"Uhhh, we got rid of Barney!" Marluxia said happily.
"I know that! But something else just happened!" Xemnas said unaware that the most unloved member committed suicide.
"MARLUXIA CONVINCED LEXEAUS TO KILL HIMSELF AND NOW HE'S DEAD!" Zexion sobbed for the loss of his bitch.
"WHAT?" the superior said now mad at flower boy.
"Ahhh! I'm freaking out!" Axel said, running around the RV in a panic.
"We all are!" Saïx responded.
"Oh well, he was a waste of space," Marluxia took out some wipes and started doing the woman's job of cleaning the blood.
"You! This is YOUR FAULT!" Zexion pointed at him.
"We all know he would have done it anyway," flower boy continued to wipe up the blood.
"Xigbar, why did he do that?" Demyx whimpered.
"I don't know little guy. I don't know," he said and scooped his bitch up and carried him to bed.
"Have you figured out what to do with the body yet, Larxene?" Xaldin asked the plotting blond.
"Not yet-" she trailed off.
"Well hurry up. I don't like the face he's making," Vexen shivered, for that's all anyone dearer about.
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU MARLUXIA!" Zexion screamed before starting to pull his pretty pink hair.
"OH NO NOT MY HAIR! ANYTHING BUT MY PERFECT HAIR!" Marluxia cried.
"I got it!" Larxene cried suddenly.
"What are going to do with it?" Luxord asked as he dealt his cards for another round with Naminè and Roxas.
"We should throw it out of the RV!" Larxene said
"No, too conspicuous," Luxord said.
"Well-let me think some more-" Larxene turned on her sadistic brain and went to work again.
Luxord sighed, "What unfortunate events,"
Xion just giggled, "I thought it was pretty,"
"Larxene! Leave Xion alone!" Axel yelled.
"SHUT UP! I AM NOT A LESBIAN!" Larxene yelled.
"I didn't accuse you of that," Axel said.
"But it- and you. It sounded like- I AM NOT A LESBIAN!" Larxene slammed her head against the wall.
"Well now what?" Vexen asked, causing everyone to banish him to his forever alone corner.
"I got it!" Larxene smiled that smile that everyone hates.
"What?" Vexen asked.
"We can drop him off somewhere, like a hotel and make it look like he just killed himself there!" she laughed wickedly into the night with thunder and lightning conveniently in the background.
"That's dumber than the last one," Xemnas said.
"Hey! I can't help when my brain works and when it doesn't!" Larxene said.
"Here! Read yaoi!" Axel threw a book at her and Larxene started to read.
"Well, let her get her disturbing mind on and while we wait let us make out with our bitches," Saïx said and everyone went to their room.
Besides Zexion who had to fight with Xigbar over who'd get Demyx.
-Later-
"I GOT IT!" Larxene jumped out of her room.
"What?" Vexen demanded.
"We go deep in the forest, dig a hole put the body inside, and pour gasoline all over it and then throw a match in! Causing a forest fire! Killing innocent animals and taking care of Lexeaus!" Larxene laughed wickedly with thunder and lightning conveniently in the background.
"Okay," Xemnas turned off the exit and drove into the forest.
"Vexen! You find a good place to dig a hole," Xemnas assigned him.
"You can count on me!" Vexen saluted.
"Shut up," Xemnas said, making Vexen cry again.
"Oh! According to the density of the trees here and the volume of this clearing, we should be able to stuff the mass of Lexeaus into a hole if the circumference is clear enough!" Vexen pointed at a clearing.
Larxene smacked him in the back of his head with a shovel, "A simple 'Right there!' would do,"
Axel and Larxene dragged out Lexeaus' body over into the clearing and they both started digging.
"Good plan!" Axel yelled and flicked some dirt on her face.
Larxene hissed and pulled out more of his hair, causing a tear in the fabric of the universe.
Eventually, they made a big enough hole to stuff Lexeaus in, "Everyone get your asses out here!" Larxene yelled.
"What?" Vexen asked in a nightgown and nightcap that made him look like Scrooge.
"We are going to say some words to say good bye in order of rank," Axel said.
Xemnas stood up first and sighed, "You were a strong fighter," he said and poured some gasoline in the hole.
"You were good at Xbox," Xigbar poured more gas inside.
"You looked hot in that pink apron you wore when you helped me last Thanksgiving," Xaldin said (let's just know that everyone pours in gasoline, ok?)
"You were cooperative when I asked for you to try out my ugly potion," Vexen said, "Which turned out great!" he added.
"Oh, Lexeaus. I just want you to know that I love you so much. Even in death, no one may ever keep us apart. You were there for me, and someday I hope that we may be reunited," Zexion poured in as little gasoline as possible and stepped back.
"You were quiet and that's the only reason I ever respected you," Saïx said.
"Uhhhhh, got it memorized?" Axel said.
"I liked it when you pushed me on the swing," Demyx said.
"You were awful at poker, so now I must say thank you for all the munny," Luxord said.
"You were a waste of space and I hope you burn forever," Marluxia said.
"Thank you for making me laugh tonight when you killed yourself," Larxene said and poured in way more gasoline than called for.
"Thanks for protecting from Axel yesterday," Roxas said.
"Thanks for all the drugs and connections," Xion said.
"I have no idea what to say," Naminè said before pouring the rest of the gasoline in.
"Now! Who gets the honor of throwing in the match?" Xemnas asked.
"Me!" "Me!" "Me!" "Me!"
"It was my plan!"
"I encouraged him to do it,"
"I'm the penguin man!"
"I was his bitch!"
In the end, Larxene got to do it because she got pissed off and everyone got scared.