I am sorry that it has taken so long for this update, but I have had exams and getting home to attend to and it has really taken it's toll. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be but I would guess it could be a while. I hope to continue the story but more exams are coming up and it seems I have been stuck with writer's block in addition as uni crap. Thanks for your support

It had taken all of Carson's strength to walk away when Lady Grantham had approached them. His hand had been wrapped around the soft blue velvet of the box he had been carrying around since before their New Year's kiss. He had wanted to ask her then and there, as the clock struck twelve, but he had decided to wait and make a grand gesture. He had never felt so nervous.

It had all been planned. He was going to ask her now, when he was sure that she felt as he did, and they would steal away from the music for a moonlit walk around the grounds; he had even hidden a bottle of her favourite wine on the bench by the lake. The next morning he was going to ask Lord Grantham's permission, and with his blessing they would tell the rest of the staff together.

Charles had always been careful with his money. He had wandered into the village early the previous morning, admiring the cottages that belonged to the estate and daring to hope that one day he would retire there with his beloved. He had enough to take care of their house, the wedding and even a honeymoon trip to Paris – he had thought of everything.

But the moment that her ladyship had interrupted them it was as if all of his ideas had faded away. Charles knew that it was ridiculous to presume anything; there were a hundred things Lady Grantham could want to speak to her own housekeeper about. But something seemed wrong. He had noticed it the moment her ladyship had spoken, just from the tone of her voice, and he had to fight every instinct to leave Elsie with her and resign himself to the side-lines.

Having retreated a safe distance away, Carson sighed and waited. He watched the two women speaking, but it was difficult to gauge what was happening as his eyes could not focus on their expressions from such a distance.

Daring to take the box from the confines of his pocket, he tried to take his mind off what he could not predict. He allowed himself a smile as he replayed those beautiful words in the light Scottish lilt he loved so well.

'I love you. I can't believe I'm saying it but I love you, Charles Carson. And I strongly suspect that I always have.'

Those words had filled him with emotion so powerful it was difficult to describe. Once upon a time he would have never even assumed he was capable of such feeling, but now…now he never wanted it to go away. In the space of a week she had changed him, so much that he hardly recognised himself in the mirror; perhaps it was the smile so clear in his eyes even when his face was straight. He was happy, and it had taken him until to realise that he hadn't been for a very long time.

'You're looking pleased with yourself.'

Carson whipped his hands behind his back and turned to see Lady Mary moving towards him. She smiled at him.

'I…don't know what you mean, my Lady,' he stuttered.

'I think you do Carson, I've never seen you so smug. Will you put away whatever you're hiding and dance with me?'

'Nothing would give me greater pleasure, my Lady but…'

'But what?'

'But I…I have something…' he cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks burning. Mary smiled, suppressing a chuckle. She had never seen him so on edge, and she enjoyed teasing him.

'I will get to the bottom of this Carson, mark my words.'

Before he could respond, Charles' eyes flicked towards Mrs Hughes which the eldest Crawley sister picked up on immediately. She was about to goad him, having already watched the butler and housekeeper dancing together, but watching her mother talking to Mrs Hughes she realised something was amiss.

'Why is mama talking to Mrs Hughes?' she asked.

'I don't…' started Carson, but his words became lost as he looked across at Elsie and saw her reach a hand to her chest. He felt his blood run cold; even from this distance he could see that something was dreadfully wrong. He wanted to run to her, but he was rooted to the ground unable to react.

When he saw her fall, his own heart stopped – everything was happening as if in slow motion.

His legs reacted before his mind, and he left Lady Mary without a second thought, walking first and then running towards her. Carson watched Elsie's legs buckling beneath her and her body veering towards the ground, and he almost felt as if he were falling with her. He remembered the feel of her weight in his arms when he had caught her before, but now he knew there was no way he would make it in time.

Thankfully Lady Grantham reacted quickly, reaching out to catch Elsie by the arms and prevent her from crashing to the ground. Carson arrived only moments later, wrapping an arm around her back to take the burden of her weight and lifting her gently into his arms.

Her entire body was limp, and her head slumped against his chest. Those next few second felt like a lifetime. He couldn't tell if she was breathing, and her skin had turned such a deathly shade of grey he could feel his heart racing with fear. The thought of losing her only crossed Charles' mind for a fleeting moment, but that was enough for his mouth to dry and his eyes to well with tears.

He felt physical pain, an aching in the pit of his stomach at the mere prospect of never having a chance to say all that he had bottled inside of him. In that short time, a world without her crossed his mind; a place where the sun didn't shine and the birds hadn't the motivation to sing because they had been broken by grief. It was an image he could never allow to become reality.

When he felt her begin to stir against him, he closed his eyes for a moment and sent a silent prayer. He was still terrified, worried to the point of nausea, but for now knew that the birds would sing in the morning and that was relief he could not put into words.

'The chair,' Lady Grantham said, beckoning to one a metre or so away. As Carson walked over to it, Elsie began to open her eyes and was hit with an overwhelming sense of panic. Her chest felt too tight, her heart was pounding and she couldn't catch her breath. Charles smiled at her as he lowered her delicately into the chair, but it brought her no comfort.

She fought for every breath, gasping to try and relieve her lungs of their oxygen deprivation but only worsening her plight. It took a while for her mind to catch up with her, and she was hit once more with the knowledge of her sister's passing. It hurt no less the second time, and the rest of the world became distant as she lowered her head and allowed a tear to trace the lines of her face.

'Mrs Hughes?' Lady Grantham tried for the third time, without any further luck. She shook her head.

'I'll have to get the doctor, he should be in here somewhere,' she announced in a whispered tone. 'Can you stay with her, Carson?'

In any other circumstances he might have laughed; as if he needed an excuse to stay with the woman he loved. But this was no time for jokes, and he merely gave a curt nod as her ladyship walked away.

Carson knelt down beside the chair, so he was more to her height, and tried to talk to her.

'Elsie? Elsie, love?'

His words must have cut through the fog, as somehow Elsie found the energy to raise her head to meet his eye. Never in his life had Charles seen someone who looked so unrelentingly distraught, so lost. He felt a lump in his throat as he reached to carefully cup her cheek with his hand.

'What happened?' he whispered.

Elsie bit hard on her bottom lip, another wretched tear escaping from its bounds.

'I…I..' she stuttered, her voice not even a whisper, but the words wouldn't come. She tried to lift her arm, but her own body seemed to be no longer under her control.

Another sharp pain radiated across her chest and she closed her eyes, wincing and biting her lip harder to try and weather the storm. But as it passed, she felt herself drifting once more and no matter how hard she tried her eyes refused to open. Giving into it, wondering if it was even worth the fight, Elsie leaned her head back against the chair.

'Elsie? Elsie please,' Carson begged, taking one of her hands between his own. She was still conscious, but barely, and he could feel her trembling beneath his touch.

Lady Grantham returned moments later with Doctor Clarkson in tow, and Carson was forced to stand back as he quickly examined her. The doctor noted the shallow, rapid rise and fall of Elsie's chest with some alarm but as he took her wrist and measured her pulse his eyes widened.

'We need to get her to her room,' he stated bluntly.

Carson bent and swiftly drew Elsie back up into his arms, holding her close to him as Lady Grantham led the way to the stairs. Others looked on as they finally began to realise that something was amiss, the music fading to silence as Carson carried Mrs Hughes away from the ball that was supposed to be their engagement party.

Xxx

Elsie began to open her eyes again as Charles laid her down on the bed, propping her up on the pillows at Doctor Clarkson's instruction to prevent her lying entirely horizontally.

'Wh-what…what's h-happ…' she tried, struggling between laboured breaths to get the words to materialise.

'That's what I would like to know,' Doctor Clarkson said gently sitting on the side of the bed. He took Elsie's wrist again to keep an eye on her pulse.

'We'll get to the bottom of this, but firstly I need for you to try to calm down for me.'

'I…I c-can't…I…'

'Mrs Hughes, I need for you to try,' he pushed gently. 'If you can't slow your breathing down then you are going to faint again, and we can't be having that. Deep breaths, Elsie, you can do this.'

She closed her eyes, curling her hands into fists and concentrating what little energy she had on fighting against the monster with its hand around her neck. Eventually Elsie managed to resist and her breathing slowed, but it had exhausted her.

Clarkson turned to Carson and Lady Grantham who had been watching with baited breath.

'I'll let her rest a moment, but I will need to examine her. Which of you was there when it happened?'

'I was,' Cora answered.

'I'll have to ask you a few questions. Carson, could you fetch a pitcher of water and some blankets?'

'Of course Doctor Clarkson,' he said with the monotone regality that came with his position, covering the fact that the last thing he wanted to do was leave. Charles hesitated, stealing one last look to make sure Elsie was okay and trying to convince himself that she was in the best hands; somehow it didn't make him feel any better.

As soon as the door was closed behind him, he felt an ache at the loss of her presence. Almost robotically he went downstairs, collecting blankets from the linen cupboard and carrying the over his arm and filling a pitcher in the kitchen. He was hardly even aware of what he was doing, his mind overrun with thoughts and fears of the woman he hoped to one day call his wife.

She had looked so small, so helpless, and Charles had felt like a failure as all he could do was watch. When he had carried her to her room, she once opened her eyes and looked up at him; but they were not the eyes he knew. They were haunted, wide with fear and shimmering with a deep rooted sadness that seemed too overwhelming to ever be cured. He wanted to ask her what ailed her, hold her hand and stroke her hair and tell her everything was going to be alright; but he couldn't. And now he was parted from her, leaving her in another's hands, and it felt as if he were abandoning her.

Carson opened the door to his pantry to fetch a tray for the pitcher and glass he was taking up to her, and was surprised when he saw a figure waiting for him in the dimly lit room.

'Carson,' Lady Mary smiled gently, 'I'm sorry to come in unannounced-'

'Not at all, my lady,' he said at once, closing the door and laying the things on the desk to free his hands. 'Is there something I can do for you?'

'No, no I just…I wanted to return something to you.'

Lady Mary pulled the ring box from her pocket and held it up to him. Carson saw it and felt his entire body go numb. In the heat of the moment he must have dropped it, and with everything going on he hadn't given it a thought.

'I…my lady…'

'You sly dog,' Mary beamed, encouraging a flicker of a smile to cross the butler's face. 'When were you going to tell me, or any of us?'

'I…I was going to ask her tonight, and ask his lordship's permission in the morning.'

'How long has this been going on?'

'Just over a week,' he admitted

'Carson!'

'It happened rather quickly, but at the same time it's taken twenty years for me to work up the courage. She…she said she was leaving, and I suppose I realised I couldn't bear to be without her,' explained Carson.

'I never thought I'd hear you say anything so…'

'What?'

Lady Mary chuckled. 'Oh nothing. I'm happy for you, really I am. I hope she knows how lucky she is.'

Carson lowered his gaze, hoping not to betray the sparkle of tears in his eyes. Mary's smile faded.

'How is she?' she asked quietly.

'The doctor is with her,' Carson told her. 'I…I don't know what happened. We were talking and she was fine, and then Lady Grantham came over to speak with her; the next thing I know she fell. I carried her up to her room but…but she couldn't breathe…'

For the first time in his life, Charles' voice broke with emotion. He shook his head, a solitary tear finding its way down his cheek as he relived the fear of watching Elsie struggle before his eyes. Never before had he been struck with such fear, such a vast sense of helplessness. He loved her more than he had the words to say and he would have given anything for her to walk through that door and tell him off for losing his composure.

'Oh Carson,' Lady Mary sighed, gently wrapping her arms around him as he had done for her so many times.

'She's going to be alright,' she reassured him, 'she's strong. You'll be walking her down the aisle before the first spring flowers, I guarantee it.'

'I hope you are right, my lady,' he managed, before closing his eyes and issuing a silent prayer.

Xxx