Author: Ashley

Title: Finding Our Way Back

Rating: M

Part: 11/15

Pairing: Mon-El and Kara Danvers (Zor-El)

Word Count (Chapter Eleven): 2,290

Summary: "It had been almost two months and he wasn't getting any better. Her eyes were wide as she sat there staring at him. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to help him." - Kara and Mon-El break up in 2x16: Star-Crossed and the Music Meister never pushes them back together. After an incident with his mother, Mon-El has been put into a coma to recover from lead poisoning. Kara moves on without him. When he wakes up, will they be able to find their way back to each other?

Disclaimer: I don't own Supergirl, DC Comics or anything related to such things. The ideas, dialogue and plot points here were inspired by the show, but they are my own. Plagiarism isn't nice. Please don't steal my ideas.

A/N: Hi readers! Chapter 11 coming at ya!

Now, prepare yourselves, I'm going to be pretty conceited here and say that I'm very proud of these last five chapters here. I worked pretty hard on some of these paragraphs and ideas and I just feel like they were written very well. There's a lot of emotion and feelings and thoughts and getting into our karamel's heads (actually I don't think there's any dialogue in this chapter...) and I think it all flows pretty nicely. So anyways, I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do (if not...uhm, awkward).

Chapter Eleven

November 1, 2017

She looked happy.

He didn't want to say anything. He'd lost the right to comment on her happiness when he'd lied to her. They were broken up now, so her happiness should be none of his business. He couldn't fault her for being happy, but her constant good mood made him sad.

He used to be the one who made her happy.

He'd already recalled the memory, but he often found it flashing through his mind; tugging at his heart and causing the butterflies that remained in his stomach to flap their wings. The memory of when they were snuggled together on her sofa, her legs resting across his lap.

"I'm just happy," she had said and that smile. It was almost as if she were nervous to say it; afraid that when the words slipped out, her happiness might float away. As if she hadn't felt that kind of happiness before and she was scared that by mentioning it out loud, she might lose it.

But then a blush started to hit her cheeks and her eyes sparkled at him and she realized that she was safe with him; that he wouldn't let her happiness slip away from her.

The second most often recalled memory of his was her heartbroken face as she asked him, "Were you ever going to tell me the truth?" and he couldn't give her the answer she wanted. His lie had come out and he'd stolen that happiness away from her; ripping it from her hands and her heart and he couldn't seem to give it back to her.

So he was no longer the one who made her happy; she had someone else for that now. And that was okay. He shouldn't be upset. This was all a part of moving on. They were friends now and that was better than nothing.

He'd met Eric a month ago and things had somewhat changed. Nothing for the worse at least, but it wasn't perfect.

Kara still came to work at the DEO each day and even went on more missions with him. They'd talk at the DEO, about nothing really, but at least there was an exchange of words that previously, post-coma wouldn't have happened. She didn't avoid him in the hallways and she no longer turned the other way when he walked in a room. They'd succeed in capturing an alien and she'd willingly high five him. She'd praise him when he caught the bad guy first (which was rare, but it happened). She'd nudge his shoulder in jest.

A couple of weeks ago, Alex had invited everyone to her place for game night and he had been invited for the first time in what felt like years. Alex had extended the invitation to him, but Kara had at least been there. Eric was invited too, of course, but hey, at least he was still considered part of the group even without dating Kara. He hadn't realized how much he missed these people and their stories and their laughter.

But he found himself spending the majority of the night forcing himself not to cringe when Eric wrapped his arm around Kara's shoulders, or when he leaned over to kiss her cheek as she rolled a good move on the board.

But at least he got to see that smile again.

There was also that one night they'd all gone out to a bar (a human bar of course) for drinks and tapas and she had brought Eric along. He guessed that Eric fit in with the group. Well, they had to be careful about their chatter as Eric was unaware of the number of superheroes and secret government agents at the table, so it wasn't their usual conversation. He sat across from Kara all night and tried to ignore the way Eric's chair sat so close to hers, one of his hands continuing to stay under the table all night. He could only try to force himself not to think of where that hand had settled on.

But, at least she was still here and she wasn't pushing him away.

His eyes drifted across the room at the DEO; past the computer screens and the agents and the tech and his eyes landed on her. On her smile. Big, bright, toothy, excited.

Whenever she was around at the DEO (really the only constant place he knew he could see her), she had that smile.

Sometimes he'd catch her staring back at him with a more subtle grin before she'd shake her head and the smile would falter. He knew he was catching her thinking about Eric. Then he'd see that smile differently; properly. It was one of those smiles that accidentally slid onto your face when you thought of the one you loved; when your brain took you away and distracted you with thoughts of them. Then he'd realize she was likely not staring at him, but rather through him, like when you forget to focus your eyes on somewhere safe before drifting away with your thoughts.

The thought of that beautiful smile being for a man other than himself made his stomach churn and he got this awful feeling in his chest; like his heart wasn't beating properly anymore, like that lead was back inside of him. He'd smile a polite, but undoubtedly forced smile back at her if their eyes connected before he would leave; go anywhere else where he didn't have to see that smile. That smile that he used to adore which now made him regret ever relating it to her love for him.

She wished she was happy.

She thought she was happy with Eric, but the more she thought about it, the harder she tried, the more she realized that this time was different. This "happy" was different. It was less like happy and more like content. Or maybe indifference? Companionship versus a relationship. She spent time with Eric, a lot of time over the past few months, and she enjoyed that time with him, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't like it used to be with Mon-El.

Mon-El made her happy. So happy. Still, after everything that had happened before and after the coma, he still made her happy. Especially after they had agreed on being friends, he'd met Eric and they'd put everything out into the open. Now that he was put in her path again, she was starting to feel that real, genuine happiness again.

She couldn't contain her grin when they were working together at the DEO; her smile spreading easily across her face when she high-fived him for catching the bad guy, which was happening a lot more often now (he was getting a lot better at this superhero thing). She no longer put off talking to him, even joking with him every so often, a slight shoulder bump that would usually (exaggeratedly) send him flying in the opposite direction with a laugh. He'd talk to her and his voice no longer seemed awkward. He'd get this little grin on his face and his eyes would light up and he just seemed so happy.

She wished she could feel that way every day again; have that unbridled need to smile, where you just couldn't hold back your grin because you were just happy to be here, happy to be alive, happy to live your life with everything you had.

They had all gone to Alex's for game night recently and she remembered his bright smile when he ended up winning their game of Monopoly. She also tried not to cringe at James' choice of board game. Monopoly made her mind go back to that time Mon-El had almost died; the time the Medusa Virus had invaded his lungs and he had to be locked away, a one-sided game all that they could do to entertain themselves while they waited for answers. The one time before he'd collapsed, before he'd kissed her gently for the first time. He seemingly forgot about all that when the Monopoly board was brought out as he barely reacted, meanwhile her heart jumped into her throat before falling to the pit of her stomach. But he didn't forget the rules of the game. He had high-fived most of the table when he won, but she didn't raise her hand. Eric's arm was wrapped so tightly around her shoulders she was sure that it wasn't a good idea at the time.

Then there was that night Eric suggested they hang out with her friends so he could get to know them. When she had brought it up to Winn, he suggested a bar that wasn't filled with aliens for the get together. Mon-El spoke when spoken to, his hand wrapped around a glass of club soda as he listened to everyone recall stories about their lives the last few months, most of which he was comatose for and didn't remember at all. Nobody told Eric where Mon-El was or why he didn't recall any of the memories everyone reflected on. He didn't need to know that. She just watched his face light up with every story. There was that grin on his face like he finally was getting back to where things were before the accident.

She wanted to enjoy herself, but Eric was eating with one hand, and he had the other resting on the inside of her thigh. She knew everyone could sense it. All night she saw people's eyes following his arm to where it led under the table. She felt uncomfortable and restricted, so she plastered on a fake smile and hoped that Mon-El was having too much fun with all of their friends' stories to notice.

Not that it should matter. It shouldn't matter what he thought about her relationship with Eric.

Often times she'd watch him from across the room at the DEO. When he wasn't hanging out with Winn, he would usually be talking with Dana or Vasquez. He'd tell them jokes; jokes he no longer reserved for her; jokes she didn't get to hear anymore. They would throw their heads back in laughter, cackling at whatever ridiculous, but no doubt adorable thing he had said to them and she found herself smiling as she watched him, even when she told herself not to.

He must often feel her staring, feel her smiling in his direction because he always caught her; his eyes connecting with hers even at a fair distance. She'd have to shake her head and knock herself out of it and back to reality. He would smile back at her in a way that she hated to see; as if he were apologizing for making them laugh instead of her laugh. And then he'd leave. He'd disappear for a half hour or something as if he were avoiding her, afraid that she would yell at him for making jokes on the job.

They'd been working on this friendship thing and it was really putting him back in her orbit. She was trying really hard not to compare anymore, but she was thinking of him a lot more frequently after trying for so long to put him out of her mind. She only started thinking about their relationship again once he'd woken up. When he was in the coma, all she could think about was the anger and the betrayal and the lies. She didn't remember the longing looks, the comforting touches, the sinful smiles. The things that she loved. The things that she missed.

It was like when Mon-El was in that coma, when he was asleep, he was no longer an option. Those looks, those touches, those smiles, all no longer attainable. She couldn't be with him, so she couldn't have those things. She just had to change what she wanted, what she deserved, what she could have. But now, he was awake and he was standing right there in front of her, but he was still no longer an option. She had a boyfriend. She couldn't let herself acknowledge a possible relationship with Mon-El. Not while she was supposed to be with Eric. Not while she had no idea how Mon-El even felt about her anymore; if he even still thought about her in that way.

After their decision to be friends, he'd never mentioned them becoming a couple again. He never said that he wanted them to be together. He never said whether or not his feelings for her had changed. It had been over a month since he'd told her that he wouldn't go after her; that he was an adult and he could understand her decision to end things. Now, she had no idea if he still felt that way: if he wanted to be with her but refrained from talking about it because he thought it might make her angry, or if his feelings for her had gone away entirely. He did look happy after all. He looked like he had accepted their breakup; that he had actually moved on from her.

She couldn't do anything. He wanted to be friends and as the days went on, she found that more and more difficult for herself. She didn't know if she could do it: be friends with him. Especially when one part of her, a part way deep inside of herself was screaming out that she wanted more than that.

But then the other part of her would say that she had Eric. She was in a relationship where she could keep searching for those things; those longing looks, those comforting touches; those sinful smiles.

This time it would just feel different. It would just be different.

A/N: As always, thanks for reading everyone! I'd appreciate any comments, favourites, follows, tweets, etc. I love hearing you guys' thoughts!

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