"I really appreciated this, Jess."
He shifted the phone on his shoulder and wiggled uncomfortably. "I didn't do anything," he muttered.
"Lily's home and reading in the closets again. You did a lot."
"Whatever," he muttered. There was no point in fighting with Sasha, she always won in the end and it was never pretty.
Sasha let out a sigh. "Are you okay, Jess?"
"I'm fine," Jess answered automatically.
It wasn't enough for Sasha. "Jess."
"What?"
"The truth." She paused. "Please."
"I'm here, aren't I?" That would have to be enough of an answer for her, because that was all Jess was willing to give.
"J-jess?" Sasha's voice wavered a bit.
"What?" he asked, his voice softening.
"You know how in The Wizard of Oz-"
"Sasha!"
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I guess I should just get right to it then, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah."
Jess held his breath, waiting for the bad news, waiting to hear what had happened. Maybe there were complications with Jimmy's meds. Maybe he'd lashed out at someone and hurt them, and the person was pressing charges.
But it was worse than any of that.
"Jess, I'm pregnant."
"Can I talk to Jess?"
Rory rolled over and glanced at the Hello Kitty alarm clock Lorelai had recently bought her. "Luke? It's almost midnight."
"I know." Luke was curt, but not rough. "I just wanted to check on Jess."
Her breath caught in her throat. "He, he isn't here."
"He isn't?"
"No." Rory sat up. "When did he leave?"
"I'm not sure. He stormed out of the diner earlier and I haven't seen him since. It was around… four maybe."
"Did Lily get to California okay?" Rory was already pulling on a pair of jeans.
"Her mom called earlier, so I'm assuming she did."
Damn. Rory grabbed a pair of socks and a coat. "I know where he is. I'll make sure he's okay, alright Luke?"
"Thanks."
Rory hung up the phone and closed her eyes. Please let him be okay, she willed silently. Not just for me, but for Luke too.
ooo
Jess already had his coat on when Luke walked into the apartment. He took one look at Jess' emotionless face and the backpack beside him and knew the time had come. "Oh, hey. You leaving?"
Jess nodded. "Just hanging around to see if I'd catch you."
"Good, I'm glad you did." Luke was thankful for that. As awkward as goodbyes were, he hated not saying goodbye more. "You can stay a couple more days if you want. There's no rush."
"Gotta get back to work."
"Right, right." Luke swallowed. "Did you say goodbye to your mom?"
"Yeah, we're good." Jess gave him a half smile designed to reassure. "I gave her a cell phone number that's pretty permanent. Just got it. Left it for you on the fridge."
Luke was impressed. "Good."
"I want to pay you back." Jess said the words quickly, but carefully. "All the money."
"You don't have to."
"I want to." Jess took a deep breath. "And I appreciate it. Everything. The money, living here."
"Well, it's good to hear," Luke told him, "but I kind of knew that."
Jess gave him a wry smile. "Yeah, but in a relationship, any relationship, it's important to let the other person know you appreciate them so you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation."
Now Luke was really impressed. "I think I read that somewhere," he said with a smile.
"Yeah?"
"You're hoping for reciprocation?" Luke didn't need to hear an answer. "You got it. I'm here, Jess. I'm always here," he told him, hoping that Jess understood everything behind the words.
"Thanks."
Jess started to shake Luke's hand, but Luke knew they both needed more than that. He tugged on Jess's hand and firmly embraced him. The hug was exactly what they both needed, for comfort, for closure.
"The tie work out?" Jess asked with a smile.
"The tie was perfect."
ooo
"This is starting to become a habit." Rory sat down cross legged on the bridge behind Jess and watched his back tense.
"How did you know I was here?'
Instinct. "Lucky guess."
He still hadn't turned around. "I'm fine."
"Liar," Rory whispered.
What she saw when Jess finally turned around hit her straight in the gut.
Tears, some still streaming down his face and some long dried.
Jess Mariano was crying.
"Oh my god, Jess!" Rory moved herself closer and curled her arms around his shoulders, holding him to her chest. "What happened?"
He clutched blindly at her arms. "I can't do this. I can't handle it."
"What?" Rory whispered gently, patting his back and blinking back her own tears.
Jess pulled away and looked Rory straight in the eyes. "I'm never having kids."
"Wh-are you… huh?" Rory stared at him in confusion.
"I couldn't put a kid through what I've been through, not knowing."
Rory stared. "Not knowing what? Jess, what are you talking about?"
"Sasha's pregnant."
"Oh my god." Rory reached for Jess's hand and squeezed it. "When did-"
"She's due in April," he said stonily. "She's having a baby and she's thrilled."
Rory swallowed.
Jess swore loudly, his voice echoing in the cold night. "Why would she do this? Why would she get pregnant, knowing what she does?"
Rory stroked his arm, trying to calm him. "Maybe she wants something to remember Jimmy by. Maybe she didn't plan it. Jess, we don't know what happened."
"If I have to watch my father die, I refuse to do it again." Jess clung to her hand. "I can't watch that kid grow up, not knowing…"
Rory held his head to her chest while he cried, kissing his forehead intermittently. She didn't know what to do. In fact, she was pretty sure there wasn't anything she could do.
Except love him.