WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTION OF PANIC ATTACKS, ANXIETY AND TRIGGERS. IF THOSE SUBJECTS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER. - EIRA
super long beginning notes: Hey guys, I'm back and worse than ever (ba dum tssss). I was trying to write a part three to a slave to your king for the past three days. but i hate it so so so much I've changed it like three times. Redid the whole story twice. And I'm just at this point where I'm just like omg you're an awful writer this is awful, i hate it, just stop. Because in my head and away from my computer my ideas are great. But when i sit down to write its all revolting and terrible. And all i can think of is omg why do people read anything i write?THIS IS UNBEARABLE. Fun fact about me: i never re read anything after i upload it. By the time i post anything i've read it a gazillion times to spell check and the only reason i would ever read it again willingly. Is to remember how the last chapter ended so i can start the next one. As i'm writing this i realize this note sounds like a cry for help but i assure you I'm fine but just really dramatic . I've fallen into a viscous sleep cycle of no sleep, i try to finish a chapter every day so i stay up till two in the morning writing (HA, i stayed up till 4:44 on this chapter. I laugh in the face of routine). then i finally give up or fall asleep and wake up at eleven the next afternoon.I promptly start writing but as i read over what i wrote earlier its terrible and i hate it so i start all over. (Dang man, this is why you don't write notes before you finish the story because i actually like this. it's cute)
Jeez I'm actually insane... ANYWAY if you have any ideas for that part three I'm begging you to share them because i would just love some ideas or anything. I know I'm behind on requests and im sorry but I'm trying my best even if my best isn't good. Thanks for reading this if i actually posted anything. especially since i reached 1K views WOOHOO I was amazed when i came back from my retreat . and shocked at how many people wasted their time reading my garbage lol. Thanks for everything.3-Eira
Original request from RoseCentury on fan : Reader has a toothache and severe anxiety like really severe
A) Loki accompanies reader to dentist
Or
B) Loki had studied midguardian medicine and offers to fix it
Reader is midguardian in this one
-Your Pov-
You had been awake for hours staring blankly at the ceiling above you from the spot inside your bed. Ever since you and Loki had stared dating he had abandoned his villainous ways and mindset. He had even started working alongside the avengers with shield breathing down his neck of course. Everyone always commended you for "changing him" or helping him be more tolerable since now he was more of a trickster than a tyrant. But the truth was you were the one who needed fixing or honestly needed Loki. He was always helping you with your social anxiety, panic attacks, and your crippling fear of going out in public. He knew about your extensive past of self medicating when you were a teen and even though he was extremely busy often. He somehow found a way to alway be by your side when you needed him. You depended on him for a lot of things whether it was him going to the store for you because you weren't feeling up to it. Or him ordering food for you at restaurants so you didn't have to make a decision and voice it .
Regardless, Loki's love, support, and encouragement helped you step out of your comfort zone by going to new places, trying new things, even by making you feel more powerful by yourself. Even on a bad day by yourself there was the knowledge that it would get better. Or that you were strong enough to handle it without depending on someone all the time. For the most part you could calm yourself down in low stress situations but there was no shame in asking for help when you needed it.
Loki had recently suggested you stay with him at the Stark tower with the rest of the avengers so you wouldn't stay alone. As great as that would be and you did really love the avengers like family but you didn't think you could be around that many people all the time. Loki was the only one who knew about your problems and you wanted to keep it like that. You didn't want to have one of your "bad days" around one of them and then have to explain yourself. Talks like that stick with people and they would forever treat you differently. Rather than put yourself through that you opted to stay in your apartment that was close enough to everyone as is.
You had been suffering with an awful toothache for about a month at this point. As much as it pained you to do it you had finally called and made an appointment at the dentist. In anticipation for that appointment at 10:30 you hadn't slept all night thinking about it. You would have to get up soon but you didn't want to even move an inch out of bed.
Your phone rang abruptly causing you to roll over onto your stomach and grab it from off of the night stand. Loki's name showed across the screen along with an off-guard picture of him eating some pudding. You answered the call and was greeted with a husky voice, " Dove, do not forget of your dentist appointment today. Did i wake you from your sleep?"
"No i just got through eating breakfast and thanks for reminding me i probably would have went back to sleep." You said, making sure not to speak loudly since he was obviously half awake. It was much easier to lie to him over the phone even if you were an awful liar. You rarely ate breakfast but when you didn't he saw it as a tell tale sign of something being wrong. So you specially went out of your way to mention that you did.
"Would you like for me to accompany you ? I can get dressed fairly quickly and then we can go together, I actually have nothing to do today." he said with a yawn.
"Oh no, you don't have to do that i'll be fine. It will probably only take an hour or two if there's a long wait and then we can do something together later."
"Are you sure you will be okay ? I do not mind getting up and going with you." Loki had to be unconvinced and your previous statement. He was always worrying about you and putting your needs over his own. Of course you loved him for it but he needed his rest and you might be able to manage on your own, it was only a dentist visit. Even children could handle just one visit so you as a (age) year old woman could too.
"I'll call if i don't feel good i promise...OH," you said interrupting your thought when you saw what time it was on your alarm clock. it was about 9:00 and if you wanted to get dressed and go early you should probably get up for real this time. "I gotta get dressed and figure out what to wear. I'll call you as soon as it's over or if something happens." Your response was greeted with another loud yawn and some shuffling.
"I love you," he whispered from the other end of the line in that adorable sleepy Loki voice that you loved so much.
"I love you too, get some rest so we can hang out later." You said smiling to yourself as you rolled out of bed.
As soon as you hung up the knot that had formed in your stomach came right back. "Stop (name) you're just working yourself up. it's one visit and it's going to be fine." you mumbled to yourself as you yanked out clothing from your closet.
It sucked to be nervous to perform menial tasks the average person wouldn't think twice about. While giving yourself a little pep talk didn't lessen the discomfort it really did make you feel a bit better.
After you got dressed in some jeans and one of Loki's hoodies you actually did eat some cereal. Put your hair in a sloppy braid, brush your teeth, wash your face, and got into a positive mindset. The appointment would relive you of the pain in the back of your mouth that you had been dealing with for a while. Plus your dentist is a lovely woman who was very understanding the last time you went. You would be in good hands at a good environment so there was absolutely nothing to worry about in the slightest.
You grabbed your keys and you were almost out the door before you came to a complete stop in front of a mirror. Maybe the braid and jeans were a bad choice. The jeans weren't exactly tight but would they seem like that to someone else? Your hair looked okay but when it was down you felt much more in control even if you had a hoodie to wear.
Before you knew it you were just standing there biting the knuckle of your index finger. Debating whether you looked too suggestive or too modest. The inevitable need to actually get going before you were late won the battle. So while tearing yourself away from the mirror propped up near the door. You quickly exited your door and hustled down the stairs to retrieve your car.
"Shit," you mumbled under your breath as you watched what felt like a large amount of people enter the two story building. This was more people than you estimated there to be inside of one building. "One hour it's just sixty minutes." you said with a sigh as you exited your car and lifted the hoodie over your head.
It wasn't long before you had jogged up the steps and entered the building. only to be met with a noisy waiting room and people littered everywhere. Your body tensed up, there was a sea of faces and bodies sitting in chairs or standing about. A woman sitting behind a reception desk noticed you looking out of place and waved you over. Offering a gleeful smile and a look over her wide rimed glasses.
"Hello and welcome to Werion Dental, how can i help you today?" her voice was laced with honey and a sweet smile to go along with it.
Your fingers picked at the fabric of your jeans out of her eye-line from the sitting position she was in.
"Appointment," you said softly under your breath feeling especially fidgety from her eye contact.
"I'm sorry i wasn't able to catch that. Can you speak a little louder please?" she replied looking down for an instant but back up at you.
"I'm sorry, Appointment for (f/n) (l/n)." you said leaning in a little closer and speaking up.
The woman in front of you clicked rapidly on her keyboard before coming to a complete stop.
"Yup, here you are. You will be called momentarily and Doctor Hannah will assist you." she shuffled some papers around for you to sign and shoved them in front of you. "Just sign this, this, and this then you can do find a seat."
You let out a shaky breath at the mention of a Doctor you had never heard of before. And the possibility of having to sit generally close to someone in this office. You scribbled on the forms she had given you slowly working up the nerve to confront the mixup.
"I'm sorry but i don't think that's my doctor. I would prefer her rather than anyone else please."
"It looks like your previous doctor has left our practice but don't worry Doctor Hannah is a treat!"
You nodded, still picking at you jeans and slowly backing away from the desk. "Thank you." you said returning back to your low voice. Scanning the waiting area the only available spot was between a woman with a child and a elderly man. You had already shoved your hands into your pockets as you made your way over to sit down.
The man was reading and the woman next to you was on her phone talking loudly. In an attempt to drown out all the sounds, the fact that so many people were around you, and displeasure of not choosing the doctor you wanted. You closed you eyes and took a few deep breaths to stay anchored in the point of this trip and convince yourself it would be okay. It was proving to be successful at one point until you felt some added weight on top of your lap. It was a little boy no older than four years sitting on you and staring at you intensely.
"Are you sleeping?" he asked reaching up and poking your cheek with his little fingers.
The blood pounded in your ears and your heart thudded in your chest. You couldn't move your shaky hands or your feet that felt nailed to the ground. With blurred vision you kind of just stared back at him stiffly but at the same time shaking like a leaf.
"Nathaniel! what have i told you about sitting on other peoples laps?" a distant voice called even though his mother was right next to you. The little boy looked down and stuck out his lower lip in a pitiful pout. She removed him from your lap and placed her son down on her own. "Say you're sorry right now." she said sternly in regards to you who was still trembling.
"Sorry," he muttered back pulling at a stray piece of string absentmindedly .
The unexpected trigger had successful rendered you speechless yet mobile enough to nod down at him. You had to get away. You couldn't stay near the loud lobby or the people inside of it any longer. You couldn't breathe, it felt like your chest was tightening and that your heart was pounding. There was too much of a risk of breaking down here out in the open. you were anchored to the seat and having a mental conflict.
get up, but that might attract attention to yourself. Stay here, and you would still end up drawing attention to yourself.
You took a slow deep breath, then stood up feeling the pins and needles ripple pass over your legs. You managed to round the corner in the direction of the bathroom meekly. A sharp exhale fell upon you when you finally managed to close and lock the bathroom door, you were out of sight. That was all that mattered right now.
The pain came swiftly and violently, you clutched your phone with your hands wrapped so tightly around it that your nails dug into your palms. Breathing was hard. extremely hard. It was like you forgot the basic functions of being alive. Your heartbeat was still fast enough that you thought it could stop at any moment. You cried harder and more obvious than before, your throat growing tight as nausea threatened you.
Loki, call Loki. Was the only thought that spoke the loudest in your partially numb head. So you listened to your better judgment and held back a few sobs while the line rang in anticipation of hearing his voice. But when it went to voicemail you could feel the weakness in your body more clearly. You gagged back some bile that was rising in your throat enough to manage a few words for his voicemail.
" Something happened... i'm in the bathroom, please i need you." Was all that came out with choked up coughs and tears. Crying wouldn't make you feel any better and it surely wouldn't help this panic subside any faster than it was now.
Breathe, breathe,breathe,breathe. You recited in your head sliding down the door to enter bathroom and sitting there with your back to it. You held your knees closer to your body and just repeated the word breathe until the words all slurred together. You heard your phone ring but it felt like the sound was miles away from where it really was. Even If it was Loki you wouldn't have been able to answer the phone or muster the power to pick it up. Time had to be passing because there were knocks from women demanding entrance to the bathroom periodically. You felt stuck in the same moment and the same fear wondering if it would ever pass. Did everyone outside of the door know you were panicking in here? were they all judging you for being an adult and still fearful of the dentist ? The mother you were sitting next to would blame her son for making you act so odd. And it would be all your fault because you're the adult who has problems that will never go away.
That dire realization only furthered the pain in your chest and the crying that at this point was becoming tragic. Another knock came on the door but this one was softer than the other ones had been. It was also accompanied by a male voice you so desperately craved right now.
"(Name), let me in please." he said through the heavy wooden door.
You pulled yourself up on unreliable legs and unlocked the door trying to steady yourself. Loki pulled the door open and quickly shut it behind him when he entered the bathroom you were in. After you had managed to stand as long as your body allowed you somehow you found yourself back onto the cold tile holding your knees. Loki squatted down to get to your level and inevitably sat across from you with his legs outstretched. " (Name)," he cooed softly to you and that was all it took before you scooted your way over to him and snuggled your head into his chest. Loki pulled you on his lap being careful not to move your head and cradled you carefully giving you time to stop crying. Not bothering to fill the silence until you were ready to he just rubbed your back tenderly and hushed you quietly. Successfully getting you to stop crying but you didn't want to lift your head or speak up at all.
"Breathe, you shall be okay, Breathe and remember that you have been in this place before. You have been this uncomfortable and this anxious and this scared but you survived. You can survive this too because i know who you are and how brave you are as well. I know it is painful and debilitating, but we can just sit here and it will all pass eventually. Maybe not immediately but i know earnestly it will soon. It will all fade and when it does you will look back and laugh at yourself for doubting your resilience. I understand how unbearable it all feels right now but just keep breathing. I promise these feelings will go away." he murmured into you, pressing his lips onto the top of your head .
"I can't do this, there's too many people and they'll all look at me when we leave. My normal dentist isn't here anymore and i'm too scared to see a new one. And then i freaked the hell out when a four year old touched me, i can't do this. I just really wanna go home and just be there with you and not here anymore."
"I know how tired you are but i will be by your side the entirety of it all okay? I will protect you from all the stares when we leave and i will strengthen you for your new physician. I will make sure no children touch you no matter how adorable they are. And then we can go wherever you like and i will not leave you even then understand?"
You raised your head up and Loki wiped your tear stained cheeks with his thumb looking at you lovingly.
"I'll do it...only if you're there," you whimpered looking into his warm green eyes.
"There she is," he said smiling down at you. He held your chin between his thumb and forefinger to raise it enough so he could give you a soothing kiss on the forehead.
When you got up from the position you were in you managed to stand more firmly now but quickly placed your hand in Loki's.
"I think they may have called your name, are you ready?" he said pausing just before he opened the door.
"I'm ready if you are," you replied with a smile and a light squeeze to his hand.
END
On a unrelated note xxxtentation died yesterday (if this is uploaded on time) for those of you who don't know he was a twenty year old rapper. I loved his last album and listened to it while i wrote often. its so sad to have someone that young die before he really got to live. He was trying out new genres and discovering his sound / place in the world and two people just killed him so brutally. It's just so freaking awful ya know? It baffles me to know how people are here and then they aren't the very next day. i know it's always been like that because death is death but fuck man. Life is so short and here i am complaining about being a overachieving trash can. If you're reading this all the way to the end because i know its long as heck. I LOVE YOU and you are beautiful / handsome. I love your existence and your aura/ vibe in this world. If someone makes you feel any less than amazing shoot me a dm so i can love you and cheer you up.- Eira