A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing thus far. Reading the reviews that you so kindly send always makes me feel better and encourages me to continue writing this despite how much I keep thinking to myself that I totally screwed up BP and now I have to find a way to fix it. So… thanks to everyone!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the characters used within this story.

Chapter 11: Drain Away

It was difficult to sleep through the remainder of the night. Every time I felt myself drifting into a dark sleep where I had no grasp on consciousness, I would instantly force my eyes open once more.

For some reason I simply couldn't allow myself to fall asleep like this, after the incidents that had happened. If Near had another nightmare and I was not awake enough to help him…

I never even let myself finish the thought.

So I continued to stay partially conscious through the rest of the night. But still Near did not stir at all. He lay quietly in my arms, his chest rising and falling with each breath and looking incredibly peaceful just as he did every time he was asleep.

When the morning rays of dawn filtered into the room, I knew I had to set the situation up right so Near would not wake up to this… If he did I was not sure how I would explain it.

I could imagine exactly what his onslaught of questions would be if he found us like this… but that was only because they were the same questions I had been asking myself during the course of the night.

Why was I holding him in my arms? Why had I not already put him back in bed? Why had I kissed his forehead earlier that night after he had calmed down again? There were so many questions, but no answers to go with them.

I finally sighed and lifted Near again, making sure the entire time to be gentle and miniscule with my actions, so I would not wake him. After all, I had no way of knowing if he was a light or heavy sleeper.

I placed him back on his bed as gently as I could and then drew up the sheets over his body, so he would not suspect a thing when he woke up in what I figured would be a few hours.

Afterwards, I took my normal position at the side of his bed, resting against the mattress and never letting my eyes stray from his sleeping form. As I watched him now, a new set of questions filled my mind.

'What are you dreaming, Near?' I asked him in my mind. 'Can you feel me here? Do you know what I did last night? And… if you do… what will you say about it?' I had to hold back a chuckle at that part.

If Near got the chance to comment about it, he would probably give me some long explanation about how what I did was not needed, nor was it logical.

I sighed at the thought. Did everything really have to be logical? Did everything really have to be so black and white to that kid? He needed some color in his thought process… but at the same time that was like telling a brick wall it needed to be more flexible.

It just wouldn't happen.

I exhaled a large breath and let my fingers run through the boy's white hair just one more time. It was strange how much I liked the feeling of it.

But as I brought my hand back to where it had previously been against the mattress I had to wonder to myself about all of these little actions that I had made. Finally, I began to let myself think about the things I wouldn't tread into last night.

'Why am I doing these things? Why am I going to such drastic movements to help him? What did all of this mean? Wh-.' I stopped myself instantly. No, I had to think about this in a different way. I couldn't continue to question myself all at once. I had to take one question at a time.

But I never got the chance to begin this, because a moment later Near began to stir in his sleep.

My eyes darted to him and watched the way his eyes trembled under the lids for a second before they slid open revealing drowsy dark grey orbs that watched the ceiling. I remained completely silent –simply watching him.

'What are you thinking? Do you remember? Say something, damn you!' I mentally shouted to him. I wanted to know so badly… why wasn't he answering my questions? How did he not see how much I wanted to know his thoughts?

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, his eyes drifted over to me as he sat up in bed. "Why are you awake, Mello?" He asked in that normal, monotone voice he always had.

"Couldn't sleep. You?" I asked, my eyes staying glued on to him, and trying as desperately as I could to request for him to give me more than just a one-worded answer like I knew he would probably do.

However, he gave me worse than that by simply shrugging in response. He pushed back the covers and I knew what came next. Hell, I'd stayed in his room enough to know. He would get up and go take the first shower of the day before preparing to face the rest of the world.

"Near." I caught him as he'd begun to make his way towards the bathroom. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to say… but I had to think of something quick. He turned to me, to show I had his attention. "Did you dream?" I finally spit out.

He gave me a sort of confused look, but then went into thought about it. "None that I can remember at all." He stated. "Why?"

"Then why are you going to take a shower now?"

His eyes hardened, as if to tell me that I should already know the answer to that. And, based on his answer, I thought I just might. "I feel disgusting, Mello. Thus, I require a shower." I said nothing else, and allowed him to go into the bathroom –closing and locking the door after him.

Once he was gone, I rested back against his bed and breathed a sigh of relief. In the very least I understood what was going on. He did not remember having that memory-based dream –my attempts to wake him up probably caused that. But his body and mind knew that he'd had it, which made him get that disgusting feeling he always got from remembering.

I was glad… now I had a way of helping him in his sleep as well.

-

I told Near that, today, we were just going to stay in his room. I really didn't feel like dealing with anyone, or anything right. All I wanted to do was answer some of the questions that were going through my head.

Near played with his robots and all of his dice on the floor, and I lounged on his bed, watching him and thinking at the same time.

It just… didn't make sense to me. Near was my rival… so why did I care so much about him to do everything that I had been doing thus far? When I got specific, I was wondering why I'd done what I had last night. It seemed like a good place to start, anyway.

'Maybe it was just the pain getting to me for seeing him that way.' I thought to myself. But then I had to shake the thought from my mind. That didn't make sense at all.

Sure… maybe I could feel pain, or sympathy, for him because of what had happened and for seeing the reality of it from those actions. But… that didn't constitute why I had to kiss him and promise that I was going to protect him.

Something just… wasn't adding up.

"Mello." Near's voice suddenly cut through my thoughts.

My eyes shot over to where he was on the floor and locked with his deep grey eyes. "What?" I asked, trying to hold back all of the annoyance that I was feeling. After all, I was not annoyed at him, so why should he have to see that.

I nearly growled at myself, there I went again trying to hide things in the hopes of helping him in the end. It just didn't make sense! Why was I doing this!

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, those eyes watching me as though they were trying as hard as possible to look past my façade to whatever was really going through my mind. I hated when he did that, it always irritated me…

"Nothing, Near!" I shot back at him harshly. Maybe because I was annoyed at myself… or maybe because I was annoyed at this whole thing in general. In any case I didn't mean to really snap like that.

But at the same time, I couldn't really take it back. No… that wasn't like me at all.

But as I watched the way he flinched away, at the harshness of my words and turned back to his toys as though our little talk hadn't just happened… I couldn't help but feel guilty.

I didn't want him to feel bad for simply asking a question. After all, how was he supposed to be the next L if he couldn't even ask a question anymore?

At the thought, I instantly took-back my own question. After what'd happened… I wouldn't be surprised if Near didn't even want to be L anymore. He was probably just continuing to do it all to keep up his perfect image.

I sighed and went back to my own thoughts… trying to figure everything out. I continued to do these things to him… but why?

Because I was sympathetic?

Because I hated to see him the way he was now?

Or was it some kind of combination of all the reasons I could think up? I mean… yeah, I was sympathetic to him now, but who wouldn't be? And I did hate to see him as he was. I hated to see how much feeling he was showing without meaning to. He probably didn't even know half of it was let off.

Maybe that was it… maybe I just wanted to fix it… as I had always said. I wanted to do anything in my power to fix it… to make him better once again.

But now… I was beginning to think that it was no longer simply because I wanted my competition back…

Maybe it was because…

I suddenly stood up, before I could even finish the sentence in my mind. I couldn't do it, I had to leave… I had to get Near out of my mind! He was plaguing all of my thoughts and placing thoughts there that I didn't need!

They couldn't be real… they just couldn't…

I crossed the room to his door but stopped with my hand on the doorknob, as I felt his eyes on me again.

I looked back to him and noticed the way his eyes were watching me with deep question laced in them. He was probably simply wondering where I was going, but I knew he dared not ask, for fear of another outburst like before.

This was good… because I felt if he did speak… I would probably say every thought on my mind.

'Play me even now, when you're vulnerable, will you?' I thought to him. 'Fine, have it your way. But I am not going to stick around to be another pawn for whatever game you're trying to play. I'm not going to do it again, Near! You won't win this!'

I kept my cool, leaving the room before I could snap.

The hallway was empty at this time, which surprised me. But I didn't think anything of it. My mind was too filled with the thoughts of everything from before. I never thought analyzing my own thoughts would lead me to discover Near's game.

Perhaps I would have to try that more often.

I walked aimlessly, considering whether or not leaving like that was a good idea. I mean… perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps there was no game… and Near wasn't using me.

No! He was! He had to be… why else would I be thinking all of the things I am, and thinking about him almost all the time?

Now it was my turn to get back. I needed to drain Near out of my mind somehow… I needed to stop thinking about him. Sure, maybe I could help him still… but not to the degree that I had been. In the very least, not when I knew that he was playing games with me.

Now came the tricky problem of how exactly I was planning on draining him out… what was there that could do that sort of thing? Not too many things, that I could think of, that was for sure.

"Hey, Mello." Came a familiar voice, suddenly.

I looked over and saw Matt walking into the room, a game in hand of course and his goggles over his eyes. "Hey, Matt, what's up?" I paused in step and waited for him to come over.

He continued to play his game as he came over to me, which I instantly began to wonder about. Usually the kid would at least put the game away when we were talking. This made me wonder.

"Nothing." He said simply. "Can we go talk?"

"Uh, sure." I said, confused now.

He didn't say anything more, but began walking away in the direction of our room. I paused for just a moment, wondering what this was all about. Maybe he would just say how annoyed he was that I was always around Near now… hopefully that would give me a reason to be away from Near a bit more.

I finally followed after him, intrigued now.

A/N: If anyone is wondering how Near was in this, and yet it wasn't in BP, well, in fact, there was a flashback in chapter 11 of BP that includes part of the earlier scene in it. Anyway, let me know what everybody is thinking might happen. I let one person read this and asked them and they didn't know, so... we'll see.

Please review!
-Forbiddensoul562