Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg

Pairings: SS/HP

Genres: Romance, Angst, Drama, Horror, Thriller

Summary: Severus Snape walks in on a certain boy wizard in the bathroom and realises just how much he wants to be with him. He sets out to prove his feelings wrong, but ends up falling deeper in love.But Severus is a cold man, terrified of rejection- can he learn to trust the love of his life before it's too late?

A/N: Sorry about the long wait but I've been really busy. And this chapter gave me a lot of problems (which is why its CRAP) but in the end I just had to give up. Please keep in mind that I wrote this at 5 in the morning!

Chapter 11: Sacrifices

Severus awoke the next morning to find himself lying next to another person. It took him a few moments to remember the identity of that person and when he did he could have sworn he felt his heart freeze.

The events of the night before suddenly all came flooding back. The Dark Lord discovering his true identity; Harry coming to see him; Harry wanting him; Harry practically begging for him. And he, Severus, giving in

What the fuck had he done?

How could he have been so stupid? What the hell had happened to him? Severus Snape had shown his vulnerable side and he was surely going to pay for it now. He hadn't stopped to consider everything; he should have made Harry sit down so that they could discuss the pros and cons of what having sex would mean! They should have gone over, in detail, what each of them hoped to gain out of this relationship! They should have made out a list! Oh why hadn't they made out a list? Severus Snape always planned these things through!

What was he to do now? Would they find it awkward to be around each other? Would Harry want to see him again?

Ok, ok, ok, Severus thought to himself. I can make out a list. Ok. The pros – I like him and he, apparently, likes me. We're both adults. And the cons would be that we're 20 years apart and, despite what Harry says, he really is still my student until he graduates.

Severus still had trouble trying to see why Harry was interested in him in the first place. It wasn't as if he was the most attractive person, what with his hooked nose, pale skin, and greasy hair. And had he been good enough for Harry last night in bed? It wasn't like Harry had anyone to compare him to, which, he supposed, was a plus (he mentally added that to his list) – but had he lived up to Harry's expectations? And would Harry be telling his friends about this?

And with that train of thought, a horrible possibility struck Severus hard. What if it had all been a joke? Some stupid game or dare given to Harry in order to humiliate the horrible Potions Professor? It was, after all, near the end of the school year. It certainly would be a good way for Harry and his friends to leave the school, knowing that they had finally gotten their own back on Snape for all the years of hassle he had given them. That would definitely be a worthy end-of-school Gryffindor prank.

And now the question was, yet again, why? What had possessed him to think that fucking Harry Potter senseless was a good idea? What good could possibly have come out of this? What the hell had Severus been expecting? Severus had never received love off anyone; what made Harry so different?

He'd let himself slide. He'd let the boy charm him. He'd been so overwhelmed with the knowledge that Harry actually wanted him that he'd allowed himself to lose control. Severus Snape never lost control! Oh, he should have seen this coming a mile off.

But it was too late. He'd done it now. He'd let Harry in. He'd dropped his cruel façade and allowed someone to see the sensitive side of him – a side, Severus had to remind himself, that he was ashamed of! He didn't want people to think he could possibly care about them! And he certainly didn't want people to think that maybe they could be loved by him! But by letting Harry sleep with him…there was no going back now.

From the moment Severus' lips had touched Harry's out in the grounds that night, everything had begun to fall apart. No matter how strongly he felt towards Harry, he couldn't allow anything more to come of this.

If he allowed Potter to stay then, eventually, the boy would hurt him. Reality would hit him hard and he would run off with some good looking younger man. Severus didn't think he could cope with the hurt and the rejection that would bring. That was why he never let anyone in. Letting someone in meant trusting them and Severus Snape trusted no one.

How could he have been so stupid?

But what if Harry really did have feelings for him? Severus had believed it up until now after all. But Severus still felt that horrible nagging…what if it really was all just a prank? The Gryffindor's were going to get a huge laugh out of this if it was. He'd be humiliated. He'd be the man who thought Harry Potter had actually wanted him.

Well, Severus Snape was not going to allow that to happen, he was not going to be humiliated, not if he could help it; not if he struck the first blow.

Harry awoke in a tangle of sheets to the sound of the shower. A content sigh escaped him at the memory of the night before and he stretched out luxuriously in the soft bed; Snape's bed.

He couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed though. He'd had sex for the first time and he remembered being pretty vocal. But it had felt so good, so intense. Having Severus in him, thrusting, whilst his hands stroked Harry's hard cock…God, he had never felt anything like it, something so intimate, so sexual…

He couldn't keep himself from grinning as he lost himself in memories from the previous night. How lucky was he? To have found someone who could make him feel so…alive. He never wanted this feeling to go away.

The sound of the shower was shut off and he waited quietly for Severus to enter the bedroom. He hoped the other man was feeling as happy as he was. True, Harry did feel a little nervous about seeing him…what if Severus had thought sex with Harry was nothing compared to what he'd had before with other people? But there was always room for improvement, right? Harry was sure that, with enough practice, he would be able to fulfil Severus' every sexual desire. They'd had sex, yeah, but there was so much more for them to do…like blowjobs for instance! What was it like to be given one of them? And how would you go about giving someone else one? And why was it called a blowjob…from what he'd heard from the guys in his dormitory, people tended to suck. Did you have to blow as well? And would that actually taste nice? Surely there was some sort of instruction guide he could get his hands on. As he was briefly entertaining the idea of going to Sirius and asking him how he should give Severus Snape a blowjob, the door to the bathroom opened and a fully dressed Snape swept in to the room. He didn't even look at Harry, something Harry was quick to pick up on. All thoughts of blowjobs were driven away.

"Are you OK?" asked Harry.

Well, thought Severus, someone had to break the silence. Making sure his voice was calm and level, he replied, still keeping his back turned and busying himself with his clothes from the previous night.

"I thought you'd be gone by now."

There was a few moments pause before Harry spoke again and when he did his voice was full of confusion.

"Why would I be gone?"

"We both got what we wanted. You're of no use now." Severus hated himself for saying those words but he kept his cool, reminding himself of the humiliation he would be put through if he didn't do this. He was not going to let Potter win.

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think it means?" he uttered in irritation. "I wanted a fuck, you wanted a fuck, so we slept together. That's all there is to it Potter."

When Harry gave no answer, Severus turned round to look at the boy sat in his bed, wrapped in his sheets. He was staring at Severus in bewilderment, his eyes shining, his mouth slightly open.

"Is that what you think?" he asked, unbelievingly, "Is that what you really think this is?"

"Well why else would you be here Potter, if not for sex?"

"Because I like you?" Harry suggested in that 'isn't-it-obvious' tone of voice. When Severus gave no reaction, he shook his head and disbelief and continued. "I don't believe this. Do you really think I would sleep with just anyone? Especially when it was my first time! I wouldn't just give my body over to some stranger! What do you take me for?"

"If you were so bloody concerned about your precious virginity then why the hell did you go and sleep with me?"

"I thought that was obvious," Harry said, voice raising.

"Well clearly, it isn't, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation," Severus snapped.

"I know I wanted last night to happen more than anything and I thought you did as well," said Harry, "So why are you acting like this?"

"Look," he said, trying to keep all emotion out of his voice, "I was caught up in the moment. I told you, I'd had a bad day. Don't expect anything from me Potter. I don't do relationships."

"So what the hell have these past weeks been about then?"

"You really thought I meant everything I've said? You really thought I wanted you? After everything your father did, after everything you've done?"

"Severus, please, would you just tell me what's going on here? I thought you were passed all that!"

"Potter, just get out."

"What?"

"Get out. I don't want you here; I don't want you in my bed, and I certainly don't want you in my life."

"But last night – "

"Last night was a mistake! I don't want you Potter! You thought you could humiliate me? Well the jokes on you. Now hurry up and scurry back to your little friends."

Even though he was very much positive that Harry's 'fascination' with him was all a joke and even though he knew Harry didn't really want him, Severus still felt horrible about doing all of this. Harry truly did sound like he was upset. But Severus just had to ignore that little detail. Harry was a cruel person out for revenge. Severus dealt with this every year (well, not this exactly – Harry was the first one to pretend to have a crush on the professor), but every year a graduating Gryffindor would pull some stunt – although, in all honesty, he had never thought they would take things this far.

He closed his eyes, grimacing at the emotional pain cursing through him, before he opened them again and turned back to face Harry. The young man looked broken.

"But we slept together," Harry was saying, trying to understand. "We had sex."

"Well spotted," he muttered. "Yes, we had sex. And although it was quite enjoyable, I've had better – much better." And gathering all his strength to him, he stood up straight, folded his arms, and smirked at Harry.

"Run along Harry. I have work to do."

Harry had been sat on the shower floor for almost an hour when there was a knock at the door. He ignored it, hoping it would go away. He really didn't feel up to explaining to Ron and Hermione (or anyone for that matter) why he was half sat, half curled up on the bathroom floor, letting the water from the shower wash over him.

How could Snape have done that to him? No, scratch that. How could Harry have been so stupid? He knew what Snape was like! How could Harry have let himself believe that Snape actually saw something in him? Severus Snape did not fall in love! Hell, Harry Potter did not fall in love – well, he wasn't supposed to. And he certainly wasn't supposed to fall for stupid potions teachers! The whole idea was preposterous! And yet…here he was, sitting naked in the shower, wallowing in self pity.

He had never felt so humiliated in all his life! He cringed when he remembered the words they had exchanged the night before…it was so unlike him! But then again, love has a habit of changing people…of bringing out the best in them…and the worst.

Last night, Snape had taken Harry for granted. Harry had been so caught up in all these feelings and emotions that were so brand new to him that he had failed to listen to reason. He had let himself be used by Snape. Snape didn't love him! He didn't even want him! He felt so embarrassed!

The knocking on the door persisted and again he ignored it. There were hundreds of other bathrooms in the castle – if whoever it was was that desperate then they could go and find another one to use.

He let his head fall back against the tiled wall and he slid back into his thoughts, dimly aware of his scar starting to throb. He cringed. Because of that damn connection Harry had with the Dark Lord, Voldemort probably knew what Harry was going through right now. I bet he's laughing about it with all his stupid Death Eaters…

The banging on the door interrupted his thoughts once more and Harry growled. Unable to stand it much longer, he pushed himself up and shut off the shower before spelling himself dry. There had to be somewhere in this damn castle where he could be left in peace!

The roof. You couldn't find a more peaceful place to be than on the roof. He stood there, gazing out over the battlements at the school grounds, taking in the sparkling lake twinkling in the sunlight, the clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight, and the blossoming trees, so full and colourful. It was the perfect Springtime morning.

Leaning against the stone wall, he looked down below. Whereas the rest of the school grounds was bathed in sunlight, the grass directly below him lay in shade from the castle. If he looked carefully he could even see a few birds hopping around.

It was such a long way down. Not that he was going to jump – even Harry wasn't that melodramatic. But he did sort of like the idea of pushing one Severus Snape off…

He'd been a fool, really, to trust Severus. He should have had more sense than to believe him. After all, who would ever like Harry? Everyone just wanted Harry Potter. They didn't seem to realise that he, too, had wants and needs. Yes, he was rich. And yes, he was famous. But Harry would gladly give all that up in a heartbeat if it meant someone would love him and hold him.

He'd thought Severus was the same. Like Harry, people only knew the person that had been presented to them. They only knew Severus Snape to be a bitter, evil man, just like they all thought Harry to be this perfect, innocent hero.

Clearly, he'd been wrong. Severus Snape really was bitter and evil.

But there was one thing in the back of Harry's mind that kept troubling him and that was what Severus had said right before he'd thrown him out.

"You thought you could humiliate me? Well the jokes on you."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? A part of Harry wanted to believe that the man was just as insecure as Harry was…maybe Severus had thought Harry to be playing a joke on him? But that didn't seem very likely. As much as he'd learnt about his Professor over the passed few months, he didn't seem the type to…well…

Harry sighed. He honestly hadn't a clue what to think anymore. Severus Snape was one confusing man, but if he could cause Harry this much hurt then he wasn't worth bothering with. Harry had tried to be nice, he'd tried to show the man that he could be trusted and that he had genuinely wanted him…again, Severus Snape was just too confusing.

Maybe it was Harry's fault? Maybe he'd come on too strong? Perhaps having sex so early in their relationship hadn't been the best idea…yeah, that was probably it; he'd scared him off. But then why had Snape gone and said all those awful things?

A sudden breeze whipped Harry's hair round his face and he reached up a hand to push it out of his eyes. Shaking his head and ignoring the gentle throb in his scar, he looked down again at the grounds. He watched on lazily as the clouds above cast shadows on the ground, moving across the sky and covering the area in shade.

Hang on. There were no clouds.

Looking up, he found himself staring at angry grey sky. As he watched, slightly confused, the newly-formed clouds tumbled across the skies, swallowing the sun. The wind picked up and Harry's robes began flapping madly about him.

Frowning at the sudden change in weather, he looked back out over the school grounds. The trees were swaying madly and the lake was tossing and turning, splashing violently against the banks and boulders. The forest began to creak and the wind howled as it whipped through and around the many battlements and towers of the ancient castle.

But just as Harry was about to turn round and head back inside to shelter, something caught his eye. He froze. Over by the main gates that separated the school from the village, were figures; black-cloaked, hooded figures. Hundreds of them. And they were heading this way.

Brain kicking into gear and legs springing into action, Harry ran back down into the school and along the corridors, pushing passed anyone who got in his way. Heart beating madly as he skidded round corners, he ran and he ran, not stopping until he reached the Headmasters office. Shouting the password at the gargoyle, he sprinted up the stairs two at a time and flew through the door. Dumbledore and Snape stared at him.

"Harry my boy, I know I let you get away with quite a lot of things, but you really must knock before –"

"Death Eaters!" he shouted, catching his breath. "There are hundreds of them, heading this way!"

For a split second, Dumbledore looked lost for words. He then stood up abruptly.

"Severus, alert the Order at once. Tell them to portkey themselves here and to meet in the Entrance Hall. Everard," he said, turning to one of the many portraits on the wall, "Raise the alarm at the Ministry. Tell them Hogwarts is under attack. I'll alert the Minister myself." And with that Dumbledore began to follow Severus out of the room; the portraits were in uproar, flitting into each others frames to discuss this sudden move and Fawkes had let out a high note before disappearing in a flash of light; but before the Headmaster could disappear, Harry spoke up.

"What about me?"

The portraits quietened down as Dumbledore turned to look at him and Harry could tell the old man was deeply troubled.

"I want to tell you to remain here," he said, worry etched into the lines of his face.

"But you know I wont," said Harry.

Dumbledore sighed deeply and reached out and gripped Harry's shoulder in what could have been considered an affectionate way, before disappearing through the door.

Harry stood there, breathing deeply, trying to clam himself down. Was this it? Was it all about to end? Would Voldemort show up? Should Harry be out there even if he didn't?

It wasn't until he heard Dumbledore's voice echoing through the building, ordering all students to return to their common rooms, that Harry realised that a good few minutes had passed since he'd been stood alone in the Headmasters office. Making up his mind, Harry sprinted back out into the corridors which were now full of frantic students.

He flew down the many halls and up the many staircases, pushing everyone to the side and taking as many shortcuts as he could possibly take. Upon reaching the common room he ordered all Gryffindor's out of his way and jumped through the entrance hole and was just about to dash up the stairs to his dormitory when his friends spotted him.

"What's going on?" Ron asked, running over to meet Harry. "Why's everyone being ordered to stay in their rooms?"

"Death Eaters," Harry told them, trying to keep his voice down so as not to raise even more of a panic. "There's loads of them. They must have found a way to get passed the wards."

"Oh God!" Hermione began to shake. "What about the Order, and the Ministry Auror's?"

"Snape and Dumbledore are alerting them as we speak. There's gonna be fight and…and this might be it. I just came back to collect some things." And before they could say another word, he'd disappeared up the stairs to pick up his broom and map, which he pocketed safely before returning to the common room.

As soon as he made a break for the exit, Ron and Hermione headed him off. Stopping in his tracks, he turned to them. He knew what was about to happen. He knew what they were going to say. But there was no way he was going to let them come with him, not Ron and Hermione, not his best friends.

But just as this thought was passing through his head, Hermione grabbed hold of his shoulder.

"I don't like that look on your face Harry," she said. "Whatever you're thinking, stop."

"I can't let you guys do this," he said; the whole common room had gone quiet just to listen to what was being discussed between the golden trio. "I won't let you come with me."

"Harry James Potter, you stop that right now!" Hermione ordered. "We're coming with you and that's final."

"Mate," said Ron, speaking up, "After everything we've done together you can't expect us to let you go at this alone?"

"But this is Voldemort we're talking about!" he shouted.

"And it was Voldemort back in our first year with the Philosopher's Stone!" Ron shot back. "It was Voldemort in the Chamber of Secrets! It was Voldemort at the Ministry! That monster has slaughtered so many innocent people and has ruined so many lives! We're a part of this war and we're not gonna sit back watch him destroy everything that's left, not if we can help it!"

Harry was momentarily stunned. That was the very first time Ron had ever used Voldemort's name. Like most, Ron had been brought up to fear that name, surrounded by people who shuddered at the mere mention of it; yet here he was, surrounded by the whole of Gryffindor, shouting out the Dark Lord's name, when the man in question could very well be in the school grounds.

"He has an army out there!" Harry shouted, pointing to the back of the portrait hole; the pain in his scar was growing hotter and he was becoming frantic; "We go out there and we may never come back!"

"Last year we promised you that we would always be here for you," said Hermione quietly. "We said that we would be with you no matter what."

"We'll follow you to the very end Harry," said Ron.

"You're my best friends. It's too dangerous."

"Exactly!" said Ron. "You're gonna need someone to watch your back whilst you do your stuff."

"Ron, no!" Harry said forcefully. "I can't let you do this! If something happened to either of you I'd never be able to forgive myself!"

"And if something happened to you then we would never be able to forgive ourselves!" Hermione said fiercely. "We're coming with you Harry and that's final!"

Harry opened his mouth to argue but the look in Hermione's eyes made him stop. As much as he wanted to stop them from walking out into battle, he knew there wasn't a thing in the world that he could say to change their minds.

Harry just stood there, unable to move. What had he done to deserve such amazing friends? And just how had all this come about? It was hard to believe that only a few hours ago he was waking up next to Snape and now the castle was being attacked! What the hell was going on? Surely they would have had some sort of warning! Snape was the spy for crying out loud – it was his job to inform Dumbledore of these things! Unless…Snape was one of them! He was a true Death Eater! Why else would he have been in Dumbledore's office just now, if not to distract him? And his sleeping with Harry…that had all just been one sick joke!

But the man had trained him for battle. That had to count for something right?

"Harry!" Hermione shouted. "Come on!" Harry looked up and saw that she was already moving towards the exit, where the last few students were clambering through.

Right. Voldemort.

"Where're we going?" Hermione asked.

"The roof," said Harry. "We can make our way down from there."

"Hang on then, let me get my broom," said Ron and he disappeared up the stone stairs, returning half a minute later.

The rest of the common room just watched as the trio exited the room, the portrait shutting ominously behind them.

Everything suddenly seemed surreal. Ever since Dumbledore had told him about the Prophecy that fateful night two years ago, the rest of his life had seemed to fall into place, and after learning about the Horcruxes, his path had been laid out in front of him. But to know that he had finally walked that path and had reached his destination was…well, it was something he had never experienced before. But to have his two best friends with him, to know that they were behind him in all of this, that they were willing to fight by his side…

When they reached the door to the roof it was only to find that the castle had sealed it shut and it soon became apparent that no amount of magic was going to break it open. Giving in, and growing increasingly anxious, they ran back down the spiral stairs and along the corridor, looking for another exit. However, another exit was impossible to find – half way along the corridor that led out of Gryffindor Tower, double doors had sprung up and were locked tight, preventing anyone from escaping. Again, no amount of magic was able to break through. Annoyed, Harry stormed into an empty classroom.

"There has to be a way out of here!"

"All doors leading to the roof and to other parts of the castle are locked," said Hermione. "Unless there's some secret passageway that isn't shown on the map…"

"There has to be something the castle overlooked," said Harry, pacing back and forth.

"Like?"

"I don't know," he said, "Like a loose wall or a window or…a window! That's it!"

"The castle isn't stupid, Harry! The window's will be protected against all sorts of magic that could possibly break them."

"Then what do you suppose we do then, huh? Sit here and wait for them to come and get us?"

"They won't be able to get us; the castle has sealed us in."

"Oh, so then we starve to death do we? Wait here until all the food and drink is gone? Hermione, we have to do something! It's worth a try isn't it? Besides, I'm betting the castle didn't think to protect the windows from one thing."

"And what would that be?" she asked. Harry walked over to one of the classroom windows and held the broomstick tight in his hand.

"The muggle way," he said, and he rammed the broom into the window with all his strength and, just as he had predicted, the glass shattered.

"Nice one!" said Ron, coming over to join him.

"I'll go first," said Harry and he carefully climbed up onto the stone window ledge, keeping his back flat against the wall. Gripping his broom tightly, he peered over the edge. It wasn't that he was scared of heights – far from it in fact. No, what worried him as he stood there was what was waiting on the ground below. The full force of what he was about to do had just hit him; when he stepped off this ledge that would be it – the fight would begin and the war would end. This was what it all led up to. When he stepped off that ledge, it would be the beginning of the end. And he didn't know if he would come out of it alive.

"Come on," said Harry quietly, putting on a brave face for his two best friends, "You can ride with me." He held out his hand to Hermione. Off in the distance he could hear something similar to canon fire – the fight must have started.

"Harry," Hermione said, holding tight to his hand but staying where she was, "Where were you last night?"

His eyes snapped back to her, but she didn't sound suspicious. Her chest was rising and falling with heavy breathing and her skin had gone slightly pale.

"I'll tell you after this is all over," he said, making eye contact with her and giving her hand a squeeze.

"Promise?" she asked.

"I promise." He held tight to her hand as she climbed up onto the ledge shakily. He knew what that promise meant to her; it meant he was going to do everything in his power to survive this war; it meant that they were all going to be there at the end. Harry wasn't one to break his promises. And once this was all over, once he had defeated the Dark Lord once and for all, he would tell them – he would make damn sure that he was still around to tell them.

A/N: Again, sorry for crapiness in that chapter. Like I said, I'd had enough with it and it was driving me insane. But hey, at least its a post! And now that I have that chapter out of the way, updates should become more frequent again (plus I want it all posted before Book 7 comes out and this is actually a Trilogy!)

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