The letters are too painful. James can't read them. He isn't sure what to do, and Kendall says he should just relax and enjoy the holiday season. The blond has decided that they should get some sort of Christmas tree.

"This is cute," Kendall says. They're at an uppity grocery store looking at holiday decorations. There is a one foot tall tree that comes with tiny LED lights and ornaments. "What d'you think?"

"It's not bad for my first time, I guess?" James says. "I'm not exactly a Christmas tree expert." He laughs.

"Okay, I think I'll buy it," Kendall agrees. He takes a nice looking one and goes to check out. James stays behind and looks at the other plants they're selling; an assortment of miniature evergreens but also ornamental ivy, rosemary and a few funny looking flowering plants that James honestly has never heard of before. Kendall comes back from the register with their new tree. "Wanna go set it up?"

When they get back home, Lucy and the other tenants are in the living room chatting quietly. Kendall sticks his head through the foyer, waving, and says "Hey guys! How's it going?" Lucy glares at him. "What's up?"

"You gotta be out by the end of the month," she says sharply.

"What?!" Kendall gasps. He almost drops the small tree. "Why?!"

"We all do," says Scott. "Landlord just called and told us. He's selling the joint."

"Ohh shit," Kendall curses. "Are you kidding?"

"No," Lucy says in a strangely mean tone. She keeps her eyes fixed on Kendall, and when James pops his head around the corner to see everyone she looks even angrier.

"Uh," Kendall says quietly. "James, let's keep going." They move away and head up to the loft. Kendall puts the tree on the ground lazily and flops face down on his cot.

"What did they say?" James asks.

"I gotta leave," Kendall groans. "We're getting kicked out and Lucy is being a bitch."

"Huh?"

"Owner is selling this place. We gotta leave."

"Where are you going to go?" James asks, wrinkling his forehead up in concern. He sits down beside Kendall on the bed and strokes his lean back.

"I don't know yet," Kendall sighs. "I'll start looking around."

James whines sadly. He lays his head down on Kendall's back and keeps petting him. "We've been so unlucky lately," he whispers.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Kendall agrees. "Mugged, our rabbi friend dies, your parents suck, now this."

"What are we going to do?" James asks in a tender whisper.

"Dunno," Kendall sighs. "Starting to think maybe the city isn't what I was expecting."

"How do you mean?"

Kendall turns over slowly and lets James rest on his chest. He takes him in his arms, somehow. "When I left Kansas, I had this wicked idea that the city would be some cool place to hang out and make friends. Figured it'd be mellow and people would love me. But all I get is the shit kicked out of me."

"Sorry," James says. "New York is a rough place."

"I find this out now," Kendall groans. He stares up at the ceiling and frowns, exhaling heavily. "I'm bad at making decisions."

"Why do you say that?"

"Sometimes I move too quickly. Get a crazy idea in my head all of the sudden then follow it on a whim. It seems cool at first but then it ends up being shitty."

"When else has this happened?" James asks quietly.

"Dating Logan."

"I thought you enjoyed that?"

"I did, but like I said, we worked better as friends. Seems silly to be friends, then date, then step back on everything and ultimately end where you started, right? We shouldn't have done that."

"Oh," James says. He crumples up the collar of Kendall's shirt and makes a sad whimper.

"What?" Kendall asks.

"Well…what about me?"

"What about you?"

James's eyes flicker sadly. "Was meeting me a bad choice?"

Kendall smiles. "No," he says quite confidently. "It wasn't. I s'pose there's a first time for everything, right?"

"Mhmm."

The blond does his best to pull James up to his face and their lips meet for a soft kiss. Their mouths are closed but it's full of love for each other.

"I got real lucky when I found you," Kendall whispers.

"Me, too," James responds. "You're the only good thing that's ever happened to me."

"I'm glad," Kendall says with a smile. "Hey so, even though today has turned out to be shit, do you want to decorate the tree?"

James nods. They get off of the cot and go to set up the little evergreen. It's wrapped up nicely. Kendall takes it out of the cellophane and puts it on his nightstand. "Here is good, right?"

"I guess," James says. "Where do they normally go?"

"Well, normally they're way bigger. Back home our tree is like 6 feet tall! We stick it somewhere in the middle of the living room."

"Woah, big tree."

"Yep! It looks awesome. Way nicer than this guy but hey, he'll do, right?" Kendall smirks and starts to take out all of the accessories. He hands half of the ornaments to James. "Just hang them like this," he says, demonstrating the proper technique. James nods and starts to stick them on.

"So what is the tree all about?" James asks.

"Uhh, not sure what the whole religious aspect of it is, but I know going way far back it was a pagan thing."

"Pagan, huh?"

"Yeah. Basically all Christian holidays are based on pagan things."

"Neat."

"It's cool how things evolve over time." Kendall strings the tiny lights around the tree in a spiral and plugs them in. "Ready?" James nods and then he flips them on. They're multicolored and sparkle brightly. James's face lights up when he sees it.

"It's beautiful."

"It sorta is, isn't it?" Kendall smiles. "All things considered, I think this will be a nice Christmas."

The next day brings shopping. Kendall drops the hint when he leaves for his guitar playing by saying, "So I can't have you come with me, because I have certain surprise things to do."

"I get it," James says with a smile.

"Maybe it's a good day for you to do certain surprise things too, hm?"

"Maaaaybe," the brunet winks.

"Heh okay, well I'll be home later." Kendall gives James a quick kiss on the cheek before he leaves him alone in the loft. He goes downstairs and unfortunately runs into Lucy on his way out. "Oh hey, you're leaving for work late today," he says, trying to be amicable.

"Yes," Lucy says stiffly.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kendall asks smoothly.

"Nothing," Lucy yips. She crouches down and puts her shoes on in a huff.

"Just the other day you were all cool and giving me makeup and stuff. Now you won't even look at me."

"People change," the girls says. Kendall stands by her awkwardly, carrying his guitar in one hand and the other shoved in his pocket.

"Okay, but it's weird," he says.

All of the sudden, Lucy stands up and gets in Kendall's face. Her eyebrows are furrowed and she snaps in an angry whisper, "I didn't know you were gay!" and walks out the door quickly.

"Ohh," Kendall says, even though she's run out of earshot. There's not much he can do, so he shrugs it off and makes his way downtown to start playing.

On the bus he feels sort of sad. Lucy probably thought she had a chance with him, but when he came home with James it shattered all of those hopes. It must have hurt her. Maybe he could do something nice for her to make it up to her? At least partially. Does Lucy have a Christmas Miracle she's been dreaming of?

After several hours of guitar playing and about $120 later, Kendall pokes around town to find something nice for James. What does he want? What does he need? He looks in a few storefront windows for inspiration. A nice jacket? No, he has plenty of clothes and his taste is far too precise for Kendall to emulate it correctly. Cologne? Kendall doesn't know what he wears; James would be better at picking it out himself. He could possibly get him something naughty, but that might be better for Valentine's day or so. Christmas should be more emotionally rewarding.

Kendall carries his guitar by his side as he strolls along the storefronts. Holiday shoppers as well as tourists flood the area with all sorts of chatter and noise. He is alone in his own little world, trying to figure out what would make James happy. It's hard. James needs his own Christmas Miracle, but what would it be? Freedom or acceptance?

He starts to feel sad. They have been terribly unlucky as of late and he really, really wants to turn things around for James. It's completely unfair that such a wonderful and beautiful person would have to endure this kind of hardship. What the hell is wrong with his father? Even in the end, Rabbi Berkovic started to come around. Kendall closes his eyes and hears the late man's voice in his head.

"Then be that support system for him."

All things considered, the rabbi was in fact a wonderful person. Kendall is confident that if he had lived longer, he would have inevitably sided with James and supported his lifestyle. He loved all people, regardless of their expression. That was obvious. Yes, his faith was very important to him, but he still looked at the world with an objective eye. Unlike James's father, there was room for flexibility in his set of beliefs.

Just then, Kendall goes past a store that catches his eye. He always misses it entirely but takes a few steps back when he sees what's in the window. It's a jewelry store that specializes in engravings, and on display in the middle are a bunch of different sparkling necklaces. What Kendall finds appealing is the star of David, suspended on a long chain. He goes inside the store and takes a closer look at it.

The necklace pendant is a solid piece of silver with no faceted stones; just the smooth surface cut into a six-point star. The back can be engraved.

He hasn't given up on Judaism entirely, right? Kendall thinks to himself. He'll come home to it one day. He's even said that he loves the religion.

Yes, it's perfect. Although the price is a bit steep and will certainly set Kendall back, he purchases the pendant and has it giftwrapped there. It's not exactly the most typical Christmas present, but if James turns his back on the religion his ultimately loves, he'll regret it one day. Kendall puts the box into his inner coat pocket and heads home triumphantly.

As he waits for the bus, he notices that it's about to snow some more. The air has that crisp scent of precipitation and despite the chatter of the city, it feels quieter. The sun will set soon and Kendall stares up at the sky. He contemplates what will happen to him. Maybe there will be another place to rent. There must be. It's a huge city. Tomorrow he will look at classified ads for rooms and hopefully grab one up real soon.

"Excuse me young man," an older woman's voice interrupts his thought process. "Do you have the time?"

"Oh. Yeah, sure." Kendall looks down at the woman and smiles, then takes out his phone to check the time. "Quarter to six."

"Thank you very much." She nods and turns away.

"No problem." Kendall smiles when he considers how there are actually a few people in the city that are nice. He watches the woman teeter away, still holding his phone in his hands. Maybe there is some beauty left in the world after all. His bus approaches and he goes to grab his guitar, but it's gone.

"SHIT!" Kendall screams when he comes home to James, who has been napping. He's seething with rage. "WHY THE FUCK DID I LET GO OF IT!"

"Not so loud," James groans.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just…ah…" Kendall collapses on the bed and puts his face into his palms. "That was my guitar. My old guitar that my dad gave me. It's not even worth much money, but…shit…shit! How am I gonna make money now?"

James looks up at Kendall sadly. "I don't know," he says quietly.

"No offense James, but FUCK THIS CITY!" Kendall grabs at his own hair and screams. "I get mugged. I get beat up. They steal my living. My fucking living. This is a fucking shit hole and I can't fucking stand it. I'm sorry, I gotta go. I gotta use my last money up and get the fuck out of here. I'm going home."

Kendall starts to cry. Tears of both sadness and frustration fall to the floor, one after the other. James sits up and gives Kendall a hug, but it doesn't do much good.

"Are you going with me like you said?" Kendall asks stiffly.

"Yeah, I will," James tells him, followed by a kiss on the cheek. "You're right. The city is a shit hole. We deserve better."

"I hate this," Kendall groans. "I fucking hate this."

Airfare is too expensive before Christmas, so they wait until after the holiday. That gives them the chance to at least celebrate before they leave. It's a sad, grumpy Christmas, but Kendall wants to give James the experience anyway. Kendall has never had such a wimpy Christmas. Back home it was always a big deal. Nothing overwhelming but still busy and fun with lots of people, laughter and food. The smell of his mom in the kitchen making Christmas dinner was always amazing, not to mention pastries and cocoa in the morning. But not this time; at least he had James to keep him company.

The boys wake up early and Kendall plugs in the tree. "There," he says quiet plainly. "Here's the tree. Now we can open presents now or later. What d'you think?"

"Now," James says, smiling. He pulls something out from under the cot and hands it to Kendall. It's a fairly large box and it's been wrapped real nice.

"Ohh," Kendall coos. "Thank you." He takes his present to James and puts it in his hands. "I hope you like it."

They open the gifts simultaneously, but James is the first to react. "Oooo!" he hoots as he looks the jewelry over. "It's gorgeous. I love it." He leans forward and kisses Kendall on the lips.

"I don't want you to forget where you came from," Kendall tells him quietly. "I know you're angry at your family now, but you're still Jewish and you want to hold onto it."

"Yes, you're right," James says. He puts the necklace around his neck and smiles. "How does it look?"

"Amazing," Kendall says. Kisses him once on each cheek then looks down at his present. Beneath the wrapping is an unmarked box, which seems to have clothing on the inside. He pulls up the lid and reveals a dark sweater. "Ohh. What's this?"

"Cashmere," James tells him. "It's super, super nice."

Kendall takes it out of the box and holds it up. It's a slender, long sleeved sweater, all dark blue that's extremely soft to the touch. "Wow," Kendall says. "This is gorgeous. Probably the nicest thing I now own."

"It's very warm," James says.

"Thank you." Kendall puts it back in the box to keep it clean and goes in to give James a hug. They embrace tightly and their hearts beat together. "I love it," Kendall whispers. "And I love you."

"I love you, too." James says. He nuzzles his face into the crook of Kendall's neck, sighing. "So we'll be out of here soon then, right?"

"Yeah. Are you sure you want to go?"

"Yes, I am. I want to get out of here. I want to see new things." James lets go of Kendall and stares him in the eyes. His hazel globes twinkle with determination. "I've always dreamed of the country. Now I'll see it. I can finally leave this place I hate so much and live a new life."

"Good!" Kendall says with a smile. He touches James's cheek softly. "Then I'm looking forward to starting a new chapter, just you and me."

They purchase their tickets and start to pack up. James has very few things left these days from moving out of his parents' so it's easy. The emotional toll is heavy though, despite the desire to break away. James has lived his entire life in this city. His future is now completely uncertain. He worries somewhat, but is confident that Kendall has his best interest at hear.

Before they leave, James writes a letter and tucks it away underneath the mushroom at the Alice in Wonderland statue. He runs back to Kendall, smiling.

"What does it say?" the blond asks.

"Hmmm," James hums. "I wrote, 'Dear Carlos, I've found happiness. I hope you have, too.' How is that?"

"Perfect, I'd say." Kendall takes James's hand and squeezes it as they walk away. "And have you?"

"Yes, I have."

End of Part One