Bonnie Sveen Fan, Ethan isn't having a good day. Or a good week. I really want Cal to forgive him right now, but the story's already planned and I'm going to go along with that. Yes, Alicia used Lily's name so she couldn't be found - it was the first to come to mind. Thank you for your review.
20BlueRoses, thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like all the emotions and that I was managing to convey what I was hoping for. Ethan is torn apart and Alicia is panicking, but I agree that if she has booked an abortion, it's not something she should do without Ethan. Ethan really does need Cal - and Cal needs to realise it soon!
InfinityAndOne, it might make a difference if Ethan does tell Cal about the result of the test - comforting Ethan when he's lost Alicia might be too close to home for Cal, but having a baby with Huntington's is a bit different. Alicia definitely shouldn't be alone - she's too upset to think clearly and she needs Ethan! Thank you for your review.
CBloom2, thank you for your review. Cal does really need to sort it out! It's understandable that he's heartbroken, but he must be able to see what a state Ethan is in and they do love each other really - everyone knows that! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.
Tanith Panic, I was once offered the option of Mr or Mrs! I think the title should be a blank space rather than an either/or as there are so many possibilities. It would be terrible if Alicia had an abortion without telling Ethan - it's his decision too, though if they can't agree, I wonder who would have the final say. Thank you for your review.
Thank you to bethbebs for the follow.
Alicia checked she had her keycard and the address and left her room. She was calm now, finally, but she doubted she could get through the whole appointment without crying. She could feel a pain deep inside her, as though her baby was crying out to her; begging for Alicia's help.
Save me, Mummy! Save me! Save me!
Alicia only wished she knew what it was asking her to save it from.
She got the lift down to the ground floor and went to meet the taxi that was waiting outside. She smiled at the driver and gave the address in a low voice before turning to look out of the side window, discouraging conversation.
She used to enjoy having a chat to taxi drivers; maybe a bit of a flirt, though it never meant anything, of course. Not since Ethan. But she couldn't do it today.
She couldn't have a chat as though nothing was wrong. Not now her life had changed forever.
Ethan bent over his patient, taking her pulse and listening to her breathing. "Do you mind if I have a listen to your chest? Thank you."
It was slightly fast, but nothing out of the ordinary in the emergency department. Ethan listened for a moment, then he stood up and put the stethoscope around his neck.
"Are you on any medication?" he asked.
The patient shook her head.
"Do you have any allergies?"
"No, but I am four months pregnant… do you think it's something to do with that?"
Ethan glanced at David, who looked guilty, but also surprised. Clearly, the patient had neglected to mention this most- likely-relevant fact to the nurse. If she had, Ethan guessed David would have asked a different doctor to examine her. Ethan wasn't sure if he was grateful for this or if it gave him yet another reason to hate himself.
"Would you rather see a female doctor?" broke in David, quite loudly for him. Normally, he wouldn't have considered such an interjection, but in common with everyone else, he knew what Ethan was going through - not about the result of the prenatal test, of course: that was much too painful to be said aloud; but everyone knew Ethan's pregnant fiancée had left him.
"No, it's fine," said the patient with reassuring smile for David. "I'm sure he's seen it all before."
David sent Ethan another concerned glance. Ethan tried to smile reassuringly back at him, but his face felt frozen. How could he reassure David when all he wanted was to collapse on the floor of the cubicle and cry?
He turned back to the patient, trying to calm his whirling thoughts and work out what he was meant to say next. "I, um, has this pregnancy been confirmed?"
The patient nodded. "I had my dating scan last week. We've got the anomaly scan coming up soon. I'm quite nervous, to be honest. I don't know what I'd do if there was something wrong."
Ethan knew the thoughts were only natural and experienced by many in her situation, but he felt himself tense up at the thought she didn't want an abnormal baby and found himself wondering what Emilie would have done if she'd had a prenatal scan; wondering what Matilda would have done if she'd known one of the boys she was planning on adopting had the Huntington's gene. "It would still be your baby!" he burst out, his eyes flooding with tears. "It will be your own baby, which you created, and which will love you and need you more than anything else in the world and the fact it might be 'abnormal' doesn't make it any less worthy of love!"
The patient stared at him, shocked. "I didn't mean that! Of course I love my baby. How can you even say that?"
David put his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "Come on, Ethan. Come with me," he said quietly. He turned to the patient. "I'm very sorry. I can't explain Dr Hardy's reaction, but he has a reason. I'll find you another doctor."
Alicia climbed out of the taxi after paying the fare and adding a generous tip. He deserved that just for respecting her wish not to talk. She remained standing on the pavement for some time after the taxi had driven off, staring at the brick building in front of her and wondering if she was really going to go in there.
She knew she had to. She needed to talk to someone; she needed to talk about what she was going to do next and it had to be with someone neutral. Not someone who knew her or Ethan. She didn't want to put anyone she cared about in that position. She didn't want to force them to support her and not Ethan.
Taking a deep breath, Alicia walked slowly towards the door. She pushed it open and went inside, looking around at the small reception area. There were other people in the waiting room, most of them staring down at the floor. Alicia felt a knot form inside her chest and she nearly turned around and ran out again, but she managed to control her fear. She closed the door behind her and half-glanced at the reception desk before walking slowly towards it.
"Hello, can I help you?" The receptionist's smile was professional but kind.
"I-I'm Lily Chao," stammered Alicia.
The travelodge receptionist had looked surprised to meet a blonde with a Chinese name, but this receptionist showed no surprise at all. Perhaps she didn't realise the name was Chinese. Or perhaps she was used to false names and had heard far less convincing choices.
Alicia swallowed and tried to speak like the confident doctor she tried so hard to believe she was. "I… I have an appointment to see a counsellor."
Ethan almost threw himself onto the sofa and bent over, sobbing hard into his hands. David hovered for a moment before murmuring that he needed to get back to the patient and he'd 'find someone'. Ethan opened his mouth to ask David to find Cal, but he couldn't say the words and it would have done no good if he had. Cal wouldn't come. He hated Ethan and nothing would ever change that.
Ethan wasn't sure how much later it was that the shocked gasp came to his ears. This was followed by fast footsteps: someone wearing heels. The person sat down beside him, placing an awkward hand on his arm. "Ethan, what has happened?"
Ethan looked up, just about recognising Lily through his short-sighted eyes that were blurred still further by tears. He opened his mouth to tell her but heard himself sobbing instead. He dropped his head back into his hands and let the tears overwhelm him again.
Lily stroked his arm. She didn't say anything else – she probably didn't know what to say – but Ethan was grateful for both her presence and her silence. She couldn't possibly know if Alicia was coming back or if everything would be all right, but it did comfort him just slightly to know she cared about him.
He heard Cal's voice and his heart jumped, thinking David might have persuaded him to go to Ethan, but then the voice stopped abruptly and he heard footsteps walking hurriedly away, Cal clearly preferring to defer his break rather than see his brother. Ethan felt Lily's hand tighten on his arm before returning to the rhythmic stroking and was glad she understood. It meant he didn't have to explain.
He didn't know how long he continued to cry, but even Ethan's tears couldn't flow forever. He lifted his wet face from his hands and turned to Lily, not sure what he could say or even if there were any words, but Lily didn't seem to require any. She handed him a tissue from the box he guessed David must have found for him and went to make some coffee. She returned with two mugs, putting one down in front of Ethan and her own beside it.
"Thank you," whispered Ethan as she sat beside him.
"I am very sorry about Alicia," said Lily.
Ethan nodded. He knew she meant it. Lily and Alicia still didn't get on all that well and perhaps never would – Ethan was honest enough to admit that this time, it had been Lily who'd been friendly or at least professional no matter what and Alicia who'd confused and hurt Lily - but Lily cared about Ethan and he knew she wanted him to be happy.
"If you wanted," said Lily hesitantly, "I could phone her. I don't suppose she would want to speak to me, but I am willing to try."
Ethan reached out and squeezed her hand. "No. But thank you. So much." It was all he could manage.
"Okay." Lily nodded. "I don't suppose there's anything I can do, Ethan, but I believe the correct thing is to ask if there is."
"Cal…" Ethan released the name in a sigh.
"I can go and speak to him if that's what you wish, Ethan."
Ethan shook his head. He did wish it. The only thing he wanted more than Cal's comfort – the only scientifically-possible thing – was Alicia's safe return.
But he knew he wouldn't be getting either anytime soon.
Alicia finished speaking and looked at the counsellor, waiting for her reaction. She didn't know what she was expecting to see on her face. Disgust? Pity? Indifference?
She got sympathy. "Lily, thank you for sharing this with me."
Alicia blinked slightly before remembering she was Lily now.
"You've been very brave to reach out for help and I'm going to do my best to provide it."
Alicia nodded and waited.
"You've obviously got a big decision ahead of you now – and it is your decision," said the counsellor. "What I'd like to do now is to talk you through your options and what they mean."
"I'm sorry: I don't mean to be rude, but I know what my options mean," said Alicia. "I'm a doctor. I understand everything. If you have to talk through the options with me, I understand – I often have to talk through the options too, even when I know it's pointless. But I've thought about this. I've thought about nothing else ever since I found out the truth. I know what everything means and I know what I ought to do; that's very clear to me." The tears she'd been trying so hard to hold back spilled onto her cheeks. "But I don't know if I can do it."