laundry in your face before they have a chance to clean it up for you," Jake joked, shooting a crooked grin at Alice who immediately returned it.

Rose ignored the two of them and instead focused intensely on my face. She knew I was being serious and that nothing these two could say would deter me. My curiosity was eating away at what little self respect I had left, and I just had to know what that file said, I had to know if he had ever done anything like this before. Tax records, background checks, and credit reports sure tell you a lot about a person. Hell, I could probably take one look at those documents and learn more about him than I had in two weeks of fucking his brains out.

"I'll try," Rose eventually said. "Meanwhile, you'd do well to check your laptop. See if he's been using it, and, do yourself a favor, find out where he lives."

"I'm already on it."

Rose shook her head and stifled a laugh. "What am I going to do with you?" She rose and pushed her chair under the table to walk towards the entrance. The three of us followed her lead.

"You'll sit back and silently watch me destroy myself if only for the chance to say you told me so," I snidely murmured, causing a giggle from Jake and Alice, but a strong look from Rosalie. We walked out to the street and our drivers pulled up to the sidewalk.

"You know me too well." Rose gave me a small smile as she threw an arm around my shoulders.

She gave Alice a hug and congratulated her one last time before climbing into her limo, followed by Jake. She would evidently drop him off on her way back to the office.

"You're ridiculous," Alice chided, scooting into the back of our ride.

"No one will ever know about my retrieving his file, Alice, but I feel like I need to do this."

"You don't need to do this. You just want to, incredibly bad. Why can't you just ask him? Just be blunt with him."

"He doesn't work like that," I explained, drumming on my kneecaps.

"Hmm . . . may I remind you that pulling someone's confidential information without their permission is a huge felony? You'll end up some big ladies bitch if you aren't careful," Alice warned.

"It's the Department of Defense, Alice. It's fine. Trust me, Rose does this all the time. Remember when you first started dating Jasper?"

"Yeah and I found out he owed a porn store like two hundred dollars or something. That sure made me happy I pulled his information, Bella," Alice sarcastically ranted. "Besides, this isn't Jasper we're talking about. Jasper is a guidance counselor at a rich high school for over privileged snots. Edward Cullen is your competitor. If he found out about this, he could sue you and Dyco Tech. Then, we'd have to let him buy us our just to shut him up."

"I think you're overreacting. I don't think he'd do that to me. Besides, I think Rose is on to something. If he is trying to stab me in the back, it's better I find out about it now before he breaks my - " My voice broke a little at the end causing Alice to raise her eyebrows in response.

"Uh oh . . . you're already there aren't you."

"Shut it, preggo."

"Bella! This was just supposed to be sex. Some silly arrangement," she hissed.

"It still is . . . I don't know. I'll decide how I feel about it after tomorrow. Something's not right about this man."

"I worry about you, love. I really do."

"I worry about myself," I sighed, turning my attention to the pedestrians hustling about outside my window.

The rest of the ride was silent. We arrived back at the office around one thirty, just in time for another meeting. This particular one was about our military contract with the government. Dyco Tech had been developing revolutionary espionage equipment for the last five years, and the TTA would mark the pinnacle of that research. We finally had some "real spy equipment" to showcase.

The primary and most expensive design was a miniature rover that had a 20 megapixel lens built into the top. This lens sat on top of a revolving sphere, enabling 360 degrees of view. This rover was operated by what resembled a playstation remote and could reach distances of 800 yards before any decrease in video signal. To top it off, the rover was the size of a cock roach. Like I said, truly revolutionary.

This got me thinking. Just what exactly was Edward Cullen hiding in his loft? What kind of skeletons went bump in the night when he tried to shut those pretty green eyes? My mind instinctively went to the most extreme. He had killed someone. He'd murdered them brutally and hidden bits of their body parts throughout his kitchen.

Some roommate . . .

HA!

Edward didn't seem the Jeffery Dahmer type. In fact, he seemed too calm to be real. I'd told him about Dean's banquet and he barely broke a sweat. I told him about my stealing his client, and he brushed it off like some minor detail. Perhaps Rose was right . . . perhaps he didn't care because he was planning to do the same thing to me, but three fold, or even ten fold.

This sinking realization hit me like a wrecking ball. I had seriously put myself and my company at risk by even allowing him in my life whatsoever, let alone my loft. So many reckless nights where I had fallen asleep before him, or woken up to a note beckoning me downstairs. Edward let himself out, and let himself back in last night. How in the hell did he do that? Surely he didn't leave the door unlocked, that would be foolish. Had he made himself a key? Molding puddy is easy to come by in this line of work, but that would be lunacy. That would be so . . . violating. He wouldn't do that . . . would he?

Surely two weeks ago I wouldn't conceive myself of committing a privacy felony, but here I sit, anxiously awaiting the background information of my arch nemesis. If I was capable of such things, surely he would be as well. I had to check my laptop almost immediately. My breathing began to pick up as a sickening pain welled in the pit of my stomach.

Oh My God. I'd just screwed myself.

"Bella? Are you ready to present?" Alice whispered, her warm hand shaking my wrist to wake me from my stupor.

I shook my head a little, startled to suddenly be sitting in front of my peers. I suppose, in the heat of my droning, I'd forgotten where in the hell I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I snapped my gaping jaw shut and hesitantly looked around the room. "Okay, everyone . . . " I nervously began. After a few hesitant sentences, I got back into the swing of things.

I was wrong to be thinking about him at work. I had to focus on getting my staff ready for these conventions in a few weeks.

An hours worth of talking later, I felt better about my companies grasp on what we were facing and how important it was that we prevail. This upcoming quarter was pivotal in directing how next year would play out. After I felt like we all understood where Dyco Tech was headed, I announced objectives covered and made my way back to the confines of my office. I painfully shuffled to my chair and threw my folders to the side of my desk.

Attempting to work was pointless. All I could think about was him. Rose was right, love was an addiction disorder. First came the obsession and the addiction. All you can think about is that drug . . . that person. Then the withdrawal. It physically hurt to be away from that person, that chemical, that oxytocin. All combined to ultimately form relapse. A bitter cycle. One finds themselves back to square one with obsessions and withdrawals.

My fingers casually swept the length of my desk and pried open the top drawer, instantly landing on the binoculars and bringing them to my eyes. I stood, taking a few unsteady steps towards the curtains, and inched them to the side. He was at his desk, as usual, curling the back of his hair with one finger while his exceptionally gorgeous assistant reviewed some paperwork with him. She stood to his right, hunched over his desk while he typed away on the computer.

He started laughing at something and then swiveled my direction while Blondie started to look over her shoulder. I quickly ducked behind my curtains and crept back to my chair, slowly easing down on the cold leather to return to my work. I supposed there were things I could have prepared for Dean, reports to glance over. I still had to finalize that contract with Vanderhausen, not to mention pack. When would I find time to pack for two weeks bouncing around the country.

I collapsed on my desk, my head banging the strong wood with a loud thud. I closed my eyes and allowed a few minutes of solace. Nothing. Absence. Emptiness.

Buzz. Buzz.

Grunting, I reached my hand into my purse and retrieved my blackberry, sitting up to bring it into focus.

New text message
The Spy

"Now I understand the curtains. Control issues?"

I bit my bottom lip, debating how to respond.

"What are you talking about?"

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed again.

"You can see what you want, but I'm left to my own imagination. Gotcha. Point taken. We'll talk soon."

"You ARE the enemy, you know."

Seconds passed like hours as I waited for a response. When nothing came, I assumed he'd gotten ticked at me and I'd hear a lecture about it later.

Back to work I went, thinking of anything and everything I could possibly get done. I had to keep myself distracted, less I be tempted to look again. Around five thirty, Alice came in to say goodbye with a grim look on her face. "Bella, I should tell you something," she announced when she'd fully entered my office and shut the door behind her.

"What's up, doll?" I glanced up at her with a smile.

"We still haven't received Vanderhausen's paperwork. It's been almost two weeks. Should I call them tomorrow?"

I nodded and pulled his file up on my computer. Alice was right. Payment and paperwork reported absent. "Yes, please call them tomorrow and ask what the fuck is going on."

"Gotcha. Try not to be here too late tonight, huh? Warming lotion . . . remember that." Alice waved goodbye and took off, gently closing the door behind her.

I took a deep breath and considered peeping. I wanted to do it so damn bad. I had to know what he was up to, but I also knew that I needed to resist that temptation. No sooner did I think about this that my phone began vibrating and belting out the Mission Impossible theme song. I rummaged through my Mary Poppins bag and pressed answer once I finally had it in my grasp. It was him.

"Hello," I greeted, painfully crossing one leg over the other as I swiveled my chair the direction of the windows. I inched the curtain back a few millimeters, trying my best to remain hidden from his view.

"How was your day?" he asked, skipping the greeting all together. His beautiful hair was in it's normal disarray, as was his tie and button down. Sleeves rolled to his elbows, he leaned against the window and stared into mine.

"Interesting. Learned some things, ignored other things. How about you?"

"About the same actually. Are you tired?"

"Exhausted. Somebody only let me have three hours of sleep last night," I teased.

"Imagine how you'll feel tomorrow," he retorted, flashing me a shit eating grin.

"HAH!" I couldn't help but laugh. I'd been known to pass out standing up if I was tired enough. "If you can keep me awake tonight."

"Hm . . . I don't think you'll want to sleep through this one."

"What? Are you going to break out the whips and chains?"

"Is that something you'd be interested in trying?"

"N-N . . . Well . . . I don't know. Maybe," I answered with mild nervousness and tension evident in my tone. I'd seen a few pornos along these lines and, to be honest, that was not something that was up my alley in any way, shape, or form. But I wouldn't back down from him. If he was destined to whip me, well, I'd just have to let it happen and deal with the consequences of that afterwards.

"I was kidding, Bella. I don't own any whips and chains. Though if that's what's hiding at the bottom of your treasure chest, I'm deeply saddened that you didn't bring them out to play earlier."

I giggled and threw my hand over my face at the thought of what was really buried in that second level. "That's not what's in there, I can assure you."

"Wonderful. Then, listen carefully. Do you know how to get to the Boat Basin?"

The Boat Basin? My heart skipped a beat at the thought that we would be going sailing tonight. "I believe so."

"Go home. Grab your chest and a change of clothes. Meet me there." He sounded as if he was going to hang up, but then continued speaking. "One more thing, Bella, about your message. 'Observe your enemies, for they first find out your faults.' Have you found mine yet?"

Faults. Surely Edward Cullen had faults, but I hadn't put much thought to what those actually might be. I had only seen the pretty face, the brilliant eyes, the bronze hair. I hadn't thought about what might be wrong with him. He didn't sleep, I knew that much. Or, at least he pretended not to sleep. He wanted me to think there was nothing wrong, but I knew better. The boy had a fetish for control, dominance. Not uncommon for a man in his profession. Yet, he was compassionate and observant. He had managed to figure out my life, almost before I was able to. "That's rather prophetic, Mr. Cullen. Did you think of that on your own?" I managed to reply.

He ignored my comment completely. "I know one of yours," he teased, stringing out the last syllable for emphasis.

"Excuse me?"

"You, my dear, are a natural voyeur. You love being watched, though you tend to close your eyes at the very . . . best . . . parts."

"And my control issues?" I asked, referring to his text earlier.

"That's why you still have the curtains hanging in your office. At least here, you have the power to see me anytime you wish. Though that luxury is not one I can share. Notice how I have not returned the favor."

"And why is all of this a fault?" I started to protest, but his sweet voice stopped me yet again.

"Because a voyeur with control issues is called a stalker, Bella."

"You'd be the expert," I acidly responded.

"It wasn't so I'd stop looking at you, it's so you'd stop looking at me. Admit it," he demanded.

I damn near collapsed on my desk. This man could read me like a damn book.

"Okay," I whimpered. "I admit it. But what about you -"

"The Boat Basin. Marina dock number 74. The Mississippi Queen.Eight o clock."

I couldn't control my laughter at that point. "You named your boat after a Mountain song?"

"Hey, I'm surprised you knew that. Good job, Jeopardy facts. Eight O'Clock. Don't be late, it's the closest thing to my loft that you're gonna get." With that, the line went dead. I peered up at him as he shot me a wink and hit the lights in his office before heading for the door.

I tossed my phone into my purse and returned my gaze to the unfinished work on my computer screen. It could wait. Grabbing my things, I raced out of my office and down the hallway to the elevators. Like so many times before, I pushed the button repeatedly, praying for the doors to open swiftly. They finally did, much faster than normal, and I raced inside to press the button for the lobby.

As I paced the tiny space waiting to reach the ground, I retrieved my phone from my purse and looked at the time. Six thirty already. I had just enough time to run home, get changed and grab the chest. I was pretty sure that the Boat Basin was about thirty minutes from my house, and I'd do well to just take my car. That way if things went haywire tonight, I'd have an immediate escape.

The elevator reached the lobby, the doors sliding to either side as I squeezed in between them. I waved to Ollie, who was just starting his shift, while I rushed through the revolving doors and briskly made my way to my car. All the build up, all the energy wasted thinking about him today, and the time was almost here. I would finally touch him again.

I instantly regretted thinking that. It meant that Rose was right. I was falling for him, and when the shit ultimately did hit the fan, it would hurt ten fold. My foot was still on the brake in my office parking garage, my hand brushed over the gear shifter to my right.

Stay or go?

To care or not to care?

I was at odds with myself, and that fact I found quite ridiculous. It didn't matter what I thought now, or what anyone had tried to tell me. I was already on that boat. I was already fucking him. My heart had already been made up, it was my mind who was delaying things.

Gosh, listen to me. I sound like a thirteen year old girl, crowing over some stupid boy at school.

In this moment, as I shifted the car into reverse, I gave up fighting. I would find out where he lived, and still do all the research I was planning, but I couldn't struggle with this anymore. My body was obviously telling me that this was the right way to go, and the fact that I was even debating it meant that whatever I was feeling bordered on sinful. Suppose I did fall in love - shiver - with the enemy.

What then?

The ride home was torturous, mostly consisting of my internal struggle with the urge to back out of tonight. I felt myself growing weaker by the second; his uncanny ability to coerce me into anything simply buckled me at the knees. He knew a ton more about me than I knew of him, forcing me to admit that he was right earlier. Edward Cullen probably knew all my faults, and had accounted for them already. For example, one of my hugest flaws was how I second guess every decision I make up until the very last minute, when I ultimately make the right one. Each time I have second guessed myself around him, he stepped in and made the decision for me. The night at the club, I tried to end it and he pretended not to hear my rant. When I couldn't repeat it, he started dancing with me. Problem solved. When I tried to stop answering his calls, he mysteriously shows up at my loft right in the middle of my rabbit session. How did he know? Why was the timing so perfect?

It was like he was . . . watching me.

Cue the light bulb! Holy. Fucking. Hell!

What if he was watching me? But how?

He certainly hid condoms all over my house, why not tiny cameras or cockroach sized rovers?

My heart rate picked up for a second, and as I pulled up to the parking spot for my complex, I started laughing. That was quite preposterous. There was no possible way I would have missed those things. I just searched my house a few days ago for said birth control. Surely I would have noticed something along the lines of spyware.

Needless to say, when I reached my loft, I instinctively checked all the air ducts for any signs of foul play. Nothing. I checked all the shelves, all the cabinets, and the fridge. I looked over every surface, including those in my bedroom and bathroom. I could see nothing that would make me think he had planted anything here.

I had heard of microphone pens, some that are undetectable. But upon inspection, I found no pens in my apartment. Not a single one. I suppose if pens could be made into microphones, anything could, huh? I could be here all night, picking everything in my house to see if it's attached to a camera or microphone. Suffice to say, I didn't find anything out of the ordinary.

Time to move on to my laptop because I hadn't forgotten about the conversation with Rose. I had left him alone in my loft far too many times than I was willing to admit. He would have had amble access to confidential files about Dyco Tech.

I threw myself down on the couch and opened my Mac on the coffee table. I pressed history on the browser only to realize that there was nothing out of the ordinary. I hadn't been on this thing in a few days, so nothing was listed that shouldn't be. I also don't ever access my company mainframe from this network. It's too risky. Too many people live too close.

I then checked all of my documents, particularly those related to recent clients. Once the customer had signed a contract, there was basically no getting out of it until the term ended. Our fan-fucking-tastic lawyer made sure of that. So the only people Edward would be interested in would be the newest clients. Vanderhausen, Smith, and Anderson; neither of which had turned in a contract yet. Last accessed dates for those files looked good as well. They hadn't been opened since I last looked at them myself.

Okay, so Rose might have been wrong about a few things. Edward wasn't snooping, at least not here, not with my computer.

So . . . what the hell? Was he really a mind reader? Like something out of a science fiction novel?

Shaking my head at the anticlimax, I stalked to my bedroom and retrieved my chest, dragging it from the closet to plop on my bed and flip open the top.

On the first level was a different array of lubricants and plastic vibrators. Loads of fun, but nothing too crazy. This part of the chest separated in the middle and slid to either side, revealing a secret, lower level. A black velvet sheet lay over the contents hidden underneath. Oh the things Edward would think of me once he laid his gorgeous eyes on what was in here. Sure, the rabbit was one of the occupants of chest level two, but there were others. Others that I hadn't even used or thought about using since I purchased them.

Confession time.

I used to sell this stuff in college. Alice and I hosted sex toy parties to make extra money for school. Over time, I collected quite the little squirrel stash. Various arrays of tie downs, blindfolds, anal plugs, suction devices, and cock rings filled the depths of level two. Name it and I've probably got it hidden in there.

That thought made me even more nervous about tonight. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I was a freak, sure, but I wasn't a sex addict. These things just accumulate over time. I needed models to show everyone in order to sell them. After I stopped hosting, I felt it a waste of money to throw them out, and I thought about giving them away, but you don't just give unwrapped vibrators to people. So I kept them in case I ever decided to start my business back up again.

Okay, that's a lie. I kept them to use them. What girl in her right mind would throw away a treasure chest filled with goodies like these?

Overall, the thing weighed about thirty pounds and I could probably carry it downstairs to the car with no problem, but it wasn't exactly the lightest thing in the world.

Slipping out of my stilettos, I kicked them back into my closet and unzipped my pants to slide them to the ground. I pulled my top over my head and looked at my underwear. In my haste to dress this morning, I'd thrown on some rather old attire. I stripped them from my body and walked to my dresser, retrieving a matching blue and white polka dot set to replace it. I sashayed to my closet and took a few steps inside to find the perfect dress.

As I past my beige, Dick Tracy trench coat, I thought about wearing that and only that to the boat tonight. Tempting, yes, but best reserved for another day, one where I didn't have to drive thirty minutes to get to him. I landed on a cream colored halter dress I'd bought a few years ago for a blind date that ended horribly. Since that date, I'd never been able to wear this dress again, it's image instantly reminding me of the loser who'd showed up to meet me. Tonight it would have it's rebuttal, it's second wind, and hopefully I could bring a new connotation to it's slim fitting fabric. I slipped into my leather boots and ran into my bathroom to get my toiletries for tomorrow morning.

Rushing back into the bedroom, I threw my things in my backpack, lopped it over my shoulders and headed for the door. I made sure to lock it behind me, shaky hands struggling with the key while it turned in the lock. I trudged down the hallway towards the elevators, managing to press the down button while balancing the chest in my other arm. A few antagonizing seconds later, the doors opened, revealing my next hurdle: making it to the marina.

On the ride down to the lobby, I ran over his words in my head. "Marina dock 74, The Mississippi Queen . . . it's the closest thing to my loft that you're going to get." What the hell was he hiding in his loft? And why did he consider his boat a "the closest thing to his loft?"

This man was so damn confusing. I'm sure his salary equaled or even exceeded mine. Why would he even have a room mate to begin with? Perhaps it was an ill relative who stayed with him most of the time because he looked after them. Doubtful, the man was barely home. When he wasn't at the office until 10 pm, he was at my place, screwing me three ways to Sunday. Yes, but what did he do before we started fucking?

Perhaps he has a child. Eyes widening with the slightest bit of shock, I realized how much this situation would make sense and fill in the blanks, but I knew for a fact that he didn't have a child. Carlisle never mentioned any grandchildren, and Edward didn't seem the father type.

Perhaps it was not the occupants of his home that was the problem. Perhaps it was the location of his home all together. Perhaps he really didn't live in my building at all.

I've got to get tonight over with.

Go to the boat, Bella. Ride that fucker until the sun comes up, and then get your ass in gear. You'll have twenty four hours to research, dig, and collect information. Come Friday, one of two things would happen:

I would find that there's nothing suspicious about him . . . and he really is a mind reading freak.

Or I would find that he's after my job, my clients and/or my reputation, and voyeur boy was too good to be true all along.

A sickening stab deep in the pit of my stomach told me that the latter was more likely and made me want to stop this arrangement all together. The lobby doors opened and I froze. My feet refused to move forward. I was in deep shit . . . deep, deep shit . . . if it was true, if that's what he was up to.

I should stop this. I should go back upstairs and forget about this whole thing, but I knew that I wouldn't. I knew that I'd see it through to the end, just like I did with everything else in my life.