Author Note: This part of Drown took a really long time because I wasn't sure how Beast Boy would react really. I wanted to show some childish side of Beast Boy with some character growth he may have obtained two years after Tokyo.
update: I had the flashback in italics on tumblr and word but didnt transfer here. Sorry! Also Drown gets updated on my Tumblr first if you want to check it out.
Raven bit her lip, watching the sun slowly set at the horizon.
She wondered how many times had she sat at the Towers edge, looking at the blinding sun. She didn't know when it happened, but she slowly started seeing the Tower as her home. Raven looked back at the roof entrance door. Why did she have to royally screw up the last bit of family she had with a kiss?
A stupid and impulsive kiss.
Raven touched her lips. She almost forgot the initial kiss that started it all. The whole thing clumsy and ill aligned. All forgotten with the feverish feeling of his lips as he pressed his body against her own in that small alleyway.
The wind picked up.
Raven chanted her mantra in her head, shaking off the scene from her thoughts. This wasn't time to think about Robin. Not when those thoughts hurt the very person that was walking up the roof steps.
"Raven?"
Raven turned, looking at Beast Boy as his posture hunched over, eyes cascaded to the floor. He felt so terrified, so vulnerable.
Raven turned her attention back to the horizon. "Beast Boy, sit with me."
Raven sat at the edge of the Tower's roof, unable to turn her head back to Beast Boy. She heard his footsteps as they kicked up gravel. She watched at the corner of her eye as he sat a foot away from her.
"Beast Boy, I-" Raven started.
"Is this too weird for you?" Beast Boy interrupted her, pulling one leg to his chest. "You know the whole us thing?"
Raven bit the inside of her cheek as she turned her head at him. He wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were staring at the door. His body slightly leaned into a pounce, all too eager to escape.
"That's not what this is about." Raven reassured him.
"You called me Beast Boy. You didn't call me Gar, I thought we moved past that. I-" Beast Boy gave Raven a quick look. "You know you're hard to figure out Rae"
She never thought she would be the one to feel a slight pang of fear from something that simulated flight. She held on to the handles with a death grip, eyes shut tight as the roller coaster ran its course. She internally yelled at herself, she couldn't be afraid; if she showed fear, her powers-
Her mind stopped when she heard Beast Boy laugh through the rustle of wind and shrill of screams. Raven opened her eyes, turning her head towards the glamoured up green skinned turned pink boy to her left. Beast Boy held his hands up, laughing from the pits of his stomach. It seemed like the word seemed to stop for a moment, consumed with all his laughter.
As though he wasn't preoccupied with the rickety sound of the death trap or the ear splitting shrieks of the man two rows behind them. All that mattered was the moment, the thrill of it all. All consequences be damned.
Beast Boy turned to her with a grin ear to ear. All she could do was let go at the bar handle and give a small laugh in return.
"That was great!" Beast Boy laughed as they left the roller coaster. "Did you enjoy it?"
Raven shook her head, a small smile playing her lips "Yeah, I guess it was fun."
Beast Boy smile grew larger. "See I told you I would make it up for the whole movie thing." Beast Boy grabbed her hand. "If you like this one, you'll love the next one"
"Hey, slow down Beast-" Raven warned.
"Ah, nope. My name is Garfield remember?" Beast Boy laughed, clapping his hands over hers. "People I find special call me Gar" He tilted his head away, averting her gaze.
"Gar-" Raven started, ready to speak his full name only to be silenced with Garfield's finger on her lips.
"See? Gar sounds just right from your lips." Beast Boy gave a shy smile.
Raven clenched and un-clenched her hand at the memory.
"Maybe I am," Raven said her voice monotone, "sometimes I don't even understand myself."
Beast Boy looked at her bewildered.
"This isn't about the roller coaster, Beast Boy." Raven reassured him, pulling her hood over her head.
"So I didn't screw anything up?"Beast Boy turned to her, shifting a little closer to Raven.
Raven winced. "No, you didn't." Raven turned her body away from him. "It's me"
The words sounded heavy, and Raven waited for them to sink in. Beat Boy let out a laugh.
"Come on Raven, you are-" Beast Boy scouted a little closer, his eyes darting over to her hands. "You are Raven, you may be hard for me to figure you out, and I won't lie your powers still give me a willies but you are so-" Beast Boy grabbed her hand. "-kind and ever willing to put yourself on the line for the people you care about. Don't forget patient, so very patient." Beast Boy gave a boisterous laugh.
Beast Boy smiled. "So if you can be a little more patient with me, we can handle your powers together-"
"It isn't my powers." Raven said, giving Beast Boy a squeeze before letting go. She didn't even turn to him. "When I said: it's me, I didn't mean my powers, I meant I am the one who screwed up this time."
"Huh?" Beast Boy's nose wrinkled in confusion.
Raven let out a breath. Beast Boy was willing to work out her powers for her. Why was she going to hurt his feelings? Why was she about to break his heart? All because she was unable to drown her old feelings for Robin.
"That night at the movie theater,"Raven said, a lump forming on her chest. "When I ran away. It wasn't because you held me. "
Beast Boy stared at her intently, leg shaking in anticipation.
"There this thing me and Robin do sometimes." Raven started, feeling her words catch in her throat. "We link our pinkies together, almost like a promise; that we will always be there for each other. Pretty common for best friend's right?"
She felt a pang of jealously and her body shook, startled by the brief feeling. She didn't dare look towards Beast Boy. He was sure to wear a fake smile.
"But I just couldn't do that anymore, not after-" Raven clenched her hands around the roof rim. "I swear this was before you asked me out, before we ever got involved. I couldn't do something so meaninglessly intimate after I kissed Robin."
Beast Boy was silent. With her powers, Raven tried to sense Beast Boy's feeling. All she felt was a brick wall.
"When I ran, I thought you ran after me but Robin got to me first." Raven gave a small chuckle to the side of her that wished Beast Boy got to her first. "I got angry at Robin. I positively hated him. He stood there, stood there as though that little pinky meant nothing. That every kind word, that our-" Raven licked her lips "-kiss meant nothing. In hindsight maybe it didn't mean anything, but I was just so angry at myself. How did I get carried away? How can anyone love me? I yelled, and screamed my frustration at him that no one could ever really care about me, and next thing I know, Robin was-"
Raven stopped, the words choked up in her throat. She felt Beast Boy move closer, grabbing both her hands in his. He turned her towards him, leaning forward to peek into her hood.
"He what Raven?" He coaxed her to finish.
"Robin kissed me." Raven felt him squeeze her hand. "Robin kissed him, and I let him."
Garfield held on her harder. "He kissed you and you let him?" Garfield scrunched up his face, anger evident with his erect posture. "I thought we were— I thought I had a chance. You lead me-"
Garfield stopped.
"Heck I never know what to think with you," Garfield muttered angrily, "I thought we were doing fine."
One fang hanged as his jaw tensed. "He gave me advice about you. He was setting me up-"
Garfield raised his voice "I thought I caught your attention and Robin just swoops by and-"
Raven felt a pang of hurt.
"It isn't like that Beast Boy. I-" Raven choked down his feeling of anger. "I didn't suspect this. When this started you weren't in the picture. I thought it was over and then at the movies, I just- we just..."
Raven stayed silent, unable to say much more.
"How do you really feel about Robin?" Garfield asked, his voice barely audible.
Raven didn't answer.
Garfield asked again. "Are you in love with him?" He leaned closer.
Raven stayed silent, her hands losing grip.
"Rae?" Garfield said again, pulling her hood off.
Garfield winced, at the very sight. Raven stood there her eyes emotionless and blank as tears fell down her face.
"Your body is betraying you." Garfield whispered, wiping the tear off her cheek. "You trying to stuff your emotions down, but you're crying Rae."
Raven shook her head.
"What, you mean no?" Garfield gave a small laugh. "Come on Rae, you can tell me. Just let go."
"I-" Raven started, her nose scrunching up as more tear fell. "I thought it would be me. We connected, I never let anyone in my mind before Garfield, and-" Raven shook her head, afraid of herself and her emotions.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." Raven muttered. " God, I-I'm so foolish." Raven pulled her hand away wiping her own tears. "I'm silly aren't I? Starfire and Robin are just the power couple. They were meant to be together ever since she fell from the sky and kissed him."
"It's okay if you feel this way." Garfield said. "Does Starfire know?"
Raven nodded. "Yes, she knows about the first kiss but kind and understanding Starfire said I didn't know the difference between loves. Maybe she is right." Raven wiped the remaining tears, her face again stoic. "Robin's going to tell her about the second kiss."
"How does Robin feel about you?" Garfield asked.
"I don't know," Raven said, "It was just a mistake; we agreed that the whole thing was a mistake."
"Do you?" Garfield asked again.
Raven stared into Garfield, with his shoulders slumped, eyes wide and attentive. She had no clue what he wanted to hear. She had no clue how she even felt.
There was silence until Garfield broke it.
"Do you still feel strongly for Robin?" Garfield asked.
"I-" Raven started. It would be foolish of her to think this would be a happy ending. Think that Robin had or even once had the same feelings she has. Raven bit her cheek, no, feelings she had. Past tense, her feelings were pushed into the bottom of the ocean to drown, as soon as they arrived from Tokyo.
There was no room for jealousy, or feeling of unrequited love. She had people to save and the last remnant of a family to keep.
"Not anymore." Raven squeezed. "It's what I once felt. Robin has Starfire, and I-"
"You have me." Garfield smiled. "I mean, if you'll have me. I'm no Robin, I think green tights on green skin is a little too much."
Raven gave him a small smile. "You don't need to be Robin, Beast Boy."
Beast Boy gave a boyish grin. "That's good because I can morph into any animal but that one."
They stood silent, Beast Boy loosening his grip on Raven's hand.
"Can I-" Beast Boy licked his lips. "Can I kiss you?"
Raven winced in shock.
"I won't lie, I'm a little jealous." Beast Boy leaned forward, cupping his hand on Raven's cheek. "I want to wash away Robin's scent." Beast Boy leaned in for the kiss.
Maybe it was the scent of rose water at the tip of her tongue. The overwhelming feeling of desire that filled up all her senses but she leaned in, rose water mixing with the taste of tears.
The kiss was sweet, soft and gentle, unlike the heated and rough kiss within the alley way she shared with Robin. Garfield didn't have the scars on his lips that provided some texture. Garfield didn't have the rough callouses she became so accustomed too.
Garfield wasn't Robin.
Why did that thought hurt so much? Why was she doing this to Garfield?
Raven pulled away, pressing her forehead against Garfield's. She watched through lidded eyes how his face stretched to new volumes. He leaned in again for another kiss.
Raven pulled away.
"I can't do this to you Beast Boy."
Beast Boy looked at her shocked. His hand dropping to his lap. "What do you mean?"
"There too many things going on and-" Raven stood up, pulling her hood back on her head. "This just isn't right. I can't drag you along when this whole Robin thing is still going on. It wouldn't be right of me."
Garfield stood up. "Raven this whole thing will blow over and-"
Raven shook her head. "I don't know Garfield. Robin, Starfire and I need to figure out this mess. I can't drag someone else into this. It' already too complicated, I just-"
Raven walked to the roof exit and Beast Boy held on to her wrist.
"Raven, please don't leave. Not now" Beast Boy pleaded.
Raven pulled away, hovering herself over the roof top. "It's for your own good Garfield. Forget about me before it's too late."
Raven said, a black portal forming behind her. She phased through, disappearing without a trace.
"It's already too late." Beast Boy muttered to the empty space she left behind.
Author Note: Please don't kill me. Please tell me how I did with Beast Boy's characterization. I hope I didn't mess up his response. I was really scared writing this part. Thank you guys for all your kind replies! I am happy you enjoy the story. Sorry for all the error and typos.
As always R&R