Sadly, they're still not mine

Chapter 11

She fell asleep in the middle of their fourth story. Roland giggled softly and planted a small kiss on the side of her head, whispering "good night," before he let Henry help him down from the bed, both of them sharing a quiet fist bump when they managed to leave the room without waking her. Robin was in the waiting room, sitting uncomfortably in a chair and looking down at his hands. He looked exhausted and sad, and the rough talking-to Henry had planned on giving him became a plea instead as he spoke.

"You can't keep hurting her like this," he said once Roland was distracted with some coloring books on the opposite side of the room.

"I only told her—" he began, but Henry shook his head, cutting him off as his anger returned.

"I don't want to know what you told her, all I want is for you to stop making her cry," the boy replied harshly, and Robin nodded in understanding.

"If I could take back everything I've done that has caused her pain, I would do so in a heartbeat. Please believe that," Robin said, and Henry sighed, his anger dissipating as he took a seat next to him.

"I know you don't mean to hurt her, but she misses you and she's sad all the time and then you show up and say things to her that only make the whole thing worse. She deserves better than that, especially from you," Henry said, and Robin marveled at how mature the boy had become in such a short time, defending his mother from the sadness he was causing her.

"I'm so sorry," he told him, and his voice sounded hoarse and broken. They both looked at Roland then, noticing he had settled on a picture in one of the coloring books and was working on it with apt concentration.

"What are you coloring, son?" Robin asked to change the subject.

"It's me and Henry and Regina! See?" he said as he lifted the book awkwardly in his hands and showed them the picture. It was a mother lying in the middle of a bed with two boys cuddled next to her, one on each side, all three looking at a book in her hand.

"Indeed, it is," Robin acquiesced, standing up and walking over to his son, watching him add color to the simple silhouettes the book page had provided and smiling when Roland asked him to help him write their names over each figure.

"Alright, time to go, your mother's waiting," Robin finally said when the boy was done.

"But I want to give this to Regina!" his son protested.

"She'll sleep for a while, Roland, but I can give it to her when she wakes up," Henry offered, helping Roland rip the page from the book without damaging it and rolling it up in his hands to protect it.

x-x-x-x

Later that night, after he and Roland had introduced Marian to hot dogs and French fries, Robin received an unexpected visit.

"What happened?! Is she alright?!" he instantly asked when he opened his door and saw Hook and Emma standing on the other side.

"She's fine, mate, calm down," the pirate replied.

"Then what is it?" Robin asked.

"I figured someone should fill you in on what's happening," Emma said as they stood on the steps by the door, waiting for Robin to join them. Once he did, Killian told him all about Regina's encounter with Elsa and what they were planning to do to stop her from freezing Storybrooke.

"Why did I not know about this?!" Robin asked him exasperatedly.

"Regina didn't want to involve you," Emma replied.

"So why are you two telling me, then?"

"Because, while we understand that the queen has her reasons, we don't agree with her keeping you in the dark, not about this," Killian chimed in.

"She's so stubborn. She just has to push me away, doesn't she?!" Robin fumed.

"You think that's why she's doing it?" Emma asked him.

"I understand that she's hurt and doesn't want us to spend time together out of respect for Marian, but this is the sort of thing you tell a man!" he continued.

"Are you sure that's all there is to it, mate?" Killian echoed Emma's question.

"Well, what else could there be?" Robin asked, and Killian rolled his eyes, banging his hand against his forehead in frustration.

"You have got to be kidding me. Can you really not see that she's doing this to protect you?" Emma's words gave Robin pause in his tirade.

"What are you saying?" he asked, and Emma made an exasperated noise.

"You talk to him, I'll punch him if I stay here," she said to the pirate as she shook her head and stalked off, walking to her car and leaving them staring after her on the steps, Killian chuckling at her reaction before turning to the archer.

"Look at it from Regina's point of view. Aside from Rumplestilskin, she's the most powerful being here, and she almost died. Do you really think she'd want the man she loves to risk his life going against this ice sorceress?" he asked him, and Robin frowned.

"That doesn't mean she's allowed to exclude me from— wait… the man she what?"

"You really are thick, aren't you, mate?" Killian asked in amusement.

"No, that can't be right. I mean, it's obvious that we had feelings for each other, but we were only just starting to…" Robin trailed off, gasping as he remembered something.

"Tinkerbell told me it was possible… that I could love again."

No, it couldn't be.

"She led me to this tavern, to a man who she said I was destined to be with. I never saw his face, but… I did see his tattoo."

Reality came crashing down on him in that split second of clarity. Of course she loved him. She'd never actually said the words, but she'd shown him, time and again. Her touch, her smiles, the way she kissed him, the way she'd let him in and told him her darkest secrets, all of those things were proof that she felt something for him, he knew that, but he had never expected it to be love, not this soon.

"I've been an idiot, haven't I?" Robin asked Killian.

"That depends, do you love her?"

"I…" he began, trying to put his feelings in order, "when I found her in the woods… she looked dead. For a moment there, I truly thought she was gone. Save for the time the Dark One threatened Roland's life, I don't think I've ever been so scared."

"But you got to her in time," Killian said, and Robin nodded, his relief evident in the way he sighed before he spoke.

"When they told me she'd make it, it was like I could breathe again."

"But you said yourself you were only just starting to spend time together, and you have Marian now, so why does the queen being alive or dead affect you so much?" Killian prodded. Robin frowned for a moment, images of Regina's cold, limp body flitting through his mind, and the answer came to him easily then.

"Because… I don't think I could handle living in a world where she doesn't exist," he whispered. It was the simple, honest truth, and Robin could see that now.

"Well then, I guess you have your answer," Killian said with an air of amused superiority, as if it had been obvious all along.

"It's not that simple," Robin replied, thinking of Marian, of Roland, of this entire mess his life had turned into.

"No, it really isn't. But then, when has anything worth fighting for ever been simple?" he said as he looked over to the car at a disgruntled Emma with a fond smile on his face, no doubt thinking of all the trials he had to endure before she finally stopped running from him.

"I know we're not very well acquainted with each other yet, but we're very alike, you and I," Killian said after a few minutes of charged silence.

"I suppose we are, except at least my plundering and stealing had a good cause behind it," Robin joked, and Killian shook his head, signaling that he'd misunderstood.

"That's not what I meant, though I suppose you're right on that count," the pirate said, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly before he continued, "a while ago, I lost the love of my life too. Murdered by Rumplestilskin. She was his wife before she ran off with me."

"Sounds awfully complicated," was all Robin could reply.

"Aye, it was, but I loved her, and we both loved the sea. We were free and we were happy. After she died I coped by drinking, fighting, closed myself off to the possibility of happiness because I couldn't fathom spending my life with anyone else. I was bitter and reckless and cared for no one. And then Swan came along," Killian said, and Robin could almost hear the lovesick sigh the pirate suppressed as he spoke of Emma, looking at her again as she sat in the car checking her phone.

"Sounds like you found your second chance," Robin told him, and Hook nodded.

"Aye, and so did you."

"With Marian," Robin said, and he couldn't help feeling a little deflated as he thought about it.

"Not necessarily," Killian intervened, "see, I loved Milah dearly, and she made me happier than anything else ever had, but…"

"But?"

"If someone were to bring me my Milah back right this second, if I were to see her again, alive and safe and willing to embark on yet another adventure with me, I'd be ecstatic, I would do everything in my power to make her happy and comfortable in this new life, but we wouldn't be together, because I'd still choose Emma."

"You can't know that for sure," Robin said.

"Oh but I do. I will always choose Emma Swan."

"How do you know?"

"Because I couldn't live in a world where she doesn't exist," Killian replied, throwing his words from earlier back at him with a small smile, and it suddenly dawned on Robin that that's what had been missing from his renewed relationship with Marian. Yes, he was glad that she was back, alive and well, but there was no gut-wrenching fear of losing her again, no burning need to touch her or to have her close and kiss her whenever possible. Finally, everything snapped into place and Robin realized that his desire to protect Marian and his choice to stay with her had been rooted only in the fact that she was Roland's mother. Yes, he wanted her to be happy, because he cared for her, of course he did, but it would never work out, and Robin now understood why. It was because he didn't love her. Not anymore.

He loved Regina.

x-x-x-x-x

Regina watched as her son played nervously with his hands, bouncing his knee as he looked around the room from his chair.

"Do you remember the time you broke your bedroom window?" she asked him conversationally, and he stopped his fussing to look at her questioningly.

"Which time?" he asked with a grin, and Regina laughed at his comment.

"The first time. You had just turned seven and you wouldn't let go of that baseball Archie got you for your birthday," she tells him fondly, "no matter how many times I told you to play a safe distance away from the house and the car, you didn't listen."

"And then one day I tripped when I threw it and it went straight through the window. I was so scared of telling you!" he says, smiling at the memory, "And it was all for nothing because when I finally did tell you, you said you already knew."

"Do you want to know how I knew?" she asked him.

"Your amazing intuition?" he joked.

"Because all day long you had the guiltiest look on your face, and you kept fidgeting whenever I was near you… just like you're doing now," she said pointedly, giving him a knowing smile, "what's wrong, Henry?"

"Nothing," he answered, shaking his head and looking everywhere but at her.

"Honey, I'm your mother, please don't hide from me," she said, stretching her hand to rest over his on his knee, stopping its bouncing, and Henry took a deep breath and carefully pulled something out of his jacket pocket. Upon closer inspection, Regina realized it was a rolled up piece of paper, and she held one end of it while Henry unrolled the other, revealing the terribly colored picture that Roland had left for her, the words "Get well soon!" scribbled on top of the three figures that had been labeled with her name, Roland's and Henry's.

"He wanted you to have it," Henry said simply, and for a moment Regina stared at the picture with tears in her eyes before she rolled it up again and put it on the night table next to the bed.

"So… Roland's your knight, huh?" he asked in a tone so low she had to strain to hear him, and then she gasped as she finally understood what was bothering her son.

"Oh sweetheart—" she began, but he spoke over her.

"It's not that I'm jealous, I'm not, I just… okay, maybe I'm a little jealous," he said, giving her a sheepish grin to try to lighten the mood, to pass it off like it was no big deal, but Regina wouldn't have it, tightening her grasp on his hand and tugging him towards her. Henry got out of the chair and into the bed, cuddling at her side, her arm wrapped around him as she spoke against his hair.

"I won't deny that Roland is… quite special to me," she said, remembering how he used to follow her around the castle, caring for her even when she snapped at him or broke down in tears, when the last thing she needed was to have children around because it only reminded her of the one child she wanted to hold, but couldn't.

"You have to understand, Henry, I was in a very dark place when we went back to the Enchanted Forest," she continued, "I missed you terribly, and the thought of never seeing you again, that even if I did, you wouldn't know who I was… it hurt so much, I… I didn't have anything to live for," she could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she spoke, and Henry held her tighter.

"Roland was a bit of a light in all that darkness. He was so persistent! And those dimples are hard to resist," she said, smiling at the image of the boy's toothy smile and the two tiny indents on his cheeks.

"Yes, he considers himself my knight and I regard him as such on many levels. I love him very much," she finally said after a few silent minutes, bringing her hand up and grasping his chin, tilting his head up so she could fully look at him.

"But you, Henry, you are my everything," she said fiercely as she looked into his eyes, tears spilling freely out of hers now, "my life makes no sense without you in it. I've never known pain as intense as the pain I felt when I lost you, and I don't ever want to feel that way again," she told him, and he nodded, his eyes watery.

"Mom, you became a hero out of your love for me, that's proof enough. I know I'm being silly about this, and I like Roland! He's awesome, I just… I don't know, I've never had to share you before, it feels strange."

"You don't have to share me with anyone, I'm no one else's mother but yours. You'll always come first for me, Henry, never doubt that," she told him with a watery smile, and he nodded, tucking his head back in the crook of her neck and breathing deeply.

"Besides, I doubt I'll be seeing much of Roland anymore, so you don't have to worry about that."

"What? Why?"

"It seems his mother still thinks of me as…"

"Evil," they both said at the same time.

"She's wrong," Henry told her, and Regina smiled tearfully at him, but said nothing.

"She is, mom, you're not evil, not anymore."

"I killed her, Henry."

"No you didn't, she's here, isn't she?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, mom. What if someone rescued her at the last minute? What if she managed to escape in some other way? There's no way for us to know what happened in the original timeline anymore, and even if you had killed her, we all know you've made mistakes, but you've fought hard to fix them. You've proved to yourself and to everyone else that there's good in you, that you can love and be loved, don't let Marian's opinion make you think any different. You're not a villain, you're my mom," he finished, repeating the words he'd said to her before Pan's curse had forced them apart, and now they were both sitting up on the bed, crying as they hugged each other fiercely.

"My little prince," she said when they parted, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"Promise me you'll be safe tomorrow, that you won't do anything crazy," he said, and for the first time, she was able to see how truly scared he was of what could happen the next day.

"I'll be fine, and I'll come back to you, I promise."

A/N: Everything is Regal Believer and nothing hurts (for now anyway). Also, I am SO RELIEVED that I finally got to post this chapter because I've been dying to give Robin that moment of clarity, now we can move on to more Outlaw Queen scenes that don't involve so much heartbreak.

Also, reviews would be nice, you know, if you have the time =)

Have a great weekend!

-B