A/n:
This fandom is absolutely lovely. Special thanks to my reviewers: forbiddenLOVE42, maria gpe pavon, KGBKBG, Sharusui, lucel18 (ah I see a new penname! And the visions were a fun problem to solve for. I hope JJ connects it in EPIX), love of escapism, Minight51, Beckswim21, and Burungmalam.
Sorry this one is on the shorter side but I liked where this ended. Hope you do too :)
"No."
She didn't expect that but the answer is clear and so blunt that there was no possible way that she had misheard him. Hadn't Kylo Ren desperately try to bring her to the Dark? Isn't this the man that asked if she would rule the galaxy beside him?
Her ears are red and burning at the memory. This Kylo Ren looks just as stubborn and determined. He is dangerous across from her, but Rey only wants to be closer. She swallows before speaking. "I don't think you know what I mean."
"You're playing with fire." He walks around the mosaic, eyes flickering aggressively between the floor and her. "How do you think the Dark will help you?"
"Because it's the same, isn't it?" She wants to yell at him out of pure frustration. His face is still stolid, unyielding but she needs him to believe her. "Ben, you were right. There are no more Jedi or Sith. There's just the Force. I want to understand all of it."
His fists clench across from her and his head has fallen. "No, Rey."
"But…"
"No."
Her anger spikes, and she walks across the symbol and grabs his forearm. "Why not?"
"You don't know what you're asking for." He doesn't move.
"No, I absolutely do. You must feel it. Ben…" She inhales deeply before touching his face. The tips of her fingers flex over the light bristle. He hasn't shaved, and she curves her touch down, brushing until her ring finger traces the edge of his mouth. His breath hits her, hot, anxious. He leans against her full on, and his dark eyes are locked on her touch.
His Adam's apple bobs. "Aren't you afraid?"
She looks up, surprised by the question, and shakes her head wildly. She's not afraid. Not of the Dark. Not of him. Her hands fall to his collarbone and she can feel the pump, thump of his heart bang from under her. "No."
"You told me you heard voices, Rey. They are powerful." He brushes a flyaway hair away from her face and slowly pulls away. "Enticing."
"This is different. It's not…" Her hand stays steady on his heart. For some reason she is soothed by the tempo, the accelerated rhythm. "I don't think that was someone else. It's not outside temptation." Her lips stick at the word. "It's mine."
His voice lowers. "Yours?"
"I don't want to fight that part of me. I don't think we're supposed to. I know I have darkness in me just like I know you have light."
He turns from her but she touches his face again, pulls him back so that she can look him in the eye. He's terrified. Absolutely terrified. Kylo is breathless, frozen, and he takes his hand and covers her own. "How do you want to start?"
.
.
They set terms. One hour a day. That's all Kylo feels comfortable sharing, and even after that, Rey needs to mediate for at least two hours afterwards. He never thought the Dark was something that needed to be taught. It is all emotion and power. It is raw and visceral and just…easy that he doesn't know why she wants this or needs this at all. And he doesn't want it to change her.
"We'll start tomorrow. You should…explore the island." She's cross-legged on the temple floor, a book curled in her lap. He wants to sit down next to her, ask what she's reading, but she seems too focused and he decides to leave the temple on his own.
There are these little birds everywhere cooing, and Kylo scowls before finding his way back to the Lanai Village. His face is red from the heat of the suns, and the grey shirt is starting to stick to his sweating skin. He hides from the sun, retreating back to the stone house Rey had originally brought him to. There's another tunic there and pants, and Kylo turns back to the Caretakers but sees they are still busy cleaning the village.
This place is nothing like he had ever been before, but it is entirely too familiar to him. He remembers when he had taken Rey on Takodana. The bond must have been there even then. He knew it though he couldn't put a name to it. He remembers seeing her in the woods and just…wanting her. He had wanted her more than some stupid droid or map or Skywalker. And he saw the same things in her mind that had haunted him for ages. Fear. Loneliness. The Ocean. The Islands.
It's this place.
He's seen it in his mind before and being here…
He hates what Rey is asking of him but she is determined and so incredibly connected with the Force that a part of him believes that this will help whatever she wants to accomplish. Though he has no idea what that is.
Kylo's restless. He leaves the house and the village and decides to walk down the cliffs. He wants to be closer to the water, and soon he is at the edge, boots off, and walking into the water's depths. The ebb and flow of the tide syncs with his breathing. The grit of the sand shifts and intertwines between his toes and he is brought to a desert. Of using the Force to make the young girl sleep. Carrying her out of the ship and handing that scum Plutt a bag of credits to make sure she's taken care of, that she's free. He thinks of Darth Vader's—Anakin's—lightsaber snapping between them, a perfect split in two.
We're connected.
The Force had brought them together somehow, for some reason, and he lets himself fall into wondering why, if there was any weight to what Rey was trying to tell him. She is his counterpart. It's obvious to him. Though he hated to think of it, Snoke had said a Light would rise to meet him as his power grew. The universe would counter him, try to even the shift to the Dark.
Then why does she want to learn…
He slowly moves down, hand digging into the sand, as he sits at the waterline. The waves pour over his legs fully, but Kylo does not move. It is a calming sensation, a memorizing surge of energy enveloping him. He feels so connected to this place and everything about it. All of it. There's a weight shifting from his chest and he feels his body open, shoulders releasing the bundle of nerves and anger and hurt he has held captive for so long.
He thinks of Chandrila, of Hanna City, and their apartment in the sky. Of the times his dad would be between jobs and his mom was home from the senate. He remembers his parents holding hands, smiling at each other, and that love would positively radiate. They gave it to him easily, so willingly just poured and poured and poured this love to him, and he's not sure how he had forgotten that feeling. That feeling of completeness, of belonging.
He can push away the voices that were there, Snoke baiting him, telling him they thought nothing of him, that they were afraid of his potential, his destiny and continuing legacy. It had confused him before he knew about Vader, but he does remember the hushed whispers and quiet fights.
His mother wanted him to go. He needed help. She can feel something surrounding her son and she wants to make sure it's gone, exterminated before it gets worse.
And his father would say no. He's their son. He's not a Jedi. Let Ben decide what to do. This is Ben's life. His choice.
And Ben remembers not wanting to go. He's met Uncle Luke before, but he would be leaving his parents and when they are together, the voices stop. There is no darkness but just love and peace. He needs that. He does not know how desperately he had needed that.
He digs his fingers into the sand around him. He remembers crying to his mother. Begging with his father. He'll be good. He hasn't done anythingand he doesn't understand why they are pushing him away.
And they say they are not but they are. They drag him, drop him off, and he does not see them again for years. The love they had given him is fading away, replaced by darkness and bitter memory. As a Jedi he is told attachment is dangerous. It is something that can corrupt you, and Ben does not want that to happen so, so badly. So he detaches. He tries to forget that love and after a while, he does.
He is so lonely. And then everything comes back in unleashed fury. Snoke. The Knights of Ren. The First Order. Him trying and trying but never being fucking good enough at any of it. The Light or the Dark. He has tried, pulled himself in both directions so extremely that he thought he would break, that he would be shattered and hollow and broken.
And his father is there on the walkway, and he is open and promising him that love again. A home. Belonging. He is promising safety and warmth, and Kylo had that once. He had that once from him before and it was ripped completely out. Until he was taken, corrupted, warped into the person who he is now. He just wanted it to end. But he was a failure to the Light. He has killed too many people to ever be good so he can only be the opposite and forget the reminder. Kill the person who wanted to save him.
The tide is climbing around him, drowning his waist, and Kylo feels wetness crawl down his own cheeks as he watches the two suns dance around each other. "I'm sorry." He says low but deep. "Dad, I'm sorry." It doesn't feel like enough. Words do not replace the things he has done, and he's not sure what will.
He empties his thoughts and turns back to the island. He feels every bit of it, but the thing that stands out the most is her. She always has, and Kylo is pulled to that energy, the feel of light she holds so easily and naturally within her. It's beautiful.
He sits for a few more minutes before there are footsteps behind him and a sharp intake of breath. The steps increase in pace and sound, and he knows that she is running. "Are you okay?"
She kneels at his side, the water lapping around them both. Her fingers are brushing back the tear stains on his cheeks, tracing them up his cheekbones before they curl in his hair. He looks at her, brown-green eyes wide and full, hair a mess around her face. And she is so incredibly beautiful, and he is raw and brimming with feeling. Rey stares at him ardently, her hands rubbing the back of his neck. "Ben, it's okay."
He feels his chest rise and fall. It takes too much effort, and she does not seem to be breathing any easier. She's lowering closer to him, moving so she is half-straddling his waist, so that they are both wet through with tide and there is no air between their contact. "Don't be afraid." Her eyes are heady, and there is so much utter compassion in her presence that he feels like he is whole. "I feel it too."
His eyes flicker from hers to her lips. Her mouth is slightly open and too, too pink. He runs a finger down her jawline ending on her bottom lip. Rey grabs his hand away, linking it with her own, and nods.
It's the only sign he needs to kiss her.