Butterflies erupted in Jackie's stomach as she got ready that morning. It felt as though it was her first day of school, not just the beginning of a new semester. The first day had gone fine, she had a class with Hannah again. But today, today was the day she had been looking forward to all break, her class with Catherine. The first class drug by slowly, thankfully the Professor dismissed them after only forty-five minutes, maybe Catherine would be early to class as well. Waiting in the hall, she couldn't help but keep checking to see if she was on her way. When the class before theirs finally filed out, she entered, thrilled to be able to pick a good seat. She debated where to sit, wanting to sit close enough to Catherine, but not look too obvious. Without wanting to look crazy to the other students, she quickly chose an aisle seat near the middle, and stared at the clock as the time drew nearer. Finally, in walked Catherine. Jackie could feel the air in her lungs completely escape. She hadn't seen her in nearly a month. Catherine looked around the room as she greeted everyone, eventually locking eyes with her, they exchanged a smile. Should she stay after class and talk to her-See how she was doing, or would that look too desperate? Had she known it was her who called her on New Years? These were the thoughts that occupied her mind the entire class. When it was over, she packed up her things casually and made her way to the door.
"Did you have a good a break?" She asked Catherine as she passed her desk.
"I did," she smiled. "You?"
"Yeah, it was okay" Jackie nodded, holding her back pack over one shoulder.
"Good" Catherine smiled, and that was it. Jackie left, not wanting to press her luck. After all, Catherine had asked her to turn around and go inside for the sake of both of them. She needed to keep respecting her boundaries if she wanted to stay in her life.
Playing it cool, Jackie acted like a model student. She was intrigued watching Catherine teach, she had never seen her in action before. All the same, she was going crazy seeing her at peak attraction twice a week. Every class, she would subtly look her up and down, tempted to follow her back to her office. They were the best three hours of her week, but also the most torturous. She had to give herself credit though, she had remained calm and collected thus far. Still wanting to impress her though, she stayed back one class a couple weeks into the semester to discuss her research paper, wanting to get a good start on it.
"Professor Stark?" She said as she approached, minding her P's and Q's.
"Yes?" Catherine looked up, as she was packing her bag.
"Is their any chance you could look over my outline real quick? I want to make sure I have it down before I go any further."
Catherine bit the side of her lip as she looked up at the clock on the wall, "I really don't have the time right now, but I'll tell you what. I'm free Monday if you want to stop by around 12:30ish?"
"I can do that, thanks!"
"You're welcome," Catherine smiled, "See you then."
On Monday, Jackie took a deep breath in before knocking on Catherine's door. "Hi, Jackie" she smiled. "Just give me a second, you can have a seat" she pointed, before cleaning the remnants of her lunch off her desk. "How are your classes this semester?"
"I'm taking my final stats class, which is still a headache, but so far so good. No complaints here."
"Well you seem to be doing really well so far, but that's no surprise" Catherine smiled.
"Thanks," Jackie smiled bashfully.
"Okay, let's take a look at this outline."
Jackie pulled it out of her bag and handed it to Catherine. She watched as Catherine studied the page, her brows pressed together in concentration. "A few things..." she said slowly before looking up. She stood from her chair, "here, come sit" she patted the back of her chair. Jackie did as instructed. "Your first paragraph is great, really strong. I love this quote from the original researcher," she pointed. "But here, I would add a few more points to really strengthen the argument. Catherine leaned over, one hand on the back of Jackie's chair, the other pointing to a paragraph on the paper. Jackie's heart raced as Catherine's body leaned into hers, her perfume encompassing her. Her eyes left the paper and she began staring at Catherine's lips as she spoke, watching her enunciate every word, not comprehending any of it. Catherine must have asked her a question because she looked down at her.
"Jackie?"
She couldn't control herself any longer, she reached up and placed her hand behind Catherine's head and kissed her. Not softly like their first time, this time she knew what she wanted and wasn't waiting for Catherine to take initiative. She kissed her deeply, passionately, and didn't stop. When they finally parted lips, their faces stayed close to one anothers', as Jackie's hand was still rested behind her head. Catherine breathed heavily, "We can't" She whispered. They paused briefly, staring at each others lips before Catherine grabbed the back of Jackie's neck and returned her kiss. Jackie got up from the chair with Catherine's arms still wrapped around her neck, and pushed her onto the desk. She placed her hands on the sides of her face as she kissed her, letting her lips trail down her neck as she began unbuttoning Catherine's blouse. She could hear her struggling to stay silent. Just as she began sliding Catherine's skirt up her thighs, there was a knock at the door. Catherine placed a finger over Jackie's lips and froze.
Her eyes were as wide as Jackie had ever seen them. "Shit!" She whispered. She pushed Jackie off of her and got down from the desk, straightening her skirt back over her thighs. Looking in the mirror on her desk, she patted the make up around her lips as she buttoned her shirt back up. "Sit on the other side," she demanded in a whisper.
Jackie pretended to read her paper as she heard the door open. "Hey! Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were with a student."
"It's okay. Want me to stop by when I'm done here?"
"Yes, if you don't mind."
Jackie heard the door close but there was silence. She looked over her shoulder and saw Catherine's forehead pressed against the door, her hand still on the knob. When she finally turned around, her fingers were on her temples as she walked back to her desk. "What are we doing!"
"It's okay, she had no idea."
"Jackie, you're my student now. As if it wasn't a big enough deal in Bloomington, it's an even bigger deal here."
Jackie stood up and began to walk over to her, "I'm sorry but I couldn't help-"
"Can you just go?" Catherine asked, shaking her head.
Jackie looked at her, taken aback at her request.
"Please?"
"Okay, I'm sorry" she said, as she walked to the door. She looked back before closing it behind her, Catherine was sitting at her desk, her hands covering her eyes.
Jackie's head was spinning as she walked across campus after she left. Someone's hands suddenly covered her eyes so all she saw was darkness. "Hey!" Hannah laughed, as she popped out from behind her.
"Hey" Jackie replied.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, I don't feel well."
"Good thing we've only got one more class left."
Jackie couldn't even think about class right now. "I think I'm going to skip it."
"Jacks, we have an assignment due."
"Oh yeah, can you hand it in for me?"
"I can try, but you know how he is."
"Just try please?"
"I will, are you going to be okay? Want me to stop by tonight with some soup?"
"No. I just need to sleep it off," she said coldly.
"Okay," Hannah looked at her hesitantly, as she took her paper. "Feel better."
"Thanks" Jackie said, attempting a smile.
She laid in bed that night and stared up at the ceiling. Catherine had sent so many mixed signals, that she feared the uneasiness wouldn't go away until they talked. Normally that would be fine, but Catherine asked her to leave so she was respecting her space-yet again. She'd see her soon enough though, she had her class tomorrow afternoon.
The next morning, she looked in the mirror and cringed at the dark circles underneath her eyes, she hadn't been able to sleep. When 2pm came around, she nervously awaited Catherine to enter the classroom. When she finally did, she began class and lectured the entire length, something she never did. She didn't look at Jackie once, and as soon as she finished, she grabbed her bag and left.
"Can we talk?" Jackie sent her in a text message. She waited all day for a response that never came, driving her even more mad. She just kept picturing Catherine sitting at her desk, over and over again in her mind. Her hands covering her face, looking so... ashamed. By the time Thursday rolled around she had had enough of the silent treatment. She waited outside class to catch Catherine before hand, finding it her only option. When she saw her coming, she walked to meet her. "Are you just going to ignore me the rest of the semester?" She whispered as she walked side by side with her. Catherine didn't say anything. "I don't deserve to be treated like this!" Jackie hissed in a whisper, but Catherine proceeded walking to class, leaving her frozen in the hall. Rage consumed her as she took a minute before heading in herself. How dare she treat her like this. When class ended Jackie picked up her backpack and made her way to the door, not directing her body anywhere near Catherine's direction.
"Ms. Kirk" Catherine called out.
Jackie paused as she watched the students file out. When she approached the podium, Catherine was staring down at the table, writing. She looked up and glanced around the room before handing Jackie a slip of paper. "This is my address. 8 o'clock."
"Okay," Jackie responded. When she turned to leave Catherine spoke again. "And Jacqueline?"
Jackie looked back.
"I don't think I need to remind you to be discrete."
"No, ma'am."
Jackie read the addresses on the houses before arriving to Catherine's. It was a nice little house, nothing like her elaborate one in Indiana, but nice. She knocked on Catherine's door.
"Come in," she said, still rather withdrawn.
"Do you want a drink?"
"Scotch?" Jackie smirked.
"Water it is," Catherine replied.
"Tough crowd" Jackie whispered, as Catherine disappeared into the kitchen.
Half expecting to be greeted by Ethan, Jackie felt an ache in her chest. Catherine returned and handed her the glass before taking a seat in a chair across the room, leaving an ample amount of space between them.
"You must never come up to me in the halls discussing personal matters again," she began.
"You didn't give me much of a choice. And I was discrete with my language."
Catherine sat her water down on the coffee table and stared at it. "What you did-" she looked up and Jackie raised her brows at her.
"What we did. It can't happen again. We made it this long without this being an issue-"
"Not easily," Jackie interrupted.
Catherine closed her mouth and pursed her lips. "Jackie, I'm your professor. This is serious."
"I know it is, and I tried to talk to you, but you treated me as if I didn't exist, like it never happened. But guess what Catherine? It did. And as much as you want to pretend that I was the only one in that room who wanted it, you're wrong no matter how much you want to deny it."
"I don't know what had gotten into me but I assure you, it is not going to happen again. It's inappropriate."
"Can you just stop."
Catherine looked back at her in shock.
"Stop treating me like I'm just some swooning little school girl. I'm not just another one of your flings. You had no right to kick me out of your office and ignore me like that. Treating me as if I were invisible. Not after everything."
Catherine's face softened, "I'm sorry, you're right. I was just upset that I let it happen."
"So that's it? You're just going to pretend it never did?"
"Yes, and you should too."
"Okay," Jackie said, slapping her hands on her legs before standing. "I guess I'll get out of your hair then."
Catherine followed behind her to the door.
Jackie turned before leaving, "This is killing you, I can tell. You miss the adrenaline of it. Instead, you're just trying to blend in- attending happy hours with boring college professors who talk your ear off, filling you in on every single detail of their mundane lives. You're trying to do things right this time, but I'm not one of those other girls Catherine."
Catherine stared at her, her eyes flinching as her jaw tightened. She paused for a moment before speaking, her hand on the door. "I don't want this to affect anything in class, or for it be awkward. You're doing really well." It was almost as if she were reading from a generated script.
"Yeah okay. Just another student, I got it."
"Jackie-"
"See you Tuesday Professor Stark."