Helloz friends!

This chapter gives information about Danny! His wonderful life story! Might be boring, might not.

It's most certainly shorter than my more recent chapters, but the next one will be longer, I promise! Promise promise promise!

I don't own Doctor Who

Danny's Diary, Again

Dear diary,

I was on my mobile phone for almost the whole day.

I was in the baker's picking up some bread, when all of a sudden my back pocket starts playing the theme tune from Cabin Pressure. Seeing as this was the nineteenth century and people's back pockets didn't tend to play music like that so often, people began screaming and running around. I struggled with the device for a while, but it was stuck on a string.

So I was spinning around the baker's shop trying and failing at shutting down my mobile phone, and the customers are either having a major freak out moment or staring at me with awe as I shouted apologies and paid the man at the front desk, before taking my sack of bread and running back to Madame Vastra's house with the Cabin Pressure theme tune blasting from my backside.

And the person wouldn't stop bloody calling me! Once it finally shut down, after almost five minutes, and I thought my humiliation was over, it started up again! So once I shut myself in the safety of Madame Vastra's front entrance hall, bread cradled in one arm, other slamming the door, I managed to pull the device out of my pocket at long last to answer it.

Turns out, it was my mother, back in 51st century Avignon. She yelled at me in French for twenty minutes straight for not bringing home the milk. And why I'd been gone so long. And was that chav with the big nose keeping me? And had I finally gotten rid of those girl pants I was always wearing? And that my job called and said I was doing great on my assignment. And what assignment were they talking about? And had I picked up her knickers from the dry-cleaners? And did she mention the milk?

Then she proceeded to ask how I was doing.

Good God, that woman can just talk and talk about stuff nobody wants to hear in the first place! So after I told her that I was doing good, she decided to start telling me about what Betsy had been up to with the book club and sewing circle, and how she needed to replace the blinds in the front windows. I kept trying to interrupt her to tell her that I had to go, (Madame Vastra was giving me a dirty look because I'd been on the phone for so long) and she just kept talking!

So eventually, after I heard about five other things I didn't need to hear about, I yelled, 'Angry lizard woman, mum! I've gotta go!' and I hung up the phone, knowing I'd get another call in about twenty minutes, when she processes the fact that I just said the words "angry lizard woman" to her.

I took the bread into the kitchen and started up lunch. Halfway through grilling a cheese sandwich for Jenny, my phone started ringing again. I picked it up and tucked it between my ear and my shoulder. It was Jenny. 'Danny,' she droned loudly, causing me to jump and drop my mobile device on the ground. I put it back up to my ear and left her sandwich on the stove. 'You're late with lunch.'

'A chef is never late, Jenny. His dish is finished precisely when he means it to. Not a moment before, and not a moment later,' I chastised her. We both cracked up and I put her sandwich on a paper plate, tossing it into the teleport. Jenny made a satisfied noise from her end of the phone and hung up after thanking me. It was really quite funny.

Once I'd finished everyone's lunches, I delivered them around the house to different people. I struck up a conversation with Amy, once I have her the soup she'd asked me to make her, and I received many compliments on my cooking. Then after a while, she went back to mopping the Doctor's brow and checking all his vitals.

I visited Vastra and she laughed when I tried to explain who I was talking to on the phone when I failed to stop making noise in the entryway. I couldn't find Ben to deliver his sandwich, so I put it in the refrigerator to save it for later. Strax was quite satisfied with his oatmeal I fixed for him, or at least I presumed so. He made a grunt and smiled rather creepily at me and began eating it.

Not a moment after I sat down to eat a pear, my mobile phone rang again. I sighed and pressed the green button to answer, flopping my upper half down on the table. It was an old friend of mine, Jeff Siegal. He wanted to tell me about the hot new girl that was recruited the other day, and who was sleeping with who, and what other people were saying about me, and what was the thing on my desk, because it's growing arms, and was I done with my assignment yet, and could I pick up some biscuits when I come back to base?

He should go out for tea with my mother.

As soon as he'd hung up, I ate my pear. I like pears, pears are good. They have a nice taste, and are very satisfying when eaten. The cage that hung above my bed was rattling again, meaning the gerdamites were getting restless, which meant they needed to be fed.

Working for Torchwood was usually quite interesting, but it was the tedious jobs like this that often made me question my decision to accept the offer to join up. I'd been gone for months now, maybe even years to them, and my assignment still wasn't over! I had to find all of the pesky little gerdamites in this city in this time period before I was allowed to come back. Gerdamites, in case I hadn't already filled you in, are these stupid things that look like the pixies from Harry Potter, only green. But they're horrible, they bend the time vortex and cause all sorts of trouble for people who can't control them.

Madame Vastra was kind enough to me, so was Madame Jenny. Monsieur Strax was interesting, and I enjoy watching his facial expressions, but the sooner I could get back to the 51st century, and Avignon, the better. ¡Je veux vraiment revenir cette chose stupide victorienne suce juste! C'est horrible, et je déteste ca. Le plus tôt Torchwood me rappelle le mieux, parce que je suis complètement malade de cela.

Pardon my French.

And then... my mobile phone rang again.

Screaming, I threw it against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces of electronics. I wasn't very happy with myself after that, so I grabbed it up and shoved it in my pocket, and I ran downstairs to get someone to fix it.

But before I could find Ben, or anyone for that matter, Jenny stopped me and shouted something about dinosaurs that were popping out of the toilet. Her lizard-like wife turned and stared, before calmly walking into the bathroom to look at the acclaimed "dinosaurs."

The brown haired girl grabbed my arm and we ran into the other room before Madame Vastra found out she was only joking. We got into the greenhouse and I found that the Doctor was awake, and Ben and Amy were with him on the couch. After telling Jenny that she was mental, I sat down on my boyfriend's lap and received a kiss, which made me extremely happy.

Someone called the Doctor on his phone, right as I was asking Ben to fix my phone. It was a woman, and he seemed very disgruntled with what she was saying to him. He was shouting at her, and then he sighed and sat on Madame Pond. She was grumpy about this.

Then the scariest thing happened, yes it did, Ben and the Doctor started saying creepy things about killing people, and then Ben was screaming for a girl named "Clara." And all of a sudden, three people came kersplat! onto the floor in front of the couch.

Did you like? I like writing from Danny's pov, because he's a really strange character.

Anyway, in case you were interested, the phone incident in the shop was based on my own awkward moment at a bagel shop. But my ringtone is the Habanera from Carmen, and people were like, hmm... that's interesting.

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*ninja rainbows* out!