This one deals with the lovely phenomenon of self-insertion. A little too similar to some of my previous ones, I'm afraid. Oh well, consider it a warm-up. Stayed up all night tonight and wrote 3 stories. The next two are much longer and they are my favorites. Perhaps a few reviews would convince me to release them early? *wink* *wink* *nudge**nudge*

My god, I've become a review whore.

The Titans were fighting a fearsome monster in the sewers of jump city. You know the ones: way too big to ever exist and not at all smelly- that wouldn't be dignified. The monster was cinderblock. No, wait, it was Plasmus. He was busy beating the crap out of Robin and Cyborg while the rest of the team just watched.

" Dude, shouldn't we help?" Beast Boy asked stupidly, drool running down his face. You know, cause' he's always leaking some bodily fluid or another. Raven slapped him upside the head while Starfire just tsked, shaking her head.

"Of course not, idiot. We can't just attack him all at once, that would break continuity from the show. We're off screen right now." Raven stated matter-of-factly.

"But-" he was cut short as Cyborg was thrown at him, sending both of them face first into the wall.

"I believe it is now our turn," Starfire said, motioning for Raven to begin her assault. Raven nodded and charged at the villain, with Starfire trailing close behind. Both of them were beaten to a pulp in 6 seconds flat.

"He's stronger than normal, probably because of Slade." Robin said through clenched teeth, pounding his fist into his hand at the mention of the villain. Plasmus punched Robin in the face while he was busy being dramatic. Robin hardly noticed as he flew through several walls, with his fist still balled in his other hand.

"Actually, he's just as strong as normal," a sexy voice commented from down the hall of the sewer. From the collective sewage of a million jump city citizens rose the most devilishly handsome self-insertion you have ever seen. I had- I MEAN, he had super sexy knee high boots and was rocking the thinnest G-string money could buy. He was also ripped in a way I will never be and he looked just like me, except he had MAGICALLY lost around 365 pounds. His abs were so perfect, that they had abs too. His voice could only be described as orgasmic, and with one phrase, he brought Plasmus to his gooey, shapeless knees. "You all just suck."

He was gifted with all of the powers I wish I had, and with one glare, Plasmus melted into a pile of slime, never to be seen again.

The Titans all ogled him, no doubt wishing they could be him or sleep with him or fulfill any of my other dark, twisted Titan-related fantasies.

"Golly gee! With power like that, you could help us defeated Slade!" Robin shouted, tossing the guy a communicator, just like he does to every other person that crosses his path.

"Call me Dark Underhand Master Bad Angle Sacrifice Savior or DUMBASS for short," the Mysterious person said, without really being asked. "And no need, I've already got Slade right here!" He exclaimed, pulling a gift-wrapped Slade from one of the many plot holes already forming in this story.

Robin squealed like a little girl and pranced over to Slade, dragging him off to be 'interrogated' in his Slade-themed bedroom.

"Wait, how can we even trust this guy? He just swoops in from nowhere and-" Beast Boy began before he was hit with a rather large melon.

"Sorry about him, he's a little stupid," Raven said, shaking her head sadly. "Come on, we've already got your room set up." Starfire gave a hmph and kicked Beast Boy as she followed Raven out. Cyborg said nothing because he's not important enough to be in my story.

BACK AT THE TOWER:

"Oh, DUMBASS, you were simply amazing," Raven swooned as she walked out of his room. She fainted and Starfire stepped over her corpse.

"I agree, most amazing," Starfire confirmed nodding her freakishly orange head. Several other Titan ladies, whom I am too lazy to name, came out of the room, chorusing their agreement. They were all wearing slutty bikinis.

"Hur-Hur, years of practice ladies, years of practice," He said, his over sexuality and prowess with the ladies compensating for my lack of either. "Now follow me, harem!" He shouted, picking at his G-string and heading over to the ops room, or common room, or whatever you people call it. They followed him like a bunch of lemmings.

He swooshed into the ops room, or common room, or whatever, and threw Cyborg out the window so he could take his place on the Gamestation.

"Yo man, I can't fly!" Cyborg shouted as he fell to his death. Everyone ignored him. Beast Boy appropriately mourned the loss of his best friend by ogling the harem of Bikini Titans (Registered Trademark).

"Wow," He said, drool pouring out of his pants. Wait, that's not right…..MOVING ON.

"Up for a game Beast Boy?" DUMBASS asked, his pecks twitching with every word.

"Sure!" Beast Boy said excitedly. Ever since his best friend, roboman or tinguy or whatever had died, he hadn't had anyone to play games with. DUMBASS was so good, he beat Beast Boy while making out with Raven. Or maybe he lost. IDK. But he was making out with Raven, so he won. Beast Boy was too busy crying about Raven to notice. So as revenge, Beast Boy joined DUMBASS's harem.

Nobody ever said he was smart.

Robin came out of his room, panting heavily with most of his clothes torn off for some reason, even though Slade was tied up. "Slade is putting up a good fight, but I won't give up!"

"Fear not Robin!" DUMBASS said heroically, a cape appearing on him. He teleported to Robins bedroom and saw Slade spread out and tied on the bed. He was laying on Slade-themed sheets, looking up at the Slade poster taped to the ceiling, and tied up with official Slade brand rope (Each sold separately). "You fiend! TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!" DUMBASS screamed, wasting several exclamation points.

"MUHAHAHA!" Slade muhahaha'ed, obviously not concerned with the exclamation point shortage. "Can't you see, I let myself get caught by you so that I could sneak into the tower and MAKE YOU MY APPRENTICE!1!" Because that's what Slade does, he kidnaps oc's to add to his collection.

Summoning the last bit of his ENERGY (batteries not included), Slade broke his Slade-themed ropes and grabbed DUMBASS, whisking him off to the Slade-cave.

With him gone, Starfire became the leader of the harem because she's a super slut in the comics. Robin fell into a deep insanity from which he would never return. Cyborg was still dead. But that's OK, his body was being used to fertilize Raven's new garden. Beast Boy was happy because he was in a harem filled with hot, super power girls. And Jump city lived happily ever after while the Titans preformed lewd acts in full view of the city from their living room window.

…

Why aren't you reviewing you soulless, parasitic demon? Yeah, I'm talking to you. Taking everything you want from me and giving me nothing back; abandoning me like some meaningless one night stand who just gave you a night of fantastic, passionate lovemaking. The sight of you disgusts me. Luckily for you, it's not too late for redemption. You know what to do.