All I can do is apologise.
So the whole 'next task' thing didn't really work. I think after sitting and writing for six weeks straight during the summer, I basically lost the will to write once I got back to school. I did keep trying I promise, but it's been a slow process. I just hope it's worth reading after this. I planned for it to take about two weeks not two months nearly! Though I must say this chapter alone is about a third of the length of the whole story.
Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch is a really good complementary song for this chapter though I didn't think of it till after it was written.
Also, for those of you who have watched Masquerade, I'd like to point out that I wrote the scene outside Alaric's house before I saw it, so that idea isn't stolen. I obviously thought it was as poetic as the writers of the show did, though I like their version slightly better.
Thank you to everybody who's stayed with this from start to finish; as you may have guessed from the chapter title; this is the last chapter. (See the A/N at the end for more details.)
Elena's POV
"So where's Alaric live exactly?" I asked. I knew I was in the right area, roughly, but beyond that I was clueless.
"Pull over," he told me.
"Damon!" I objected when he reached over and took the wheel from me when I didn't comply. Reluctantly I braked as he pulled us up next to the sidewalk. I didn't even have time to turn around and scold him before he was around my side of the car and opening the door. Sighing, I undid my seatbelt and slid over to the passenger seat. "Don't smirk," I warned.
He did anyway, but only for a second before starting the car again and pulling back into the road. "You wouldn't be able to find it," he explained. Bearing that in mind I tried to pay attention as he took a left at the next junction, taking us into a small street that ended in a dead end...
"You could have just told me the next left."
... Or so I thought. He took a right at the last house and then pulled into what I thought was the driveway until he ended up continuing past the house onto a small, single-lane road that ran behind it. The road was edged on either side by the wood. I didn't let it slip that he was right; no way would I have been able to find this place.
He eventually came to a stop at a small cottage; located within the wood, it was nestled into the trees, the wood getting denser behind it. Despite the closeness of the encroaching forest, the small clearing in which the house stood was actually quite light.
"Pretty," I sighed as we got out of the car.
"Don't move," Alaric warned, standing outside the door with his stake projector thing aimed in our direction.
"I'm not Katherine. I'm Elena," I tried to convince him. It was rather uncomfortable having a weapon pointed at you.
"I killed Katherine," Damon chimed in. "She's now lying where she's supposed to have been. I'd say rest in peace, but to be honest I'd rather she didn't. That bitch deserves to rot in hell," he said forcefully to no one in particular. "Eternity doesn't seem long enough," he muttered.
"Look, if I was Katherine you'd be dead by now for being foolish enough to point that thing at me."
"She has a point. And you're still standing so... If you don't mind?" Though the look on Damon's face said that he'd better lower it even if he did mind.
"Elena!" Jenna cried, running forwards and yanking me into her grip. Over her shoulder I saw Alaric stow his weapon inside the door. "Where were you?" She asked, pulling back and starting a visual assessment. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jenna. Let's go inside; we can talk."
She didn't seem fully satisfied but went back inside nevertheless. Alaric urged me to follow and I did, stopping just inside the entryway; Damon, I thought. Alaric seemed to be debating whether to let him in or not, and just when it looked like Damon was about to say it didn't matter, Alaric surprised the both of us by saying; "come in, Damon."
Surprise etched on his face, I didn't miss the small smile that crossed his lips before his expression turned serious as he joined me inside the house. The three of us walked into the living room to where Jenna was sat waiting.
"Coffee?" Alaric asked us.
"Yes. Please," I replied. I hadn't actually had chance for breakfast this morning; coffee would have to suffice for now.
I took a seat on the small sofa opposite Jenna as Alaric headed off to the kitchen. Damon sat down beside me, sitting close so his knee touched mine. Jenna missed the action for the moment.
"Where were you last night? You weren't at Bonnie's when I woke up this morning." She looked accusing; with good right. I said way too much last night. But I was still gonna try to avoid telling her if I could.
"I was with...Stefan," I told her. I hoped Damon missed the small pause that was me struggling to say his name. I hoped Jenna didn't read too much into it either; I hadn't actually slept in his arms after all. "I heard a burglar when I was upstairs. I called Damon and Stefan," you should have said Stefan and Damon, "to help. Stefan got hurt..." Unconsciously I sneaked a peak at Damon's hand out the corner of my eye; he'd got hurt too. Though not as badly, I tried to remind myself. Slicing your hand's not really the same as a stab wound to the chest.
"So why shouldn't Bonnie have invited you in?" Her tone still held the anger and disappointment that she felt towards me for pulling a stunt like that; but the expression on her face was simply smug. She had me...and she knew it. I heard Damon sigh beside me and I could only too easily picture him rolling his eyes.
"Erm..."
"Lose the crap, Elena," she said in a way that made my lie seem even more pathetic. "I know that's not what happened."
"I didn't tell her anything, I swear," Alaric said from the doorway, holding a tray of cups and a coffee put in his hands.
"Am I the only one who's not in the know?" Jenna exclaimed. "Whatever the 'know' is."
"Erm..." Alaric said as he put the tray down and desperately tried to come up with something.
"Matt doesn't know anything," I offered unreassuringly. "Neither does Caroline."
"She would if I wanted her to," Damon muttered, his head bent towards me.
"But you three!" Jenna exclaimed, oblivious to our exchange. "And I think it's safe to assume Stefan...and Bonnie after last night."
"Jeremy and John too," I admitted, then a second later; "Damon!" I cried, turning in my seat and instinctively laying my hand on his thigh just above his knee, my other coming to rest on his shoulder. "John?" I asked, not at all wanting to know the answer. Just so long as he hadn't buried him.
"Morgue," he replied solemnly. I nodded my head once in silent acknowledgement.
"The morgue?" Jenna said in the choked voice of someone whose anger now seemed silly.
"He got more hurt than Stefan," Damon explained, sensing that I couldn't. "I'm sorry for your loss, Jenna." His eyes were focused on her for the moment, but he still entwined his hand with mine and gently squeezed. Letting me know he wasn't ignoring me.
Alaric wasn't quite as unobservant as Jenna. "Where's Stefan?" He asked us cautiously, looking accusingly at our hands; leading Jenna notice too. Here comes the fun part...
"He's somewhere..." Damon said dismissively.
"What happened?" Alaric asked. I purposefully made myself a cup of coffee and drank it in continuous sips so as to avoid speaking.
"Long story short," Damon began, when it became apparent that I wasn't going to explain anytime soon; "I kissed Elena last night and it sparked something. We've had trouble keeping away from each other since... She and Stefan had a fight. She chose me," here he smiled briefly, causing my own lips to smile around the rim of my cup; before concluding; "and then he stormed out and is probably off brooding somewhere as we speak. He's so very good at that after all."
"So you're with Damon now?" Jenna asked me, looking very much as if she wanted to laugh. "What happened to him being an ass?" Now she did chuckle slightly; unlike Alaric who was eyeing Damon as if evaluating him. I sank into the cushions, wishing they'd swallow me whole so I didn't have to deal with this right now. "I'll take that as a yes." She was smirking slightly, but it slowly disappeared as she remembered what we'd been discussing before that.
I sighed. "We have to tell her don't we?" I asked Damon reluctantly out the corner of my mouth.
"Unless you manage to come up with a decent explanation this time, yes," he told me.
Great, I thought. "You mind taking over for a while?" I asked him aloud. "You know more about the beginning of the story than I do."
"Well shouldn't we start with the big thing?"
"What big thing?" Jenna asked curiously.
"Oh you know," Damon said, his typical expression coming into play. "That I've been a vampire since 1864..."
"A vamp-?" She inquired, a look of shock and disbelief on her face. "But... Stefan – your brother... He-?"
"Stefan's a vampire too," I sighed.
"You're serious...aren't you..?" Her shock had increased, and there was now slight fear in her eyes whenever she glanced at Damon. "And this is what everyone knows about? This is what you've all been keeping from me?"
"I'm sorry, Jenna."
"Me too," Alaric said, kneeling down next to her chair and squeezing her hand.
"How do you know about all this?" She asked him softly. "Wait; you're not..?" She pulled her knees up to her chest and backed into the cushions.
"No," he said strongly, and she relaxed a little. "Isobel researched paranormal activity in this area, and in this town specifically. I didn't put much stock in it at first but when she was killed... Well, it wasn't by just anyone," he said, throwing a pointed look at Damon.
"Sorry about that, Rick," Damon said looking down from his accusing gaze, his mouth small.
"He didn't kill her exactly," Alaric said quickly, sensing Jenna's rising panic at being in such close proximity to Damon. "He turned her; which was even worse in my opinion."
"She asked me to," Damon said in defence.
"Did she ask you to sleep with her too?"
"Well, I did offer to go straight to the turning, but she insisted."
"Do you mind not talking about her like that?" I asked them quietly.
"I'm sorry," Damon said, forgetting about Alaric and remembering I was sat next to him. "But-"
"I know; 'she doesn't care about me, why should I care what people say about her?'" I summarised the gist of what Damon had been about to ask. "But she cared enough to not want this life for me. Too bad it was too late by then."
"Elena, you can't mean..?" Jenna asked anxiously.
"I don't know, Jenna," I told her honestly. I hadn't really thought about it with Stefan, and of course he'd never brought it up. But now I did think about it; did I want to turn? Probably not. If I got to spend forever with Damon though..? Maybe. It didn't help that my mind kept wanting to say Stefan, but that would change with time. And I had time.
I noticed that Damon was looking at me expectantly. Was he seriously hoping for an answer now? 'Later,' I mouthed.
"Who else is..?" Jenna asked. I'd rather hoped she wouldn't; she didn't seem ready to know about Jeremy yet. I wouldn't be if I didn't already know.
"Well, let's see there's me, Stefan, Isobel, Katherine – but I killed that bitch last night, Vicki – probably shouldn't have done that; and Pearl and Anna – they're both dead too though."
"Anna?" She looked suspicious, and scared. I'm not gonna get away with lying to her, am I? I asked myself. Nope.
"And Jeremy," I sighed. "Anna gave him some of her blood, presumably before the festivities; after John killed her last night Jeremy used it to turn."
"Jeremy?" She seemed on the edge of a breakdown. I didn't blame her. I remembered only too well how I'd felt when I found out about all this. Loving Stefan was the only thing that made it worth going through it. Hopefully she'd feel the same when it came to dealing with Jeremy. I know she can do it.
"I know how you feel, Jenna. I've been through this," I reminded her in an effort to reassure and calm. She was really stressing. "It's hard, I'm not gonna lie. But you can get through this. We're all gonna help you." Alaric and Damon gave murmurs of agreement. "You ready to know the whole story?"
She nodded mutely after a moment's thought.
"Okay."
"Do you think she'll be alright?" I asked Damon as soon as Alaric shut the door behind us. We'd spent all afternoon filling Jenna in on everything. It was probably around seven; I wasn't wearing a watch.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side. "She'll be fine," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Just give her time to wrap her head around everything. It's a lot to take in."
"I remember."
He stopped at the driver's side so I ducked out of his hold and walked round the back of the car to get in the passenger side. He was already in place, opening the door for me.
"You don't have to do that you know."
"I wasn't raised to be an ass," he said as I climbed in. "There's a gentleman in me somewhere," he finished. It shouldn't have surprised me that he was already sat in the driver's seat as he said this. I hadn't even buckled up.
"Like I said," doing my belt up now as he turned the car around in the space that was available; "you don't have to be the perfect gentleman; and I don't want you to be. I just want you to be Damon. Be what makes you different from-" I broke off, realising I'd said too much.
"Stefan," he finished. "I noticed you struggling to say it earlier."
"The feelings don't just go away, Damon! Sorry, but... I can't just forget."
"I know," he said, understandingly. "I don't expect you to. I know it's gonna take some time. I'm just happy that you're trying," he told me. I wish he'd stop looking so happy at the fact that I'd chosen him, fallen for him... Despite his reassurances that he was okay that I wasn't ready to do anything serious yet it just made me feel guilty.
"I'd be able to try a whole lot harder if I knew where he was, knew that he was okay, that he hasn't done anything stupid..." I trailed off watching the forest whipping past the window.
"You've been thinking about that a lot today haven't you? When you're quiet?" He guessed, except we both knew he was right. "You can talk to me about this. You know that right? You don't have to hide things from me," he told me. "I care what happens to him too," he said after a while.
"I'm starving," I said sometime later.
"We're almost back to the boarding house," he informed me. "I'll make you something nice."
"Could we go to the grill?" I asked. "Obviously check on Jeremy first but, I'd like to just spend a normal night out; especially after today."
"Sure," he said, understanding in his eyes. "Whatever you want. But," he said, the hint of a smirk on his lips; "you have to explain to Caroline if she's there."
I inwardly groaned at the prospect of telling Caroline I was dating Damon. "I'll text Bonnie, she if she wants to go; she can back me up." I said as my fingers clicked away on my phone.
"Or play tag team..." Damon muttered as my phone buzzed with her response.
"Oh my God!" I must have sounded worried because Damon stomped on the brake and simultaneously pulled to the side of the road.
"What is it? What's wrong?" He said looking around, on alert mode.
"Caroline, Matt and Tyler were in an accident," I explained, and he relaxed slightly, realising there was no immediate danger. He turned his attention to me sensing that I needed him. "Matt and Tyler are okay. Caroline needed surgery. She hasn't woken up yet. I have to go to the hospital," I told him.
"What about Jeremy?" He asked.
"I'll call Alaric," I thought quickly. "Maybe he could help Jenna get used to him..."
"Give me the phone," he said. "Elena," he started to explain, after I looked at him and silently communicated my question of 'why?' "You look like you're about one more incident away from a breakdown; and I wouldn't blame you. I mean, there's John, John again, a big heaping of Katherine, equally big helping of Jeremy – maybe even more, and then there's me and Stefan to top things off nicely. And now Caroline? All this in the space of 24 hours? I've known stronger people crumble under less," he finished.
"Who?" I asked to distract myself. He was right; I could feel it. I'd somehow gotten this far, but I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to hold out. Also when he'd said it, it sounded like he'd been referring to someone, rather than just being general; I was curious.
"Me," he admitted after a moment's consideration. Sighing he turned in his seat to face me. "Last night...when you called... I've never been so scared in my existence. You sounded so... I forgot everything; nothing else mattered. I forgot that I was mad at you, I didn't care that you were with Stefan and I shouldn't have cared that much, I couldn't think about anything but getting to you and getting rid of the terror that was in your voice. I seemed calm, right? When I got you? I seemed like my normal self; I wasn't," he told me. "Relief. Relief so strong it felt like I could feel my heart again."
I didn't know what to say to that; so I didn't say anything. Undoing my seatbelt, I brought my legs up so I was knelt on the seat facing him. Leaning forwards, I placed my hands on either side of his face as I brought my lips to his. He kissed back of course, but let me lead for the most part. It was a slow kiss, sensual and smouldering, warming me up and melting me from the outside in and the inside out, so that when they met it seemed to sizzle beneath my skin.
We were both panting when I pulled back. "What was that for?" He asked; the breath he could get ghosting across my lips; I hadn't pulled back that far.
"Kind of a thank you, I guess," I told him, sitting back in my seat. "Is there a way of saying 'I'm flattered' without it sounding like; 'yeah, but I don't feel the same and probably never will.'"
"Not really," he replied. "But after that kiss I have a hard time believing that you don't feel something pretty strong."
"It's getting stronger," I told him. "I never thought it would, especially when I first met you, but it is," I assured him. "It's a good thing," I said, after noticing him decide against asking me. At least I assumed that had been his question.
"Glad you think so," he said lightly, but the small smile on his lips was genuine. "Do we have a destination?" He asked, changing the subject and indicating the road.
I knew it was likely that going to the hospital, seeing Matt and Caroline, would be the last shove I needed. Bonnie knew about them though, I remembered; maybe she's there. She can be the comforting friend. If I was honest to the degree of being selfish, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget all the bad things from the last two days in a peaceful night of dreamless sleeping. Wrapped in Damon's comforting hold; somehow I doubted that, like last night, I would manage to sleep without it.
"Let's go home," I sighed. I rested my head on his shoulder after he'd pulled out again, closing my eyes...
I woke later to the faint glow of lamplight, visible from where my head lay against Damon's chest. "Hey, sleepyhead," he said as I groggily sat up and rubbed my eyes. "It's just after eleven, and Jeremy's fine before you ask." He told me, sitting up too. He knows me well, I thought. "You still hungry?"
As if on cue my stomach grumbled loudly. "I think that's a yes," I said chuckling slightly. Then it hit me where we were; in his room, on his bed, and I was with him now, not Stefan. My stomach began to feel uncomfortable for a reason besides hunger, and I realised I was nervous. Nervous in the cute way you're supposed to be; that I wasn't when I was with Stefan for the first time.
Damon didn't seem to notice this though, as he stood up and held his hand out to me. "Let's go get you something then." I put my feelings behind me as got up and took his hand.
I woke the next morning feeling surprisingly relaxed after yesterday. Then again I'd basically fallen asleep again at the dinner table last night. I'd felt bad; Damon was a surprisingly good cook; I only managed to eat about half before my head started drooping into my plate.
Damon had carried my back upstairs to bed – despite my protests. He'd even tucked me in before lying on top of the covers next to me. He told me he was staying up to keep an eye on Jeremy when I asked. I'd meant to roll over and lay half-on top of him so he would have to stay all night, but I'd fallen asleep before I'd gotten that far.
He was here though so maybe he stayed of his own accord. I smiled when I saw he'd put a clock on the bedside table and I sat up a little so I could read it properly. It was after nine.
"I would have woken you sooner, but I figured you wouldn't want to go to school today," Damon said.
"I hadn't even thought about school," I said aloud. In my head I was going; 'it's Monday?' It didn't seem as if all the events could possibly have fitted into two days. "But yes; I don't want to go," I told him. "I have too much to deal with here. I'm not gonna waste my time sitting in school. Missing one days not gonna kill me." I sat up and ran a hand through my hair, the other rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Breakfast?"
"Home?" I countered. "I could do with clothes...and a shower."
"Sure."
"You realise you're not showering with me, right?" I said at the bottom of the stairs.
I saw his foot retreat a fraction from the bottom stair. "Of course. I'll go tidy the kitchen shall I? I didn't really do much the last time," he said. "It's pretty messy."
"Take your time, I plan on being a while," I told him, beginning to climb the stairs.
And I succeeded in said plan. I spent a solid ten minutes just stood under the spray, trying to relax my muscles as I let the water wash everything away; everything except Stefan it seems. He was the one thing I couldn't seem to get rid of. No matter how hard I scrubbed, or how many times I shampooed. I gave up in the end and shut the water off.
It was nearly an hour later when I turned the hairdryer off and took a look at the result in the mirror. After my parents death, I'd hoped to get back to the happier, 'fun' Elena, I'd been before the accident. I looked at my tired eyes, the shadows underneath them standing out against my cheeks – they were paler than usual. My mouth hung open slightly as if I didn't have the will to hold it shut. I was exhausted. I realised that as I studied my reflection. I felt it too.
Damon had spotted all this yesterday, I realised; had I really looked this bad? I hoped not. But I'd only been covering the mental exhaustion; not the physical. I grabbed my make-up bag; that can soon change. Then I noticed my wardrobe choice; dull, boring coloured tee shirt, old worn jeans. Maybe I should change that too...
I finally appeared downstairs with my hair pulled back into a comfortable pony tail, my face had been concealed and blushed; I'd replaced my former attire with a bright red shirt and relatively new, indigo jeans.
My nose caught the scent of freshly brewed coffee and my body gravitated towards the kitchen before my mind had a chance to catch up and correct it. It caught up after I'd stepped over the threshold. My eyes went to three distinct places in the room. My thoughts were going; John. Katherine. Stefan. Loss, fear and relief, and then something else which I couldn't even describe.
"Elena?" Damon was in front of me, his hands on either side of my face, he looked nervous.
When did my breathing get so fast? When did I start struggling to breathe? Is there an earthquake? My vision was shaking; probably due to the small tremors running through my body; when did those start? I felt a small relief when my vision began to turn blurry; I just hopped Damon managed to catch me before I hit the floor.
"Wha... Whrm I?" My eyes and voice were both heavy with sleep and the after-effects of passing out.
"Shh," Damon's hand was on my shoulder, gently pushing me back down into something soft; I realised I must be in bed. But I wasn't sure on whose. "I should have realised letting you go home was a bad idea. I'm going to have to insist that you stay here for a while." His bed then. "At least your mind's trying to protect itself," he said.
"I...I Just- Saw John. And Blood. And Katherine. Stefan." I wasn't making much sense.
"I noticed," he sighed. "It just seemed to hit you. You started to hyperventilate, you were shaking... When you fell to the floor in my arms... You look so much like Katherine. I could see you breathing and still... I've never loved anyone as much as you; not even Katherine. You scared me," he said honestly.
I smiled. I remembered only too well how he'd been after he'd found out she didn't care about him. You have to be in love to have your heart broken that thoroughly. The fact that he loved me more than that...
"How long was I out?" I asked him, still with a smile on my face.
"Let me put it this way," he said. "Would you like sandwiches with your afternoon tea?"
"Afternoon?" I moved to sit up and this time he let me, presumably satisfied that I could do so without getting dizzy again. "Um...no. I think I'm gonna go for a walk, clear my head. I might have something when I get back though."
"Would you like company?"
"Would you mind terribly if I went alone..?" I asked cautiously, trying to gage his reaction. There was some hurt, but mostly worry. "I promise to take my phone and have it on at all times," I told him. "And I won't go far. Up to the falls or the lake maybe? And I'm not telling you that so you can sneak up there and keep an eye on me from between the trees," I warned him. "I need five minutes to myself without vampires; even the good ones."
It felt good to be outside; the sun on my face the breeze in my hair... The images of the last two days going round and round in my head. Well I came here to clear my head, that means dealing with everything that I previously shoved away because I had something else to deal with at the time.
Where to start? Though I knew I'd have to do it eventually, I wasn't ready to deal with Stefan yet. I figured I'd start with John and then move onto Katherine and see where I went from there.
John took longer than I thought he would. I thought there would just be the issue of Katherine killing him; did I care? Was I grieving? Did I wish it hadn't happened? I did care, though I didn't think I was grieving exactly. And of course I wished it hadn't happened. I didn't exactly like the man but I'd never wish that death on him. Then I started thinking about other things. How did I feel about him now? Did he still feel like and uncle to me? Or would I only ever be able to think of him as my biological father from now on? Mostly I just felt regret; I felt regret that I'd never got to know my real father, that I'd never cared enough to make the effort. I regretted finding out the way I had, and letting him know like I did. We'd never even had chance to discuss it...
We never had the chance to discuss anything because Katherine took him away. This time I could honestly say that I was relieved she was gone. Things would have gotten bad very quickly if Damon hadn't killed her. It was good not to have to worry where she was all the time, what she was up to, what she was planning...
I glanced up now and again – more out of habit than a desire to take in the scenery – but Damon wasn't in sight, and neither was anything else. Gone was the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was always being watched by someone, or something would probably be more accurate.
I was just starting to relax when I happened to look up and notice where my feet had taken me; a small clearing, by the edge of the lake. I'd walked here before on two occasions; once with Jeremy, when I told him I was adopted, and the other time, I'd been in this exact location, trying to convince Stefan that he shouldn't end it...
"Elena?" Why is he surprised to see me? I thought. I told him where I was going. And I also told him...
"Damon, I told you not to follow-" I said whilst turning around. But it wasn't Damon that was stood behind me. "Stefan?" All the air seemed to whoosh out of my lungs. I couldn't think of anything else to say, I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.
"Elena," he sighed. "I didn't think you'd be here..."
"I was walking- Where did you go? Yesterday morning." Was it really only yesterday? "You left."
"I needed to... I didn't think you'd appreciate me doing anything rash," he said. "Sorry if I worried you." I could hear the quotation marks.
"Stefan, I still care what happens to you. That's never going to change, I promise." He seemed to believe me, I saw as the hostility went out of his eyes.
"I know; I shouldn't have, I'm sorry. It's Damon I'm- Except I can't seem to be mad at him either," he told me. "These things happen. I always knew it was possible...especially when you two got closer," he sighed. "In response to your question; yesterday I imagine I was doing the same thing you came up here to do. Clearing my head as it were," he said.
"There's a lot to clean out..." I agreed.
"Including me?"
I nodded. "Everything happened so quickly. It's Monday! This only started Saturday night... It seemed like I did everything yesterday. Dealing with Jeremy, everything with you, then I had to explain to Jenna..." I trailed off. "I'm exhausted."
"You look it," he told me, in the nice way though. The way he used to. Then he'd stroke my hair and tell me to go to bed early and that he'd be there when the sun came up...
"I mean," I said, dragging myself out of my reverie, "Caroline's in the hospital! And I haven't even gotten round to visiting her yet. I was gonna go last night," I told him. "But Damon said that if I did anything else I would probably suffer some sort of breakdown. He was probably right. I passed out when I went home this morning-"
"Tell me what happened?" He asked, cutting me off. He gestured to the rotting remnants of some old shack. I followed him over and sat down, before proceeding to tell him everything that had happened in his absence.
"Wow," was all he had to say. It felt like I'd talked enough to be telling him about the previous week, rather than the previous day.
"So, what about you? Clearing your head?" I inquired. "I mean the last time you did that you came here and thought about-" I watched in shock as the tiniest hint of guilt slipped over his features and settled in his eyes. "No!" I yelled. "No, don't you dare, Stefan."
"Why not?" he asked me.
"Because I love you," I told him, my eyes starting to fill. "In the exact same way as before. Those kinds of feelings don't just disappear within the space of a day," I admitted. "You can't do this, Stefan. You managed to go on when Katherine was gone; couldn't you try to do the same now?"
"No," he replied. "See when Katherine was gone, I began to realise that I'd never really loved her, that it had been a lie. With you," he sighed. "I'm always going to be in love with you, Elena. And that's always going to be true." He paused. "And it's always going to hurt this much. And there are two options to solve that problem; blood, or death."
"And you prefer death?" I shouted, my voice rising an octave.
"I prefer," he said, his voice calm, "saving all of us from the pain my presence will cause if I stay here – on blood. Because we both know that's the only other option."
"And what's my option? Let you do this then go home to Damon and forget about you."
"You'll be happier with Damon," he told me. "He's the 'better, hotter, superior choice' as he put it. He'll take care of you... He'd better take care of you," he threatened under his breath.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I left you both a letter," he replied. "They're on my desk. I figured you'd find them eventually, after you'd had chance to get over everything, then it wouldn't hurt-"
"You weren't even going to say goodbye?" My voice broke on the 'bye.'
"If I did, I knew I'd be less inclined to come up here and do what I have to. I knew I'd want to stay and try and win you back," he told me.
"Why don't you?" I challenged.
"Because I wouldn't win," he said. "And I can't just be your friend, Elena."
"I'd rather have you in my life – on blood – as a friend then not have you in my life at all. Couldn't you just..."
"Leave?" He guessed. "I'd always be drawn back to you. Always showing up when you weren't prepared. I'd forever be a black cloud in your sky," he said. "I couldn't do that to you. I know what it feels like; Damon did it to me for over a century. We're brothers after all. I'd be able to do it just as well, and I know I would."
"But you can do this?" I asked him. "Even though it'll break my heart...and Damon's. He cares about you too," I told him, "whether you believe it or not."
"I believe it," he told me. "But you have to understand that I'm doing this to make you happy," he said. "In the long run;" he had to raise his voice to be heard over my protests of 'that in no way whatsoever would him doing this make me happy.' "In the long run, the both of you will have a better and happier life if I'm not in it."
"Please, Stefan," I said, close to tears. "I am begging you not to do this."
"There's no reason for me not to."
"Yes there is," I told him, taking his face in my hands. "Me." And right then I felt it again, that spark that had drawn me to Stefan since I'd first met him, the one that had made me fall in love with him despite everything. I hadn't been lying; it was still there. "You have to fight."
Just as I was about to lean forwards, I felt Stefan's lips crash against mine. It was as good as I remembered it, but there was something more... Why did I have to learn he could kiss like Damon now? This was passion like I'd never known with Stefan before.
His hands were knotted in my hair, holding me to his lips, not that I wanted to go anywhere. His tongue was vastly dominating mine, and I let it. I loved the feel of him tasting me this way. There was a fierce hunger in the way that he kissed me, it was almost a desperate devouring of my mouth. Why now, did he finally show this side of him? This wild, passionate person that could forget to be serious and just live in the moment was definitely a Stefan that I would be interested in knowing.
I broke apart, my lungs screaming for oxygen. My hands had clung onto his neck during our kiss, so I moved then down to his rib cage, winding my arms around him and resting my head on his shoulder. His detangled themselves from my hair, and wrapped round my shoulders like they always did. "Does this mean you're going to fight?" I asked him, my voice still breathless.
He was panting too. I could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest under mine. "No," he sighed, his voice wavered slightly. He's still going to, I realised. I tried to move but his grip around he was strong as a vice. "That was saying goodbye."
"Stefan." The tears were falling freely due to my panic. He loosened his grip on me and I pulled back so I could see his face, my hands resting on his cheeks.
"I love you, Elena."
"I love you too, Stefan." I tried to rid my eyes of tears so my last vision – and I accepted that this was the last time I would see him, it seemed his mind way made, no matter how much I despised the decision – of him wouldn't be blurry. I saw that he was crying too.
He moved his arms from my shoulders and pressed his left hand to where my right lay against his cheek. He turned his mouth to the side and kissed my palm before tearing my hand away and holding it between us; palm up. His right had come around and the sun reflected off the silver. In that moment I hated the sunlight.
"I want you to have this," he told me, indicating his ring. "You should close your eyes," he said. I nodded, taking one last look at the face I would never see again; trying to hold it in my memory. I wanted this moment to last forever. I didn't want to experience what was coming next; I didn't want to see. So I kissed his lips one more time and closed my eyes.
If it hurt, he didn't let me know. There was a soft breeze, a whisper in the wind... I felt his ring land in my palm, still held in front of me where he had placed it. I didn't open my eyes though. My body knew he was gone, felt the heavy silver and lapis in my hand, sensed the empty space in front of me. But in my mind... I could still see him sat there, still here his words; "I love you, Elena."
"I love you, Stefan," I whispered. Then I opened my eyes and my tears blinded me as they flooded my eyes and crashed to the dusty wood below.
I'm not sure how I managed to find my way back to the boarding house. My eyes were so puffy from crying that they felt swollen, and it was hard to open them much further than a slit. They stung too, but I didn't mind that. I was clinging on with my life to anything that might distract me.
He's gone…
The words echoed round and round in my mind. I knew it was true, my body knew that, but my mind refused to accept it, refused to try and picture the rest of my life without Stefan in it.
The door loomed up in front of me suddenly, and I wasn't ready to face what lay inside. I found myself turning around and beginning to walk the other way. I didn't want to be the one to inflict this on Damon.
Damn his hearing, I thought as I heard the door open behind me, and him take a step out onto the porch. I didn't turn around; I knew my face would give everything away, and he'd make a fuss and be 100% focused on making me feel better and I'd be looking at his face, his expression always so strong and reassuring even during a crisis, knowing that my words could be the thing that finally makes it crumble. Unfortunately, my blatantly looking the other way was also suspicious.
I cleared my throat, not that I thought that would get rid of the clamp that was around it or make my voice sound like I hadn't been crying for the last hour or so. "Inside; sit down," I told him. "I'm coming, just give me a minute."
"Elena?" Oh, it's Jeremy. "Is something wrong..? You sound kinda-"
"Where's Damon?" I asked, cutting him off.
"Here," Damon replied. I prayed he would stay over there and not walk over to me. "Are you going to turn around and come inside?" He asked. "Oh, and telling me what's wrong would be good to."
"Like I said," I told him, trying to keep my voice level; "just give me a minute, please? Just go inside and sit down. You can count the seconds if you like."
"Elena..?"
"Please, Damon."
"Okay." I didn't move till I could no longer hear his footsteps – meaning they'd hit the carpet – and heard the click of the door as he shut it behind him.
My eye's wouldn't return to normal within the space of a minute, but I still worked on clearing my throat some more and wiping the tear tracks from my cheeks. I also accepted that I wouldn't be able to breathe right for a while, so I focused to make sure I breathed at all. I felt like giving up.
I heard the squeak of a chair on the floor and guessed my minute was up and Damon was getting impatient. I too one more breath, filling my lungs to capacity, then turned and walked purposefully towards the door as I let it out.
Damon was stood at the top of the stairs that dropped down into the parlor. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw him roll his eyes at me. Normally I might have been confused, but I didn't have room for other emotions at the minute. Thankfully he explained for me.
"Really, Elena?" He said. "Just because you had an allergic reaction to something doesn't mean I find you any less beautiful. It's not even that bad," he said as he walked over to me. "It looks more like you've been crying really. A lo-" He paused. "Have you been crying?"
"You need to sit down," I told him. And without a word started walking towards the sitting room. I sat on one of the sofas and he sat beside me.
"Okay," he said calmly, trying to hide the worry in his voice. "I'm sat down. Are you going to talk to me now? What the hell made you cry this much?"
I opened my mouth to start and explain, but I couldn't talk. Saying something aloud always made it more final, and I wasn't ready to accept this yet. I needed more time to digest it. So I took his hand, and dropped Stefan's ring into it, hopping he'd come to it on his own.
He stared at it for a few minutes in silence. I could almost imagine what was going through his head. Worry; I'd met Stefan alone in the woods, and Damon had no idea what kind of mood he was in and what he was capable of now; he'd shown us both a side we'd never seen before during that fight. Confusion; why did I have his ring? Why would he give it to me? Has he left town? What happened between us? And lastly; revelation – the realization of what this meant. He glanced to the window; saw the sunlight streaming in… His right hand came up and he examined his own ring; the twin of the one in his other hand. He looked beseechingly up into my face. "Elena?" His voice broke, so vulnerable was the way he said my name. He was silently begging me to correct him; but I couldn't do that.
I nodded, tears starting to fall from my eyes again; I was surprised they hadn't ran out by now… He drew in a ragged breath, his teeth gritted, and his eyes shining… He's trying not to cry. Damon Salvatore – the Damon Salvatore – was trying not to cry…and failing. His fingers reached up to touch the tears as if he couldn't believe it either. I wiped away the ones he missed.
"Upstairs," I told him. "He…he left- A letter. On his desk." That was all I managed to tell him before my voice came unrecognizable as sobs of heartache drew their way up my throat and out my mouth. Damon's arms came around me, and then I was crying because they held me the same way.
Happier in the long run... The words popped into my head like a slap in the face. I didn't feel like I'd ever be happy again. How could I be happy when I would never see him again? I missed him so much it was like a physical pain in my chest that no amount of comforting by Damon would ever be able to fully take away. This pain was gonna be a part of me for the rest of my life. Did I want that life? As one of Damon's tears landed in my hair I realized I wouldn't be alone in that pain and I held onto him a little tighter.
We were interrupted by the sudden sound of my phone ringing. I heard Damon mutter for me to leave it, but the only time anybody rang me these days was when there was an emergency. And wouldn't it just be the icing on the cake for something to be wrong now.
I looked at the caller ID; it was Jenna. "Jenna, what is it?" I asked, trying to inject some life into my voice and at the same time hide the croakiness that always gave away that you'd been crying your heart out.
"It's John," she said. She sounded nervous. Maybe the morgue was making her un-easy... At least I assumed that was where she was.
"What about John?" I asked.
Damon mouthed, 'what's going on?' I mouthed, 'John,' as my reply.
"He's not here," Jenna said in my ear. She sounded scared...
And so was I. The phone dropped out of my shaking hand. "John's not at the morgue," I managed to tell Damon. "Katherine wouldn't..."
"Katherine did."
Anyone cry reading the scene with Stefan? I was struggling to see when I was typing it. I kept having to stop, then I'd go back, write a sentence or two and I'd be welling up again. I couldn't stop crying during those last few sentences it took me about twenty minutes to write it.
There will be a long one shot set after this, and I mean directly after this, to deal with the whole 'John' thing, then they'll be another sequel someday, maybe set a year later or something like that, so add me to your Author Alert if you're interested. It will probably see Elena living a happy life with Damon and Jeremy tagging along; with some drama of course. Life's not all fun and games after all.
In case any of you are wondering what Stefan wrote in his letters to Damon and Elena, for now, I don't actually know. I'm going to include Elena's, at least, in the sequel. But if you request it, I'll send you the contents when I write it.
My first finished fan fic! Sorry, but that's a big achievement for me.
Again, thank you to those who have read from start to finish; that means a lot to me.
If you would be so inclined; could you please leave one last review?
Thanks, Ash x.