hello everyone. thank you all so much for the great reviews, they really make my day. only two or three chapters left after this one. thank you all for sticking with it. work has been slowing down so i'm gonna do my best to post every tuesday. :) so, see you all again tuesday.

AFTERGLOW

Chapter 11

Kerri allowed herself to be led away by Brian even though she kept her gaze locked on Dean and Sam. No, it was only when her former fiance led her around a corner and into his office that she looked him in the eye. She felt an overwhelming rush of emotions when she looked up into his dark blue eyes. She'd agreed to marry him, but she always knew deep in her heart that it had been for the wrong reasons. After Sam and Dean left Kerri tried to put as much distance between herself and her father as possible. She didn't blame him, not entirely at least, but without the Winchesters the hunting life was nothing but a vast and empty void. And, every time she looked at her father all she could see were mistakes and missed opportunities.

Brian had been a lifeline for her in those troubled times, and she'd grasped onto that little bit of normal with every fiber of her being. She felt safe with him, saw the possibility of a future with him, and she was accepted by the town when she was with him. It was like emerging from an endless night. But, the one thing that was really and truly missing from her heart was what should have been the most important thing— love. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, wanted to bask in the promise of normal. Yes, she wanted to marry him, but not because she was madly in love with him. She wanted the constant he offered.

It was an illusion, a lie she'd somehow made herself believe, and it had all come crashing down one late summer night in 2005. The loss of her father and Evelyn at the hands of the Yellow Eyed Demon only proved to Kerri that no matter what she did, she could never escape who she really and truly was. Add to it her father's little 'experiment' and a happy future with Brian turned into nothing more than a pipe dream. It wasn't fair to her or Brian, but it was the way life was, and the young redhead had learned long before that fighting fate was a futile cause— because no matter what, fate and destiny would win every time. She was who she was for a reason, whether she liked it or not, and the day Evelyn died was the day she decided once and for all to accept that, no matter the consequences.

"Ok, start explaining." Brian began, rounding on her when they entered the office.

"Explaining what?"

Brian just gave her a look, and Kerri knew full well what the older man wanted. But she had nothing to explain, this was her life and as much as it may have hurt him, Brian wasn't a part of it any longer.

"I already told you."

"What happened to Dean? Yeah, you gave me a story, which I don't believe by the way. But that's not what I meant. What's been going on with you the last few months? And don't just tell me to trust you, I deserve more than that."

Kerri looked at him long and hard— what had been going on the last few months? She'd come alive again, that's what had been going on, her one wish had come true. Ever since that ill-fated summer day in 1995 Kerri had been praying for one thing and one thing only, Dean and Sam. There were times during the brothers' absence Kerri wished she'd never met them that long ago winter day. If she'd never met them, then she wouldn't miss them so terribly. But Dean had come stumbling into her life at the age of six, and Kerri had never been the same.

The blonde often told her she had saved him back then, but Kerri knew it was the other way around. Kerri was floundering when she was a child, lost in a world where she was always pushed aside, always whispered about and ignored. And then came Dean. He was the first person that actually payed attention to her for who she was, and not what she was.

Kerri looked up at Brian again, not sure what to say to him. He knew nothing of the hunting world and the redhead was determined to keep it that way. She was forced into it, and once you learned the truth there was no turning back.

"I'm sorry, Brian, it's just not something I can explain."

"Why do you trust them so much? I mean, you haven't seen them since you were a kid and people change."

"They haven't. It's something I can't explain, and I know you don't wanna hear 'trust me' but they're two good guys, and they always will be."

"Two good guys that are running from the cops?" Brian countered, crossing his arms.

"What people think are facts aren't always the real facts."

"Kerri, come on, they still never caught the guy that hurt you. If you're being held against your will, I know someone that can help get you to safety."

Kerri smiled a little at the older man's persistence. She was as safe as she would ever be with Sam and Dean, and nothing would change that. "We took care of it."

Brian opened his mouth and closed it again, staring down Kerri. "What?"

She continued on the lie, or half-truth, whatever you wanted to call it. "Sam and Dean tracked him down, it's taken care of." Kerri looked down at her feet, fidgeting a bit beneath Brian's gaze— hoping her act was paying off.

"That's why they need to stay under the radar?"

Bingo. "Yeah, I mean, the guy deserved it, but juries and all that— he won't be missed."

"Sadie always used to say they were dangerous."

"She also said I was a devil spawn because I have red hair, you kinda gotta take her with a grain of salt."

Brian smiled, moving a few steps closer and pulling Kerri into his arms— she didn't resist. She missed him, she wouldn't lie, and she'd enjoyed her life with him. But the past was the past and she knew she'd never be able to return to it. "Thank you, Brian," she whispered, returning his embrace, her head resting against the taller man's chest, arms around him.

"Just, promise me one thing, Kerri." Brian began, pulling away from her. "Keep in touch a little more often. I worry about you." He spoke softly, his eyes locked with her's, running his hand through her long hair.

"I'll try." Kerri smiled, rubbing Brian's arms. She knew it was a promise she'd have a hard time keeping, but he did deserve a 'hello I'm still alive' a little more often.

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Sam sat in the hard plastic chair, his eyes fixed on the still form before him. Brian had given Dean a sedative after a series of seizures tore through his body. And while the doctor assured him Dean was responding to the electrolyte treatment, Sam still felt uneasy. In wasn't natural for Dean to be so still, so quiet. Dean was always moving, always talking— and no matter how much he claimed it annoyed him, at that moment all Sam wanted to hear was his brother's voice. The older man hadn't said a word since they found him, hadn't been conscious for more than a few seconds at a time. It was tearing Sam apart.

The young hunter bowed his head, resting his forehead against the thin clinic mattress. He was smothered. Everything about his life was crashing down on his already heavy shoulders. It had been a little less than a year since a botched hunt brought he and Dean back to Valley, Wyoming— but to Sam it felt like a lifetime. So much had happened in that time, so many secrets revealed, so many memories changed, and the brunette was finding it hard to deal with the upheaval.

He couldn't lose anyone else, couldn't watch as more people he loved slipped through his fingers. First Jessica, then his father, then Evelyn. One by one, those around him fell. It was like watching his worst nightmare unfold and being unable to effect the outcome of his own life. He was trained to fight, trained to save people, and he still lost everyone that mattered.

"You still think he can be saved?"

Sam looked up, spinning in the chair at Evelyn's voice. The twenty-two year old Evelyn was looking solemnly at Dean's still form. Sam still couldn't believe how beautiful Evelyn was, her long dark hair falling to her waist, wrapping around her face and shoulders in soft subtle waves. Her eyes were pale and piercing, but still warm, like deep, clean springs. And, if he didn't know any better, he'd say she was glowing, like there was an soft aura around her spirit. Sam studied Evelyn again, a thought suddenly racing through his mind. She couldn't be a spirit, Kerri said she'd been lost in the fire, that there was nothing left to bury. Evelyn's remains had already been burned, so by all accounts, she shouldn't be standing before him.

"What are you?"

"I've already told you, Sam. I'm Evelyn."

"Your body was burned, you spirit can't remain."

"There's more than one thing to be anchored to, Sam."

"Why are you here? Why can't you move on?"

"I couldn't save them."

"Yeah, Ev, I get that." Sam began, scrubbing his face, not even realizing he'd used the familiar nickname with a long dead girl.

"I can't sit and rest when I know they're gone."

"Only your father is gone, Kerri's safe." Sam tried to explain, remembering the young girl's fears when the Watcher had attacked their home. Kerri had been taken by the spirit and held for three long days, and each and every one of those days had been torture for Evelyn. Each day she sat by the door and waited for Dean to return, dying a little each time when the then eleven year old boy returned empty handed.

"Is she?"

"Yeah, I mean, we'll keep her safe."

"We're all going to lose, Sam."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"There's no way to fight a darkness that's in all of us." Evelyn was getting more and more cryptic the longer she spoke, a dark veil growing around her as the world seemed to slip away. Sam tried to focus on her, but all he could see were her pale eyes shining out against the darkness that was slowly swallowing the room. He tried to speak again, tried to get up from the chair, but found himself being suffocated by the overwhelming darkness. The last thing he registered before darkness claimed him was the constant beeping of Dean's heart monitor.

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Kerri made her way down the hall, wanting to be with Dean. This had been way too close, and she wouldn't feel completely at ease until Dean was his smart-ass self again. He wasn't supposed to be so bruised and battered, wasn't supposed to be hurt. He was supposed to be larger than life— he was her hero after all. All her life he'd been the only person to ever 'save' her, the only one to step in and take away the darkness. Sure her father had been there, but he wasn't Dean, and Kerri knew no one would ever be able to fill the blonde's shoes.

The redhead smiled when she walked into the room. Sam was sitting in the same chair she'd left him in, his head resting against the bed, deep asleep. She couldn't blame the kid, though. He hadn't slept since Dean had gone missing, at least not that she knew of, and she was pretty sure he hadn't eaten either. The past few days were just a whirlwind, and now she knew it was time to rest. Brian told her Dean would be fine once he recovered, barring any unforeseen complications. It was all she knew she could ask for, and she was beyond thankful he had been able to help.

When she'd first found Dean in the wall, Kerri was certain he was dead. And, in that short moment, she felt her entire world crumble and fall into ruin. Even when Dean wasn't with her he was still 'around' and that had always been enough for the young woman. Death— that was an alternative she knew she would never be able to deal with. Off on the road doing what he did best, that was one thing, gone from this earth forever, that was something else entirely. Dean needed to be a phone call within reach, even if she never called— she just needed to know he was there.

She moved further into the room, resting her hand on Dean's foot when she made it to the bed. Even though they'd only been there a short time he looked better. His arms and wrists were bruised and his hair was dark with both debris and soot, but the color of his skin had started to come back a little, and his heart had finally settled back into a normal rhythm. She sat on the end of the bed, watching the boys sleep, thankful they'd found peace, even if it was only for a moment.

Kerri's reprieve didn't last long, though, her eyes growing wide when her gaze drifted from Dean to Sam. The brunette was lying still— too still— and one look at his face had her heart racing. Blood was running from his nose.

"Sam!" Kerri jumped off the bed, shaking Sam's shoulders— but she got no response. "Don't you dare, Sam." Kerri breathed, shaking the young man again. "Brian!"

"What? What happened?" Brian asked a moment later, running into the room.

"I can't wake him up."

"Who, Sam? Why didn't you tell me he was hurt?"

"He wasn't. I mean, I didn't think he was. He passed out back at the house before, I thought it was cause he hadn't eaten. But now he's bleeding from his nose."

"Do me a favor, Ker, get another bed from the other room."

Kerri wasn't gone for more than a minute, knowing exactly where Brian kept all the supplies. She pushed the second bed into the room, locking it in place as Brian gently lifted Sam's head from the mattress. With Kerri's help he managed to get Sam's much larger frame up on the bed, wasting no time checking over his vitals and hooking up a few machines.

Kerri couldn't believe what was going on. She was so focused on finding Dean she'd pushed everything else aside, and now Sam was paying the price. She hadn't even given Sam's fainting episode earlier a second thought— and then she'd walked into the room and let him lay there for several precious minutes, thinking he was only sleeping. All she wanted to do was keep them safe and happy, and she was unable to do either. Hell, she couldn't even keep them safe in the hospital.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Brian turned toward her, taking a deep breath before looking her in the eye. "If you would please give me a few minutes of silence it would really help."

"Sorry." Kerri whispered, moving over to Dean's bed. She wrapped her hand around his, absently rubbing her thumb against his palm as she watched Brian work on Sam. He'd been fine when she left, what the hell had happened in that short time?

She sat on the edge of Dean's bed while Brian worked, her mind lost in thought, lost in the what ifs of her life. Every time she thought one was safe the other ended up falling. Her mind drifted back to the day the earth demon had followed John and her father home, the day they'd nearly lost Sam forever. She had been trying to save Dean, trying to give him a life she knew he wanted. He wanted to finish school in Valley like they'd planned, and while neither Kerri nor Dean had ever planned on going to college, they both wanted to at least walk together. And then John had stepped in. He insisted Dean take the GED and get it over with, and Dean followed orders.

Kerri had been trying to help when she got her father involved, she really had, but it turned out to be another terrible decision in a long string of bad ideas. Everything backfired on her, nearly killing Sam, and sealing all their fates forever. Dean and Sam left because of her interference. And now she'd put Dean ahead of Sam, and it was coming back to bit her in the ass. He'd passed out in her arms, she should have done something about it then, but she'd let it go.

What's worse, was that this had been happening since they were at the Roadhouse. The Trickster said something about Sam being weak, and now Kerri was afraid the creature she'd made a deal with had done something to the younger hunter. She wrapped her hand around Dean's arm, needing the comfort he offered, even if he was still out of it. She didn't know how long she sat like that, holding onto Dean, watching Brian work on Sam's still form. She was lost in a tidal wave, drowning in her life and she was afraid both her lifelines would soon be gone.

"Ker?"

Kerri looked up at her name, the room around her slowly coming back into focus. "I'm gonna go run some blood work. You said he might not be eating or drinking right? So I've got him on fluids through IVs."

"You still don't know what's wrong?"

"No. But his vitals are good, I think he'll be fine, I just wanna make sure."

"Ok. Thank you, Brian, for everything."

Kerri turned her attention back to Sam, her hand wrapped around Dean's arm. She was so lost in thought she didn't see Brian look back over his shoulder, studying her and the brothers. No, all she saw, all she cared about was Sam and Dean, because when all was said and done, they were the only form of family the twenty-nine year old had left.