It have been three months now, still nothing.
The first week, I walked around the moroi house with hope. I could feel Adrian would come back.
The second week, I started to lose faith a little, but not fully. Only a small piece of me started to doubt my hope.
From that, it only got worse.
The third week, I felt numb. I didn't shower, brushed my hair and I barely ate. I didn't show any feelings, no expressions. All I thought was Adrian and him laying on the gurney, not moving. I guess I mirrored him. When he didn't show anything, I didn't have a reason to either. I just thought of how it all was my fault, if I woudln't have ran away, they wouldn't have come to rescue me and the crash wouldn't have happened. I still fell that it's my fault. How can I not, it is my fault. It's my fault his green, wondering, curious, loving eyes doesn't shine anymore. It's my fault that his flirty, loving, smile doesn't light up my world anymore. It's my fault that he's laying here. I'll never forgive my self.
I need Adrian like the sun needs the moon. Nevermind, I'll never be a sun... I'm probably the moon...
I need Adrian like the moon needs the sun. Like the water in the ocean needs the moon. Like the strigois need the dark. Like I need him.
The fourth week, someone knocked on the door to the moroi building. Lissa.
She sat next to me in a couch. I didn't make a move. I felt nothing. She grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me towards her. She lifted up my face and made eye contact with me, exploring my eyes and then pulling me into a hug. When I saw her, I felt something; happiness. She was here with me. I did nothing to hug back, yet nothing to fight against it. But I was a little bit happy.
And that was a big push to the rest of the weeks.
Now it've been three months. I'm okay, but I'll never be okay without him.
He's my beginning of forever. His eyes, looking at me like I'm the most Worth of anything in the room. His eyes can say every word that his mouth doesn't pronounce. The way he touches me, like I'm the most thin glass in the world and if he touch harder, I'll break. The way he speaks to me, like he's a poetry writer and everything he says to me is his dearest poem. The way he kisses me, like I will fade away if he stops.
I want him to wake up so I can have all of that again. To know he can forgive me because I hurt him. So I can tell him I'll never hurt him again and that I'll never let anyone else hurt him.
I want him to wake up so I can kiss him again.