Disclaimer: I don't own Half-Life.

One Long Shift

Chapter Ten: Easing Forward

With a grunt, Barney scooped up another two handfuls of dirt and tossed them into the pit. Usually they would have said a few words (or stood in respectful silence) over the open grave, but Kyle's body…

Well, nobody particularly wanted to look down on what had become of him. Better that everybody had the mental image of his confused smile or his weird run or… whatever people wanted to remember about him.

For a reason that Barney couldn't quite reach, they had buried Kyle's body last. Maybe there was just an extra pinch of guilt because he had ordered Kyle into the forest after Wicker and Ray. If he hadn't, it would probably be Ray he was burying now. And frankly, he didn't think there were many people around the camp who wouldn't be happy with that trade-off.

But, here they were, burying the last of five people who had died in that last attack. The final of said attacks, if Ray was to be believed. They had searched him to be sure and found nothing. Barney had even had the Vorts give him the once-over with whatever voodoo they could, and they didn't come up with anything that would lead the Combine to them again.

Eighteen people left, including the Vorts. Without them, that was… fourteen. From thirty-one.

He sighed. There were lots of things he considered the hardest part of his job, and he regularly changed his mind depending on which one he happened to be doing at the time. But this… this was definitely in the top five.

With one final throw, he was finished. Blowing out a breath in a combination of relief and sadness, Barney pushed down on his knees and stood upright. He patted his hands together, sending small clumps of dirt flying off in all directions.

Ray, kneeling at the other end of the grave, made no such move to get up. He had practically charged his way through headfirst to help Barney bury Kyle. And, despite everything he was responsible for, Barney couldn't bring himself to refuse.

He cleared his throat authoritatively, though it did nothing to prevent the hoarseness in his voice. "I, uh… I don't know if anybody wants to say anything… I sure as hell don't know what to say. So, uh… how about we just think about these five people and… how much we liked 'em."

With a smile he hoped was reassuring, Barney cast his gaze around the gathering. Stephanie was sat cross-legged on the floor, cheeks red and puffed up from crying. He wasn't sure, but Barney guessed that there had been something going on there. Maybe not anything huge, but the beginning of something, maybe.

And now that was all that was left. The potential of something, cut off before it had a chance to grow. That was what the Combine did. This is what war did. Barney hoped that Ray would end up seeing that. But, judging by the look on his face as he stared down at the grave, Barney guessed that whatever reasons he had to justify his actions to himself weren't working anymore.

He searched the crowd for Wicker, but couldn't find her. Probably tending to those who were still alive. And even if she wasn't, Barney couldn't blame her for not attending. For not wanting to be within square mile of Ray.

After what he guessed was a minute, Barney took a breath. "Okay, people. Let's uh, pack up and move it on out. Still got a lot of ground to cover."

The crowd slowly spread apart. Barney looked over at Bob, who had been stood beside him for the entire service.

"Keep an eye on Ray. No, uh… pun there, or anything."

Not understanding that last part, Bob nodded sagely. "Do you believe he shall flee, Calhoun?"

"No. But, uh… I still want him to know we're watchin' him."

"Indeed," he growled sadly.

With a smile he knew looked false, Barney patted the Vort on the shoulder before heading through the almost completely dispersed crowd. He stopped when he came across Boris, who was stood leaning against a tree, arms folded.

Barney nodded at him. He nodded back. All that needed to be said.

Moving to the medical 'bay', Barney searched the place for Wicker from a distance, but couldn't see her. One of the medics, a short guy with flaming red hair, guessed his quarry, and nodded over Barney's shoulder.

Politely smiling, he waved his thanks before trudging over to Wicker. The reason he hadn't seen her at the service was because she had parked herself on the floor, leaning back against a tree with her knees tucked tightly under her chin.

After taking a moment to brace himself, Barney sauntered over and sat down next to her, removing his gloves as he got comfy.

"Hi."

She only moved her eyes to look at him, keeping her head facing forward. "Hi." She pointed a lazy finger towards the graves. "Eloquent, as always."

"Thanks, I uh… I try."

They shared a small smile, glancing over at each other before casting their gazes elsewhere, watching everybody as they went about their business.

Barney fidgeted, pulling apart a leaf as he spoke. "I'm… not sure what to say."

She shrugged. "Nothin' to say."

"I don't think that's true."

Wicker - June - was quiet for a moment.

"No," she sighed, putting her forehead against her arms and completely concealing her face.

"Holy shit!"

The sudden cry made them both look up. It was the red-headed medic from earlier, pointing to the sky. In the distance, a rocket shot up, moving almost faster than the eye could follow. A dark cloud billowed out behind it, gently growing and sifting as it ever so slowly fell down to Earth.

"Good job, Gordon…" Barney said, and felt relieved that there was a glimmer of happiness in his chest. After the last day or so he worried that he had burned all of his emotions out.

"Yep," June whispered, her eyes trailing down from the rocket and settling once more on the graves.

"Barney…" she managed, like it was an effort to get the words out.

"Yeah?"

"I… the stuff we found out today, I…" She had to stop, though it didn't look like an emotional thing. It just looked like her brain was working at half the speed. Barney could relate.

He didn't say anything. He wanted to give her the time to say what she wanted to say.

"…it… doesn't change things. I mean, it does, but…" June sighed. "I was… gettin' tired anyway."

He frowned. "Tired?"

She nodded. "Tired of… bein' angry. With you, with me… I mean, I blamed you for what happened, no question-"

A horribly stabbing sensation went through Barney's chest.

"-but I blamed myself as well, because… I was… am…her mom. It was my job to be with her. I should have stayed in the room."

"No, it should've been me."

June smiled, and it was the first genuine smile Barney had seen from her in years. "And that's why I-" She shook her head. "When you were telling me to leave Carol, you said-"

She stopped herself, and Barney could practically see her reliving that day.

"…you said that you loved her like she was your own. And I believed that. I watched you take care of her way more than you needed to. But I hated you so much, I just… I don't think I could admit to myself that I remembered that. You know?"

Blinking away the moistness in his eyes, Barney smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

Her arm twitched, as though testing that it still worked. She brought her hand up and removed the fingerless gloves that had become the Resistance's trademark in hand gear.

Then, hesitantly, her hand moved down to his. With a delicacy that betrayed her surgeon origins, she slid her fingers under his palm and laced them through his. He looked down at their hands, and then up to her. She was gazing straight at him.

"I can't… forgive you. Because it's just…"

Barney smiled. "She was your Carol."

Her smile widened into a grin as tears trickled down her cheeks. Laughing to herself, she ducked her head and wiped away the tears.

"Damn you, Calhoun, for makin' me cry."

"Lady-killer is my middle name."

That made her laugh again.

He released his grip on her hand. Raising his arm up, he shuffled over closer to her side, resting his arm around her shoulders.

For maybe the first time since Barney had met her, June Wicker relaxed, resting her head on his shoulder.

She sighed. "I just can't be angry with you anymore."

Holding her close, Barney rested his cheek on the top of her head, staring out over the fifteen people that he still had to lead home.

"I can live with that."